My last entry was a harsh reality. One that happened but didn't so much happen at the same time. I thought I had to make a choice. It was either all or nothing. And I picked all. But I'm pretty positive I didn't get it all. There's a piece missing. Something has changed, because I can feel it. And that's not what I wanted. I don't want there to be this distant silence. Although close, it's still so far out there. What happened? Can one night change the future. Is there a future. Maybe I'm just trying to hard. Maybe I shouldn't try at all. Each day is better than the last, but with feeling the change, it's all going to cause the space to grow into a huge void. I don't want that to happen. But I can't stop it or you. You are in control. What you want to happen next, it soley up to you. I hope you know that I'm always going to be here for you whenever you need me. Please don't forget that. I'll use a common line, things have changed. As in me... Perhaps you don't believe me, and if you don't. Hopefully this will help. So here I am, letting go, for everyone to read. It's over. No more. I can't. It's only hurting me, and ruining everything else. There's nothing to hold on to. There wasn't even possibility. I wanted what I couldn't have. And that wasn't fair, and I truly am deeply sorry for all the frustration I have caused you. I'm not always an easy person to deal with. And I have huge problems not expressing my emotions. Patience I guess. So tomorrow is another day and yet a new day. Because all my hopes, dreams and aspirations have flown away, and tomorrow I make news ones. Thank you for being in my life. For everything that you've done for me. You're best, couldn't have asked for better. I love you for you are, who you were and who you will be. Don't give up on what you want, you'll get it...in time. Thank you...
Your Friend, always and forever...Melissa*
Sunday, December 12, 2004