celebrate good times...
12:25 p.m. Wednesday, June 4, 2003
okay...party! june 22nd at 12:00 for lunch at my house. rsvp as soon as you possibly can, and if you need directions, let me know. you're all invited! i'm writing it here cos i don't see all of you, so i won't be able to personally hand you an invitation before then. for the rest, invitations will be passed out tomorrow. love you! and if you think i'm not talking to you, i probably am, so ask me if you're unsure.

in the middle of the night...head on my pillow...
07:52 p.m. Tuesday, June 3, 2003
god. i woke up this morning thinking it was wednesday, but sadly, no. it was still only tuesday. we watched boyz n the hood in sociology and the dead in english. foods was fun cos we made a little pasta. ms. anselm was being really mean today, and she kept yelling at rachel. that really irked me. after school, us senior choir members got together for another rehearsal for friday's performance. we really aren't making much progress. the song sounds awful, but i think it's very possible for us to have it done by friday's assembly. i can't believe that it's going to be our last high school assembly ever. that's so exciting! once i got home, i felt like i was going to throw up for some strange reason, so i took a nap. now, my head hurts. maybe if i go take another nap, i'll wake up with the clap. ha...ok...off to cook me some dinner cos i'm damn hungry. buh bye!

will we burn in heaven...
08:24 p.m. Monday, June 2, 2003
meh. lunch was really fun cos i was flipping emma off, but jessica thought i was doing it to her. so, we had a little three way race thing. it was pretty funny. i can't really remember what happened the rest of the school day. after school, i hung out at my house for a little before going to higleys as i do every monday to see mike and study. i actually got quite a bit of work done on non school stuff. ha! the comic book is coming along, and i still have yet to figure out a costume for myself. i am garbage girl, darin is mor-man, and shaun is a space pirate. then, our nemesis is r.b., aka tai-chi man, who is planning to take over the world. emma and blum showed up at higleys eventually, and we hung out for a bit. i was getting really excited about working on my sociology project though, so i went home. now i'm here about to work on my project, but i had to blog first cos i'm crazy like that. okay...off to work! *hugs* sign the guestbook, my darklings.

and the devil may pull you under...
08:23 p.m. Sunday, June 1, 2003
well...i've finally set up my new laptop. it's nicer than my old one, and i'm going to be taking it with me to college. the only really annoying thing about it is that it's really loud. anywho, annelise, nicole, and i went to see guys and dolls today. i thought it was pretty well done. i don't really feel like writing about it though. it's been a really tiring day, even though i really didn't do anything. i'm loathing the idea of going to school tomorrow, but it's only a couple more weeks til we graduate. by the way, i'm having a graduation party on june 28th or something like that. y'all are invited. i still have to make the invitations and stuff. i'm a little late on doing that. ha! my parents went to my aunt's wedding today, and normally, i wouldn't have wanted to go cos weddings are boring. but, there were all these celebrities there, and i wanted to go around and bother them. that's exactly why there were no kids invited. boo to that. ha! i guess i really don't blame her, but i would have liked to go anyway. hmmm...please please please sign the guestbook if you haven't already. there's a link to it right above the zonkboard. thanks guys!

and when it hurts he takes it out on you...
01:24 a.m. Sunday, June 1, 2003
russell came over to drop off super smash bros this morning, and i was not at all awake. richard called wanting to go to tea, and me, not knowing how to say "no" agreed to go with him. i really didn't want to go alone with him though cos never again am i going on a date with him. so, i called up annelise and ryan to come with us. annelise couldn't make it, so ryan came. we ended up at higleys cos he didn't want to drive all the way out to santa monica, where richard wanted to go. that was fine cos i didn't really want to go there anyway. we came back to my house and i proceeded to kick their arses at super smash bros. annelise came over, and we were going to go to the musical with nicole and people. the problem was that my dad had started to make pizza that wasn't going to be done by the time we had to leave, so he started to throw a fit about it. it really freaked me out cos he called me out of the room and started bitching. anyway, nicole needed some disks, so we went to best buy. you know, they really suck ass sometimes. they didn't have the game i wanted. oh well...i still love them. we, nicole, richard, and i, each got our own pint of ice cream from ralphs and watched big trouble. it was a good movie, and my ice cream was delicious, although not my first choice. i got the half baked one or whatever it's called with cookie dough and brownie dough. yummy! i've decided after tonight, that i am really afraid of richard. he's just too violent and spastic. it worries me to be around him. okay, i'm going to go watch tv now. oh my god...you know what show i'm now obsessed with? lupin III! how strange is that? it's so great though. ah! okay...tv. buh bye! happy birthday to may and stewart! i love you guys! may, you're the greatest sex slave ever, and stewart, you're so hot!

