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-inserts bad word here-
Time: 07:46 p.m. || Date: Saturday, November 13, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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ARGH! I just hate my life, my family. Why can't my parents stop quarrelling???? Why must I be so useless? Why must I be so frikking weak??? ARGH! Damn it all. I hate myself sometimes and my life. Sure, I may have material things, but spiritually? Shit lah! What the hell is wrong with me?!! Damn it! Parents DAY ADN NIGHT, nonstop, quarrelling till the cows come home. Never one day ok one. You think I like it is it?! FUC* lah! Whole day no peace and quiet. Then the brother of mine. Whatever I do wrong must go tell parents one. And always irritated me. I mean WTF?! FUC* it all to hell! I hate it! Parents quarel the whole day..........Makes me want to puke, makes me feel so damn helpless, so damn irritated. I feel like just killing them or myself sometimes. Maybe I should. Why should I live sometimes..........Sure I have dreams, maybe I can accomplish them in my next life. Don't like what I am saying? GO TO HELL then. If someone in my family is to commit suicide, it would be me. I feel like using the kitchen knife to cut myself sometimes. Parents whole day say I quarel with my brother, they leh? WORSE RIGHT?! Dad tries so hard to please Mum, Mum is so damn ignorant sometimes! Once to the extent of my dad taking the kitchen kinfe and threatening to do something rash. He totally broke down for the first time. They quarel so badly once that they almost had a divorce. FUC* it all! I hate my life sometimes. Why can't my life be more simple? School and the frikking class gives me enough problems already, add on to my family pressure, I can die anytime! I want to jump down from my window sometimes, I look at it and sometimes even open it extra wide with stupid intentions. I hate it. I hate myself. When they quarel, what the FUC* can I do?! I cry. I cry like mad. Maybe I am mentally unstable. Who knows? Noone cares anyway. Sometimes I just wish I didn't exist. They complain I don't smile enough, how can I?! Look at those two!? Look at my life?! How can I frikking smile?! Put on the mask yes I do, real smiles hardly comes out of me. That is why I frown so much. There is nothing I can smile about sometimes. I smile to myself mostly. Why not? I hate it all.........I FRIKKING HATE IT ALL! Look at me, if you rather not I don't care. I am not pretty, tall, samrt, funny, slim, fit etc. I am a failure. That is what. I am weak physically and mentally. I have weak bones and so I can't be physically fit, I am not mentally strong either. I don't have any special talents, I am probably a burden to everyone. I am plain bitchy, arragont, ignorant, irritating, loud, hot and short-tempered. Bet you can't find any good things about me. I have frikking damn irritating relatives too. Aunts and uncles are just plain idiots. Mother's side, whole day comparing who is richer, whose children are smarter, better looking. Hn. For my father's side, a stupid cousin who looks down at me cause I am not smart enough to go to RGS. So what? At least I don't live in the past! At least I have a little fashion sense! Mother's side again, two bitches. Think they are so pretty. So slim hor. So up to date hor. Study leh?! Hn. Their brother and parents also. Parents are idiots. Really. Look at them. Think their children so good hor. Ask them don't talk to my brother and I. At least I am smarter than you! Darn it. Hate them........hate myself sometimes........hate my life sometimes..................ARGH!
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~An enemy killed
|
Lalalalala......Bo.
Time: 01:10 a.m. || Date: Saturday, November 13, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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Here is a quiz like thingy I found xD.
#o1. name: Melesa
#o2. single or taken: Single DUH.
#o3. sex: Female O+
#o4. age: 13 years old rounded down.
#o5. eye colour: Black
#o6. hair colour: Same as above.
+relationships+
#o7. do u have a bf/gf: Not old enough XD.
#o8. do u have crush: Yesh.
+fashion+
#o9. your favorite place to shop: Anywhere I feel like going.
#1o. your favourite shop: Esprit!!! The clothes there ROCKS!
#11. your favourite brands: Esprit, Mango, Giodano (sp?), Nike etc etc....
#12. your favourite designer: Depends on my mood and style. XD
#13. have tattoos or piercings: Going to RE-pierce ears soon.
+specifics+
#14. what's your job: Sec 1 student this year, Sec 2 student next year.
#15. do u do drugs: a project on it. Medicine?
#16. what shampoo do u use: The kind the doctor prescribes.
#17. what are u scared of the most : Insects and ghosts.
#18. who is the last person that called you?: My dad.
#19. the last person who sms'ed you: Yi Min.
+favourites+
#2o. color: Pink and pruple!
#21. food: Unhealthy ones DUH.
#22. boy's name: *thinks of all the anime boys*
#23. girl's name: Me BIG NAME!!! Mwhahahahaha..........MELESA!
#24. subjects in school: Maths, Lit, Art, ITE.....
#25. teacher: Mrs Ng actually........X_X
#26. place: Home is where heart is.
#27. animal: NEKOS!
#28. sports: Swimming and jogging and bowling.
#29. drink: Gassy drinks....
+do+
#3o. you wish you could live somewhere else: In my fantasy world(s).
#31. you think about suicide: Sometimes.
#32. you believe in dating: Yeash.
#33. others find you smart: Lalalalala......
#34. you want more piercings: Nah.
#35. you drink: Water currently.
#36. you smoke: EWW!! (although Sanzo does it....X_X)
#37. you do drugs: Prescribed by good doctors only.
