gravitation

click here if you don't see a black border

[[dobyuk gongju]]
Hoo~ I've had the greatest day ever. First I realized that my sister couldn't drive me to school today nor can my father. So I am forced to waste a token for bus fare (okay, not so bad). Then second period I had to take a Geometry "quiz." The quiz was three pages long. -.-;; Usually his quizzes are one page and his tests are two pages. Well, during the "quiz," he returns the tests we took about two weeks ago. I got a 79 on one sheet and a 65 on the other! I'm like "what the fuck!?" I thought I would've received higher grades. I studied HARD for those tests. Aish~ Two periods later was Lab for Chemistry. I got so angry that the stupid chemicals weren't reacting. And then after lab was over, I had to stay a little bit longer to clean up. Since I was on the third floor, I went to my friend's locker to put away my Chemistry books and realized that all my English books (for the next class) was in the BASEMENT. I was already late for class. So I ran to the first floor and practically begged my teacher if I could get my books. After that, we went into groups for this little project. My group are a bunch of bums. One's too lazy and the other's too "busy." I have to do the whole project basically. Hyoo~ And as if it doesn't get any worse.. The period after, I found out I had an oral Chinese test that's worth 30% of first marking period. How wonderful~ Mind you, I don't speak Mandarin well, but I'd probably do better than 75% of my class. It started to rain then...HARD. Aish~ The period after that is the last period of the day: my lunch. I was supposed to be tutoring some freshman. He didn't show up. I waited for 20 minutes. --;; Hyoo~ And probably the big finale! Since it was still raining, I walked outside a minute before the bell rang and took refuge at a nearby pizza store and waited for my sister. Once I saw her car, I went out. She continued driving, not wanting to double park. --;; So, thinking that she would be back in less than five minutes, I waited for her to come back where she usually picks me up..in the cold, COLD rain. She didn't come until twenty minutes later. By then, I was drenched and spirits were completely down because I had just seen Michael ignoring me once again. Best day. Absolutely --;; And NOW, I'm suffering from an emotional breakdown.. I guess it's expected for me to get that..especially since I've been overworking myself. sigh I haven't cried this much since my father hit me continuously for getting bad grades. The sad part is, I don't know which I'm crying for: My life.. or the fanfic.
gravitation is pulling Videl on Tuesday, October 29, 2002 at 08:30 p.m.

