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Thought For The Day
"Why is it that you're right beside me, yet I feel totally alone?"
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Weekend
well its sunday night! Friday night was so much fun, me and tim were a little drunk ;) and I had some real good laughs (sorry bout that guys) LOL but then I had a hangover the next day cause tee made me go to bed right away instead of having it wear off most of the way before going to bed like I normally do! But I bought some cool stuff in Godrich so its all good. Sat night was Kels' party. I'm still trying to make myself react rationally and hopefully next time I"ll act instead of react so I"m not going to say anything cause anything I say now is going to give me cause for regret later and no one wants that. Work was ok today but meh, and tonight is 2xl fun night so that should be ok. Anyway I'll see ya'll later.
And another one bites the dust!
When will the madness end? or has it just begun? So i was at work today and having a really great day actually, and towards the end of the night I saw Jo Nikes (sp?) go by with a baby and for whatever reason I was just bowled over by the fact that I know so many people who now have children and/or are getting married and we're still only 18/19!!!! What is going on??? why are we so young and doing such grown up things? Isnt this stuff supposed to start happening a few years from now, once we're all in or done college/university???? After that I wasnt in such a good mood anymore. Sometimes I feel like I"m falling behind cause I"m not married or having kids yet, but then I'm reminded that God's got the plan and I"m on his timing, not the worlds and that I'll get married and have kids when its time if i'm supposed to. But yeah, so thats my little rant for tonight! Good bye highschool, i'll never return as a student (except to pick up my yearbook)! Its been great, but now its time to move on.
mission impossible
Your mission, should you choose to accept is to find amy's house from Future Shop in Kitchener. "I accept" 2 hours later we finally get there after having made a brief detour to Guelph! LOL so its sat and me and my bro's went for a drive and we decided to go to Kitchener. We went to connor's girlfriends house but she wasnt there so we went to future shop, then we were gonna go back cause they said she'd be back in a bit. So that was fine, we leave Future shop and head out and accidently get on the 401 east to toronto....so we got back into kitchener and asked for directions (i was driving of course) and they said get back on the 401 till you get to highway 8 then go onto that. So I did, I got right back onto the 401 EAST. So we finally stopped at a service station on the far side of Guelph and got lunch (its like 1pm at this point and we left at 11:30) and directions. From there it was easy, we got on 401 WEST and headed right back to her street, if we'd originally come from Guelph it would have been a perfect drive! LOL oh it was so much fun. Tho we discovered that none of us are particularily nervous when we're lost. We were like, oh we're in Guelph...ok.......keep signing with the music. It was great fun! so then we brought amy home with us. But now I gotta have a shower to get ready for the Buck and Doe tonight! lol yay! anyway, see some of ya tonight!
Leaving
Well today I had what al would call a 'moment' at the end of drama class. We went to leave and I stopped a little before the door and I just stood there looking at it and I realized that its all coming to an end. I knew that when I walked thru that door there would be no going back, I can never return to this. Then Lynda opened the door and I could see a bit of the hallway and it just symbolized the rest of my life. And I knew I had to go thru. So Kim and I were like oh my, i cant do this! so Kim goes up to the door and she was like come on shel, we'll jump thru together so I joined her and we held hands and closed our eyes and jumped into the hallway and I turnded and looked and the door slammed shut (symbolizing again, i can never go back, that part of life is done) and I turned and there was this big long hall with lots of people in it (more symbolizing, the rest of my life that lay ahead of me) and I got watery eyes. Then we started out down the hall and I got to my locker and opened it and it was empty except the last of my books and I nearly burst into tears! It was so upsetting, it's finally hit me. Then I thought about how much worse its gonna be stepping out of Stairsy's class at 3:15 tomorrow! Guys, I think it will be the first time I'll cry in public! Drama and Geo have been there all the way thru highschool (and campus life, I got misty eyed there too) and its just hitting me that it will all be gone, and I'm growing up and not coming back and I think I"m gonna cry! wow it was sad! I love you guys, thanks for some great years, lets keep the good times rolling!
more than a little exhasted...
