This Is My Island

Thought For The Day

"Why is it that you're right beside me, yet I feel totally alone?"

Shell is feeling

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Surprise!
last night my aunt and I got to my house at the same time and she pulled into the drive way and I parked on the street fully intending to pull the car in when she left. This morning I woke up to a parking ticket for leaving the car on the street over night! Yeah, so I was like 'oh no!!!! the car!!!!' but yeah. SO I did a bunch of running around today, and got a new shirt :D it's tres cool! Then I helped with VBS and it was good....then Crystal, Jess, Al and I went out for coffee but Crystal and Jess had to be home early so me and al hung out and it was great. And now I'm sitting here at the comp writting an entry for people who arent even here. Oh well, I'll see yas on wed at ultimate I'm sure! Anyway, peace out

Morning!
Gooooooddddd morning folks :D its shelley here at 9:40am I have been up for way too many hours and I'm hyper :D woooo hooooo! I finally got to sleep last night around 3:30 am and was back up....fully awake right at 8:01 this morning. Some of the best 4 1/2 hours of sleep I've ever gotten YAY. anyway, so then I showered, took the seats out of the van, scrubed grimmy chairs and totally loaded up the van by 9:36 this morning. wow I"m good. and now i'm must sitting here waiting till its 11am so I can meet up with Bekah and Jen to do the food shopping for wildwood...yes thats right its wildwood today :D I'm very very excited :D I'm also really nervous about leading....I'm not as knowledgable, or developed in my gifts as most everyone else so its intimidating to lead further advanced people.....but as Joshua 1:5-9 reminds me....God is with me in all I do for the Kingdom so I should be courageous and brave and just LEAD. (paraphrased of course)......but yeah...it should go over fairly well I think. AND I got a keyboard at the very very last minute (God works that way too often i think, I'm gonna be totally grey by the time I'm 20 if He keeps this up) ANYWAY, Murphe had one (thanks murphe) and he loaned it to me.....but the 'e' key doesnt work apparently (this is what he tells me)..........but I tried it this morning and it was working beautifully along with the rest of the keys :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D yet another miracle in this (so far) great month! wow, I cant believe there's only 3 weeks of summer left AHAHAHAHAHAHA! oh well, i'm not going anywhere so its not a big deal. OH and Europe has some interesting new plans/ideas....but Tee has to hear first cause she was the most upset with me leaving for so long! YAY, she's gonna be gleeful! ANYWAY....I should eat some breakfast and not bore all of you with chattering pita entries! (if you want fluff, come here, if you want deep go anywhere else, I dont want to put my deep feelings out there where even my greatest friends (thats right, I mean YOU) can read them...if you want my deep feelings you can see them in person) ANYWAY, have a great day!!!!! see ya later

Sleepless in Stratford
So its 1:24am and I'm more than wide awake...again....and I will be for a long period of time.....two, maybe three days...eventually I'll crash, but not tonight. Maybe I'll play a game by myself, or watch a movie...or clean, that would be a nice surprise for momma. Oh yes, I go thru this every night. I looked up insomnia once on the net (on a night much like tonight) and I fit all the symptoms, but none of the causes, which makes me wonder if I AM an insomniac, or whether I"m borderline....or if there's something else wrong entirely....but I dont fit in at all with any of the other sleep disorders. grrrr. oh well...tomorrow is wildwood so thats exciting, and it should be fun :D anyway, since you're all asleep right now (except Al, yay) I'm gonna stop rambling! love!

Canada's Wonderland
Hey folks! Well today we (youthnet) took the junior highs to wonderland and it was great. It ended up being Me, Andrea, Andrew and Abbey all day, we had so much fun and went on lots of stuff. Sometimes Henri was with us too....it was GREAT! I got to meet and bond with lots of new kids, so yeah. It was AWSOME! but now I feel sick from the food, so I'm gonna go sleep it off. G'night

Time out
Well monday was a great day for me. I babysat the Kowch kids (wonderful children) till about 4:15, then hurried to work only to find out I didnt have to work :D So that was nice, I had a nice evening at home. Then tuesday was fun, we went shopping and then saw Lara Croft Tomb Raider (pretty good movie). So yeah, things are good right now, I"m pretty happy. Europe is a maybe right now, there is another trip happening while I"m supposed to be gone, and a job that I may get that starts a little before I planned to come back, so I think maybe Europe will switch to the spring....so if anyone would like to consider going in the spring please talk to me. Anyway, I"m gonna go put my Sheg pictures in a book! TTYL

A Stir
well it would seem that my last entry made someone very angry. I'm sorry that I hurt you, and caused you such pain that you would be so angry with me. I'm sorry for whatever I did to you....and I'm sorry but I'm not sure who you are. I dont immediately recognize the writting style, and I've hurt more than one person I'm sure, so my apologies to whomever wrote that gstbk entry.