#38. you like cleaning: Me spoilt.
#39. you like roller coasters: Depends on me mood.
#4o. you act loud/quiet in a crowd: Depends.
+have you+
#41. ever cried over a girl/boy: Tons.
#42. ever cheated over a boy/girl: *ponders* Don't know?
#43. ever lied to someone and felt guilty: All the time.
#44. ever been arrested: No.
+number+
#45. of times i have had my heart broken: None.
#46. of hearts i have broken : Depends on who you are talking about.
#47. of girls i've slept with: Lifeskills camp, P5 camp......
#48. of boys i've slept with: None.
#49. of drugs taken illegally: None.
#5o. of people i consider my enemies: Primary school enemy, Mariah from Beyblade, and all those who steals me favourite anime characters!!!
#51. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: It is too unique you see.....
#52. of times you made a fool of yourself in public: Tons......
+do you think you are+
#53. smart: Nope.
#54. funny: Depends.
#55. hot: Hahahahaha.....
#56. friendly: Depends.
#57. clever: No.
#58. lovable: Depends.
#59: caring: Depends.
#6o. sweet: Depends.
#61. cute: Depends.
#62. arrogant: Very.
#63. cheeky: Depends.
#64. photogenic: No.
+your+
#65. motto: Life is how I want it to be, although I am not always capable of making it.
#66. best subject: Maths and Geog I guess.....
#67. weaknesS: *insects**hot-tempered**suicidal**weak*
#68. next action/ambition: To be a doctor, graphic designer or NASA scientist.
#69. last words: *depends on where I am*
PHEW! Glad that is over with! Wait, here is another....XD
Name? Melesa Wong
Nicknames? Don't even get me started....
Date of birth? 17th June
Sex? Female. o+
Where were you born? NUH
Number of candles on your last birthday cake? 13.
Pets? None.
Hair color? Black.
Piercings? Going to pierce ears again.
Town you live in? NA
Favorite foods? Unhealthy!
Been in a car accident? Once.
Favorite day of the week? Thursday.
Whom did you get your last email from? Illusen's Glade.
Bedtime? Depends.br>
Last person you went out to dinner with?: Myself.br>
Been out of country? Tons.
What are you listening to right now? Shiro No Jumon by DOA
What are you wearing right now? Giodarno (sp?) black sweater of pyjamas.
Do you have any birthmarks? Two to three.
Have you ever been slapped? No.
Do you get online a lot? Easily 10 hours a day.
Do you shower? D-U-H
Do you hate school? The lessons.
Do you have a social life? Yea.
How easily do you trust people? Depends.
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? Yea. tons.
Have you ever been out of state? NA
Do you like to travel? D-U-H, only if I don't have to pack and unpack.
Have you ever been expelled from school? No,
Have you ever been suspended from school? No.
Do you want to get out of your hometown? NA
Are you spoiled? Very.
Have you ever gotten high? When I am happy.
Do you drink a lot of water? Enough.
Do you have a cell phone? D-U-H
Who do you look up to? People who are better than me.
Do you like takin pictures? Me take? Nah.
Do you like gettin your picture taken? Depends.
Do you have a tan? Me swim.
Do you get annoyed easily? Very.
Do you have your own pool? One in my apartment.
Do you have any siblings? 1 little annoying brother.
Do you get along with your parents? Depends.
How do you vent your anger? Me will claw myself, smash fits against the wall, cry, shout, scream, smash something, hit someone etc.....
Have you ever ran away? I wish.
Have you ever been fired from a job? NA
Do you even have a job? Not yet.
Do you daydream a lot? Depends.
Are you rude? Yea.
What was the last compliment you recieved? Umm.......sometime this week..
Do you like getting dirty? NO!
Are you flexible? Physical? Nah. Mental? Depends.
What is your lucky number? 7.
What does your hair look like right now? Untied. Not too messy.
Do you cry a lot? When I am angry. And frustrated.
What phrase do you use most when on the phone? Toot lah!
When was the last time you threw up? The last time I ha da dtomach flu.
How are you feeling right now? Tired, pissed to a certain extent and..........floaty.....
When was the last time you cried in school? The last time we had to practice choral night as a class by ourselves.
What kind of music do you like? Japanese anime music.
Would you ever bungee jump? YEASH!
Do you like cows? o_O
If you were to die today, what would you do? Tell all the people I appreciate that I appreciate them and kill all those I hate.
If you had one last word to say to someone before you die,what would it b? *depends on situ*
Do you like to party? YESH.
Hearts or broken hearts? Hearts.
Moons or stars? Stars.
Coke or pepsi? Coke.
How many languages can you speak? English, chinese and a bit of japanese.
What time are you finishing this? 1.44am
Ok, one more thing before I go. This is soemthing simple I made. 
Ok, me got to go to bed now. And me will change layout soon. Ja na~
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~An enemy killed
|
Days fly by...
Time: 12:30 p.m. || Date: Monday, November 8, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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Yea, since a lot of people posted about their "history", in other words, what happened tp them during the first few days etc in school. Me is a bit bored so me will post mine here.
