...{ all i wanted was your heart || _cradle of dreams

28.04.03

||music: Nothing. Unplugged the speakers for Huggie to use tomorrow. ||

Watched Hero again. MASTERPIECE. Still loving it.

Also, I finished Gravitation this afternoon! ^_____^ I want the OAV. I'm turning into a drooling addict. All I need now is money. Hmm...where could i get some, kaya? I also have a new dream! :D I *will* collect all the tankoubans of AS. Translated or not. This is my goal!! >:D

I couldn't get that much sleep last night. Make that pretty much no sleep at all. It's just been so hot lately.

I still have to get Li's script via email. Excuse me.

:: took a peek at her heart @ 08:26 p.m. ::

27.04.03

"Courage is not an absence of fear,
but the knowledge that there is something more important than fear.
The brave do not live forever,
but the cautious do not live at all." - The Princess Diaries.

Why I have no fears of SARS or dying right now. Though I'm not too sure about the exact quotes. Tragedy, really. I feel like sucking the marrow out of life right now, yet I can't even get out of the house. *grumbles*.

Gravi fic still spinning all around my head...I just havent gotten around to writing it yet though. I also have the dilemma of the script for the play of my English kids' class which I will probably have to write. No ideas. I just can't write a play to be presented by a bunch of eleven year olds whose English and Spelling I know to be extremely bad...I'd be stuck between keeping it low and understandable yet eventually condescending to their intelligence, or the usual "high english" sort of writing that they will not understand. -__-;;

Good Lord, I can't even think of a decent plot! If I cant even utilize my writing skills for something useful and productive, what am I? :|

I want a driving license. A real one, without needing a licensed driver in the passenger seat. Right now, if you please. ^-^

:: took a peek at her heart @ 06:48 a.m. ::

26.04.03

||music: Rampqueen - Blank, my brother on the piano.||

Lately I've been in the process of making another fic. Gravi now, I'm too addicted,and sort of PWP fluff, if such a thing were possible.Then I popped by OB and started reading through the Yaoi thread...

What I find strange is that I can't justify myself properly. I was reading through and thought of posting but had nothing to say at the moment. Why do I love yaoi? I'm not exactly sure, I can't put things into words, unless I read someone else's.

I suppose it's the real life thing...that two guys [or girls!] can go fall in love with each other, and the overcoming all odds sense of it. There's no dominant and subordinate thing in all of it [seme/uke aside] because since they have the same gender, they just...are together. ^_^; The unrealistic portrayal of the way a guy would behave aside [Shuichi is cute and funny but he acts so much like a emotional little teenybopper girl...with a penis. O_O], I find it cool and stimulating. And beautiful.

Then again, I'm a free thinker. I'm like the Them from Good Omens. I like keeping an open mind about EVERYTHING. ^-^

Still no signs of me being able to get to Anime Quest...no transpo, no tickets, no paalam ahuhuhuhuh... ^_-. Huggies called last night to ask if I were going, and told me if I could come to text her. I'm so jealous of her!! She got free tickets! From Jescie James Palabay to boot! Hrrrr....:D

I feel like a new layout. Maybe when I'm not so busy, I can look one up.

:: took a peek at her heart @ 11:50 a.m. ::

25.04.03

||music: Sakanoue Yosuke - Super Drive||

Happy happy, joy joy! Li lent me GRAVITATION!!! Gaaah~, it's so fun! Even if my brother keeps popping in while I watch, pestering me why i have such weird fetishes and why these girly animes are so obsessed with all this shonen-ai. ^-^

There's so much bullshit in the world lately. My parents are deathly paranoid and obsessed with grades. When I went to CCHQ after an LnK trip, which happens to be the coolest store in the universe, they got so pissed and screaming because why was I out there, no one knew where that store is, why did i change the plan, i should have waited blah blah blah. Enough bullshit to choke a flock of vultures. I was wrong to go instead of following instructions maybe, but if their instructions and attitude towards me were more reasonable and less bone-headed, there wouldn't be a problem.

I have a theory about parents. For the eldest child they pressure him to grow up right away so he can take care of his siblings and them sooner. But I'm the youngest and I'm the only girl and I receive unbearable pressure to stay a child as much as possible. They give me zero credit and even less trust. They think I'm going to get raped, robbed, and die of SARS the moment I walk around alone [or even with friends] in Katipunan or a mall. I dont even give a damn about SARS, even if there's none in this country. I'm not afraid to die now, as long as I can say I've had a good life. Because of them, impossible right now.

