Wednesday, June 9, 2004

Metroid Hunter

Sunday, June 6, 2004
After an hour long conversation it's finally over. I don't know right now if I'm any less angry or not. Well ok I am less angry but I'm not sure how to feel right now. I'm actually physically shaking but it's not anger alone. It's a mixture of anger, sadness, relief, depression, and a sense of completion all in one. This is not how I wanted it to end, but it is how it had to end. And strangely enough I actually felt better after talking to him on the phone than I have in the past. Then again he was the one I wanted to talk to, not her. I feel like I've just beed dragged through a gutter and over hot coals for a month by a chain that I'm holding on to. I should have let go sooner, that part was my fault, everything I let the chain drag me over was my fault. The rest of it belongs to those who hold the chain. That's probably a really bad analogy but it's all I can think of right now so don't take it too literally. Yeah actually that is a really bad analogy but oh well, I don't really know how else to say it. I'm out of words, there is no more to tell. The ending to the story has come, and for that I am glad, but the ending to the book is still far away and as my path moves away from theirs there is sadness in my heart. Hopefully one day our paths will cross again, but only for a better tale to tell. Good bye.
12:05 a.m.

Metroid Hunter

Saturday, June 5, 2004
This sucks, I'm still angry. I've been angry all day. It's really hard to enjoy doing anything when your angry at someone. I don't want to be angry but from what I can tell a promise was broken and now I have to revisit a whole bunch of shit that I thought I had left behind. All I want is to leave here in peace. I want to spend what time I have left with my friends and enjoy thier company. I'm having a hard enough time as it is getting myself together for leaving and now I gotta deal with this again. This is not how I wanted to leave. Fuck.
10:17 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Saturday, June 5, 2004
Damn it I am really fucking pissed right now. I was going to attempt to keep this off of my blog but after re-reading the email I was going to write to the person who I'm pissed at I decided that I didn't want to send it because there were a lot of unplesent words and statements. And despite it all I still want to be thier friend and that email wouldn't have helped the cause any. Unfortunately it didn't do much to make me feel any less angry. If I had been a Jedi Master I would have gone straight to Sith Lord in the past hour, that's how angry I am. I may still send that email yet, but only as an example of how angry I am right now. Then again if I continue to stay this angry I may just sent it as itself, I don't know yet. I really need to go find something else to do now to get my mind off of this.
02:54 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Saturday, June 5, 2004
Had a fun party last night, everyone was there. Well everyone I know and enjoy hanging out with at least. Fortunately I didn't get drunk enough to toss my cookies unlike some people. :P Hee hee, I'm glad you had fun though Meg, even if you did empty your stomach and pass out later. Charles ended up playing bartender the whole evening and he made some awesome mint mudslides. If I hadn't drunken so much by the time the second round came about I would have had more.

Eric finally managed to arrive right as the last few people were leaving. But it was ok cuz he brought two people with him and we played Super Monkey Ball and Super Smash Bros for an hour or so. So I was up until 1:30ish doing stuff. And I really gotta go now cuz I just got a phone call that has really pissed me off and put me in a bad mood. GOD DAMN IT why does this always have to happen when I'm finally feeling happy and good about myself?
01:48 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Saturday, May 29, 2004
This has been an interesting few weeks. So interesting in fact that Tsua and I decided that we exist in some kind of soap opera, hence "The LC" (Lane County). Weird shit, the kind of shit you only see on tv and never expect to have happen in real life, is happening in real life. Granted there isn't any soandso slept with this person and this person is carrying his baby or anything like that, but it's all odd enough as it is to be called a soap opera. I'd go into more details about the events but in the true fashion of soap operas secrets must be kept and only those who know the right channel and time may watch.

