I'm riding high upon a deep depression...

replicate and replicate and replicate...
Monday, December 2, 2002 argh! i'm sick of a certain friend copying every god damn thing i do! she's gotten to the point where her favourite bands are garbage and silverchair, but instead of actually listening to their music, she listens to one song off each album. that is not liking the band! that is liking a song! grrr...ok. i'm done bitching. nothing really happened today. we went back to school. there were many tired people wandering around the campus. i was able to write a poem titled "i'm sorry but i hate you", but it won't be going up just yet. i have to fix it a little. well...that's about it...a short one today. good night! soundtrack: special...garbage (do you have an opinion? a mind of your own? i thought you were special. i thought you should know.)

boggle boggle boggle?
Friday, November 29, 2002 so turkey day was yesterday. it happens to be my favourite holiday. i love being able to eat stuffing and mashed potatoes with gravy and all that good stuff. we even had pork, so i had that instead of turkey. i ate way too much though. i didn't even have enough room for dessert! that's fine with me though. i have pie a lot more than i have stuffing and all that good stuff. i had a lot of fun with my family, and my cousin's new boyfriend jammed on his guitar. my cousin, ben, made us play boggle. of course, he won being the english major that he is. we also played pictionary, which always turns out to be hilarious. the whole time i was drunk off my arse too. twas quite bad yet still fun. methinks that's about all that happened yesterday, so good bye!!! soundtrack: ohwir!!!

laundry day is a very dangerous day...heh heh
Thursday, November 28, 2002 so garbage rocked! they played supervixen, itip, shut your mouth, wigu, cup of coffee, push it, cherry lips, #1 crush, ohwir, and vow. short set...but you know how it goes when you're an opening band. last time i saw them they played push it, #1 crush, wigu, ijwhstd, milk, shut your mouth, parade, stupid girl, gbwtf, cherry lips, vow, supervixen, and ohwir. if you want to know what the abbreviations mean, ask me. shirley was so sexy and cute, as usual. she even got down on her knees at one point. yummy! not many garbage fans were there. the majority of the people were there for no doubt, but that's to be expected. all the bands did really well. brody even said she wanted to fuck shirley manson...to which i replied "me too" enthusiastically. mammoth was a nice way to relax. i basically spent the whole time playing video games in my bed. it was nice. when i got home, diana and i decided it was time for some coffee tawk at higleys. then, we decided to go to the alumni basketball game to see simon and daniel, but we got there too late. whilst on our way over there, someone kept flashing their brights at us. we were pissed off until we realized that it was ricky. so he called to apologize about that, which was nice of him even if we didn't care. then we went over to his house. yes, he was able to be in my presence without gauging things. it was fun. i really miss him as a friend. then we talked for a while online after diana and i left...and we were pretty damn civil. yay! kudos to patching up relationships. hopefully things keep going in that direction. anyway...thanksgiving is tomorrow, and i can't wait to fill my plate with stuffing! yummy! hehehe! well...i'm off...good night! *muah* soundtrack for today...totally kick my ass!

mickey house, laverne and shirley, and chainmail...
Saturday, November 23, 2002 thursday night was fabulous cos erin, shaun, and i went out to in n out burger before going to comedy sportz. it was fun, but it really made me realize how much i miss last year's seniors that much more. on the way home, erin was singing (and consequently not payingm uch attention to the road)...causing us to nearly hit something. it was so great cos after that she said, "we don't need alcohol."...to which we both exclaimed at the same time, "we're high on life!" it was one of the most absolutely hilarious things ever. hehehe! on friday russell and i decided to hang out together at higleys. felicia walked in a little after we got there, so we decided to all go to russell's house nad watch american beauty, one of my favourite movies ever. it was great. the rest of my night was spent just lounging cos i was just really exhausted. i wasn't even going to go out that night because i was so tired, but i hardly get to hang out with russell anymore compared to how things used to be. he's so busy with band, so it's nice that we at least go out once a week to hang out. i'm going to see the garbage/no doubt/distillers concert tonight! joy of joys! i can't wait to see shirley again. this will be my first garbage concert where butch is actually present too. it's just too bad that garbage aren't headlining. boo on that! oh well...it shall be much fun. then, tomorrow, i'm off to mammoth. bleh! i don't want to go...but i'll just have to make the best of it. gtg...au revoir! muah! *hugs*

