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[[my xanga again]]
i basically copied this whole entry from my xanga.. although, i changed some things.. i think it's better to read this version than my xanga version..

the performance of the second multicultural day.. the stage crew did something to our tape and so the music was all fast... only Wendy and me noticed... Annie was dead when she was dancing and she usually isn't.. it was probably because an aid took her cd player, which really wasn't hers and that she had to miss her detention because of the performance... 262 is so judgemental.. they said we sucked, when in all actuality we were the second best dance group compared to everyone else to what everybody said.. AASU (African American Students United?) was the best... KSA (Korean Students Association) was ours even though most of the club is composed of other races and whatnot

i forgot to hand in my form for geometry* and algebra 2* yesterday since Sun Mi, Christiana and Wei cut and hung out with me during 6th.. that means i have a lesser chance of getting accepted into the * classes... i also forgot to get the form for 6 major so that means i can't get 6 major next year, which means i STILL can't take algebra 2 next year anyway which means no free math course senior year... and i also forgot to return a book to the library.. overdue now

after school was jello's (jen li) bdai party thing.. i kinda forced Sun Mi to go even though she probably couldn't because she had to come to my house at 6 so then her parents can pick her up and bring her home.. so then we went and it was boring getting there and jen even admitted it.. Wayne, Jimmy, Wendy, Sun Mi and i caught the express and got off at..Spring Garden i think?..but nobody else got on... so it was boring.. all we did was play 13 and i helped out Jimmy since he didn't know how to play.. he had an automatic too = then we caught the 8th-Market one and met up with the others in there... boring.. but Dara chugged the bottle of liquor that Jen got from Andrew... funnie.. and then Malina tried to get Jen to drink a sip... peer pressure!

when we got there, there wasn't a lot of people and people kept leaving and stuff.. when they came back, it was the same time that everyone else had to go.. Jen was crying because of that.. and then the cake.. the cake was EVERYWHERE on the floor of the restaurant.. it was because Jen, Dara and Annie were all messy when they were spreading cake all over each other

oh yeah.. ShaoFan and me were being stupid during the celebration... there were like water and so we took the tea cups and played a game.. whoever lost in rock, paper, scissors, would have to drink a full cup of water.. water was supercold and we had to drink it... after we downed 2 of those big container things with water, we stopped.. man was i cold after that... and my stomach was full of water X_X.. i had to wear my jacket.. and then we played again a short while after with Thuy and Sun Mi.. we all tried playing at the same time... and then more people joined in like Christina, Annie and Wendy.. oh and Wayne too! haha i forgot.. Wayne played one game and gave up.. Thuy and Christina tried to cheat... Thuy didn't drink all her water and Christina only filled half the tea cup.. she got mad when i filled it up even more.. it was fun though.. probably the only thing i enjoyed?

after we cleaned up the mess, everybody was starting to leave... me and Sun Mi had to leave too.. Sun Mi left her cell at home and it was already 6.. her parents probably left her and went home... so, we left with Dara.. and when we went into the gallery to catch the sub, that's when i realized i forgot my bookbag... i'm still not sure if anybody has it.. if they don't, then i gotta go back to chinatown today and see if i can get it without getting scolded by the waiters since they saw the mess we made.. dayam.. but then there's my book in there.. the book that i wrote about people... analyzation, not talking shiet.. i never talk shiet.. but i don't think i wrote about anybody that was left.. or at least, nothing bad

then.. oh fawk man... when we caught the bus, we were walking to the back and then girl's like, "i like your shirt".. it was my KSA shirt that i had to buy for the dance.. so i went "thanks" and then she said to me "but it's too bad i'm american" so my ultimate response was "what the fuck?".. and then all her little friends were like "ooh! what did she say?" "she said what the fuck?" "yoo~ you got chumpeddd" and whatnot.. i got so fawking mad.. i didn't mean to say it like an insult.. i mean, what the fuck, I was insult! she was calling me some sort of fob or something... i mean, nothing wrong with that, but like, I'M NOT.. i'm american and that little bitch is gonna say shit liek that... i just totally ignored her after that.. and that bitch was screaming to me "what did you say? excuse me, i'm talking to you, what did you say?"... i just ignored her and everybody else.. and then after Dara and Sun Mi left, that girl and all her friends moved to the back and sat all around me.. i didn't really care.. if they wanna try and beat me up, they could go ahead.. acting like i can't fight.. i fought before, i'm not afraid of them.. i don't care if there were like 6 African girls surrounding me.. i can take them.. they don't know me like that.. and they were all saying shit too while i just completely ignored their words.. they were saying like "oh man! that girl chumped you" "___, if i were you, i would've went back to that girl and beat her up for saying that shit".. and then when i was about to get off the bus, the girl that was saying shit to me, she went "now i know the area you live in, you better watch out" or some shit.. all talk and no action.. and i got so fucking mad.. and it's rare that i'm mad.. i just went to sleep after that...

i'm still kinda pissed.. moreover sad.. i hate yesterday.. it totally sucked.. but Sun Mi called me at 9... 2 hours ago.. she and Wendy were waiting for me to go online yesterday... and then they called me at 12.. i was still knocked out so yeah.. they're so nice.. i'm glad Wendy's not pissed at me anymore... yeah.. yeah.. that's it..

i'm reading "So Yoo" right now so it's kinda sad and it's making me wanna cry... cry outta frustration, anger and sadness.. i did cry... am crying.. whatever.. still the same

oh yeah... i'm being dumb... i'm skipping out on Chinese school.. it's my last year and probably my last day? or is today my exams? i can't find my books so i'm screwed anyway... so i just decided to skip out... gonna tell my parents that today there's no school for the future graduates.. now i gotta figure out how to say that.... ah i'll just say 12th graders... Sun Mi's gonna call me when she's on break.. i don't wanna go watch the basketball game... i don't wanna go to Jen's REAL birthday party... i don't wanna go anywhere =[ i wanna dream a non-existant dream... aiyah... but then, I NEED TO GET MY BOOKBAG! i need to find out who has it first... aiyah... i hate yesterday.. i hate today.. and i'm in a crappy mood right now... i wanna kill something
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Saturday, May 18, 2002 at 10:59 a.m.

[[get updated a liddo]]
ahh i don't feel good.. Wendy IS pissed at me... or was? nah, i think she still is.. because of what happened yesterday when Sun Mi and i accidently ditched her.. she totally ignored us after school today when we went home with Christina... i don't think she even looked at me once except when i directly tried to talk to her.. even then she gave short answers and looked away afterwards.. Christina went southbound on the sub so it was just us three.. Wendy just continued talking to Sun Mi.. yeahh.. so i feel bad.. not only because of that, but because i know that she considers Sun Mi as a closer friend than me because i'm a "wall"... *sigh*

and like.. when we got on the bus, i could tell Wendy didn't really want to talk to me... and just continued ignoring me... yeah.... and so, i just kept quiet and thought about the whole situation.. on the bus, Wendy accidently hit me when she turned around.. she didn't look at me and said sorry like she would if i were a stranger.. i can tell that things changed.. no matter wat, i can't really change that..

Sun Mi also pointed out that Wendy wants to fit in with everyone.. first she goes to one crowd, then another, another and continues the cycle... it just makes me sad.. so sad i wanted to cry.. gosh man.. when i was thinkin about it on the bus, tears were forming in my eyes... i didn't feel good at all... and just acted like..something was on my mind or i felt sick or something.... yeah.. still don't feel good.....
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 09:27 p.m.

[[get updated a liddo]]
ahh i don't feel good.. Wendy IS pissed at me... or was? nah, i think she still is.. because of what happened yesterday when Sun Mi and i accidently ditched her.. she totally ignored us after school today when we went home with Christina... i don't think she even looked at me once except when i directly tried to talk to her.. even then she gave short answers and looked away afterwards.. Christina went southbound on the sub so it was just us three.. Wendy just continued talking to Sun Mi.. yeahh.. so i feel bad.. not only because of that, but because i know that she considers Sun Mi as a closer friend than me because i'm a "wall"...
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 09:27 p.m.

[[mai xanga]]
i'm so crazy.. i've been wantin to blog for a while now but every time i do so, it always goes whacko on me and i lose all the stuff i blogged.. aiyah... lots have been going on and i dunno where to start.. aiyahhhh

umm.. mai fake birthday passed.. went karaoke.. it was fun... i was expectin more ppl... and was sad because nobody else came except for a few... but i'm grateful for them... umm.. watched a few movies.... went to wendy's fake birthday party.. that was bowling + spiderman... ummm... it was okay... i just felt kinda sad after brian came... aiyah... yeah.. maybe i still like him?

nam asked me to marry him... i am now Wind Pham-Kobayashi-Jen-Kim.. aiyah.... pham is mai last name, kobayashi is mai first husband's last name (keisuke), jen is mai second's "husband" (christiana) and now kim is nam's.. aiyah.... so annoying

okay, i did brief summaries this time.. ahh.. there's plenty of quizzes i have to take... and i'll post them up at mai xanga instead... much easier? nahh... i'll do blog too ^_^;; okay... so for now, that's it
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Sunday, May 12, 2002 at 11:31 a.m.

[[pokey's blog]]
hmmm.. i was gonna blog last night but i didn't have enough time so i'll just type it up tonight.. i just wanna blog quickly because i have school in a few minutes and my sister's just started gettin ready =_=

anyway.. i was reading pokey's blog and i decided to comment.. ahh.. it's been so long since i've watched weiss kreuz.. i can't wait for the third season to come out.. koyasu takehito should get it out soon! oh wait.. did he already? nah, i don't think so.. but i want the next season! Ò_Ó

umm.. what else? oh yes.. just a minor little thing... pokey was talking about her obsession with crosses and then the word "staurophiliac" pops up.. i didn't know what it was, so i look it up.. at least, i tried to... what does it mean..? i think you spelled it wrong pokey because i couldn't find in a few dictionaries... oh well.. i'll try to look for it in other dictionaries too..

*sigh* i still have a lot to talk about later tonight.. about wendy.. and thuy... *sigh* we used to be so close! high school sucks.. =_= ahaha.. if high school's this bad, i just can't WAIT for college =____=
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Thursday, May 2, 2002 at 07:29 a.m.

[[suicide page]]
i got that link from andy #1.. he's feelin suicidal i think.. i don't know.... it hurts me to see him like this.. ahh.. our conversation will be up in my aim chats index after we're done talking
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Sunday, April 28, 2002 at 09:39 p.m.

[[mai aim chatz]]
i'm mad at ppl... a liddo... last last night, harry asked sun mi on a date.. she didn't know what to do.. so she said that she was gonna drag me and wendy along... and she wanted us to bring a date and whatnot... i didn't wanna go at first but then she told me to bring xuan... i was like "okay, sure.. i needed to talk to him about some stuff anyway".. yanno? i was comfortable with xuan because i know i don't like him anymore.. and plus i DID want to talk to him.. since he was moving...

yeah he's moving.. and i feel bad about it... why? because i told him that i'll throw a goin-away party for him... and like that i was originally gonna have one, but just for no reason.. just to have fun.. but then he told me that he might not go because he's moving to utah..salt lake city =[ so then i told him i'll invite his friends or whatever.. i told our mutual friend, bi, to come and invite his friends.. bi said that he and their friends won't go, no matter what because they don't care... it made me reallie upset.. don't ask why, because i'm not reallie sure why... i kinda got pissed off and sad so i signed off.. then the next day i was mopin around and decided to invite jen li to the party because she knew xuan and she said she was gonna go.. that night i talked with xuan and bi.. bi kinda apologized and said he was goin.. and then started rantin on about how they don't care.. i kinda got annoyed and told him... he said he'll stop talkin to me then said "bye princess"... i'm like what??

anyywaaaayyyyyy, i'm gettin off topic so i'll go back... anyway, i asked xuan if he could go on this "triple date" and he said maybe.. i have no clue why, but he said maybe.. i told sun mi and she was freaking out... and then xuan told me to go ask brian if he could go (xuan and brian are friends now due my stupidity of tellin xuan about brian).. i didn't know what to say... because xuan didn't know that i used to like brian.. so then i told sun mi that xuan told me to go ask brian.. she thought i wanted to ask him but i was too chicken to, so she asked him herself! grr Ò.Ó

brian said he couldn't go.. so then i went and told xuan... and i kept on buggin him to go with me since brian couldn't go.. he told me that he, most likely, could not go.. and then he told me to go ask bi.. -__- even tho he knew i was still pissed at him... xuan felt pressured and ahh that was so cute hahaha.. but he finally decided no, and durin that time i was talkin to him, brian cracked and said he didn't feel like goin to willow grove to waste his money and said he'll go X_X... then at the end of our convo (xuan & me), he asked if i was mad at him.. i told him no but i don't think he believe me =[ bcuz i'm not.. i'm just very upset.. that i'm gonna have to wind up with brian

then the actual "date"... wendy wasn't gonna go... so i thought it was just sunmi & harry + brian & me.. mai gosh.. i didn't want it like that... but then they managed to convince doug & stephanie to go.. and durin the bus ride, i asked sun mi for her phone (actually i just told her to... nuh cellphone joo-seh-yo [give me your cellphone]).. she asked me why i wanted it and i told her i wanted to call a friend and she guessed right: xuan... haha... i was thinkin that maybe while they watch the movie, i'll just be chiLLin with xuan... which is too bad for me since stephanie paid for my ticket

watched the movie.. it made me suicidal.. it was Changing Lanes.. don't ask how because i don't know... maybe it was the music, maybe it was the plot, maybe it was just the sadness of it all... it made me suicidal but it doesn't mean i actually killed myself, because i'm still here.. yeahh..

after that.. we walked to the bus stop and sun mi was tellin me that she didn't like the date... harry was boring kind of.. like he waited for somethin to happen and he wasn't entertaining.. she rather have brian, she said.. i told her i think brian likes her... she freaked out..literally... she kept grabbin me and not lettin me go until she found out if it was the truth or not... i said it was what i thought... and after that registered in her mind, she let go of me... i think stephanie and doug thought i was crazy (they were with us, waiting for the 70) because i kept saying "break the wall," quotin sun mi when she threatned me.. and at that time, i was suicidal from the movie so i was actually wantin her to kill me, the wall.. first time i said that, doug looked at me funny and then said somethin like "after you break the wall, let's throw it at a car" and i just laffed bitterly... and stephanie kept askin me if i was okay and i just faked a smile and said yes

yes... that's it... and then sun mi felt bad.. because she thinks that harry thinks that they're a couple or whatnot... i dunno... she wants to be me.. or a part of me.. but then, i know she can't.. she can't handle the pressure i have on my shoulders.. she can't handle the grief i have.. it's hard... she doesn't understand the consequences of being me... she doesn't know.. but like. oh yeah... i better say this or yoo might think the opposite

durin the movie thing, i stayed AWAYYYYY from brian. like i tried not to get close to him or whatnot.. sun mi thought it was because i still like brian... but i don't, yoo see? i got somewhat mad at her when she said that and kept my distance away from her.. i don't like brian anymore... i got over him... and the reason i stayed away from him was because i didn't want people to think i still like him.. i didn't want HIM to think i still like him.. *sigh* obviously, i didn't do a good job... ah that's it.. i gotta do my chinese homework.. spent about an hour bloggin X_X
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Saturday, April 27, 2002 at 06:41 a.m.

[[hotmail]]
i took pictures yesterday... studio pictures at chelthenham (way north part of philadelphia)... i turned out okay... everybody else turned out REALLY pretty especially wendy and annie... and mimi too =[ annie and sunmi also took solo pictures... sunmi turned out horrible in those and she knows it... annie turned out really pretty =[ she originally wasn't supposed to go since thuy and wendy didn't want her to go.. but now.. well.. it seems like wendy wanted her to go o_O =

oh yeah.. the reason why i originally wanted to post because of my dream... okay.. i think that i'm over brian and that i don't like him anymore.. i was decidin to throw away the rose he gave me.. yellow also means friendship....

anyway.. i dreamt it was mai fake birthday (april 23rd).. and uhh.. i went up to advisory and found two things on my desk.. 1. a teddy bear and 2. i don't remember.. the first was was sayin guess who sent you this on a liddo card.. and then i looked around and somewhere it said that the person who gave it to me was a sophmore.. i still didn't know who it was until i looked around some more and it said it was from brian! O_O i was shocked... ahh... i dreamt that... me, in my thoughts.. do i still like him? ahh

I HATE YOU BRIANN!!!!!!! ahhh... i'm so stupid.. X_X i need to take a shower now.. bye bye
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, April 17, 2002 at 06:19 a.m.

[[thuy's subprofile]]
just some various tests i took...

I am a hip critter. I showed up fasionably late with Super Mario World and have started launching your own career since then. In maybe 10-15 years, my popularity will rival Mario's. Not that I'm competing with him. He's my bud. I'm good at getting and keeping friends, and they value me for that. After all, who else would carry them on their back through ice, fire, and rain? Sometimes I think I'm taken for granted, but I know that my friends have my back. Of course they do. Who would screw over Yoshi?

What Super Mario Bros character are you?

What Video Game Character Are You? I am Mario.I am Mario.

I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You?



Take the What Kind of Slacker are you? Quiz



Very cute, very pink, and very feminine. That's you.
Find your inner rubber ducky.


Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Sunday, April 7, 2002 at 10:50 a.m.

[[wendyz subprofile]]
it's been awhile since i last blogged... don't ask cuz i dunno why either.. well, i'm not sure why i wanted to blog.. oh yeah now i do.. it's about this book i had to read for english.. well, the book itself is pretty popular.. it's called "A Child Called It".. it's a reallie sad story.. made ME cry.. haha.. or maybe i'm startin to get soft and that's why i cried? ionoz... but it's so sad.. go read it! haha.. u'll cry to.. and since it's a real life story..it's worth crying over... yeah.. don't waste ur tearz on nethin else besides this book haha..!! i was gonna talk about somethin else but i dun feel like it.. haha mai lazy arse. byes
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Sunday, April 7, 2002 at 08:17 a.m.