Anyways moving on, so I ran into a couple of people today that I wasn't expecting to see. For once I actually went to the Saturday Market downtown in the hopes of finding a nice dragony ring to replace my class ring that I've been wearing for years. The class ring is getting a bit beat up so I want a replacement and I found some spiffy dragon rings online so I was hopeing that I could find one at the market. Sadly I didn't, and I don't know of any places in town that might sell any, so if any of you know tell me, cuz I want a new ring. Ok so back to the original story, so yeah I ran into a certain couple at the market. At first I was aprehensive about talking to them (I saw them before they saw me) but eventually I decided to go ahead and say hello. Well hello turned into a 45 minute conversation in the middle of the market. I was feeling ok for most of it but for some reason the end of the conversation moved back onto a rather unplesant topic (probably my fault, but I honestly don't remember). Anyways so yeah I don't know what it is about talking to him, but for some reason I left that conversation feeling like I had done something wrong. Talking to her I've never had this problem, but ending conversations with him make me feel uneasy. I don't get it, I haven't done anything else wrong, I don't think, but I still feel like I have. I don't know if it's what he says or how he says it, but somehow it always makes me feel uneasy. All I know is that I've never dealt with anyone like him before so I never know what to say to him because I don't know how he'll react.

Ok I don't want to talk about that anymore. Beyond that I'm feeling ok. Went to see The Day After Tomorrow today. Was interesting. Although more buildings in NY should have gone down when that giat wave hit. I know how foundations of buildings are built, and they would not have been designed for that amount of uplift. The only other major thing that I noticed is that when continents were covered with ice and snow the ice and snow didn't extent all that far into the ocean. Other than that it was fun. Kinda sad that they didn't show more of the disasters in other countries. They showed a little bit of Japan, the UK, and then a few shots of LA and mostly NY. But eh, you can't have everything. All in all it was decent.
07:53 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Wednesday, May 26, 2004
I don't like this, this feeling that I keep getting. Every time I'm alone it comes back. This feeling of dread, anger, and self-hatred all in one. I keep thinking about events and wonder what happened. People have gotten mad at me before, they've been upset with me for things I've done, but I don't think anyone has so quietly and calmly told me they hated me without actually telling me such or even yelling at me. Just a calm, passive voice telling me that I did something wrong. Something that I didn't do intentionally, and am not even sure what he thinks I did I actually did, and yet I couldn't help but listen to his argument and quietly nod to myself in shame. He may be telling himself that he doesn't hate me and is trying to convince me of that, but I don't believe it.

I have never felt so alone. I know my friends are here for me and are supporting me, and I love you all for that, but this time, for some reason it just isn't enough. I still feel alone and unwanted. My emotions are broken. The warm fuzzy feeling is gone and I am an empty shell. I sit inside myself and wonder where it all went. Where is the love, the happiness, the laughter, the feelings that make me feel alive? Where has it all gone? Why has it all left me? Sure in the face of my friends I can pretend to be alive, but am I really? Are they the ones who fill that hole inside me when I'm around them and that's why when I'm alone those feelings are gone? I don't know.

All I want is to be happy, that's all I ever wanted. Why is happiness such a hard thing to achieve? Why does it run in terror whenever it sees me? Why does it mock me so? *sigh* I wish I knew what to do. I do not like feeling empty when the world around me is so full.
07:55 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Monday, May 24, 2004
Wow I feel even shittier right now. It's amazing how talking to someone who's really mad at you can make you feel even worse. Despite the fact that I don't believe that some of my actions were intentionally meant to hurt him, he seems to think so and is at this moment letting me know it. So yeah if I thought I was a horrible person before, I feel like even more horrible of a person now. So yeah certain emotions poped up during the course of this incident that caused problems, but that doesn't mean I was going to act on them. I don't understand why he's so upset about some things and not upset about others. *sigh* I don't understand. I know most of this won't make any sense to any of you but either way I feel really depressed right now.
07:43 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Monday, May 24, 2004
Ah the joys of emotional breakdowns. Yeah so this weekend was a rollercoaster for me. If I was with friends I was fine, however as soon as I spent any decent amount of time I went into a very deep depression and was filled with emotions of self hatred. I don't know how the situation will resolve itself, but I still have these feelings of being a very bad person. I don't know when they will go away. But yeah either way it was not a very happy weekend for me, well not happy when I didn't have something else to preoccupy myself. I think I overthought stuff so much that I kinda just lost it. *sigh* my poor broken brain.
12:00 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Sunday, May 23, 2004
You know it's funny, there's so much racism going on in our country that it boggles the mind sometimes, but the thing is that most people don't stop to think that it works both ways. I was reading Bionicfemme's LJ and I felt sad. Sad partially because I couldn't do anything to help her since she's 600 miles away right now and even though I haven't seen her in years I still consider her one of my best and closest friends. I love her as I love all my close friends and as such I have a tendency to forget that she's not like me. Now don't misunderstand that statement, I meant it in no way bad, it was just the best way to describe our differences in as brief a sentence as possible. Her situation growing up is greatly different from mine, not only is she considered a "minority," (I really hate this term hence the quotations) but she also didn't have much money growing up. I on the other hand grew up white and middle-class. Well unfortunately for both of us neither can change that, I can't change the fact that I grew up as a white person with a reasonable amount of money, and she can't help the fact that she grew up as a filipino with much less money than I.