The day I was suppose to go to school, I was like OMG, and I suppose to wear THAT?! (uniform) I never liked it anyway. Dad sent me to school like usual, same time as last year, I mean the school is barely 1 minute away from my old school! Sheesh.........Yea, didn't know suppose to look for class. Went around like blithering idiots trying to find what we are supposed to do. Sheesh......I think I was the last to go to our class, yea. Unluckily, I was ALSO THE LAST to get a seat. Really.......Anyway, can't remember much, yea, tootie Sars was my first friend lolz! I think bare-boon is next as she introduced me to her. As for the third.......DON'T LAUGH. Grandpa. I know I know.....I don't know how but it just happened. Recess with her too. Still remembered we were eating wanton noodles.....XD Yea. Oh yea, remembered hanging out with Jia Min lolz! Cause she knows my old classmate or my old classmate's boyfriend......I think. -_-;; Basically, that is all I remembered. XD Yea, got to know Sars and Sai better at Lifeskills camp. Didn't really know Shlu until a lot later lolz! I still don't know how the 4 of us became friends.....I don't really remember lolz! Cute I guess....Remembered liking Lit, not liking Science, liking Maths, bored with Chinese, not liking Home Econs.....no liking PE...not liking ITE at first......liking Art.....not liking Music........Yea. Freaky how time flies, one more year together only. I am starting to miss all my friends already. I didn't miss my old class last year as I don't like the class anyway. Hn. I like this class though. Sometimes it pisses me off but sometimes it cheers me up. I kind of look forward to school everyday. I look forward to seeing all my friends. I have to say, you guys mean a lot more to me than you think. I think without you guys, I would have broken down a long time ago. I am a very tense person, I take things to heart. I am short and hot tempered, but being with the 3 toots helped me a lot for some reason. I also learnt to laugh and joke a little more too. Last year was a lot worse off. I feel that this class, 103 year 2004, has the potential to do even better. That is all I have to say actually....Now for graphics!!! XD
I have a request board actually, please go view!
My request board!
I spent quite a lot of time on it actually. Lolz! Yeap, here are some of my graphics I made recently. For requests and for myself. Animated ones.......(fine! Almost all are animated!) Please watch more than once.
Other people:
Me:
What can I say? KURAPICA ROX! XD Also working on carrotsticks blog......Oh yea another thing.....I drew for my best friend's birthday.....Not too nice......1st try lolz! But not bad for 1st try yesh? ;)
Anyway, that is all I have to say for now. I love 103 2004! MWACKS! XD Ok, ja na~
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~An enemy killed
|
**** it all the the fiery pits of hell
Time: 10:15 p.m. || Date: Friday, November 5, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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**** it all. **** it all to the fiery pits of hell and let their pathetic souls burn and rot there. You think I give a damn??? No I don't. Go rot in hell for all I care. I don't care if your bones turn into powder, smashed, and scattered to the 4 corners of the Earth. I told you guys before, I am not Miss-I-am-the-nicest-person-on-earth you know. I have my limits and unfortunately, it is as short as it can be. Cross the line and I SWEAR you are as good as frikkin' dead. Damn it.
At the starting of the year, I thought this was a nice class, and worthy of my nice side. Obviously, I WAS DMAN FRIKKIN' WRONG. WRONG AS CAN BE. Wow, I had never been so wrong. Trust me, last year, some girls in my class just HATE me. Why? CAUSE I GIVE THEM HELL EVEYDAY. I AM NOT AS NICE AS I LOOK. So much for having time to update my other posts............NO! I rather rant about how SINCERE some people can be. What? You hate me now? You think I care? No, I DON'T. I will give you hell like last year, I need to practice before I go rusty. From tonight I can see, I AM NOT ANYWHERE NEAR RUSTY. Hate me now? You better. Well, a group of us have this big secret and we promised not to tell anyone else. At first the group consisted of 3 people. Then me and my other 3 friends joined in. Sure we all have had temptations to let it out, I did. A number of times. did I tell? NO. I DIDN'T. I RESISTED IT LIKE CRAZY. I KEPT MY PROMISE, AND SO DID MY OTHER 3 TO 4 FREINDS. THE OTHER 2? THEY VERY SMART HOR..........WANTED US NOT TO TELL, THEN GO AND TELL OTHER PEOPLE. VERY GOOD LEH. NOW SO MANY PEOPLE KNOWS, HOW??!? MORE PEOPLE KNOW = MORE CHANCES PEOPLE LEAK OUT. Let us do some MATHS now shall we?
Let's say if in the 7 of us, 2 people broke their promise. If the total number of people doubles, so do the number of may-be betrayers! I am not BEST at MATHS, BUT I SURE CAN "KILL" PEOPLE IF I WANTED TO. Want to fight? Bring it on. I can fight the world if I have to. Want ME to GIVE UP? Not so easy.