[[mai impossible friendtest]]
Survey results

Your survey was completed by 8 people. Here are your average scores:

Humor
Does this person have a good sense of humor?		4.3
Looks
Does this person look attractive?		4.5
Inteligence
Is this person clever?		4.3
Trust
Can this person be trusted?		4.5
Temper
Can this person control his/her temper?		3.5
Friendliness
Is this person kind towards his/her friends?		4.4
Mental health
Is this person sane and mentally healthy?		1.8
Courage
Does this person have enough courage?		3.6
Overall score3.8


Comments:
crayz biotchi
haha.....ur sane.....lolz...j/p...hehe...
SHES MA DADDY!!!
Those are the results I got from a Personality Survey. Ehh.. I'm upset about them. I'm not exactly sure why, but I just am. I thought I would have a higher rating in certain areas but I guess not, right? Though, in certain parts, I don't really mind. Only the Mental Health part I don't mind at all. I know I act crazy. Though, it's only an act, you know? But overall I got a 3.8? I think to myself, am I really that bad? With all the adjustments and changes I make upon myself, I still get such a low rating. I try to be likable and kind to everybody, so why do I get such a low rating? I feel like crying...

Well, at least now I know how people REALLY think about me, right? I can act all bitchy if I want to right? If I do, I'd probably score a 1 instead of a 3.8. There's a saying as to "Who cares what other people think of you, it's what you think of yourself that matters." But to me, it's different. I care about others' feelings before myself. I can't help but care for other people before myself. Isn't that a kindness trait? Then why did I get such a low rating on that?

And the looks. Oh my gosh. Usually I wouldn't be so..ignorant and conceited. But like, all these people are telling me that I'm pretty and whatnot that it actually started to get to me (which I deeply regret). Now that I did this survey, I get the truth as to what people REALLY think of me. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Should I have really done this survey?

*sigh* Yeah, That's actually all that I wanted to rant about today. I was going to say my first day "working" experience, but then..now that I got the results..I don't want to. I'll just briefly explain.

I asked Wendy if I could work at her restaurant, wound up being "Yes but you got to learn the stuff." So I went and learned and did orders and blah blah yesterday from 3pm-10pm and that's it. Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Monday, March 25, 2002 at 10:52 p.m.

[[dougz test.. im aig0o]]
testz from pokeyz blog

What Flavour Are You? Cor blimey, I taste like Tea.Cor blimey, I taste like Tea.

I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain. What Flavour Are You?


R

You are restricted. Well done, you're now
practically adult in nature, and plus, you
get to see nudity - have fun.


"Which Movie Classification Are You?"
Test created by Jamie - take it here.
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Friday, March 22, 2002 at 12:17 a.m.

[[philly.com]]
ah.. i wanna rant... so that's what i'm gonna do... i advise you to skip allllll this because it's gonna be boring.. first i'll start with the usual..

ah~ tomorrow.. 2 events... Grace's 16th birthday party and Mimi's 15th birthday party... i can't go to Grace (even tho i kinda wanna) so i'm goin to Mimi's? i guess.. that's stupid.. let's see what happens.....

****WARNING****BIATCHING AND MOANING****
i hate myself... i look at myself and i go EWWWWWW... mai feet are huge, legz are fat, butt sticks oot, huge hipz, no body, fat face, huge armz... i got a horrible personality.. I HATE MYSELF X_X i'm so fudgin fake... i can't even express how i reallie feel.. i can never tell anyone anything because i don't trust them enough nor would they really listen to me or advise me.. and i get angry at the wrong tymz.. i can't dance... i'm too stoopid..

i get mad at Victoria every time she bringz up the subject about mai gradez and i feel like smackin her or somethin.. but i don't want to since i've known her since kindergarten.. gradez... GAH! gradez!

fudge man! i'm gettin a fudgin 79.6666667!! i should get a fudgin 80 wit all the fudgin effort i fudgin put to improve mai gradez! but noo~ stoopid fudgin english *kick*.. and shiet man! i hate dis! i'm gettin a fudgin 3 in study skillz cuz i fudgin cut her class so many fudgin tymz! FUDGE! gah man i'm so fudgin pissed.... i'm fudgin TRYING to improve mai dayam gradez but NOOOOO stoopid fudgin teacherz screwin up mai gradez... i do fudgin A work and i don't even get enuff credit.... stoopid biatchez alwayz givin meeh Bz in english when i should be gettin a fudgin A! i deserve that shiet! with all the fudgin tym i put into doin mai work AND keep up wit the dancin shiet! it takez a lot of tym and energy... why else do i keep gettin a fudgin need to sleep! SHIET MAN! I HATE THIS SHIET!!! i wanna fudgin jump off the fudgin buildin or bang mai head against the wall or kill the shiet outta mai computer.... GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! feelin so dayam fudgin stressed! i'm NOT havin a fudgin good day.... btw, in mai mind i was thinkin the actual curse word instead of fudgin.. fudgin is too weak to express mai fudgin feelinz
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Thursday, March 21, 2002 at 11:55 p.m.

[[HOT MAIL! HOT MAIL! GET YOUR FRESH HOT MAIL HERE!]]
ehh... dun ask ^

hmm.. i dunno.... i feel so freakin sad today... i was gonna blog this morning but then my sister walked in the room.. so now i'm bloggin 16 and 1/2 hours later about a short liddo topic... or maybe not too short?

okay... let's start with my favorite topic: brian... pfft~ i... i feel i don't like him anymore? or at least, as much as i did? umm... on sunday.. i was thinking... do i want/need a boyfriend? i just want comfort and the feelin of protection from a dood... but.. do i reallie need a boyfriend? i came to the conclusion... NO i don't... but then.. after i told thuy (although maybe i shouldn't?), sun mi & wendy.. i felt sad? why? because i was lying to myself? because i was lying to them? because i don't want to stop liking brian? why? i don't know... i'm just so freakin confoozed

and... annie.. she's been bad... so freakin bad... before, in the beginnin of the year... oh my gosh.. we were tight... we used to be so much alike... but now.. she made her liddo clique called "bot paw" (meanz biatch in chinese).. and they.. well... it's excluding others.. and annie starts talkin shiet about other ppl.. i want to confront her and tell her... but the thing is... i'm afraid that if i do, then i'll lose her as a friend.. and.. i'm afraid if i don't do it soon, and someone tellz her that i wanted to say something, then she'll hate ME and think i'm a wuss or somethin... aiyah.. dilemma... i'm the kinda person that cherishes friendshipz.. i hate myself sumtymz =

what else? oh... just a liddo thing and i'm done? nope... a few more things to talk about.. spring break, multicultural day andddddd this.. now what was this? oh yesh~ i failed my spanish test =) no.. that's bad.. it made my happiness go flushing down the drain and stayin down there... i hate spanish... i hate my teacher... i hate lyfe... i hate me X_X

spring break... i wanna go to maryland... ppl want me to go and stay in philly... what should i do? i want my friend from maryland to come here for a few days (so i can please my philly friendz too) and then i go to maryland for the rest of break (so i can please my friend in maryland)... dooooshiiiooo~~~ ionoz... aiyah...

ahhh~~ dance... i love to dance... that's why for multicultural day at mai skool (it's when the cultural clubs in mai skool go up and dance somethin from their culture? kinda yeah) i'm in 2 dancez... for one, i'm dancin to ShinHwa's Hey Come On! and doin more or less the same movez... then i'm doin a fan dance yup... ahh... so stressin... rehearsal was today... and tomorrow.... and then ya gotta do it again thursday... and then another one next next tuesday (april 2) and finally~ the show the next day! wh0a! yeah i know.. busy schedule.. and attire... i gotta wear baggy jeanz and a tie dye shirt (which costs the 5$ i don't have since i still owe sunmi 12$) for one day and somethin else for the other... aiyahh!!!!! and my friend is comin to watch me perform.. isn't he nyce? AHHH!! okay, i'm done... i think i hear my sister coming... goodnight.. i have a test tomorrow... stoopid odysseus *kick*
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Tuesday, March 19, 2002 at 11:38 p.m.

[[brianz subprofile]]
"i'm sittin hea listenin 2 luv songz, wishin u waz hea~!".. ehhh... yeah... i just wanted to briefly explain this... hez had dis for a while on his subprofyley... i wonder who she is tho, yanno?

oh and i tried callin him sat & sun but whenever i tried, his celliez off.. soo imma try to talk to him todai since he probably would come bak todai.. and uhh.. yeah? umm... sunmi and harry... awwww... sunmi... awwwww.... harry.. grr but awww ='( yanno wat i'm talkin about? probably not... but harry doesn't like sunmi.... but she likes him.... and she told him... guess what happens next? awwwww~ ='(
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Monday, March 11, 2002 at 07:14 a.m.

[[pitas]]
i'm actually readin frankenstein while bloggin so if it seemz weird ish cuz i'm tryin to read at the same tyml...

okay uhh.... i had a pretty bad day yesterday -__-;; hmm.. i'm still upset over brian... i still dunno wat to do.. should i listen to eunjoo and go for brian or should i listen to sunmi to stop? or should i talk to brian.. i think talkin to brian is the best thing to do... but he hasn't been to central lately... and oh mai gosh.. i had a dream about him.. kinda but yeah.. and i had a dream weeks ago about him...

the dream weeks ago was about.... hmm.. me, brian, sunmi and two other ppl i can't remember was in the lunchroom of central.. brian and sunmi were sittin in a booth and me and the two others were sittin in the tables or whatnot.. sunmi and brian were talkin about somethin.. and every once a while the two others would say "stop cuttin.. go back to northeast" and i would say somethin like that but in a nycer tone and onlee once and a while... then brian got mad at the two and yelled at them.. then he looked at ME and yelled at me.. -__- after yellin at me, i felt reallie sad and then he continued talkin to sunmi.....

the recent dream... oh! umm.. it was a long dream and part of it was when brian appeared.. me and lang(i think it was him) were late to skool and we were rushin to the subway.. on our way, brian tapped me as i was runnin? i think that was it... i stopped and looked back and went "O_O! brian!" and i ran over to him.... i tried to get a hug oota him and he rejected me... i forgot what he said.. and then after that he ignored me and started talkin to lang... after a while i got a liddo jealous? of the attention lang had and pulled on lang sayin we're late and continued runnin.. brian sayin bye.... aishhhhhhhh

i dunno why i care so much about him... he's always on mai mind... ew i bet he'll be creeped oot if he ever saw this page.. he's gonna think "omg, this psycho biatch is writin about me in every single entry O_O".. *sigh~*

oh yeah.. after skool... annie shooed me away again.. when she was talkin to stacy.. a longggg while after that i almost got into a fight wit andrew juss cuz he took mai cards? how stoopid is that... after that i heard (or before?) dara and kei singin a song... i forgot what's it called... oh and then uhh christiana needed somethin so i got it for her and jennifer lam carried it... we ran to christiana and walked into the room... i was laffin about how jen was so secretive and then annie, who's in the room, starts sayin somethin like "don't laff... they're about to perform".. ionoz.. it's not reallie yellin at meeh or wateverz but it hurt, yanno? it's like, now, she got sumthin against me or somethin.. and i don't like that... cuz i wanna be liked by everybody? durin that tym Veasna, Kei and James were singin a mandarin song.. it was nyce ^_^ and Veasna didn't kno i was there and when i was talkin to him yesterday night he was shocked and like "you were there?!?! O_O" hahaha... funni~

blog more laterz.. gotta read frankenstein more X.X
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, March 6, 2002 at 06:25 a.m.

[[ShinHwa's Maybe]]
aish.. i found oot a lot about brian yesterday.... hmm... first i'll start with the recent since it's much shorter... sunmi was talkin to him on aim yesterday at mai house... she was askin who that gurl was in his profyle... i wanted to save the convo but she X-ed it X.X hmm.. well, she asked if she knew her and he said he didn't kno.. he said that he heard that the girl likes him... then sunmi asked how did he know and he said that the gurlz friend told him... aiyah... there was a liddo more but then i dun remember... ionoz..

and then the longer story... it happened durin lunch.. my lunch at least, i didn't cut yesterday xP~ but like... first i was hangin oot on the 1st floor, middle corridor cuz i was waitin for sun mi to come oot, since she said that she might go on a bathroom break since she hatez algebra x.x and newayz, eunjoo (sunmi's cousin) was in the classroom near the stairway i was waitin at.. she saw me after a while and came out of her class (she has contract in this class) and walked over to me and started talkin to me

we went up to the lunchroom together and she suddenly asks me oota nowhere if i liked brian... i said yeah and then she asks if i knew the whole story between her and brian.. in all actuallity, i didn't even kno they knew each other since they never seemed to talk... and there was a reason for that....

bfore freshman year, they were tight... real close and stuff.. and then a few months after freshman year, eunjoo developed feelingz for brian... she told him online... first she tried tellin him in IM, but he kept signin off.. then when they were all in a chatroom wit a buncha ppl, she said it again and the whole chat got quiet.. brian was a liddo mad since she publicized it... after that eunjoo kept her distance since brian was ignorin her and stuff...

oh my gosh.. eunjoo used to give all these stuff to him.. and like, when she gave him burned cdz, she would leave a note in korean sayin "i like you" and he couldn't read korean at the tym so like one time, he asked her wat that said.. and she just took it and ripped it haha

and on valentinez day!! O.O she bought him a heart chocolate(? dun remember) and she got a box and wrappin paper to wrap it.. eunjoo, brian, and a buncha other ppl that weren't korean but chinese or viet were out and stuff.. hangin oot... eunjoo and brian were the onlee korean ppl so they felt that they needed to talk to each other since like the others would talk about or in chinese and vietnamese.. so yeah, whatever... eunjoo lost the nerve to give him the present so she just went home.. and then the next day, she heard from her friends that after she left, brian was all sad and didn't order anythin... aiyah.. he's so..carin -_-

wat else? oh and when brian and cynthia started goin oot, ppl thought eunjoo was like mad at cynthia since they stopped talkin... but eunjoo said that they got into an argument or somethin... she said that she wasn't jealous or anythin..

and then she said that all throughout freshman year, she tried lookin for a gurl for brian since he wanted one.. but like, she couldn't find one for him... and well, she wants brian to be happie and all... and she wants him to find a nyce gurl and all.. and not a bitchy one.. and then she looks at ME.. and she was like "that's why if it was you, i'll be cool and all.. i'll be happie for brian"... she wants me to continue goin after brian.. but ionoz.. i dun want to? i'm afraid to i guess

she also told me that her friend asked brian if eunjoo ever has a chance to be with him.. and he said yeah but if she had talked to him more... see, eunjoo stopped talkin to him after a while since like she was intimidated with him knowin that she liked him and all... aish

aigo... i think there was more... but ionoz.... i gotta get readie for skool.. i've blogged for 20 minutes alreadie.. aish.. kayz, bye.... uh dduk hae?
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Tuesday, March 5, 2002 at 06:32 a.m.

[[pfft]]
i'll make this quick since mai parentz are gonna shoo meeh oota the house soon so then i could go to chink skool... okay uhh... i was readin brianz subprofile yesterday and i found this...

"For you.. ^.~ hope you know who you is.."

"diz gurh.. she specho.. real specho.... wish i could tell her.. maybe soon i will..."

okay watz the problem? well, i'm startin to lose mai feelingz for him.. i dink its cuz i told cuong that i liked brian but ionoz... probably.. and uhh if that gurl is meeh, wh00pz~ i wouldn't kno what to do.. aishiez... and uhh when i read this, i felt kinda sad.... cuz wat if it wasn't me and brian liked sum northeast (his new hs) gurl? ionoz.. aishiez... stomach hurtz... gonna go.. blog later... bye
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Saturday, March 2, 2002 at 08:46 a.m.

[[jiwon's new cd download]]
hmm.. todai (yesterday, whatever) was a pretty bad day.. hmm.. what happened? well, most of the bad things, happened after school.. well, at least, told me to after school..

durin 7th period class, we had a trial.. it was based on the report we all did (i mentioned that in the entry below)... mai group was the first to go up.. ack~ it was easy but i was kinda nervous.. i'm a defendant so yeah, ppl were badgerin meeh.. but s'all right, i did okay.. everybody knows that the Tainos Indians are innocent of all charges so they pretty much left us alone and asked easy questions

but then after that we had KSA dance practice.. and uh when i got in the room Yena, Stephany, Sun Mi and Chris were practicin for the "Joyful, Joyful" dance for the ASA talent show.. so i had the chance to walk around the school like a idiot again.. it was borin.. nothin reallie happened

but then afterwards, Sun Mi just rushed oot the door and came up to me and told me that her house was robbed again... i didn't know what to say.. it was the second time that happened.. first time her parents' money were stolen, and this time her brother's money was stolen.. i didn't know what to say.. i was shocked.. so i didn't reallie help her either.. Thuy came up to us too and Sun Mi told her what happened.. all Thuy did was hug her and stuff since she's not good with givin advice and stuff..

after that SunMi told Wendy and Grace... she said they did nothing too.. after a LONGGG while, i was talkin to somebody.. oh! it was uhh Eva & this gurl.. i wasn't reallie close with Eva since i just met her todaie but uh i kinda knew of her since ppl told meeh a liddo about her.. i watched Eva, that girl, Saundra and Cynthia (Brian's ex) dance to this song as a submission for the ASA talent show.. their dance wasn't reallie that good tho.. cuz they like... uh.. wasn't reallie hyped? ionoz how to explain it.. all they did was move and nothing else.. not reallie good dancing X.X sorrie if it seemz like i'm sayin "they suck at dancin and me, the expert, is great".. i'm not great, but i think i'm better than them cuz i actually put emotions in the dancin kinda? ionoz...

newayz, after a liddo fake praising, i walked away from them and found Wendy and Annie close together talkin.. i was about to literally jump in and go "HEY~!" but then Annie sensed mai presence, stepped a liddo away from Wendy and said reallie harshly "Could you leave us alone?".. i was shocked and hurt and Wendy went like "O.O She just means that we need to talk" and i guess Annie felt a liddo bad and said sumthin like that..

and then while i was walkin backwards away from them, pretendin i understood and wasn't affected and all, Annie was like "You know I still love you right?" and as usual, i went "you better Ò.Ó".. *sigh* but i was alreadie pretty far away from them and tears were comin to mai eyez.. what can i say? Annie's words reallie hurt me

after that.. umm.. i think Thuy wanted to talk to me.. so we were talkin.. yeah, it was after that.. she was upset cuz of the reason why Annie got mad at her.. Annie told Thuy that there were people talkin bhind Wendy's back.. Thuy told Wendy.. now Annie's mad because Thuy told her.. and uhh.. Thuy asked Annie, "If someone heard that there were people talking behind your back, wouldn't you want somebody to tell you?" and Annie's response "Yeah, but.." so i guess Thuy is kinda mad at her..? but see, Annie's response is kinda understandable since Thuy has a habit of tellin people's secrets to other people easily.. she i did it to me, did it to Annie, did it to Wendy.. did it to a lot of people

after that Stephanie, i think, wanted to kno where Sun Mi went.. so me, bein the bad friend i am, ditched Thuy after tryin to comfort her, and went to search for Sun Mi.. after i was near the main corridor (school is shaped like a E, the long part is the main corridor and everythin happened in the first horizontal line (-, just in case i meant to say verticle), someone called out to me sayin, there is she.. and there was Sun Mi, comin up from the stairway.. i could tell she was cryin as i got closer to her.. and i could tell it was Bridga that she was talkin to.. they started talkin about somethin and then it was time for Sun Mi, Stephanie, Yena and Chris to audition for the ASA talent show.. so everybody in the hallway went into the room while i stayed outside the room, playin Snake II with Sun Mi's cellphone

after that we went home.. while we were waitin for the bus to come, SunMi was tellin me that she was mad at Thuy because she told Chris about her house bein robbed.. she didn't want Chris to know because he would tell his close friends which is like everybody in KSA.. she said that Koreans talks too much, like gossippin.. haha she's dissin her own race cuz she's Korean too.. but like she's different because her closest friends AREN'T Korean, while most of the other full-Koreans are close with only Koreans and maybe have an ocassional friend that isn't Korean, yanno? aishitokies.. so SHE'S mad at Thuy now.. even Christiana, mai wife, is mad at Thuy since Thuy never shows up for ASA ribbon dance.. she always hangs out with us, the KSA dancers.. well, i'm in the ASA dance too, but the candle part of the dance.. Thuy says that "I already know the dance, so why do I still have to come up for practice?".. but Christiana told me that she's the worst dancer out of them all... sooo...