the truth is out there...
10:06 a.m. Saturday, May 31, 2003
found a fun little site through trash talk called googlism, where you can type in the name of something, and it will give you back random phrases found on the internet about them. here are a few i found slightly amusing...
on la canada...
la canada is the answer
la canada is home to superb weather
la canada is a rectum
la canada is full of goyim
la canada is a bore
la canada is a good place to find great prices on mobile homes
la canada is a place that has worn on everyone a bit too much
on jesus...
jesus is an anarchist
jesus is better than santa
jesus is god or he's not
jesus is coming to dinner
jesus is not a hindu god
jesus is coming soon
on god...
god is living in japan
god is a playtpus
god is a masturbator
god is made of soap
god is a big nascar fan
on buddha...
buddha is dead so how can he help us?
buddha is a woman
buddha is big
buddha is a shit
buddha is sick of smiling
buddha is carved from a single trunk of hibiscous wood
on satan...
satan is santa claus
satan is in the comfy lounge
satan is my webmaster
satan is a pimp
satan is boring
satan is gonna be mighty pissed off by you hippies
satan is here hi
satan is an anagram of santa
satan is the freethinker of our tyme
and finally...on kimi...
kimi is gagged after some coercion with the riding crop
kimi is a bisexual woman who plans to create "fushigi no ie"
kimi is the perfect girl to guide you into her world
kimi is an exotic asian doll
kimi is institutionalised for the first time in dublin

even angels fall...
11:59 p.m. Friday, May 30, 2003
hmmm...i got in a good nap after school. then, it was off to annelise's house for troika with her and shaun. that was nice and relaxing. it was another day that brought me yearning for some sort of sexual activity. ugh! damn sexual frustration! shaun did, however, let me borrow the buffy first season dvds, so guess what i'm doing now! teehee! yay! today in english, i was playing with brett's ball thing that is supposed to help you strengthen your arms or something, and now my arm hurts. i don't know if it's from that, but i really want to know why. meep meep! by the way...i've decided that friday five will return when i find a group of questions that i find interesting. my quiz section has been updated, so go check that out. hmmm...that's about it i think.

darling, how would it feel?
06:44 p.m. Thursday, May 29, 2003
well...twas another pointless day. absolutely nothing happened at school. after school i went to my guitar lesson, and then it was off to higleys cos i needed to read 50 pages in the dubliners. russell, ricky, and steve were there playing chess, so half way through, i took a break to watch them. after they left, i had some conversations with melissa, mike, and tom, and then i went back to finishing. now i'm here wishing that i had somebody to fuck. shit, it's been way too long since i've had some loving. i even look like shit today and feel the need to get it on. i've been like this all day too. it was bad cos we were watching alive in sociology, and i was still turned on. eep! i really need to just get a man for a night of good, rough sex with no attachment. oi! i'll take volunteers into consideration. anyway, i'm going to go play my guitar. she's almost as good as sex. buh bye!

it's so easy to feel me...
08:33 p.m. Wednesday, May 28, 2003
it was 7.40, and i was still sitting outside at home, waiting for emma to pick me up. it turns out she decided to sleep in this morning and not tell me, so we both ended up at school late. school sucked and was pointless. it lacked point. i swear! choir was an awful experience cos i was trying so hard to sing well, but my throat is just in an awful state. in english, us seniors got our writing portfolios. wow...it was kind of cool getting to read a bunch of my previous essays. they had stuff from seventh grade in there. i had fun rifling through that. once i got home from school, i felt so awful that i just went right to sleep basically. okay, so here's a quiz i stole from kathryn

last cigarette: long time ago...never again
last car ride: emma drove me home from school
last kiss: on the lips...diana
last good cry: if by good cry you mean powerful and not crying out of joy...yesterday talking to ricky about his bunny
last library book checked out: i have no idea
last movie seen: happy gilmore probably
last book read: the dubliners
last cuss word uttered: god dammit
last beverage drank: sprite
last food consumed: bagel...dammit...i haven't eaten since lunch...what's wrong with me?
last crush: ha...i can't say cos this is the internet where anyone can pop on by...but most of you know...it's ****
last phone call: lots of people called whilst i was sleeping just now...
last TV show watched: pet stars...yeah...i know
last time showered: this morning
last shoes worn: doc martin black boots
last CD played: david bowie...ziggy stardust
last item bought: a bagel
last downloaded: porn? i don't know
last disappointment: being sick all weekend
last soda drank: sprite
last thing written: "sprite"...hahaha
last key used: "a"
last word spoken: ooooooo!
last sleep: i actually just woke up from a long nap
last im: mr matt watson imed me last
last sexual fantasy: ha...angelina jolie, daniel johns, and i...
last weird encounter: i was dancing around naked and all these people were staring at me...oh wait...never mind
last ice cream eaten: in a drumstick
last time amused: i got the choir photos from sf today...ha
last time wanting to die: probably friday when i was dying
last time hugged: i love hugs...there were hugs all day long
last time scolded: god i don't even remember...that's good, eh?
last time resentful: now...i resent this illness
last chair sat in: one in the breakfast room
last lipstick used: that lip gloss for prom...yummy!
last underwear worn: black panties...oooo
last bra worn: one of my black victoria's secret bras
last time dancing: today in english class...i love dancing randomly
last poster looked at: i don't know...ha
last show attended: i guess rocky horror but that doesn't really count, does it? it is live kind of...
last web page visited: other than the one i'm at? i made a blog run
I HURT: way too much right now...especially my head
I LOVE: my friends and family, even those who i probably shouldn't
I HATE: how bad things happen to good people
I FEAR: being alone forever
I HOPE: to get somewhere with my life
I FEEL: like crap...damn illness
I HIDE: a lot of things from others...i just don't think they want to listen sometimes...
I DRIVE: like an asian woman...poorly!
I MISS: my grandma
I LEARNED: that people can be unreasonable and and illogical so often
I NEED: sex
I THINK: i'm going to eat soon cos i'm hungry

