i still cant believe how an sms & a simple greeting on MSN could make me this happy. i was really flying & grinning when i received the sms last night (or this morning if you prefer), albeit being 1 in the morning. sigh, this is so wrong i swear. :( acks mighty confusing and it doesnt help with my headache laa.

that aside, im just got back from shannon's! :D had mighty load of fun with fish, harry, justin (who joined us later), shannon & xavier la, laughed till my head & tummy hurt so badly. well im glad their power of persuasion was strong man :D

slacked around, i ate gummies & read while they played majong & daidee. ohhh and we ordered pizza for dinner :D plus, xavier broke the bed while doing justin, shannon AND the bed ;) hilarious i swear. lotsa tickling, and other lame stuff, some of which contributed by yours truly. lol you cannot see me! ahh wells :D

mm well off i go now, meeting the dearest Bitching Partner Cerise tomm :D -gringrin. cant wait!

:D

in a mighty good mood right now! heh but feeling kinda shagged though, ohwells but its a great feeling laa :D good way to start my holidays for sure.

ok lets see, met up with my bitches xin & xiu at 10.30am (yes like OMG) and i was only 5min late! hahas and i wasnt the latest either. -beams. plus, i was late cus the bus took super long to come ok, not my fault! hehhs see i CAN be on time if i want to ok :D

did what we used to do, but sadly the three of us were super stoned & shagged. hiaks :( mm but nonetheless, it was fab to meet up with them laa. missed them both TONNES.

mm walked to youth park to meet fabian after that, since both the girls had something on in the evening. watched some of the streetfest performances, met royston too. sat down, slacked with them (ok maybe i was the only slacking) & watched two local bands perform. qing & yins came down for awhile, but left soon. mm basically hung out with the two guys until the whole thing ended. ohh and i managed to catch the entire bitchy dispute they had also. hahas goodness it was quite childish if you asked me, i mean they were not even listening. but ohwells.

cabbed home with the two guys & gary aft that. hahas managed to keep to my curfew too :D didnt exceed it by too much. hahas extended it to midnight cus at 10pm i was still sitting down slacking away.

ahh it was fun :D hahas i dont know why either, just enjoyed myself alot la basically. mm but my feet are killing me now, got blisters for some weird reason. its not as if i was wearing new shoes or anyth. -shrugs. ohwells.

mm gonna spend my sunday slacking at home :D hahas shagged man. lalala holidays !

ahhh :) finally, a break from the hectic life in AJC. wells a term has passed, and really quickly i must say. it has been rather alright, and the highlight of it all was probably Mother Courage :D

wells im really sorry for the lack of proper normal pitas updating sort of entries. pardon me, but i promise such entries some time soon aye? and yes, the photos too, i'll upload & caption them ASAP alright. hiaks i know im taking a super long time la

so meanwhile, enjoy the holidays everyone :) hahas and advice from the MUGGERFIED wai today, study hard! lol alright i'll shut up.

have fun people :D and PLEASE msg/call me to meet up ok? hahas i'll draw up a calender or sth la, in case i start forgetting everyth again. i really wanna take this chance to meet up with every single one of my friends this June :)

i happily lifted this off daryl's blog:

It was soooooooooo fabulous to see wai again ! She came strolling in fashionably late decked out in the latest fashion looking oh so fine. This paragraph has been fabricated at her request haha.

--

the last line was so redundant! and i specifically told him not to say so.

- waii. lost my hp AGAIN. says:
say sth lik
- waii. lost my hp AGAIN. says:
* like
- waii. lost my hp AGAIN. says:
OOOOOOOHHHH IT WAS FAB TO SEE WAI AGAIN !
- waii. lost my hp AGAIN. says:
lol and dont say i told you to say tht !
- waii. lost my hp AGAIN. says:
hehe
hungry hyperman says:
haha

hahas ohwells, the simple things in life that makes us laugh :D but yepp OOOOOOOHHHH IT WAS FAB TO SEE WAI THEM AGAIN ! -beams. ahh i miss ohfiveasstwelve tonnes. wells, the holidays are coming, we've gotta meet up soon man :D

lost my hp :(
in stnicks.

yes i know im stupid.
careless, irresponsible and whatnot.
dont remind me please
and i know that its my THIRD time already.
UGHHHHHHHHHH
im annoyed with myself as it is.

sighh.
nothing to say,
except maybe
i told you i was stupid

:(

my computer conked out on me just now, so whatever ive just typed is gone. but ohwells, the convo i had with vonn is still around :D gotta be thankful for the little things in life aye.

yepp, anyway the above was one part of our convo. hahas i love tht babe supersuper much :D ahhhh.

well im too lazy to update once again, lalala :D

TIRED! hahas im so drained lately its horrible. and this is reflected in the photos i took, MY ENORMOUS EYEBAGS ARE SO VISIBLE ! :( even my mum thinks so too. how mighty depressing this is.

