Have you forgotten, everything that I wanted?...

SongMood-My Happy Ending... >>Avril Lavigne

Andy
Jo
Jon

The current mood of melissa_daisy5@hotmail.com at www.imood.com


powered by SignMyGuestbook.com

From the Start

Stuck in the Middle

Thanx watching as I fall and letting me know we were done...
Well what do ya know! My gut instincts were right again. I'm thinking that maybe having a relationship isn't exactly in the cards for me right now. Whcih really isn't that big of a deal. I don't mind being single, more than likely better off. I can focus on finishing school and starting a career...wow that's scary. Just every once in awhile you get lonely. And when you get lonely you tend to think of the past and the what ifs. One memory after another flows through your mind followed by destructing path of emotions. It's a lot to take at once, but reality it is. I'm not a huge fan of digging out but yet I keep going through all the time. You'd think I'd learn after the first trip down memory lane. Not me. I like to re-live each an every moment more than once. So do you truly only fall in love with one person in a lifetime? Or are the words just said because that's what you should do when you have nothing to say. Love, such a strong word that goes hand in hand with the emotion that it brings. It's unstoppable, spontaneous and a deadly weapon all in one 4 letter word. One that will either make or break a relationship. So I want you all to be careful when you throw that word around. Think before you speak, think how it may affect a person's life. And truly mean it, when and if you do say it.

I love you

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

My Happy Ending...
"You were everything, everything that I wanted. We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it. And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away. All this time you were pretending. So much for my happy ending..." --My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne

So I'm thinking that I either did something wrong or said something wrong. Really I have no clue. All I know is that there has been a fair bit of distance throughout this past week. Which is odd to go from talking everyday to once in a week. It kinda scares. Also frustrating, realizing that no matter the age, guys will always be afraid of admitting. So avoidance is their only way out. Makes my stomach turn and my head spin. I spent time trying to get to know you, understand you. And now here I am, the girl sitting outside your box, waiting for a wall to give way. I let you in, so why aren't you letting me in. What have I done wrong? Did I offend you, just please tell me. I don't get it. It doesn't make sense. You claimed to have a good time, I guess the time wasn't good enough...

"Show me the meaning of being lonely. Is this the feeling I need to walk with. Tell me why, I can't be there where you are. There's something missing in my heart..."--Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely by BSB

Thursday, July 8, 2004

Confident
Well I kinda just got home from a date. What I called a date anyway. Not really sure if it was or not. I always seem to get the mixed signals. I'm not a fan of those. i wish that people could just throw everything out in the open ahead of time. Now wouldn't that be nice. So we went to see Dodgeball which happens to be a pretty funny movie. I enjoyed it. I also enjoyed the company. Always laughing. Humour is important. I just don't think that he sees me in the way I want him to... That just seems to be the feeling and or vibe that I get from him. Which in away is pretty shit because I dont' want to invest all this time and effort into nothing. But I'm too scared to ask straight out..so I guess the waiting game has been put into full effect...wish me luck!

Monday, July 5, 2004

Coy...
Well it's been kinda of a while since I've written in this little do hicky. So maybe I should do some refreshing for ya'll. Since I've last written I've finished half of my semester of school and went to North Bay with my friends, kinda just for the ride. Tons of fun was had!! I go back today to London, which I'm kind of excited about I miss my londonites!! Tuesday will mark the beginning of my rest of the half semseter. Confusing and stupid I know, but that's how they worked it out this time through. I got my stuff for 4th semester..and I'm just hoping I've got the funds to cover it. Cross your fingers ya'll. Donations welcome..LOL.

Boy wise, I'm not really sure what's going on anymore. Yes I care and then I don't at the same time. Gotta love mixed signals. Ahh well, when it happens it will happen and if it doesn't. I wasted a whole lotta good time. Lol. Anyways...I'm outtie!

Sunday, July 4, 2004

Dream About the Days to Come...
"So kiss me and smile for me, tell me that you'll wait for me. Hold me like you'll never let me go..." --Leaving on a Jet Plane by Chantal Kreviazuk

This past weekend I was up in North Bay, visiting. It was such a long trip going up there. But in the end I would day that it was well worth it. Although distance, and time stands between us, Sarah and I are still the best of friends we were before when we lived in the same city. And that totally makes me happy that I still have that connection with her. I loved spending the weekend with her and was happy that she took the whole weekend off for me. It made me feel special, what a geek I am. I also got to see my close guy friend James. We had a good night, talkin' non-stop. I'm happy that's he's stuck around unlike others in North Bay who I was close with. He and I have solid friendship and it makes me smile all the time. That's about all I miss in North Bay. Which is sad, but the friends you knew when you were young, aren't always your friends when you grow old. I thought it was possible but it's clearly not. Which is sad, but that's how life works. You move on from it.

After my weekend in the Bay, I'm kinda torn on what on what to happen my life relationship wise. And it's kinda frustrating, but some of Sarah's comments mad me re-think things. People bring some much to the table, it's almost like you have eenie meanie miney moe it..and I don't want to have to chose who I like that way and nor will I. I just wish I had reassurance...