[[]]
Some people are so nice. bballskillz123: y u sooo stupid videl k m: cuz i am bballskillz123: omg soo stupid videl k m: yes videl k m: i realized bballskillz123: a big fat ugly load clown videl k m: i don't need to be told again videl k m: thank you bballskillz123: omg sooooooooooooooo stupid bballskillz123: y u accept that? videl k m: because bballskillz123: so u are a clown videl k m: i know that's who i am bballskillz123: jeez videl k m: yes, i'm IT the clown bballskillz123: i was just kdding videl k m: i'm going to eat you videl k m: i know you are videl k m: but some people are serious bballskillz123: but u accepted taht u are a clown bballskillz123: so u must be videl k m: yes videl k m: i am a clown bballskillz123: a big fat ugly clown bballskillz123: go say videl k m: a "big fat ugly clown" bballskillz123: good videl k m: are you done? bballskillz123: now say it to all your nerdy aim friends videl k m: why not? bballskillz123: come on bballskillz123: say it videl k m: i am a big fat ugly clown videl k m: u're the only "nerdy aim "friend"" i have bballskillz123: well to all your cool friends then bballskillz123: iam a big fat ugly clown bballskillz123: go videl k m: i have no friends bballskillz123: lair bballskillz123: y u lie bballskillz123: its no good to lie videl k m: it's the truth videl k m: what makes u think i have friends? bballskillz123: u lie again videl k m: do u consider urself one of them? bballskillz123: u going to hell videl k m: of course i'm going to hell videl k m: where else? bballskillz123: hell videl k m: HEAVEN? videl k m: hah bballskillz123: down to hell bballskillz123: the deep dark hell videl k m: hell is good videl k m: i hope u go to heaven bballskillz123: no its not u stupid bballskillz123: how stupid are u videl k m: how would u know? videl k m: have u ever been there? bballskillz123: videl k m: hell is good bballskillz123: stupid bballskillz123: the most stupidest thign in the world bballskillz123: u a retard clown videl k m: who knows videl k m: at least i know how to spell bballskillz123: who knows, what kind of answer is that videl k m: and i know my grammer bballskillz123: who knows videl k m: you're calling ME stupid bballskillz123: hahahahaahhahahaha bballskillz123: so u getting mad now? videl k m: who's the one who constantly IMs me with stupid words bballskillz123: haahahh bballskillz123: dont cry videl k m: not really bballskillz123: cry bballskillz123: awwwwwwww videl k m: haha videl k m: cry videl k m: stupid bballskillz123: poor baby! bballskillz123: i know u cry bballskillz123: cry in ur sleep! videl k m: actually i don't cry bballskillz123: i see you! videl k m: i haven't cried in years videl k m: yeah right u see me bballskillz123: lie again videl k m: whatever bballskillz123: u crying now bballskillz123: awww bballskillz123: u mad? videl k m: oh yes~ bballskillz123: awwwww bballskillz123: poor baby videl k m: i'm crying bballskillz123: dry those tears bballskillz123: i was too harsh ima sorry bballskillz123: u bitch! bballskillz123: u are nothign! videl k m: hmpf videl k m: no shit videl k m: i know i'm nothing videl k m: u don't have to tell me that bballskillz123: dei lay lo mo! bballskillz123: u bitch!! videl k m: why don't u? bballskillz123: btich from hell1!! bballskillz123: omg videl k m: aren't i supposed to be getting pissed? bballskillz123: who are u? bballskillz123: y u im me?? videl k m: who am i? bballskillz123: y u talking to me? videl k m: i am wind videl k m: i'm IMing and talking to u bballskillz123: y u curseing me out? videl k m: for the sole reason bballskillz123: y? videl k m: that u IMed me bballskillz123: u littel bitch bballskillz123: stop cursing me out!!! videl k m: cursing.. the only two curse words i said were hell and shit videl k m: oh yes bballskillz123: and stop crying videl k m: why don't YOU cry then? bballskillz123: y don tu stop crying videl k m: are u scared? bballskillz123: for me stop crying? videl k m: frightened because i'm "cursing" at u? bballskillz123: yes! videl k m: don't cry little boy bballskillz123: stop please stop cursing videl k m: aww bballskillz123: u bitch! videl k m: poor kid bballskillz123: slap thers goes reality bballskillz123: who are u??????? bballskillz123: i dont know you videl k m: absolute nonsense videl k m: if u don't know me bballskillz123: miss. videlkm videl k m: why must u continue to talk to me bballskillz123: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh videl k m: are YOU that stupid? bballskillz123: mrs. videl km bballskillz123: dbz videl k m: no common sense whatsoever bballskillz123: goku bballskillz123: gohan videl k m: no wisdom bballskillz123: dbz videl k m: nothing at all bballskillz123: u bitch! videl k m: just pure bballskillz123: stop cursing videl k m: ....stupidity bballskillz123: :P videl k m: hmpf bballskillz123: guess how iam videl k m: xuan bballskillz123: what the hell is hmpf? bballskillz123: fuck u, who the hell is xuan? bballskillz123: is that english? videl k m: hahaha bballskillz123: u asain right? bballskillz123: i hate asians! videl k m: no videl k m: good for you videl k m: i don't give bballskillz123: how can u see thru those eyes yo! videl k m: who knows bballskillz123: its looks like u always sleepy videl k m: maybe i am bballskillz123: i wonder what i see if i was asian bballskillz123: maybe all darker videl k m: your point? bballskillz123: its like u guys all need glasses videl k m: no matter what u say bballskillz123: damn you videl k m: u can't get to me videl k m: u can't get me angry bballskillz123: calling me a xuan videl k m: i know u might want to videl k m: but it isn't going to work bballskillz123: u calling me a chick bballskillz123: omg bballskillz123: u will die now videl k m: so why not just..fuck off? videl k m: kill me then videl k m: go ahead bballskillz123: going your home videl k m: go ahead bballskillz123: wathc out yo videl k m: go bballskillz123: watch out videl k m: i'm ready bballskillz123: in ur sleep videl k m: i don't NEED to watch out bballskillz123: your dreams bballskillz123: u are worry bballskillz123: i know bballskillz123: i can feel videl k m: hmpf bballskillz123: i know who u are videl k m: i don't care bballskillz123: i know where u live videl k m: i don't care bballskillz123: i know u like tetis bballskillz123: tetrinet videl k m: maybe i do videl k m: so what? bballskillz123: u will have to watch out videl k m: i don't have to bballskillz123: wathc your back bballskillz123: u asian videl k m: i don't need to bballskillz123: u crazy videl k m: u can't stab me videl k m: can* videl k m: u can torture me bballskillz123: u crazy! videl k m: u can do whatever u want bballskillz123: u bitch videl k m: i videl k m: don't videl k m: care bballskillz123: omg bballskillz123: u crazy videl k m: of course i'm crazy bballskillz123: ok when i sign off the phone will ring videl k m: okay bballskillz123: and ill tell u who iam bballskillz123: ok videl k m: sure bballskillz123 signed off at 10:48:38 PM. If you don't know, "dei lay lo mo!" means "fuck your mom." I hate ignorant people. I don't have a second phone line so I don't know what he said. He was probably going to say something stupid anyway. What's the point of wanting to know? No point whatsoever.
gravitation is pulling Videl on Sunday, October 27, 2002 at 10:59 p.m.

[[my everwood fic]]
It's wonderful, life is. Whenever I see the guy I currently have the biggest crush on at school, I feel sad. Why? Because I know he doesn't like me from the looks he gives me. He always gives me this look of hatred. Lately, I keep wondering why. I keep wondering why does he give me this look. I knew him from last year too (had a teeny, teeny crush on him). We've been having the same Algebra class so far. He never gave me any kind of look of distain or disgust. It was always...empty. But now, when he looks at me, I see the look. Is it because he thought we were competing last year? We sat next to each other last year. There was a total of three people that had Algebra the year before. Him, me and this other guy. Whenever we retrieved our quizzes or tests back, we both would secretly compare grades. But we got along pretty fine. We never really talked though. Only once I talked directly at him, but he didn't say anything. He knows I notice him. I made him laugh once last year, but that was all.. No more response after that..until now. Maybe he still thinks I'm competing with him. Maybe he knows I have a crush on him. Maybe he's just disgusted with the way I am. I don't know! But the thing I do know, is not to ask and not to pursue. I know I'll still be heartbroken. Plus, I know that I cannot be in any relationship whatsoever. I know that I'll be afraid to do anything and then break it up? Or something. I'll manage to create some miscellaneous disaster and then POOF! No more relationship. So I might as well stop while I'm at it. Even though I yearn for him. = Michael is his name...Michael Bennett.
gravitation is pulling Videl on Sunday, October 27, 2002 at 08:20 p.m.