*sigh* it's just so distressin.. so after stickin with SunMi for a while cuz she's kinda scared to be alone in her house with onlee the police... and when i went home, all i did was lay on my bed, eat dinner and then went to sleep.. and i'm up now.. dayam.. it's 4:30 now -__-;; i think it's all i have to say.. except.. while i tryin to go tack to sleep bfore i submitted to the computer, i was thinkin about Brian again.. -___-;;

he was most likely goin to be at mai skool Friday and i reallie wanted to talk to him about US, if there was gonna be a US, or any possible way.. herez wat i thought the conversation will go:

me: heyz Brian
Brian: hey
me: can i talk to you for a while? or do you need to go back to the lunchroom to talk to somebody?
Brian: nah, they can wait.. what you wanna talk about?
me: i want to know.. hmm.. if you like me in any possible way.. because like, you treat me so good and i dunno, you're makin me like you even more than i already do.. you're leadin me on

that's all i could think up.. ack... cuz 1. i dunno his response and 2. this thing sounds corny now that i typed it up.. or maybe i should just give up on Brian.. who cares if he's gonna like me after i finished likin him? like that's ever gonna happen xP~ plus, i hate seein my friends suffer.. it seems as if whenever i'm happy, everybody else in the world is mad, angry, sad, whatever!

for example.. if yoo read mai valentine's day entry, i'm all happie and stuff.. but if yoo read other ppl'z, THEY'RE havin a crappy tym or just plain don't care! and mai friends.. oh mai gosh.. they had the worst -_-;; heck, i had a pretty bad one until Brian FINALLY showed up.. and Wendy, the next day, her and Chris broke up.. bad days man.. i feel so bad.. that's why i think i should never receive happiness ever again.. cuz if i do, i'm afriad that everybody else is gonna be sad and i can't live with that.. oy i'm done and imma have my 1 1/2 hours of sleep now
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Thursday, February 28, 2002 at 02:09 a.m.

[[type v forum]]
aiyah... my head hurts... i woke up a while ago from mai liddo nap.. i was supposed to wake up at 12 but i winded up sleepin for 3 more hours -__-;; oops! haha~ i'm tryin to do my homework.. and usually i do my homework so late at night that it's mornin... which is why i took a liddo nap so then i could do it... so far i got half a page ^^ essay is about the Tainos Indians and the near exitincion of their race.. who is blamed? well, i gotta defend the Tainos Indians.. which is easy pfft~ hardest one to defend is Columbus ahha.. i talked to mai friend earlier and she had him... she called him "that damn bastard" hahahaha... funni ^^

hmmm... what else? i talk to inori rei now.. it was fun.. back in the summer a bunch of us used to post at solid07 (which now the forum is closed and borin~ xP~).. and what i did was gather up most of the snz of the people and invite them to chats like every night... it's fun... (solid stole mai patented chats and put it on his website bfore it closed hahaha).... umm.. oh! and whenever me and rei-chan was online and in the chats... whoever stopped talkin, we would consider them "dead" and "throw them off the bridge" hehe ^^ so when the people realized they were in the ocean, the results were pretty funni! and then after awhile, it was changed from "throwing people off the bridge" to "wrapping bras around them and then throwing them off the bridge"... interestin o.Ov

but then what happened is that solid forums closed down.. well, that time, the solid chats were at its peak cuz ppl go in there complainin about when solid will be back up and stuff... then when solid opened up without the commons and pictures part of the forum, the chats died... they complained about the forum, but after that.. it just died.. nobody went in there.. well, sometimes people did because solid had put up a link to the chats.. though the chats then were absolutely borin.. what am i rantin about? i was talkin about rei-chan.. haha~ interestin ^^

well, newayz, recently, andy (ShaiLaoBoy back in solid and andy nuttz on aim, there's 3 andys in solid) told me that rei-chan wanted to talk to me but she couldn't because she uninstalled aim... stoopid andy didn't tell me how he knew if aim was disconnected.... so i asked if it was because of the type v forum, and he said yeah hahaha.. i got chu xP~ so now type v forums is how i talk to rei-chan ^^ she's still as cwaji as ever and we plan to throw andy over the bridge again once she reinstalls aim... and her exact words "I might download AIM again! Then we'll have a FIELD DAY Throwing Andy's over the bridge!" hahaha she's so funni ^^

hmm.. lets go back in time... i'm tryin to rack up some memories now... so i can remember haha o.Ov okay that was weird... w0rd hahaa vO.o sometimes i scare myself -__-;;

ugh i'm tired... uhh~ lesse... BRIAN! hahaha... mai favorite subject to talk about~ well, before i hate talkin about him because that stoopid bum was makin me like him and hate him... wait, he still is tryin to make me like him -__-;; and unfortunately, i'm submittin.. ack~ he's too nice to me... but then, he's like that to other girls to.. well, except sun mi.. he's mean to sun mi.. maybe because she totally dissed him when he asked her out to ACU banquet.. eh~ i was jealous -__-;; cuz sun mi is mai good friend and brian is mai crush.. but they do make a good couple = now that brian left central (our skool), sun mi likes him... he asked her before he left and now she's regrettin that she said no... she once called him and implied deeply that she wanted to go with him to ACU but he just said that he was gonna go alone instead.. interestin, no? o.Ov

umm.. i got sidetrack in thoughts again... aiyah -__-;; anyways... well, uhh.. brian is too nyce! yeah, that's what i was talkin about... umm.. he's always sayin yes to me when i ask him of somethin.. he acts like me sometimes -_- stupid people bein born in august... he's a year and a day older than me! aiyah.. strange... umm.. oh yeah.. like the things he says yes to me would be like when i asked him to be my valentine ^^... and just friday he said yes to me again.. i asked for his picture hehe.. well, i asked for his picture WITH me.. first he hid himself hehee~ and then he laffed and asked if i already had one of him... and i said i wanted a pic with him hehe.. he said sure and then saw somebody... someone he knew? i'm not sure haha.. but i gave the person mai camera and brian told him "don't steal it or i'll hunt you down" or somethin... the guy started walkin away from us with the camera hidden haha.. he came back a second later... so we took the pic, his arm around mai waist ^^ so yeah, i'm happie about that.. and i absolutely cannot wait till i develop it ^^ but i'm also kinda sad cuz he's leadin meeh on~ ='(

aiyah.. mai back hurts.. and the feelin of sadness is rushin in... so imma reread some of what i wrote and then stop bloggin... oh yeah.. haha~ pokey e-mailed me.. and then i checked out her blog... this is funnie and from her blog "And yes, videl is the fellow sechskies premonition-er (or so I figure from her list of links). I found her from wami's list and of course had to add her. *sigh* *missing the good ole days* I'm really glad a lot of writers started up blogs. It makes stalking that much easier. ^__^"... hahahahaha~ ^_^ kayz bye
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Monday, February 25, 2002 at 02:59 a.m.

[[shinhwa forum]]
yeah.. i changed the layout.. i didn't feel like archiving the old one so i just replaced it... oh wells... that's all.. i don't feel like bloggin... dunno why... just feel sad.... that's all...
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Thursday, February 21, 2002 at 08:45 p.m.

[[pitas]]
i feel so bad.. i got home at 1.30 last night and my mom didnt even care.. why? cuz my cousins drove me home.. i went to the asa banquet yesterday after my cousin was talkin to my mom about it.. if i had asked my mom, she wouldnt let me go.. but if my cousin did, yeah i could.. and thats what happened... my cousin talked to my mom about it and stuff

lessee... first, after skool, i saw brian.. but i pretended not to... how stupid am i? but it doesnt matter..i guess? cuz he probably wouldnt have done anything... i knew it was a one day thing.. because im sure brian saw me.. and if he did, then wouldnt he approach me? or maybe hez scared too? im not sure.. im confoozed.. and i dont feel well right now

christina followed me home since i told her to.. and i showed her my dress... she said she liked it but that it didnt suit her.. *shrug* if ppl dun like it, then just say it, jeesh.. so then we went to G&G and looked around for an hour before she found what she wanted.. she didnt like my suggestions on clothes so blah.. it was borin for me and it hurt me even more...

then she went home and i just said home... and at around 5.30-6, my cousins and aunt came over.. datz when mai cousin was talkin to my mom about the banquet.. and she let me go.. so i got all my stuff together and after arguin wit my mom, i ran to wendyz house.. sunmi was at wendyz house already.. so i went in and changed and then they put make up on me... i insisted on puttin on blue eyeliner which wendy did for me.. sunmi put on some eye shadow and she put lipliner and lipstick on me.. then i tried to do my lips, messed it up and wendy fixed it.. and then i put lip gloss on it.. nobody did my hair but it was alright.. wendyz cousin, mai, was there too.. i called my mom and after some fussin we got a move on it

we arrived and we paid and.. uhh i saw charly, steve and nghia.. cool, huh? i took pictures of almost everybody.. i still have 15 more to waste along with another roll of film.. christiana and stacy thought sheng was cute haha~ i expected that... i pointed them out and they thought he was cute.. annie wanted to see what sheng looked like and so did some other ppl... kinda fun...

except.... after a liddo while after i got there.. and before lac, suzanna, sheng and rubin came, monica came with lisa.. after a while, carolyn [bunnie] wanted me to take a picture of her and lisa... monica also comes into the picture and i said that i wasnt gonna take a picture with her.. and then she was bein smart and said sumthin rude to me... and so i got even MORE pissed than i was bfore when i saw them come in.. then i started to pick a fight with her and yellin at her and shiet.. lisa saw meeh angry and approachin monica so she pulled me back and startin sayin shiet to try to calm me down.. it calm me down alright, down enuff to realize what i was doin and it made me want to cry.. i didnt want to since my makeup would run and plus i didnt want to embarrass myself.. so wendy took me and brought me to the bathroom.. sunmi comes along to and tries to calm me down even more... i wanted to cry so much too but there was other ppl there.. i tried to explain myself but i couldnt... there was no excuse..

the rest of the night i just ignore HER.. but once i got out of the bathroom, lisa comes up to me and startz biatchin at me sayin shiet like why am i bringin up the past... i dun give man.. i fawkin hate her and i have a reason to.. lisa doesnt kno the whole thing... she thinks i hate stick cuz of lyda.. no wrong... she doesnt kno... so for most of the night i just acted happy... i saw irene [yeah, she was there too] talkin to stick.. made me mad and made me start to hate irene... freakin....

but when dinner started.... simon was nice to me... reallie nice... kinda scared me to... oy... but i guess its alright ionoz... i didnt feel any better.. my day was already ruined when i found out how stupid i acted.. i hope my pictures came out nicely.. ionoz where i came from with that... ionoz i just dunno..

and when it was like 10ish, after the auction was done, the dance floor was open to all.. i could tell that everybody who sat at the same table wit stick liked her...includin sunmi... stick dragged sunmi to the dance floor and freak danced with her... i just sat like a loner with charly, nghia and steve, talkin to them.. when amy [yeah, she, maxine and heeae came in with jen] went and danced, a guy was dancin with her... and he asked her for her number and she gave it to him.. go amy!..

i realized that lac and sheng left the party and went somewhere, and when it was like 11ish maybe, i went up to suzanna and rubin and asked where were they and implied that i wanted to leave... they said they went to pick up an -.- so i just left them.... and after another while i asked if we go could now and stuff... oh, and veasna asked for a ride too. asked me though -.-... so suzanna went to call lac and stuff.. umm... i took a walk around chinatown when it was 11.40ish... stoopid, huh? they still wasnt there so i just lurked around... i ignored my friends, pretendin that i left already.. yeah how nice am i... i cried actually... smeared my makeup a liddo too.. the side of my face was bluish but no one noticed since my hair covered it and it was mostly dark... the end of the party came as did lac and sheng.. jenny [asa prez] and i think thomas was in the two cars.. they were in shengz car... me, veasna and suzanna was in lacz car... theyre crazy..

but i found out how nice lac was.. he was reallie nice to me.. maybe he realized how sad i was.... he didnt try to talk to me, which was a relief since i didnt want to talk.. well, when we were in the car, he asked if i had enuff room.. well, he had to say it a lot since i couldnt really hear him.. then after that he left me alone... and while him and veasna was talkin.. i kept comin up but lac didnt really say anything about me.. but then another time came up and he said that he wasnt gonna go over protective of me since hez not my parents and that hell let me do whatever i want.. its my choice and all... so nice.. and umm.. after they dropped veasna off, he asked in either english and chinese whether i had fun and why didnt i call sooner if i wanted to leave earlier and if i was tired... that was when i realized that if somebody was speakin to me in a nice tone and in chinese, i would feel better.. it was nice...

sheng and lac stopped in front of my house and i rang the doorbell a few times and my mom opened the door.. i waved bye to them, i dont think they saw me but i went to my room.. i changed into some odd clothes, smelled and fingered my rose and then cried myself to sleep
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Saturday, February 16, 2002 at 10:39 a.m.

[[brianz subprofile]]
ah! im so happie!! and the entry below, i forgot wat i was gonna write so im not gonna try and finish that.. but um.. yeah! im so happie.. its been a while since i experienced that... and all these ppl were tellin meeh how much i looked happie todai... well, im referrin today as valentinez day, 2.14.02... and i was even happier 2.13.02.. ill start with the 13th! ^^

well, brian came to central again, as much as i disliked him cuttin but wanted him to come X.X dilemma... newayz umm.. at the beginnin of 6, i was lookin for him [even tho i cut 5 haha]... i was gonna ask him to be my valentine ^^ and see wat he sayz... so i was thinkin where he would be and i walked from the lunchroom into the stairway and went down to the second floor.. ionoz why, but i just went there cuz i alwayz see brian pop oot from there.. so i turn the corner to the main corridor and i still didnt see him... i was gonna turn bak to look for him in the 3rd floor main corridor until i saw him hehe ^^... so i walked up to him, stood by his side... and started tryin to ask him... we were right in front of the vendin machines when i started to talk to him.. and i finally got it oot a liddo after we turn the corner to the 1st corridor... hehe~ kno what he said? YES! AHHHHHH!!!!!!! i was soooo happie!! i was jumpin in joy...LITERALLY! ah!

i went lookin for sunmi and wendy and thuy... and oh my gosh EVERYBODY! well, i didnt reallie wanna brag but like i was so happie dat i wanted to tell mai closest friendz... oh my goshhh!!! i was extremely extremely happie that i couldnt stop smiling! ahh!! i was like [quit smilin gurl] haha..

i found sunmi after a while.. she wasnt cuttin like i thought she was... but she was just goin on a bathroom break -.-v but when i told her... oh my gosh... she was kinda sad... cuz she wanted to ask him to be her valentine.. aw.. that made me feel so bad.. cuz i asked him first.... ack~

i told wendy in dance practice... sumbody put on the moojik while i was whisperin it to her in her ear and then i ran to my spot... when the moojik went off she went up to me and hugged meeh and said [reallie??].. ahh~~ i was sooooo happie! like i got laid hahaha~ ^^v i told sum other ppl but i dun remember keke ^^v

ah~ i asked them to come to lotte wit meeh since i wanted to buy his gift... ah! they so nice.. they came ^^ i also had to return the non stop tape too haha~ o.Ov i bought somethin for his cell.. its reallie nice i swear! therez like 2 parts to it... the main part is bloo and it says LOVE.. but therez korean characters that make up each letter.. its so nice.. the L said sumthin like [sa rang hae yo dang shin eun] and the O said [young won hee ham kkeh eet suh] i think.. i forget the rest since i couldnt read it too well hehe... and then the other part of the thing had two other liddo strings.. at each end was a golden flat dog and before that a bloo flower design and a purple flower design.. its so purty.. i put it in a bloo heart box and i also gab him three heart candie stick thingyz... 2 were red and one was bloo... he likez bloo ^^

i also bought a bouquet of candie roses for sun mi.. since i felt bad that i stole her valentine.. so yeah... datz all for wednesday.. so happy man... *sniff*

thursday = kinda bad but kinda good.. in the mornin, i stuffed the bouquet of candie roses in sun miz locker bfore i went up to the lunchroom and annie ngo, jenn luu and julie was tellin meeh that i was bad since i stole sun miz potential valentine... ahh~ made me feel worse.. then i went up to the lunchroom and got a chocolate rose from thuy.. AHH!! <3 and when wendy came, she gab mee a red candie rose, like the ones i was givin to brian~ aww~ <3 to her too

i cut advisory which meanz that i didnt get my candigramz.. i went to wendyz advisory instead... found a lot of ppl i knew haha... umm.. drew was on tv haha.. he was actin, but still, on tv.. dun wanna get too detailed haha... um.. wat else? oh!