"All that you see is me, and all I truly believe.That I was born to try, I've learned to love. Be understanding, and believe in life. But you gotta make choices, be wrong or right. Sometimes you gotta sacrifice the things you like..." --Born to Try by Delta Goodrem

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Slipped Away...
"The day you slipped away, was the day I found it won't be the same...Now you're gone, There you go. Somewhere I can't bring you back. Now you're gone, There you go. Somewhere you're not coming back..." --Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne

I know that from the title of my entry and the lyrics put ahead of this, most of you will be confused because it really has nothing to do with my entry. The reason being is because I'm in the happiest mood right now. Things are finally startin' to go my way!! Which is quite exciting. On friday night I stayed up until 3am talkin' on the net to the boy . And it was good. I asked him what was going on between us. To which he responded " I don't know, but I do know that I love talking to you and when we got together last time, I was in fucked up place because I had just graduated and was on the job hunt. But now that I have the job and am kinda stable at this point in time, we should try to get together more. But it's hard because I work a lot now and you go home every weekend." To which I told him that I don't have to go home every weekend, and that if I have a reason to stay then I will stay. So we're going to try this out and see what happens. SO everyone cross your fingers for me because I really like this boy and I really want this to work. I mean if it doesn't yeah I'll be kinda upset but not devasted, no worries. So then last night, I was talkin to him on msn but his net kept on cutting in and out. And I had just left the room to use the facilities, next thing I know the boy had called me. Because his net wouldn't let him back on, and I guess he wanted to talk. And talk we did for 2 and half hours. SO CUTE! Right now I'm flying HIGH!! Happiest gurl in the world over here. hehe, I'm so cheesy. When you work hard for something and it pays off..you'd be as happy as I am as well.

Monday, June 14, 2004

Forgotten...
"Have you forgotten? Everything that I wanted? Do you forget it now? You never got it. Do you get it now?"- Forgotten by Avril Lavigne

Yeah that's right. Avril Lavigne. I'm not embarassed to say that I've been listening to a lot of her lately. Surprisingly her new album is actually pretty good. I was impressed. But the reason behind it's greatness is the fact that the husband/wife team of Chantal Kreviazuk and Raine Maida..made it happen. If it weren't for them...it would suck. I'm totally lovin' the song Forgotten, the chorus is above and her other song that I love is Together. People you should go check it out. So moving on to the point of my entry which happens to be about a boy in which I seem to always be moving two steps forward or two steps back. Very complicated and simple at the same time. It's actually frustrating, but makes me smile. I love talkin' to him and could spend hours doing so. But like what is he waiting for. I think that I'm quite obvious about where my feelings stand but maybe he doesn't see that. Maybe I need a bright neon sign flashing over my head that reads "I REALLY LIKE YOU.." lol. That would be pretty apparent. I guess time will only tell at least that's what I keep saying to myself. Some say I should just tell him straight out, and if only I had the guts to do so, maybe I'd be a little further ahead. I keep thinking that I really want this to work and be amazing, I should just let all the puzzle pieces fall into place on their own.

Monday, June 7, 2004

Leave...
"Get Out, (leave) right now, It's the end of you and me. It's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone . 'Cause I know about her (boo) and I wonder (why) how I bought all the lies. You said that you would treat me right but you was just a waste of time (waste of time..." -Leave(Get Out) by JoJo

I started off with having something to say, but everything I wanted to say has seemed to slip my mind. I kinda have mixed feelings at this point in time. I know that lately I've been going on and on about this boy. Really its not getting me and further and if anything it's only making me be 2 steps behind. And no one wants to be left behind. That's the feelings I've been getting these last few days. Now with our schedules out of whack and not exactly crossing at the same point...the more steps I seem to fall back. I just wish I could have some kinda of reassurance. I don't wanna fight something that is only one sided. Me, being the one that feels and he being the one that walks. A huge ordeal if he did, but I'm not about to stand in the way either..we all make our own decisions in our time. I just have to learn to step back, be patient..and that life really does go on...boy or no boy...

"Anytime you need love baby I’m on your side. Just let me be the one that can make it all right. Anytime you need love baby you’re in my heart, I can make it all right..." -Anytime by Kelly Clarkson

Tuesday, June 1, 2004

Beautiful Disaster
"Oh cuz I don’t know, I don’t know what he’s after. But he’s so beautiful, Such a beautiful disaster. And if I could hold on, Through the tears and the laughter. Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster..." Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson

"Alive, alive Alive, alive..." Those are the words that are screaming inside of my head, bursting to get free. I feel so happy, crap free and ever so alive. Although this only happnes kinda rarely, it's an amazing feeling. Each day brings me one step closer to getting what I want. Although the matter is never discussed we both are aware of it's obvious nature. A lot of things are meant to be and others take time to get to that point. But let me tell you, you'll know when it happens, and you'll feel that it was well worth the long and tedious wait. But you learn to live through each day of waiting with a smile on your face because you have the strongest feeling that the end result is going to rock your world.

"I will love you, until my dying day..." - Moulin Rouge

Friday, May 28, 2004

Kathy
Lisa
Shelley
Tee

Site Fights Spirit Counter