Tujhe Yaad Na Meri Aayi
Kisise Ab Kya Kehna
Dil Roya Ki Ankh Bhar Aayi
Kisi Se Ab Kya Kehna...
Tujhe Har Khushi Dedi, Labon Ki Hansi Dedi
Zulfon Ki Ghata Lehrayi, Paigham Wafa Ke Layi
Toone Achhi Preet Nibhayi
Kisi Se Ab Kya Kehna...
Woh Chand Mere Ghar Aangan Ab To Aayega
Tere Soone Is Aanchal Ko Woh Bhar Jayega
Teri Kardi God Bharayi
Kisi Se Ab Kya Kehna...
Khata Ho Gayi Mujhse, Kaha Kuch Nahin Tumse
Iqraar Jo Tum Kar Paate, To Door Kabhi Na Jaate
Koi Samjhe Na Peer Parayi
Kisi Se Ab Kya Kehna...
I haven't been blogging lately have I? I've been busy trying to balance my work and play hours. As it is I barely have time to myself. I've been busy entertaining friends, doing new projects, reading anime and playing games. Currently, I don't think I've called any of my friends. Busy, always busy trying to fit so many activities into one day. Now days, even sleep is becoming a chore. Lately, I've fallen into deep naps that might last from 5 minutes to 45 minutes as soon as my mind idles. *sigh* I'm a sick minded women who is addicted to work. What else can I call myself when I even bring home work over weekends. *smacks head on the desk* I can't help it, otherwise I can't meet deadlines.
Valentines
Alright, ppl out there,
A belated wish on my part. I was desperate last Friday that I can't even blog before I go home. Today, for Valentines day, I went and spoil myself on manicure and pedicure. As I told Mazlina, from now on I shall try to follow the motto of, My body is my temple. Hence I have to take proper care of myself especially physically. Lately, it took me half an hour to prepare for work and look professional. No more messy hair, sloppy dressing or miss matched accessories. I wear jewelry to work and my hair is properly restrained in a bun plus I make sure that I match everything.
Strange, my brother really believes that physical attributes doesn't matter. But as normal human beings, we naturally perceive someone by their appearances. First impression really counts. One has to look presentable, be charmingly witty and attentive at the same time. *phew* I learned this last Monday and Tuesday when I went to the course. That was when I started out on the new image thing. I started to use make up and constantly make sure that I'm always sharp looking. I found really nice new friends. Nice.
On, Friday I went to KLCC for lunch. As I walked around I smiled knowingly as women searched for the perfect shoes/dress/make up/etc. It was funny how a woman would really search for the perfect shoes/dress/makeup/etc for Valentines day. As many complain, their boyfriend wouldn't even notice anyway. But still, there's nothing like dressing up for the occasion. Dinner for two, flowers and candies abundantly changed hands and the once a year occasion where one affirms one's love. How sweet.
The heart yearns but fear grabs me by throat and choked the words.
Frozen my tongue as I mutely watched time passed by.
When it was all over, I sit in my chair, counting all the loss chances and weep bitter tears of regret.
But I wouldn't change the past even if I could.
Because you see, the price of loving is so high, I can't afford it.
So every time love passes by I merely walked away knowing that Love might be the greatest thing but every great things demands a sacrifice.
Love,
Julie
(Spoken:)
Express yourself, don't repress yourself (repeat 4 times)
Chorus:
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me [it's human nature]
You wouldn't let me say the words I longed to say
You didn't want to see life through my eyes
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
You tried to shove me back inside your narrow room
And silence me with bitterness and lies
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
Did I say something wrong?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I stay too long?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't speak my mind
[What was I thinking]
(chorus)
You punished me for telling you my fantasies
I'm breakin' all the rules I didn't make
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
You took my words and made a trap for silly fools
You held me down and tried to make me break
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
Bridge:
Did I say something true?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I have a point of view?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about you
[What was I thinking]
(chorus)
Express yourself, don't repress yourself (repeat twice)
Express yourself, don't repress yourself (repeat twice)
(bridge)
(chorus)
(chorus, with the following spoken substitutions)
[I'm not apologizing]
[Would it sound better if I were a man?]
[You're the one with the problem]
[Why don't you just deal with it]
(chorus, with the following spoken substitutions)
[Would you like me better if I was?]
[We all feel the same way]
[I have no regrets]
[Just look in the mirror]
(chorus, with the following spoken substitutions)
[I don't have to justify anything]
[I'm just like you]
[Why should I be?]
[Deal with it]
Dear ppl,
It would seem that yesterday's rambling was brought about by extrem exhaustion. I had to attend 2 full days course and after that for both days I had to return to the office and make sure that I don't have any enquries/e-mails to take care off. Even my boss was astonished at the extent of my devotion to work.
