This Is My Island

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Message from Tim L.
Hey, this is the latest from Tim, he wanted it passed on to all of you: "There is a great something in the universe. What it is can be hard to tell. The form it takes is ever-changing. Some people call it "God" and give it abilities beyond our comprehension, due to the fact that all we really know about it is that it is something much greater than ourselves. It has been given many powers over the years, and has been attributed for a great many deeds. I do not believe that it is a being, no singular being could ever do so much as this great something does. It is a force that is inside each and every one of us. The rich, the poor, the smart, the dumb as doornails, the loved, the hated. It is more than a being, it is a force that lives inside every person in this world we live in, that takes whatever form we give it. Since it is in every person, its strength is that of the will of 6 billion and growing, which surely is a force beyond our ability to fully comprehend. I do not call it God, for God implies a being. I do not bow down to it, because I myself am a part of it. But, now and forever, I yield to its will, although sometimes that is a difficult thing to do, and a confusing thing to understand --- because it is 6 billion times stronger than I am, and it alone can bring TRUE happiness. Beware though, it alone can break your heart. I call it love. Whether it be love for your mother, father, sister, brother, dog, cat, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, other friend, or sympathy for any one of your fellow men or women that inhabit the Earth, it is love. To all my friends that have been there for me at one time or another in my life in any way, shape or form - I love you with all of my heart, and hope you feel that love too, because it makes you special. I love you." Tim................So yeah, thats his writing (no alterations from me) and Jo I've passed your message on! He also mentioned a phrase that he coined a while ago that is "Life is short, but Love is forever" and he mentioned how this has taken on new meaning for him...in a fit of inspiration (I get those everyonce in a while, thats where inspirational entries come from) I replied with this: In my life God=Love and Love=God (I know you dont agree, but we're talking about MY life here) and so if you sub God in for Love (just like a math equation) you get pretty much the whole Christian concept...........Life is short, but [God] is Forever. For me this means that we're only here for a little time, in the realms of darkness when Satan has a claim on people (I know I sound like i"M preaching but I dont mean to I just want to explain how I feel about it to you) but when one accepts God into their life and decides to follow Him well, life is so much better and seems so much longer in someways! And well I know that eventually my physical body will die (trust me, I"ve had quite a few close calls lately), my spirit will go to be with God and thats gonna last forever! So lots to think on! Good night and God bless

Disgusted!
Hey! If anyone would like to pray for something for me please pray for patience! Once again (three in as many days) there was a fight at school. I didnt see the one on monday however I did manage to get smashed into during the one yesterday and today was involved in breaking it up. I am so thoroughly disgusted with the childish behaviour and immaturity of most of the school! Everyone was like 'fight, fight' and stuff and like 'hey you wanna go B****???" and 'lets take it outside......no its too cold to fight out there" I truly hate it at school! I cant believe how immature they are! I mean even grade 12's were in there! It almost made me sick! THEN I got to drama class and we were told that we aren't doing MacBeth b/c one of our students is now gone from our school for good (can you guess why???) I'm just so annoyed and fed up with the whole system! I really dont want to go back after the Christmas break (heck I dont even want to go back tomorrow!) Hey, maybe I"m too mature! It wouldn't be the first time that someone's said that too me! But wouldn't you be too if you'd had some of the crap I have? I know Tee is! (although for a while she was going the opposite way) I'm sorry that I"m ahead of most of the rest of my school and that it upsets me that they aren't at least closer to where I am but holy jumping cant they grow up just a little bit!!!!! I mean what does it take to get them to stop encouraging fighting or acting all big and tough????? Dont they realize that there is so much more in life than this? Dont they understand that they need to work for what they are going to get???? I cant stand people who dont work for what they want, the people who just expect that 'mommy and daddy will get it for me, they are my parents so they HAVE too'!!!!!!!!!! I mean I have to make my way thru first year all by myself and if I'm successful at that I"ll be doing 2nd year too! Even if my parents had the money they wouldn't help me! ARG those people are the people who aren't going to go very far in life (unless of course mommy and daddy hand over the multi million dollar business, but event that will fail if they dont learn to work to make it work) AAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG Please SOMEONE I want to have a conversation with an ADULT!!!!!! PLEASE! I am considered a 'browner' and 'suck-up' cause I talk to most of my teachers as friends and stuff, but I only do that cause THERE ARE NO REASONABLY MATURE STUDENTS TO TALK TO WHEN MY SMALL GROUP OF FRIENDS ISNT AROUND!!!!!!!!! There are 4 really mature people that I hang out with a lot and the rest of the people are just friends. (not saying that I dont have many friends there, I talk to most of the senior students and lots of the younger students too throughout the day) The only good thing is that it's almost Christmas break, and then I get to go to Winnipeg! I'm extremely restless right now, I want to go......I want to travel, live on my own and LEAVE this place! So yeah, I need some patience before I freak out completely! How can I pray for you?