fun fun fun...
08:05 p.m. Tuesday, May 27, 2003
got some cool links today...
from zach...sex or something else quiz
and from matt...rent-a-negro

somebody get me out of here...
04:06 p.m. Tuesday, May 27, 2003
wow. okay, so today sucked. i stayed home cos my illness will not go away. basically, here's my day: sleep, medicine, sleep, work on webpage and pictures, talk to ricky, eat, sleep, medicine, sleep...i've also decided that lucifer can no longer sleep with me cos she is just too damn warm. the problem is she's just too cute though. *sigh* i think my fever is gone, so i suppose that is a good sign. (zach...it's "be back in a bit") maybe there will be a troika tonight, so i can get a little social interaction, although there will be a certain lack of buffy now. well, i'm off to get the mail (my favourite thing in the whole world)! yay! bye!

tell me more...
01:09 a.m. Tuesday, May 27, 2003
click me and click me too!
i stole some pics from may, and they're a whole lot clearer than mine...go check them out!
can i just say...i love this pic of may holding my leg...


my trust was blind...you broke the pact...
02:08 p.m. Monday, May 26, 2003
god dammit! i can't wait to get out of here. i hate this. why do i bother trying to do nice things for others when they're just going to go around talking shit about me? i'm sick of this bullshit. i'm going to go do laundry because clean clothes make me happy, and i want to be happy right now. i need to be happy right now. argh!

one more time...
11:46 p.m. Sunday, May 25, 2003
another pic of me crashing the asian table...i'm the one in the orange on the left

no more talk of darkness...
09:57 a.m. Sunday, May 25, 2003
welcome gentle viewers! the day before prom was an awful experience. i had a high fever, my nose was running all over the place, i started my period, and i was throwing up. i spent the day trying to recover because i wasn't going to spend all that money for nothing (i want my...i want my...i want my mtv), dammit! so, the day of prom, i got my hair done at 10. god it was early. i found out that my stylist hates doing updo's too. hahaha! ooo...that reminds me...american idol! (paula abdul gets her hair done at the same place i do.) clay lost, but that's okay cos i'll still have his children. ok...back to prom. people arrived at my house at 5.45, and we took muchos pictures (see below). it's too bad that the weather was so dark and gloomy, which i normally would like, but not for pictures. everyone looked so beautiful and sexy, and damn! all those guys in tuxes...what was a girl to do? so, we went to the prom, and it was actually really fun. i didn't expect it to be since i was feeling really sick. sorry that i wasn't much of a date, andrew. it was just really fun seeing everyone having a good time. after the dance, we headed to russell's house to chill for a while until the bowling people got back. then, we went to eric's party house. that was fun, but russell and i were getting really tired by like 4 or something like that. i slept over at his house. now, i'm home and incredibly tired, but i'm addicted to this blogging crap too much not to write. okay...a few pics until i get the better ones developed...

(from left to right: blum and emma, colin and sarah, virgile and melody, zach and annelise, russell and felicia, mark and jenn, simon and diana, eric and may, andrew and yours truly, jason and erin, richard and allison, shaun and brynn, matt and darlene, dan and anne)

erin and shaun...look, shaun, you got a pic! happy? :)

my bestest gal pals!
click on the pics to see them all slightly better...

turn to the left...fashion...
10:58 a.m. Friday, May 23, 2003
this is my dress, but mine is more of an orange/pink colour. sorry i couldn't get pics up of it, but i can't find the digital camera.

