[Page Count for C's FicPresent: 33]
[Previous Works]
Sunday, May 30, 2004
04:52 a.m.
[It's Four O'Clock in the Fucking Morning...]
...Actually, that's a lie. It's eight minutes to five, and I just got home maybe ten minutes ago.
Long story short, walked around the school six times, went to Tim Hortons with four or five other people at 2:00, talked until 4:00.
Long story shorter. Murray came.
I'll fill you in tomorrow, maybe. If I ever go to bed and ever get up.
Good morning, all.
Thursday, May 27, 2004
11:06 p.m.
[I Want a Boy Who's so Drunk he Doesn't Talk...]
music: Lover I Don't Have to Love- Bright Eyes
I feel strangely productive. My essay is done, Katelynn's is beta-ed, my column is written, and now that my chem project isn't due until Monday, the only thing I haven't done is an English assignment (which isn't getting done because I don't give a flying fuck after all that work).
Yeah, I'm going to wash out all the hairspray and get rid of the mascara (play went awesome again tonight, but matinee crowd was comatose). Lata, spacemonkeys.
Thursday, May 27, 2004
04:47 p.m.
[The Only Living Person in Glendora]
music: Glendora- Rilo Kiley
I am the beta-reader from hell. I think I added two pages of length to Katelynn's essay what with all the comments I made.
She's so going to plot ways to kill me. Oh yes.
~goes off to put on armour~
Thursday, May 27, 2004
03:59 p.m.
[Watch Me as I Cut Myself Wide Open...]
music: I Will Play my Game Beneath the Spin Light- Brand New
Oh I would kill for the Atlantic, but I am paid to make girls panic while I sing...
I really want this play to be over. Not so much because it's wreaking havoc with my ability to work on my homework (though it is), or because I'm sick of the drama theatre (though I am), but simply because mascara is the icks.
Four more shows.
Thirty days until grad, give or take a few.
English essay finished and more-or-less proofed.
Must call K No and find out if my cum review's been shoved back. ~crosses fingers~
And finally, I have a theme song (well, a chorus anyway):
This is a lesson in procrastination
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated
And every single second that I put it off
means another lonely night I gotta race the clock
(I ignore it and it ignores me too)
Lets say we go and crash your car?
And every time I leave you go and lock the door
So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder
I'm another day late and one year older
It's failure by design...
I'm such an ironic fuck. ~grins~
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
11:10 p.m.
[Born to Break this]
music: Stupid Girl- Cold
Opening night was tonight. Went well. I smell like hairspray.
Finished my English essay, which I'll proof tomorrow, when I've had some time away from it.
Yeah. That's it, I think.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
04:56 p.m.
[Someday I'll Find Me a Suspect that has no Alibi]
music: Private Eye- Alkaline Trio
Not much to report. Very tired and possibly overworked. Luckily(?) I've got all rehearsal to do my chem and finish 'Fight Club'. May even start writing my essay.
(Yeah, right.)
I'm kinda sad I haven't been able to get started/think about C's last two scenes. That really ought to be what I try to accomplish tonight when I get home.
Right. Accomplishment.
...I want to play Final Fantasy X. ~toddles off~
Monday, May 24, 2004
03:29 p.m.
[You're no Jesus]
music: Megalomaniac- Incubus
You are a GRAMMAR GOD!
If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!
How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Right, now that that's settled I must write my English essay.
Or at least plan it.
...open a Word document for it?
Thursday, May 20, 2004
07:17 p.m.
[~toescuffles~]
(Note: I'm posting exactly this in both journals, though some of you guys will recognize who I'm talking about, making all this exposition unneccesary)
Ok, I have a question for everyone who either reads this, or happens to pass by and is in the mood to dictate my life.
A year ago I had this friend. I'd known him for three years (and, because for this question to work I have to be honest, I'd had a major crush on him from about that same time), but it was that year, his grad year, when we actually got close and started hanging out. He'd come spen time with my friends, or we'd chat in the drama room, or in the hallways between classes. Long story as short as possible, that friendship was probably one of the best things that happened to me last year.
And then he started dating this girl, who I knew (and--curse this honesty--hated) and I found out about it second hand, despite the fact that I'd thought we were close enough that he would tell me, even though he knew how I felt about him. I ended saying up some horribly catty things when both of them were around, the next time we went out in public, and in the process I lost a lot of respect for him, and I'm sure he did for me, too.
So I ended up feeling horrible and slunk around all summer, feeling guilty and stupid. He went to college up north, and I haven't seen/spoken to him in a year. And for the most part I got over it. I don't have any romantic feelings for him, but I feel bad about messing up a really good friendship.
Today I found out that he is back in the city, and I know where he's working. And... I miss him. I'm over him, but I have missed him, because he was fun to talk to and so different from nearly everyone else I've ever met. And I'd like to talk to him again. Not to apologize, but just to shoot the breeze, find out how college went, hear if he's met anyone cool, find out if he's still into some of the stuff we used to like.
Except we haven't talked in almost a year, and I don't know if that desire is at all realistic. I'm at a loss here, which is why I'm finally getting to the point:
Should I talk to him, or avoid the art museum at all cost?
