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You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.

You are looking for excitement and stimulation and you are ready to try anything - but be careful not to take too many risks.

All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation. Your emotions run high - but even though you feel as if at times you are about to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be some favourite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

You would like to break with the present and move on, searching for new conditions and relationships. Your anxiety and stress are results of unfulfilled emotional and perhaps physical needs. You feel that you are not really understood by your nearest and dearest and it is this that prompts you to move on, searching for that so illusive peace of mind.

1. What's the last vivid dream that you remember having? hmmm...i can't remember :( i think i had a dream involving my classmates on weds or tues... can't remember what exactly happened though

2. Do you have any recurring dreams? not that i know of. i hardly remember my dreams anymore. i should get down on paper or something after i wake up cos the memory fades away as time passes.

3. What's the scariest nightmare you've ever had? hmmm... think it was like 4 years ago... i kept having these scary dreams (can't remember what though - gosh i have such a bad memory!)...then i started sleepwalking as well then crying when i woke up. scary eh? glad i stopped having those sleepwalking moments.

4. Have you ever written your dreams down or considered it? Why or why not?hmmm...(see qn 2)... guess it's cos i'm lazy and too bad a memory to do it. also the fact that i sleep too little to actually have dreams happens i think.

5. Have you ever had a lucid dream? What did you do in it? ehh...vague memory. i remember having a dream once where i was dreaming that i was having a dream. how weird lol

i already have a loooong booklist to read during the holidays. am going to start tomorrow if possible. and watch lots of movies (umm $$$ constraints here though)

-sigh- seems people are all going places. susian is going japan. nawwar's going new zealand (and staying in a caravan!!!!!) i'm so jealous lol. minyu and wanting are going thailand. aizhen's going backpacking in spain.

as for me, i'm going pulau ubin (some offshore island). haha...check out the contrast

since i'm spinning in dizzy :)-ness, tonight... might as well do a quick blog on this week. the week of the common tests. hmm i'll admit i didn't study that hard ... since to me, they were just common tests. not expecting too much from this so i'll see how it goes... will work harder for promos at the end of the year though!

monday: - gp paper. passages were understandable though i didn't manage to complete the application question in time. as for essay, i am ashamed to say that i'm a traitor. wrote an essay about how i feel that exams are necessary but undesirable. ehhh... :P didn't feel like it was very convincing or persuasive though.

tuesday: - english literature. without actually reading either othello or hard times, i wrote like so much until my hand hurt... the one quote i chose to memorise "when i love thee not, chaos is come again." actually came into use 'cos the othello question was about the relationship between desdemona and othello! as for hard times, tried to snake my way through since i had to write about the given passage in reference to the whole novel which i had yet to finish reading! as for practical criticism, chose to do poetry cos the prose made me sleepy just reading half of it. er... made up some crap about the poem to be about this woman who had weight issues. haha -sigh- then watched ally mcbeal and gilmore girls when i was supposed to be studying econs... but ally mcbeal was gooood esp the-one-they-call-glenn ;)

wednesday - economics. i am so going to fail this one. didn't study the last lecture notes so i had to guess the last five answers for mcq... as for the essay... all i can say is poor time management so don't expect too much for it even though i did well for my first econs essay. as for data-response... i didn't even know what the stats were trying to say so snaked my way through again...
got home and talked to esther a bit about her problems... tried to offer some solutions... but i'm not that good a counsellor as she says i am. fell asleep for like 4 hours after that...got a bit mad at myself cos i wanted to study for maths. ended up watching the x-files then studying maths from 12-3am (but i kept distracting by all kinds of stuff) then read harry potter & magazines for another hour before going to bed at around 4am...and woke up at 10am for maths...