There is great inequity between us and yet we still remain friends. For this I am grateful because I would hate to lose her as a friend despite our differences. Sometimes realizing your own weaknesses is what makes you stronger. But alas I digress, so if we look at racism in this country technically I should be the one on top looking down at her. But the thought of this sickens me, I don't want to be on top, I'd rather be down there with my friend than up here with a bunch of people who make me look bad because of how I grew up. I can't help the fact that I was born into my family any more than she can help the fact that she was born into hers. So why are people calling each other names and referring to each other as "evil?" And the truth is both sides do it. White people of the world look down on non-whites and try to oppress them, what they don't realize is that they look back on the whites as being just as evil. It's a racist war that happens both ways, the rich people are just to idiotic to notice.

There are a lot of racist names that people call each other. I know it hurts her when someone calls her something racist or whatnot, but to people realize that it hurts me when they call me something back? I try my hardest to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and treat everyone equally, unfortunately that just isn't possible by anyone, but I do my best to ignore any stereotypes that pop into my head that have been put there by this damn society and treat them like the human being they are, and I would hope that they do the same for me. Now some of you might read this and tell me that I'm only saying this because I'm white middle-class and therefore better than everyone else. But you're wrong, I am not white middle-class, I am human, and as a human I have feelings and emotions, wants and needs, just like everyone else. And I don't care who you are, some of these things are universal. We need to stop flinging the insults across the board, because if we don't, it'll never stop. We need to see each other as who we are inside, not on the outside. I know a lot of people have said this, but I felt the need to say it as well. Who we are is not how we're brought up, but rather how we treat those around us.

I appologize for the ramble, I guess I just had a lot of emotions that I needed to get out, and I'm sorry if non of this made sense or came out wrong. It's hard for me to ramble coherently. I think about life and I fit into some peoples classifications as "the evil white person" and I hate it. I don't want to fit into the stereotype as being evil. Yes I know the stereotype is well earned, but not all of us are the same. And that is why we must all move beyond the stereotypes and see people for who they are, not who we percieve them to be.
01:38 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Friday, May 21, 2004
I feel like the scum of the Earth right now. Why oh why did I have to be so stupid. All I seem to be doing as of late is fucking stuff up. Especially stuff between other people. Which is what makes me feel even worse because if things don't get better I will never be able to forgive myself. As it is I don't think I can forgive myself for what I've done.
03:42 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Friday, May 21, 2004
Wow, if Bush makes it into office again we are so Fucked
11:41 a.m.

Metroid Hunter

Thursday, May 20, 2004
Well I feel really shitty right now. I almost lost a friend tonight because of my stupid emotions again. Why the hell can't I just be happy damn it! Latly it seems like everytime I try to extent my emotions to encompas more than just myself I screw up and only succeede in making things worse. Am I always this stupid? or did I just hit a run of bad luck? Maybe I should go back to locking up my emotions and hiding them in a jar on a shelf just beyond my reach. But no, I won't, because while it was brief and just caused me more pain than it was really worth, that brief exploration of my emotions was rather nice. Well with that being said I feel rather emotionally drained right now, and as such I think I'm going to go lay down on my bed and probably cry myself to sleep.
11:57 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Monday, May 17, 2004
ROFL

Japanese people are insane

Yeah ok I looked for some other cool stuff but gave up. So this is all you get for now.
11:36 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Monday, May 17, 2004
*sigh* I really hate having a crush on someone when I can't do jack shit about it. I'm in this annoying state of wanting to tell them even though it's pointless since they already have an SO. It's also annoying because every time I talk to them or see them my heart does the little flutter thing that people always describe it as. It makes it really hard for me to keep my same general tone around them and not give myself away. Then again in my experience everyone can see it except the person involved. Or at least in my case when someone has a crush on me. But this however is different cuz I'm the one with the crush. And all I want to do is like hug them or hold thier hand and I can't. I must supress these feelings and continue on as Dini the friend. Sometimes I really hate my life.
01:35 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Sunday, May 16, 2004
Ah the joys of wireless internet. Here I am at my friends house mooching off of some poor schmucks wireless internet. Yay for non-computer-savy people who don't know how to protect their wireless internet. Yay for mooching off of said people. Life is good.