Hello all! So yeah, its only sat! wow, I'm more than a little exhasted. On friday I had school all day then I worked then it was the Relay for Life and I walked approx. 7 hours total, with short breaks. It was just me and tee for most of the night so we're both tired and hurting! Then I had rest time from 8:30 to 11:30 and 12:00 to 3:00 I think I got a total of three hours sleep in there, it was pretty bad. THEN off to the Real Joe! and I"m finally home again, at 11:45pm. So anyway, tomorrow is church, work, youth, hmwk so I'm gonna go stuff as much sleep into tonight as I possibly can! Love ya all, good night!
talking
Ever been in one of those situations where you're not allowed to talk about it, but it seems like the rest of the F***ing world is?????????? As some of you know there's a bit of a crisis going on in my family right now, but I"M not allowed to talk about it, but apprently lots of people are! Why cant people mind their own freakin business????? I hate the world right now. I just want it to end, I want all these problems to go away and for life to be easy and good again. Not only is all that crap happening, but I also found out new info about my aunt (she was in an accident and has been in the hospital for about a week or so) she just got moved to London hospital and she's wearing a halo now cause she broke her neck. They were gonna operate but they're afraid that if they do she will be paralysed. They still arent sure of how she's gonna be, right now the only answer we get is 'hopefully she'll be alright'. And lately I've felt like I have no outlet for my emotions cause I cant talk to anyone about half the crap and I cant write most of it out on here cause thats telling everyone and I feel very much alone right now!
thank you to those who have been praying, I appreciate it, trust me your prayers are working, my family is holding up much better than they would be if no one was praying. Bless you guys!
quick note
Hey folks! Lise finally got herself a new pita!!!!!!!!!! I've changed my link so it will take you to the new pita now, you can all get her addy from there and change your links! Anyway have a good day!
the Relay
Hey folks! Its been a while and a LOT has happened in the last 24 hours (its currently 11:20pm on Tuesday May 27th) I had a crazy day of meetings and organizing and stuff like that. One of the things I did was the Relay for Life stuff! SOOOOOOOOOO to those of you who got my email and to those who didnt but would like to participate (if you didnt get the email I dont have your addy) please let me know within the next 36 or so hours so I can get your packages to you! Quite a few of you are sitting on the fence at the moment, please pick a side! Anyway I shall talk to you all again later, right now I just want some good reading and sleeping! Good night all!
Last performances of high school
Well today was opening night of our dinner theatre plays, it went SOOOO increadibly well! It was honestly the best performances of my life i think! I even got some eye watering going on (of course I was actually laughing, not crying, but meh, whatever it takes eh?) Mom and Dad and Tee and Reuban and Adam were all there and it was really cool to have them all see it! I just wish Jo and Al and Lise and Melis and Tim coulda seen it, they've been big parts of my life, but oh well, maybe they will see me someday! Anyway, it was great and now i'm tired and covered in makeup (ugh! this is why i dont wear makeup the rest of the time, i associate it with extreme amounts!) except that this time I didnt hafta where foundation cause my tan is dark enough! LOL now THATS dark! And me and mallory were the only ones who could do other people's make up (me from Mind over Matter) so i was doing the guys and she was doing the girls and the poor guys, one guy was really brave and good about it, he was like 'just get it over with'.......the next guy was ready to cry, he was so freaked out about having to put makeup on and having me going close to his eyes (i was doing liner and mascara) and the third guy couldnt keep his eyes open and stop from flinching even tho he knew his eyes depended on it! oh well! AND i was supposed to do a costume change while I was talking on a mic backstage and I started to strip and reached for my pants.......and they werent THERE! someone had moved my clothes so I couldnt do anything, I had to stay in my first costume!!!!!!!! GAH! lol oh well! anyway I'm gonna go read or something! Have a great night!
Sports, Worship, and Friends, it just doesnt get any better!
