I'm riding high upon a deep depression...

don't try to analyze me when you have no idea
Saturday, November 2, 2002 i saw the ring. it was pretty bad, but the guy was cute...plus everyone in the theatre was screaming...so it was fun to sit there and laugh at them. annelise and i are going to make a parody of it called "the period" featuring people saying "28 days", "only girls will suffer", and much screaming whilst tampons and pads dangle everywhere. anywho...is it bad that whenever i see ricky sign online i need to take a shit. he has control over my bowel movements now. ha! i never believed that i could despise a person so much while still wanting to fuck them. ha! methinks i might take up some guys on their offers of sex! hehehe! I'm so excited with my fanfiction account. It's so nice to hear from others that my poetry touched them. halloween was fun. i went trick or treating with annelise, diana, nicole, ryan, erin, and john. we sang people christmas carols when they came to the door. how great is that? we've decided that we're going to get together for christmas and actually practise before the next time. oh what fun! well...off to take another shit due to seeing a certain someone sign on...au revoir! love you!

stripped bare...i'm the same old savage
Wednesday, October 30, 2002 so russell and i hung out at higleys the other day. there was a poor child with a mullet. he's going to have severe emotional problems later on in life just because of that probably. anywho...yesterday was the halloween ball. i went as shirley manson. erin was supposed to be a french person, but she ended up looking like monica lewinski with her beret. ha! it was quite entertaining. today was a good day at school. when i got home, i went in for an mri to see if my cyst is growing. then i went to my psychologist, who i'm seeing every 6 weeks. she was happy to see me since it had been so long. we decided the whole 6 week thing because i was doing better...and yes...this was even after the whole break up fiasco. college applications are getting me stressed, but tomorrow is halloween. so, i'm not going to let them get me down just yet. i've counted up my garbage collection to 70 cds/records/tapes. i should do a total memorabilia count...ha...that would be too hard to do though. oh well! everyday i'm increasingly falling in love with so many new people at school. richard, the british guy, is so absolutely adorable. scott, a junior in my english class, is hilarious. we sit in english laughing at eachother the whole time. at this point...none of my friends are pissing me or anyone else off too. it's nice...hopefully i didn't just jinx myself. well...off to spend more money! love you!

ziggy played guitar...
Wednesday, October 23, 2002 i'm in such high spirits. we just finished our first concert. it wasn't so great, but it was fun. andrew came too, and so we went out to higleys after to celebrate. twas much fun and excitement. tonight's entry shall be short cos i can't think of anything more to say...i love you all...good night!

sex never goes out of fashion
Tuesday, October 22, 2002 so i went to the hospital today...whoopee...much fun. so i went to homecoming with dustin. that was great. we had dinner at star cafe. i shared a pizza with john, which turned out to be very good. then it was off to the dance. it was so much fun cos everybody was able to dance with everybody. it was nice not being in a couple actually. after the dance, we went to nicole's house and played some games. needless to say there was nudity and many sexual inuendos. diana, emma, and i slept over and went to breakfast int he morning. it was one of those really great bonding times, and i got to hang out with diana...i really love hanging out with her because like russell, she'll tell me when i'm being stupid or being smart. there are those people that will always tell you that you're wrong no matter what...ie. ricky...and then there are those people who will tell you that you are right no matter what...ie. nicole. but diana and russell are honest. i appreciate that. also, i never get to hang out with her cos she's always at band stuff. so it was nice to finally hang out with her a little. i'm so relieved finally. i'm completely over ricky in an emotional level. sure, i still think about him sexually sometimes, but those thoughts quickly fade when i realize what an awful person he really is. i mean...thinking about him now disgusts me. i can't believe what kind of a mean person he is. i did love him. he was a good person. i loved that person, but now...he's very different. he's become a bitter, spiteful person. well that chapter is over...so i'm moving on. i can't wait til college to meet new people, mainly guys. I also can't wait til i'm 18 so i can start my career in porn. i'm so antsy to begin...i've already been looking up jobs. well...it's getting late...so i'm going to say "good night!" i love you!

Look...They bounce back
Wednesday, October 16, 2002 so i deleted the poem. you'll never be able to read it again. i took a whole pack of flu pills, yet i still have yet to figure out a way of really obliterating myself with drugs. i've also thought about the situation and i know that i wasn't in my right mind. don't worry. i know not to kill myself now. i can't wait til saturday...homecoming is coming up and i'm going with dustin. he's such a cutey...if only i was a man or he weren't gay...sigh...oh well. i had a great day at school today. mrs. rios says that i can conduct the choir sometime in the future. i'm so excited! we finally get to sing at a school pep rally too. normally, only chamber get to, but this year it's different. i know i say this every year, but i really love my choir this year more than any other choir before. we've got such a great energy amongst us. although we are a little too hyper, we sound great when we actually do concentrate and do our work. i'm reallp proud of us, and i can't wait til our concert next wednesday. i need to keep reminding myself to be positive. especially now, when it seems like some people are just trying to put me down. tomorrow...we're making chicken pot pies...yes!!! hehehe...one of my favourites. well time to sleep now...good night. i love you!

Today's the day when dreaming ends...
Sunday, October 13, 2002 So I had an amazing time at Knott's tonight. It ended up being me, erin, jason, nicole, ryan, ricky, monica, emma, ajay, shaun, and john. i had an amazing time until ricky and i got into yet another fight. yes, he hit me with his car intentionally. yes, i may have deserved it. yes, i'm definitely over him for now. but none of that really matters anymore. it's come to my attention, through ricky, that everyone is sick of putting up with my "shit". i personally think i should be allowed to have "shit" to put up with since i put up with everyone else's. i bring pain to those around me, so i'm done. i'm leaving you all. go to my homepage for a little more info...not to mention the most horrible poem i've ever written in my life...and i'm sorry. i really never meant to hurt anyone. i didn't want to make you guys feel so awful ever. now you won't have to anymore. i love you all still. good bye.

i wanna rock and roll all night...
Wednesday, October 9, 2002 erin and i just got back from her brother's little mini concert. he performed at the 7/8 talent show. they were absolutely adorable. i also got to see the seventh and eighth grade choirs, which so much fun cos it reminded me of when i was there in junior high. we're going to knott's scary farm on saturday, which ryan pointed out sounded like "not scary farm". so today was fun. economics was nothing...as usual. choir was fun and exciting. english was fun. i made a garbage presentation and mrs kadletz danced around to "push it". that made my day. well...my leg hurts so i'm going to complain about it. good night! *hugs and kisses* soundtrack for today...vogue-madonna

all alone and thinking of you...
Tuesday, October 8, 2002 so i've been quite miserable lately with the fact that even i find myself to be repulsive to look at. normally, i'm the only one who finds myself attractive, and when that's gone, i have nothing. i've decided that it's okay to be ugly cos then you don't have to deal with people. of course, that would all be nice if i wasn't such a little sexpot of a girl. i need a man...just his body though. none of that emotional crap will be needed in the near future. ha! so what happened today? nothing really...slept during precal, bounced during econ, ate during foods, sang during choir, drew during sociology, and was called the best student in the class by ms anselm during english. it was quite an uneventful day. we should be going to knott's scary farm this weekend though. oh...btw...i went to the royal ball alone, but it ended up being fun anyway. my sister, of course, decided to tell my mum that i had people sleep over, so that was no good. i didn't tell on her for having people over. i can't believe how stupid some people can be sometimes, but then again...we all make mistakes and do stupid things. so that's all for now...i love you all! soundtrack for today is...garbage...push it...yummy! *hugs*