thursday - maths. hmm don't see a chance of doing good too. one, poor time management. second, practically didn't do the last four questions cos either i didn't know how to do or just got stuck. -bleah- maths just isn't my thing. downloaded an orli video to console myself. hmmm the hottest 25 star under 25 ;)

friday - TGIF!!!!!! history was bad. bad. bad. cos i didn't know my stuff that well and er...tried to snake my way through again. also didn't take note of some stuff like before and after. introductions were quite ok but after that... it was like urghh. well at least i knew what the revisionist stance on the origins of the cold war meant. some of the guys in my class didn't know and tried to write their way through by just writing about the origins without really trying to address the question i think. had a kick laughing at this. went home then came online for a while...got a bit of rest then went back to school again for RP but then i saw no one and got tired of waiting so i called minyu! then walked around jelita waiting for her to finish so i could call her again. then went back to HC and saw her and wanting!!!!!! missed them so much...i think i could have started crying. oh dear haha...anyways they say i look more mature in the Rj uniform...according to them, i look the same (as in face) but the uniform makes me look more mature. haha...hmm what am i to say? o k a y. then went to west mall with min yu and talked to her about stuff... she and wanting would be going thailand next week for community service. then she asked if i wanted anything... so i told her if anything makes her go "that's so chooimei!" then get it for me. lol. reminded us of something that happened during lit class a few months again.

gosh it's already 9:32 and i started typing this at 9:08... so happy the holidays are here! jillz probably went to bed even though she said see you in an hour at 7.30 :) i already have my to-do list almost done. and i have already started on one thing - meeting up with old friends! go me! haha

a little OT - been keeping the radio on frequently these few days and they keep playing the Ashanti song! must have heard it like at least 4 times today! and it's weird how i felt a bit sad this afternoon at the lack of a life (or so i thought - cos i have this amazing ability to make the simplest problem seem complex) and started crying when i heard linkin' park's in the end. how weird. oh well. think it's just me being me as usual. now on to enjoy my holidays!!!

added A LOT of online test results for a night. see 'em here

i think i haven't been this happy in a while :) :) :) thank you my friends for being YOU!

toe wouldn't stop bleeding again :( no biggie ... blood flowing is painless. messy though.

thought i had taken care of it on wednesday night but stupid me went to touch it again

i'm free! i'm free! now if i would get now to writing a proper entry. wheeeeeeee

OMG!!! remember how Landon bought a star for Jamie and named it after her in A Walk to Remember?? You can get one here!!! OMG! Someone better get me one before I die hehe =) Now all I wanna do is to watch A Walk to Remember again. -sigh-

posting this before my lit paper... can't remember any quotes at all ..urghh

and what does one have to do to avoid spoilers of any form? i was reading the papers and there was this article about who won Survivor 4... ahhhh i didn't want to find that way.

still printing stuff btw...getting bad headache right now, just took some medicine for it so hopefully it goes away...

anyways just wanted to say to anonymous that the dodo messages freak me out (try saying dodo over and over in your head)...and to Kristy - nice to meet you and welcome! :) and yesss i agree Orlando Bloom loooks so finneee!

btw, check out the picture i made for jillz's page! :)

horoscope for the week:

early week seems to be all fun and games with the possible exception of creativity. mid-week is a great time for romance and many of you will meet that special someone while others will make important commitments. late week, paperwork which seems to be delayed will cause some frustration.

sounds more exciting than the one i am actually go to have. oh well good for the other librans out there~

this must be my "lucky" night or something. in a span of 20 minutes, i was messaged by three guys on icq who said they found me on the icq search or something. and they also enquired about my nick, brilfeniel. how weird

and also been spending the last hour just printing lit notes. hopefully i can finish reading all of them in time...

i just got a pleasant surprise today... people are visiting Yukiez's page! I didn't know that and of course the guestbook entries jumping from 3 (when i checked in January) to 22 as I type! OMG yaayyyy though i haven't updated the page since dec 3rd i think. it is in need of a revamp! but the thing is i stupidly deleted the counter by mistake ahhhh the last i remember was i don't even remember any more but it was doing quite well. now i need to think before i press any more silly buttons. urghh

jillz!! you would be glad to know this! my sister is going to get me a double cheeseburger!!! MWUHaha...but i'm paying bleah

and chrissie if you see this, all the best for your last paper! and esther! plllllleasssseeee take care!

half the sites i wanna visit are down or something. i think it's a sign that i should be opening my othello and start getting quotes into my head other than the one that goes when i love thee not, chaos is come again" later~

1. What shampoo do you use? pantene - for as long as i can remember

2. Do you use conditioner? What kind? yup, after i started leaving my hair long. can't remember the name...think it's evergreen or something like that

3. When was the last time you got your hair cut? april 30 - but it seems like my ponytail is back into its orginal lenght again??!

