This Is My Island

Thought For The Day

What would I do if I didnt have You?

Shell is feeling

tee
Ray
Jo
Melis
Al
Jon
Lise
Crystal
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the chain
woooooooooo hoooooooooooo the chain is broken!!!!! I am happy to report that at this time there are no deaths to my knowledge to report!!!! That is a truly exciting thing! So I'm told things are in an uproar, people are fighting and angry and hurt and friendships are being ended. I personally wasnt aware that we had reached "uproar' stage yet, but it seems we're there. I feel so disconnected because I find things out, or read emails, or pitas long after they have been written and I know how someone WAS feeling but dont know how to respond because I dont know how they are currently feeling. It makes life difficult. I hated it when everyone was preparing to leave last summer and there was all this "call me, write me, email me, we'll chat, I'll see you often...etc" going on because I'd already been through having a lot of my friends go to school while I stayed here and I knew it wasnt going to be like that. Apparently I'm the only one who did know that (not that I"m blaming anyone for not knowing) and so I"m the only one who already knew that no, we wont talk often, and no we wont see each other, or chat all the time about nothing. When we leave we SHOULD have said, 'good luck, have fun, i'll talk to you in a few weeks, or a month or so and when we do talk, fill me in on the big important stuff because I wont have time to hear every detail, I'll think about you often, and pray for you, but I wont be in communication for a while...jsut know that I love you and until I tell you otherwise, I will always love you." So many times in life unrealistic expectations are created and placed upon people. an example: I expected that everyone would realize that we wouldnt talk all that often while they were away, and that I still loved them even when we hadn't talked in a month or more. It was unfair of me to expect you to know that i love you without me saying it. another example: I expected that everyone would be ok with the situation previously stated. I'm sure that everyone who reads this can add an example of something they expected that was unrealistic given that we are talking about people here and in all equations, people are the unpredictable factor. So friendships got messed up because of unreal expectations and assumptions about how everyone else was feeling and expecting. I assumed that things would be fine because they were the year before when I went through having my NWSS friends head out to college. But I forgot that every person and every friendship and every situation is different and just because something happened a certain way once doesnt mean it will happen that way again...I believe there is a movie that refers to the chaos theory and it is along those lines. But anyway, when I started this entry I had another purpose in mind... on Sat I went to T.O. to a leader conference and it was so increadible! I learned about media and sex, drugs, suicide, and violence in the media....did you know that EVERY single teen movie that comes out now mentions anal sex? disgusting really. and at the end of the day a guy named Duffy Robins was talking and he's really good (I'd recommend seeing him) anyway he was talking about this email that one of his former students had sent him the day after sept. 11 who is now a youth minister and it was a list of 10 things that they didnt cover in school that he had encountered in 'real world' ministry. and he read this list which included things like "what do you do when you're on a missions trip and one of your girls tells you her moms boyfriend that lives there has sexually abused her..." and "what do you do when you find out one of your youth leaders is pregnant, BY ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR YOUTH LEADERS???" and it terrified me... I mean I've been called into youth ministry and I have to deal with situations like that!?!?! I'm not capable of that kind of thing! so now I'm absolutly terrifed, but I know that its where God wants me and that He will do the work through me and will always be with me and I just have to trust Him so thats what I"m doing....trusting. Anyway, I really must go. I love you all and hopefully I'm talking to everyone while they are home and everything gets sorted out.

