(Friday, March 5, 2004, 05:28 p.m.)
Dear ppl,
I am getting old. Yes, OLD, at least physically. Last night I wanted to act decadent, evil and smirky. So I decided to have 2 cans of Coke and a bag of chips for dinner:) Junk food..... LOVELOVELOVELOVE eating junk, occasionally at least. But yesterday, I got a big shock. I stuffed my face while I watched 2 anime movies that I bought 2 years ago and was yet unwatched.
I called friend to confirm an bi-monthly gathering and as soon as I hung up I got the biggest shock of my life. My stomach hurt, really bad. As I was ready to start rolling on the ground, I realised one thing, TOO MUCH GAS!!!!!!! Argh! This would never happen like 7-8 months ago. My body is betraying me to old age. HATEHATEHATE!!! I was up till midnight and have to wake up early today:P
Am I getting OLD??? At 23? That nonsense. It's not me! Must be the stupid Coke. Today, I feel terrible discomfort when I eat, so am eating lightly to spare my poor stomach.
OT, I wish I can control my blushes. I tend to do that when I get caught in stupid situations. I get embarrased easily and when that happens, I'd blush madly. Working with older guys means they tell off color jokes. I really want to laugh my head off but had to behave, so blushed madly. Then the married office mates make off color remarks about breast and supplies etc. *faints away*
Yes, I do realise that some people have sex, hell a lot of ppl have sex. But as an unmarried person, it is highly inappropriate for me to acknowladge that I actually know what sex is. It doesn't matter if it's the IT age. I am unmarried young woman, therefore must not know 'things' married ppl do. *sigh*
Watched one condom advert on an office mate pc. It's about this guy and girl who met at the opposite of one of those traffic light crossing and it was raining. All of the sudden the rain stopped and she folded her umbrella. But the umbrella casing was blown away (she was too busy looking into his eyes to be able to catch it anyway). So he crossed over and took out a tiny pack from his pocket. Tore it open and guess what, a condom. Fine and dandy, he put it over her folded umbrella. O_o Oh my GOD!!!! That is LONG man! Like 15 inch or something like that. *faints* We laugh like mad afterwards but still... *faints*
GTG, office is emptying. Have to finish work and meet parents. Later ya all!!!
Love,
Julie
(Friday, March 5, 2004, 08:09 a.m.)
Dear ppl,
I have to issues and depending on who you are, you might think that it's totally irrelevent.
Racial Dissent
A few days back I recieve a nasty e-mail foward supposedly originating from a Chinese person (not sure male or female) that insults all the Malays. It technically stereotype the Malay as the most lowest caste in Malaysia/whole wide world. My first reaction to the e-mail was of course to find that S.O.B and end his misery. It's obviously written by a very bitter man (I think he's a man, girls are smarter at creating insults that sounds intelligent, no offence guys) who has nothing better to do then point fingers at others for his miserable life. I am all for shooting him point blank in the head. It's what you do to rabid dogs.
*Inhales deep breaths* Now, after a few days, I've calmed down enough to be rational about this. For the past few days, I've been thinking about the reason on why would this psycho write the things he did. You see, whatever I read, I will think about the motive of the writer, his agenda. Thanks to my boss who has me writing a lot of reports and who gave me one important tip of writing.
Julie, I want the report you write to convince our board member to XXXX. I want them on our side when we propose to XXX. Being a typical bright eyed graduate, I was scandelized. You want me create a report that will compromise my convictions?? I am first a human being who looks out for fellow human being. I am suppose to create an environment that will repress the consumer rights! Ther hell I will. Luckily I know that the Bank Negara Malaysia (National Bank of Malaysia) will never stand for this new system that they are trying to incorporate. I wrote the damm report and maximizing the positive and deleting the negative. It went to the board and they decided that the plan was not practical. *sigh of relief*
Now, why would a poison e-mail reach the person it's poisoning against. If I want to smear someone, I'd e-mail others not the person I try to smear, yes? I mean if I wrote a racist joke about a Chinese, a Malay and an Indian, I wouldn't be stupid enough to send this mail to the Chinese and Indians who might take offence. Thinking about this logically, I'd think that if the e-mail was written by a Chinese he would only forward it to his non Malay friend. The e-mail was full of poison and hate, he'd be an idiot to have done something as stupid as that.
Looking at the papers, you'd notice that election will come soon enough. Oh...., so that what it was. Think about it, if you poison the Malay mind against the Chinese, they will never stand for a Chinese representative in the Parliment. Right now, for the Barisan Nasional to win, they have to have all their candidates (Malay/Chinese/Indian) supported by all races. Well, it is all speculative of me. But I have more close Chinese friends then Malay, I mixed with them, eat with them and we went to school together. I studied at their room, join their group projects and even when for supper with the guys when I was in campus. I wasn't scared of being a friend to the Chinese, why should I?
I am lucky to find Chinese friend who looks out for me. Who gladly exchange oranges for Chinese New Year and moon cakes for Moon Cake Festivals. They send me a card for Raya and cheapskate that I am I send them e-greeting for Chinese New Year. We send each other e-mail updates on our current situations at work, personally and stupid jokes. I am comfortable with them. I'm not worried that they want to convert me, we don't discuss about who's religion that right. We are not that narrow minded, plus we are quite frivoulous. We'd rather send stupid jokes, ask about each other's pay and family rather then be falsly pious.