So now how? Words given CANNOT be taken back. SO NOW I HAVE TO LIVE A LIFE WORRYING MY PRETTY LITTLE HEAD OFF ABOUT SOMETHING MY "FRIENDS" DID?! You can go **** off then! Don't like my tone? Then get the hell out of my face! Want to fight me? I will kill you then. Now since the sleek cat is out of its velvet bag, all I have to do now is to rant and kill. Scolded one out of the two people less than an hour before. Scolded her LOUD. Too bad not LONG. She deserved it. I would have shouted louder and swore more if I WASN'T IN PUBLIC. Yes. I SHOUTED at her on the phone IN PUBLIC. I am not afraid of public humiliation. I don't care what others think of me. If they don't like me, they can get the frikkin' hell out of my sight. Noone is pointing a gun at their hollow skulls and asking them to stare at this freak typing this stupid post. Well, trust me, more is to come. Apologies won't calm me down. The only way is to wait for dear old time to wear it off or to have super powers and erase the memories of the people they told. You think I am over the top right? Maybe I am. Maybe I am not meant to be in this frikkin' class. Maybe I am better off dead you say. Too bad. I AM STILL HERE. It is not fair. Not fair that my friends, kept their secret, and me. We must live our pathetic lives not knowing if anyone else knows. Not knowing who will be next to let it out. Damn it. I thought this class was good. Some people are. I believe in them. They are my FRIENDS. Other? I don't care about them. I am heartless you say. Maybe I am. For this whole year, I have felt anger like this for like numerous times. I never felt this angry since 2002. And that was only ONCE. Looking at the class now makes me SICK. Makes me irritated. It is not only the leaking out of secrets wich revolts me. It is the way the class can't be united as well. I am so damn pissed, I don't want this class to be like my class last year. But I don't care now. You are going to see a lot more of my true self soon. Very soon. Once, I even cried, CRIED, just looking at the class and thinking of the class thing we have. I am weak. I try to be strong, but it does not always work. So there. I will STOP SHOUTING now and END THIS STUPID HELL OF A POST NOW.
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~An enemy killed
|
Captain Ball thingy...
Time: 02:00 p.m. || Date: Friday, October 22, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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Ok, hi, this is Melesa...I am currently in school now so yea. Anyway...Like I meantioned in my post yesterday...I had to extract two teeth and then tighten my braces and put a seperater. Damn it...You want to know why? Well, for starters...THEY HURT LIKE FRIKKING HELL!!! Damn it like all to hell!! I can't seem to stand such pain!! I mean even like pressing and squeezing the pimples and blackheads are less painful then that lor! I mean it feels as if the wisdom teeth which is hurting is like about to explode or something! I can barely like stand it! I mean I have my braces since like I can't remember....Oh yea, I think around July June that time lor...And the worst were the seperaters...Can kill you one lor! But then this is just as bad since I only can eat porridge and whenever I bite or close my mouth fully, it would hurt. What more, the metal wire end of the braces weren't cut properly so it gets caught in my flesh all the time. I have to like stick my finger inside my mouth to try to free the damn thing. Hurts lor...I can't stand it lor! I like don't feel well liao and then this....Really, can die one leh! Eating only porridge very fast hungry one leh...I guess I would just have to bare with the pain...I am so brave...NOT.
I will add the captain's ball thingy later. Ja na~
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~An enemy killed
|
Something new and old
Time: 02:00 p.m. || Date: Thursday, October 21, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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Hi! Melesa is here! (AIM screen name...X_X) Ok, lets start off with some quizzes!
You're Yuki - the mouse.
Which Fruits Basket Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
YUKI!! L O V E love Y U K I yuki!!! LOVE YUKI!!! XD!
You came from the water. Calm and shy, you know
what you want, but sometimes are afraid to
stand up for yourself.
Where did you come from?
brought to you by Quizilla
Water is nice...^_^ Fire is my favourite element though.
Find out how much of an Internet geek you are @ star-girl.org!
X_X ME NOT A GEEK!!!!!!!!!!! Hn.
Find out which drug you are @ star-girl.org!
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk......
O....That is so sweet! ^_^
Really? *angel*
Ok, that's all for the quizzes yea. Ok....I went to some people's blogs today cause I haven't been to any lately....Yea. I found a number of interesting posts in some. Well, here is what I think. No offense meant people. Yea, so read on if you want to. I warned you liao. If you want to read the normal stuff, just go and read from 3rd paragraph onwards. Ok, as for the exam results thing, yea, guess I went a little over the top about it too. I mean it is my first Secondary school exams and I am kind of excited and nervous at the same time about it. Yea, so I went over board. Yea. Sorry about that. I mean it is not like I intended to do it. DUH. So whatever I did which insluted/demoralised you guys, just take it as I am sorry ok? Yea, I don't know the strength of my voice sometimes, I don't know how loud I sound sometimes, yes, I LOVE to whine my head off, yes, I LOVE it. But then, you can always tell me not to do so if it is like getting onto you yea? I am not that unresonable as you think I am although sometimes I can overdo it. I am human after all. I have my flaws. It is just that I have more flaws than some of you. I am not perfect. I don't mean and I also don't want to be. That would be a nightmare...So for the exam results incident, I may have caused some of you to feel a bit down and to find me downright irritating. Well, once again, sorry ok? I didn't mean to make you all feel bad or whatever, it is just that I have been doing that for like how many years liao and no one said anything. So I didn't think much about it. I will just try not to do it again and if I do it again, TELL ME, you don't have to try to kill me instead you know. I am not a monster waiting to eat you up you know. Even though I do not care much about insults, I don't feel too good about it still yea? At least you didn't say that to me last time or hell would have broken out, trust me. I am so much more controlled now even though I have my ups and downs like all of you.