So I saw Troy on saturday with Emily and Sam. That movie was awesome. And besides, who wouldn't want to see Brad Pitt half naked? So yeah that was cool.

Other than that not much going on. Ultimate Frisbee today. I was happy that I could play, even with my arm. Fortunately it started doing much better yesterday so for that I'm happy. yay!

Meh, that's about it, nothing terribly exciting or mysterious. :)
09:12 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Thursday, May 13, 2004
Haven't posted in a while. Been kinda busy with stuff. Ok so the brief synopsis of what's been going on. On Sunday while playing Ultimat Frisbee I managed to play the best game I've ever played in quite a while. Unfortunately during play I ended up taking a frisbee to the arm. Now normally this wouldn't be so bad, but I was all of 5 feet away from the disc when it was thrown and it was thrown rather hard. So I ended up with a nice welt on my arm. The next morning not only was the welt there but there was a bruise around it. A few days later the bruises had migrated down to my wrist. During this whole time my entire forarm has hurt. As in the muscle hurts every time I move it. So doing simple things has been a challenge since doing anying (including this typing) hurts my arm. So yeah it's been out of commission for the week.

On to the next item of business. I ended up breaking things off with my short lived boyfriend. He just works too damn much and I never get to see him so really nothing has changed between us. The only difference is the title. Ah well.

And speaking of ... well ... the topic of people who you like sadly I've developed a crush on someone. It's rather annoying too since there really isn't anything I can do about it and I'm leaving in a month. *sigh* Sometimes I really hate life. At least on the plus side I've become a "snugglebuddy" (as she calls it) to Sarah. So I at least have someone I can snuggle with to help keep my mind off of... someone else.

Anyways I think that's it for now. Not a whole lot going on. Tomorrow I finally get to meet Sarah's fiance and then hopefully I'll be ready to get back into Ultimate on Sunday. I may have to skip out on friday practice because of the arm. Damn arm *shakes fist*
01:37 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Wednesday, May 5, 2004
Ok does anyone else find this disturbing?
11:08 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Wednesday, May 5, 2004
Oh mine Enemy thy name is Sasser

So yeah this has been one of the shittiest weeks of my life. I've been getting increasingly more upset at my boyfriend and the situation I'm in with him until I finally blew up at him this morning. Granted I feel better now since what I was upset about really needed to be said. On top of that this new Sasser worm is hell. Work has been so swamped with the virus it's insane. We've fixed well over 100 computers in the past three days. Yesterday I spent 7 hours working on them, by the time I was done I was brain dead and agitated. Fortunately Charles was kind enough to treat me and Doug to a Vanilla Cream from Starbucks. Oddly enough I ran into him later that evening at Red Robin. I was hanging out with my friend Sarah and he was hanging out with his roommate. Lol it was kinda funny, we couldn't get away from each other.