Tim
Hey all! I got an email from Tim L. today and I'm letting you know whats going on with him! He arrived safely in California where its about 15* (grrrrrr), they are planning to take a bit of a trip over the border to lovely Tijuana this week so he'll let us know how that goes later! Pretty quiet down there.......oh and the AOL down there wont let him open his hotmail so if you're gonna email him dont be surprised or worried if he doesnt respond till he gets back or its full cause he cant check it! So, any messages for him can be left in my gstbk or emailed to me and I"ll be sure to include them for you! TTYL!

DT
Tonight was DT, it was focused on communicating with God and we spent the second half in prayer about different things......home, school, stratford and the world and I gotta say home was the hardest for me, and I know for a couple other people cause two of us at least had some tears (it didnt help that the song was extremely powerful) and yeah so its difficult but I know that I hafta rely on God and He'll take care of the mess that is this home, but I wish that He didnt have to! AGH! There is so much I want to rant about! I want to scream and throw things and cry and laugh and sing and dance all at the same time! There is far too much going on in my head and I really need to go for a long walk to clear it but because its 10:30 or so I"m not allowed to! AGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH Tonight we talked about how its ok to go to God and sit down on his knee and just go "Daddy, WHY???????" and pound your fist on his chest and cry and scream and lament and He will comfort you, and I want to do that in a very real and loud way, but of course cause I cant go for a walk I hafta sit here screaming in type b/c people are already in bed and stuff! What I really need is some music, but I lost most of my cd's (they were in a case) so I'm missing some of my best worship music! grrrrrrrrrrr AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH God! Why? What's going on???? PLEASE free me!!!!!!!! AGH! AGHHAGHASDFHASDGHALRSTAWIPORTY! Tonight I think I'm gonna need some real time with God in His Word so I"m gonna go sit quietly (even tho I'm feeling anything but quiet) with my Bible, goodnight all!

Sadie Hawkins Dance by Relient K
All the girls in the bathroom talkin who they gonna take to the Sadie Hawkins My ears are burnin but I kept on walkin smile on my face and an air guitar rockin.... The Sadie Hawkins Dance in my khaki pants There's nothin better oh oh oh The girls ask the guys it's always a surprise There's nothin better baby do you like my sweater?.... Sittin in the back of my next class nappin gotta give a speech then bow to the clappin Told a funny joke got the whole class laughin think I got a tan from the light which I was baskin.... The Sadie Hawkins Dance in my khaki pants There's nothin better oh oh oh The girls ask the guys it's always a surprise There's nothin better baby do you like my sweater?.... Scan the cafeteria for some good seating I found a good spot by the cheerleaders eating The quarterback asked me if I'd like a beating I said that's one thing I won't be needing And since I'm rather smart and cunning I took off down the next hall running Only to get stopped by a girl so stunning only to get stopped by a girl so stunning?.... She said, "You're smooth, and good with talkin. You go with me to the Sadie Hawkins".... The Sadie Hawkins Dance in my khaki pants There's nothin better oh oh oh The girls ask the guys it's always a surprise There's nothin better baby do you like my sweater?.... The Sadie Hawkins Dance in my khaki pants There's nothin better oh oh oh The girls ask the guys it's always a surprise There's nothin better baby do you like my sweater? Excellent song! check it out! also check out maybe its maybelline!