mr. peanut's not a nazi...he's a legume!
Wednesday, November 20, 2002 today was so great. it was weird that we had a wednesday off from school, but it was also kind of refreshing. we were going to see 8 mile, but the theatre wouldn't let me in cos i didn't have any i.d. that was fine, since we went to get ice cream and wandered around old town. it was just me, nicole, erin, and annelise wandering. we spent a long time in barnes and noble, which was fun cos i found a great thingy for emma. later, we decided to go to higleys (how different!). it was great cos diana met us there and i got to talk with her for a little while after everyone left. ooo...and my scott was there with lawrence. it was so great seeing them, cos i'm in love with both of them! i also so melissa, who made me introduce her to everyone cos she was gossiping. then bill kept bothering me for ricky's phone number because he has it in his head that ricky lied to him. showing great maturity, i told him "no" because that wouldn't be fair to ricky. all in all...it was one of those good, uneventful, hangout days that i oh so love! yay! i do, however, need to get me some loving cos i'm horny as hell! grr argh! hehehe...well...au revoir! muah! soundtrack for today...cake...i will survive!

i can make an honest man of you...i can make you clean if you want me to
Tuesday, November 19, 2002 argh! i feel like crap. i had to leave anne's party early cos i was getting really bloated and hot. i was also falling asleep...which isn't normally good at a party. it was fun though. monica's mum made lots of yummy food. anne was so surprised. she's one of the sweetest and cutest people ever. i love her so much! so the whole yearbook situation got cleared up...which makes me happy cos justice was served! yay! i ate too much! emma and i went to higleys before the party, and i had a pecan pie. yummy...but oof! there was a guy there who thought he was just so cool...he was like 23 and he kept showing off to us. we decided he was my bitch. ha! anywho...it was fun going to the party even if i had to leave early. ooo...i did a whole shirley painting and it turned out soooo well! i'm so happy cos i'm not normally proud of the finished product of my paintings...but this one makes me really happy! yay!well...i'm off to plop myself on my bed. good night! muah!

you said i ruined your life...i didn't mean to do that
Monday, November 18, 2002 oh my god! i'm in love with the little msn butterfly thingy. ha! anyway...today i went to the neurologist. basically...i should continue my medicine. she hasn't gotten my new mri scans yet...so i don't know what's going on with those. i had horrible headaches all weekend. it's so weird that we have wednesday off. it's kind of nice though...just having a little break in the middle of the week. anne's surprise party is tomorrow. i'm writing that of course because 1. she doesn't come here 2. she doesn't know about this page and 3. i don't even think anyone really reads this stuff. i really hope to hang out with diana more now cos she's been feeling stressed. i'd really love to just sit down and let her just let it all out, but she's so busy i don't even think she has time to do that. ooo...i get to see garbage on saturday! yay! i'm going to wear my new garbage shirt, mainly cos i can't wear it to school (it's way too small). *dances* well good night! muah! soundtrack for today...definitely kick my ass by garbage...read the lyrics!