when first period arrived, i forced sun mi to go to spanish class... and so she went to her locker while i went to class... she told me that she open her locker and the bouquet went pOp! and fell on the floor -.- she was supposed to catch it hahaha.. but she loved it and thanked meeh and hugged meeh.. and uhh.. yeah hahaha...

then i cut 2nd period too since flaxman wasnt here, which i was thankful for since i didnt do the report that was due todai and i wrote a fake note instead... umm.. so i hung oot wit thuy, christiana, annie, alex, dara, alex and doug.. all of which who cut O.O lotta ppl... so i had fun.. kinda... ionoz ppl ditched meeh after a while... but i got to finish my algebra homework haha ^^v and at the end of 2nd, i asked doug when was brian gonna show up and he said probably 6th or 7th w00t w00t!!

hmmm.... algebra was borin as usual.. had to struggle to stay awake.. then uhh english. ughh~ i got in trouble again since i didnt do my hw for the 3rd tym. GRR~ hez gonna start lowerin mai average x.x

ah! 5th period.. i cut that class again haha -.-v meeh and annie hab been cuttin since friday... wh0a almost a whole week now.. now our fault we got a sub.. hmm.. sambo and annie put eye makeup on meeh hahahhaa ^^ and i asked lena for her lipgloss.. it looked so nice haha.. so i put it on ^^ and yanno what? a lot ob ppl noticed i had makeup on and some said that i looked prettier wit it.... aww so nice ^^

6th period, brian still wasnt there... but sunmi was there too [she was there 5th too since she had a sub for bio] since she didnt wanna go to algebra... oh my gosh! i just realized! she cut even tho her teacher saw her! shiet is she in trouble!! awww now i feel bad... X.X newayz.. we were just playin 13 all period and waitin for brian... eunju, sunmiz cousin, was wit us and talkin too.. and shaofan took a freakin bathroom break even tho he had a sub too... uhh.. harry got an early dismissal so he was with us at the end of the period... fun haha.. i kept losing >.<

finally period ended and brian still wasnt there... i was kinda sad... i went to wh and just did work.. bah~ pauline noticed my lip make up hahaha... interestin convo.. hmm.. and ppl were askin meeh who i was givin the heart box to *ahem chris*... so yeah.. thatz all..

ahh~ afterwards hmm... i went by the ksa room and anna said that there might be practice... then i went to my locker and got lab28 oot so i could do it at home... i was so sad/angry that i ripped the paper so bad X.X and when i was walkin to the ksa room, i was so sad since brian wasnt even anywhere near there...

and then i just dropped my stuff off and hung oot there for a liddo while, waitin for the otherz to show up... then annie comes in and says that chang is ootside.. im surprised and put on a fake face and became all hypa and shiet.. i ran oot witout a jacket and ran ootside into the freezin cold and saw lily and ran to them hehe.. i didnt kno who chang was but it was funni... when i finally found oot who he was, he kept hidin behind lily... and when i saw him i said [yoo chang?] and he went [yeah who yoo?] and i said [yo grandpa!] hahaha~ he laffed and mumbled sumthin.. and then the guy near him was like [grandpa? when did yoo change sex?] and stuff like that.. it was funni hahaha ^^

lily was talkin on the phone and she said that the person on the phone was lookin for annie so i offered to go get her and i bumped into her and stacy while i was runnin up hehe.. i told annie that somebody was lookin for her on the phone and that it wasnt chang and she was like okay.. ahha~ chang gab her a rose while i ran oot... and while i was walkin into the buildin lookin for brian.. i FOUND HIM! hahaha~ he was walkin into dougz crowd! ahhh!! he saw me and smiled and walked towards me [and just totally dissed doug keke ^^]~ aww~~ and when we met, his hands were around a yellow rose and he gab it to me [or i put my hands around his and took the rose ^^] sayin [hey] or [happie valentinez day] or sumthin...

aww! and then i told him that i had his present inside.. and i got home to come inside keke to the ksa room wit meeh... but he also brought someone else so that kinda sucked... but i stayed by his side keke ^^ so that was nice

hmm.. ppl kept separatin us man... grr >.< haha... and when we approached the room, jacky, sunmi and wendy were there talkin to dara i think and brian was like [here are the freshiez~]... hehehe~ he started talkin wit them a liddo while and those 3 were all giddy and going [aww]... he was playin wit the phone and he was tryin to call the room next door haha.. he tried addin a 1 in front.. but then i told him to put a 0 at the end and he did and he got through hahaha... datz wat i get for payin attention to spanish class that day haha... after someone picked up from the other line, he slammed the phone down and closed the boxy thing it was in and ran into the room haha... i then left them and went to go get the present and brian followed ME ahhh~~ AWWW!!! i gab him the present and he didnt look at it, but at meeh and gab meeh a hug sayin [thank kyu]... AWWW~~~ wahh~ hez so schweettt!!!! ahh!!

and then a liddo bit afterwards he hugged meeh again sayin [happie valentinez day] ah!! and then he started conversatin wit his friendz and sumbody, i dink sunmi, pulled meeh inside the ksa room [since me and brian hugged at the doorway] and was [aww]-ing meeh~ aaahh!!! awwwww!!!! O.O =D hahaha~

after a few sessions of awwing, i heard brian say that he was gonna leab soon.. aww~ so i walked up to him in the hallz [since datz where he was] and asked if he was leabin now and he said [yeah] and i got another hug! ^^ yayy!!!! he then told me that he was gonna be at lasalle keke~ i wanted to go there but arghh~ i couldnt >.< i was goin home wit a group so i couldnt bring the group up to lasalle.. plus, i didnt kno if he was there or not

then we went to practice and stuff.. hehe~ yanno what? i never did let go of the rose he gave meeh... i kept holdin it kekeke.. at least, im pretty sure i never did hehe ^^ and i think i kno why he gab me a yellow rose.. cuz mai font colour is yellow since he talkz to meeh on videlkm.. awwwww~ aint he so thoughtful?? <3 <3 <3 he dinkz its mai fave colour haha.. it doesnt matter.. i love it just as much since its from him and he picked oot a yellow one.. doesnt matter cuz i dun hab a favorite color ^^ oh wellz.. that ends my LONGGGGG storiee.. my first extremely happy entry ^^ ah~ enuff angst and here goes some fluff! kayz, gonna go BAIZ~~ ^^
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Friday, February 15, 2002 at 01:53 a.m.

[[ficz]]
hmm.. i havent blogged in a while and a lot has happened... i kno i shouldve but then i havent been reallie online.. or mebbe i have, and its just im too lazy too or somethin..

ill start off about brian.. *sigh* so far hez been comin bak to central every friday since he left like 2 weeks ago... hmm... and hez been rarely talkin to meeh... or maybe thatz mai fault. since i have a tendency to stay away from him.. wah im not sure what i want to say... hmm... last friday he was, of course, there... hmm.. it was the last day of the second markin period, so i cut 5th period and hung oot in the lunchroom..

finishing laterrr
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Saturday, February 2, 2002 at 09:21 a.m.

[[chinktown]]
ionoz.... i feel so off... ive been thinkin about brian again... ive been thinkin about him so much... on saturday, my mind was totally focused on him even when i was hangin oot with charly and friends... the ppl that was there were charly, nghia, julio, aaron, jenn li, jacky, heeae [charlyz ex.. strange since they were born on the exact same day and they act alike], and amy... ionoz.. when i met up with them at adams bowlin thing, they were alreadi fightin wit snowballs [since it was snowin that day].. i didnt join in. im not like that, yanno? kind of an outcast.. so i watched them have fun

charlyz dad arrived awhile later with a van and we went to the neshaminy...all eight of us.... umm... we got to the neshaminy and another snowball fight aroused... i didnt get involved again but it was just a small one... then we all went outside the movie theaters and just loitered for the longest time.. i talked to charly and asked wat he wanted and if he wanted candie, he said yeah, so we went to mr. bulkyz

he walked around the shop for awhile bfore he decided he wanted sum jelly belly jellybeans... reminded me of xuan X.X umm.. then nghia reminded meeh that i missed his bday so i wanted to get him sumthin but he wouldnt tell meeh wat he wanted.. so after a while, he gab me a lollipop and a airhead, sayin thatz wat he wanted.. so i just bought it, knowin that the lollipop was actually for julio or aaron, cant remember who.. i was also gonna get 2 big lollipops for jen and jacky but they said they didnt want it [was gonna buy it since they mai daughterz]..

ummm.. after that we headed oot to the movie theaters again talkin and stuff... i chilled with both the guys and the girls... dunno.. im kinda both..? O.o we stopped in front of auntie annez and i bought a pretzel for mai daughterz since i wanted to buy them sumthin and i bought one for myself andddddd~ a lemonade for jacky [she paid for that].. uhh... heeae and amy also bought sumthin and i tried to share mai food wit everybody.. they didnt like mai pretzel. thought it was too sour for them haha.. except nghia.. he liked mai sour cream and onion pretzel ^^ they kept sayin that cinnamin sugar was better so i bought that [with a dollar from aaron too].. everybody ate it and said it was good except for amy i think haha ^^v

after that we went and watched a movie.. we saw kate & leopold.. it was actually a good movie, despite the fact it was a chick flick... umm... what else? after that, we went ootside and had another snowball fight... i actually joined in... and i had fun.. julio was playin with me the most.. he kept throwin snowballs at me... ouchies, it hurt... i pretended i was shot too haha o.O

after security had a report about a snowball fight, we stopped and left nghia since he was gonna get a ride... we all went to the bus stop but the guys were way ahead of us.. we thought they went another way, so we went there and didnt find them, then jen led us to the bus stop and its all good... hmmm.. charly opened his presents on the bus and we found that he got 2 mashimaro photo frames and a wooden mickey mouse + a vcd wit korean music videos

umm... jen, heeae and jacky were gonna get a ride from heeaez mom at the mcdonalds on cottman and i was gonna take the 70, 18 home... so us four got off at cottman while the others..? ionoz.. charly, julio and aaron were goin to charlyz house and he gets off at castor.. but ionoz bout amy.. oh yeah... heeae was havin a party on monday, but i couldnt go since, yeah, ice skatin man... umm... so heeae, jacky, and jen went to mcdonalds while i waited for the 70 bus, which didnt come until an extremely long tym... and then i caught the 18 home.. i got home at 9 and mai parents were sooooooooooooo madd!!! my dad was like [youre not going out at all! unless you want to die] or somethin... and my mom didnt reallie say much since she doesnt usually yell when my dad does cuz mai dad reallie does

so i was sad when i got home... i dumped my stuff on my bed and went to the bathroom... i pretended i was usin it, but in reality, i was cryin... cryin for all the frustration brian was puttin meeh through mentally and for my parents yelling and for the feelin of loneliness like all the time.. i get so jealous when i see wendy and chris together, which is pretty often... i see them together so happy and i wonder [when will i get the chance to be like them, so carefree and happie]... i never had a boyfriend, so i dont kno how it feels like to be in a relationship... its so frustrating... but i dont want to tell them.. tell anybody how i feel.. if someone happens to find this page, then so be it... my secrets are revealed... its meant to be, isnt it? why else would i make this page?

*sigh* as for todai.. i actually did go out, despite my dadz yellin... i pretended i didnt hear him when i walked out of the house.. he told me to be home by 4... i got home at 6... when i got home, he was all like [what time is it now? what time did i tell you to come home?] and for once, my mom joined in, sayin somethin like [if we told you to come home at a certain time, we expect you to be home at that time] and then i think my dad said [why dont you just move into your friends house since you like going out so much].. wonderful parents i got.. and yeah, i dumped my stuff on my bed again and cried again

*sighhhhh~~~* ice skating... i left at 12.30 to sunmiz house since she told me to come earlier.. then we went to pick up wendy.. she actually walked past us, as did her dad... umm.. sunmi thought that the upenn rink was actually pennz landin.. kinda funni... but we got to the rink at 1 and waited a lil while bfore we decided [or they decided] to just go inside and practice skatin for awhile... so we bought our tickets and stuff and started skatin... sunmi and wendy were kinda shaky when they were skatin.. ionoz.. mebbe i was too... the ice was so much smoother at upenn... it was nice..

after a while of skatin and a liddo bit of eatin, it was nearin 2 and we saw youngwoo [much to wendy and sunmiz disappointment], giefan and jeannie... nobody else reallie came and the ppl went to clean the ice... we kept makin fun of the guy since he missed a spot.. and sunmi was so ignorant! she yelled at the guy! haha~

hmm... we kept goin on and off the ice since we were lookin for peepz.. then we found a whole crowd of ppl- annie li, thuy, stacy, stephanie, ralph, brian, jefferson, andrew, sung and some other peepz i didnt reallie kno [oh yeah, sung brought lacz gf... ionoz why i keep seein those two together].. well, we waited until they all finished puttin on the skates... brian took forever to put them on... he needed ralphz help haha~ [oh yeah, that asa girl was also there with her friends... not kei, but the other one]..

umm.. we finally got on the ice and had lots of fun.. andrew didnt kno how to skate at all and he kept fallin... annie tried makin like everybody into a pok gai.. she tried to make me fall sooooooo many times... brian tried too.. so did sunmi.. and chris and ralph.. and even stephanie!!! stephanie was all tellin meeh that she was gonna totally crash into me but she didnt feel like it X.X

oh yeah.. i skated with brian for a liddo while too.. i first asked him if he knew how to skate, and he said he hadnt skated in a long tym... then i asked him how he felt about me.. he looked at me and after a while, he said [as a friend].. i thought about it, kinda sad, and nodded my head.. then, as a seriously but kinda jokin way, i asked him if he knew what my name was... he laffed, looked at me, and said [what?].. and then i quickly and softly gave my explaination and skated away~

hmmm... im guessin ppl saw me and him skatin and they asked meeh what happened and stuff... so i told them that i asked what he felt for me and that he said he onlee liked me as a friend.. am i sadden? yes, extremely if you couldnt tell... after that, i just plain avoided speakin or gettin near him and just ignored him when i knew he was bhind me [datz when he tried to make me a pok gai]... i didnt mean to, but i did to.. kinda confoozin.. aish...

well, sung and this girl, i think it was jeannie, they literately crashed right into the rink border... it was soooo loud and sooooo funny... had us crackin up for a while..

oh yeah... stephanie was tellin meeh to turn ralph into a pok gai and i kept tryin but that boi is so freakin hugeee~ me and annie tried it too.. still didnt work haha... we also tried doin it to chris since he tried to turn meeh into a pok gai [oh yeah.. haha~ jefferson was askin meeh wat a pok gai was since he heard annie say sumthin like {andrew lee turned into a pok gai haha} so i told him it meant like fawked up.. when kinda does.. but like somethin to do with the ground? ionoz.. confoozin].... umm... yeah.. then we tried to get sunmi to help push chris down but we couldnt

oh yeah!!!! when me and annie tried turnin ralph into a pok gai, after that, he push one of my legs, causin meeh to ALMOST fall.. i almost hahaha... sooooo close man.. i got balance man~~

umm... ionoz.. we were just playin around after that... and then uhh.. the ice skatin thing ended an hour earlier than we thought [ralph and brian were blamin sung.. since sung was the one who called and asked... umm.. they were sayin that mebbe their watches were wrong and stuff haha]... but that hour went by so fast... annie was like [letz go chinatown and eat!] and thuy, sunmi, wendy and stacy were like [okay sure]... they decided on xe lua... everybody were just gonna go home... =[ so we all hung around for a while at the rink

when we all actually made a move on it, we stopped right outside the rink... stephaniez liddo bro and his friend started throwin snowballs at ralph [hahaha~] and annie joined in on the snowball fight and threw it at me.. thuy also joined in... and then i started throwin snowballz at them... and threw it at practically everybody i kno.. ive got pretty good aim... every snowball i threw, it hit somebody.. well, mostly every... after a while of playin around, we all ran and left since brian, chris and ralph were still throwin snowballs at us [i kept hittin them haha]..

we got to a bridge that was kinda over them but still far apart and we started throwin snowballz at chris and brian.. they were actually close in hittin us, and we werent really close... i guess they were leaving and i threw another snowball and chris walked right under it.. it hit him in the head hahahaa~ he slowly turned around and ask who did it.. i was proud to say i did.. haha~ after a while we all left [stacy was kinda biatchin since sung left.. sung was gonna give her a ride]... we were kinda lost since we didnt kno were the train station was, so we wound up callin a cab [215-333-3333 hahaha] since it was cheaper than wastin a total of 12$ on septa.. cab was onlee 6$ without the tip..

so we got a ride to chinatown and ate there.. stacy left early since she had already called her dad to pick her up.. and then we finished and left, payin the bill of course.. umm.. then we walked to the sanrio shop but it was already like 5.30ish and i told them i reallie had to go and asked wendy and sunmi whether or not they were gonna go with me.. then i just left those two and went home alone... when i got home, well, that just leads to the 2nd paragraph..

umm.. therez a teensy bit more after that... since it was late, and the broad street ridge closes around 5.30ish, i was afraid that wendy and sunmi didnt kno how to get home. so i called wendyz cell [since i didnt kno sunmiz] and asked them if they knew how to get bak.. they were a liddo lost, but they found their way [im glad for that].. and thats all... ive explained practically everythin... but one more

the one thing thats been on my mind for so long.. for a week now...brian.. ionoz how i feel for him.. i mean, i kno that i reallie do like him... more than anyone.. except maybe my first crush, who i liked for like 5 years [AHEM].. but ionoz.... hez been on my mind for so long and i just cant get him oot... and its not like i reallie despise him for makin me feel this way, but...i dont know.... i seriously dont know.. he makes me feel so sad... i think i probably feel worse when hes not around than when he is.. i reallie feel confoozed and i dont know what to do.. i reallie like him and i kno he doesnt feel the same... yet, he kept starin at me todai.. mebbe he was wonderin why i liked him... mebbe he was considerin goin oot wit me... maybe he was ..ionoz thinkin that mebbe he does realli like me? i dont know... just makes me so confused...
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Tuesday, January 22, 2002 at 12:12 a.m.