Yes, I admit there are time I share racist jokes with friends. My bad, but this e-mail is targeted to destroy racial harmony. I refuse to forward such poison to anyone else. I will not let one person's ignorance and small mindedness destroy years and years of friendship. I will not fan the ambers of mistrust. Mistrust that was built by narrow mindedness and irrational fear. I think this letter is a political strategy, right or wrong, think for yourself.
About the second issue, read this Retrial ordered for Moroccan man found guilty of aiding terrorists Think about it. I surely will.
Love,
Julie.
(Thursday, March 4, 2004, 09:11 a.m.)
Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.
Which Woman of Legend Are You? Find out! By Nishi.
Which Woman of Beauty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.
(Wednesday, March 3, 2004, 08:50 a.m.)
Dear ppl,
I had lunch with a friend yesterday and we briefly talked about illusions. Some felt that another was living in the world of illusion and make believe. True as it is, it disturbs me. Not because there's nothing anyone can do, but because no one know why she live in her own tiny safe world. Her shield is so thick that you probably couldn't get a straight answer even if you asked. When I look, I only see a mirror, reflecting everything. Words could hurt if I say it, so I keep mum until she's ready to join us in this not so perfect world. We hide ourselves for a reason, once the reason goes away, there's no more reason to hide.
Although, I do hate the tiny things that comes with thick masks. Like telling everyone how perfect their life is. How it sucks not to be in their shoe. Sure they don't mean it that way, but they take pleasure in grinding their heels on top of your defeat/weaknesses. It's the MeMeMeMe and more ME attitude that drives me insane. I don't know, maybe I lack a sense of humor. I just don't appreciate a good joke. I am not analytical. I am too compassionate and care too much.
I usually think about someone's background before I comment on anything 'stupid' he/she did. To me it's stupid if its deliberate but ignorance is excuseable. I do not confuse lack of education/knowladge to lack of intelligence. Laughing at people's mistake seem petty to me. After all it's not like everyone has equal opportunity. Some is born with less privilage then others.
The thing is, I don't remind you of this to make you feel guilty for being born lucky. No, the point of this entry is to make it clear that you should not ridicule/talk down/laugh at people whom make mistakes out of ignorance. Take a look around you, there are so many people that has so much less. Be grateful for what you have and be considerate to others. Reach for the stars but don't forget to give a helping hand to others who are in need.
Love,
Julie
(Tuesday, March 2, 2004, 09:10 a.m.)
Dear ppl,
I really wanted to blog yesterday but as usual, my boss treats me as if I'm Goddess Kali (with 8 hands and all, strange she's goddess of desruction) or that I can work at warp speed. I alternate between several projects and then after lunch he asked, "Have you finished XXX?" "No, there's 40++ stuff to do to finish XXX," glares at him.
Cracking
Do you know how strange it is to see you family in panic because they begin to see you cracking at the seams? I usually try my best not to show any obvious signs of distress. But I guess it accumulates over time and have the tendency of slipping past my guard. I hate any sign of weakness in myself. I guess the need to always be everything that ppl want me to be gets to me sometimes.
I ignore (at least I try) hurtful words and don't mind what ppl around me say. I try to convince myself that he/she doesn't mean any harm. That any lies uttered to me was only for my own good, so not to hurt my feelings. I guess they didn't realise that it makes it worse. My worse hang up is that I can't seem to let ppl go. I need to learn to let friends drift away from me and not to mind so much that things has to end.
This time it was my father and Pet, my beloved brother, who patched my up. They sewed up the seams and made me brand new again. Both of them listened to me and figured that I was trying too hard to please ppl, that I didn't take care of myself. I was so busy giving that I didn't realize that there was nothing left for me. So now, I pamper myself with soothing friends who shore up my crumbling self.
It started as usual when Wanis asked, "What is wrong?" Being typical type A woman I said, "Nothing." She said, "Julie, I hear your voice and I know that something is wrong. You are in denial, again." So, the whole song and dance came out and then CM found out and then as the girls network goes the story arrived to Az. Being the closest to me in campus she called up from Penang for hours. I bet her sister is going to kill her for the phone bill. Maz and Farhan came to the rescue and asked if I wanted to hang out with them. As per Farhan, he quickly made a few phone calls and provided some solutions. *hugs Maz and Farhan*
Thank you to my self sacrificing brother, Pet. WeLoveYouWeLoveYouWeLoveYouWeLoveYouWeLoveYou. He is the greatest person in the world who saved me:D We owe him our life. Although he refuse Us as his apartment mate:p He hath provided us means of escape and I adore him for it. I am evil enough to feel happy about it but then as typical me, about 3 seconds after he left, I felt guilty as hell.
I know that I somehow talked him into this. And I am acting like a dead weight around his neck. But, SaveMeSaveMeSaveMeSaveMeSaveMe. I can't stand it any more. I cannot hold on for much longer before I crack for good. I know I've been walked upon by uncaring ppl and I should fight back, but how could I when they have so many supporters. I've always been taught to be considerate and to stand down to many situations where my right was walked upon. I have to look out for the good of the others. God, I'm tired of being the one who has to give up all the things that I want for the good for another. If that means I a selfish *itch, then be it. But as typical me, I'd just feel guilty and walk the same path of self destruction again.
GTG, work calls.
Love, Julie.