[[save money]]
I believe I like to overlord myself with work. Or perhaps that I am too selfish to let others look over my work or help me. I give people the option, however, sometimes I just don't consider it. Just recently I forced myself to consider it. I am current starting a school club at the moment. A Mah-Jong club. Therefore I have much work to do. But I don't necessarily need to do so much work, right? I could just push the load over to my other officers. However, I do not do so. Instead, I'm stupid and I take over everything. Is that what I'm supposed to do? Or am I pushing it a little too much? Shao Fan thinks that I'M doing everything and leaving him with scrap. He also thinks that I won't take his ideas into any consideration, which is not necesarily false. I find most of his ideas obsurd. He also called me a bitch. I hate when people do that. So I just go along. I wrote a poem about that recently. Ehh.. I might as well post it. I know I'm a pathetic poet so don't read it. =P But since I have nothing better else to do now besides sleep, I post. Absolutely Nothing Nobody knows Nobody asks All they do is just assume They just assume that they�re right And because they�re right That they are superior to others What can I do? I will just accept it Accept it all as if it�s not hurting me Accept it all as if they�re right Accept it all as if I�m totally irrational Accept it all as if I�m nothing
gravitation is pulling Videl on Tuesday, October 22, 2002 at 11:17 p.m.

[[solid page]]
Hmm.. Been a long time since my last entry and thank you again pokey for reminding me. I guess there hasn't been much going on lately. Or at least anything of much importance. Yesterday I went to the annual Aids walk. I walked and ran and finished the whole 12km thing in between an hour and two hours. Pretty good timing, eh? I ran away from my "friends" and just started reflecting on everything. I heard that if you just start walking alone, it'll clear up stress. So that's what I did. It didn't really help, but I'll just keep trying. I'm going to start running every morning. Hopefully I won't die and next year, I'll be able to run with my friend, Charly. He ran six miles and then THAT'S when he started walking. =_= I'm crippled now. >_< It's sad. I'm getting envious of freshmen. I have a class with freshmen and they're always so active and stuff. I envy them because I don't feel that hype anymore. I made friends with a few of them. Man, they're really hyper. Some of them don't even want to associate with me. But that's okay. The only time I'm really hype is when I'm with my fellow class. Hmm.. What else? I'm starting a Mah-jong club. It's going to be on Thursdays. My friend, ShaoFan, wanted to be president but more people wanted ME to be president. Because before the idea of a Mah-jong club popped up, we used to play Mah-jong at my house and all. Doing it at school is more convient. Anyway, ShaoFan's fighting over the position and then he comes up with the great idea of having two club presidents. He's trying to shoo away my word of having it on Thursday. I asked a variety of people what day they wanted it and most people said Thursday. ShaoFan's stupid and conceited. He wants it on Wednesday for his own purposes.
gravitation is pulling Videl on Monday, October 21, 2002 at 06:59 a.m.

[[sims site]]
Surprisingly, I started to climb out of my ditch quite faster than usual. But then I hit rock bottom again after I conducted a test. I did a test to see who my real friends are. Nobody passed my test. It just made me feel weird, to know that in reality, I have no real friends. And because of that, I've been feeling really anti-social. I want to stay away from AIM nowadays. I don't like chatting or talking anymore. Haha. I find it amusing now. Okay, back to my stupid homework.
gravitation is pulling Videl on Sunday, September 8, 2002 at 11:51 p.m.

[[my bdai]]
I did a lot of reflecting last night when I couldn't sleep due to the fact that it was my birthday and this happens every year. Anyway, I came to a great conclusion: That my birthdays suck. Every year, I plan something (or whatever) and it always ends up in disaster. Two years I tried to throw a party, changed my saved Canadian money and wasted more or less 30-40$ on everything only two have two people show up for two minutes. Last year I tried to do everything so people would forget. People did and I was upset. Every year, I would always be sunk in a depression mode. The days after, I would try to climb out the vast pit I created. Right when I would climb out, it's my birthday and I would sink right back into the pit. This year, however, was not quite the same. I just wrote a "thank you" message to Minna, my counselor for the retreat this year. She sent me a card in the mail and wrote all this stuff. The main thing that stood out though, was that if I wasn't blessed with the Lord, I could still be blessed on my birthday. At first I disregarded that. But now that I really seen my day go by, I could tell that I was blessed and that I was finally happy on this day. However, I've still just fallen back into the hole. I don't know. Just a few hours ago, I was happier than anything, because of the events that took place. I was happy that my parents set that party up even though I regretted in the first place. It turned out to be quite an event, for me at least. But I don't know. I just..don't know. I'm really not feeling too good right now...
gravitation is pulling Videl on Sunday, September 1, 2002 at 03:48 a.m.