What was THAT!?!?!
Oh my! So I saw a friend of mine today who almost always asks me to go out for coffee and I almost always agree (he's quite fun) and he's not a Christian........so today I saw him and I kinda ran into his shoulder (typical way of greeting people at my school) and he gave me this really REALLY weird smile and a wink!!!!! I was like WHAT WAS THAT!?!?! So yeah I"m more than a little confused by him now! but since he is not a Christian I will not date him (if thats even his intent) and he knows that! SO I"m extremely confused! Why do guys have to be so strange all the time???? Anyway, I'm having a hmwk night tonight (yeah right) so purhapse I'll phone some people once the major stuff is done! TTYL

Difficulties
Life is hard.....no one ever said life would be fair.....and thats just secular life! When I signed up for this I was not prepared for how truly difficult this life could be! Some of the things that I needed to give up were easy! but some things are increadibly difficult (you know what I mean). And the thought of the persecution that is happening still in places like china is horrible, and the thought that someday it could start happening here is scary! But then I think about all the little blessings in my life and all the blessings I have recieved for giving up what I needed to in order to be closer to God and I just have to praise HIm and thank Him for this life! When I look at the life I used to have (ESPECIALLY grades 6 thru 11) and I look at the life I have now and I've TOTALLY turned around and I can honestly say that I'd rather die and go to Hell than go back to the life I had! It was hard, and this is (if possible) even harder! but its so much better and the rewards are so much greater! I think about what could happen to us if we were in china and I shudder, and its enough to turn a lot of people off! I know if it happened here there would be a lot of christians who wouldn't be christians anymore but I also know that I would not give up Jesus no matter what they did to me or those I love and that thought scares me too cause then its kinda like 'am i brainwashed? am I uncaring? whats going on, how could I feel that way' but then I think about Jesus and all that he's done for me and I realize that I'm not brainwashed and I"m not uncaring, I'm just hardcore and I"m happy with that! SO here's your take home, I want you to think about what could happen to you (read revelations, its scary) and think about what you would do, how much you could stand and figure out if you're hard core, or if you'd crack under the pressure! THEN figure out if you WANT to be hardcore (if you're not) then go do it! IF you decide that you're not hardcore and you dont know if you want to have to deal with that kind of stuff then I suggest a great deal of prayer and talking to some hardcore christians and work this out with you and God..........good luck!

Done
It is done, We have officially split. It was increadibly hard until I did it, then God came flying in and helped so much. Tim's parting remark was 'if there is one, i"ll see you in the next life'..........and God has revealed to me that I will indeed see him there!!!!!!!!!! This is my great comfort. Goodbye, I had a blast and I know now that I will see you again, I loved you and I always will! Enjoy life!

Babysitting college students!
So today (tuesday) me and my dad went to Heritage college (cambrige) for a tour and I dont really wanna go there now! Its like they are babysitting them! If I went there I would lose half the freedom I have now (and arent you supposed to GAIN freedom when you move out?) Like they have room checks once a week (they check your room to make sure you've cleaned up) and there are prizes for the cleanest rooms and punishments if you are living in a sty! Its just like at camp with the 5-10 year olds! Also there are no tv's allowed in the dorm b/c they are a distraction! I'm sorry but we are college students, if we cant make ourselves not watch tv and do our work then we prolly wont last anyway! The prof actually TOOK ATTENDENCE! our teachers always say they wont but this prof did! I couldn't believe it! I mean It was just like high school class, only you're being babysat the rest of the time! Also they have chaple three days of the week (tues, wed, and thurs) and rez students MUST go to all of them all the time, which I dont mind cause I love church BUT i'm not sure that I like being forced to go three days in a row then go to another church every sunday! However Christy goes there (do you remember her from youth tee or is she before you?) So i'm still looking at prov as my top choice and IF they can give me a room in dorm I"ll be getting my plane tickets and going out there January 23rd to 27th so I hope it works cause I really want to go out there and see the school! I'm working on the application right now so I'm gonna try my hardest to get in there cause its really the only one I want to go to now! Anyway thats all I"m saying for now, I'll talk to you guys soon if you call me (good luck actually getting ahold of me, but I'll know you're trying so I can call you) TTYL