4. What styling products do you use? styling??? let me start by combing my hair more regularly. :P

5. What's your worst hair-related experience?probably the years when i had the horrible short hair with fringe, looking like a mushroom head *shudders at the thought*

Congratulations! Your general IQ score is 150. A person whose IQ score falls in the range of 144-160 is considered to be "gifted". - ivillage, IQtest

i hope that comes into some use for the common tests.

harry potter movie is goood. taking a short break before starting the second disc. just wanted to come online to see who would still be online. haha. turns out everyone has gone offline. :) back to harry potter and the sorcerer's stone...

loong day again. had school as usual though i can barely remember anything... went to watch the rugby finals at the police academy. the meeting of the 'mortal enemies' haha, to quote one of my classmates. RJC vs ACJC. i went there by one of the buses hired from school but it was this hot, rackety, bumpy bus... got there rather early so walked around with the rest of the girls looking for seats, ended up standing around under a tree (where all the oxygen is hehe) but it was actually the AC side already but we didn't really care.

ended up sitting on the other side of the field where there were less RJ supporters but at least i had breathing space and could see. though i heck had no idea how the game works. it seemed like the guys were like trying to tear each other apart or sit on each other or something. i think i will never understand the game anyways... but the AC rugby jersey did look goood :) and it reminded me strongly of hogwarts. and ohhh guy with shirt no 13 was cute though my friend disagreed and said no 11 and no 15 looked better... hahaa oh well...

i had no idea what the scores were and having no idea how the scoring works at all...it was like i was watching the game without knowing who was winning but it became quite obvious when AC scored three touchdowns (someone was kind enough to explain that to me...). yeah, so they won...

would have gone for the basketball match, HCJC vs RJC which was before the rugby match but i wasn't allowed to miss my lessons for that.

btw, jillz, i got the evil plan from a random generator and i liked hehee so i didn't make any changes. and your plan is evil. you wed Orlando and i do your bidding? never!never! never!

My Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Evil - It's my nature

Stage One
To begin your plan, you must first devour a military general. This will cause the world to give one another worried looks, alarmed by your arrival. Who is this Nightmare beyond Comprehension? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a Robotic Exoskeleton?

Stage Two
Next, you must weize control of the Town's Water Supply. This will all be done from a space station, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will gibber like madmen, as countless hordes of classic thugs hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three
Finally, you must prepare your needlessly big weather machine, bringing about Nightmares for every Man, Woman and Child. Your name shall become synonymous with dear God No, and no man will ever again dare make you clean your room. Everyone will bow before your Amazing Toughness, and the world will have no choice but to lavish endless praise on your misdeeds.

JILLLZ!!! you must see this! this is THE site made for us! haha...have fun *evil cackle*

the doctor here is really nice =) the same one i saw when i had the very baad headache some time time. anyways, of course there was nothing wrong with me so i'm ok-ed for obs! =) got some tetanus immunization though...so now my left arm feels like really heavy and tired...

anyways the amazing race finale was ...amazing! it was such a close fight. think i will watch it again tomorrow night =)

home early again today. decided not to hang around during my free period and wait for pe...plus i'm like tearing and sniffing almost the whole day. if not for history lecture i wouldn't have bothered with school today.

anyways i was going to see the doc but then i realised that amazing race is showing now! the finale!

sad news: i can't log into msn...and i can't remember my password (i have relied on the 'remember password' function too much...) and the answer to my secret question as well so i can't reset it. urghh

back to the amazing race finale...

that includes me...i watch too much tv for my own good most of the time...