[[]]
I'm so stupid. Or lazy, same thing. I've been meaning to write an entry in yearsss, but obviously I haven't done so until now. I write about a paragraph last night but then I thought that if I fell asleep, I wouldn't want my sisters to be looking at this. Anyway, I guess it's time to move on to the stuff I originally intended to write about. Umm.. I guess there are three topics I would like to discuss. I'll start with the shortest. Pokey! It's for you! Since I don't really see you on AIM much and I'm just too lazy to click your comments thing on your blog talking about a totally unrelated subject. Anyway, I think you deserve an explanation as to why I haven't asked for your address yet. My sister's friend took Yami no Matsuei. =_= I had one more episode of that to record too. = As soon as I'm done that and Ai no Kusabi, I'll contact you..for sure. Moving on. Wendy's birthday is today, the 30th. I bought her quite an expensive gift. I spent almost $40 on it. It doesn't seem that expensive though. A Mashimaro trapperkeeper with seperators, extra paper, pencils, pens and erasers. The problem is, I don't think that we're really that close. I'm closer to SunMi and yet I only spent less than half the amount I did for Wendy. But, it's the thought that counts right? The last topic is going to be a very long topic. It deals with Andy. Well, I'd first like to state why I was so upset with him that night, and maybe part of it would be a recap if you read one of my previous entries (I can't remember which). Anyway, there were a few reasons I reacted the way I did. The biggest reason was because I had talked to Tomas a little earlier and felt bad because I kind of "broke it off" with him. The next one was because he called me cold-hearted and that I don't help my friends out. Haha! That sounds so funny. I do anything for friends. Once, it was like in early-December and a few of us were going Christmas shopping and Wendy said that she wanted this BIGGG teddy bear and I said I'll get it for her as her Christmas present. That was the third time I met/talked to her =_=. I give all to my friends and I get nothing in return. That's me. I don't care for much. As long as they're happy. Well anyway, Andy has the NERVE to go and say that to me. Well, you could tell how extremely angry I was because of that. Well, during the next few days after me denouncing our friendship, he goes and complains to a few mutual friends. One sides with me and another doesn't get the whole story. The other just knew that he called me cold-hearted and that's it. I told her the whole thing though. I still don't know who she sides with. Did I really make the nice/good decision? Anyway, he stops complaining after a few days and then sends me an e-mail apologizing. But the thing is..I expected him to e-mail me sooner or IM me with a different screen name. I wanted to bitch at him and then say sorry for causing him pain and then tell him that we seriously can't be friends since it wouldn't work out (run-on sentence). But it didn't happen... Every once and a whle he would write a xanga entry saying that he's sorry and all this stuff. I told Julia, who I consider as a best friend too (along with SunMi and Wendy, even though I'm not that close with Wendy), everythinggg. You know what she did? She said a few mildly comforting words and then asked for permission to comment on his xanga. She wrote a LONGG comment telling him she agrees with me and then at some point, comforts HIM more than me. She doesn't know him. She knows me, and yet she goes and comforts him. She thinks I'm evil. And now I think I'm paranoid because I typed that. Anyway here's how the rest goes. They start going out after talking a lot. Julia told me (after a few days when they officially starting going out) that they just started have mutual feelings towards each other and then started "going out." What's the problem? IT'S JUST AN INTERNET RELATIONSHIP! Yes, I'm jealous, by the way. She lives in Maryland, he lives in New York. How is it possible?! She calls him sometimes and they mostly talk on the internet. It's annoying the heck out of me. And the reason why I'm jealous. I'm actually not so sure about why. I think it's because he used to like me, but how could he say that if he's "going out" with one of my best friends? And her! Of all people, why Julia? It just makes me jealous! I don't like the feeling, by the way. And Julia thinks I'm angry about it, which I am, but I can not admit that to her. If I do, I'm just a horrible horrible friend and I can't handle that. And so, I'm done typing this entry.
gravitation is pulling Videl on Friday, August 30, 2002 at 02:13 a.m.

[[pregnant]]
I never realized that there was more that I wanted to talk about. Remember Brian? The upperclassman that used to go to my school but then the loser got kicked out and that I use to obsess over him? Well, he got a girlfriend now. His girlfriend is my age and frankly, when I first heard about it, I was extremely jealous and devastated. Now that I look over the situation, I'm okay with it. However, when I read the little messages they leave each other on one's xanga, I find it rather disgusting. Lots of people are not too happy about their relationship, of course I'm one of them. It's because Carolyn, or Bunnie as she likes to call her, is a little slut. Literally. She had sex with her last boyfriend, my age, five different times. She's not really all that pretty and her personality stinks. I think Brian could do better. I believe Tomas has gotten over me. He never talks to me anymore. His sweet messages are still up, only this time it's personalized. When he did these messages with me, he never added my name in any way. But this other girl.. I'm starting to believe that the reason why he didn't personalize it with me, was because he had two girls in check. Me and the girl named Bevi. I think it's quite possible. I'm, most unfortunately, jealous. ShinHwa is funny. I'm listening to their song "Free." It's stuck in my head. Now it's on repeat and it's playing over and over again. But there's one thing I noticed as I listened to this song. There's this one part that HyeSung goes off in the background. It sounds like he's saying "I don't wanna make you pregnant." O_O! He's really saying "I don't wanna make you cry now." Interesting. Click on the link above if you want to hear it. If it doesn't work, copy and paste should do it.
gravitation is pulling Videl on Tuesday, August 6, 2002 at 04:09 a.m.

