>>   Saturday, December 16, 2000 05:03 p.m.
web: Mars Hill Fellowship
being differentiated.. to be settled enough in one's own identity gives a lot more mileage for relational energy and satisfaction than to mope around or using other tactics to surface the issues and feeling the dissatisfaction of how a relationship is not going, be it too shallow or disengaging.. to look at Jesus' wisdom, to love your neighbor as yourself, does presuppose and assume the individual's innate ability to care for oneself.. for the people that do not care for themselves, and indulge in expensive and/or destructive habits, that's not much more than sabotage and an endless spiral

>>   Friday, December 1, 2000 10:18 p.m.
web: American Bible Society
passion vs. longing.. my thought recently hone in on this comparison and contrast, as I'm sorting through my own thoughts and desires... it's mostly been recently that i've entertained the question of what I want.. for the most part of my life, it's been a matter of being a responsible person, not so much dutiful or responsible, but doing things that were my responsibility, and for many parts of it, playing safe with decisions and commitments and such.. where does one find the courage and boldness to do things, if not from within b/c of an innate personality of drivenness, competition, or dominant ego.. some semblence of courage can perhaps be found in faith in a higher power, or God.. but my ongoing conclusion at this moment is that this thing called "courage" is found in PASSION, generating energy and energizing the person because it is something one is gifted to do, something that makes a contribution to the greater good, something that is enjoyable, something that one would do whether paid or not, something that one thinks about, and is upon one's heart.. it shows up in conversations, it comes up in the context of relationships, and it's the section of the bookstore where you gravitate towards.. not just as a filler to pass the time, like banal entertainment mostly is.. and where the synergy happens is when one's passion converges with one's gifts, abilities, and profession, so that one can be paid for what one does the best, in his skills and desires..

now where longing differs, is that longing is a deep-seated desire to receive something for oneself, to gain something that one wants, not to do something, but to receive something, as if one deserves it.. where that puts me, well, my longing is be accepted for who i am, to feel the sense of belonging, to be in conversation and dialogue with people who will listen, and embrace my story, my thoughts, my ideas, my feelings.. i don't know know when/if that part of me, where i live, will be touched in this way that my longing would be fulfilled.. while longing will be unmet, passion is for a bigger part being met for me, as i've gone through 2 job transitions in the past 2 months, and now am doing 2 areas of my passion, networking, ministry, and technology.. it's unconventional, to work 2 part-time jobs, but it's very me, to not fit in the box.. to be multitasking.. and to be energized in this way.. the beauty of this is God's gracious hand, for it was nothing I could have arranged or setup.. God orchestrated it all..

>>   Saturday, November 25, 2000 06:13 p.m.
web: useit.com: usable information technology
Thanksgiving weekend brings family together for a big meal (ours was at a new Chinese buffet place at Fairfax Circle), lots of shopping congestion (I stayed home to hang out with my son), and maybe a few more hits on the web site (more leisure time for those on break from school).. this coming week I'll be starting a new job, and ending my current one; still doing web development, and now onto a position that will [hopefully] give me more room to explore and develop the potential of the Internet, beyond a publishing or broadcasting tool, but more of an interactive and collaborative tool.. for me, things are mostly stable, and i'll check in here with ya when something else exciting or extraordinary happens :)

>>   Thursday, November 9, 2000 07:39 p.m.
web: walmart.com
"live as if there were no secrets" was a quote I heard on the radio, talkin' about how we should live, to avoid sin, to have skeleton in the closet; I'd radicalize it and say "live with no secrets", along with my open book concept, not so much to broadcast my life and thoughts (cf. Truman Show or reality-tv), but to live in the open, throw away the masks, stop the maneuvering, and be all there.. for too long (and it's even a tendency that creeps back too often), i've lived unsure of myself and tentative in my actions.. it's time to let live, to learn from the mistakes while moving, take steps, make plans, and do something.. life is too short to sit around waiting for a green light.. the light is green, the sky is blue, pursue the good dream for the glory of God.

>>   Sunday, November 5, 2000 09:31 p.m.
web: beliefnet
checking the logs, I see that there are a few of you faithfuls out there who read my entries here, so I thought I'd be nice and redecorate a little here, and hope you like the slightly enhanced look.. if you don't notice anything different, that means you have a certain font and color scheme hard-coded into your browser, and I can't do nothing about that :) i've been under the weather the past week, I thought it was bronchitis, but the doctor (who I went to see on Friday) said it was a flu, and put me on these once-a-day antibiotics (usually I get the three-a-day's), and it hasn't been until tonight that i'm feeling better, and not as worn and tired as I've been all week.. not much pensivity in this entry; I did put in my absentee ballot in the mail on Thursday, b/c I will be at a conference Monday to Wednesday.. should be learning some good online tips there....