Finally, I got that off my chest, it has been bugging me till just now. Ok, as for the ouija board thingy a few days before which some of you played with it, I have to say I wasn't most thrilled when I heard it. Although not all of you may believe it and probably think I am some freak, I DON'T CARE. I just need to voice out my opinions too. I myself think it is stupid to play with such a thing as it might be dangerous and might invite unwanted things to us. I mean why do you want to play with something like that? It can be dangerous and may cause harm to us and those around us! I know I am in no position to say any of these but like I say, I DON'T CARE. If you are lucky, if you managed to contact the other side, the "thing" which you contacted is not evil and will cause no harm. But still...On the other hand, if you are unlucky....I don't think you need me to say anymore. Just a word, I don't want and don't mean to hurt/offend/irritate anyone. I just want to voice out my opinions. I already put up there earlier in my post if you don't like these stuff, don't read. So it is not my problem anymore.
Sigh...Sometimes, I hate myself. I make to many mistakes. I mean...nevermind. Not like anyone would understand me. Noone can. Noone would. So why do I even care? Sometimes I really hate it all....Sigh. Guess this is life. I don't like it though. Whatever. Yea, back to normal life post again....Yea. Ok, results = all back. Me = Not so happy. Reason = Didn't do too well overall. Conclusion = Bad holiday. Sigh....I total didn't do too well lor. I mean looking at my scores, I think I could have done better for some and others I think I did fairly ok.
English -- B3 -_-;;
Chinese -- B3 -_-;;
Maths -- A2 ~_~;;
Science -- A2 (on marksheet)/B3 (normal score) ~_-;;
Literature -- B4 -____-;;
History -- B4 -____-;;
Geography -- A1 ^_^;;
Ok, as you can see....I only have one A1....Which is seriously PATHETIC. DON'T YOU GET ME WRONG AGAIN DAMN IT! I am NOT whinning again! DAMN! I am just saying that for my own standards! I am not comparing with people in my class! I am comparing with myself. SO IF YOU GET ME WRONG THEN I REALLY SHOULD DAMN YOU. Don't mind me, I am DAMN pissed now. Yea. Dental appiontment today. Might have to extract two non-shaky teeth. Yea. I don't want to. Hopefully can worm my way out of it. Tightening braces too.
Oh man....I just came back from the dentist not long ago....Sigh....My two teeth got pulled out....yea. Oh man! They are like damn long! Long as in the part concealed in our gums....Yea. And very sharp too... X_X Reminds me of a vampire...Yea. Had to numb my bottom part of mouth first...Injected like how many times lor! Injected so many times...Like 5....Out of those, only 2 hurt. A bit. Then the dentist used a tool to grab on to my tooth and he was like twisting it here and there before pulling it out....X_X IT didn't hurt. Had to wait for the bleeding to stop (it is still bleeding slightly one side now) and my mouth is still numb since 4pm!! Oh man....A bit of feeling got but only a little....And now I got 2 holes...Yea.
Today cross country. Walked with carrot sticks and sai. So ended up......288 for me, 289 for carrot sticks and 290 for sai....We knew we could have easily done better but since we told sai we walk with her and since she is sick...Heck. At least not last. Eunice was the fastest runner! (In Sec 1, 2 and 3!) 17.01 seconds....WOW! I mean like cool lor! Next year me going to run. XD! Ok, that is all I wanted to add. Ok, see you! Captain's ball tomorrow. Ja na~
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~An enemy killed
|
Short and quick one
Time: 10:22 p.m. || Date: Tuesday, October 19, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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Ok, this will just be a short and quick post to like update on what's happening yea? Ok. OH MAN! GOT BACK THE RESULTS FOR EXAMS! DAMN! I did like damn bad.......no A1 only A2 and B3 and B4.....DAMN! (Including history) Oh man, I am so going to be dead with my parents if they ask me what did I get. Ok, but that will like take some time as they don't know when am I getting back my results....-_-;; Maths I did badly........Paper 2 pulled me down from my A1........*cries* I didn's sleep well the night before you see. I only slept from 3.30am to like 5.55am....Sigh. How to concentrate you tell me?! I think I got one of the lowest in class already...Sigh......But surprisingly, I didn't get B4 for Science!! I was happy only for that. Oh man...I didn't know I could get a B3! Not very good but my science is horrendous....Sigh....I am like so not going to have a good holiday and I can kiss that MP3 player and new handphone + vacation to the States goodbye....Sigh...I am better off not knowing my results.......But then if I don't know....I can't sleep in peace.....XD LOLZ! Ok, anyway, didn't go for the chinese speech training remember? Yea, and today have. Went and the HOL (I think) (grouchy lady short hair tomboy styled) watched us. It was first time for us t have a full rehersal...Yea. Before it, the 6 of us who didn't go got a "scolding" but luckily my dad wrote letter, or I would have had a worse one...X_X Must thank him (I did !) Messed up....Me and some other people as this is the first time proper yea....I forgot part of my lines....(2 only some more!) Sigh...(I seem to be sighing a lot yea? 0_0) But later got better. Got A LITTLE better....Yea. Went home after that at round 5.15pm yea...As in the thing finished lah! Yea, no time to go for CCA....*cries* They made badges!! NO FAIR ME WANT TOO!!!! Me thinking of quiting swimming....Very boring leh! As in own training! BORING! Ok, going back that time, (with Sai, Ming Yi and Jia Min) first, I think something about a crisis about a handphone....Then later, Jia Min couldn't find her keys (we were on our way out! almost out!) So went around looking for them....Couldn't find them anywhere.....Guess where we found them? In her bag........XX_XX Ok, went home...Lalalala.......And ended up after dinner (For once at Burger King!)....here....Ok, I guess that is pretty much what I have to say. Oh yea, I played a new game. Extreme snowboard I think....Found on www.bonus.com the sports games section.....Here is a screenshot of my highest level and you can see my highest score I got too....