[[blah]]
ah well, at lot has happened.. umm... letz kinda finish off what happened friday... well, i was carryin jackyz gap bag which contained her wh textbook [O.O] and her pantz i dink haha... umm.. i still held it when i went to mcdonalds for 2 reasons... 1. it was habit and 2. to ensure that they wouldnt ditch meeh... but do yoo kno what happened? they ditched meeh =( i wound up gettin home alone at like 7ish.. i got in troubleeeee~~

and then yesterday.. i went to charlyz bday thing... umm... i left like around 12.30-1.00ish and it took forever for the 26 frankford terminal bus to come..

for some reason.. i dun feel like bloggin nemore.. do it later
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Sunday, January 20, 2002 at 08:48 a.m.

[[hotmail]]
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! brian was at central todai... too bad he didnt come earlier tho.. cuz i was actually at skool early.. well, i didnt see him until the beginnin ob 4th period when i was at jennz locker and him and doug were walkin up to dougz bio class.. all i said to him was [oh mai gosh.. yoo are bak] and he just nodded and i went to mai english class.. then in 5th period, i bumped into doug on our way to gym [we hab the same gym class on wednesdays and fridays]... he was like [where are yoo goin?] and i told him i was goin to gym and stuff... and we started talkin bout classes i guess~ O.o and uhh.. he asked me when i had gym and i told him mondays, wednesdays and fridays and i asked him, and he told me tuesdays, wednesdays and fridays hehe ^^

okay okay... uhh... oh yeah i forgot to say that sunmi was the one to tell me that brian was bak.. it was durin advisory, like 10 minutes into the period and she comes into mai advisory [she just got to skool] and she was all tellin me that she saw him while she was goin through the lunch room.. she said that she was lookin at him like O.o, wonderin if that was realli him and he gab her the same look O.o hehe ^^v hez so adorable... i believed her, but i also kinda didnt... oh, and wendy was der too since her bio teach called her up and he shares the room wit mai advisor.. uhhh... and then wendy left and sunmi was tellin meeh how cute he looks now x.x and she knows i like him too

hmm... okay, lemme continue to where i left off... uhh... we got oota gym early, as usual, and i rushed to the 3rd floor... i saw brian hangin oot wit a buncha ppl and left wit dis gurl.. umm.. i just hung oot wit everybody else that i knew dat had 5th period lunch.. umm.. what else? well, the bell rang and i saw brian again and told him that i wanted to talk to him.. he was like okay and put him arm around me [^^].. i put mai arm around him and gab him a hug and tell left mai arm there and started conversatin wit him hehe ^^

well, i remember this convo kinda clearly so ill just go like that.. [] = me.. {} = brian
[did yoo kno that i like yoo?]
{yoo do?}
[yeah, didnt sunmi tell yoo?]
{oh i couldnt hear what she said}
[ohhh.. well, i do..]
{okay}
[{.....}]
[so, having fun at northeast?]
{yeah.. kinda}
[its not as fun as central right? ^^]
{of course~}
[hey do yoo know this guy named xuan?]
{who?}
[umm.. xuan.. or johnny]
{uhh... ionoz}
[hmm.. hez tall, skinny, spiked hair..uhh.. hez in ur gym class..?]
{does he have glasses?}
[yeah!! thatz him.. yoo kno him right?]
{yeah~}
[{...}]
[so where are yoo goin?]
{ionoz.. where are yoo goin?}
[im walkin them to class]
{oh.. okay.. i think im gonna go bak to the lunchroom, okay?}
[okay then ^^ byezz~~]
{bye *hug*}

okay, mai memory is kinda bad.. the conversation was more or less like that.. like in the convo, im readin this bak and it sounds like brianz bein mean and all.... but realli, he isnt... i just typed it oot wrong... so, realli, im not sure how he phrased it and all.. ionoz.. hez soooo adorable and cute and AHHH! damn~~

ohhkayyy.... umm... last tym i saw him was afterskool.. i was actin all hype again and bouncin around, askin ppl if they were goin to lotte... cuz i wanted to take stickie pix wit brian ^^ hehee... plus we were celebratin christiana and paulinez bday... umm.. yeah.. most ob the koreanz said nyoe.. i hab no clue where they were goin. but sall good, i guess~ brian said nyoe... i was sad but i still acted hype and stuff.. uhh... after a while we headed oot to the terminal and caught the 18 with EVERYBODY... the bus was packeddd hahaha ^^... we all got oot and there was like 20 ppl total hehe ^^.. we didnt get to go inside lotte since they wouldnt let all ob us in, so most ob us wound up catchin the 47 down to chinatown to eat... we went to xue lua[?]... umm.. we all ate and stacy, jacky, harry and chu surprised christiana and pauline with a huge cake [which i cut ^^] and we had kind ob a food fight hahaa.. anniez face was totally white with the cream HAHAHAHA~

oh yeah.. on the way to the 47 bus stop, me and wendy were talkin bout sunmi and brian... wendy was tellin meeh how she wanted to set everybody up with a valentine.. and she asked sunmi who she wanted and she didnt kno... and then the next day, shez like [oh i want brian.. i want brian].. and wendy was also sayin bfore how like sunmi alwayz assumes that everybody likez her and stuff... umm... afterwards, wendy was thinkin mentally about wat sunmi said bout her wantin brian... she was thinkin about meeh.. awww ^^ since she knoz how much i like brian

umm... who else knows? uuhhh.. sunmi, wendy, brian, thuy, stacy, jacky and christiana... but i havent finished tellin christiana... we were on our way to mcdonalds [this was after we got oota xue lua, off the 47, oota christianaz house, oota gameworkz and oota the movie theaterz].. me and christiana were all alone and we started talkin [i obviously started talkin bout brian]... oh, we were just goin to mcdonalds for sum iverson bobbin head thingy, so we planned to be bak quickly... uhh... i told her almost every extriuating detail [more than what i told wendy {i onlee told jacky and stacy that i liked him}].. but then jimmy interrupted us... so i told her i was gonna tell her later

okay, letz talk about christiana.. i think thisll be mai last subject... mebbe... uhh.. letz see.. we went to christianaz house.. her house was sooooooo nice!!! light colourz... BIGGGGGG screen tv... uhh... we saw two animalz.. one was her cat and the other was a cross between a rat and a rabbit... uhh.. we went up to christianaz room, passin like 3 bedroomz and a computer room... christianaz room was the whole 3rd floor O.O.. she had a balcony [but was locked] and then a small room that was connected to her own bathroom, then connected to her main bedroom... we all jumped on her bed and started playin around while she was pickin up her clothez hahaha.. and then we started playin around wit her make-up [she let us] haha... she wanted to put make-up on meeh, but she didnt get a chance to cuz jimmy kept callin jacky to hurry and get to gameworkz... uhhh... so afterwards we said that if we hab a prom, were gettin ready at her house, and after we found stacyz hat, we went oot ob the house and headed to gameworks... okay, datz all now haha... ill say more laterz~
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Saturday, January 19, 2002 at 07:02 a.m.

[[hotmail]]
ionoz.. im gonna try to blog as fast as i can since i wanna do mai hair... well, letz start where i left off... yeah, in every situation i had a verge to cry, which doesnt necessiarly means that i cried on every single ocassion.. tears comes to my eyes.. most likely faintly, cuz i still had to look at ppl no matta wat, whether i was talkin to them or not... they realli didnt look sad when they looked at me so i guess they couldnt see the tears forming

but then tuesday, i actually did cry when i got home... mai gosh, i was so fake tuesday.. i acted extremely hyper, as if brian was NOTHING to me... it makes me feel extremely horrible that i had portrayed that appearance..

but wednesday... mai gosh wednesday... doug.. he wrote a loose-fitted gray sweater and sum baggy black jeanz.. same as what brian would wear... in fact, that WAS wat brian wore on monday... only brianz gray sweater was of a lighter contrast than dougs... but it was so scary... when i was lookin at doug, i was actually seeing brian... i cant believe how much i actually like brian... even sunmi and wendy agreed with me that doug wore what brian wouldve

and thursday... well, we were supposed to go to lotte... but i couldnt go since i had asa practice.. and i missed oot on dougz potential gf.. ionoz... everybody was coupled up supposedly.. ralph & stephanie, chris & wendy, jefferson & anna, doug & that girl..and sunmi hahaha... but the thing is, onlee 2 ob them are realli couples - ralph & stephanie + chris & wendy... but ionoz....

today... today brian is gonna come bak to central... and im guessin that xuan and bi and sum otha ppl might come since xuan became friendz wit brian.. uhh.. xuan and brian are in the same temporary gym class.. and they hung oot tuesday [the day they met] and exchanged screen names [HAHAHA]... i think probably the onlee reason why theyre friendz is cuz i told xuan tuesday mornin that there was gonna be a new stoodent in his class... sure, he asked how i knew and i didnt realli gib a straight answer but sall good... *sigh*

one more thing... i guess i didnt realize how much i like brian until now... i mean, i was even thinkin ob a pick-up line i heard that is kinda troo for me [are your legs tired, cuz youve been runnin through mai mind all day].. well, just change the [all day] to [all week].. and plus, one more thing.. *sigh*... mai heartz been broken 3 times this year... although distantly, it still hurts.. first was doug.. i liked him, and when i heard sunmi said she loved him, mai heart shattered, knowin he was even more off-limits than before...though i didnt hab an urge to cry, nor did i realli want to..

second tym was chiho.. yeah him.. there was two times to this... 1. when i found oot he had a gurl from annie.. that hurt, as much as i said it didnt.. and 2. when he called me a stalker [or charly] and that he was afraid [from charlyz mouth].. ionoz... it hurt... but not enuff to near tears

third is brian... when i first found oot that he was leavin, i was angry at myself? maybe... and then after awhile i was extremely sad.. and ...ionoz... i acted again.. acted as if i was okay... but then i started to think about it... and thatz when i started gettin in other situations that ended me up in near-tears... its still like that.. i want to see him today but 1. im afraid whatll happen and 2. i have pauline and christianaz bday celebration to go to... im thinkin ill just meet up wit dem in chinktown while they eatin or sumthin.. *sighz* byez
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Friday, January 18, 2002 at 05:42 a.m.

[[bah]]
im so sad... brian left central yesterday.. well, he left monday... and i didnt realize how much i liked him until a while ago when i cried... monday was okay and everything.. but then after school, on monday, i knew somethin was wrong since brian had his glasses off and his eyes and nose were red.. ppl said that ralph was like that too, but i didnt notice... i knew somethin was wrong and i asked brian but he said [dun worri bout it] and stuff... ionoz.. most ob the ppl were all in a solemn mood.. so what i did was act all hypa and started bouncin off the wall wit mai high boots too...

ionoz... it SEEMS to cheer up a liddo... or think i was cwaji... either way... we were walkin up to the terminal [which isnt far from the skool which was where we were at] and i was talkin wit sunmi and brian... we were talkin about me knowing korean and somehow it led to me teachin kids... then brian tellin me to punish kids by makin them stick oot their hands and whippin the hands wit a ruler 5 tymz.. and everytime they move their hands, yoo hit them 2 more tymz... and if they totally remove their hands [like hide behind yo back] then yoo start all oba again.. haha brian is so funnay... me and sunmi asked if he would do it to the kid and he was like [hell nyoe] hahaha...

brian also told me that one time he liddo cousin poked him in the eye wit a screwdriver i think.. his liddo cousin was like [brian, yoo wanna see something cool?] and brian went [no, not realli] and then his liddo cousin ran up to him and poked him in the eye wit the screwdriver... hahahahaha~ its so funny, yet so sad hahaha~~

after brian told the storiee and i was laffin like cwaji while feelin sorrie for him, sunmi just yelled outta nowhere and i asked her watz wrong... and yoo kno wat she said? she whispered in mai ear [yoo like him!]... i was like, [DERHHHH~~~] since i told her so many tymz already.. i think brian was lookin at us strangely and then ran off to the other peepz.. sunmi also said that she had somethin to tell me later... and then later, she told me that brian was leavin central.... O.O

i mean, it realli explained why he was so sad, yanno? even tho he just a sophmore, he still spent a lot of tym in central and made a lot of friends... gosh man... thats why everybody was so sad... and thats why even RALPH cried O.O sunmi thought it mightve hurt me the most since she was the onlee one that knew i like him... thatz why sunmi told me.. she wanted me to kno so then i wont be like [wherez brian? how come he hasnt been in skool lately?] and stuff.. she so nice.. *sniff*

well, we reached our stop.. sunmi, wendy and i were gonna catch the bus while everybody else [which is a lot of ppl, so thatz why i didnt say their names first] were gonna catch the subway... brian was kinda close to me [not as close as sunmi] and i mouthed to him if he was gonna leave central... i think he understood me and said yeah... sunmi started to talk to me, askin him if i was gonna tell him that i like him.. and i nodded... then she went and asked him for a hug and she said somethin to him... ionoz what she said but i think it had to do somethin wit meeh likin him..

then when the two groupz were gonna separate, i asked him for a hug and i got one [YAY!!]... i whispered in his ear [did yoo kno dat i like yoo?]... but at the same tym, he nodded and said [yoore not gonna see me tomorrow, but ill probably be here friday].. so i wasnt sure if he heard me or not... but then again, i saw him nod.... it reallie confoozed meeh..

i got on the bus a liddo bit later than the rest of them since i had to get mai token... and when i got on, sunmi asked me if i told brian, and i said yeah.. wendy was like [tell him what?] while sunmi was like [what he said? what happen?].. well, i answered both of their questions and they went like [oooooh] or whatevers and started talkin bout brian and me...kinda... wendy said that she really didnt know brian so she didnt care too much [onlee cared mostly cuz her bf is like tight wit brian] and asked me how much did i like brian.. sunmi told me he was gonna go to northeast [or i think it was sunmi] and that she realli wanted to call brian to tell him that i like him and stuff.. also she told me his korean name [eu ddeum]...

well, uhh.. us three went to lotte shop... and we got hit by anna [264] on the way since she saw us... and ionoz, we were shoppin for wendy and chrisz [wendyz bf] week anniversary... wendy wound up gettin candi and a small RooRoo [blue] pillow for him after gettin biatched by her sis.. umm... after that, anna left us and went back into the shop and we went to burger king to wallow haha.. well, they wanted me to wallow and wendy wanted to wallow for no reason? well, on the way, man, there were a LOT of fone calls... half of them i dun even kno wit who.. all i kno was that most of the tym, it was brian, chris, doug and jefferson on the other line... they were all together i believe... and one tym, wendy called her sister [or got called] and said that we had to go to a different store to find watever we wanted or need [basically lied]..

umm.. well.. at one point, sunmi was on the fone wit brian and she was sayin in korean [{mai ruff translation} you know that girl that you were talking to? she likes you... the one you were talkin about hittin the students?]... and all she told me about his reply was [ooooohh].. so i dun realli kno wat happen and was kinda sad about it... at another time when we were inside wendys [btw, both mai sisters were there], sunmi was talkin to brian again while wendy was talkin to chris... wendy was so happie.. ionoz... im jealous of her relationship wit chris... shez so happie wit him and all... ionoz... then she accidently hung up on him and she was mad at herself haha [she thought he hung on first]... then wendy went off to order sumthin [buggin me to eat sumthin since she knew i was sad]... and then brian hung up on sunmi sayin that she was [wasting my minutes] haha.. sunmi got so pissed and said that he was so mean haha.. brianz so cute ^^v

after they ordered and wendy made me eat, mai sisterz were still there and i felt reallie uncomfortable about talkin so we moved to a different table way in the dark and back where mai sisterz cant realli hear or see us... and i start to talk a liddo more freely and comfortablely [then again, sunmi and wendy dun reallie listen]... well, i think we began off without talkin about brian or his situation but we went moreover with the past, leavin wendy out for once.. she was acting like i usually am, quietly eating and listening... but then we changed the conversation and started talkin bout other stuff which i cant remember too well...

well, uhh... ionoz.. after we all finished our liddo nugget spree [those two ordered nuggets and wendy made me eat 5], wendy still had one more nugget.. and wendy wanted ME to eat it since she ate 9 and sunmi ate 8... i said i didnt want it and sunmi suggested we play rock, paper, scissor [well, she suggested in it korean.. kai bai pook? O.o] and i kept winnin, makin wendy eat it... still, she refused to eat it and just left with sunmi to buy us all a shake to continue wallowing

since they couldnt get shakes, they got some herseys sundaes?.. i dun remember watz it called.. but it was REALLY chocolatey, and i dun like chocolate... but i ate it newayz since wendy was gonna get mad if i didnt.. and yoo kno wat? i was on the verge on cryin in like every situation... i liked brian THAT much.. oy.. ill finish bloggin later... byes
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, January 16, 2002 at 02:18 a.m.