and again
well I had hoped to end the streak of tragidy related updates but it seems to plague me!!!!! As some of you may know Tiffany Parkins died recently. She had a seizure in her sleep and choked. (she is Krystal parkins sister for those of you who remember Krystal from Juliet, hung out with Caitlin Haldain a lot) anyway, that was a particularily tough death as Linda and I had both known her fairly well. And it makes 20 "close deaths" in my life. I'm averaging more than one a year. So thats a depressing thought! on to happier things....we ended up getting pets! Tee and Linda got fish without consulting me and I got angry (cause I hate fish and I wasnt consulted) anyway, we went to the pet store cause theirs died within 4 hours of purchase and while we were there I was like "hey can I get a bird?" and they said yes mainly to pacify me about the fish so I ended up getting a budgie!!!!!!! She's 2 months old and blue and her name is Andy. She is very extroverted and chatters a lot. The second day we had her she was already eating out of my hand and allowing me to pet her! then something spooked her and she wont do that anymore. I dunno, its crazy. But yeah. "Next Topic" So I have a crush on one guy but I dont think any thing is likely to happen with that...then this other guy comes along and I kinda like him too...and there is definately a chance there cause I think we hooked up but I"m not entirely sure where that whole thing stands just at the moment. Anyway, so I"m not sure what to do because Mr. A (the one I like but have no chance with) fits my standards better than Mr. B (the one I"m not sure where we stand) but I have a better chance with Mr. B, but its not fair to Mr. B if I date him while still really crushing on Mr. A soooo I asked a few people their opinion and so far the response has unanimously been go for Mr. A for various reasons. So yeah, more on that as it develops. So yeah, thats about all for my life right now. Hopefully we'll be talking to people again soon with reading weeks coming up! (man I miss the internet!) TTYL

Life
It seems to be that I only update this when tragedy strikes. Its depressing that I'm currently continuing the established pattern with this update. As some of you may know, Bradley Jackson's mother, Sandy, passed away this past saturday (the 6th). The funeral was today. I talked to him yesterday and he seems to be holding up alright, but I also think he's still in shock. Poor guy, I cant even imaging how tough that must be. Please keep him in your prayers. In case you were wondering what pattern I mean, I just realized that I didnt update for the last few deaths. In the fall, there were 4 deaths in 3 months... Linda's grandma, Al's grandma, Chanie, and my uncle. It hasnt been long enough since those for this but I guess everyone will cope...and I wasnt close to all of them (ie al/lindas grandmas) so its not too stressful, but I still ache when my friends are hurting and/or there is death. So lets pray for a less tradgic year.

Fixed
Hey all! I finally got my gstbk fixed up! I dunno why it disappeared but its back and kicking! Anyway, not much is new with me (again I"m at my parents) Tomorrow is the GT staff christmas party (should be interesting judging by the stories from last year) So yeah. THats about all. OH Real Joe is on the 20th, you all better be there! Good times, foozball's prolly the best part (right tee??? ;) ) ANYWAY I"m gonna get going, momma and I are going Christmas shopping (hmmmmmmmmmmmm now everyones minds are spinning with the endless possibilities) j/k. ANyway, before I confuzzle ya'll more I"m just gonna go! bye

all by myself...
Hello! its been quite a while since I updated this thinger! I'm just at my parents house doing laundry right now and I have a bit of time between loads so I came on here!!!!!!!! Anyway.....not much is really new with me...I just eat, sleep, work, and ride the bus (it takes an hour to get from home to work). The bills are coming in.......i almost cried when the first one arrived cause of the set up fees and everything so it was HUGE. oh well. Its pretty great being out on my own now....me and my family get along really really well now, so thats great....at home, we've have only had one, maybe two fights.......and one was about who WOULDNT do the dishes.......see its my job, but linda was doing them and I told her to stop and she told me that she was going to do them and I could just relax...it was funny...........then later her mom was telling me never EVER to tell her she couldnt do the dishes cause its such a rare occurance ;) it was hilarious! And last night we got a bookshelf........its so wonderful, I finally got down to only 3 boxes left :D So ya, thats about all I can think of right now.....see everyone at Christmas (its in 34 days you know) btw, we're hosting a Christmas dinner, but we dont know when yet so we'll get back to ya'll about that later! G'night

New place
Today was a pretty good day! Well, last night too. I worked till 9 (didnt get to hand out candy :( ) but then I went to lindas and we watched hocus pocus (great movie, fun tradition)...then I slept over at tee's but we just shared her bed (cause we were too tired/lasy to make a bed on the floor) and I was awake most of the night tossing and turning, which kept her up too so that was bad. Then we got up in the morning and went to butcher the deer! It was sooooooooooooo cool and sooooooooooooo much fun! I'd love to do it again. and we had deer-kabobs! thats right, we ate bambi's dad! It was delicious. Then we went to the house (btw, its apartment C) and cleaned and that was good except the rags were bad and they were streaking and my windows looked bad :'( anyway, then melis came over and helped too and then linda got there and tee, linda, and mel went for food and I finished the floors. Then we had our first supper together (very exciting) but sometime after we started cleaning I got a massive headache and just wanted to sleep/cry/crawl into a hole. Anyway, now I"m home and still feeling crappy so I'm gonna finish what I have to do and going to bed! g'night folks.