[[andy's xanga]]
It's kind of interesting. I have no clue what to write. I'm just here. I read over my past entries. I felt kind of stupid as I was reading them. I think I was feeling WAY overdramatic. But now, hopefully, I'll try to think a different way so that it'll benefit my feelings and everybody else's. I told Tomas that I didn't want to go out with him. It was a pretty interesting outcome. He took it pretty well. That was my initial reaction, but I know that he did not. It was because he thought that I was going to say something else, something worse. He asked if we could still be friends. Truthfully, I don't think we could since we started out as wanting to going out with each other. Well, he wanted a girlfriend, right? And I was KIND OF forced into the situation. Well, anyway, I found out because after I told him off, I went back online to check up on my AIM and he had his away message up saying, "con noi tiec chi nguoi da xa." I knew it was something I had to save, so I did. Just today, Bi translated it for me. Bi told me "con noi tiec chi nguoi da xa, means 'why speak , when she has already left'." I'm thankful for Bi for telling me this. However, I have no clue what to do about Tomas now. Also, I got into a big argument with Andy. I don't even want to talk to him anymore. He called me a liar, useless and words that involved profanity. It was rude and offensive. I can't forgive him for that. He's so conceited too. In conversations, he only talks about himself and disregards anything involving the person he's talking to. I can't stand talking to them if he's going to ignore what other people have to say. What else? Well, I might go to Maryland again. Oh, and I went to New York too a while ago. Oh yes, at Maryland, I might go on Monday. However, I think it's a little too soon since I haven't even told my parents yet. So I have to discuss it with SunMi first. But Julia doesn't want SunMi to come because she's afraid that SunMi might run off with strangers, which is true. That's what SunMi would like to do. She said it herself. However, those strangers are friends of some people we met at the retreat so I think it's safe enough. Plus, SunMi would never go anywhere without company. She's not like that.
gravitation is pulling Videl on Sunday, July 28, 2002 at 04:34 a.m.

[[kara's blog]]

for some reason.. i don't feel like bloggin anymore.. but i'll do it anyway... just some random stuff... i won't go into full detail.. just people that seems to be buggin me..

3 guys that i have in mind to talk about.. 3 guys n a couple, now that i think about it..uhh let's start with brett... brett is a ..13 year old that i'm startin to develop feelings for..!?!?!? it scares me.. it's just he acts so innocent n cute... he's half white n korean and i met him from the retreat last year.. it's just.. i dunno X_X:; i kno he doesn't like me at ALL but that's okay.. i'm content with that

jeff is another little boy i want to talk about.. he's also 13ish.. ionoz.. uhh.. he's one of my NY friends.. oh! i of course tomas will be one that i would talk about.. i want to tell him that i don't think we should go out.. buh i don't wanna hurt him... so i want to ask eunju for her opinion first.. buh i never see her online n i dunno her number X_X;; aiyah..

found this on pokey's blog... AHHHH!! so cool.. that's all 8)

People don't often understand you - on one side, you like dressing up in animal clothes and maintaining the mentality of a seven year old. On another side, you can be serious when you want to, and you can give fairly good advice - but playing with your kumagorou is much more fun!

Which Gravitation Character Are You?

gravitation is pulling Videl on Friday, July 12, 2002 at 12:25 a.m.