Hurt Me...It Feels Like Medicine
Saturday, November 16, 2002 tonight was great...we went to islands for dinner and then went bowling. it was so great cos kenric came, and i hardly ever get to see him outside of school. he's sucha great person. it was strange cos lately us girls have been outnumbered by the guys, as it was tonight. daniel didn't show up again...he was supposed to bring a friend for me to meet, but nooooooo. ha! anyway...things were great until anne, dan, annelise, and i went to higleys afterwards. we saw dustin and piya, which was great. but then, diana and ricky were there. first of all, diana was supposed to hang out with me tonight. secondly, seeing ricky is not something i want to do. he irks me in every way possible, and yet it really showed me that i'm still incredibly attracted to him. dammit! the good thing is that as much as i'm sexually attracted to him, i don't find him attractive in any other way...and he was pleasant for the short amount of time that we saw them. i'm once more confused. at least i started my david bowie painting! yay! *dances* well...i'm off...good night!

A Cracked Song in the Universe
Thursday, November 14, 2002 so i haven't really had much to complain about lately, but today was just one of those days. i've been so happy with my life, but today i found out that i didn't make it onto the literary arts magazine staff. that was fine, but i really wanted to be on it. the thing that really bugged me today is the fact that i got best laugh for our senior greats, but the yearbook staff decided they wanted someone else to win...so they crossed off my name and changed it. what kind of mean people do things like that? geez. i was feeling so happy that lc was becomming less political and more friendly...but i suppose that it is not so. at least i'm going to leave soon. i'm learning breaking up the girl on guitar now cos i found an acoustic version. i really like it too. yay! my guitar lesson made my day so much better...thank god! we're probably going bowling tomorrow! yay! that should be fun. hmmm...that's about it methinks. i'm off to buy more canvas. i want to paint a big david bowie with long hair fading into the background. maybe i'll make a whole idols series of paintings with him, shirley, angelina, and daniel. ooooo...well we'll see. bye! *kisses* soundtrack for today...no doubt...making out...i can't help it if i'm the only person in the world who likes their new album :)

For Desired Results Follow Me...
Tuesday, November 12, 2002 Yesterday, Russell and I hung out at Higleys. That was fun since he had tried to call me all weekend, but I hadn't been home. I decided that I was incredibly inspired, so I went out and bought a bunch of oil painting stuff. I've almost finished one painting already...and I've started a second one whilst I wait for the first one to dry. Annelise and I had dinner at Higleys today, and who should walk through the door but Dustin. It was so nice seeing him again. He was there alone to study, but he noted that he got the pictures and liked them...so that was good. I can't wait until college applications are done, but I'm so afraid that I won't get in anywhere. I've sent in my applications for NYU, UOP, and the Cal States that I'm applying to. I have to finish getting my stuff together for USC. I've decided that I'd really actually like to go to NYU. Methinks New York would be really awesome for me. It'd be a great experience, plus I don't need to be able to drive up there. I'm definitely living there or San Francisco when I grow up (I'll be stable...). Everyday I see myself falling more and more in love with Richard, and it scares me. He's the most absolutely adorable person in the world, and I'd really like to get to know him better. I'm just so insecure, so once again, I've made myself believe that I'm undeserving of him. Of course, I felt the same way about Ricky and we ended up having a nice long relationship. Anything's possible. We'll see...I'm off to finish painting and writing things. Good night! muah!

Oh sweet Heaven...When shall I know thee?
Sunday, November 10, 2002 annelise's birthday party was yesterday. it was so much fun! we played the foosball and the gamecube on the tv. ha! poor ajay was sick, so he couldn't make it...but he sent me a long text message explaining. today i went to dinner with my family to celebrate my uncle's birthday. then, a few people came over and we watched 'charade' with audrey hepburn until like 1. it was a really good movie. i also watched my new moulin rouge dvd today. yay! it's so exciting when you really think about yourself and your life and everything seems almost perfect. there aren't many things i'd change about my life right now. maybe just the fact that i'm only 17...but i suppose that's just a part of life...always wishing that you were something else. i should just be happy that i'm 17 now and be happy when i'm 18 later. i added a link up to my fanfiction writing stuff. it may have been a bad idea, but we'll see. well...that's all for now cos it's like 3 in the morning...ha! good night...much love! soundtrack for today...beautifulgarbage :)