i'm losing my mind...everything's fine...
12:52 a.m. Friday, May 23, 2003
god. i woke up this morning with an awful sore throat. i hope it gets better soon. we made a piggy out of a watermelon today in foods. we named him alfred pugsly. he was so cute until mrs. stattler kept making sexual remarks about the melon balls that were part of the fruit salad we made and put inside him. i got home and went right to sleep. we were planning on going to a party with ajay tonight, but we were all just really tired. whilst nicole and shaun were on their way over here to hang out, john and ryan called me, so we all headed over to john's house to hang out. nicole had to leave a little early, so shaun, john, ryan, and i played games. twas much fun, but shaun had to leave, so we left a little after 12. it's nice knowing that there's a four day weekend ahead. senior ditch day is tomorrow, and i know people are doing stuff. the thing is, i don't think i want to do anything. i'll probably just catch up on sleep or something. i'm just really stressed out at the moment with this person who is telling people lies about me. it's getting slightly annoying. plus, i'm pmsing. fun fun! okey dokey...nighty night!

everyday when she walks to the sea...
02:49 p.m. Wednesday, May 21, 2003
phew. first period was incredibly pointless today. we took a few notes, started an american president, and listened to rb's famous prom speech. choir was okay. it really annoys me that we spend half of the class sitting around doing nothing, when we could be working on our music. seriously, we could be so good if we'd just work sometime. i signed myself out of ssr and sixth period since jesse's band was playing and ms. anslem told us to ditch her class. i had planned to go out with emma during 6th, but it turned out that i had a senior meeting thing at lunch. we were busy writing the music out for our song. i planned to call my dad to pick me up after that cos he's retired, but he had gone out to lunch. so, i was stuck at school til the regular time anyway. blum (yes, i know blum has a journal, but i'm not in the mood to find the link) and virgile weren't doing anything either, so we chatted in the choir room til nicole picked me up. yay! nicole's the best! tonight is the last american idol. *sighs* i'm glad that i love both of the final contestants, but the one i love more, clay, is probably going to lose. that's ok. they'll still both be getting contracts anyway. so i'm off to take a nap now! buh bye!

my only friend...the end...
10:03 p.m. Tuesday, May 20, 2003
what a fabulous day! let's see, i started off really exhausted from not getting enough sleep or something. so, i bought prom tickets today, and ate a nice big meatball sandwich for lunch. hmmm...i left at the end of fifth cos i had an orthdodontist appointment, and i get my braces off on july 1st! that also means that my surgery will be a few days after that. bleh! troika was moved to andrew's house tonight because it was the last buffy episode ever. it was so sad. *sigh* but, kim was there! yay...plus nathan, hans, nathan's girlfriend...sarah, and dustin. twas very much fun hanging out and watching buffy. now, shaun has given me his playstation to borrow for a little while, so i am off to play that. nighty night! good bye, buffy!

you didn't even seem to mind...
08:52 p.m. Monday, May 19, 2003
god. i was just so tired today. school was boring, as usual. i don't believe anything actually happened in any of my classes. there's more drama going on in our group, as usual, and as usual again, it all leads back to one person. so, i say we just go around and take turns slapping each other. sound good? after school i went with emma and blum to pick out boutaneers (screw spelling), and we ended up hanging around in the cooler room cos it was too hot outside of it. ha! once i got home, i fell asleep for a little while before dropping by andrew's house to get a prom contract signed. amanda and hans were there, so that was nice to at least see them a little. then, it was off to higleys. there were so many god damn people there. i tried to read, but that really didn't work since people were doing karaoke and stuff. sarah came, and we took off to georgee's, where her brother was working. i had onion rings. the guys working there are hot. i never knew that. ha! very nice! they're also really nice. you know what else is really nice? signing my guestbook! love you! bye!

don't dream it...be it...
11:30 a.m. Sunday, May 18, 2003
yesterday...hmmm...oh yes! i met up with nicole, sarah, elena, emma, shaun, and russell at the park for that community center concert. we were supposed to help set up and crap, but the ymca kind of took care of that. so, we went to in n out, where elena was filming a little boy on his skateboard. well, he fell off and was just lying there, whilst she taped him. she kept taping him as people went to help him and as ambulances came to his aid. crazy little girl! anyway, so after that we returned to the park and later went to emma's birthday party. that was fun cos we played games and watched movies, but mostly, we just hung out and had a good time. emma, shaun, blum, and i went off to see rocky horror that night. my mum laughed at me saying, "are you going to that thing every week now?"...ha! hardly! it was great cos it was sacrilege night, so frank was played by the pope and stuff. teehee! i wore my garters with black undies and black bra. plus, i put my hair in pig tails and made devil horns. i also made a little choker thingy for my neck. i slept over at emma's house, and she made us oatmeal this morning. yummy! now i'm at home, exhausted. ooo! andrew came home yesterday though, so that was neato! k...off to sleep! buh bye! *kisses*

fix me now i wish you would...
12:03 a.m. Saturday, May 17, 2003
there were no people at school today. there was a big art field trip to the beach today. i wish i could have gone just to see all the really cool sand sculptures because they sounded really awesome. honestly, i'd really love to just bitch at someone right now, but i'm not going to because it's a public journal. i know, i could go get a private one, but i think it's better for me mentally if i don't ever have those things to look back on. after school, russell and i went to higleys. there was laughing, crying, and cheesecake. we called people, but nobody could do anything except nicole, who wanted to go see a mighty wind. so, we all went over to glendale to hang out until then. i really had a good night. russell and nicole are two of my favourite people, and they are always so much fun to hang out with. i'm in a very confused state right now, so i'm going to go to sleep to escape. nighty night!