[[nothing]]
i hate this.. i was readin through mai older entries.. how fake am i? i sounded all cheery... i guess, now, im still depressed and before i wasnt... after all this tym.. yeah, im depressed... about a lot of things

hmm.. where to start? well, herez sumthin i just found oot about maiself... everytym i say [im sorrie] really meaningfully, i want to cry... i realized it a liddo while ago... i guess mai old soul is still der, wantin to cry, but mai new soul prevents it from doin so.. derz been so many tymz that ive said im sorrie, and i realized that i wanted to cry after each tym i said it

also.. i feel left oot... even wit all the people i hang oot wit... i feel left oot wit each one of them... they alwayz hab sumone bfore me that comes first.. and it just makes me sad since im practically all alone.. i dunno how to change it.. because no matter wat, im left oot..alone.. with nobody to trust or depend on... this lyfe sucks and so does this world.. it might seem pretty selfish, what im sayin.. because look what i have! family, friends, education, some money... but then... where are my TRUE friends? wheres the caring family? i search and search, and i cant find it.. i want and need a friend i can truely depend on... if not a friend, then somebody thatll love or like me for who i really am.. not my fake happy self... i sound like someone from a tv show or sumthin -_-

well, like i said bfore, somebody has someone, while i have no one... wendy.. she has three people... chris [bf], sunmi and annie li.. chris has wendy, brian, doug, ralph and a buncha other korean peepz.. sunmi has wendy, annie... annie has wendy and sunmi... jacky, stacy, jen, brija and all the others have each other... even thuy has my wife christiana.. where do i fit in? no matter how charmin i act, i dont fit in... im accepted but not accepted... its confusing, but it makes sense to me at least... i want that dream again.. the one in my later entries.. about me runnin away... at least, in that house, i was accepted.. even if it was a dream...
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Sunday, January 13, 2002 at 07:44 a.m.

[[bah hotmail]]
i feel terrible...extremely terrible... why? many MANY reasons.. i knew i shouldve blogged earlier.. aish well, this one is the most recent and most disturbin.. and now, probably my most inner secret [okay, maybe not so inner secret].. well, i had this dream.. aish, even im afraid to TYPE it... okay, maybe i wont say...? but this dream.. it involved me..being in a secret relationship with somebody.. and it doesnt seem so bad... but if you knew who that somebody was, its REALLY bad..since.. oh i wont say it.. its not that the somebody is like a bad person or whatever.. its...just something bad

i told sunmi my dream today... im still not sure if its alright to tell her.. because she was all shocked.. she said she wont tell anybody.. but i have doubts... reason why coming up.. i didnt really want to tell sunmi.. but i needed to tell somebody, you know? with all the stuff i keep bottled up, sometimes it feels like youll explode if you dont let SOMETHING out.. and this..situation wants to BURST... oyyyy

okay.. reason why i trust nobody now.. or at least, the main reason.. its because of chiho, remember him? [in the conversation below].. well, i sent him sort of a christmas present like the 18-19 of december...i dink.. and like he was scared [not sure if i wrote this or not]... he told charly and he wanted to kno who sent it and all... i happened to walk by them and charly called upon me and asked if they kno who this gurl is.. i naturally said [no] and listened to their convo.. after a liddo while, i left, sayin ill be late for class [which i was..almost]... i started thinkin about wat they said [they used the word {stalker} and {scared}].. fell asleep durin class after i came up with a decision.. which i thought was kinda stoopid after i went through with it..

wat i did was tell charly that i knew who it was.. wasnt that stoopid? well, i did it so that hell stop askin ppl and just keep askin me since i kno i wont tell... but then.. there are other ppl that kno i sent it... ppl being thuy and christiana.. i also told some ppl that i thought should kno [plus, my shoulders were weighing me down at the tym when i told charly that].. those ppl were jennifer li, sunmi and maybe more..? well, after skool, charly was still buggin me since he knew that the Choreans [dance group, so to speak.. made up of Chinese and Koreans -or both] were meetin up to practice.. sunmi and me were the first couple ppl there and charly was still buggin me.. sunmi heard and was like [you dont know who she is? shes RIGHT in front of you? are you blind?].. that why i dont trust HER anymore... she just told him! and i told her not to tell and she did!

but luckily, charlys so dense, he had no clue what she meant by that... but instead, he asked if she knew, and she denied it with a smile... aishhhhhh... though, whats even worse, is thuy.. oy vey... charly left after awhile since he knew i wasnt gonna tell him... maybe he got the point that other ppl knew who it was...

that night [dayam this blog is gettin long] charly, chiho and thuy were all in this liddo chatroom talkin and all.. thuy told me that chiho and thuy were makin fun of charly..? it doesnt seem right, but thats what she said... charly asked her if she knew and she said yes... then he asked her whats the girls name and all.. she told him that she wasnt supposed to tell... he asked her for the first letter of the first name, AND THUY TOLD!! i mean, how many names begin with the letter W???? i got SOOOOO pissed when i heard that.. my gosh... im STILL angry at thuy! she lost my trust completely... i dont think shell ever gain it back... she was all like [charlys your brother, he should know] and shiet.. gosh man.. she probably just told him since she was so infatuated with him

so, charly knew and i had to explain it to him the next morning.. chiho knew, but didnt kno who i was... so it didnt matter too much, i guess..? i mean, charly didnt freak out or anything.. he was just cheesing while i was explaining...

okay, ive got plenty more to say.. but i dun feel like it anymore.. so ill blog again later or somethin
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Saturday, January 5, 2002 at 03:34 a.m.

[[solid07]]
oh gosh.. i'm still upset about chiho... been mopin inwardly.. nobody notices.. they think i'm okay.. in fact, i acted so hyper today that charly said that he wants me to be his sis... well, now we twins now hah hah -_-;; we're thinkin up a korean name for me... since charly's name is sungmin, we're tryin to dink up a name wit either sung or min in it.. ionoz...
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Friday, December 14, 2001 at 03:12 a.m.

[[station x forums]]
i'm still awake... been awake for 2 hours now.. doin my homework... want to... i should get offline... but hey, i love the internet... what a bum i am... i talked to chiho the other day.. chiho's this guy i realli like... and i was all happi/embarrassed when i talked to him... well, it was on the internet so that was low... i used a different sn for him... if yoo wanna read it, scroll down... cuz imma biatch

i went shoppin yesterday (12*11*01) at the gallery and bought christmas presents... spent 20$ on wendy WOW... i know... i bought her a BIGGGGG teddy bear since she wanted it... i had 60$ in the beginnin... now i'm down to a dollor i believe.. i onlee bought presents for wendy, christiana, alex, chris, charly, chiho and youngwoo.. i dink i might change charly's gift and gib it to thuy or annie... i'm not sure... i really wanna get them a gift... and wendy, she bought gifts for stacy & jen li and she was so nice to me.. she said that she could say that we both bought the gift for her.. and that i could pay her after i get my moolah (saturday: 40-50$) from mai parentz... and she also said i could get a job from her mom... so nice...

but then.. the reason i'm sad... ish cuz... chiho got a gurl already... i mean, i kinda knew that... but i wasn't really sure... so it didn't hit me that hard... but then when i got home at 7, mai mom started to biatch... and i started to cry >.< well, not in front of my mom... she hasn't seen me cry in like 5 years.. i was cryin in da bathroom while she was yellin.... onlee place where i can hab privacy... i could still hear her so it made me cry.... plus, i was dinkin bout chiho... >.< ppl make me so sad...

SwtGrl4u012: hi...
cHiLLi529: hey
cHiLLi529: whos dis?
SwtGrl4u012: umm... just someone.....
SwtGrl4u012: i like you...
cHiLLi529: umm
cHiLLi529: ok
cHiLLi529: whos dis?
SwtGrl4u012: just this girl that likes you
cHiLLi529: hmm
cHiLLi529: k
SwtGrl4u012: i would tell you who i am.. but i'd be too embarrassed
cHiLLi529: u a krn rai?
cHiLLi529: u charly?
SwtGrl4u012: i'm not charly
cHiLLi529: no
SwtGrl4u012: but i'm a liddo korean
cHiLLi529: he slept already
cHiLLi529: um...
cHiLLi529: jefferson?
cHiLLi529: gloria?
SwtGrl4u012: i'm not a guy
cHiLLi529: geena??
SwtGrl4u012: i'm not them
cHiLLi529: crystal??
cHiLLi529: dayi?
cHiLLi529: aeri?
SwtGrl4u012: you don't really know me...
cHiLLi529: o
cHiLLi529: who m i?
cHiLLi529: dink u got da wrong person
SwtGrl4u012: you're chiho lee
cHiLLi529: umm
cHiLLi529: ok...
cHiLLi529: n ur?
SwtGrl4u012: i'm... just someone you've seen around central
SwtGrl4u012: even if i said my name, you wouldn't know of me
cHiLLi529: andrew
SwtGrl4u012: i'm not a guy
cHiLLi529: oo
cHiLLi529: den juz said it
cHiLLi529: i dunno anyways
SwtGrl4u012: some of your friends know me.. and i'm afraid that they'll start making fun of me or something >.<
cHiLLi529: oo....
cHiLLi529: i dun got no friend
SwtGrl4u012: charly knows me
SwtGrl4u012: he's you're friend, isn't he?
cHiLLi529: i dunno him
SwtGrl4u012: .....
SwtGrl4u012: then why would you mention his name?
cHiLLi529: umm
cHiLLi529: >_<
cHiLLi529: =X
SwtGrl4u012: hehe
cHiLLi529: busted~*
SwtGrl4u012: yup ^^
cHiLLi529: hmm....
cHiLLi529: iono
cHiLLi529: haf no idea
SwtGrl4u012: i know..... i'm not giving yoo much of an idea anyway
cHiLLi529: freshy?
SwtGrl4u012: yeah...
cHiLLi529: ok
cHiLLi529: ?_?
SwtGrl4u012: o.O
cHiLLi529: r u ming???????????/
SwtGrl4u012: ming? no
cHiLLi529: umm
cHiLLi529: okie
cHiLLi529: den no cluee
SwtGrl4u012: hm...
cHiLLi529: hmm.......
SwtGrl4u012: i'm just wonderin if i should tell yoo who i am....
cHiLLi529: >(///)< candy for u
cHiLLi529: hehe
SwtGrl4u012: hehehehe cute ^_^
cHiLLi529: iono
cHiLLi529: sumone juz gave dat to me
SwtGrl4u012: oh hehehe
cHiLLi529: yep
SwtGrl4u012: hmm.. my friend said i should tell you who i am.. since it seems like i'm stalkin yoo >.<
cHiLLi529: hehe
cHiLLi529: u stalker
SwtGrl4u012: i'm not a stalker! i just happen to know things ^_^
cHiLLi529: from who??
SwtGrl4u012: hmm... from nobody... i just know for some odd reason
cHiLLi529: okie....
cHiLLi529: but wut actually do u knoe
cHiLLi529: except for my name?
SwtGrl4u012: hm... you're in 262
cHiLLi529: uh huh
SwtGrl4u012: you're realli nice and funny...
SwtGrl4u012: cute... :-[
cHiLLi529: n how u knoe dat??
SwtGrl4u012: i'm talkin to you now, aren't i?
cHiLLi529: i m a big fat meanie
cHiLLi529: >=
cHiLLi529: o
SwtGrl4u012: you wish you were :-P
cHiLLi529: umm.....
SwtGrl4u012: at least, yoo seem really nice
cHiLLi529: o...
cHiLLi529: >:o
SwtGrl4u012: O.o
SwtGrl4u012: well, this is the only time i ever talked to you... you said you were a big fat meanie :-P
cHiLLi529: n i am
cHiLLi529: i m a bully
SwtGrl4u012: i thought so
cHiLLi529: i take freshmans lunch money
SwtGrl4u012: haha...
SwtGrl4u012: i'm sure you're one of the people that rolled freshies down the hill last year
cHiLLi529: whoa
cHiLLi529: dey did dat?????????
cHiLLi529: how come i didnt knoe????
SwtGrl4u012: you didn't know?
SwtGrl4u012: haha.... ionoz
cHiLLi529: no i didnt knoe
cHiLLi529: i dun dink we did dat
SwtGrl4u012: they rolled them down the south lawn and marked them
cHiLLi529: ooo......
cHiLLi529: dun recall
SwtGrl4u012: oh....okay
cHiLLi529: i remember we playing around wif baby powder
SwtGrl4u012: hehehe
cHiLLi529: stupid jefferson spray powderon my sweater
cHiLLi529: couldnt get it off
SwtGrl4u012: awww... poor yoo
cHiLLi529: =
cHiLLi529: o yea
cHiLLi529: how u got my sn?
SwtGrl4u012: hmm.... ksa website
cHiLLi529: ooo
cHiLLi529: wuts ksa website addy?
SwtGrl4u012: centralksa.tripod.com
cHiLLi529: dank you~
SwtGrl4u012: welcomes
cHiLLi529: wut lunch u got??
SwtGrl4u012: hehe... if i told you that, then you'd know who i was ;-)
cHiLLi529: no i wun
SwtGrl4u012: lemme check first
cHiLLi529: kk
cHiLLi529: i will ask charly tomorrow
cHiLLi529: =p
cHiLLi529: hehe
SwtGrl4u012: >.<
SwtGrl4u012: he wouldn't know :-P
cHiLLi529: i will ask andrew den
SwtGrl4u012: andrew dun even kno me
cHiLLi529: um...
cHiLLi529: man
SwtGrl4u012: hehehe
cHiLLi529: dats da only 2 freshman i knoe
SwtGrl4u012: i kno hehe
SwtGrl4u012: well, yoo kno annie duncha?
cHiLLi529: nop
SwtGrl4u012: oh... she knows yoo for some odd reason
cHiLLi529: who dat??
SwtGrl4u012: annie li.. she's realli hyper... umm... she's chinese but always says some weird things in korean
SwtGrl4u012: her new korean words are: hajima
cHiLLi529: ooo
cHiLLi529: yea i knoe he
cHiLLi529: her
SwtGrl4u012: hehe i thought so... she knoz who i am.. and knows that i like yoo
cHiLLi529: ooo
SwtGrl4u012: if yoo ask her.. she might tell yoo...ionoz
cHiLLi529: i dun talk to her doe
SwtGrl4u012: i realized
cHiLLi529: hehe
SwtGrl4u012: just go up to her and ask her if yoo that curious
cHiLLi529: i m not daty curious
SwtGrl4u012: okay then... but i wouldn't be surprised if annie told me yoo asked me :-)
SwtGrl4u012: her*
cHiLLi529: ok
cHiLLi529: heehe
SwtGrl4u012: okay, i'm going to sleep... goodnight chiho
cHiLLi529: nite nite
cHiLLi529: swtb dreamz
SwtGrl4u012: :-) yoo too
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, December 12, 2001 at 5:08 a.m.

[[station x website]]
me so sad..me so sad.. i'm also pretty suicidal again... like last time.. only i actually have a wanting to eat... i'm so sad.. xuan.. he broke off the fake engagement.. damn him... damn him for being so appealing to me >.< i think he blamed it on me... but then.. when i look at his profile, i see his real reason.. here's his profile:
2 MaH DeArEsT BaBi....YeH u KnO WhO u ArE....U GoTs MaH lAsT NaMe!
N e WaYz HeAz A LiL PoEm

YouR CuTe LoOkiN EyEz
I'll TrY My BeSt NoT 2 MaKe DeM CrY,
YoUr CuTe GiGgLeS
SomDinG i NeVuR WaNt 2 HeAr ShrIvEL
YoUr SwEeT PuRsOnALiTy
DEsE ThIngS Im So GLaD u Ken Sho Me
So HaPpy u SeD YeS
FrOm DiS DaY On I Am BLeSsEd
By DiS ViEtNaMeEzAnGeL
My HeArT Is Now fuLL
OnCe WaS EmDee
But NoW FiLLed WiTh Le...
NoV 27th 01..Da DaY i AsKed..
I LoVe YoOh
By the way...if ur not Le...den
<^>((><))<^>

now you see my reason..for being so sad.. there's also others.. but this is my main reason.. i really did like xuan... damn man.. >.<
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, November 28, 2001 at 11:05 p.m.

[[station x website]]
me so sad..me so sad.. i'm also pretty suicidal again... like last time.. only i actually have a wanting to eat... i'm so sad.. xuan.. he broke off the fake engagement.. damn him... damn him for being so appealing to me >.< i think he blamed it on me... but then.. when i look at his profile, i see his real reason.. here's his profile:
2 MaH DeArEsT BaBi....YeH u KnO WhO u ArE....U GoTs MaH lAsT NaMe!
N e WaYz HeAz A LiL PoEm

YouR CuTe LoOkiN EyEz
I'll TrY My BeSt NoT 2 MaKe DeM CrY,
YoUr CuTe GiGgLeS
SomDinG i NeVuR WaNt 2 HeAr ShrIvEL
YoUr SwEeT PuRsOnALiTy
DEsE ThIngS Im So GLaD u Ken Sho Me
So HaPpy u SeD YeS
FrOm DiS DaY On I Am BLeSsEd
By DiS ViEtNaMeEzAnGeL
My HeArT Is Now fuLL
OnCe WaS EmDee
But NoW FiLLed WiTh Le...
NoV 27th 01..Da DaY i AsKed..
I LoVe YoOh
By the way...if ur not Le...den
<^>((><))<^>

now you see my reason..for being so sad.. there's also others.. but this is my main reason.. i really did like xuan... damn man.. >.<
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, November 28, 2001 at 11:05 p.m.

[[hotmail]]
hate lyfe.... depressed again.... pretty suicidial actually.. tired.... partly blame youngwoo for makin me mad.. but...mostly my fault... that's all... if i die, yippie, if i don't, boo...
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, November 21, 2001 at 02:42 a.m.

