This week has been very challanging. I had my boss on my back (not literally). I was angry, upset and sad. I was busy as hell that I begin to wish that my boss would jump off a building. I'm tired and due to my worries about work, I have trouble sleeping at night.
I wanted to find another job. Where I would be better off where bosses don't try to squeeze the worker who actually produce result to death. I want to work in peace. I can't quite understand why my boss did what he did and after a while I just don't give a damm anymore.
Why I love the Caucasians
I had to do some technical R&D stuff that I can't get online. So I wrote to several Asian and non Asian companies. Guess who reply first?? I get reply from Australia within 2 hours, UK between 2 hours to 24 hours, ditto US and Europe. But from Hong Kong, I got a reply 1 week later and that to refer me to another person. By the time she got back to me the research is over and she didn't have anything for me:(
So after a shi++y Monday, when the e-mail with all the documents arrive, I couldn't stop grinning. I was so happy to get that huge soft copy manual. I would have kissed that guy on the spot. Ha... one burden off my shoulders and now am relaxed. Adore that man. *sigh*
GTG, have to talk to boss and its already late.
Love,
Julie.
I am arrogant, prideful and egoistic. I admit those are my worse failings. I pride myself of being really good that I can survive in any city any country in the world. I am arrogant enough to think that in any situation, I can find solution or at least smart enough to find help. I am a survivor. I don't think there's any situation that I can't handle or at least face. As far as I am concerned, work is easier then (formally) studying.
I was on leave on Monday and when I came in on Tuesday I recieve a wondeful e-mail from my boss dated Monday. It basically a summary all my failings. I have 3 back logs and from now on I need to prepare a daily/hourly log of what I do. Nice....
My first instinct was to barge into his room and quit on the spot. That GDMF gave me so many priority work on top of my various projects that I barely have time to do concentrate on those projects. And everytime I tell him that, he says, "This is more urgent. Do it." Die you #$%%^&***%^ If you don't have the guts to tell me about my failings face to face, you can shove the damm e-mail up where the sun never shines.
To say that I'm angry is like to say that Everest is just a mountain. But typical me I waited untill I cooled downed and thought about it. It seems that he thinks that I'm hanging around doing nothing when I've been troubleshooting, calling, filing and managing all my work. Shytan......! WTF do you mean I don't do work! I dare you to find another person to do all that I've done so far. I'm an actuarial graduated not IT. But I tried and do stuff that was not of my job D just because.
Scre^ you! I sick of this. Those GD slackers gets no reprimand at all and I get this??!! The only person who stayed till 9 p.m. to finish that stupid database work?!! I don't need this BS. I'm through. Just because I usually keep my peace doesn't mean that I'll take this lying down. This time there's Q&A and damm you if you don't settle this I will go to the ED. F*** you!
Later!
Julie.
Yesterday I took leave due to the fact that I finally agreed to visit my matriculation center. Some call it heaven or hell, I call it earth. A cross of heaven and hell. I remembered looking at the building for the last time before I left it for good. And my stubborn vow never to return nor set one foot on the grounds untill I start working. I'll show those fools (or teachers depending on who you ask) that I will not end up as the society garbage.
Yes, typical me I have problems with authority. I always hated irrational rules and regulations. I even find the joy of finding ways to bend the rules to my needs. I question every thing from chemistry (I can't grasp the concept cause they teach to memorize) to biology (I usually read references before the teacher teach the topic). Therefore I was labled rebellious and a trouble maker by the teachers. Any classes that I cannot comprehend become my napping time. I'd stay up studying in the dorms rather than listen to the things that I can't seem to comprehend.
Looking back I wondered if I had a mild learning disability. I can't seem to grasp the concept, it feels as if they were speaking Russians or something. I can't be stupid since I usually can grasp concepts very quickly. I wonder... Plus all those late night studying makes me feel very sleepy when I feel bored in classes.
So I had the Biology teacher constantly dismayed by all the questions I had. The Chemistry teacher who gave up all efforts of teaching me and said, "Could you please refer to another teacher, I can't seem to get through you." A Physics teacher who thought that I deliberately skip afternoon classes. And a Math teacher who like to let my sleep in classes except for occasional, "Julie, this is important so stay awake today." Isn't she so cool:D
I was traumatised by Biology and Chemistry in matriculation that I gave up both subjects when I thought of a University major. Physics was... mildly scary. I can't seem to get the proper concepts. Plus they have exceptions that put me off my stride. Now, Math, its a beauty in its calm and orderly manner. I enjoy deriving formulas and testing them with all sort of datas.
My teachers were amazed when I told them I wanted to pursue Actuarial Science for a major. It was difficult (a major understatement, should have told me that it took a bloody genius to master that subject:p) and I was merely an average student, I might not be able to cope and etc.
So I almost believed that I'm too stupid pursue any good degree. I was so scared that I gave up my dream of medicine (which I will regret till the day I die). I joined UKM and concentrated on getting an Actuarial Science degree. It was hellish when you feel that you have to prove something to people who shouldn't even matter. I realize it now.
So yesterday I went and another of my demons died. I realise that those particular teachers was afraid of me. They were scared that I might just notice that they weren't as good as they pretended to be. *sigh* I wish I wasn't as gullible then. I wished that I believed in me.
My advice to people, "Don't let others dictate you limit. Limitation has always been an illusion. If you want something badly enough, you'd achive it."
GTG, boss is on this floor. Later!!
Love,
Julie.