Today was Love Stratford and M&M's....love stratford was great, lots of people accepted the pop and we gave it all away....and then at M&M's I gave the message and it went ok, and we watched cool runnings and it was fun....then some of us went to crabby joes and that was cool too. Tomorrow I babysit and work, so i'm gone all day...but purhaps i'll see people on tuesday. Have a good night all.

Hello
Hello???? is there anyone out there?? If you are out there, are you aware of my existance? do you still consider me a friend???? if so then why the heck wont you show it??? Being away was so great, I didnt think about the crap back here, I didnt feel lonely, I was surrounded by people who love me and became close friends with all of them.....then I come back here and it like no one really loves me or cares at all whether I'm here or not, I'm lonely, and I feel like I only have one friend, and she's sick. I'm sorry but if you dont want me around then just say so and I"ll go amuse myself in the corner and not bug you anymore. If you dont say anything then I'm just gonna keep buzzing around then edges, annoying you to no end. It does no one any good to have it like this, I'm frustrated, you're annoyed and it sucks. Just tell me you dont wanna be friends anymore and that will be enough! Screw this! Friendship goes both ways folks, I'm trying to make it work, but you gotta do stuff too, I'm not going to carry the whole friendship on my own. Screw it, it doesnt matter, I'm not even gonna bother, no ones listening anyway

Sheguiandah
Hey folks! I'm home again. I had the most amazing week ever! The first night was crazy, there were 5 girls in the tent and we talked till 1am and then there was the snoring, first it was nate really loudly, then henri also loud, and then tyson started talking in his sleep, then I couldnt get to sleep so I was up till about 2am wandering on the beach (we had our sites on the beach front) then at 3am I was finally getting to sleep when the thunder started! The lightning was blinding (like truly blinding) and the thunder made the ground vibrate!!! it was so crazy! Then that ended around 5am and we all got back up at 7ish, it was insane! Then when we got up everything inside the tent was soaked so we had to get a tarp and yeah, it was crazy. And I was working with the youth so that was sooooooooo much fun and we did cool stuff like horseback riding and hiking at the Cup & Saucer (way cool view from the top) And things were crazy with the youth but they were catching the messages and it was cool....and yeah, it was just such an amazing experience, and another group was camped beside us and they were from Illinos and it was cool and we played CND vs USA ultimate frizbee and USA won, but only by one point, it was cool. And the owners of the camp ground made us pies! and they were so good! But there are some truly horrible things going on up there....abuse is the norm and its just sickening what those kids are going thru! You always hear on the news about how bad natives have it, but think they're exageratting..........they're not. it is that bad, maybe even worse. I cried over a few kids this week, so did others. They need us so badly, they need hope....they're a hard mature, and far beyond their years, its so horrible. But yeah, if you wanna hear more then call me tomorrow before dinner! and dont forget Love Stratford is on Sunday at 2pm! Love 'n such

Life
Well the past little while has been strange to say the least! The weekend was dull, working all weekend and such. except for sat night, it was my aunt and uncles 25th and tee came to the party as my date and we did have a great deal of fun! but friday and sunday were not the best days ever...Monday however was great, it was our first youth event as a team (the leadership team) and we think it went over well....luckily the only injury was me :D (isnt it always tho??) and I got to chat with Tim D for a bit about the different things going on (Leadership, and Sheguiandah, etc) and he made a comment that made me think...he said "Wow, you're practically doing a youth internship this summer!" and I was like 'yeah i am, but i'm also working at another job....I cant wait until it is my only job to work with youth and such! Sheguiandah is coming up and i'm excited about it, I'm really praying for God to work during this week....could those of you who pray please pray for safety and that we would all learn this week?? thanks....on tuesday I was at Kerrys with others and we had a great time and a few of us stayed over...I couldnt sleep, I went to sleep around 5am and laura woke me up at 11:30, its the most sleep I'd gotten in about a week. I'm not sleeping well, if at all and its not good...i need to sleep and to figure out why im' not sleeping so it can be fixed! And i'm worried about people, so many have been lain on my heart and yet i feel helpless to reach them! I dont know the words to say or the wisdom of when to say them. I'm sorry that I cannot help more, that I dont even know how to help you....all I can do is remain open and pray for the wisdom and for you.......i love all of you

long time no chat!
Wow, sorry its been so long guys! For someone whos not in school anymore I seem to be just as busy with stuff as before! So as i mentioned in my last entry I had hopes that the week would be better than the weekend, and so far so good! I've been fairly productive in getting various things done (ie monicas book, which I just finished with) and life is feeling good. I got my report card and my final average made me jump for joy (literally, me and mom were jumping and screaming just like in the movies) so that was exciting......my mom is so proud of me (finally), and I bought some cool pics and frames from the goodwill so i'm pretty happy about that (i've actually got quite a collection going) SO yeah, things are alright! I'm ready for the weekend and hopefully it'll be a better weekend than last time. OH and Sheguiandah is in 8 days!!!!!!!!! woooooooo hoooooooooo its gonna be great! Anyway, see everyone later! (maybe we can do something this weekend?)