-frowns.

anyways, its saturday morning :) weekends! stoning away, chilling out listening to sad sappy breakup love songs feeling relaxed. ahhh feels good to me!

mm suddenly thought of something that happened yesterday which made me really scared. i saw this couple, and the guy resembled someone i knew. my reaction was something i never imagined, its like my heart just fell right through me, straight smash to the ground. then on a closer look, ok maybe i glared, it wasnt a person i know.

felt so relieved, which made me kinda worried. what on earth is happening to me? did i misinterpret my reaction, or is there something wrong, cus i never expected this. really got me thinking, honestly. :|

ahhhhh, goodness help me! well, hopefully i'll get to meet vonn later, and she can save me from this whole crappy mess. till then, i gotta maintain consciousness :D hahas its the song that zhen sent me quite some time ago, super cute!

strange how a moment can alter your whole life.

well, nothing exciting or life-changing happened in case you were wondering. then again, something might have happened, just that i havent realised the changes as yet. its just some random thoughts in my head, which seems kinda crazy.

i guess alot of theories & philosophical ideas in life, have ceteris paribus conditions attached to them. for example, what brother ong said during GP lesson just now.

he said there is no need to fear failure, being scorned, jeered & all these negative feelings. this would prevent just from living for the moment, to the fullest. but i disagree. i mean its true, that if you are true to yourself, you probably would have a much more meaningful life. but it isnt so simple is it? lets face it, these negative emotions doesnt feel good at all, they make us feel lousy about ourselves. even before people see you for who you are, you'd probably lose your self-confidence altogether.

it really isnt easy, to be yourself all the time. cus lets admit it, we cant just conveniently ignore what people say all the time. no man is an island, we would be affected by what people say. and in most people, if not all, there is a need for acceptance, whether we realise it or not. this is also reflected in Maslow's hierachy of needs isnt it?

so how on earth, are we gonna achieve it? it is possible, but difficult. which is what i mean by, ceteris paribus conditions. sometimes, philosophy makes life sound so glamarous, when it is the exact opposite.

so i guess, we cant trust all, and hafta learn to judge things intelligently. philosophy is but Life, translated & all dolled up with flowery language & pretty ideals.

it well thats how i feel la. -shrugs.

--

as i said, random thoughts.

well, off i go to meet the girls now :D enjoy the long weekend everyone!

how can you just walk away from me, when all i can do is watch you leave?

that, once again doesnt mean anyth, i was just listening to the song. mm i wish, that i could be a better person, but im not. its so tiring, im getting so bored nowadays.

i wanna go out, shopping, talking, catching up, have FUN & just go back to the beautiful times.

was just thinking about how i havent met my sister fabian since forever, and he messaged me just now to ask if i wanted to meet! :) so coincidental i swear, and it really brightened my day so much cus its been quite some time since i last met him & all. but sadly, we didnt get to meet afterall :( nonetheless, it still brightened my day la. :D

:)

we really did it. so darn proud of everyone, cus you guys were just so brilliant. well done, bloody well done :D

the powerful magic that theatre has, simply amazing :) honestly.

well, not gonna talk about the stuff in detail right now. i just need a little more time to organise my thoughts. plus, its time to hit reality again :( my GPP is still undone.

you dont have to put up a fight
you dont have to always be right
let me take some of the punches
for you tonight

listen to me now
i need to let you know
you dont have to go it alone
and its you when i look in the mirror
and its you when i dont pick up the phone
sometimes you cant make it on your own

i know that we dont talk
im sick of it all
can you hear me when i
sing, youre the reason i sing
youre the reason why the opera is in me

where are we now?
ive got to let you know
a house still doesnt make a home
dont leave me here alone

--

sunday morning rain is falling
steal some covers share some skin
clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
you twist to fit the mold that i am

but things just get so crazy
living life gets hard to do
and i would gladly hit the road
get up and go if i knew
that someday it would lead me back to you

that may be all i need
in darkness she is all i see
come and rest your bones with me
driving slow on Sunday morning
and i never want to leave

fingers trace your every outline
paint a picture with my hands
and back and forth we sway
like branches in a storm
change of weather
still together when it ends

but things just get so crazy
living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling
and im calling out to you
singing someday it will bring me back to you
find a way to bring myself back home to you

there's a flower in your hair
im a flower in your hair

--

nahh, not trying to convey any message using these lyrics. lotsa thoughts on my mind, kinda caught me off guard. so just sitting here listening to these songs chilling out.

havent felt so emotional in a long while, all the songs in my winamp just bring back so many memories. makes me feel like crying, wanna go back to the past & do all those things all over again.

well, there are many things i wanna pita about, the words are practically at my fingertips now. however my thoughts are completely unorganised & head's just in a mess now. so lets just wait till the end of the week to do a proper entry.

meanwhile do listen to those fab songs, and have a great weekend everyone :)

im filled with excitment thinking of the week ahead :) although tomorrow is so gonna freak me out totally, econs+math common test. but the general picture of the week looks like its gonna be interesting, albeit tiring.

