I don't think I have anything to say. Honestly. Except for the thoughts that runs madly in my mind. I am annoyed with someone who is in considerate to me. Of course, I'd love to b**** about it but I decided not to. Music is music after all. Regardless, how stupid it sounds or how annoying I find it.
I have a cool trip coming up but I can't seem to work up a feeling of excitment. All I feel when I think about it is, "Do I really want to go?" But another friend was right, you made a commitment and you have to go. Plus it's probably just me. I feel kinda disconnected from ppl. But for the past 2 weeks I had a quite hectic schedule. So now is the time to quiet down and start thinking. Or start working. I have a list as long as my arms when it comes to work.
The stupid domain server crashed and now all the information that I've transfered to that server is gone. Our genius IT guy hadn't backed up the server even after I repeatedly bugged him to do so. Now is too late. God, there's so much work that needs to be redone.
Now, my boss who first locked us out of the server for safety (what a joke) has tighten the security yet again. Which is really stupid, knowing that the server was corrupted by one of the 'smart' administrators. Luckily I was away so they couldn't try to pin the blame on me. I have the knowladge to work my way around 'things'. But not enough to actually remotely access that stupid server. Just enough to keep my work going.
I really hate this new restrictions. I have more problems in updating things. And I wonder.... lets see how I can work around this....... Wait a minute, I don't have TIME!!!!
I better go. Have to start the redo of database. Idiot!
Love,
Julie.
My grandmother passed away on Monday. She was sick for months, nothing serious until one of the idiotic bozo sent her back to our hometown where she had to fend for herself. She was recovering from chicken pox and after 2-3 weeks of my aunt Teh and mom taking care of her at another daughter's house. Long distance care I call it. She was getting better, starting to walk on her own and she begun to eat properly again. When her eldest daughter decided to send her back to her hometown. Her reason? She wanted to have a big bash for her grandson and her own mother was an annoyance because she doesn't fit the lable of rich and of 'society standing'.
A few days after being sent back she was hospitalized. She was throwing up and was running fever. My uncle found her home alone, that @#$%%^&* has gone gossiping to anothers house. I heard and was angry, not only to the stupid mf but also at her kids. They are so self absorbed that the couldn't see beyond themselves. But my aunts and uncles that was in Kedah assured me that she was in good hands.
Last week, on Sunday we heard a disturbing news, that my grandmother was suffering from internal infection. So my aunt Teh had her transfered to the Penang GH. My aunt Teh, mother and myself took off to Penang. I arrived, saw my grandmom's face and was suprise. She looked like this and you said she was dying??? She looked worse when she had to undergo by pass operation in University Hospital. Stuff and nonsense.
I took the first shift that night at the hospital. By now, I'd no longer fear hospital (I used to hate hospital). I am an old hand at taking care of my grandmother in the hospital. We had a not so good night but it's mild as compared to others. My grandmother tend to be imperious when she has fever and becomes delirious. So it was 2 a.m. and she told me that she is thirsty. Mineral water is out because it is 'cold'. So was running around looking for hot water. Luckily a neighbouring caretaker was nice enough to give some.
By morning she was better. She was no longer feverish. Then some ***** doctor came over and said, "@#$%^&*" I mean its like she was talking in Urdu. I had no idea what she was trying to say. I have to say, of all the various hospitals that I've been through, this must be the worse. The nurses and the doctors were so stuck up that I felt puzzled. I saw a nurse angrily scolding a patient for complaining about pain. The doctors acts like Gods. The way I see it they no longer have that human element that makes them healer instead of just medical practicioners. They treat patients as case files instead of humans in need of help.
By noon they had transfered my grandmother to the ICU. That blasted #$%^@ said that she was dying. Excuse me, what happened? When you kicked me out for morning rounds, she reconised me and talked rationally to me? I wanted to break each of their stupid necks. When my anunt Teh caught hold of the ICU attending doctors, she said, "No such thing! Which doctor told you that?!"
Ah... the pleasure to seeing incompetant doctors talk about something they don't know. By then all three of us were trying to transfer her back to KL. Penang is a stupid place and I don't care if the head specialist is well known. His underlings is stupid beyond words and what makes me angry is his lack of supervision. No houseman is suppose to take any action pertaining any case unless its emergency and you are suppose to immediately call the on-call doctor in such cases. Do I look stupid to you? The University Hospital was my playground during my grandmother bypass operation. I know the hospital procedure in and out.
It seems there has been some cover up of incompetance. On Monday, 1.05 p.m. my grandmother's heart just stopped. It's over and we haven't even tried. The doctor's carelessness and evasiveness from my aunt is paying off. Thank you, I curse you for all eternity.
I barely cried, my grandmother wouldn't have wanted that. She was the stiff upper lip type. I'd like to think that she has moved on to a better place. So I bury that anger and grief deep inside. I can smile and laugh now. But another lesson learned this time. I love easily and deeply. I become possesive on those who I consider 'mine'. Those who sits quietly in my heart. I learn the lesson on how to let go. To leave her in peace. Crying and raging at God or fate wouldn't bring her back. But every once in a while I'd remember how it used to be. And I know that even when she's gone I carry her in my heart. And for once, that is enough
Love,
Julie.
I haven't been blogging for 2 days already. I had to leave for Penang to take care of an ailing grandmother. Long story, all I want to say is that I feel like kicking some of the doctors out of the wards for being such simpletons. Idiots at his/her worse. I mean if you aren't qualified why are you doing talking to the patient's family. Seriously need a flying kick from me. In other hospitals that I've been to the doctors who has no idea what is going on, SHUTS UP and refers us to the attending doctor.
And no, they usually don't speak to me in such a layman term that I have no idea what you are trying to say. Please treat us like we do have some brains between our ears. I don't have to be a doctor to understand simple medical term. It makes it easier for us to refer to second opinion i.e. specialist in other hospitals. And no, if I want to know about the medication that you administer to my grandmother, it's not because that I want to buy it from the pharmacy and pump it into my body. I want to know so that in case of emergency, I can tell the attending doctor of the medication that she is on. Moron!
I just got back from a field trip to company. Cool lunch. Okay briefing. Tiring cause I had to take the monorail. Plus I have almost 200 e-mails to check and manage due to my 2 days leave. So many mails!!!!! Argh.....!!! Lazy...lazy..lazy...
GTG, better start work now. Later!
Julie.
