Thursday, June 19, 2003 - 3:16 pm

Back from the dentist. My teeth are beginning to wake up and slowly realize the horror which has just befallen them. (Horror in the shape of a temporary crown and two fillings). To make myself feel better, I went and wandered around Munsinger Gardens for awhile, where I came to realize just how nice it is to not be employed and stuck indoors on days as beautiful as this. (Ha ha. I don't have to work and you do.)

Yeah, I'm feelin' a little better now...

Thursday, June 19, 2003 - 12:15 am

Welp. I've gone and turned in pre-applications to a couple of temp agencies today. Not sure if much will come of it as these agencies are ones which happen to specialize in irregular, day-labor type jobs which aren't even remotely in my area of career interest, (and which pay their employees in rocks, leaves, and raccoon pelts,) but I thought I'd make one desperate, last-ditch effort to find a job locally before I'm forced to start cold-calling, and generally making a nuisance of myself at print shops and design firms in other area codes. (I'm sure the people who WORK at those print shops and design firms over in the other area codes would deeply appreciate this fact if they knew of it.)

I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on this whole unemployment thing. I try to tell myself it's as much an opportunity as it is a life-shattering, depression-inducing personal catastrophe. I remind myself of all the things I've learned from watching endless hours upon hours of daytime television. Case in point: Just today, while I was watching the Family Feud, I learned the all-important, life-altering lesson that when choosing the person who's going to pull cleanup, second-round-of-questions duty in the Bonus Round, one should NOT choose the rock-stupidest member of the family. I mean. My god. The woman they had up there, when she had been asked earlier in the game to "Name something with teeth" she responded with "bird." BIRD!!!! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME WAS HER FAMILY THINKING WHEN THEY LET HER INTO THE BONUS ROUND? I mean, with one exception, the entire family looked and sounded as if it itself had had a few chromosomes missing or broken. So I suppose it really can't be their fault if the member they've chosen to represent them in the all-important bonus round gets asked to "name a school subject which kids love" and responds by saying "Beverly Hills". And gets a 4 out of a possible 200+ points.

The sad thing is that this woman, as bereft of intelligence as she is, probably has a job. And a damn good one, too... *Sigh*...

Some other things I've learned from watching daytime TV (notably, some of the Court TV shows): If someone with whom you are in an intimate relationship loans you money and you consequently break up, you can NOT claim that the money was a GIFT. You MUST pay the money BACK. Even if the guy you loaned it to is a total jerk who rapes nuns and eats babies and goes to Adam Sandler movies in his spare time. Not paying back money you owe is called STEALING, folks. Sheesh. (Wouldn't it be nice if the judges who had to preside over these shows were given permission to mete out capital punishment to plantiffs who brought in frivolous lawsuits, or to defendants who tried to worm their way out of lawful financial obligations by using half-baked strategies filled with denial and flimsy reason?)

Defendant: No, Judge Judy, that 1400 dollars the plaintiff loaned me. He told me it was a GIFT.

Judge Judy: But he has a promissory note which specifically states that the money was a loan. One which was signed by YOU in the presence of several witnesses, one of whom was your own mother who has, incidentally, dragged herself out of her own deathbed just to come here to this courtroom to testify against you.

Defendant: Uhmm... All I know is that money was a GIFT.

Judge Judy: *Pulls Uzi out from under her robe and shoots defendant's face off*

Now THAT'S some reality television I'd like to see.

One more thing I've learned from watching daytime television: If your spouse and/or significant other tells you they have a secret which they want to reveal to you on a daytime talk show in front of millions of people, consider your relationship with this person OVER. Done. Finito. Oh, and your children... they probably aren't yours. They probably belong to one of the fifteen guys your wife was sleeping with while you were over in another state visiting your cancer-stricken, bedridden father. You poor cuckolded bastard. I'd certainly hate to be you.

Ah, now I've finally learned the most important lesson which daytime television has taught me: It's the reason WHY I watch daytime television in the first place. To see people on this earth who are even BIGGER losers than I am and to realize my own situation in life could be much, much worse. And to consequently, feel much, much better about myself.

Ahhh...I'll need to have those good vibes goin' because tomorrow morning I go back to the dentists to have extremely painful and extremely expensive things done to my precious teeth. Which have never hurt A SINGLE SOUL in their entire lives. *Sniff*. It's so unfair...

Tuesday, June 17, 2003 - 6: 02 pm.

To reiterate what I reported this past Sunday: Hamlet the Manga has been updated. The new stuff begins here. I've also placed some original panel artwork I drew for Hamlet and a pair of Alucard cosplay gloves up for sale on ebay, so if any of those things sound like something you'd be interested in getting your hands on, go bid on 'em.

I'm starting to believe there is some kind of cosmic conspiracy afoot whose sole intention is to prevent me from finding gainful employment. Anywhere. A week ago it was the print shop located on the Amazing Road Which Doesn't Exist. This week it's the Temp Agency which Magically Picked Up Stakes and Moved to the Other Side of the Universe even though the latest phone book (which just arrived on my doorstep last week and is reputedly good thru 2004), insists that they're still at their old location at the Midtown Mall. Fine. Whatever. I'm pretty much to the point now where I'm taking shit like this in stride. Having been possessed of an innate streak of fatalistic cynicism my entire life, I am able to get through situations like this with relatively little in the way of emotional trauma (Save the default, day-to-day low-level trauma which has been a constant presence in my life ever since the day I first realized I could never ever get filthy stinking rock-star rich from being an artist.)

Ah. life. It can really suck sometimes. I mean...really.

Sunday, June 15, 2003 - 12:53 am

Okay. Scheme #1 for Keeping Amethyst Angel out of the Poorhouse has officially been set into motion. Behold these nice Alucard from Hellsing gloves that I have made. They've been crafted from a stretchy cotton, and, in a nice touch of accuracy, have buttoned bands sewn around the wrists. Sizewise, they fit onto my hands pretty well, and I've got pretty big bones for a woman. (Which isn't something I like to trumpet to the world at large. Except under special circumstances such as these.) If you're a huge, hulking man (say, the Hulk, fr'instance) I suspect you might have a problem fitting them onto your fingers, but most normal-sized, non-genetically mutated people shouldn't have a problem.

Oh. Scheme #2 for Keeping Amethyst Angel out of the Poorhouse has also been set into motion. I have posted for sale, on ebay a series of pages of the original artwork I used to make Hamlet: the Manga. That's right. Now YOU can own your very own piece of Hamlet for an extremely low introductory price of 5 dollars per page. (Depending on how well these auctions go, I may place additional pages up for sale in the future, so if you want to get your hands on some more highly collectible Hamlet-y goodness, then bid, bid, bid.)

Oh, in a shameless ploy to draw attention to this hare-brained money-making scheme these online auctions featuring quality artwork from my Hamlet manga, I have gone and added five new pages to said Hamlet manga. That's right. An actual, honest to god Hamlet update. I bet THAT caught you by surprise, didn't it? Go read it. Now.