CLick here as the picture is too big.
Ok, me tired now....Ok fine, me not tired, me just tired o typing thats all......Haven't been doing any graphics for some time...Wait, I did a very un-graphic-like graphic I think yesterday.......
Ok, now me going.....Really...Ok......Ja na~
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~An enemy killed
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Same ol, same ol Another day... *sigh* *Yawns* Frustrated Testing
Time: 10:06 p.m. || Date: Saturday, October 16, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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Hello again....Yeap, another post. Today nothing much happened. Not really...Well, woke up early, (for me) around 7.40am or so because of a nightmare. Oh man, when I was hapving it, I remembered myself trying to pinch myself to see if I am awake. But for some reason, I knew I wasn't and I kept panicking...I rather not talk about it now. I think I watched too many movies lolz! I just can't shake off the freaky feeling of it...Sighz. Really...I know, I know...It is just a dream....Yadayada....I know that! What do you think I am?! Sheesh! Really....Ok. Anyway, was in a really good mood in the morning (as in I didn't feel like arguing), family ok mood lah. Whatever. Heck. Anyway, had a normal breakfast before sending brother to tution. (HA! He got exams! Mine over!) Went there to buy cds! Finally bought the Vandread ones....(I thought I had them but turns out I didn't....-_-;;) Brother bought cd on Pokemon Johto League. Nice....I love anime! LOLZ! Yea. He also got this Bionicle thingy...Cd, not toy though he has some....I thought it was really dumb...Yea. Mom bought the "Blade 1" which was classified as M18 due to extreme and graphic violence. But we didn't care. LOLZ! Wanted <
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~An enemy killed
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Time: 10:11 p.m. || Date: Friday, October 15, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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Hello once more...*yawns widely* Oh man, I am so going to have an early night tonight....It is only 10pm plus! Very early...Usually I would sleep at like 1am....Me got up early today for the stupid speech practice and slept at 12 midnight yesterday. So all I can say is me need me beauty sleep...It is important for me skin too...XP Ok, anyway, woke up normal time (5.55am) and went to school normal time (about 6.45am)...Was first one there with Pei Rong a few steps behind me. Sigh...Waited and waited for more people to come. Yea. Sai brought fake blood and she, Sars and Shlu poured some on their hands and pretended that they were injured...-_-;; Well, I had to say it was sticky....(Got some on my palm when I bumped into Sai and accidently grabbed Sars hand....-_-;;) It isn't really a school day and we still had to sing the national song... Really. They should know we DON'T want to come back and have no choice...Not like I like the performance anyway...Hn. So not....Sleepy....I better type faster then. Ok, the speech thingy was ok...Nothing better but yea. Not going tomorrow by the way. I am not that free. Hn. I don't care about it anymore. I got better things to do. Hn. Watched a movie called "Hackers" on channel 58 today. Started at 12.30pm. Nice....The lady who acted as Lara in Tomb Raider acted in it too. Nice...It was about hackers (like DUH)! I would love to work as one...So cool! Imagine, all the information at your fingertips! Easy access to anything anywhere! Blackmail easy too....Sigh. Like I can ever be one....It is against the law too unless you are working for the government...X_X No fair...Sigh. Exams results back on Monday. So damn fast. Darn it. I didn't enjoy myself anough yet and I am not ready for my torture...I don't want my holiday to take a turn for the worse so quickly....Yea, I can't wait to change the layout of my website. I want to use frames now...And I also want to edit a ton of stuff there...Made new graphics too. Simple stuff today...
How are they? Comment by pressing the comment button at end of this post please....*eyelids getting heavy* Ok, I better get moving now...*yawns* I need my beauty sleep....Pillow...Bed...Blanket...I am coming....Ja na~
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~An enemy killed
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Time: 11:45 p.m. || Date: Thursday, October 14, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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Hello again....*yawns* It is almost midnight and I can't believe I am typing this....Tomorrow still have to go to the stupid school for the dumb rehersal...Damn it. I don't want to go. I don't want to be a part of it. Darn it all...This is so not nice. I just want to laze around and like relax and do more graphics...But NO....I have to wake up early and go to reherse something I don't like and have almost 0% interest in. Hn. I don't really care anymore. I got a good mind to go eat tons of junk food and get an upset stomach over it so I don't have to turn up tomorrow. I know I know....It will affect the class and cause a lot of trouble cause of me....LIKE I CARE. I really for some reason, these few days, I haven't been in a good mood, and I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE WORD SCHOOL OR IT SPOILS MY MOOD. Damn it.I for some reason now, loathe school. The sound and sight of it irritates me to the bone. Hn. I wish I could just pull out. Don't be in the performance. Maybe work backstage or something. Replace me with someone....I don't care. I rather be watching it than to be acting in it. It is so not the drama...I don't feel my best either. And the news that I have to extract two teeth from the bottom row of my mouth next week after the stupid cross-country isn't helping either. Damn it...I so don't feel like living here...Maybe I should move to the North Pole...No school...Hn. I don't want to go...I don't want to act....I don't want to reherse...I don't want any of this. Yea, yea, I know. I am being selfish once more but do I give a damn?! No I don't. Hn. What is the use of going to act anyway? I am not going to be an actress when I grow up...I don't even like it. When I don't like something, I don't do well. It is that simple. Hn...Melesa the Selfish little BRAT of NYGH class 103...That is me. Newsflash isn't it?
