I'm riding high upon a deep depression...

give me my money back...you bitch
Tuesday, December 31, 2002 today was so much fun. at first, i didn't do anything but play video games. then, i called emma and we went to higleys. john, diana, ricky, and russell joined us there, and the guys played chess with seth and his father. it was really fun being able to hang out with everyone again. tomorrow should be fun cos we're partying at annelise's house. everyone is coming, even richard! i called him today and he was like...oh...i was actually just about to call you. so now i'm acting all retarded cos i'm so giddy. it's so nice to have a crush again, even if nothing will ever happen. it's so nice ot have something to be excited about again. i've been a little sad cos there has been no updates to anyones blogs except for shauns. i need to have more to read than that. ok...nighty night...soundtrack...ben folds

putting out fire with gasoline
Saturday, December 28, 2002 so i got back from las vegas today. it was fun i guess. it was a lot better than i thought it would be. julie turned 21 and proceeded to go out and get drunk and gamble rather than spend the night with her cousins as she had so insisted on doing. ben and the adults filled his room with alcoholic beverages, thinking that it would make up for our lack of ability to do anything due to our age. well, that sucked ass. it really angered me, but i refused to let it bring my whole las vegas experience down. the cousins and i had a lot of fun just shopping and playing in the arcades. i had to wear my glasses the whole time cos i scratched my eye, so it's all red and puffy and ugly. bleh! christmas day was fun. my mum's side of the family came over and the kawai's did too. then, russell came over for dessert. it was great just hanging out. that'S about it...goodnight...soundtrack...killer queen

my heart flickers with golden light like the stars above
Wednesday, December 25, 2002 merry yakmas to all. today is the day that the lord yak gave us a son, our saviour. today is the birth of yak. a young virgin mary gave birth to her first son. suprisingly, it was a yak, and so she knew he was the supreme holy yak sent as a gift from the great yak. anyway...yesterday was fun. my cousin, ben, was our santa, marking a whole step forward for my generation of kids. we have taken on the responsibility of being santa. anyway, last night was fun. there was no hard liquor, resulting in many grumpy old people. it was quite entertaining. i got home around 11.30ish, and then, andrew (mckenzie) came over and i gave him his present whilst we caught up on the goings on of our lives. this morning was nice. i got some cool music equipment. then, we visited my grandma in her "hotel" (she thinks her hospital is a hotel). she was very grateful and that was nice. i was moved to tears in just seeing how happy she was. well, christmas dinner should be starting soon now. good bye! soundtrack...candles long ago...choral music yanno

mr game & watch is ready to rock, old-school style!
Tuesday, December 24, 2002 so the caroling turned out to pretty much suck. none of the girls wanted to sing, so we had no group. we went to diana's cos she was having a party, and we jokingly sang to them from outside her house. then, we all came back and played games all night. it was fun. chance stopped by, which was weird since i haven't seen him since two years ago when we were taking our driving lessons. he was supposed to hang out with john that night, so he just came to john, who was at my house. it turned out to be a fun get together even though we didn't get to sing as i had wanted to. tonight is christmas eve, meaning i get to go see my family all night and santa gives us presents at around 8. it should be fun, if not, i can always go hide myself away with a big bottle of wine and drown my sorrows in that. then i shall emerge and everything will seem happy. anyway...i'm having fun being my little sexy self. i'm feeling incredibly attractive today, even though my hair is in knots and i look like crap. i still feel sexy, so i'm feeling good about myself. yay! anyway...off to think about submitting more to fanfiction...bye...soundtrack...santa baby...sung by me. hehehe!!!