Well I'm home from Pitch & Praise 2003 now! It was a great weekend, i had so much fun! Friday night was nice, seeing everyone all together and meeting people, and being asked to play soccor on the Stratford YN B team! (the A team had already been put together and was totally stacked) Then sat. we had some great sports happening! We played Listowol first, my leg got raked and we tied 1-1...and I stepped on the goalies foot (his own fault) who wasnt wearing shoes! (stupid people playing soccor without shoes!) Then we played Lakeshore (North Bay) and we had a GREAT game, tho the girl in blue was viscious and when she rammed me she got her fist into my shoulder too, as well as kicking people! and we beat them 1-0......then sat night was fun, I saw the improv team show (I actually became pretty good friends with the one (hot) guy, Kyle, from Winnipeg ;)) Then on sunday we played against Elmira, we also won that game 1-0.....then we made it to the semi-finals where we played listowol again and where I got kicked in the stomach (like his leg came up from a kick and went right across my stomach so there was like a line) and that kinda hurt, but i played thru the pain. They won 1-0 and went on to play Stratford A in the finals.........Stratford A won, but barely! There was no scoring in regular time, so they played 5 min overtime, still no scoring so they went to penalty shots, at the end of 5 we were still tied, so they did one more penalty kick for each team and Stratford A won, Rach getting the goal (wooo hooo)
so that night at the end of session i realized i was having trouble breathing so i went to the first aid cabin where they put me on oxygen and I ended up going to the hospital in an ambulance (very cool) and they said at the hospital that when I took that kick in soccor my diaphram and chest wall got bruised and were slightly inflammed, so they gave me anti-inflamation drugs and sent me off, it hurts and its hard to get a full breath, but i'll be ok!
and i made so many new friends, including a guy from Missiauga, who's email i got (he was so fun, i hope to get to know him more). My favorite part of the weekend would hafta be playing soccor and then having two of my team mates coming to Christ :D
The sessions were good, I really REALLY didnt like the Elms, they were kinda horrible.....in fact pretty much no one from Stratford liked them, on monday's session they were playing a song and were like 'everyone put your hands in the air and clap' and EVERYONE in the tent (2043 students) did so, EXCEPT 99% of Stratford! Tim D and tee and lou were clapping, but i think that was mostly cause there was a beat....the rest of us were sitting there with frowns and such! But other than that it was great! Splendor (from The Embassy) were the worship band and Dr. D was a great speaker! THe plays were good too (shut up Carlos!!!! booooooooooooooo) hehehe, great times!
anyway, i'm burnt all to crap and hungary, so i'm going to go now! call me cause i'm open tuesday and wed nights! TTYS!
The day with 25 hours...
God is sooooo increadible!!!!!! Today i needed a bit more time, like another hour or so, so i prayed and prayed and when i got to school at 11:40 this morning i discovered that there had been an assembly and I now had an extra hour of time to hurridly finish my project!!! (i still didnt get it finished, but i got far enough to be fine) I was so extatic about it!!! I was walking down the hall singing 'my God is so BIG' (cute song) so yeah!!!!!!!!! i'm very very excited! and there are so many people going to pitch this year! i'm excited (there are some i'm not so sure i want to hang around with but meh) so yeah! its all good! anyway i gtg finish a test (we were allowed to take it home) and the project for tomorrow! c ya'll later!
long weekend......and i dont mean the may 2-4!
This weekend is turning out to be one of those horribly long weekends, but at the same time its way too short! last night was (i hate to say it) quite boring, i quite enjoyed the dance, but after that i was kinda like yeah...sooooo... oh well, cant have fun all the time now can we??? Today (sat) is pretty bad too, hmwk all morning, work all afternoon and hmwk all evening (thats right, i'm staying in on a sat night, i cant afford time to go out again)..then sunday's gonna be crazy! church, work, hmwk (no yg for me this week i'm afraid).....all this because i have 2 ISU's, 2 tests and 2 presentations to be ready for on monday and tuesday (and I only have 4 classes!!!) so yeah, lots of hmwk........but the good news is that all my major stuff will be done by Pitch so I can just enjoy my weekend! :D it's gonna be great! anyway, I should get back to the hmwk! TTYL
The Ride
Life with God is a rollercoaster, a wild ride of highs and lows. You never know whats coming next, just trusting that there's Someone in control./ You have a choice to ride, a choice to run and hide. Once you're on, you must decide, if you're going to enjoy the ride./ You can scream and flail, and have a blast, or you can shut your eyes and hold on fast./ Jonah was a prophet who was asked to ride, to go to Ninevah and tell the people to repent and be saved, or die in forty days./ Jonah feared the Lord, and wanted Him out of his head. He tried to run, but he could not hide. After three days in a fish, Jonah got on the ride./ He went to Ninevah, but closed his eyes. He gritted his teeth, hung on to the rail, and waited for the ride to end./ Saul was a pharasie, who hated christians. He tried to kill them all. On the road to Damascus, he met our God, from that day on, his name was Paul./ Paul was also asked to ride. He said 'sign me up, I'll give it a try!' He choose to enjoy, flailing his arms as he cried: "My God is an awesome God!"/ And so we learn that this life is a ride. Will you get on? Will you enjoy The Ride?