It was a good thing that that I did cause some support staff told me of a demanding phone call who insist on a on-the-spot help. My boss wasn't in and so wasn't the other support staff who handled my work. That was a really close call cause I had missed her e-mail that came in last week. I wonder what I did last week that overshadows this particular e-mail. So I faxed over the documents and pray that the story doesn't reach my bosses ears.
Monday's Entry
I still haven't finish pouting about the lost entry. So annoying especially when I've been writing about my weekend. I wanted to remember last weekend cause I find it to be a mix of fun and frustration. It started as fun and ended as less-than-fun.
It started with me chasing down ppl to hang out with me on Friday night until at least 10 p.m. Guess who I saw online? Nina. So I bugged her to throw down the towel (she had a write up to finish) and join me. She finished her work and met me at San Fran's around 8ish. Then Mary came over at 9ish. I was talked into buying Nina dinner. Since she looked so pethetic and I really wanted her cheerful out-of-this-world personality, I felt, why not?
Then brother came and Nina left. They have this avoiding thing going. God knows why? And I told Mary all those funny bits that she missed while she was abroad. Around 10ish TJ came to pick us up to go dancing (excluding brother of course, he's the pious type, at least that's what he thinks:)).
Of all the thing to happen, we went to a place where they play techno music. I happen to no quite like techno:P But since I got my dancing shoes on, I decided, why not. GO for it. I think it worked cause Mary was mildly astonished at how I throw myself into this dancing business.
School of Rock
That morning, at 10 a.m., I joined my brother to watch School of Rock. It was so cool. It was funny and outrageous. I really think that the movie was great for those who like a good comedy without those messy romantic entanglments. So there was no, candy-sweet, let-me-puke scenes. Yes, by now you'd now that I hate stupid ironic love/romance movie. I find some of those types of movie to be tacky and totally unrealistic.
Hmmmm.... what a strange thing to say since I am an avid romance novel reader. Maybe it's just the way my brother react to this movie that I find repulsive (sorry Pet). He get's all mushy and sappy and he thinks that that sort of thing happens in real life. Like HELL it does!!!! He, hates romance novel though. Ahh..... to be such opposite of each other, siblings or not. I am a die hard realist and he is the optimist.
Mary's Party
After that Cindy and Alan (they are one team, rarely that you'd find Cin without Alan), picked me up for lunch. We had Burger King and talked. Afterwards we went to Mary's house for a gathering. The whole Yccians was there except for Jen, Maz and Moon. We watched some stuff and then someone suggested we played UNO.
I love UNO cause I don't have to think about it. I get to scream at both Boon and Tariq for 'gifting' me with many cards when I declare, "Uno!" Ah, hate ppl who do that but I'd do the same in their shoes:) I won the second game haha:) Nina says that it's because she was not playing. Dahling, keep on telling yourself that.
Hani and Tariq sent me home:) The were all gooey. Ew... Then Hani asked, "What if I actually give you Tariq??" And I thought, "What would I do with him??!! Throw him out cause dad would come after him with a scissors (he got long hair)." Plus, he is so not my type:P And I am commitment fobic, hahaha.... Thanks for the offer, Hon, but no thank you. He is definitly too much work.
GTG, work calls. Later!!!
Love,
Julie.
Looking at my blog today, it's obvious that yesterday's post was flushed down the cyberspace toilet. So lazy to blog today but I'm in a lousy mood so why not.
Mistakes
The thing I hate most to do is making mistakes. Let it be in my personal life, my working life or even among my friends. Like, how I messed up a good friendship by doing stupid mistakes. Or how I messed up a good working relationship when I made a social blunder. And how much time it took me to settle things to my satisfaction. So in conclusion, I have no tolerance for my own mistakes/stupidity. Even as I wish that I'm not so stiff and strict with myself, I'm still my own harshest judge, jury and executioner. Scary, huh?? It's like :
"Julie, you have commite (fill in the blanks) and that's a crime against yourself and your dignity. We therefore shall punish you by making you feel really bad, guilty and we vote no confidence! From now on you shall cease all attempts at (what ever that resulted same as above), so that you'll never humiliate yourself again."
It hurts my heart and undermines my confidence. I constantly wonder if there's something wrong with me, mentally, physically and even morally. Am I really such a terrible person. And when I find out about the things people are saying behind my back, it just hurts worse. Once not very long ago, a friend snapped, "Get over it! The world doesn't revolve around you. It wouldn't end when you make 1 mistake. We are humans, that's what we do."
Then I'd just get over it and after a while it starts again. My self doubt that hurts no one but myself. But I can't help it, I guess I mostly feel that I don't deserve to live. God knows why though. As though that I'm not worthy to have friends and etc. I feel that something is missing and I begin to wonder what exactly is that??
Just cause I made one social blunder wouldn't kill me right?? Hope so. I'd hate to answer for that social blunder:(
Course
Where have you been, Julie?? Well, today and yesterday I had to attend a public course on some work related stuff. Again things to learn. GTG
Love,
Julie.