but i didn't order a pizza...
Saturday, December 21, 2002 bleh. i'm feeling ugly right now. i shouldn't cos i think i'm beautiful, and supposedly that's all that matters. but, i still want other people to think i'm pretty and attractive, but at tonight's party everyone kind of paired up and i was the odd man out. i tried to join into things, but then the actual couples started making out, and the other people kept touching each other. but whenever i tried to get in on it, they'd move away. it made me feel really disgusting and ugly. i don't know...i'll get over it eventually. i'm hoping tomorrow goes well. a lot of people don't want to come, and that makes me sad. i hope it doesn't rain also. that would suck. soundtrack...ohwir

a broken angel sits on her throne repairing her crepe paper wings...
Saturday, December 21, 2002 yay...no more school for who knows how long. anyway...today at school was bleh. it just happened and got over with. then, russell came over and we played video games and watched tv. after that, we went to go pick up richard. ok...i totally thought that he said jansen on the phone for his street name, so russell and i were wandering around looking for this god damn street. but...it turns out he said journeys end. hello! i'm an idiot. anyway...we finally picked him up and went to the concert. it really sucked there, so we left to watch seth play, and he was so good. it was so nice to hear him play finally. after that, we all had a huge conversation. emma and diana joined us there, and then we all went to russell's house to watch orange county. it was really nice finally getting to hang out with richard and get to know him better. he's a really awesome guy, and he gives me that tingly feeling. ooo...hehehe! it turns out that he's not really that shy either. i'm still afraid that i scared him though. i have a tendency to do that to people. ha. oh well...we'll just have to see what happens...soundtrack...tonight...the seth version :)

i am a bonfire...i am a vampire...
Thursday, December 19, 2002 ooo...so i just got back from seeing the lord of the rings movie...the second one...and it was really really good. i went with emma to the paseo after my guitar lesson. we saw tristan there too. anyway...it was so great...aragon was so sexy and legolas has to be the coolest character ever, even though i find aragon to be much higher on the sexy meter. aragon's new love interest (who i hate because i love liv) looks like pippin. sad. ha! anyway...methinks the concert went really wel last night. it was so nice to have erin, emma, and nicole in the audience. greg promised he'd come, but i didn't see him. nicole said that she did though, so i guess i'll have to believe him. ooo...i saw jason rinker there too. that was awesome. then, this strange old lady came up and grabbed me whilst saying "i really enjoyed watching you sing. you have so much enthusiasm." needless to say, it scared the shit out of me and made me feel tingly at the same time. today's performances didn't go as well, but that's ok. they weren't as important. k...i've got to go get my presents together cos tomorrow is the last day of school before break. bye! btw...i called richard and he's coming tomorrow :) he actually lives pretty close by. soundtrack: while my guitar gently weeps...the beatles

I had to untangle where we was entwined...
Wednesday, December 18, 2002 looking back at some of the things that i wrote, i realise it's really unfair to write things about people without fully explaining them. so i was writing about how mean ricky was, but that wasn't the complete truth. the thing is, he's not an awful person, he just does a lot of mean things to me. i'm sorry if it came off as i hated him or anything because i really do like him. i'm just not happy with the way he has treated me in the past, and i understand that things were done completely without thinking. i have forgiven and moved on, but i felt that i needed to clarify that whilst i don't agree with some things that he does, i don't think he's a bad person or an asshole. he can be an asshole, as everyone can be an asshole at some time or another. ok...now that that's done with...i have a concert tonight, but i've lost any ability to sing. argh! my voice has died once more. it should be interesting. *muah* soundtrack...the hippos...wasting my life

pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...
Monday, December 16, 2002 so yeah. i'm doing kick my ass on the trasher cd of garbage tributes. it's going to be so awesome. i can't wait to start working on it. i had choir practise til 6.30 today. it was awful cos nobody was paying attention to mrs rios. if i were her, i'd have already kicked out half of the people there. anyway...after that, emma and i went to higleys to ask seth what time his show on friday would be. it turns out that it's at 9, so we can go to the concert then go to higleys and finally back to the concert, all depending on richard, of course. *grin* we met a new guy there too. his name was tom, and we'd seen him there before. but he'd always been in some corner typing on his computer. that was good. i love meeting new people, especially when they're nice and interesting. ok...that's it for now...bye! soundtrack...one headlight...the wallflowers! ps...congrats to ling...who got into columbia early decision!!!