Sigh....At least looking at the graphics I made cheered me up a little. Made 3 new sets on Furuba/FB/Fruits Basket today. Momiji, Ritsu and Tohru. If you want to see the rest of the sets I made, go to here and here. I only did sets from Akito to Tohru (some people missing in between too....>_<) Go see if you want to. Here are the sets anyway. (MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME TO LOAD!)
How do they look? Comment by pressing the comment button at end of me post....I kind of ran out of ideas for the borders....-_-;; Oh yea! I also made a new blog! Featuring Rei Kon from Beyblade! Neko-jin! XD Ok, here it is!
How is it? I had to make the text sparkle! I mean I haven't been doing sparkles for over 1/3 a year now! Ever since computer couldn't save images as other formats but .bmp, but after the system recovery...Most of the things are better now! You will probably be seeing me doing a lot of sprakles after I finished making FB sets for the "For You" section in me graphics
*YAWNS* Ok, that does it. I am SO going to bed now. Ok, till next time. Night night....Ja na~
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~An enemy killed
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Time: 07:32 a.m. || Date: Tuesday, October 12, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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*YAWNS* Oh man am I tired! *rubs eyes* Sleepy sleepy head....*reads last post* WHA?! I wrote that? Man! I must have been damn frustrated. It sounds so damn sick!!! *thinks about yesterday* Yea, I was for the whole week. Trying to put a mask on to shield my true feelings from the whole and I finally couldn't take it anymore....I feel like I am under a lot of pressure....School and at home. For some reason, I felt so much pressure when exams were near...Usually I would play nonstop....And also at home. For some reason, everytime I look at my brother, I feel damn pissed. I picked on everythin he does....Well, but rereading the post....I think all the anger inside me had gone. I am feeling better now. Although I am still a little pissed. What do you expect? I spent 2 hours yesterday crying my heart out, trying to let all the anger in me escape out, letting other joys in the world fill me up. Oh man...I still can't believe I wrote that. Damn....*Sigh* I think I will leave the post there to remind me how I felt and try not to make myself so tense and full of hatred again. I never felt more fury in my soul than yesterday....I was picking on everything my family did, ended up whith a scolding, annoying everyone around me......And to vent off all my anger, I cried. I cried long and hard for don't know how many years I never cried so much and hard. I felt the weight in my heart slowly release its grip and evaporate into thin air...I always thought I ws strong. Maybe I am not. Maybe I am just pathetic and weak. Who would do be as stupid as me? Noone but myself...I can't escape my life even though I want to. Since I want to be strong, the least I can do is to live. Yes. Live. Sigh....This is too freaky....hope I never have to do something like that again...I hope my life and I will go back to normal now. Instead of focusing on how frustrating my life is, I might as well focus it on how wonderful my life is. I just really hope that I don't think too much...Adding on pressure to myself...I am so insecure. Like a child who lost her way. Frightened. I dont want to lose myself and all those around me....
Anyway, I finally changed the layout of my blog. How do you like it? I didn't want to use table anymore! XD Mostly CSS and javascript. Maybe I should disable right click too.....(= Lolz! I joined a total of 48 fansites! ^_^ And I am still going to join somemore! Love anime....XD I also created a button for my blog so now you can use that to link to me! I also added a link to my graphics website. See how you like it! I personally think I didn't do too bad a job on it. Maybe when I am free, I will go and change the layout...This time I will use frames and save me the trouble of having change all the links on like 50 pages if I made a mistake or I want to add more....X_X Sgn the guestbook of my website(s) too please! No hotlinking to my button by the way! Please, please save it onto your own servers! Do not eat away the bandwidth....The upload the image to an image host and use the url from there! The button looks best on a lighter coloured background mind you....I didn't want to animate the button cause my Imageready something wrong like my Photoshop. At least the Photoshop 20% of time can use. Imageready? 10%....Like the banner I made? Lolz! I used like don't know how many brushes continously on it to get the effect...I might have overdone it A LITTLE....Fine! I overdid it a lot! Noticed I changed the siggy at the front of my post to the avater? For some reason, Imageready worked for me yesterday night so I did the animation of it. XD Made me feel better too. Oh man....My back aches!!! Ouch....Did not go jogging for like 2 weeks and I jogged 7 rounds yesterday and I want to die liao....X_X Me dad actually wanted me to jog/walk 10 rounds leh! I could have died....
Yesh....One more thing before I end this post....I editted the class blog a bit. Added some new adoptables and took away some cause I thought they looked horrendous. Added the banner at bottom of every post too. Since I don't have the original image, I did one myself. Don't like it? Take it away then....I never liked blogspot anyway....
NO MORE EXAMS! (Yesh....Now then I celebrate! So PISSED yesterday what! XD) WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO! FREE! (Till resukts are out anyway....-_-;;) PLAY ALL DAY! Graphics and animation.....*rubs hands together* HERE I COME!
