had a series of nightmares last night revolving around the same thing. or rather that was all i could remember :| wanted to call/msg you right away but i didnt eventually

sigh

so anyway, had chocolate fondue for dinner out on the porch last night ((: hahs believe me it was GREAT. thought the baguette was the best, followed by roasted marshmellows! woots it was darn satisfying i swear :D

hoho watching the premiere of Singapore Idol with the family after that was just heaps of fun!

listening to Holiday From Real provides sanity when it all seems too much to bear :)

omg think i really am damn lucky when it comes to the chem quizes la. :D theres no dispute whether i revised or even looked at my notes to begin with. i really have zilch knowledge of the chapters la but by some luck i still do reasonably okay hahas. i think Mrs Tan's teachings from sec 3-4 has stood me in good stead :D

i dont like jam :|

and ive really really made up my mind this time round. downright tired of all this shit la, its so dumb man

aniw my eyes are wide open now, pun FULLY intended here. actually i should wait till term three begins eh? or it'll be pretty painful :|

speaking of pain, my right ankle hurtsss :( think i didnt stretch properly before training on saturday la UGH. cant even practise now wth ._.

SYF results are out already & i dont really know howta react to it aye. wasnt looking forward to knowing it cus i really dislike the idea of people placing a "value" on our production

its like we worked five whole months to present it to three people who dont even know us. and we get in return a label according to what they thought. as in i just feel that whatever result we got or couldve gotten will never rightfully honour the process we went through togt. truly cherish & treasure what we shared as a team more than anyth else ((:

yes, more than the GOLD we got.

hahas there i was dying to jump around the ER in excitment, the rest of the people seemed so calm & nonchalent ._. worse still, all of them who knew tried to bluff us with their depressed looks

realised that the non-academic achievements this year are really well aye. mmmm :) guess its impt to start doing something about my 4subjs eh?

randomness: i miss cheer pract tonnes! was watching the videos again and i realised one thing in common, theyre all filled with LAUGHTER ((: ahh those were the times la seriously.

its the 27th this saturday, ONE MONTH ! :D aniw hopefully zibbie doesnt go to msia this weekend aye. then we can go togt to watch them compete!

:)

i love my vball partner very much <3 photos we took last week!


happy girls ! hahas yes sweaty, sticky & sandy too we know



and again (:



our hands say 17 incase you were wondering. thts our record beamsssss :D my personal fav photo cus our smiles are so bright!



walking out of sentosa. lol we were lagging behind taking photos oops.


click to enlarge yea

mm anyways the best part about college day was the performances. CO rocked totally :D uhh not literally of course but both soloists were so good!

training in the morning was pretty alright. didnt get our bones cracked this week :D mm did popping again & omg shaopeng is seriously damn good la! andie please stop hallucinating and pretending like youre not part of the noob gang okay~ lunch at yoshinoya was like playing bridge with limited trump cards ._. obviously we didnt win many sets lol

gossiping is evil i swear. tsk you find that everyone is so sneaky & sly when it comes to it, much as they dont appear so. hilarious nonetheless hahs

alrights wake up wai! like how suann reminded me, its a phase and i'll get through this NODS. :D

(friday entry but the time blahblah ..)

mm retail therapy today with my sister! twas great being with someone i can be totally comfortable with :)

ive got four new tops stashed in my closet now hoping to be undiscovered as yet. hahas if my mum finds out shes gonna freak la, considering how under-utilised my closet currently is.

ohwells, till then i'll just be content with my buys for now

rahh dont wanna go for college day but its kinda late to back out now aye. sigh missing NJ's funfair for training tomorrow morning as well

okay i think ive enough negativity to last me for months now. :| so upset i might just puke now

rahhh whatever.

sigh :(

adding to the collection, Shy is currently my middle name as well. this is so frighteningly stupid & yucky i cant stand it either :| sheeeeesh

bahhh i should just dig a hole in the ground and die la. wai stop looking away as if youre guilty yes?


the strong feelings of negativity is diminishing thankfully :) no longer feel so disdainful towards certain individuals or things anymore. hope it blows over quickly~!

woah the vball finals yesterday was super exciting la! was so into the game i couldnt breathe at times lol.

sheesh im hungry!


