I finally finished the report I promised my boss. So malang that the website I needed was down. I couldn't access the necessary details. I'm so sure that I'd get belasahing from my boss after he finishes his meeting. Dart! The assistant manager has returned. Tak sukanya. I hate writing reports that I know nuts about. Zilch idea and lamebrained suggestions. Especially when it's something I don't believe in.
This morning had some spare time to surf net and I decided to check out the astrology sites. I don't like what my birth chart is telling me. The gist of the report is something like:
I fear committment, I will marry late and marry and older man oh by the way my children will be hellions. I'm a natural born leader but lazy to advocate my leadership qualities. I know how to invest my money but I'm indulgent of myself. I'm better off as my own boss due to lack of recognition in the office even when I work like two dogs. I'm a social butterfly with limited friends. I lead dual life and refuse to let ppl guess my true self.
Sheesh..... what sane person believe in this? Oh, wait, I forgot, I was never sane. After reading this birthchart translation I decided hell, I'll make my own life thank you.
"Today is the same as yesterday, haunted, haunted,
And the hauntsmen left with empty hands"
Dedicated to my demons.
"Baby, sometime I feel like dying,
Driving while I close my eyes,
Moving in and out of hiding,
Trying to catch the truth in my life.
But, sometimes they're too hard to handle,
These voices inside my head,
Listen now.
I'm gonna run to you,
I'm gonna count on you,
Baby, what else could I do?"
Dedicated to.... you know who you are:)
"
Wish I didn't know,
Cause I can't let you go,
Tell me WHY?
Why when I looked in your eyes,
I felt my trust start to die,
WHY OH WHY?
When I still love you,
It's so hard to say goodbye."
Dedicated to the person who is hurting most right now. It's time to let go.
"I never promised you a happy ending,
You never said that you wouldn't make me cry,
But summer love would keep us warm long after our
Autumn Goodbye"
Dedicated to CM.
Talk about jumbled thoughts. Later!!
Love,
Julie.
Due to Nina's comment, okey la, I change the main title. So no more novella just more story about fairly the same thing. Where did I stop?? Oh yeah, the part where I get to 'admire' some gentleman-in-waiting. So confusing I know. Lets name him BB, I can't tell you why we call him that*snickers*
So after that, everytime BB sees me around the tiny 'campus' he smirks. That irritating grin that says, "Yeah, I a hot stud and I know you want ME." In the beginning, ok, I tolerate it. But when ppl start to talk about shameless me, I lost patience and start doing obvious things eg, when he enter the staff room and we sorta get face to face, I gave him the '*uck off' look and turned my back on him plus walk out of the place. So it took a while but he got the message.
Then I met the truly wonderful guy I called Heartbreaker. Why? Cause I knew that he would. No girl in campus would have him. Why? Cause he's no jock and he is so SWEET:) At that time we had a play going on and I had to design costumes. Guess what? I got his SHIRT. Wooppieee!!!! Hugged the shirt like mad in private and acted neutral in public. He's handles my temper like a pro, always there for me. How could I not love him?
The times we always talk during drama rehersals and when he wanted pointers for acting his part. He is as cool tempered as I was always near trigger point. Which is why I create an idea and he negotiate. A superb male and very innocent. He has the deepest faith in human goodness. Somehow, he's simply magic to be with.
We became close friend until one day, in front of the most biggest gossip mongerer male in KMS he asked, 'You like me right? I heard that from someone.' Ashamed that I'm human enough to be a girl my answer was, 'I like you? You are kidding right? Is this a joke of some sort?' Needless to say, I destroyed a beautiful friendship. Now I look back and wished that I was wiser than I was then.
Then University happened and I learn that love is fickle and not to be trusted. Words are nothing more that phrases said to entice poor souls that don't have any idea as to what could happen to them. I see friends with broken heart and who cry buckets of tears. There's no wisdom in loving.
And yet, I seek. Now I see friends who tried and got burnt and maybe, just maybe, this is a path that I don't want to take. I fear hurt and what it could do to me. I fear rejection and what would happen to my heart and perhaps my soul. Maybe I'd learn to be wiser later. But for now... Let's hedge our bets and play safe? After all it it wants to happen it will.
Love,
Julie.
PS: When I re-read the whole thing... It sound's bitter. Especially the end part. *sigh* A friend is currently hurting and she is going through finals. So sorry for lashing out to you males out there. I just tend to be in the company of stupid males.
Where was I? Yes, the good looking one's.My first childish crush had beautiful pink lips. Like cherries, I swear. He might look like a boy vampire with the fair skin thing, very pale looking. I loved the way he smiled. Then again I'm the smile kind of women. Majority of my crushes were caused by his SWEET smiles that simply melts me.
My favorite thing to do while I was in 'crush' was to count the number of times I see him in school in one day. Then I'd ponder about how we are fated to be together since I saw him so often in one day. Looking back I realise that since we were in one school and that his class was near to mine might explain the reason I saw him so often:)
Then in secondary school, I flirt with a teacher. There was no end to my insanity. I suppose I was merely testing my so called, 'girl power'. It worked, he asked me out. Pretending to be a prim and proper Malay girl, I sadly decline since it wouldn't be proper. So jahat I know.
Then matriculation happen:) I met a group of girls that is a nutty as I was. This time though, I made friends with the 'Princess' of the school and thereof known as the Lady-in-Waiting to Princess CM. The thing about being well known is that I was known as the 'brutal' of all the ladies in KMS.
That was when I saw the 'Prince' that was after the 'Princess'. Damm, I fell for him but since he was rather in love with my best friend so that was a short love story. The strangest thing was that the 'Princess' had a giant crush over the 'Gentleman-in-Waiting' of the 'Prince'. Ayo, so complicated man. So guess who was put in the secret admirer shoe of that Gentleman? Me. Why? I was single, didn't have another crush and she was caught watching him. What she did? Called me and said that the Gentleman was there. Argh!!!!!! Malunye....
So there was the walking down corridor incident... To be continued....
Love,
Julie.
I went to work with the most wonderful attitude. I had a hospital appointment and then when my boss asked what was wrong, I told him that I was growing ulcers. He pondered over that and said, "They say that ulcers are a product of stress, work related, right? Wa, don't blame me ah." He is so amusing sometimes. At that time we were at his office to discuss my 7 on-going projects. When I listed them out he said, "Wa, why so many, one?" Very adorable child.
Then Nina asked for an emergeny tutoring that evening. When did she call me? During lunch hour. I tried but hell, I can't save everyone. So had a phone conference instead. Dad became suspicious and thought that I was talking to a guy. Gah! As if.
The called my darling to see what's happening. Turns out that my baby was sleepy and was trying to pull an all nighter. So I did someting foolish. I agreed to wake my darling at 4 a.m. so that the assignment that was so... urgent could be completed. I hope it works. Jeezz, what I do for love??!!
Oh, had a meeting with vendor and had the pleasure to watch my boss basuh the vendor for trying to overwhelm me with DETAILS:)
Well, got to go. Later!!!
Love,
Julie.
Have you ever been in love? Not the serious drop dead love of your life. It's the type that you feel light headed and giggly. I think adults call it 'monkey love' but I call it delightful crushes. Back then, I wasn't worried about his personality. I didn't even worry about our age difference. The only thing I saw about him was, good looks, good looks and good looks. He's never drop dead handsome like Brad Pitt. But more like, there's something in him that calls to me.
To be continued...