[[family tree]]
oy... so many things have happened... on monday i was bored as heck so i invited bi to go to the movies with me... he said if there's other ppl goin.. so i invited some other peepz and he did too... chris was one of the ppl i invited.. he said he'll go.. harry said he wasn't gonna go.. annie too... chris said he'll go and went (he got there early).. bi didn't show up... his friends didn't show up.. i was late so i didn't see chris... i bought sc & bw since i was around that area where they happen to hab it... next day at skool, chris told the whole class that i invited him to the movies and didn't show up.. today, rebecca and sapphire were badgering me about me liking chris? i'm like "hell no!!" cuz i dun.. i'm not attracted to any guyz cuz of xuan... that boy!! aish..

i talked to xuan tuesday mornin while i was gettin ready for skool.. he paid attention to me so i started likin him again... aish... playin with my heart... reminds me of that dayam britney spears song >.< oh, and here's the order for my feelings for xuan.. the way i say his name represents how much i like him:
john --> johnny --> xuan --> xuanee
first is hate, last is obsession/like a lot

oh and on tuesday... on biology, my whacko teach, flaxman, blew a bubble with gas... and then put fire on the floatin bubble.. it was a niceee fire... reached the ceilin too.. but it didn't burn the ceiling so... but it was cool

ummm... today.... Doug & SunMi... both korean, both know each other, both i know... but Doug doesn't know me like THAT... we see each other in the halls... SunMi, i've known for a long time... Doug (btw, he's realli cute... got a baby face ^^) got a gf... umm... it's not SunMi, but SunMi really likes him (they known each other since SunMi used to go to his church)... SunMi told me today that she LOVED him. i thought i heard her wrong since she said that she really liked him a lot after i questioned her... newayz, Doug wouldn't talk to his gf today and his gf was realli sad and all... SunMi found out and told me since Doug was mopin through the halls (that's when she told me she loved him).. i wanted to go after him after class and tell him to cheer up and talk to his gf... but when i saw him, he was all happi and smiling so i thought everything was cool.. dunno what happened afterwards :D i gotta ask SunMi today/tomorrow

ummmm... last thing.. i saw xuanee online today.. and i started to chat wit him bout random stuff... his new job (doin bad haha), sellie (he asked her to be our daughter one day and she said yes) and somethin else... i guess.... i wanted to ask him to go to central homecomin with me... but he logged off.... i said his name twice, but i guess he didn't see it >.< so i'll hab to ask him through bi if i don't see him online.. okay that's it... long, neh? hahaha.. >.< such a fake
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Thursday, November 15, 2001 at 02:47 a.m.

[[family tree]]
i...... :( crying now.... :'( seriously... i feel really bad.... i was in an up mood since i died in starcraft against andy... because i want to die... but then, my stupid self gave part of sellie's number.... and she's mad... and ceecee might be in trouble.... and it's my fault.... my stupid self.... so stupid i'm fucking crying... >.< i hate crying... it shows weakness... damn fakes... all an act until now... i really do wanna die.... all i do is cause trouble and get hurt... there is no point in me living >.<
Videl is watching Gravitation on
Monday, November 12, 2001 at 11:31 p.m.

[[station X forums]]
visit the forums i go now... i'm a MOD hahahah~ ^^

*ahem* anyways... on with my rant... it's about xuan.... yeah.. my fiancee... i got a daughter now x.x correction: 2 daughters... aish... and we're not even married.. i asked xuan when were we gonna get married, he said he dunno and that i'm forcing marriage on him >.< he's forcing two kids on me! ....i wanna break off the engagement... or get a male mistress to make xuan jealous... not that he would be.. he's been focusing all his attention on yolie, our daughter... >.< or HIS daughter.. argh... i'm so mad at xuan now.. he loves his daughter more than he loves his fiancee >.< he won't even marry me :( isn't that great?

my self-esteem has sunk a new level... and it's been like that for a few days... i've lost all interest in everything now >.< it's because of kyle & jen unnie... kyle wanted to commit suicide again >.< and jen unnie wanted to doo it too since HER self-esteem had sunk because of what kyle said... but dayam... i hate feelin this low... i judge myself a lot like this.. make myself feel realli bad... well, i'm alwayz doin that but this makes it worse >.< it takez a lot to get it back up a notch since it keeps going down and down.. *sigh* i hate lyfe X.X
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Monday, November 12, 2001 at 10:38 a.m.

[[my new desktop]]
hey hey! who reads this? nobody but myself -__-;; oh wellz~ well, i'll just blog right now... some various things that are going on now

well, as you might've known, i'm in high school right now.. the end of the first marking period has come... i probably got a B in spanish1B... i got a low C in biology i believe, low A in algebra, high B in english, average B in computers and an average C in world history.... i just bombed my world history test with a D.. and that's because of a curve, otherwise i'd get an F... that's the beginning of the second marking period! plus, i didn't do my homework assignment since i'm a lazy bum -_-;;

i can't wait till i change classes! like in my skool, for freshmens u have 1/4 computer, 1/4 PE, 1/4 art/music history and 1/4 study skills... my computer class sucks bollz!! i swear! dayam teacher yelled at me a few times! yesterday he was sayin that i go to the bathroom everyday in his class.. chi~ i do not! sometimes i "go to the bathroom".. bastard.. such an arse... plus, he can't teach for shiet... and when he does, he tells u step by step... even "teaching" you how to save, open and print a document.. STEP BY STEP... ARGHH!!!!! soooo annoying... i wanna bomb him >.<

well... on a lighter news... i got a fiancee.. but.... i haven't talked to him in awhile.. i asked him to marry me on friday night... he said yes ^^.. then we met the next day, saturday... i was an hour late >.< but xuanee, being so nice, told me that i wasn't late and that it's still just 4, not 5... well.. after that, we went to played pool.. i learned a lot about xuanee... i saw his id card, saw how funny & cute & tall & nice & skinny he is... and i feel bad... i felt bad that he's like this, and i'm..like this.. :( i found out he likes jelly beans too... being so cute & funny, he kept saying "jelly in my belly".. hehe... and he walked me to my bus stop at 6 since i had to leave... he stayed with me the whole time entertaining me.. and then when we saw the bus, i asked him to hug me, and he did... he felt so warm and comfortable.... i miss his touch x.x then when i got home, i was all tired and it was 7pm... my parents yelled at me... and just like an hour before i usually go online, i fell asleep x.x and i slept the wholeee night... i had told xuanee that i was gonna be online that night and i wasn't... i haven't seen him online since friday... i feel really bad... i'm a bad fiancee, aren't i? *sniff sniff* i think i hab his phone number.. but i'm not sure since it got smudged X.X *sigh*~ it's been shiety... i'm tired... i'm gonna call xuanee tomorrow... hopefully... and i have to put on this stupid act.... aish.... i'm so tired of myself..
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, November 7, 2001 at 02:35 a.m.

[[solid07]]
i'm hooked on solid and i know it...
i make a chatroom for the members of the solid forum to chat and stuff.. it's lots of fun... i even made a humorous fic about me and a friend's "wedding"... not real or anything... the end wound up that we didn't even get married! so...it's all good.. i guess...

lez & kara unnie deul are sad... lez unnie's sad/mad since her friend lied about Delphaine, her ficcie... but i feel a lil better since i helped cheered her up cuz of my reply to her other fic, Picture Perfect... i LOVEDDDD that... since ..err.. don't wanna spoil it *sheepish smile*

kara unnie's sad since she got guy problemz.. aish~ i know i do too... -_-;;

there's this CUTEEEEEE guy in my school who's a sunbae... i dunno what's his name or what grade is he in... i just kno he's a sunbae since i'm a freshie and it seems as if he's older than me... OY! i'm so stupid! i have last year's yearbook! i'll just look through to find his name and everything... he is SOOOOOOo hot! he's tall and skinny, like the usual asian crowd -_-;;, and has nice long shiny hair.... okay, i usually don't like long hair, but he kinda looks like my fave chinese actor, so he was an exception.. his hair was reddish and it was like heejun's length, but it gets longer to the back instead

hmmm.. what else? i know i haven't blogged in a LONGG while.. and it's solid's fault.. been glued to the forums... that's what i'm doing now -_-;; posting at their forum.... 5 in the morning.... gotta finish up.. my mom's gonna see if i'm still awake.... bye!
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Tuesday, October 9, 2001 at 04:41 a.m.

[[hotmail]]
i'm so tired.. so many serious feelings... i don't have the strength to laugh... i haven't been eating much.. it's not that i'm trying NOT to eat.. it's just i don't feel like eating;i'm not hungry... and i got workloads of homework now... so i'm naturally tired

and today... i'm so tired & worn out... and what happened today... i could've gotten 12 hours of the 30 hours of community service i'm supposed to do.. but i followed the wrong person...which sucks... and when i was walking home and thinking about it.. i kept wondering what i felt.. whether i wanted to cry or scream... i still don't know.. but i think i want to sleep... but i'm afraid that i won't be able to finish my homework if i sleep, so i won't... i'm so tired....
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, September 26, 2001 at 09:48 p.m.

[[my webcam pix]]
yeah well i went on a rampage and started taking pix... those are all the pix i liked... well, there's one more..



otherwise, that's all of them..

chris & james IMed me this night.. it was kinda creepy... especially since chris kept hitting on me and james kept talking to me... i'm not used to either one of those.. so naturally i was creeped out

i think that's it... not much.. got my world history project to do.. and i gotta finish up that letter to wai jeh... oke doke, bai baizz!
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Sunday, September 23, 2001 at 03:06 a.m.

[[gackt & doggy]]
hiya... okay, i just used hiya.. oyyy~ anyway, there's nothing much that's been going on.. but i had this yume that was a continuation of another one.. this one made me happy... i felt happy... well, i'll start with what i remember of the prequel..

well it started with me running away from home... why? because i didn't want to stay there.. i went like 1 or 2 blocks and came upon this house that i know of.. and i guess i stayed there for a few days before i went back home.. i stayed with a woman and her husband.. i remembered that i really enjoyed their company and vice versa.. and when they told me i should go, they said that i should visit sometimes and that if anything else ever happens, i'm welcomed back... i loved it there

i bet you can guess what the sequel is about right? yup, i end up going back to that house... i remember i step into the indoor porch and was examining a door, so to speak.. and beautiful bird popped out and started singing... while i was mesmorized by it, the man came onto the indoor porch to greet me.. well, he didn't really greet me, but just stood there.. the woman came out too and gave me a hug.. and their son was shocked that i was there.. the son usually was not home and was away...

hmm... after a long talk, i was allowed to stay at their house, but i had to sleep in the basement.. why? because i escaped from home again... it was like i was a princess in my yume... but i didn't mind that i had to sleep in the basement... because i was content with staying with that family.. i loved it there... and they loved me there... i don't know... just making me think of that yume makes me feel better... that's all.... i just wanted to say that... bye
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Monday, September 17, 2001 at 11:50 p.m.

[[creepy]]
i posted my article in asianavenue (here) and i had two replies... i'm gonna check my hotmail to see if i had anymore.. hopefully i did.. none... i guess people like my article? well, that's good

also, the two predictions of the end of this world..
"In the City of God there will be a great thunder, Two brothers torn apart by Chaos, while the fortress endures, the great leader will succumb .The third big war will begin when the big city is burning."
and
"On the 11th day of the 9th month two giant birds will crash into 2 statues in the new city and the world will shortly end."

it's pretty accurate isn't it? the end is coming... and is it a good thing? edit: i just sent it to the government (at www.ifccfbi.gov)
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, September 12, 2001 at 01:51 a.m.

[[solid07's common forum]]
i'm at the solid forum right now and there's lots of stuff dealing with the terrorist act... one of the member, SeHoon, was a witness of the act.. he described what he saw in one of the posts..

there's also coincidences(?) about the planes that were hijacked (11, 93, 175, 77):
11 - tuesday's date
9+3 - wednesday's date (12)
1+7+5 - thursday's date (13)
7+7 - friday's date (14)

finally, an update on my condition (since it IS my blog).. ever since i read the replies of the solid forum, i've been hurting more and more... especially when i read SeHoon's posts.. i almost cried and i felt like i was going to collapse or pass out... it still hurts now that i'm writing about it.. ugh...
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, September 12, 2001 at 12:21 a.m.

[[solid07's common forum]]
i'm at the solid forum right now and there's lots of stuff dealing with the terrorist act... one of the member, SeHoon, was a witness of the act.. he described what he saw in one of the posts..

there's also coincidences(?) about the planes that were hijacked (11, 93, 175, 77):
11 - tuesday's date
9+3 - wednesday's date (12)
1+7+5 - thursday's date (13)
7+7 - friday's date (14)

finally, an update on my condition (since it IS my blog).. ever since i read the replies of the solid forum, i've been hurting more and more... especially when i read SeHoon's posts.. i almost cried and i felt like i was going to collapse or pass out... it still hurts now that i'm writing about it.. ugh...
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, September 12, 2001 at 12:21 a.m.

[[MSN page]]
it's kinda spooky... what happened today... when i first heard about it, i didn't really care too much (near the end of my 1st period class)... i kept my uncaring look on my face... then when i went to biology, i still didn't care as much.. even when my biology teacher said that the World Trade Center collapsed... then i went to algebra, i still didn't care... but 4th period.. i started caring.. not too much... between 3rd & 4th, i saw my friend in the halls and i started talking to her... she told me that everybody was getting out at noon.. and in 4th period, our whole class was talking about it... several individuals were blaming it on certain countries, or just thinking the possibility of which country doing the hijacking.. i didn't say anything to them besides "it could be anybody, including the US"... several people asked me if my sister was in the navy... i told them "no, she's in boot camp right now"... they knew my sister had something to do with the military since we had an oral presentation (which i had mine yesterday) and i touched the fact that my sister was in boot camp and is going to the army.. i guess they were listening to me..

when we were led out at noon, i went to buy tokens, seeing a long line, i just walked down to the basement to get some books in my other sister's locker.. then i walked out of the school seeing CROWDS of people.. giving me shoutouts was my friend Susly (who doesn't go to my school, but the one a block or so away) and with her, our friend Christy (goes to my school).. but it was all good since i finally got to see her after about 3 months.. she was shocked that i cut my hair..hah.. then we started talking about random things, leading to the fact that we forgot about the terrorist attack.. we separated our ways.. Susly going to her cousin.. after a few minutes of joining up with her & Victoria (goes to my school) again and leaving, we went to our two other friends, Lan and Yan (guys).. we started talking to them, joking, stoping Lan from getting on a bus... it was fun, but eventually they left... Victoria, Christy and i forgot all about the situation...

but when i went home (at around 1:30-2), it was kind of weird... i don't know how... but i went to sleep at around 2:30 and then woke up again at 4:40.. i heard my mother talking to my father about the whole terrorist situation... my father is practically clueless about the whole thing.. my mother also said she knew a few people who had close relatives with people in new york (husband, wife, children)... awhile after that, i started feeling sadness & worry... i knew it was coming.. i just didn't know when it will come... or maybe it's my paranoia that's feeling it? i still feel it.. i'm surprised it's not such an impact... i'm still not crying, although i know there's a lot of people who are now.. or is it because i only feel a portion of people's feelings? i don't know.. it's just really strange.. but i do feel a LOT of worry... worry of people who's family is in ny...
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Tuesday, September 11, 2001 at 06:20 p.m.

[[solid07 forums]]
hey... i know i haven't posted recently.. but that wasn't intentionally... i had homework to do.. in fact, i still have homework to do -_-;; i hate school! it's taking away my life... well, not really... i do things before i do my homework... maybe i shouldn't sleep tonight... i've been up till 6:30 am before.. and at 6:30 am i plan to take a shower, so after the shower i'll probably be 100% awake.. eh, maybe..

ah~ but me so tired now, i just realized.. oyy... there's nothing really more for me to write, so i'm just gonna blog later.... oh yeah! i remember! kara looks really pretty!! go check it out at her blog... really pretty! wahh~ so many pretty people! k, i go now, bai baizz!
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Sunday, September 9, 2001 at 11:24 p.m.

[[Lez's blog]]
hey... just gonna blog random things.. i was reading Lez's blog today and i got mad.. not at Lez... but at that girl that e-mails her, trying to get her angry... that girl shouldn't bother Lez.. Lez's having enough problems already.. and so is everybody else! Kara, Esca, NahMool, etc.. i feel kinda bad... why? no clue.. maybe because i feel their pain (or in Lez's case, anger)? or maybe it's because hardly ever cry anymore and they have? i'm not sure

i've got school tomorrow (as in wed)... which actually kinda sucks... i don't want to go back to school.. i like living the bum life.. and i got 20$ from my aunt as a belated b-day present... and Victoria came over and gave me a HelloKitty doll and apologized for not giving it to me sooner since she had work... s'all good.. i didn't mind the idea of people forgetting my birthday... there were exactly 6 people who remember the exact date of my birthdate, at least, that i know of... 5 who knew on the first try...

i took a IQ test today and it said i had a 138... chris was probably like "O.O how did this hOe get a 138?".. he calls me a "hOe" but i'm cool with it since i call him "asswipe" and "baka yaro"... but the IQ was kinda interesting because it didn't involve patterns.. it actually involved thinking! *gasp*... i'll post up the link later.. i don't have it now..

hmmm... i should remember that i gotta go shopping today.. gotta buy some new clothes for tomorrow.... plus, if i have enough money, gonna get my hair cut... it's getting long (if ya wanna see what i look like, go to mcc2001.cjb.net, name's wind and i'm the webdesigner)... i dunno how i want my hair to be, so i'm just gonna ask the lady to pick a style for me... nothing above the shoulders though.. i HATE short hair... okay then.. i'm done blogging... i gotta sleep.. yesterday i only slept for about 4 hours and 30 minutes... one of my all time lows... the lowest one was last year, didn't sleep for 3 days.. why? don't ask.. it's stupid, really.. okay then, bai baizz!
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Tuesday, September 4, 2001 at 12:20 a.m.

[[funny quiz i found on kara's blog]]
*in a sing-song voice* i hate life~ i hate life~ i hate life~ i hate life~

almost 14 years of living.. *shudders* i've already suffered pain (as farfetched as it seems).. so much pain.. and "i hate life~ i hate life~"... this sucks... i hate tomorrow... tomorrow in 10 minutes.. i hate it.. i hate it.. i was hoping people would forget.. oh wells.. sucks to be me, neh? *sigh*

i also found out today that esca closed down her site :( she closed it down awhile ago but i noticed today... so sad... i loved that site.. i loved the fanfics.. i loved "Silent Mornings"... :(

there is a bug near me and i'm terrified.. oy, i'm a wuss.. i jumped when it flew... i didn't even know it flies.. ACK! it just flew on me... i'm thinking about killing it... scared as shiettt~~ i tried to stuff it in a empty soda can but it flew away..... ai~ i hate bugs.... and i hate life

julia e-mailed me... she was busy with school... had to sleep early and everything... that's why she wasn't online.. well, at least she didn't die or anything..

i feel so serious now... dead too.. bug's back... scared the heck outta me.. and attempt #2 in trapping it in a soda can failed.... i think i'm gonna go now... goodbye
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Thursday, August 30, 2001 at 11:48 p.m.