[[tomas's xanga]]
sigh a lot happened... yeah.. my trip to MD... it was okay.. i mean yeah, i had fun, buh yeah, i didn't like it.. soo... ahhhh here goes =_= hmm... i'm tryin to recall wat we did... on sunday we went to church and then hung oot at jiyong's house wit him... we played one card (which is basically uno).. ermm.. sunmi was flirtin wit the guy jiyong was talkin to on his laptop... the guy was 83 n wanted jiyong to get us to go to his house.. funnie.. they live in the same building.. yah.. that was sunday... oh yeah... just a brief note.. i think i'm startin to like jiyong o_O;; eeeewwww that's disgustin, i know.. considerin the d00d is freaking TWENTY-THREE!!!! O_O;; i'm stoopid... buh i think he's cute and funnie... plus he plays sc.. buh then he doesn't like hangin oot wit ppl not in his age range.. he rather hangs wit the college peepz monday was the retreat... retreat sucked so bad.. i didn't like it that much.. buh i did like it...a liddo... the praise by terri myung sucked.. it's funnie, buh then she does it at the wrong time.. and she has so much time.. we're always tired whenever she does the praises.. buh i guess the "Rat Race" was fun... we had to go around in different stations and collect marbles by completin the tasks.... weird buh fun... my group was called Perfect and we did everythin the fastest we didn't choose the group name... our counselor, Minna unnie, chosed it... i kno her since she goes to FGBC (Full Gospel Baltimore Church) which is the church i attend whenever i come to MD... she was in the YG (youth group) last year and i met her and all.. so yeah, Minna unnie chose it bcuz the themes for the group names were a description of God... Minna unnie chose Perfect as a descriptions... others were Love, El Shaddai, Holy, Immanuel, Confidence, Forgiving, Future Makers, Everlasting, Rock of Ages, Merciful and Powerful.. yah wat else? oh! the cabins! they sucked b0LLz... there were only 3 cabins that were available for sleepin.. 2-3 male groups slept in one.. 2 slept in another and the last, all the girls were in... well.. there were some problems.. the younger girls slept upstairs, the seniors slept in the sanuactary for the first day and then slept in another room groud level of the girls' cabin.. and finally, the 7&8 and 9&10 grade girls slept in the basement... 7&8 slept in the hall and 9&10 slept in these two rooms... 10 girls in each room X_X;; i got along with all mai 10 girls, buh the other girls i HATE... reason why comin up.. the other girls i especially hated was DaYun, Esther, Julie and Jessie... some of the girls, i dun even kno who the heck they are.. buh DaYun and Jessie..oh my gosh! they ALWAYS give me these hard looks.. and it seemed like they were alwayz talkin about me.. Julie is 100% sure i'm handicapped in korean buh she STILL talks to me in korean.. they all do... just because everyone else can understand.. gosh.. i felt so left oot.. my WHOLEEE group could understand korean well except me... i was the oddball.. i couldn't communicate with most of my group.. there's a LOT more buh im tired... haven't slept since 12pm on the 3rd and it's now 7am of the 4th.. i must get two hours of sleep and then head out to wendy's house for her bbq
gravitation is pulling Videl on Thursday, July 4, 2002 at 04:46 a.m.

[[]]
not feeling good... not at all.. i kinda feel bad.. that i mainly blog whenever i'm down.. i should write happie stuff, shouldn't i? buh i don't...because imma bum.. a horrible one might i add so a lot's been goin on.. yeah.. this mornin i was talkin to johnny (xuan).. he knows that christina is gonna say to him that she only wants him as a friend.. it just made me feel sad.. because i feel bad for him.. it's like the same situation with me and tomas... and i'm sad because of tomas too... i really dunno wat to say to him miriam was crying today at the ksa picnic.. it was because the seniors weren't cooperatin with her... like.. it was a ksa senior picnic and we, underclassmen, are supposed to harass the seniors.. but then it didn't happen cuz the seniors were all crazy.. so yeahh.. miriam cried and yeh.. my sister got madd pissed at me... because i didn't return tapes.. when she came home, she was like "50 dollars off and no phone"... she was goin to buy me a phone and she was goin to give me 150 for my trip to maryland (tomorrow).. fuck man... i need 30 to pay for the way there and then 80 to pay bak julia's mom for payin for me to go to the retreat... fuck man! and so i started cryin to myself.. i was cryin to myself in the basement.. and then i heard my mom comin down so i made sure she didn't see me and then i went upstairs to the bathroom... where else can i cry? my room, my sis is in there, 1st floor, my mom's gonna be there and then there's my dad's room, no privacy. n then mai sisters room, mai other sis is in there. so yeah, imma cry in the bathroom.. and i did.. for the longest time.. it felt so..weird... it's been so long since i actually cried with feelin and meanin.. and so..yeah... and then i stopped after a while i went into my room and laid down.. my sis was on the comp... then mai other sis comes bargin in (the one who was gonna give me money) sayin that the onlee way i'll get the 50 extra dollarz is if i write an essay perfectly (no grammer or spellin mistakes) with 500 words.. if i mess up on spellin or grammer once, it's out.. if i wanna get 300 bux, it has to be a 1000 word essay.. i cried again.. i'm still crying
gravitation is pulling Videl on Friday, June 21, 2002 at 09:24 p.m.

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sub sub hae.... ahh.. i'm so tired.. i slept like 6ish and then i woke up at 7 when my mom called us down to eat.. sunmi was here too.... i kinda feel bad for sleepin on her.. then again, she was online... she left by the time i woke up.. and like, when we were eatin dinner, my mom was callin me a slut! she was like "when you go to maryland, you better not be fooling around with those guys and having their kids"... i mean dayam... wtN is wrong with her? she known me for 14 years and she dinkz imma slut? dayam.. and today.. the wallowin crew (wendy, sunmi and me) went to chinatown... it was originally gonna be just me bcuz today was the day i was gonna meet up wit tomas.. but then wendy was bored so i invited her.. n while i was invitin, sunmi bursts into my room.. she got in by my sister so i invited her.. she came too.. ermm i feel bad.. like we met up with him.. his friend was there.. like thant or somethin.. i didn't hear the name well... ermm.. but like.. i didn't like him... at all.. and when we got to the restaurant we were goin to, wendy got a fone call from her mom.. and her mom told her that she was gonna go pick her up now.. wendy had to be at my house.. so then i told tomas (who was holdin the door for us awww =[). so..i left tomas... we left tomas and his friend.. it was so sad.. and then i told sunmi and wendy wat i thought of him in more detail.. cuz like... while we were walkin there, i told them in chinese/korean that i didn't like tomas's appearance.. he was too short, he had facial hair and that he was dark skin.. i hate that in guys sigh i think of tomas as two different people now.. one is his personality, who i like... and the other is his appearance, who i don't like.. ionoz what to do...
gravitation is pulling Videl on Thursday, June 20, 2002 at 09:29 p.m.