I cant lose this one...
Well, I thought I was doing ok in school, I wasnt quite caught up in everything, but I was doing ok, getting the major projects done and in....then it all crashed, like so many dreams have........my society ISU written part was due today, with no window....I havent even started it. I hate that class, I dont like the teacher much, i can hardly stand the ciriculum....but I MUST have the credit...if I dont get it then I cant go to Prov, or even Europe, I cant follow where God's been leading me.......I hafta get it....but I screwed up so badly! The project is worth 30% of my final.......there's a presentation, which i hope I'll do well on (i'm usually good at presentations), but I'm afraid it wont be enough cause the marking is so subjective! and my teach is gonna be mad at me for not getting the written part in.........and besides that I hate my topic and I dont even understand what it is that he wanted for the written part (or even the pres for that matter) and its all gone down the crapper! I dont want to do it, and now I cant get those marks and I cant believe i've been so stupid! I thought the due date was in like two weeks! oh God i'm screwed! I cant do this, I cant take it anymore! I hate school and projects and all of it! I just want it to be over, I never want to go back...NEVER....especially not to that class! what am I supposed to do now??? beg him to take it anyway??? not gonna happen, I can guarentee he wont take it now! What happened to me???? I was doing so well as a student! now look, my history isu had everything late except the actual paper, and now I've actually missed the final paper due date! I've lost it....its like i'm back in elementary school when i never did work or payed attention in class....yet somehow I got thru each grade with decent marks......maybe it'll work out yet.....I'll just hafta do extra good from now on, and maybe, just maybe if I get it done for monday, He'll be happier with me (even if it doesnt get marked) and therefore will mark nicer on my presentation...........maybe there's some hope of salvaging this mark, all i need is to pass......God help me!
sorry, so increadibly sorry....
Many of you have heard the gossip about saturday night....if you dont know then I'm surprised/glad....anyway, for those of you who do know, i'm so sorry that I behaved that way, it was totally wrong of me and I should never have done what I did. I'm very sorry for it, can you forgive me? I am trying to do better, but the other night i slipped (big time)....I will keep trying tho and I know that eventually, with Gods help this kind of thing wont happen again. So once again, I am sorry and will be trying even harder now!
Arm Update
For those of you who did not get the email for whatever reason (most likely I dont have your email addy), here's an update on my arm......I went to see the doc finally today, and he says that I may have arthritis in my shoulder (not sure how I managed that one but oh well)....and Stairsy called that one! lol so yeah, I've got some strong advil stuff (like, knock-you-out-for-the-duration-of-the-dose type strong) so maybe that'll help! anyway, i'm not sure how long I'll be out of commission, so I"m gonna keep working on my handwritting! lol, ahwell, at least I get new skills right!?!?! I go on May 6th for an X-ray to see if its that for sure, and if its not then I'm scared cause that will mean its something really serious! I got a bunch of blood work done, the results will be in on monday....and the first arm they tried (my right arm), it started bruising visibly while they were still taking blood! so they switched to my left arm (OOOWWWWW) and it was re-bleeding pretty bad! soo much pain in that arm now! and then I had to work tonight (friday), so I took some tylonol 3....I was high but I was working so its all good! Anyway, i hafta work sat and sun as well so i'm gonna get some sleep! good night and God bless!
slings and tylonol 3's
hey guys, this is gonna be short cause typing with one hand is too hard on me right now.........just to let ya'll know, my easter weekend was absolutly amazing and wonderful! I've been drawn closer to God and am absolutly satisfied in Him. There is, however, a twinge of pain in my weekend (quite physically). On friday morning we left stratford about 5am, and about 5 minutes out my arm started to have a dull pain and I thought maybe I"d just slept on it wrong. But by lunch, there was pain from my wrist up into my shoulder, and movement and touch sent shooting pain into my arm from my shoulder and elbow areas! so at the conference the nurse gave me a sling to get me thru the day and that night I went to the kingston hospital where I was given tylonol 3's so thats kinda crazy. anyway, I"m exhasted from this and I'll tell ya all about my weekend at a later time when it doesnt hurt so much or take so much time! Good night all!