I'm suddenly in an irritated mood remembering this because I hate it when I know they're being irrational and refuse to admit it by covering up their tracks with more B.S. I admitted I was wrong and I'm sorry already, now give me Lnk allowance so I can buy Sandman and Angel Sanc and let me go to Anime Quest tomorrow.

-_____-

I'm sorry for sounding so immature and angsty. Eventually teen angsting gets old on me and I'll try to keep my wits. No promises though. ^-^

:: took a peek at her heart @ 02:32 p.m. ::

21.04.03

||music: 50 cent - Da Club ||

The Summer reg scheme is definitely bad for all of us. Even me, who's not in college yet.

It's affecting LnK, not to mention I couldn't enroll in Badminton because when I went to UP gym there was a spectacularly long line that extended a long way outside. I couldn't get anywhere inside because of all those smoking college students lined up sitting on the floor. I might not go anyway, but still.

LnK is fun, but I'm so reckless at it. We tutor on a hit and miss basis and the kids seem too distracted. Or shy. Although sometimes they're so cute. Like Julie, who when we asked them all to draw, she drew three people.

When we asked who they were she said Andres Bonifacio, Dr. Jose Rizal...and her mom. When we asked why she drew those three people she said she wanted to draw her heroes.

Awwwww...

LnK is also very draining. When I got home I sat in front of the pc and typed. For four solid hours. I started writing a therapy fic...the kind to just let loose and get things out of your system.

I'm rather reluctant to post it anywhere or show it to anyone though, because it turned out very...PWP-ish. O_o;;

Basta, that's why I think that I might not be able to do badminton anymore. I'm afraid of draining myself out completely, like those good ol' second year hell week days.

Still thinking about it though.

:: took a peek at her heart @ 07:25 p.m. ::

20.04.03

|| hear: Beauty and The Beast in the background ||

Happy Easter Sunday people!

I cant log for very long. My baby cousins are here again and we've got another family webcam in process...ack, Aggie's drooling, ewww.

Jax you HAVE to call me or text me or something for Tuesday.

I feel so cheated. There's supposed to be a storm happening right now...a gigantic typhoon. I'd assume that there'd be rain and lots of it right now, but the sun is burning outside. It's not fair! I want a storm! *bangs on keyboard*

At least there's some wind. I'm feeling like a nap now. -_-;;

Just one more day before I swamp myself with work. Ooh, can't wait.

:: took a peek at her heart @ 12:36 p.m. ::

17.04.03

||music: Audioslave - Cochise ||

Something about my mood after today calls for something loud as my BGM. Big day. Much, much, done. I'm feeling giddy/hyper and worn out physically at the same time. Adrenaline must still going fast :P

Badminton isn't exactly my fave sport but I went and tagged along with my parents and their friends to play...and after thoroughly exhausting myself and getting my ass kicked I ran into Icka. My good friend Icka whom I haven't heard from in a year. Who I happened to think of yesterday, because it was her birthday and I realized I missed her.

Ever had one of those things where you think or talk about someone than he/she suddenly appears? [or at least *something* about that person. Like when I thought of Zara in the car and saw her name on the side of a delivery truck 2 seconds later.] Happens to me all the time, but that's the biggest incidence of that kind ever. O_o;; Weeeeiiiiirrdd....

Oh, and this was the first time I've ever went to Eastwood...lunch...which was probably the worst time to pick. Everything was closed for Holy Week! But the place is great! As I will quote my brother:

"Whoa! This place is so cool! We've never been here before? What have I been doing with my life?!"

Finally the highlight of my day: Airsoft! Guahahaha...this is both amazingly fun and annoying!! It's like Counterstrike in real-life with life-like guns that shoot pellets. XD And it's fantastic once you get the hang of it but its so hard...!! If you're about to try do NOT think that it's as easy it looks in action movies. I mean NOT.