bend me break me anyway you need me...
10:40 p.m. Thursday, May 15, 2003
wow. school sucked, but we did get to make steak and potatoes in foods today. then, russell and i went to his house to play some gamecube since he stole my gamecube from steve. we finally went to paseo to wait in line for matrix 2, and we were first in line. it was pretty cool. i had the best seat in the house...middle...middle. shit. i loved it. the special effects were amazing again, but there were lots of corny things in it too. it still rocked though. it made me really want a piece of cake (you'll get that when you see the movie). we had like twenty people in our group. hmm...who was there? russell, annelise, shaun, brynn, nicole f., joey, dannel, blum, simon, sharon, robbie, eric, erin, jason, may, richard, felicia, and a whole shit load of other people. anyway, yeah. it was awesome, and now i am tired. i shall go to sleep after eating some cheesecake that my mum got for me from the cheesecake factory yesterday. yee haw! that'll hit the spot! night!

as if nothing really matters...
09:26 p.m. Wednesday, May 14, 2003
hmmm...today was interesting. choir was fun cos the seniors were sent to the other room. mrs. rios was teaching the audition song to the others. devin got on the piano, and we busted a little bohemian rhapsody. that was tres entertaining. hehehe! i really had the urge to go to higleys today to just sit around and think by myself, but i fell asleep thinking about it. ha! so, i woke up just in time to watch american idol. thank god my baby, clay, is still on. next week is going to crush me when he loses to ruben, but i love them both. why is everyone starving themselves to fit into their prom dresses? why don't you just buy a dress that fits? hahaha! hmmm...i promised a picture of my dress a while back, didn't i? i should do that. okay...off to cook dinner. buh bye!

it sucks to be under 21...
05:09 p.m. Tuesday, May 13, 2003
i actually had a really good day today. school was boring cos i had two tests, but we get to watch a league of their own in sociology. renee got asked to prom today in the cutest way ever. harv said we were going to start the movie, and he popped in a video with this whole thing asking her to prom. it was one of the cutest things ever. that totally made my day. so after school, i went with russell, annelise, and shaun to paseo to get a bunch of matrix 2 tickets for people. the theater wouldn't let any of us buy more than one ticket without being over twenty one, so russell had some guy buy 10 for him. then, we met up with justin and jenn, who also needed to buy extra tickets. the boys went on a little adventure trying to find older people to buy their tickets for them, whilst us gals went shopping. much fun! i really need to save up for prom though, so next time i say i want to go shopping, slap me. okay...there's no troika tonight, so i'm going to have to watch buffy alone. eep! oh well. next week will be fun since it's the last episode ever, and we're going to have our little party. off i go to...dammit...steve had my gamecube...to play n64. ha! bye!

turn and face the strange...
09:02 p.m. Monday, May 12, 2003
bleh. methinks i ate too much. i got home, had a chocolate chip muffin and a drumstick. then, i had dinner, which was lots of chicken and rice (how asian of me). i went to higleys, had hot chocolate and another muffin. usually that wouldn't fill me up, but it did today. so, the whole world was at higleys. it was scary cos that's my little haven on mondays to get away. hmmm...nothing interesting happened at school today. i had my senior choir meeting, and we're picking a song later in the week. i went to higleys with the intention of doing homework, but i just couldn't concentrate. i needed to get up and run around or something. russell and steve came over after for a little cos i'm lending steve my gamecube for the week so he can play windwaker. I scored a 54% on the "how la canada are you" Quizie! What about you? that's a quiz i got from nick. it's quite entertaining. okay. time to watch the teevee!

just sitting here...
04:45 p.m. Sunday, May 11, 2003
nothing much happening today since we celebrated mothers day yesterday. i slept and played with mr. peepers, the guinea pig. he's just so darn round and fuzzy! hehehe! later on tonight methinks we might have a troika meeting. oh yeah...and for those of you who are buffy fans, we're working on getting a final episode party planned, so let me know if you're interested in coming! soundtrack: velvet goldmine soundtrack...ps. happy birthday andrew! *hugs* pps. i now have a date to prom!