Active night
So tonight Tim and I went bowling and I bowled a 123, 98 and 63. Guess who we were bowling beside!?!?! MR. SPROAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (remember the nicknames??) oh man it was neat, I saw him and he saw me and I said Mr. Sproat??? and he said Big Mac???? at the same time!!!! it was so funny so we were talking and stuff and it was cool. Then tim and i went to sids and played pool and I almost won, but he sunk the 8 ball before me! grrrrrrrrrrrr so now I"m still wanting to be active, but no one is home!!!!!!!! (and tim's not into doing anything else) so now I"m bored! :'( ah well, tomorrow is thursday, therefore the week is almost over! Friday is melissa's commencment! way to go melis! congrates! anyway c ya's later!

Blood
So tonight Ray comes online and says 'hey come give blood with me' so I did! It was interesting, I was sooooooooo nervous but everyone was being really nice to me and they were awsome! The lady was talking to me about what I want to be and the machines and stuff, and ray's lady came over and was like 'ray's a little worried about you, how are you doing?' it was funny! and the ladies kept saying, you're doing great, you saved 3 people, you're just slow cause your veins are small...etc. So yeah, it was cool, I can go back just before the drive in january so I prolly will now that I've done it! So yeah, I"m happy :D

S'up?
Some of you know whats going on with me and in my life right now, some of you dont. I dont feel like divulging anything b/c I"m too drained (or 'spent' as Al loves) for it all. So, how can I pray for you?

Homework
Dont you just love it when you get to school and someone asks you about a project that you think is due in a week and then discover that it is actually due TOMORROW MORNING!?!?!?! yeah, so thats why i've been working pretty much non-stop since 3:45 this afternoon to get this report done! Its almost done, I just have to figure out how this poem conforms to the romantic style! ARG oh well, I got the rest done. After that I think I"ll do some law hmwk (I'm so far behind in that class, I havent been there for like three straight days now) and then I'll try and catch up on finite! sounds like a fun night eh? meh, Tim's in a hang-out-with-the-guys mood which translates into I-dont-want-to-hang-out-with-you. Ah well, it just reminds me that I am in fact dating a typical male and as such cannot expect reasonable, courteous, or particularily thoughtful behaviour all the time..........tho I gotta say Tim is really awsome and does a lot of great things for me and I do love him, guys night out and all! Anyway I should continue on with my hmwk, I shall see you all again someday!

Todays Bible Verse

"For I have hidden Your Word in my heart so that I might not sin against You." Psalm 119:11(NLT)

Bible Chapter of the Week:

Genesis 6

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I've always wanted to be there, I've always wanted to help you. You wouldn't let me when I wanted to. So I gave up, figuring that I cant help if you dont want me to. Then suddenly you come to me for help. Suddenly I am the only one you can rely on. I didn't know what to do, except to keep loving you. It made life hard, it seems so cruel that when I can you wont, when I cant you will. I'm afraid to want to help you because you might decide you dont need it anymore, and then where am I? Back to square one, thats where. When you didn't need me I was a rock, when you did I was but a pebble. Last time you needed me I was on quicksand, this time I'm on a rock, this time I am a rock and this time I can help. This time I will.