Was able to borrow Onimusha and MGS2 off Bojit and Niboe...at last! Fresh Meat! :P

:: took a peek at her heart @ 10:19 p.m. ::

16.04.03

||music(??): Fear Factor in the background

It's Icka's birthday today. We haven't had much contact over the past year but she was a great friend and did a lot for me, and even if she doesn't know this URL, it wouldn't hurt to greet, now would it?

Yesterday was my deceased Lola Mina's birthday, so out of boredom and respect I went along to the cemetaryto light candles and things. At the cost of sounding morbid, when I'm dead myself I want to buried with style. Cemetaries in the Philippines [maybe not...am not sure. basta, ganyan ang North Cemetary.]aren't like those in movies of a green green field with all these tombstone: they're miniature dwellings made of concrete that house the grave with a roof and a gate.

All clumped together. With several people living there sometimes, making a living off selling candles and keeping a sari-sari store. Gaah~...Suffocating.

I'm such an idiot. Roz's link is wrong. And there's some people that I haven't linked pala. Will update now, excuse me.

:: took a peek at her heart @ 03:47 p.m. ::

still 12.04.04

|| music: Tori Amos - Crucify ||

Thank you Rozzy! I love your layout that's why I downloaded it! And now it's finally fixed, yay! I really never noticed...^-^

Lately I've been trying to evaluate my self-worth. I was posting at SMB, you see. I wish I could stop worrying about the image I present to other people but I can't help it. I just need to feel validated all of a sudden. What kind of person do you see when you read the blog anyway? Hnm.

On another note, I just love fashion...hahaha, nothing to do with what I was talking about a while ago, no? I mean, there's always the superficial part of it; the whole "what's in it and what's not". And looking pretty. But I've always liked the artistry of it. The cocktail of fabric and artistry and style to present this image, this ideal, this masterpiece...*drools*

Haha, is it obvious what I'm watching right now?

:: took a peek at her heart @ 09:25 p.m. ::

12.04.03

||music: Zeromancer - Neo Geisha||

My feet hurt. I've had a draining sort of day...slept at 1 am and woke myself up early so I could go to the gym. Then gimmick at Megamall, and if you're from the Philippines, you prolly know how big that place is. -__-;; I wish I could go there more often though...the no. of comic book stores! *drools*

Thought of something: Claro once told me that for girls, a trip to the mall is all about buying things. For guys on the other hand, it's all about doing things. Yet since we were both guys and girls awhile ago, I'm not quite sure of what we did more, but whatever that was I blew a lot of cash away....damn, I have no self-control. I neeed more money....

My personal day of death is Saturday, September 4 2066!!! Hahaha, although I would have liked to die on a Friday, that sounds fine to me. Check it out for youtself at Death Clock.com. Hehehehehehehe.

:: took a peek at her heart @ 07:30 p.m. ::

11.04. 03

||music: Nina - Foolish Heart ||

Yehey! Thank you Jaxie! The layout finally works! ü

Yesterday I went to the gym for a tryout to see if I should enroll...Hahaha, I really need to lose weight. :P It was ok even if I'm not used to working so hard...kept getting muscle spasms because my muscles tense up...I thought that I would ache all over by now but I guess I was wrong. Got a stiff neck though...ouchies.

So now, I think I'm enrolled to go the gym on a regular basis. I also kind of want to take streetdancing...:D My summer sked is starting to fill out nicely...just wish I could do keeendoooo...but Tito Allan's is too far! Haaaay~...

To everyone who hasn't watched it, watch The Recruit. That is a majorly cool and intelligent movie!! Naaliw ako, sobra. ^-^ It's the kind of movie that gets you thinking: who am I, who are my friends, and what exactly is it that I know? Also gets you kind of paranoid. :P

Hmmm....

:: took a peek at her heart @ 01:09 p.m. ::

10.04.03

||music - spongecola - jeepney||

Damn. I need FTP...must upload the layout image. [Roz! Ang cute kasi e! :P] That is, unless I move. Hmmm...

For once, I'm not chatting while I'm blogging here... hahaha, I'm such an addict when it comes to these things.

I was thinking about what Reg was saying about t.A.T.u before... I don't know, they definitely ought not to make such a big deal over that whole lesbian thing. Everyone ought to get over their personal homophobias. :P But for me...I just don't really think much of their MUSIC. The new video just confuses me.

I miss Ranchoweb. Haaaay~...

:: took a peek at her heart @ 03:42 p.m. ::