well this place is old
it feels just like a beat up truck
i turn the engine, but the engine doesnt turn
well it smells of cheap wine & cigarettes
this place is always such a mess
sometimes i think i'd like to watch it burn
im so alone,
and i feel just like somebody else
man, i aint changed, but i know i aint the same
but somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams
i think of death- it must be killin' me

ohno thr are alot of negative feelings im experiencing now. i really dont like this :(

helmi said: ensembles was VERY VERY VERY GOOD!!!!!!

bahhh just thought we could be better though. mm but no point in brooding over it i suppose cus i dont really see this as a competition aye. the entire experience really rocked :D it was great when we were sitting at the open space before perf. the feeling was so strong within the group, those tears shared.

really missed this feeling somehow. i still remember during Mother Courage chinthin & i didnt dare look at each other. we both knew that once that happened, we wont be able to control ourselves. this feels somewhat like tht i guess

thanks suann & wong for coming down :D thanks for the pocky, hahas im HUNGRY! appreciated the well-wishers too aye

icecream at island creamery was yummmm :) burnt caramel omg! then it was dunch/linner at the shop beside it. hahas cant remember the name of the shop though but the students' set meal was like woah damn economical

food aside, i feel so exposed now !! sheesh the staje people caught me at such a vulnerable time it ended up as a tell-it-all session ._. and i was the only one contributing la! apart from daffy's flapping story (inside joke) that is.

i declare today as the Unglam & Sinful Day. :D

mm i'll continue another time about the other stuff in my head but its basically
- pissed
- disgusted
- sad
- disappointment

generally, negativity i guess. :| mm time for bed, shant skip school like joe is encouraging me to tsk!

mm after months of rehearsals, its time for show.

this sadly marks the end of staje for us j2s as well aye. really wish it isnt so

yes its true that i cant recall the last time i went home in broad daylight after school. or a day that i didnt doze off during lessons. and how long has it been since i had waffles at gelare, fried mars bars, subway cookies, brownies from Brownie Factory, godiva chocolixir & all the cravings my sweet tooth yearn for. honestly i cant even remember the last time i wore my jeans (wonder if it still fits :|)

much as life's been busy+tiring since the year began, i dont want things to be over like that. :(

oh wells depressing thoughts aside, guess i ought to focus on performing well tomm instead. lets have fun alrights people :D

--

realised certain things lately & it kinda scared me. hate it when i have to be so wary of everyth cus people are just so damn unpredictable.

but due to my brain being extremely dysfunctional recently, i'll think about it another time. hahs i know everyone's prollie going does she have a brain to begin with & the likes. whatever it was, things are kinda worse now aye

for instance during chem tutorial, Mrs Chai didnt even bother to split zibbie & i up like she did with the others. hahas we decided that its cus we both looked like wasted drug addicts so she couldnt be bothered

thanks suann for the muffin :D love!

alrights, time for bed! -yawns

i swear ive an eating disorder. cant stop eating :( rawr ohwells

hahas waaay bored now and totally unmotivated to read my hypo testing lecture notes. so another entry it shall be :D thank god statistics is gonna be over soon! had enough of empty notes from sleeping during lectures ugh.

realised one thing i dislike most about the weekends is that i miss the class. bahhh especially suann & wong :( okay the econs class too. but its okay, the weekend's so short i'll get to see them tomm :D first thing in the morning no less whee

sometimes i wonder why i bother to sign in to msn at all. i spend 90% of it appearing offline and the other 10% feeling anti-social hahas.

alrights im off to get MORE food :D hahas my obsession with food is getting out of hand la

enjoyed today alot :) which basically explains a second entry aye

liquid popping was fun wheee! hahs it was agreed that learning technique is definitely more enjoyable than steps. at least we've sth for show now LOL

but my back's aching like crazy after all the cracking la :( ughhh that has to be the worst part man

watched I Not Stupid II with my mum just now. its pretty exaggerated with stereotypical characters and overplayed situations. nonetheless it managed to work my tear glands. nahh didnt cry but yea was teary-eyed on many occasions though

realised something damn sad from the show: no matter how much you love someone, it could all come to nothing if you dont express yourself properly.

sigh guess ive gotta learn to be more expressive yes?

ladidums a quick entry before going for training.

im all bruised, legs are full of scratches & peeling away. oh yes the blistered foot, arms all spotted red due to the repeated pressure applied, along with an aching body.

