Guess who shared this song with me when ;)
I feel sad right now. I wonder how I can explain this sadness. Maybe cause for the second time in SOL, I am losing another friend. I feel sad. But I understand their reasons. I am after all, a girl. And I am sure that in their shoes, I wouldn't like it either.
I feel sad. *me walks off and weep now*
Julie.
I hate being bullied into things. And I hate being blames for things. Everytime I want to slap that person square across the face, I'd take a deep breath and grit my teeth.
Yesteday I made some modification to the website. I changed the colors. I had to change the COLORS. Today all hell broke loose when one user cannot access the site using a secondary login website. And the first finger pointing said that I was the one that did it.
For crying out loud, you little panks. I changed the COLOR codes. As in from #FFFFFF to #000099 sort of thing. I didn't change any codes. All I did was change the color and where necessary the wordings. Wordings not codings. I'd have to be a total idiot to make coding changes on live server. Colors on the other hand are safe :P
*Me screams in frustrations*.
Now I reverted to the back up file and more crap came out of it. WTF??? I hate the secondary login sites. They make my life complete shyte. No I have to compare the 2 sets of coding to see what is going on. And I am trying to finish another project. The person who is suppose to handle the system can't seem to do anything, throwing it back into my lap. *growls* Dammit!!!
I need competant IT execs. I need someone who can learn things quickly. I've been training this person for 6 months already. All she is doing is what my clerical staff used to do when the project was on my lap.
*sigh* This is an over-reaction, yes? I was unhappy over some things this morning and all it took was one troubleshooting problem to make me rant. Yup, very the typical Malay of me.
Typical Malay: When something goes wrong and they get unhappy, they endure. But when things escalates, we blow our tops making others feel very bewildered.
*sigh* I feel better now. Well, back to work then.
Julie
Tangent though: Never eat when you are upset. It'll only make you sick :P
I knew
You'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday
You'd leave me for somebody new
Worry
Why do I let myself worry
Wonderin'
What in the world did I do
Crazy
For thinkin' that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for tryin'
I'm crazy for cryin'
And I'm crazy for lovin' you
Crazy
For thinkin' that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for tryin'
I'm crazy for cryin'
And I'm crazy for lovin' you
I love his voice for as long as i can remember :) Very smooth and relaxing. This song is one of my favorites :)
Someone has asked, 'Who is Leo?' I doubled over with laughter. Giving her the look, I asked back, 'Who do you think is Leo?' With the look, she got the drift. Well, I needed a nick name for him, he didn't want to use his old one and I decided that since he is such a Leo, why not? Except... I have yet to tell him that. LOL. Erm... if you gentle reader do not know who he is, its prolly cause you are not meant to know ;)
Back to the tarot bit. I do not believe that Tarot predicts the future. It's more of a tool to clarify thoughts. And even then I don't take it 100% foolproof. I take the readings with a barrel of salt. But lately the things are getting strange.
I subscribe to a tarot newsletter. They will send me a weekly introduction to the tarot cards. Something that I like to read and learn about. On and off I shall login to my e-mail and read them. It has been strange how lately, the cards that they explain seem to match my needs/moods. It's uncanny.
Today, I had plenty of self doubts. Plenty of fears. My fears bite me into me and scares me into doing strange and drastic things. And I know that I have plenty of self doubts and fear. Sometimes I drive my friends crazy when I start second gussing myself. Today was one of those days. And it has to be my biggest fear that haunts me: heartbreak.
Thankfully I had some programming/web designing to distract me from my thoughts. At the back of my mind, the worry simmers. Until I cannot ignore it and deal with it. I wondered what on earth am I going to do now. Typical @$$ that I am, I was tempted to take the easy way out. *braces for a barrage of scoldings from Tariq* Yes, yes I am a yellow bellied coward. I want to run and hide. I admit.
I logged on to YM and noticed a lot of mails in my inbox. So I check them and saw, suprise, suprise an e-mail titled : courage under fire - Strength Card. It feels like a slap to the face really. Like a wake up call for me. Especially when I was considering turning back into a coward. It says,
It stopped me from all my foolishness. And I looked at the reality of the situation. And I told my coward self to shut up and stuff it. LOL. And now I am worried but I stop acting based on it. I look at the facts, and reacts accordingly.
And that's it.
Tangent: My exam last night suxxor :( But it was also another wake up call :) I will work harder this time.
Love,
Julie
Right now I want to throw my hands in the air and surrender. There is just so many things to do. *cries* I have exam tonight and I made it as far as chapter 2. I have 4 more chapters to go. Technically, I am leave. But I am at work now since I had to prepare for some IT meeting. >___< When the heck did I become people's secretary?
I have one more report to finish before I leave to study at KL Sentral. If you see a lone nerd studying at Starbucks, that's me. Argh!! *runs around in panic*
Good news is that I've reached my pre-working weight. The bad news? Those chest pains are the result of not eating properly :P Now I have to regulate my eating carefully. As my stomach becomes more sensitive. Last night was a nightmare. I keep on waking up every hour or so :( Moral of the story, eat bland food for the next few days. Ugh....ewww...
GTG. Later ppl.
Love,
Julie.
*me huggles Leo* ^.^
Today the alarm rang at 5 a.m. I wanted to wake up and study. As I passed my pc to see if someone is around, I saw an MSN messenger from one of my ex-mercs. He was promoted a while ago. I asked him what is wrong, since he was typing my nick in capital letters. Typically, my mercs know that I am sleeping when my MSN status is set as Away. It seems that our friend got his feather ruffled by a strat advice from the Strat team.
It was given by a friend of mine and by gosh, I agree with him. lol. But I am the trusted 'mother' of my brood. Ex or no ex. So I laughed and blasted 'honeybunch' over IRC for not reading up on the person notes. I left clear notes stating that he is sensitive and needs to be handled with care. And typical males that they are, their strat advice is curt and straight to the point. The ex-merc was so angry that he deleted all the notes that was left. *dies laughing*
So once I figured out what the strat advisor wanted to do, I had to rephrase everything. Into words that is more... neutral. I dropped hints, tips, reasons and occasional story to get the point across. This way, I make him think and learn about the game. It's not that he is stubborn, he justs need the reason why. And telling him 'because' isn't going to work.
My reputation is going down the drain it seems. My mercs or rather ex-mercs, teasingly calls me mom. One said that after reading my daily Team Update, he has the strongest urge to say, "Yes, mom." Pank :P And the other whom, I refuse disclose to my age, thinks that I am very much older and says, "It feels like you are my mom is SOL"
Argh!!! No no no no... I protest. I am the harem owner. I pwn many many SOL men ^.^ I am teh evil harem mistress. I am bad and mean and and... something. LOL. Peacemaker. Yes, some of us are made for the role. *dies laughing* But mother??? Moi? Forget it, all I ask is for you to adore me :D
Tangent: I woke up for something else and done something else. And my chest hurts. Must be the worry that some ppl put me though :P And you know who you are. And if you are smart you better have gone to the doctor's office the next time I see you. *me huggles Leo*
Love,
Julie
The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.
Alden Nowlan, 1933-1983
Canadian Poet
Friends!
Annie
Boon
Fabian
Hani
Jean
Maz
Munira
TJ
Yu San
Nina
Missy
Pet
