Today I have to pay a tribute to a man that helped me embrace the woman in me. No we are not lovers, we are the best of friends. We met and became good friends by pure chance. Ironic isn't it? How life goes on it's own mysterious way. He needed some advice, pep talk and a cheerleader. So all of us decided to help this poor fellow.
When I first met and talked to him, I pegged him as my junior, so I was more open about the real me. Hence my overly nice cheerleaderish ways. Yes, I do that to all the juniors. Give motivational talks to my juniors so that they dare to go further then I do. Then, he told me his real age. He's older T_______T When this happens I tend to wish that I could turn back time and re-behave myself.
Since he already know the real me, there was no more reason to pretend. So I continued to be me and thought, "Well, never mind, its just him, someone temporary in my life." So he is exposed to the complete personality of me. The temper, the evil side and the part of me that enjoys laughter. He sees the restless side of me. The one that needs constant stimulation, so he entertains me. He compliments me when he sees something that he likes.
When we meet and talk, I have a great time because I know that he's not out to impress me. Occasionally, I catch him looking at me, approvingly. Like, I am the most wonderful person on earth. And that just floors me. Because I don't have to be someone else, there's no need to put on my social mask. He likes me.
He doesn't have the need to compete with me over anything. He never makes me feel any less then a woman and I don't have to fear ridicule from this man. He cares about me and he shares things about his life. His friends, family and most importantly, him. I don't need to hide my opinion, he listens. He sees me as just me, faults and all. I guess he realises that he too has his imperfections. There's no need for perfection.
I recently went to Penang on a holiday with a friend and had a girl talk session when another friend slept over at the hotel. We were as usual talking about the men in our lives. How Mr. X did that and how Mr. Y said what. When I blurted out, "I like it when a man looks at me and sees something wonderful." Yeah...., ppl don't expect me to say things like that. I'm a somewhat hard core single girl who enjoys looking but not getting involved.
That is how this man made me. By looking at me and seeing something wonderful. Accepting me as who I am. It made me strong enough to give up my social facade during Eid celebration. Brave enough to let people see the real me. And, it was worth the risk. Ppl liked me as who I am.
I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. For helping me grow. For helping me move on to the next part of my life. For being my friend. I liked the things that I see in your eyes. I like the fact that you like me for me. And it doesn't matter how long our friendship lasts, you made a difference in my life. *Hugs*
Love,
Julie
Dear ppl,
It has been a long time. I needed that break. Time to gather my thoughts, reflect upon them, and maybe.., voicing my thoughts out loud. Maybe some will take this as my typical preaching. Yeah, I seem to preach a lot don't I? Maybe my words will not change the person that you are today. But just maybe, these words will be taken as an advice or an encouragement. From a friend or a concerned stranger. Stranger things have happened.
The thing that concerns me the most is about ethics and morality. Yes, that has always been my main concern, even at my age. As I watch the world around me I see people carelessly hurting ppl around them. What I find most worrying is when a friend who profess to be a 'best' friend who would say words that hurt and walk away feeling happy that someone else feels worse then themselves. Envy of other ppl's happiness makes it so unbearable that they just have to step in and make it worse. It makes me angry. Because people who hurt us are always those who profess to have our interest at heart. Our trusted friend, our family members (sometimes our own parents) and our confidant.
As I am an incurable sensitive person, this makes my life somewhat unbearable until I learn to control what I accept as my reality. There are times when both my personal and work life becomes too stressful. I feel the need to say exactly what I mean. No longer hiding behind my polite facade. My manners tend to fray at the ends when such things happen. And rest assured, you don't want to mess with me then. But I read something wise. It changes my whole perspective like no medication or anti-depressant can. I'd like to share with ppl out there so that others could benefit from it. It will sound so simple but when you try to apply it to real life, it would be the most difficult thing on earth. I know, I've been there and I am still working my way out of my pain.
Firstly, there are two realities in life. One is yours, and another is the rest of the world's. To put it simply, I care about ethics and morality. It's my passion. I could go on and on about it. I could get angry over injustice. But, my desk mate couldn't care less. It doesn't in any way make me a better person or her a terrible person. It just makes our reality different. Some really dig designer labels, the care about the fall Dior collection. If you describe the whole detail to me, my eyes would just glaze over. Because in my reality clothes are merely clothes so that I don't walk around naked (OK, a gross exaggeration but you get my drift.)
Secondly, what you perceive as your reality might not be what others accept as reality. This is a very important point. Because this where we tend to make ourselves unhappy. When our reality in unhappy, we wonder how come others don't see it as we do. For example, when my boss loads me with non-stop work, I might call him an inconsiderate man. But for him, those work that he sends to me could be done in a quarter of time that I usually take. Since, I cannot work any faster without compromising on my work quality this is a problem. I have a choice of either bit*h and work overtime (not practical since my workload is constantly heavy) or I could introduce him to my reality, which is the time I take to finish each assignment.
This is what I call 'putting oneself in another's shoe.' When people reminds me to 'never judge a person until you walk a mile in his shoe', its like a dash of cold water on my face. Now I try to put myself in another's shoe before I start criticizing anyone. We are human, sometimes the urge to be critical about others can't be helped. Go ahead and get it off your chest. But make sure that the person that you talk to understand that you just need some ranting space. That your words are not to be taken like it was words from God. Make sure that they listen to your ranting with a pinch or sometimes a barrel of salt.
No, these are not my words of wisdom. I read many books and pick and used some of them. The technique above helped me get pass several things that was holding me back. I don't and can't guarantee success. But I hope it helps somewhat. It also helps to remember that happiness is not a constant state. No one can always be happy. But when you are embrace that happiness to the fullest. Then be grateful because you know what it feels like to be happy.
Speaking of which, what is happiness? What is contentment? It will be nice if you could remember about little things that makes you happy. Little things that brings joy into your life. Like when I curl in bed after a hard day's work. Or when I am outside enjoying wonderful breeze that runs through my hair and listen to the sound of the sea. Curling my toes in the warm desert sand. Enjoying the sunshine on my face during lunch hour when I step out of my cold office. Simple little things but it means a lot to me. Define your happiness and don't let anyone ridicule your little moments of happiness. They are yours and no one can change that other than yourself.
It's late and I have to help mom with the preparation for the Eid celebration. I'll end it here.
Love,
Julie