wrapping paper in the gutter moving slowly as the wing on the sea...
Saturday, December 14, 2002 ooo...so today was fun. i went to song-a-grams at nine this morning. apparently our house was going really quickly cos mrs rios brought thirty more from other houses for us to do. it really hit me that i'm known in choir. i finally feel like i fit in. it's weird cos as a young choir student, i always looked up to the older singers. i knew each of their names and treated them with such respect that one would have confused them for a celebrity. now i'm that celebrity figure. it's great. today a bunch of the girls knew my name, and i had never even seen them before, at least to my knowledge. it made me feel realy good that i had gained respect in choir. anyway...after that, ryan and i got picked up by nicole and went to higleys. we played chess whilst nicole filled out college applications. then, i had to come home to hang out for a family christmas fun night. brian and tracy came over, and my other cousin sarah was there too. i'm always so afraid that brian and i are growing apart until this time of year, when we really bond. it's amazing. we get along so well. well...i'm off to shop on ebay...nighty night! *hugs* soundtrack...carol of the bells (unfortunately) and santa baby (yay!) ooo...btw...greg wannier's back from ucla for break!!! yay!

i want some GREECE on my TURKEY
Thursday, December 12, 2002 hahaha! mrs. chahine's joke! anyway...i'm so incredibly excited. richard, the cute british guy that i've been so in love with, gave me his phone number today. *dances* we're probably going to go to the concert together next friday. i made plans with him and all that, completely forgetting that i was actually going to go see seth perform at higleys with emma. maybe richard can come with emma and i until seth is done. then, we can go to the concert. we'll see. i'm afraid to call him though cos i have a hard time understanding what he's saying through his thick accent. hehehe...i'm just so happy. ooo...we made apple pie today in foods, and it turned out sooooo good! methinks i ate too much though. ha! well...i'm off to do nothing. good night! soundtrack...cherry lips!

je ne suis pas bleh...
Monday, December 9, 2002 yeah...i don't speak french. anywho...today was fun. i had choir practise after school, which turned out to be so stressful. some people just shouldn't be in choir due to their lack of ability to concentrate on the music. some people just sit around and talk the whole time. it's so awful! i took my pictures for the year book today too. i won with charlie...but we didn't know what we were doing. consequently, our picture is going to lok pretty bad. oh well! i have a headache, but i'm really excited to be preparing for a concert. it's my last christmas concert at lc! oh my god. i can still remember singing in my first high school christmas concert there. we sang the four christmas medelies (can't spell right now), which consisted of a total of about 40 christmas songs. it was so great cvos we sang along with the orchestra. it was one of the coolest things ever. i also remember our junior high christmas concerts with our songs from a christmas carol. *sigh* ahhh the memories. well...it's off to bed for me now. good night! soundtrack...the gravity of the situation...vic chestnutt

when i'm king of the world...there'll be no more pain
Saturday, December 7, 2002 so i'm so sexually frustrated as usual. i feel like i need to be more sexually active. i'm just so horny. i used to just get it all out through ricky, but now i have myself. that was fine for a while, but now i really need someone else to take out my sexual energy on. i need a friends with benefits kind of relationship...especially cos i'm really enjoying all the other aspects of being single. i don't have to worry about trying to look good all the time. i don't constantly have to go out with someone and talk with them when i don't want to. it's nice, but i'm so horny! argh! i'm so pathetic! why can't i just be 18 so i could get sex and be paid for it? oh well...just felt like ranting cos i'm so antsy. hahaha! well...that's it for now...bye...

keep your eyes wide open and you'll see her
Saturday, December 7, 2002 today was great. i basically did nothing. mrs rios is going to write a rec for me for NYU. she was way too excited to be writing it though. ha! next week is going to be so stressful with all the choir rehearsals. we had bridges today, and once again...we did nothing. i made a page for my friends for the yearbook in basically ten minutes from me and erin. it was sad. so after school, emma and i hung out at higleys just talking. it was great. sarah was working so we all talked about college. then john came in with rachel and her friend, which was really great cos i've been wanting to meet rachel for so long. she looks like sarah, but she's so different in personality. after higleys, we went over to john's house and hung out til it was 12...meaning time to go home. so it was a good night overall. well...going now...good night. soundtrack for today...you can love her...angelfish! (on a side note: how do guys keep from getting hard ons all day long. i mean even when i'm not sexually stimulated, i get wet. sex consumes my dirty little mind. if i were a guy, i'd totally have a everlasting hard on. i mean come on! i don't get it.)