[[most recent convo wit tomas]]
read the convo above.. and u'll kinda understand my thoughts below.. i wrote this thoughts on a piece of paper. but for some reason i wanted to type it up... i'll type it exactly how i wrote it YTHANG NGUYENY TOMAS PLEASE DON'T BREAK MY HEART SO BAD! I BEG OF YOU SINCE YOU'LL BE MY FIRST. I GUESS I IT WILL BE PRESSURING FOR YOU SINCE I EXPECT SO MUCH FROM YOU. WE DIDN'T EVEN HIT IT OFF AT FIRST. DO YOU STILL THINK WE CAN DO WELL TOGETHER? WHY AM I THINKING LIKE THIS? I MISS YOU. AND YOU ALREADY SAID "I LOVE YOU" TO ME? DO I REALLY DESERVE TO BE LOVED FROM YOU? WHY DO I ALWAYS MAKE THIS COMPLICATED FOR MYSELF?
gravitation is pulling Videl on Saturday, June 15, 2002 at 10:35 a.m.

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sighhhh i was soooo happy yesterdayyy~ but now i'm a liddo down... yesterday morning i talked to tomas on the phone for the first time.. we talked for an hour and a half and then i got online and sent him my pic since he asked for it... ionoz.. like on the phone and online, he said all these funny/sweet/nice things to me... i was soooo happy to hear him and stuff.. ahhh.. i didn't sleep until 1:30ish am.. i kept thinkin about him.. but then.. yesterday at school, eunju was tellin me stuff about him.. and sayin some stuff that i can't really tell anyone.. and what she said, made me kinda = about tomas.. made me kinda reconsider the idea of goin out wit him.. or maybe it didn't? because i still wrote his name like 10000000000 times after she told me.. ahh.. so then.. i'm very stupid, yanno? i told him wat she said. he was soooo shocked and he was bein MADD sarcastic... ahhh.. he kept talkin about that.. it seemed like he was so mad at eunju... i cried a liddo because of that.. i told him not to keep sayin it.. and not to be mad at eunju... ah, he's so nice... he did... but ionoz..... i think he likes me less because of that? sigh i dun want that... i like him a lot......
gravitation is pulling Videl on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 at 09:18 a.m.

[[nothing]]
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOO!!!!! guy problems guy problems guy problems!!! it's xuan, andy, brian and tomas.. ehh... i'll explain backwards since it's easier tomas: he's eunju unnie's friend.. he reallie wants a gurl and the reason why, he told me, is because "i want somebody to love and hold" or something like that.. aww he's so sweet.. but then he lives in new jersey, he's viet & chink but more viet.. i don't mind about that but it seems like we're kinda opposites because i'm chink & viet and kno chinese.. he knows viet.. he's a fob, i'm not.. i don't know --;; brian: i still liked him, as much as i denied it before.. that was because i didn't want to like him.. why? because i remembered that eunju unnie likes him.. i can't do that to her.. even though she told me to go after him.. but even then, i have no chance with him.. he doesn't like me at all.. he onlee sees me as a friend andy: andy REALLY likes me.. i thought about it and i realized that i'm reallie scared of commitment.. and i don't really like him.. i onlee like him out of pity.. see.. he likes me so much, he wrote this in his xanga: "wind...i still think about her every day. every waking moment of my life. shes the only real thing keeping me going right now...".. if tomas was my bf and he said somethin similar..would i react the same way i did with andy? xuan: ahh xuannnn!!! i liked him.. actually, i LIKE him.. ahh i'm such a whore.. likin all these guys.. X_X i liked him for a while but i just thought it was a friend thing... maybe it is? i'm not sure.. but like i saw him yesterday.. i saw brian yesterday too but i saw them both at different times.. xuan was at annie li'z birthday celebration.. when annie blew out the candles on the two cakes she got, we had the usual cake fight where we smear cake on each other's faces... i only had cake on my face at the time and after i accidently slapped steve (i could reach his face so i jumped and hit and i ended up slappin him) with cake, i went after xuan... he knew i was comin at him with cake and he grabs both my wrists.. he held a strong grip on my left and kinda weak on my arm.. he was cuttin off my circulation --;; he wouldn't let go and he told me to wipe the cake off onto the tissue.. i did most of it and then tried to get him again.. big mistake --;; he got his friend kenny to smear cake all over my hair and face --;; he wounded up lettin me go when he pulled my hands in another direction and pulled me away from him.. janet was nice enough to help me clean my hair... we made a mess on the floor and had to clean it up.. it was fun.. but it showed how mean xuan was? but the thing is.. he indirectly apologized..? ionoz.. something.. i still like him kinda after that since it was fun messin wit him... but my wrists still hurt oh yeah.. and that night, i IMed xuan sayin that my wrists still hurt.... we started talkin about that a liddo and then outta nowhere he goes something like "THERE'S THIS GIRL THAT'S REALLLLL CUTE THERE!!!" and starts ranting and asking me who she is... today i found out it was Christina, which i kinda expected, and i told her.. she wanted to kno who he was and i sent her a few pix of him and she said he's kinda cute... and she asked me for mai opinion while i was lookin for his pic and i said that i thought he was cute.. and she said the sweetest thing to me.. she told me that she won't go after him and was like "you can have him" haha.. yoo kno what i said? i said i onlee thought of him as a friend and that we onlee consider each other as friends.. am i kiddin myself? or was i tellin the truth? see my problem? ionoz wat i should doo... uh duk hae uh duk hae?!?! sigh i seriously dunno what to do..... bangs head against the wall
gravitation is pulling Videl on Saturday, June 8, 2002 at 08:45 p.m.