home earlier than usual today. feeling sick though (my nose has been hiding behind tissue since i got home and i was sniffing through lit lecture). a rather uneventful day as usual...didn't really do much cos mrs leong (my ct) didn't come again today (she wasn't here yesterday as well) so we didn't have project work period and ended early cos no one took us for othello lesson as well. had lunch in school cos i was waiting for the rain to stop and did my maths assignment. going to do my hard times essay only to find that desiree has my book so i had to borrow sarah's home.

picked up an obs form today. i still remember obs in sec 2 ...really fun except that my instructor sux... heard that there might be sailing this time! fun! yayyyy

anyways, to catch up the days i didn't really blog...

went out with esther on saturday. really glad to see her cos she's been so busy lately it seemed like ages since we've met though we still meet each other online but still it's different. anyways we went to west mall...and shopped around (mainly esther looking for a mother's day gift). after that we went to watch john q. not a bad movie though the ending was kinda illogical, i think. quote that stuck in my head for this movie is the one that goes "don;t say good-bye. say 'see you later'" esther had to leave soon after the movie though to rush home for mother's day dinner and i went to the library to check out some books...

i guess because we chose to watch a movie, we didn't spend much time talking but it didn't really matter cos it's still great to be spending time with her =)

monday was a really really long day. felt like i wasn't really 'there' at the lessons but the day passed anyway. ended with the dreaded napfa test... did the 5 stations first, and they were all c and above, so i just had to clear the 2.4km run well enough to secure another gold. unfortunately, halfway through i had a really bad stitch & now i can kick myself for not being more resilient - i shouldn't have walked so much cos i ended not fast enough for a gold was practically 3 minutes slower than i was last year.

only left the school at around 6pm and was walking slowly to the mrt station with vanessa & shimin. lionel joined us later. anyway, vanessa & i managed to get on the train just before it left buona vista but we were stuck at dover for almost 30mins. apparently, someone at another station was refusing to get off the tracks. hot, tired and sweaty and the day had yet to end. nothing much after that just really really tired...did gp homework & went to sleep after watching friends.

yesterday, mrs leong didn't come again. which actually means i have missed 2 whole weeks of othello tutorials (including today). nothing significant happened in school i guess. came home to learn that jillz's account had been hacked into.

was kinda confused about it. cos she seemed like she was happy to be free of neopets and yet at the same time she wasn't. i wasn't sure what she wanted (and i suspect she didn't too...just what i felt)...so i guess i didn't say much and we had a "little" argument again. i got disconnected then i came back to find an e-mail from her... would have replied if not for the fact that i got disconnected again. (little sisters are annoying... they use the phone half the day talking about the most nonsensical things... and refuse to get off the phone when told) i felt tired at this point and decided to close my eyes for a while... only to wake up 2 hours later

after that, like every tuesday, watched tv from 10 - 12.30 : ally mcbeal, gilmore girls then dharma & greg. glenn loooks so cute!!!! hehe...jenny is being less annoying now though the ending was sad. kinda. ally sitting all alone in her sofa, dressed up, but no where to go. (she needs a new therapist... i don't like this one whatever his name is) gilmore girls was cool as usual though dean didn't appear at all. after that tried to sleep but kept up for some time by two (crazy) cats who couldn't keep quiet...

My Colorgenics Profile

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

In the past there have been - and maybe there still are - many things that you have had to do without. You have now decided to set your sights on a position or situation that could give you greater prestige and which will afford you considerable self esteem.

You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.

The unwanted situation in which you presently find yourself is causing you considerable stress and frustration and your feeling is that whatever you try to do to remedy this is to no avail. You feel trapped. You want to get away from it all as you feel that you are banging your head against a brick wall getting nowhere. You have turned your aggression inwards and you are furious with yourself for not being able to achieve your goals. You need to go away, somewhere where there are less restrictions and where you can be free to make your own decisions.

You are completely worn out and you are not in the mood for any further demands on your resources. The situation - such as it is - has rendered you quite helpless, unable to continue the mental battle that you have been pursuing for some considerable time. Enough is enough. All you would like to do now would be to have some time for yourself, to find a peaceful situation where you can recuperate in your own time.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.