Tell me what you think.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
10:21 p.m.
[Horrible Horrible... TEXT QUIZZES!!! ~runs amok and obliterates a small village~]
Bands?
1. Bright Eyes
2. Barenaked Ladies
3. The Reunion Show
CDs?
1. Kill Your Television- The Reunion Show
2. Clarity- Jimmy Eat World
3. Hedwig and the Angry Inch- John Cameron Mitchel and Stephen Trask
Songs?
1. Superbowl Sunday- The Wunder Years
2. Tension and the Terror- Straylight Run
3. Cherry Lips- Garbage
Vocals?
1. Conor Oberst
2. John Nolan
3. Steven Page
A C T II .//. SPELLINGBEE:
Spell your first name in bands
Alkaline Trio
Nightwish
Dogstar
Reunion Show
Econoline Crush
Ataris
Spell your favorite band in bands
Billy Talent
Aretha Franklin (close enough!)
Robin Black and the IRS
Eve 6
New York Dolls
AFI
King Cobb Steelie
Econoline Crush
Dashboard Confessional
Looper
Anti-Flag
Dandy Warhols
Interpol
Enya ('E' names are hard)
SR-71
Spell your favorite song in songs
Center of Attention- Guster
History of a Boring Town- Less than Jake
Existentialism on Prom Night- Straylight Run
Reckless Fire- Scryed OST
Rough Draft- Yellowcard
Young Pilgrams- The Shins
Last Chance to Lose your Keys- Brande New
I Want You to Want Me- NoFX/SR-71/etc
Paris in Flames- Thursday
Say it Ain't So- Weezer
...and after all that, all I have to say is that Sean Bean as Odyssus makes me want a 'Troy' spinoff movie based on 'The Oddessy'. Because by the end of 2 1/4 hours, he was really the only character left alive that I didn't want to maim (ie: Achilles, Paris, Helen...).
Makes you nostalgic for the days of Boromir, hey?
Monday, May 17, 2004
11:12 p.m.
[You Elevate my Soul]
music: Elevation- U2
I've started to realize that C's Xmas fic will never completely stand on its own because there's massive amounts of history behind some of the characters. Ah well, it means that Frellie scenes get in. And. Dude. Frellie.
^__^;;;
Let is be known throughout the land that I love Kay-from-Iowa with all my heart and large portions of my fontal and temporal lobes. She is amazing and probably the best friend any girl could have. (BTW, the song lyrics were from a song called 'Boy Who Blocked his own Shot' if you still wanted to download it.)
Anyway, two tests tomorrow. Maybe I should chem-study...
Tomorrow.
Saturday, May 15, 2004
01:40 a.m.
[...we sent out an SOS call at a quarter past three, in the morning...]
music: Play Crack the Sky- Brand New
You are in the sort of mood that requires the slowest, saddest music you can find. Part of it comes from that fact that you haven't really slept well all week, and part from a sense of mellow melancholy that always seems to hit you on Firday evenings around this time. A small piece of it comes from something you meant to tell someone today and didn't, but that's not a big deal. You'll talk to them again and maybe you'll talk about it and they can pat you on the back and help you get over yourself.
You feel like an ass, because when you can compare your life to something you read on the internet, you know you're a little sad. Especially when you berated a character for doing something you do happily and do often.
And now, your moment of cryptic-yet-symbolic song lyrics, provided by Jesse Lacey, cause if your going to be stuck with an 'emo' label you may as well fit the part:
If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state.
You can keep to yourself.
I'll keep out of your way.
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down.
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I
sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds.
So call it quits or get a grip.
Say you wanted a solution.
You just wanted to be missed.
Call me a safe bet.
I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget...
You are calm and reposed.
Let your beauty unfold.
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones.
Spring keeps you ever close.
You are second hand smoke.
You are so fragile and thin.
Standing trial for your sins.
Holding onto yourself the best you can.
You are the smell before rain.
You are the blood in my veins...
You'd offer them a cookie to tell you the song, but that's not a fair fight. So you don't. Instead you worry that your blog sounds too depressing when all you really wanted to do was talk but you aren't sure about what.
You suspect that stress is getting to you. You don't do your homework for the most part, and you half-ass what you do get done. You stay up all hours because you have to much to do, but can't seem to accomplish half of it when you should. You wake up during the day for a couple of 80-minute intervals then lapse back into your coma because you just don't care lately.
This worries you.
You wonder, occassionally, if you are depressed, but you don't really have any of the symptoms except for lousy (school)work ethic and an addiction to sad songs.
And though you aren't looking foward to exams, or leaving your friends, you cannot wait to leave home because you are so, so cloes to losing it.
You meant it when you said it, though she might not have realized. There are moments when you want to scream and cry because you can't do half of what is expected of you---because it doesn't feel important.
Maybe three things in life are really important to you:
1) Friends--- and you're probably fucking that one up, because you'll never feel confidant about any relationship you have with anyone ever.
2) Writing--- which you can't seem to do much of either because of time commitments or because you're too drained mentally.