Easter Weekend
Well its finally the easter weekend, I've been looking forward to it! Its the weekend of KingstonBound 2003. The GO! team is doing a conference thinger (running part of it). Thursday night we are in Stratford practicing on the Junior High's. Then we sleep over at the church as we have to be up at 4am and leave at 5am!!!!!! GAH! and we go to Kingston and we do it again there. Then Sat. morning we leave at 9:30 and go to Ottawa where we do it a third time. Sunday we have the morning/early afternoon in Ottawa with an open lunch at Swiss Chalet (to see friends/family, but my family will be in stratford). then its home again with an ETA of 11:00pm. Then on monday is discipleship training for me! its gonna be a great weekend! yay! have a good one folks! see you when I get back!
Home again
Well folks I'm home again! and back online (as tee mentioned). I'd better explain the clogged sink tho! On wed. night (just this past wed.) I was doing the dishes and when I took out the stopper dohicky thinger the water drained a bit then stopped and the sink was clogged so I got my neighbor (the McNamara) over to help and we had the plunger out and everything for like an hour and that didnt work. So the next day my mom came over with 'liquid plumber' and we worked at it for another hour and used the whole bottle and it was STILL clogged! so I left it with cookie sheets and pots covering the sink for all of sat. then sunday I looked into it to see how gross it was and it was GONE! this sink was all unclogged (thanks to those who prayed about it for/with me). so that was good! what else happened....??? oh, I broke the microwave dish (but it was fine cause it was older than me so she'll just replace it), and the cat took a dump on my bed and on my carpet (cant get the stain out of the carpet) and yeah, I was none too impressed! in fact I was down right ticked! but yeah. I absolutly loved living there, my independance and my own life and stuff was so amazing and great and I was so blessed by the experience. But its nice to be home too (my mom put fresh sheets on my bed that had been air freshened yesterday on the clothes line so that will be very nice and I'm looking forward to sleep tonight!) Anyway, please call me at home (my parents house) from now on, if you have Beryl's number just destroy it so you dont bug her on accident! anyway, those fresh sheets are calling so I'm off to bed (wow, my old bed that I havent slept in for weeks!) TTYL!
on my own
hey everyone! long time no entry eh? i just wanted to make sure that the person the last entry was for recieved it and they did so now I can do another entry for you! I'm currently living on my own in the victoria towers (old spanish jail) and it is AWSOME! I love living on my own, no one to answer to, no one to compromise with, its great! but please dont start wishing you were living on your own too, its also hard, theres NO ONE to take care of you when you're sick, no one to cook you a meal when you're working late at night, no one to talk to (except the cat), no one to come home to, etc. The quiet is strange (especially having come from the loud household I did) but the radio is good company. I'm alergic to the cat (luckily my mom knew what to do and got me reactine) but I forgot to take it this morning and my eyes are really really itchy and watery and my nose is totally stuffed up! grrrrrrrrrr oh well! hey! my family might get a cat! yay! ummmmmmm what else is new? school is going well, the real joe was awsome, ummmmm i baked some really good cookies! OH and today I helped with the greatest april fools joke ever! it was so great, and the reaction was amazing! lol oh it was great alright! anyway I gotta head out, i've got upperdeck tonight and I gotta blow my nose again so Have fun everyone going to new york and talk to ya'll when you come back eh?
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I've always wanted to be there, I've always wanted to help you. You wouldn't let me when I wanted to. So I gave up, figuring that I cant help if you dont want me to. Then suddenly you come to me for help. Suddenly I am the only one you can rely on. I didn't know what to do, except to keep loving you. It made life hard, it seems so cruel that when I can you wont, when I cant you will. I'm afraid to want to help you because you might decide you dont need it anymore, and then where am I? Back to square one, thats where. When you didn't need me I was a rock, when you did I was but a pebble. Last time you needed me I was on quicksand, this time I'm on a rock, this time I am a rock and this time I can help. This time I will.
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