And a new chapter unfolds!
As many of you know by now, we got a place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its a four-plex, two years old, very very nice...Its very very exciting! We were screaming and jumping and such as soon as I got off the phone with the landlord!!!!! So we get the keys on friday, we're cleaning on sat and moving sometime next week (we'll know when I get my schedule from work). So yeah, very fast but very very exciting! Also, for those who are doing Christmas dinner, we'd like to offer our place for dinner and/or after party, but we cannot have loud parties as sound carries downstairs to a mom and her daughter so we dont want to bother them.........also if we make TOO much noice we get kicked out so yeah....but I'm sure one get together would be fine, we'll just ask the neighbors first! :D so yeah, this thing wont see much action after we move, but I"ll be online at least once a week to check emails and stuff and I"ll prolly update then! Good night and God bless!

funeral
Well Chanie's funeral was today. It was really really hard. I went thru 2.5 things of kleenex! There was an hour of visitation beforehand (since I had to work last night I went to it today) and Jamie and Melis hugged me and i got watery while talking to Wally, Roxy made me cry and so did Chad. I feel so bad for him. Then the service was a good one, but man was it hard....there were no dry eyes, even the pastor started crying when Walley got up there to talk....it was so hard. then at the grave it was bloody cold, and still very emotional. Then i had to go lead a meeting right after, that was hard cause my head is still muddled but we got thru it, and belly dancing was alright, but my heart just wasnt in it tonight. Anyway, i'm exhasted, my eyes are all dried out and scrachy still, and I hafta work in the morning so I bid you all good night, and I shall see you anon.

grueling week/end
Well most if not all of you know whats going on but I"m gonna write about it anyway. There were many deaths this weekend, a murder, and two car accidents. Its so harsh, and overbearing and stressful. It feels like it should be friday, but its not...its only tuesday, and we havent even gotten to the funeral (s) yet. I still cant believe he's really gone, i keep thinking that its some big joke, or we have the wrong person and someones gonna call and say its all ok...it was just a mistake........but its not. he's gone. Last night I kept dreaming about it....tee tells me I was crying in my sleep....not a very restful sleep. Anyway, tomorrow's gonna be hard, i've got kleenex in my purse, my car, everywhere, hopefully I dont run out. Anyway, good night and *HUG