[[good gravitation fic]]
hey.. i know i haven't been blogging... it's intentional... i spend too much time on blogging... so i'm probably just gonna blog every once and awhile..

anyway, that link up there.. ya should read that fic.. it's REALLY good.. but so much angst.. maybe that's what's so good about it? but here's a warning: there's some "lemons" and some "limes" and of course, shounen ai... if you don't know what that is, i recommend you to NOT read it hehe.. but shounen ai, i'll explain.. it's boy love (boy/boy)... but if you're cool with that (and maybe perverted or okay with that) then i suggest you to read this fic... it's so good, yet so sad *sniff* hehe... still waiting for the next part though *grumble grumble*

what i was also doing today was a anime hunt... i was looking for places to buy some subbed animes... my search turned out okay.. i found a few places to buy most of "Excel Saga," "Ah! My Goddess," and "Ai no Kusabi".. okay, in truth, i have no clue what these animes are about.. well, that's moreover Excel Saga.. i'm just *intrigued* by Ai no Kusabi's plot... it's not everyday you find a yaoi (if you don't know what it REALLY means, don't ask me... me gonna be too embarrassed to explain) anime... well, to me, it's everyday i find a yaoi anime... and the plot is kinda weird (read it at aestheticism) but it seems interesting... Ah! My Goddess.. well, i read a fic that was similiar to it and i wanted to know the story and everything.. plus, it's pretty popular.. and Excel Saga was recommended to me by a "test" i took haha... so was Fushigi Yuugi..

wahh~ that was long.. so me starting on another "paragraph".. i'm also looking for "The Slayers".. i can't seem to find it.. and now i'm starting to look for "Revelutionary Girl Utena".. i think that's a shounen ai.. dunno... but they all seem interesting to me i guess.. plus they're pretty popular so i'm guessing they're good

well, onto other things.. it's kinda weird for me to go online now... why? because julia's not on! i haven't seen her for the past few days and i'm kinda worried... kinda.. cuz it maybe because she started school and everything? i dunno...

hmm.. i don't think there's anything else i want to say... ah~ but this utterly sucks... haven't been sleeping well... takes me a hour or longer just to fall asleep... ai~ i'm starting to get sick of walking around the house, trying to get myself tired... oy~ utterly utterly sucks.. ai~ so imma try to sleep now.... bai~
Videl is watching Gravitation on
Wednesday, August 29, 2001 at 11:54 p.m.

[[Lez's blog]]
......................
aaliyah died today...
but for some reason, when i first heard it, it didn't phase me a bit... maybe it's because i heard it from chris.. and i always think that he's playing with me because usually he does... but when he told me, i REALLY didn't believe it... and he thought i had no feelings since i didn't care too much... then again, you might think so too, right? well, my belief is that: that's the way of life.. you live and die.. remember it..

but then again.. when i read Lez's blog.. i realized that what chris said, was the truth.. and when i continued to read what she wrote.. i felt this rush of sadness through me... i felt how Lez was feeling... i still feel this sadness...

i just read an article about it... click here to read it..

oh yeah.. and today's my sister's birthday.. bye
Videl is watching Gravitation on
Sunday, August 26, 2001 at 11:53 p.m.

[[solid07]]
agh~ i hate this... i wanted to sleep at 12.. but noo~ so many things stopped me... at around 11, i was watching ep4 of Yami no Matsuei, Escaflowne the OVA... *sigh* i wanted to watch the episodes of Weiß Kreuz that i hadn't watched yet... Escaflowne ended at 1ish... and i was gonna sleep... i got off at&t and then switched to aol.. then i got on aim just to see if my friends were on (at least, ones that i usually talk to).. finding that they weren't, i was about to sign off... guess who IMs me? danny gallo~ he wanted help on his site... me, being the person who helps people, decides to help him... guess what time it is? 2:47am!!! ah~ but since he insults my "Akira Square" site (not released but it's here), i decided to send him my other sites... hmph... insults me! on websites too! his site pretty much sucks too! hmph! i'm waiting for his reply now

anyway.. to cool off... i know i having been blogging.. but i figured, that's good... why? because i've been spending too much time on my blog... it's better if i didn't.. i'm not even sure WHAT i've been doing online... at one time, i stayed on the computer till 6-8am.. it was a few days ago, even though i don't remember what time i stayed on till... i only had 5 hours of sleep that day... today, or yesterday, i had 10 hours... nice, ne?

so far, i haven't even worked on uploading amazing kiss.. i am pretty tired... i'm just not in the mood to do anything... losing interest in mostly everything.. well, maybe not animes.. i think i still like that

Weiß Kreuz is pretty interesting... but it also isn't.. i don't know... i like Gravitation more... i think it's because Gravitation's funnier? i'm okay with Weiß Kreuz not having shounen ai... the assassins by night thing is pretty funny... but i wonder what happens... i've got all the episodes, but i haven't watched them all... haven't got the time since my sister usually gets on the computer... and i need to answer questions for school.. no, i haven't gone to school yet... but they sent out a letter (when i didn't get yet) for questions of this summer book we had to read.. Victoria sent me the questions so now i gotta answer them... AND i have to get a physical.. *sigh*

i was gonna go get my physical today.. but then, i wasn't sure which school i was supposed to put on that piece of paper... so~ now i gotta ask my friend.. but she isn't online, and i haven't seen her online.. i guess i'll call Christy.. she wanted me to call her anyway... ai~ i'm getting a headache... but i'm tired.... so i'm gonna sleep now... ja ne~
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Saturday, August 25, 2001 at 02:42 a.m.

[[solid07 forums]]
hey.. me was just kinda bored and i was just looking through the solid07 forums.. kinda fun? dunno... i signed up for it anyways.... videlkm...

ermm.. nothing realli happened today.. i was just watching videos as usual.... such a bum... really need a guy or a job.. oy vey~ hrm... but i woke up several times.... 7am because my sister went into my room (unlocked the door -_-;;) and started playing on the computer... then at 12pm since my little cousin went into my room (my sister still on the comp watching a anime VERY loudly) and took my huge toy hammer (the one that squeaks) and asked "why is it so big?"... ugh... 10 year olds are annoying me... but luckily, little boy left my room saying "i'm going to play DDR (dance dance revolution... i have that game on my playstation) with my sis commenting "if you can find it...".. oyyy... i woke up again at around 1pm since my mom AND aunt came into my room (sis & cuz gone).. they were talking about the crap i have in my room... oyy.. i couldn't sleep after that so i went downstairs to see my mom leaving with my lil cuz and his mother... went and got a mango to eat.. hehe~ that's all i ate.. wasn't hungry...just tired

oh yeah.... i uploaded 2 more of boa's amazing kiss performance thingy... [18] and the other one: [19]... ai~

oh yeah.. i had another yume... and it's all because of brett! he was talking about how he was watching "The Exorcist" and all (he's only 12.. oy~)... well, this yume was taken place in varies forms... well, one of them was that my sister's friend was a ghost.. and she was scared of the ghost and didn't really want it near her... so i devised a plan to get rid of the ghost.. i would use the same spell i used before to get rid of the other ghost (from a dream i had before) to get rid of this one... oy... I was an exorcist.. and it was all because of brett!! arghh!! -_-;;

well.. there were two more forms of the yume i had... another one was that i was driving... well, sorta... i was in the passenger's seat, nobody was in the driver's seat... so i had to lean over in order to use the steering wheel... the breaks and gas petal kinda worked on its own... and i was driving really good too! straight and not too far right or too far left.. suddenly i get into this accident.. haha.. i don't understand how, and i'm totally confused

the last form of the yume.. well... i think it's a continuation of this other one, but i'm not sure... but i also think it's from a video game (chrono cross, where u have to get to the water[?] dragon)... well, anyway, i was close to entering this temple... probably is, there's vines & steel gates surround the temple from like a square feet... and there was this one entrance, guarded by like a enchanted something.... can't remember... and it told me that the only way for it to open is if i bring one of my family members and some other people... can't remember... and well, i told somebody to go fetch those people (that person was a relative of those other people... and the enchanted something wanted us to bring dead people... like, their ghosts)... and well, when my sister came (she's not dead, just in boot camp)... i kinda, well.. hmm... did something that i'm ashamed of saying.. nothing sick or something.. i cried.. i mean, in my family, we don't really care for each other too much.. so i was kinda shocked when, in my dream, i cried for my sis when i saw her... then i woke up since my mom and aunt barged into my room... i was thinking... maybe this is a sign to show that i actually DO miss her? i dunno.. confused... headache.. gonna go.. bye
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Sunday, August 19, 2001 at 01:44 a.m.

[[this]]
i forgot to add the stuff i uploaded so far.. so, here goes...

Boa singing Seo Taiji's "NanAlAhYo" [3 total]
(originally from solid07.net)
[1] [2] [3]

Boa performing "Amazing Kiss" [36 total]
didn't finish uploading (originally from solid07.net)
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]
[11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17]

Brown Eyes's "BulSsuh 1Nyun" MV [10 total]
(originally from their website)
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]

oh yeah.. i also forgot to blog about this strange yume (dream in japanese) i had... but now i don't remember it.. something triggered the memory of the yume but i don't remember what... man i'm getting a headache trying to remember it... i knew i was gonna forget.. when i was watching this funny chinese movie at around 2pm (when i woke up haha) and i told myself i was gonna forget the yume by tonight.... ai~ it was a good but strange yume... oy... enough of that... ah! i remember!

indeed, the dream was strange.. but it explained how desperate(?) i wanted to go to another mcc retreat... instead, it wasn't even a retreat haha.. since my friends in philly were there... my non-korean friends, but asian friends... and how i got to the retreat was actually kinda funny... i rode a motorcycle... i mean, i actually used it too.. and these gothic people were saying 'hi' to me in this car and asking me if i wanted to ride with them on the rode... and how my slippers(?) fell off when i rode it in the beginning and then suddenly reappeared when i got to the destination... no, sneakers reappeared... and the place wasn't cabins or anything... it was one big building? hmm.. it was kind of like a school but more childish? i don't remember... oh! and there was only 2 floors i believe... the first floor was entrance/auditorium and the second floor was classrooms and beds.. well, it kind of seemed like classrooms was a whole new building.. i'm not sure... i know it didn't seem like a retreat, but it was...sort of... i saw a lot of people that i met at the retreat (junghwa, junghee, melody, julie, julia, etc..).. haha.. and i remember i saw minwoo... haha~ that was funny... i think i gave him a cold look (you know in fanfics, cold, expressionless lee minwoo)... i don't know... maybe i should make a fanfic out of my dream? but revise it a little?

oh i don't know... maybe i should... and since i wrote it here, i can always remember the dream... but wouldn't i have to make a prequel in order to explain the parts where i meet the bunches of people i hugged in my dream? i also shouted to a bunch of people (not in their ears or anything) if they remembered me... they all said 'yes'... how cute... ah, i'll think about it... i gotta jet.. bye byes... oh and if u wanna check out pix i took from the ACTUAL retreat i went to, go here.. k, bai!
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Saturday, August 18, 2001 at 02:53 a.m.

[[good gravitation site]]
hey.. i really got no life, do i? all i do is go online (read, chat, upload, check mail), watch videos (korean & chinese), eat, sleep... sad really... i want a job.. stupid system... i gotta be 14 at least... and that won't happen till sept... oy vey... or i need a boyfriend haha.. ah~ i hate this... so boring

i was watchin "mok pil dal sung to yo il" today... i didn't like it too much.. star survival wasn't on... it was... "star! ***".. i don't remember what it was called... it had RooRa, Lee JungHyun, Kim HyunJung and another group... i forget... wasn't paying too much attention... they also had another program.. JaeMin was on it! JaeMin is the baby that G.O.D took care of! they had G.O.D on the program too!! OHH!!! it was so cute and funny! or maybe..i rented a old video? i don't think so... oh wells hehehe

what else? hmm... oh yeah! but...i don't think i wanna write it hehe... but... i'll just write about something different.. something actually about me

i haven't really told a lot of people (probably only 1)... but you know those stories with people having masks to cover their emotions and everything? well, i kind of took that as a personality.. i'd have this cold mask on everytime i go out... and when i'm with a friend, i have this happy mask on... rarely i show a sad face... notice i didn't say mask.. and when i think about the whole masking thing, it really makes me wonder about my real personality.. how i am, really... and really, i don't know.. or maybe..my personality is the masks? ah i'm just so confusing... no point in reading this paragraph... i'm just spilling random thoughts..

ah... or maybe i'm just crazy? i already took the personality disorder test... got so many highs/extremely highs if ya remember... here's a recap:
DisorderRating
Paranoid:Very High
Schizoid:Very High
Schizotypal:Very High
Antisocial:High
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:Very High
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:High
Dependent:High
Obsessive-Compulsive:High

-- Click Here To Take The Test --


see? i AM crazy... hoo~ i'm gonna jet now then... bai bai!
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Saturday, August 18, 2001 at 02:04 a.m.

[[solid07]]
ahh... i'm physically tired..... i mean... argh.. dunno hehe.. i should actually be offline now.. my mom has to make a phone call.. ack! oy~ hmm... oh yeah! and i'm uploading shinhwa's hey come on MV... anybody that wants it.. it might be deleted fast? can't explain hehe.. hmm... it's splited so u'll have to download hjsplit.. i'll upload that too.. hmm.. but first, the files..

[1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][hjsplit]

have fun! hmm.. what did i do today? oh yeah! i finished downloading gravitation ep9! YAHOOOO!!!! but it's sooo weird! it's so different from the other episodes... freakiiii.. or maybe it's because of eiri-san? he changed! so much... because of what happened in ep7 & 8.. oh gosh... by the way, eiri is the blonde hair in my blog... not the one in the skirt.. the one in the skirt is shuichi...

what else? oh i know! i'm in a helping mood today.. i'm doing three helpful things at the same time! yup yup! multi-tasking! 2 things are for julia... i was giving her the coordinates for her imagemap thingy and i was uploading hey come on MV for her.. and 1 thing for brett... i was helping him through chrono trigger! he sucks.. so bad it's sad... hehehe~ and he got a weird site... check it out: one of brett's sites... suckie, ne? heheh~ jk jk.. hopefully he doesn't know about this blog? well, hardly anybody know about this blog.. that's good? dunno! hehee~

okay, i finish helping people and then i'll tell my mom that i'm offline so she can make her phone call... bai bai!!
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Thursday, August 17, 2001 at 12:40p.m.

[[good fics]]
heyozz~~ lalala~ nothing really happened today... okay, so i'm kinda lying... eh~ hmm... i got this aim prog that andrew sent me.... oooooohhh!!!!! i love him for it!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!! dat prog lets u sign onto aim in multiple accounts at the same time! fudge aim express! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! oh, and download it here... i had sooooo much fun with it! i opened it 4 times and i signed onto 5 of my snz at onceee!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! sooooo funnnn!! but so many IMz from andrew haha... we had trouble telling the difference between the aimz... hahaha

hmm.. what else? oh yeh!! i returned the tapes i borrowed from my video store (mok pil dal sung to yo il & music bank) and they didn't have the next tape.. wahhh~~~ they'll mok pil dal sung to yo il tomorrow and music bank on friday.. i might as well pick up those tapes on friday right? hehehehe~ i love mok pil dal sung to yo il!!! it's the show with star survival and akdong club!!! AHH!!! hehehe~ star survival's sooo funny! they have sunghoonee, hyesungee, minwooee, junjinee, sanghyukee, kim gunmo and a whole buncha other peepz! hehehe~~~ yoo jaesuk (the host) makes them do da funniest things!! and akdong club! ooh~ so funny too! like 2 episodes ago, they were pretending to be click b! and they were "performing" baekjunmoopae!! AHHAA!! they're soooo cute! *pinch pinch* oh yeh! akdong club is a show about people wanting to be singers and all... these 4 girls were already chosen and now 7 guys remain.. 2 of them is gonna get kicked out.. NOO!!! they're sooo cute! and they sing so well!! AHH!!

i also wanna get music bank since i wanna see shinhwa perform more! *pouts* and i wanna see click b perform 'ahjoo orae daenyunildeul'!! they looked so cute from the clips i saw them!! they wore uniforms! AHHHH~~ so cuteeeeeee~~

ah~ i don't think i have anything else to type about hehe~ ^_^ so i go now~ baizz hehe~
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Thursday, August 16, 2001 at 12:37 a.m.

[[kara]]
hey! like the new layout? gravitation man! hehe~ it's the best anime! i found out that esca likes it too! oh! and i talked to kara today! i mean, i actually did! she likes the romanizations i did for her... yay! i would feel pretty bad if she didn't... hehehe~

hm.. there wasn't anything realli special that happened today... i only discovered the world of a wannabe napster that my sister downloaded a few days back i believe... it's called WinMX... it's pretty cool.. i downloaded a few songs but some i didn't complete since somebody knocked me off aol -_-;; oh wells~ i was just using her account anyways *snicker snicker*....

i realli hate my dad now.. he alwayz bothers me.. it's so freaking annoying! he even bothered me this morning at around 8! i pretended i was sleeping and he kept friggin hitting me! ughhh~~~ makes me so freaking mad! i wanna strangle him! can't he just leave me alone for awhile? i mean sheesh! i went to sleep at around 7am! and he wakes me up 8 and bothers me for da longest time, leaving me awake for an hour or so... then when i went to sleep at 9 something, i woke up at 2! insomnia... oy~ hate it~ but i think i hate my dad more... my mom is okay though... i mean, she doesn't bother me like my dad... oy vey~ i'm gonna lock my door so then they both won't barge into my room and start messing with me... same goes for my sister... 6am: comes into my room and goes on the comp, blasting the music.... oy vey~

okay i think i'm done complaining.. well, i actually have a few more thoughts but i can live with it without posting it on the internet... oy vey~ baiz
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Wednesday, August 15, 2001 at 12:43 a.m.

[[pitas]]
ahh!! my new gravitation blog.. nice, neh? ah! just testing it out... me not blogging tonight.. okay bye!
Videl is playing with Ryuichi and Shuichi on
Monday, August 13, 2001 at 01:54 a.m.