[[nothing]]
i am so fuking pissed!!! i was ringin my doorbell for like 20 minutes!!! i didn't have my keys with me so i had to keep ringing the damn doorbell! i was stuck outside in the heat for 20 minutes until my stupid sister finally opened the door! of course i'm gonna fukin yell at her! she was walking all slowly to the door and took her own fukin sweet time to open the shit.. her excuse: we were watching yugioh and didn't hear the doorbell.. FUCK THAT! she fawkin lyin! how can you NOT hear the doorbell?!?! i got so pissed i cried... not in her face, but in my room after i slammed the door in her face... stupid bitch!
gravitation is pulling Videl on Saturday, June 1, 2002 at 11:23 a.m.

[[andy #1's xanga page]]
oh my gosh... i'm so scared... what andy wrote on his xanga page... it's scary to me.. i don't know what to do... here, i'll quote, just in case he takes it off.. "im always thinking about wind. everywhere i go everything i do im thinking about her. im not really sure why... [insert heart picture]? oh god, plz dont let me do anything stupid that might stop her from talking to me..." oh mai gosh.. i don't know what to do... and i hate it when he talks about me on his xanga.. i feel embarrassed? i don't know.. i don't want the whole world knowing that i call him or try to call him everynight (which i don't).. i mean, i don't mind saying on this blog since not a lot of people read it... and plus, nobody in philly reads this so that's good... i taught little 2nd graders today.. i have to write an essay tonight on what happened or something.. i dunno.. i don't have the questions.. my friend was supposed to give it to me but she didn't.. those 2nd graders were so annoying X_X they kept talking to each other and they knew all these Chinese sterotypes and i wasn't able to fix all of them because one of my friends kept talking and was like "good, yeah, that's right! :)".. urghh.. and she wasn't even Chinese and couldn't distinguish Chinese sterotypes from the truth.. grrr... hmmm.... sigh.. i don't know what else... performing tomorrow.. extra credit... 2 and 7 period... but i'm not sure if i wanna do it 7 since nobody's gonna do it with me :( they make me go to their period and do it (i have the class 7th period, not 2nd.. i'm gettin out of class for that) but then they won't come to mine... cuz they can't or something.. so mean, right? sigh.. i guess it's alright?
gravitation is pulling Videl on Thursday, May 30, 2002 at 10:37 p.m.

[[newest convo with bi]]
i feel better now.. i talked to bi today.. and if that site doesn't work, then you'll have to wait a while until i finish talking to bi... and then i'll upload it :) ahh.. i missed talking to him... and now i just feel much better.. like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders i did a lot of things today that made me feel better.. i gave sunmi a phone card so then she can call her bf, stephen... i did it because wendy told me that it was wrong of me to totally disapprove of their relationship.. i don't totally disapprove, i just hate relationships and whatnot.. so yeah, i didn't like it.. and i felt bad, so i got her a phone card as uhh.. payback o_O yeah.. then i e-mailed julia again... i hope she'll reply.. that hasn't gotten the burden off me yet.. i'm hoping she'd do it soon so then ionoz.. i feel better... i've been feeling kinda crappy lately so i'm hoping she'll cheer me up what else? bi.. yes... ahh.. i miss the good old days.. i missed talking to him... that's why i'm tlaking to him now :) i like it haha.. it's fun.... yeah.. i feel better.. and i'm hoping to stay this way for a while... well, i'm gonna stress out because of finals which are coming up next week.. ahh... yeah.. but for now, i want to rest :)
gravitation is pulling Videl on Tuesday, May 28, 2002 at 09:59 p.m.

[[last convo with bi]]
i feel bad... i miss bi... i miss talking to him.. and it's all my fault that we don't talk anymore... maybe i should talk to him again? apologize for being so..me? ionoz... i feel bad.... i dunno.. i just started deleting stuff on my computer and i found his pictures.. and it reminded me of how i used to talk to him and all.. it was fun.. i liked it... but then.. we just stopped... and it's all because of me i miss my old self.. i miss how i used to talk to everybody.. i miss how i was all crazy and filled with life... now i'm just the opposite.. well, i'm still crazy but that changed to just plain weird... and stuff...... i don't know.. i want to go back to the person i once was... what changed me? i don't want to be changed... i miss a lot of stuff.... i miss Julia and the crew.. i haven't talked to Julia in so long... maybe i should send her a e-mail to see how she's doing i miss a lotttttttt of stuff... ahh.. i want to change back into the person i was... why can't i? because i suck..
gravitation is pulling Videl on Monday, May 27, 2002 at 10:44 p.m.

[[hotmail]]
changed the blog.. ahh... yes...
gravitation is pulling Videl on Sunday, May 26, 2002 at 10:43 p.m.