I'm rather brain dead today too. Didn't work as much but yesterday drained me enough for today as well. So I'm dead. Normally I would go hang out with some of my friends and watch West Wing, but I'm just not up to it. So yeah I wanna just vegge in front of the tv and do nothing tonight.
08:42 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Thursday, April 29, 2004
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I win!!! Yeah I'm really happy right now because I totally defeated the evil internet gods who say I can't download anything. Well ha! I managed to download a file despite thier pitiful efforts to keep me away. The silly thing is the file is open for everyone to view anyways so why does it really matter if people download it or not. Anyways yeah so I got my video files and a spiffy new program made by a small group of people which means it's not loaded down with crappy ass spyware and shit. So yeah, happy Dini.
09:31 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Wednesday, April 28, 2004
ROFL wow this is funny. Go to google, type in "weapons of mass destruction" including the quotation marks and hit the I'm Feeling Lucky button. Read the error message, it's damn funny.
12:12 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Monday, April 26, 2004
You know, it's kinda funny but ever since I came back from the ER with Meriel I've had this strange feeling inside of me. At first I couldn't identify it, but slowly through the evening I figured out what it was. It was anger, and rage, mixed with feelings of helplessness. The anger and rage come from a want to hurt the man who hurt my friend, you see I'm very protective of my friends, and when someone hurts one of them, I want to hurt whoever did it. The helplessness comes from the feeling of "it was only an accident." But then I reailzed that it wasn't an accident, it was a disregard for the rules, and that just made me angrier. You see in Ultimate the rules strictly prohibit a man from agressivly charging a woman (since it's coed) in the manner that the man who charged Meriel did. The rules also prohibit one from reaching over the offensive teams player to grab the disc, which he also did. These rules were put in place to prevent exactly what happened, an injury. The man on the opposing team completely disregarded two rules designed to protect people and injured my friend. This upsets me to no end. Aggressiveness is one thing, but when you're playing in the lowest level of the city league for fun, no matter how much you may want to win, cheating is not the way to do it. This is recreational, not competitive. Fortunately for him I am not an aggressive person. I have two very big sticks, both of which I know how to wield quite well, that are just itching to have his name put on them (whatever that may be). But no, I shall not give into my anger. Instead I shall continue to take care of my friend in whatever manner is possible.
02:07 a.m.

Metroid Hunter

Sunday, April 25, 2004
Well that was the longest Ultimate game I've ever played. Ok so I really only played for half of it, the other half was spent in the ER with Meriel who ended up with a head wound. Basically what happened was she was in the endzone waiting for the disc to come and one of the really tall guys on the opposing team reached up over her (which you're not allowed to do, especially if your a guy going against a girl) and grabbed the disc. However his elbow came down on her head really hard afterwords and gave her a nice little gash about an inch and half above her ear. There was a nice big pool of blood on the ground afterwords since head wounds bleed a lot.

After we called the paramedics and they bandaged her up enough for us to move her Josh, his roommate, and I took her to the ER. Fortunately they let me stay with her as they took care of the wound. They ended up stapling it together with 5 staples. Kinda weird though cuz they stick out of her head a little. And it's a good thing I'm not squeamish, cuz that was a lot of blood. But it's all good, they got her all fixed up and then we took her home. But man I'm really drained now and I didn't even do anything. I was gonna go do some shopping I needed to take care of but I just don't have the motivation to do it anymore. Oh well, Meriel is ok and that's what's important.
06:30 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Friday, April 23, 2004
Haven't blogged much lately, then again not much has been going on. Finished my first project for my art class this week so I have nothing to do in the way of homework this weekend (yay). This is good since I'd rather not be focusing on anything school related. Yeah I got a bit of senioritis, good thing I don't really have anything to do so I can sit here and do nothing.

It's kinda odd, this has been my easiest term ever and yet I feel like I'm always doing something and have no time to do much of anything. I may not have much in the way of classes, but I have enough work to make up for it. When I'm not in class I'm working and I have Akido so I'm still at school till 7pm everynight. Evenings are usually taken up with something. At least my weekends are less chaotic. Well slightly less chaotic.

Meh, it's kinda silly really considering that I don't do anything at work. It's weird because it always feels like I'm on the verge of having to do something for either work, school, or just people in general when in reality I don't really have anything to do. Maybe that's what's throwing me off, I actually have nothing to do and I'm not used to it. Then again having a boyfriend adds to the equation. It's been a while so I'm not used to the time demands yet. It also doesn't help that I'm leaving in a month and a half so we spend every moment we can together. Such is life.

I've come to the realization that I really need to clean my room. It's a mess and I gotta do something with some of that stuff. It doesn't help that I still have a shitload of architecture stuff sitting in my room. If it weren't sitting there I'd have more space and it would be easier to get to my places of storage for my crap. I need to ditch my books too, I don't really need them so. Hopefully I can get around to doing that either later today or tomorrow before I go hang out with Tsua.
10:55 a.m.

Metroid Hunter

Sunday, April 18, 2004
So I saw all of Kill Bill this weekend, parts 1 & 2 and I actualy like it. Although part 2 was much better than part 1 in my opinion. Then again it had less killing and more storyline which helped to explain all the killing in part 1. Over all though it was good.