Manitoulin Island
Hey folks! well its 11:12pm sat night and i"m supposed to be on manitoulin island still, and coming home tomorrow. Obviously thats not where I am. I'm at home with no luggage. Let me start from the beginning! This weekend was the trip up to Sheguiandah (remember I went there this past july for a week) we went up friday night and stayed at the Stewarts cabin near Tobermory. It was frickin cold when we got there. I wrapped myself in my winter sleeping bag and wouldnt move from the fire place till it got warm. We fit 14 people into a place with 4 bedrooms. one family got the one with bunk beds and a dbl bed. Tim and Mo were in one room, me and ev got a room with a bed and a cot (i was on the cot) and sharron and grant were in the other bedroom. Henri, John, Andrew, and Nate slept downstairs on the floor and couch. I was just starting to get ready for bed (after everyone else was in bed except the boys downstairs) and the power went out. So that was fun. Sat morning started at 6am I got up at 6:55am and we were out and running by 7:10 (good times) On the way we discovered there had been some confusion about when I was coming home....they thought I was coming home sat night and I thought I was going home sunday afternoon. I was in Tim & Mo's car (there was no room in the other vehicles coming back tomorrow) and they had been thinking they'd take off for the night just the two of them on the island and then head it home tomorrow. I didnt want to tag along so I was like 'ok, I"ll come home sat with Henri" that was fine. So we got to the ferry, and it had been horrendous weather on friday and none of the ferry's had run because of 25 foot waves (the first ferry tried but got half way out and spent an hour trying to turn around and finally made it back to port) so we were a little worried. But the ferry ran, tho it was rocky and most people came out feeling a bit sick (I had a headache). We got to Sheg and the band office wasnt open yet so we took a team photo. We finally got to start our program and the youth club (me, tim and henri are the leaders) were going to Espanola for lunch and we were supposed to leave at 12:30 so we'd beat the swinging bridge in Little Current for sure (it swings every hour on the hour). So we left at 12:50 and me and beth were in the back of henri's van and I went to do up my seat belt and realized that the seats were in the wrong way (its a bench seat in two parts and the right side was on the left, and vise versa) so we were like 'meh, no seatbelts'. Then we get to little current and there's a seat belt checking going on (like RIDE but for seat belts) we we're like 'oh crap' and ended up sitting on the belts. (I later figured out how to get it done up, but it required wrapping the belt all the way around me). So we got delayed by like 45 seconds. we got the the bridge just as the arm came down.. So we waited for about 10 minutes while it did its swinging thing. That was fun. Then we went to Espanola and got McDonalds, Subway and KFC and came right back cause we had to leave at 3:45 to catch the ferry. Henri's van got WAY ahead of Tim's car and my stuff was in Tim's car. We got there at 3:50 and waited till 3:55 but we couldn't wait any longer so I left without my stuff (purse and everything). We were gonna be late for the ferry (loading was at 3:30 and the place is 35 minutes away) so we did about 140kmh until we hit manitowaning where there were 3 police cars in a parking lot. So we slowed down to 75 (limit 50) then speed up again to 150. (we also passed an undercover car but we were down to like 120 by then so he let us go). Then just coming into South Bay Mouth (at 3:20) we see all these cars coming towards us cause the boat was already unloading. THEN we got stuck behind a car doing 70 (the speed limit) THEN this guy wants to turn left with all these cars from the ferry coming in the other direction!!!! Luckily he got turned pretty quickly. We got to the ticket booth, paid and drove straight onto the ferry (very last car on). Two more minutes and we would have had to drive around (7-9 hour drive). SOOOOOOOOO we were pretty thankful we got on the ferry. But it was fun. So now I have a day where I"m not working so I can do whatever :D but I have none of my stuff, not my purse, or my book, or anything! but thats coming home tomorrow afternoon with Tim and Mo. Good times! Anyway, see you all on Thanksgiving (I can tell you more then if you like) TTYL

sick
as you can all see I archived and am currently updating! So lots is new here. THings are not going so well with the apartment searching. So hopefully we'll find something cause I"m afraid we hafta give up at november. :( Also, amazing job opportunity in mitchell, I'm gonna try for it and we'll see where that goes...I'll tell you about it if I get it! I'm currently sick with no book to read so that sucks...I'm thinking of an early bed time tonight (its 11:30 currently). When I was deciding what to do about school earlier this year I was hesitant to take a year off cause I was afraid that if I did, I wouldnt go back....well I dont want to go back. Tee and my parents and many people named 'tim' will kill me if I dont, but I'd rather take this job and just make a career out of it now. So thats kinda really bad. but oh well. Tee and I started in a new small group doing a cool bible study, I"m really excited for that! anywya, I"m terribly sick and must work tomorrow so I need sleep! g'night all!

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I've always wanted to be there, I've always wanted to help you. You wouldn't let me when I wanted to. So I gave up, figuring that I cant help if you dont want me to. Then suddenly you come to me for help. Suddenly I am the only one you can rely on. I didn't know what to do, except to keep loving you. It made life hard, it seems so cruel that when I can you wont, when I cant you will. I'm afraid to want to help you because you might decide you dont need it anymore, and then where am I? Back to square one, thats where. When you didn't need me I was a rock, when you did I was but a pebble. Last time you needed me I was on quicksand, this time I'm on a rock, this time I am a rock and this time I can help. This time I will.