celebrate we will cos life is short but sweet for certain...
01:33 a.m. Sunday, May 11, 2003
today started off with me being incredibly depressed for no apparent reason. i just felt like shit, so i slept most of the day. then, i went out for a mother's day dinner with my parents, my aunt, my uncle, and my cousin. we decided to celebrate it early to beat the crowds tomorrow. we ate at smittys in pasadena, and it was pretty good. i had the filet mignon. when i got home, i couldn't find anyone except for john, who was at a party and shaun, who had no means of transportation. finally, annelise and ryan called me, so everyone came over and we watched red dragon. i'm ashamed to say that i hadn't seen it before tonight, even though i love thomas harris as a writer. i enjoyed it, and shaun and annelise left shortly after it was over. john, ryan, and i played more video games. they left a couple seconds ago. i love it when friends can stay over past 12...or i guess 1 for that matter too. so, what started off as a bad day, ended pretty well. ooo! promotion! reserved16 have a new album coming out soon. what i've heard from it was great, so visit their site and support them. ps...sign my guestbook!

all the pretty queens and the sluts are dancin'...
12:27 a.m. Saturday, May 10, 2003
la la la. i stayed home from school today because i stayed up late last night trying to fix the god damn computer so i could do my homework. ha! a lot happened today. i'm now best friends with paul, and john and i are getting married. simon asked me to help him ask diana to prom, so i did that. i helped amy ask ryan last night too. i'm helping everyone else and still not getting asked. how poopy is that? who, oh, who will go with me to prom? la la la! anyway, i was planning on staying in tonight, but richard called wanting to go to comedy sportz. his british charm won me over, so i went. ha! it ended up being me, emma, richard, may, john, ryan, annelise, nicole, blum, paul, diana, and fishy at the show. i absolutely loved the ref! she reminded me of an older elena, and she made me laugh so much that i forgot about my headache for a little while. oh yeah...and anne was there, but she had to work. mr. kyle mabson was extra sexy on stage. *wink wink* after that, we went to higleys and hung out for a little while before retreating back to my house for a little smash bros. fun. (ooo...there was a guy at higleys playing the flute and the drums at the same time. it was so cool!) annelise left early, leaving just me, john, ryan, and richard battling it out. i had an on night, so i ended up kicking all their arses. woohoo! the bad thing was that they kept undoing my shirt. argh! i'm so energized right now! must do something...eep! hyper hyper hyper! soundtrack: garbage...beautifulgarbage

answer the questions with song titles from only one band...
11:37 a.m. Friday, May 9, 2003
i chose to do mine with garbage songs :) 1.)are you male or female?
stupid girl
2.)describe yourself:
supervixen
3.)how do some other people see you?
alien sex fiend
4.)how do you feel about yourself?
i think i'm paranoid
5.)describe your love interest:
can't seem to make you mine
6.)where would you rather be?
sleep
7.)what do you wanna be?
so like a rose
8.)how do you live?
use me
9.)how do you love?
enough is never enough
10.)some words of wisdom:
the trick is to keep breathing

why oh why can't i?
04:47 p.m. Thursday, May 8, 2003
dum dee dum dee dum...foods was fun because we made tacos, and they were the best tasting tacos ever. yummy! nicole, erin, and i went to sweet creams for ice cream for lunch since we had eaten tacos already. twas much fun. i swear i shouldn't even come to school on thursdays...or any other day for that matter. it's so pointless, but i do love being able to socialize. guitar was great. i'm learning a doobie brothers song, which is always nice cos i love them. kevin told me i should buy elixirs for my guitar, and i told him they were too expensive. he laughed at me and told me i can't say anything is too expensive with the guitar i have. hahaha! ooo...clay looked absolutely adorable last night. *kisses for clay* i'm so in love with him. teehee! i was sad because nobody had asked me to prom yet, but i found out that the guy i wanted to go with was going to ask me but couldn't because he wanted to go with his group of friends and knew i would want to go with mine. *sigh* okay, off to do some laundry so i actually have something to wear tomorrow. it's comedy sportz tomorrow night! :)

getting to know you...
11:20 p.m. Wednesday, May 7, 2003
just for my russell...i did a survey. it's on my other blog cos it doesn't use html...making it a lot easier to fill out and format.

your fashion sense is second rate like your perfume...
03:57 p.m. Wednesday, May 7, 2003
i'm a fan of wednesdays because i get a block of choir. we had the choir director from cal state long beach come and work with us today on songs that we would no longer be singing. it was still helpful though. i actually enjoyed a lot of the things he did, but my god did he talk a lot. oi! government was spent doing basically nothing. we never do anything in that class, i swear! i just talked with erin, emma, kenric, and shaun the whole period. mormon boyfriend didn't come, once again, but he came later for choir. we're usually loud and obnoxious in english, but today was by far the worst we've ever been. ms. anselm wasn't there today, so we had a sub, who would laugh everytime he'd try to discipline us. it was quite pathetic. plus, stewart would do a jig for me. poo to that! i played guitar when i got home, and now i'm thinking that a nap is sounding good. either i nap now or play video games. oh the choices. hahaha! i want to by new garters for sacrilege night so i can go as an angel, but my wallet says otherwise. i was going to go help emma with some prom shopping stuff, but i've really got no sense of style and what goes with what. dum de dum. ok...sleep sleep. soundtrack: silverchair...freakshow

i internalize my hatred and sacrifice myself...
10:30 p.m. Tuesday, May 6, 2003
hmmm...isn't it weird that whenever someone else does something mean to me, i end up getting angry and hating myself? this needs to stop.