sounds terrible innit? hahs but i dont regret a single bit of it aye :D afterall making a new (okay its our first & only) record with my volleyball partner is nothing but heaps of fun! woots i love playing beach volleyball grins

finally a trip to sentosa :D 'twas tonnes of fun albeit the drizzles & throngs of people aye. didnt manage to get a tan this time hiaks but we'll go again :D

spending vesak with my favourite people is just yayness :) hahs drinking vitasoy & chattering about nothing in particular was definitely good

just realised how pissy i get when my sleep is interrupted. or when anyone irritates me when i just awake. hahs its like what i always tell momo: GRUMPY, complete with my hands on my hips & a facial expression to match. hahas damnn like how xiao is so deprived of the sun, im definitely deprived of rest. so pretty please just leave me alone when im blurry-eyed

syf's drawing near alrd, its down to mere days now. but yea i have faith in us :) especially after thursday's session. it was truly a wake-up call for myself, and i suppose everyone else too.

alrights gotta get going or i'll be seriously late :| hopefully all things go well for the coming week aye. hahs :D

i remember when you came with me that night
we said forever, that you would never let me go
but here i am again
with nothing left inside
know i dont wanna
but i gotta let you go


ohwells i swear things get more weird by the day. mind's a mixture of being pissed, happy, whiny, silly, noisy and grumpy.

hate it when i feel thin but i get all yucky about the flabs too. :| since i cant find that balance, my weight just increases & decreases rapidly depending on my mood. yuckssss

how much weirder can i get? hahas i seriously think its more exciting attempting a science paper when you dont study for it. :D trying to recall the things i hear in my semi-conscious state during tutorials/lectures is somehow fun i dont know why. ohwells

anyways i love wednesday nights :D cus thursday is sucha relaxing day wheeee. and there are my favourite lectures too grinsss

ooh and daffy's back! ladidums missed you girl :D

thank goodness for online music & my brother's lappie. or i'll be super pathetic since my com has died :( but all my pictures are gone rahhhhh depressing la

okok time for bed. super sleepy :(

:D

the recent conversations with rate just reminds me of the old times we talked all the time about everything :) hahs its probably the only few sms chat convos i bother to maintain for days.

random song stuck in my head:

but if you left it up to me
everyday would be
a holiday from real
we'd waste our weeks
beneath the sun
we'd fry our brains
and write its so much fun out here

'jacks mannequin


oh shoots im running low on battery alrd :(

aniw the other thing that makes me happy is of course .. hahas :D uhhh i think the staje people should get what i mean aye, especially yip who witnessed the whole thing whee happiness la!

i promise i'll support at least one vball match! and wong has to go with me hahas :D ohplease let their matches be after syf. my fingers are crossed waaay tight

reading suann's blog entry about how she & her partner, jingjie, managed to pull it off just reminds me of the couple dance we had initially

LOL.

i recall the day zibbie told me the pairing. hahs i was worried of falling to my death somehow though we were only gonna do step-up.

my partner who couldnt (and still cant ._.) bend his back, which led to the both of us losing balance all the time. then theres his tendencies to follow me in kicking his leg up, doing the girl's moves instead. hahas oh who can forget the obsession with the ripple effect, and stupid things we did

-laughs. i kept asking the other guys to give him tutorial cus our pair was more entertaining in the embarrassing sense than performative sense. then we begged zibbie to scrap the move we hadta lean back togt in a circular motion, which she refused initially.

tadaaah but finally at eugene's we came up with a new set of dance moves :D suddenly he's the guy with the most feel woots!

cant believe all that fun's over :( miss cheer pract tonnes! sigh. hahs but shaopeng, zibbie & i will tryta rope more people in aye! hahas maybe by the end of the month we can have majority of the JAGUAR team training togt again :D

speaking of training, my back's still sore after the bones cracking :( hahas and i conclude im a really slow learner eeks.

at the rate im running, i think ive completed a marathon already

not okay, honestly.


its time to head to yet another destination again.

'tired

so i might try
to leave it all behind
i know tomorrow's not so bright now

i'll say goodbye
cause nothing good can last
you wear and figured no where fast
but today i dont know how
to keep it all inside
but i guess i'll let it slide

today, i dont know why
i thought that it was real
but i guess its no big deal