Ha, it is finally the moment of truth. The questions shall be answered by hook or crook. I really need to figure this out. I need the answer by tomorrow morning at least. The questions please...>>>
Well, I seriously don't know. I never fancied any girls before except that one time in secondary school. There was this one really handsome, decidedly masculine looking senior, that I had a huge crush over. (Imagines a foolish looking school girl with stars in her eyes going, "Sempai...." flutters eyelashes.) Good God, I hadn't thought of that since coons age. But the main point was she looked like a guy in a girls school. I'd figure that I was deprived back then so it didn't count. (Cin: This was why I watched Utena.) So far all the people that my heart beat faster for are decidedly males. Tall, short, thin, plump, whatever you just bring them on. I always seem to find one particularly endearing trait.
Hmmmm...., not sure either. I mean, I am all for freedom of choice. I believe that you should follow your heart and do what is right to you. If you are gay/lesbian, well that is fine by me. I'd still hang out with you. We could be really good friends. Yes, I would still probably go over to your place or have you over at mine. But if a girl suddenly decides to have a go at dating me. Whoha.... stop right there... I get goosebumps. I'd get that stricken look and pales considerably. Yes, I had some girls come on me and yes, I get the same reaction all the time. So does that means that I have a phobia??
Look, I am studying and working at the same time. I have huge load of work in the office. So yes, temporarily I am putting my personal life on hold while I finish up this madness. I can work and have personal life, I just don't know how to juggle all three at one go. I have evening classes on weekdays. Right now I really don't have the patience to deal with them. When I tried, the last guy had an earful about relationship games and that I didn't have time to waste on them. *winces* Ouch. So untill I can find a better candidate or more time for patience, I figured that I'm better of not trying to start anything. It is an exercise in futility.
So there, all your questions answered:D GTG, work calls.
Love,
Julie
I just finished my test 1 for my course. Ugh..., pains me to see that I'm a lousy memorizer. I'm somewhat busy right now with work and study. My boss caught me swearing to burn down our of our vendor's building. Yes, stress caught up with me leaves millions of zits on my face. I need to burn down that vendor's building. This problem had been dragging for more than 2 weeks already.
Things are looking up, cause I am going on a holiday end of this month. Joy, joy, joy. A time to stretch out and relax. Listen to the ocean and live for the moment. Wanna come along?? :D
But now I am tired. So will go to sleep now. Later ppl.
Love,
Julie
Kizutsukazu tsuyogari mo sezu ni
Odayaka na umi ni naretara
Itsuka kimi ni suki to tsugeru yo
Kotoba ni suru kimochi mo wakarazu ni
Heya de naite ita
Watashi ni sayonara Good-bye
Tobu tori no you ni kawaranai
Atataka na umi ni naretara
Donna toki mo ai ni yukeru yo
Toosugita michi akari o arigatou
Hiza o daite ita
Jikan ni sayonara Good-bye
I dunno why but right now the song sounds very sweet to my ears :D
In life as you stumble along, you'd notice that you banged into life's obstacles. There is just no avoiding to it. i live, and occasionally I learn. When people ask, I share my experiences. But sometimes, I must really learn to shut up. Because sharing the lessons that I had learn and that I countinually am learning (admitting a problem is only part of the solution, you have to work towards your goals.), only frustrates me.
Some people don't understand what I'm trying to share. I am not sharing my experience or wisdom because I am perfect, no. I share because I want you to know that despite the terrible person that I am, I am trying to become a better person. Which is better then giving up before trying, no? I am not sharing my wisdom or philosophy because I completely subscibe to it. I rarely fully apply one theory or another. It's a mix of everything to make my life balanced. To fit my lifestyle.
What annoys me that some people cannot accept that. Which means, unless I perfect (which I can hardly be, being human that I am), I shouldn't talk. Maybe you don't get it, I struggle each day to keep my balance. To move forward without looking back. I had to give up my need for vengence for my family and for the sake of peace. I did it. I am moving on and I am living in this skin. It may not be a perfect fit but this skin is all I have.
As for some of you who think I should shut up unless I am prefect, then don't ask. Don't ask for my opinion or my advice. Because I was brought up to only aspire for greatness, in my thoughts at least. Prefection although is not achiveable, is something to be aspire for. So althought I am not perfect myself, I conciously choose.
I have 2 main rationalization that I use to process information and react. One is my mind, which sees the world in clear cut clarity, completely merciless and absolutely objective. Emotions plays no part in this part of my mind. And the other is the emotional side where I let my judgment be clouded by my emotions. I normally react to situations with my emotions. Because, to me my life is very personal (I have to train to change though).
But when I take a deep breath and take a mental step back from the problem all the emotions are supressed and a clear mind asses the situation. I look at the situation and look at my options. This means that if I have a deadline that makes no sense and I have no way to change it, I'd have to think about options. I always plan ahead because in life Plan A don't always work. That's how I work, that's how I live. To always move and think ahead. Once I have all the options I'd access my best options and make my decisions. There are times when I am so overwhelmed by my emotions that I can't help myself. I hate my flaws but they are what they are. And I have to live with that. You rattling my cage is not helping.
But as usual, that becomes a target to my deterectors. Seriously, to all those ppl, F Off. Get a life. Harping over my flaws doesn't make you perfect. Picking on my weaknesses only makes me think of your weaknesses. Remember when one finger points in my directions, four more points back at you.
You see that is the difference between some ppl and me. I can sift throught all the mass information and knowladge and pick the one I think relevent. Imperfection don't bother me because I am not perfect. Look, I am dark, short and fat. No perfection anywhere. So I sift throught the words of wisdom that people share with me and think. Just because the person who conveyed the message doesn't do as he/she preach doesn't mean the msg itself is empty. No that merely means that the person bearing the knowladge is imparting information that might not be useful to themselves but might be useful to you.
That's why I am wary when I read any articals or any source of information. I would question the motive of the writer. Ditto for the knowladge imparter. You see, I share what I know, so that you'd have more knowladge, in hopes that if the idea is beyond my reach, it's not out of your. So the people who dismisses my thoughts and advice, please move on. Stop asking questions and I will not tell you anything that you don't wish to hear. If you want to trap me into speaking and use my words to choke me with, $crew you. Solve you own problems.
I am tired, cranky and overworked. The past week has been a nightmare and it doesn't look like things are looking up anytime soon. I have assignments, exams, external meetings and reports due next week. At this rate... I don't know. I'm speechless. I am still angry. To reduce my anger I've started yoga and visualization. If it still doesn't work, I'd probably beg the doctor for some relexants. God, I still wish to kick the heck out of you know who. *Breaths deeply*
GTG, I need to sleep soon.
Love,
Julie.