3) ...you can't really think of a third. Music and lit don't count because those are just constants. You don't really do either of those. Maybe the last really important thing is existing. Not letting them (whoever they are) get to you before graduation. You will not be broken because you have something to look forward to. You are (hopefully) going to end up doing what you love (hopefully). Survival is essential, because not surviving would likely result in therapy, which you abhore. Or worse, more high school.
You feel a little better now, because sometimes this all out purging is actually theraputic. You're still tired, but in a less pathetic way, though the idea of sleeping creeps you out because 2:02 is still early to you.
You apparently have 26 days of classes left. This scares and exhilarates you. You can make it until then.
I can make it until then...
Thursday, May 13, 2004
10:27 p.m.
[Oriental Rock]
music: Eddie is a Sweet Candy- 5.6.7.8's
My Point-Form Life
- Mum bought this really good After-Eight Hot Chocolate. F34R my minty-goodness
- Stockton (my drama teacher/"director") is an ass. I said the word "balls" about 18 times today because of him (as in, that's where I'm planning to kick him. And soon)
- Josh, Danielle and Derek seem to be really getting into the play, and Josh of all people is already learning his lines--he went off book for bits of today. Bless his little fairy heart
- Chemistry sucks. La la la... I can't see you, Chem Homework...
- I think I'm going to forcibly tackle Sam before our essay is due and make him let me proof it, just out of sheer curiosity. I'd never seen anyone have a logic fight with themselves the way that kid did in English today
- "Minihalter!"
- If you don't know why the above word is funny, then you don't hang out in the same livejournal communities I do
- Landon Matz (of "rawrhotbassists..." fame) likes Robin Black and the IRS. I want to have this man's children. Or at least discuss music with him again (we'll leave the babies up to Katelynn)
- I'm dancing like a monkey! No, really. Dynamite Rave just came on my media player (ITunes rocks, by the way, when they aren't trying to make you buy music)
- New blog layout this weekend, maybe... we shall see
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
11:21 p.m.
[Are You Sleeping?]
music: Brother John- Blues Traveller
Don't believe what Christiana tells you about her lyrics. They're funny, cute and so totally Max. Thanks so much, C! ~tackles~
Anyway, 5-6 scenes left. Whoo!
Keep your fingers crossed for my work ethic and homework load!
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
11:07 p.m.
[Why Would She Put me Through Such Torture?]
music: The Ex- Billy Talent
The faint sound of cymbals filtered out of the speakers, only to be joined moments later by a walking bass line and a female voice, singing scat—singing might not have been the right word, actually, as the voice chose that moment to rise into a scream. Andrinor flinched, and the cymbals crashed again, signaling the entrance of both the guitar and a male voice into the mixture.
“Do you need me to turn it down? If you’re not into it, it gets kind of loud.”
“No, don’t worry about it,” The male singer—Max, probably—was singing about either true love or walking in stiletto heels. Maybe both. Metaphor had never been his strong suit.
Someone should totally write me this song. I'd love you forever (and give you hero cookies).
[/cajoling]
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
09:06 p.m.
["And she Won't Stop until..."]
music: Woo Hoo- 5.6.7.8's
Ok, went to see Kill Bill 2 with Jason for his (very) late birthday present, and considering all the negative, nasty comments people have been tossing around about this movie I was surprised---shocked even, because I thought that, as much as the first part rocked, this half was even better. Either way, though, the whole thing together is on the list of Best. Movies. Ever.
Jason and I started compaing faveorite scenes---and spouting off lines.
"My name is Buck, and I'm here to fuck."
"Wiggle your big toe..."
"Five point palm exploding heart technique."
The list goes on... man, what I'd give to know what goes on in Tarantino's head somedays.
Monday, May 10, 2004
07:34 p.m.
[The 'Crepe-d' Crusader]
I am the master of pancakes, and from now on you may refer to me as such.
Monday, May 10, 2004
05:50 p.m.
[Walked Around my Good Intentions]
...I shouldn't have written that. The bit about choosing sides, I mean.
It's not like anyone's ever said flat out 'me or her'.
The people I know are too versed in the art of accidental subtlety for that.
Maybe I just guilt-trip easily.
I should go do my homework.
Monday, May 10, 2004
05:30 p.m.
[We Don't Believe in Filler, Baby (But Could I Sit this Out?)]
music: Failure by Design (how apt)- Brande New
So, I suppose I could comment on her last post. I could rant and yell and kick and scream at her about some of the things she said and some of the things she does. But I won't. Why?
Because I don't think it's required, for one. I know that she knows I love her, and that she's one of my best friends. She pretty much has to know what she means to me, because if she doesn't by this point then she's not listening.
Whatever.
She can have her self-delusions or ranty bouts of self pity or whatever it is that she enjoys doing. We're all entitled to out little bouts of self pity. Hell, this probably counts as one of mine right now.
So I'll just sit here and wait. And maybe things will work themselves out. Or not.
It's not like anybody ever says anything to my face any more.
...I can only take one side half the time, guys.
Collaborators: C Sam Katelynn Mel Kay
Critique: with reveiws with e-mail at DeviantArt
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