Ok, that is all I have to say. Just wanted to tell everyone how I feel yea....Thats all. So thats all for now. Ja na~
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~An enemy killed
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Time: 07:47 p.m. || Date: Monday, October 11, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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Damn the world to hell...Damn it all to hell...I hate the world and the world hates me. Damn it all.....DAMN IT ALL! I hate evrything, everyone, anything, anyone.....I hate it all....I wish all would go to hell...You think I am mental? Go ahead. I don't give a damn anymore. I don't want to anyway. I hate myself....I hate you....I hate the world....Don't like what I said? Please click on the "x" at the extreme right hand corner of this the window. Unless you are so STUPID and don't understand such BASIC stuff, let me put it in a different way. SCRAM if you don't like what I said. Nobody is putting a gun to your head and asking you to read my damn post. So you want to read huh? Don't say I didn't ask you to leave just now...Damn...I feel so frustrated. Frustration is the only thing which fills up this empty shell called my body, driving me into this stupid world. Frustated, frustration...What is the use anyway? Noone understands me, I don't understand anyone. We are all fair right? Ha. The world is cruel, disgusting, dark, full of evil. Black and red mixed together forming a never ending chain of pure evilness....Tying us all up, preventing us from escaping. I am one of them. Just like you are. I can never break free. Even after I die.
I feel so damn frustrated. Irritated by everything, anything and nothing. A little noise would cause something in my brain to go haywire, sending me into a state where nothing matters to me anymore. I feel like keeping long and sharp nails......Sharp as a polished blade, long and narrow like a mini knife......Just enough to kill someone. I feel like ripping and tearing at the throats of innocent people. Feeling the blood dripping from my nails....Red, dark red......Thick and even disgusting....Tinting the once pure soul of mine....Silently the drops would fall onto the floor...Coating it with a new layer of red...I would stare at the unfortunate ones, crazed look in my eyes, hair flapping around me untamed. I would close my eyes and slowly taste the blood...Feeling it slide into my mouth, dripping down my throat...Coating my mouth with a beautiful colour of red...Staining my mouth with the taste of death and leaving me craving for more. I would laugh. Laugh at the world. I hate the world. The world hates me. It is me against the world and I don't give a ****ing damn about it. Want to stop me? Let's see you try.... After all, I am not Miss-I-am-the-most-perfect-being-in-the-world and I don't pretend to be.
Or maybe I should be more considerate....Smashing my head against the wall should do the trick. Or smashing my fists against rock-solid metal...Feeling my bones shatter into fine powder...Watching as trickles of blood flow from the wounds....Creating a red river covering me....Smash smash smash...Isn't this fun? Hurting myself........Or maybe I should just claw at myself. Watch as scratch marks turn red....Becoming swollen...And finally opening into deeper wounds....That sounds nice too. There are so many ways to let me show how much I hate myself and the world....
I can feel my muscles tensing up...My insides churning...My head spinning....Throbbing with pain, anger....and most of all....FRUSTRATION. I don't know why I am feeling this. My head hurts. I feel faint. I don't want to live anymore. Maybe that is a good idea. What is the matter with this FRIKKIN' world anyway?! I feel like taking a chopper and going to the streets slashing my way through the crowd....Watching as those pathetic and helpless people fall to their knees....Some crying in pain, some in a dazed state....Others? Dead. Plain dead. Body turning cold. Rock hard. With a look forever frozen on their faces. Never ending....Never able to live in this cruel world again. They really should thank me. I am just releasing them from their misery. Don't you think so? I feel like strangling the people who are feeling what I want to feel....Who are not as pissed as I am...Feeling my power as I control the fate of their pathetic little lives....I am the ruler. Fear me. Sometimes I even think of why am I doing this. I should just go out there and kill everyone. Then all is fine. Bye bye. Nothing more to be frustrated about. I want to release the anger in me, to vent it on something. I will one day smash the table with a punch, until then, I will keep smashing my fist on the table until I make it to that level. We are never free. always bound by chains....Who said the birds were free? They too are bound by their souls. They need to live. So they can't fly too high up even if they wanted to. We? Oh, we are far worse than those measly little birds....Bound by nature laws....And adding on to that, our own laws we make. What are laws to me anyway? they are just some words made out of letters thats all. Who needs them anyway? Not me....Maybe dying is better. Than maybe I can really be free. Not bound by shackles, limiting my once free soul...Or maybe not. Maybe dying is worse. Maybe there are even more rules. So what can I do? I am trapped in between....
I see myself as a piece of glass. I am fragile and break and shatter under high amount of pressure. After which I would shatter into millions of fragments being thrown into the air. Each piece hungry for the taste of blood. They would fly all around killing and hurting those close and far from me....Ha. I am sick. I am REALLY SICK don't you think?
Yes, I am mad. Insane. Crazy. Mental. Maybe I should be the one that shouldn't exist. Too bad. I live now and I will keep living. Better others dead than me. Ha. Yes, I am selfish. Very selfish. So what are you going to do about it? I am sick you say? Yes, I am....And so what if I am? Watch your back. I may be coming for you....
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~An enemy killed
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Time: 07:08 p.m. || Date: Sunday, October 10, 2004||
Quote:|<+~G0Tt@ |_0vE $@|YuK|--C@Nt T@Ke Y0Ur EyE$ 0fF t|-|eM~+>|
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Just testing! Updates tomorrow! =)
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~An enemy killed
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