its not over yet
ever have one of those weekends where things just keep getting worse and then you think, well the week will be better, it'll be ok, then realize that the weekend isnt over yet!?!?! yeah thats been my experience this weekend. first of all i hafta work the whole weekend, which sucks (friday thru tuesday)....and friday night was the thing at al's and sat was at kendras and thats cool but yeah....never mind. So today i have work and 2xL so hopefully things wont be too bad today. I'm not looking forward to monday either...but thats another story.

Weekend fun!
Hello folks! Oh man, what a great weekend! ON friday was some great fun with Lise, Ray and Kyle (yay for massages...the couch is making a BAD sound....there's something moving in Ray's back! eww thats gross!) Then sat was fun, except i kinda dont remember what I did! I just know I didnt work! lol Then sunday, 2xl was AMAZING! jamming was great, I'm soo excited about that! then off to mc chuck and pukes (tee, the yearbook! lol) then I was hyper and ended up on the net for a long time having hyperness with my friends and connor! then today I had a meeting then I got called into work really early (i got home at 12:10, started work at 12:30) then worked till 9 then went to baseball and it was me, Lise, Al, Emma, April, and Linda! ANd all i've eaten today was a box of Vegtable thins (i have no money and its all i grabbed out of the cupboard on the way out) so yeah! and tomorrow is Canada DAy! yay! see many of you at Kerry's!!! by for now!

well now that THAT'S over
Well that little crisis is mostly over now (which is good cause I know you guys get sick of me complaining and I hate to bother anyone with that stuff) I'm all good as far as beliefs and being back in my right mind again, I'm no longer 'lost in my own mind' as i think I put it! There's still some not so great stuff, stuff that only time and distance can heal so hopefully soon things will start to heal and get better and life will be good again! I memorized a new verse its Romans 8:39 "whether you are high above the sky or below the deepest ocean, nothing can seperate us from the love of God which is revealed to us through Christ Jesus our lord." (NLT) It got me thru the biggest problem I was having and now I"m doing alright again and I'm happy! Anyway, c ya'll later!

How could I have lost You?
Things are currently totally messed up in my life right now. Some things have gotten better because I've been able to communicate some of my feelings and thoughts to someone who needed to know. But others are impossible to resolve by talking because it takes TWO people to communicate, but only one of us is willing! And the worst part is that I'm inserting myself into an equation in which I do not belong, but I cant seem to stop myself and one side isnt exactly keeping me out of it either! And to compress all of this I'm struggling with a few other things so much that I'm feeling crushed by them and I dont really know what to do or where to turn anymore. I'm lost within my own mind, its no longer clear, and I dont know where I want to go anymore! Things changed in a moment it seems, yet its been building for a while....this weekend only served to bring it to the fore. Tee sat and talked with me for a long time, she listened and talked and I felt better, but I"m still confused. Jo talked to me too, she listened and gave advice, but I havent told her all so the advice doesnt quite fit. I dont know who to turn to, there is a problem with each person to whom I can/would turn and its got me thinking too much. I need outlets to get thru things and this is a HUGE things that I have no outlets for! When I think about it without having someone to talk it out with I just keep spinning it around and around in my head and gets me no where! GAH, i'm going insane. I cannot wait to leave this place, there are just too many wound here that cannot heal because we keep heaping salt into them.......time and distance will eventually heal these things I hope, but right now we do not have the distance. I dont know what to do, I cannot stay like this, I"ll just destroy my mind, go insane and no one will know because I"ll continue on the way I have been because I've made commitments and I'm 'reliable' and I cannot bring myself to disappoint people on purpose. I cannot let them down and I cannot show them these weaknesses in me! I'm crying out, but I dont feel an answer........why doesnt He answer???

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I've always wanted to be there, I've always wanted to help you. You wouldn't let me when I wanted to. So I gave up, figuring that I cant help if you dont want me to. Then suddenly you come to me for help. Suddenly I am the only one you can rely on. I didn't know what to do, except to keep loving you. It made life hard, it seems so cruel that when I can you wont, when I cant you will. I'm afraid to want to help you because you might decide you dont need it anymore, and then where am I? Back to square one, thats where. When you didn't need me I was a rock, when you did I was but a pebble. Last time you needed me I was on quicksand, this time I'm on a rock, this time I am a rock and this time I can help. This time I will.