Finally saw Pulp Fiction for the first time this weekend too (yes I know, most of you are in shock that I hadn't seen it until yesterday). That was a good movie too. It was a very Terantio filled weekend.

In other news Jeromy decided to give me some of his star wars stuff before he leaves Eugene. Now I was shocked by this, but hell who am I to complain if it means I get more Star Wars stuff. So yeah that was cool too. I now own another version of the Star Wars Monopoly, a second set of the ESB widevision and ROTJ widevision cards, a second Trivial Pursuit, records for ESB, a couple of toothbrushes, and some lego keychains. So yeah more shit to add to my collection, yay. I shall treasure it all like I treasure the rest of it.

So yeah that's about it for my weekend, been procrastinating with doing my homework (big surprise there) and yeah I have an ultimate game here in an hour and a half so I gotta take off.
01:22 p.m.

Metroid Hunter

Wednesday, April 14, 2004
So I finally picked up my computer today and all I can say is HOLY SHIT! That's not a laptop, it's a fucking Behemoth! But it's my fucking Behemoth. ^_^ So yeah I'm busy setting it all up right now. The cool thing is it came with an actual backpack to carry it around in, which is good considering the fact that it weighs 9lbs. This is also good because I've been meaning to get a new backpack and now I get one for free.
10:28 a.m.

Metroid Hunter

Tuesday, April 13, 2004
woo hoo my computer is currently in Portland. Which means that theorehtically it should be here tomorrow. *crosses fingers*
12:23 a.m.

Metroid Hunter

Monday, April 12, 2004
w00tage!!! My computer is done and is being shipped off today. Which means I'll have it by the end of the week. It's being shipped as two different packages for some reason, I know not why, but I don't ask. I just hope I'll be home when it arrives so that I don't have to wait all weekend before I can get it.
10:44 a.m.

Metroid Hunter

Sunday, April 11, 2004
Why does life hate me so? Ever since my return from spring vacation things have been off. I haven't had a chance to slow down yet really. Despite the fact that I have only one class it along with my 16 hours of work and time spent with my friends leaves me with very little time to myself. I know I could always decline my friends invitation, however since they are sometimes few and far between I usually tend to go. Lately it has been multiple sets of friends too so the burden of finding time for them all has been greater. Needless to say life has not given me the time to just sit alone and think lately.

Things have been further complication by the recent aquisition of a boyfriend. Despite the fact that we both know I'm leaving in two months we have decided that two months together would be better than nothing. So here I stand with a relationship that may or may not last depending on the events of the following two months. However that is not the problem. I am finding that getting back into a relationship (a real relationship) is rather difficult. I am afriad. Afraid of what could happen. Afraid of things turning out like they did with Jeromy. The events that happened with Jeromy were very emotionally burdensom and I fear their return. I do not think I could survive that again. If that did happen for some reason I fear that I could never again be in a serious relationship. Therefor I am afraid.

This is not the only fear I have at this time. I fear for my other emotions as well. I once thought them strong, but they have betrayed me. They again lead me into uncertenty. I recieved a phone call from my mom last night. One in which she again tried to convince me that I should quit school and come home in order to save money. I don't think she quite understands that after spending four years of my life here I can not just uproot myself and move within a matter of weeks. I need time to prepare myself for my departure. I need to know how much time I have left here and how much time I have to say goodbye. I love my friends here, and the realization that I will have to leave them soon hurt me deeply.

Some of my friends as of late have not been as receptive to my emotions as I would wish them to be. They make fun of me or joke about my situation. I ask for help finding answers and they laugh. These emotions I carry now I take very seriously but they do not seem to see it that way. Then again why should they? They all seem to have life figured out. I am the lonely soul trying to find my way in a sea of darkness and only a few have actually attempted to help me find the way. The rest have only succeeded in making these wounds deeper. I know they do not do it purpousfully. I don't think they realize how I feel about it.

In the end life will move on and I will endevour to catch up to it. I have realized that I must follow my own path and not follow the paths of others. That is why I must move away. I must follow the path carved out for my future instead of the path of least resistance. I must leave everything and everyone I know behind and sacrifice it all to move forward. I must be me.
04:34 a.m.

Metroid Hunter