make a whole new religion...
05:07 p.m. Tuesday, May 6, 2003
today was just one of those days. i'm feeling so great. i love it! we had the most amazing tacos i've ever had in my life during foods class today. there were only like 5 of us in first period today, so i played and programmed games on my calculator. choir sucked, but i suppose i expected that. lots of the class were taking ap exams. i got home and played a lot of guitar. i'm so tired, but we have a troika meeting tonight. i can't fall asleep cos those are so much fun. we're watching x-files, buffy, and then more x-files. hopefully, us nerds can pull off three episodes tonight. i don't know why, but i can't stop smiling. *dances* i hope i stay this way. hehehe! buh bye! soundtrack: garbage...supervixen ps...happy birthday emma! pps...russell, we have to go shopping for nerf guns!

lately i'm not the only one...
10:20 p.m. Monday, May 5, 2003
bleh bleh. today was boring as hell. nothing much happened at school. i came home and watched sweet home alabama with my sister and her friend. then, i went to higleys to read. i love going there by myself and curling into a ball with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book. plus, although seth is gone, mike still works mondays, and i have to admit, he's nicer than seth in many ways. he's also slightly creepier cos he touches me more though. anyway, that made me day a lot better. i got my school handbook in the mail today, so i started putting together some classes that i hope to take in college. yay! i'm feeling a lot better than i was last night. i feel like i really want to talk to someone, but i feel guilty venting to others and talking about me all the time. i'd rather listen to other people talk about themselves, but i guess this is what i really need right now. i'm just not sure who i want to talk to. i mean, i write things here because it's easier to write it all up and not have to tell everyone to their face. plus, when i tell them in this context, it makes me feel like they can't ask me questions about it really, if that makes any sense. so yeah...my stomach isn't feeling much better, so i have to go...bye! soundtrack: bowie

give me a reason to be beautiful...
07:06 p.m. Sunday, May 4, 2003
i feel so unattractive. last night, emma and i went to rhps, and all these guys were hitting on her and telling her that she was so pretty. it made me feel like crap cos i just sat there like the ugly friend that i am. i mean, i used to think that i was pretty, and maybe that other people could see it too. but, i guess that's not really true. that's why i really want to be in porn. the people in that industry made me feel so good about myself. they were so nice and supportive of everything. they told me i was beautiful and attractive. i guess they could have just been saying that though. i believed them though, and that made me feel so good. i know, it's not a good reason to take that up as a career in most peoples' eyes, but i feel like it's what i was supposed to do or something. i love sex. i love being naked. i love feeling attractive. plus, when i was little, a lot of shit happened where i was sexually abused by someone close to me and am still close to. so aren't us freaks supposed to go out and do "dumb" things? i personally don't think that it's dumb, and my morals are a lot different from those of other people. does that make me a bad person? i just want to feel attractive and beautiful, and if that makes me a bad person, i'm sorry.

i wanna be dirty...
04:13 a.m. Sunday, May 4, 2003
so today really started with erin's party cos i slept until then. we went to fudruckers, and then to her house. it was lots of fun. we half watched almost famous, but for the most part, we all just sat around and had fun. i like when we do nothing but have fun anyway, if that makes any sense. so then emma and i left to see the rocky horror picture show. i only had a bra, panties, and a garter belt on, which is always nice. it was a fabulous experience. hopefully, we can go a lot more. hehehe! i loved the movie before, but i think i love it even more now. i'm really tired though cos it's 4 in the morning, so good night!

i'm overworked but i'm undersexed...
11:06 p.m. Friday, May 2, 2003
yay! school was boring today, but after school, shaun, annelise, and russell came over. we whipped out the gamecube and played smash bros till our movie started. we saw x-men at the paseo. holy shit! i thought it was way better than the first one, and i actually liked the first one. plus, alan cumming was in it, so how could i not love it? they did change a lot of the x-men history, but it seemed to work out anyway. there was no beast, which i really didn't mind cos i'm not a fan of his anyway. plus, rogue had this whole thing with iceman. did that really happen, cos i thought magneto had this weird thing with her and then she fell in love with gambit. then, jean's death was different, but it still worked out cos yeah. anyway, after that we went to higleys and hung out. oh yeah...nicole and emma joined us at the movie. my stomach is still being weird. i'm really confused because normally i don't feel this bad all the time. i keep needing to throw up. thankfully, i haven't done that yet today. i can't wait until tomorrow. we're celebrating erin's birthday, and then it's off to rocky horror. i'm a rocky horror virgin, so it should be interesting. i'm only going to wear a bra, undies, and my garter. woohoo! finally, somewhere where i can be almost naked. ha! once again, i'm horny as god damn hell with nobody to take it out on. anyway, i'm going to go to sleep now. i'm really tired. nighty night! soundtrack: garbage version 2.0 ps...i forgot to mention this. considering our class is supposedly one of the brightest they've had at our school, we really came up with the dumbest senior prank ever. first off, cutting locks off of lockers is not funny. secondly, the locks that were cut off were mostly those of seniors because they cut the second floor middle row locks. i'm sorry, but i was seriously pissed off when i heard that i had to get a new lock and worry about mice in my locker cos some dumb ass seniors couldn't come up with a better prank. i don't like having to worry about things in my locker getting stolen or damaged, especially when they're not mine (ie. the books from the school). okay, i'm done venting. night!

and the world spins by...
03:58 p.m. Thursday, May 1, 2003
went to school early (10.00) this morning to make up a gov test that i missed last week due to choir. i failed it quite marvelously. after that, i paid for my transcripts and sat around. i love my third and fourth periods, so today wasn't really that bad. my stomach is still in the state where i can't really hold much in. so, i didn't go to guitar today because i didn't want to throw up all over kevin and honey, mostly honey...hahaha! i'm kidding. anyway, now i'm sitting here watching amelie and after that, methinks i'll watch some garbage music videos and live performances. la la la. it's finally friday tomorrow. i'm so excited. i don't have anything planned, but it's just nice to know that friday is here. okay, i'm off to rest up so i don't throw up. hahaha! it's weird cos i rarely throw up too. bleh! bye!

you made her feel shiny and new...
04:57 p.m. Wednesday, April 30, 2003
archived finally! oh wow! if i had that much money to spare, i'd definitely buy it. it's so beautiful. anyway, yeah, i got up nice and early, and i had breakfast at hill street with christine, mormon boyfriend, and ling. the rest of our concert choir posse decided that it was still too early to wake up. boo to that! meh. the important people were there. then, we went to the park for a while and acted like kiddies, but i realized i really did not want to go to school at all. i had darin, i mean mormon boyfriend, drop me off at home, and i just slept all day. besides, i did throw up last night. i suppose that counts for something, even if it was last night and not today. okay, a woman wrote a short, little article about me for an insurance/medical newsletter thing a while ago, so here it is:

   "ashley nakaki smiles broadly in her high school yearbook photo. like most 17-year olds she is waiting a response on her college applications and is already planning her career: a management position in the music industry.
   but, unlike her classmates, ashley has spent countless hours in hospital beds and waiting rooms and endured numerous surgeries since infancy. ashley was born with a cleft lip and palate. her adoptive parents- shirley and john- learned that hte best outcome for ashley was based on timing. doctors explained that two surgeries needed to take place within the first six months of ashley's life; the first procedure would close her lip and nose to promote adequate feeding and drinking and the second would close her palate to discourage ear and sinus infections.
   'the financial responsibility would have been to great for us to adopt ashley as our medical insurance would not become effective until the adoption was finalized,' says shirley nakaki.
   as a regional supervisor for the county's ccs program, nakaki had counseled many families on the options and services available to them. it struck her now that she would need to access the services offered.
   'if you knowingly adopt a child with a medically eligible condition, ccs will help cover the costs of care related to the eligible condition.'
   'as a unit supervisor i would try to empower the parents i worked with because i understood that they were likely going to have a life-long relationship navigating the healthcare system and obtaining services,' she says.
   and, as a parent accessing those services, nakaki has experienced first-hand how vital ccs is for the child and her family.
   ashley's condition required a team of craniofacial specialists to coordinate her care: a plastic surgeon, orthodontist, dentist, otolaryngologist, pediatrician, audiologist, speech therapist, geneticist, psychologist, social worker and nurse. the team planned and conducted ashley's care the past 17 years.
   'they know me personally,' says ashley. 'they've all made me feel very comfortable and safe.'
   two years ago, ashley underwent her most extensive and final surgery; her upper and lower jaw were re-aligned. as with other procedures, the team gave her a detailed understanding of their expected outcome.
   'they care more about what i look like than i do,' she jokes.
   now, with only a few more months of orthodontia work left, ashley's smile is evidence of the impact ccs has on a child's world."

okay. ccs is a county provided insurance company or something like that. i've never actually been sure. bad kimi. this was written before i knew that i was to have another surgery too, so tack one more on there. hopefully, i can add the pictures that they put of me in this article. they're very interesting, at least they are to me. hahaha! so, i'm off to be bored again. buh bye!