well, after the tests tomorrow, its gonna be hitting town for xiu's birthday :) wonder how things would turn out, hahas shant eleborate, this being the WorldWideWeb afterall. but im filled with anticipation to meet up my darlings after so long! im pretty sure many things would have changed by now, but hopefully the things that i hold so dear would stay the same. :D and i sure am keeping my fingers crossed that it'll be a great day for the birthday girl, she deserves it. 2005 been quite a rough ride for us all, especially her, so yeahh i'd really do anything to make things good. :D

tuesday, well im gonna try catch the table tennis match between NJ & RJ. its the finals, and i honestly hope my rocker reuben & sister fabian would win! :) lol no prizes for guessing which team i'll be rooting for.

wednesday would be bumping in! :D hahas gosh and the performance is coming as well, cant wait to see everything. lol ok though i probably wont get to actually see it, since i'll be at the stage left door. but ahh wells :)

--

i remember last tuesday after i went down to support the NJ table tennis team, even though the match was against AJ, wanwei asked me something that really made me think. do i see myself as an AJCian or an NJCian?

i paused for a moment, not knowing how to answer that. especially at that point of time, cus i had alot on my mind, and many things were happening.

a part of me still wished things could go back to the way they were before. i missed, and still miss, ohfiveasstwelve (i even remember how the name came about), slacking in the canteen, mugging/playing bridge at the oasis, taking an odd combi & laughing at the PCME people, being part of the OC, trying not to be late & always see lung on the way to school, thinking up all sortsa ways to escape PE lessons with the thong guy/tongtong, venezia, the tomyum place, KAP, the three hour breaks on free period mondays, pigout tuesdays, bubble tea wednesdays, celebrity thursdays, slacking fridays, eyecandy watching, horrible chem lab days, playing with the chem lab lift, TC-13, laughing at the math tutor, whining to the chem tutor, having CM with the senior class, playing the angelmortal game, hanging out at youth park, the road run, Luciano & solaris, stoning together .. ahh there are just so many other things!

i miss cerise, the piggies (ie. huiyi & sam) especially much, to the extent that i feel like crying sometimes. at that point of time, i recalled what the piggies said two days before, i really wish you were here. life seemed to have played such a cruel joke on me, just as we got so close, it pulled me out & planted me in AJC alone. when i finally settled down & found people i could trust, it took them all away from me. my friends, were every else, but in AJC.

i thought of the period i was in denial, when i felt like this was a huge nightmare which would be over soon. i guess that was why i didnt even cry during my initial period in AJC, cus it all seemed so surreal.

yea sure, right now im no longer that person who felt completely crushed when she thought about spending the next two years in AJC. nor am i depressed about wearing the factory uniform either. i had moved on, stopped thinking about alot of things, controlled myself from comparing & complaining so much. infact, i am starting to getting used to the changes that took place, with regards to the environment & people.

yet somehow i realise i would never be able to fully get over this. it would fade with time, and i have no idea what the future holds for me either, but the memory of this whole episode wont disappear for sure.

so back to the question, do i identify myself as part of AJC or NJC? well, i told her neither. for now, im just me, Wai Ling. i dont belong solely to anyone, or anywhere. but rather a part of me has been left behind, with every phase ive been through. ive lost so much, but yet gained alot at the same time. if given a chance to start over, i wouldve really did many things differently. but honestly, i dont regret all this & infact am thankful, cus from these experiences ive learnt so much.

i guess that applies to everyone, life is never smooth sailing. you lose part of yourself to something or someone, but at the same time take a part of that person or incident with you. guess this is how we grow up, and thats what makes us a stronger person.

--

mm sorry for the long and almost nonsensical entry. just need somewhere to air my thoughts. lol i havent spent so much time really focusing & writing everything down before.

this isnt complete yet, and i guess my pitas would just continue to keep track of my life. :) watch this space, my life story would go on, each day better than the day before. rest assured im still the wai you know, ever so whiny, stonerish, annoying, cranky, full of spasticity & all :D hahas so watch out for me!

lol but right now, i really gotta fix my econs. and yes, i'll rid the poison in my life, one step at a time! keep rooting for me aye? :D

ahhh im so drained. :( i wanna run away.

is there a way to stop myself from doing the wrong things? the rational part of me is constantly reminding me that i actually have a conscience, but somehow i just lose control.

-growls. i guess thats why i need sometime alone la, which explains why i chose to stay home today aye.

im HUNGRY :(

hahas im eating so much, its practically as if im pregnant or sth. so gonna grow FAT la, hiaks. and its affecting my lifestyle terribly la, for once i dont feel like going out, on a saturday! lol serious inertia due to an increased mass.

ahh my life as a physics student! hahas ohwells.

life's a-okay now, though there's still lotsa crap going on, but yeahh its the people that makes living so worthwhile :) lazybums, piggies & etc (notice how my friends are all so sluggish)

wells, talked on the phone with xiu from 10 to 2 :) hahas happiness! miss her so much. and i met my piggies last night too, it was good la, cus i just love my friends alot alot :D

laters.

im so tired, lets just take it as my fault ok?


dont wanna fight anymore,
dont wanna face you,
dont wanna have anyth to do with you,

just let me go.

--

ask no questions, and i tell no lies. there are alot of questions i have no answers to, and its really draining me to think about them. so yes, there are alot of things i dont wanna talk about, and i dont suppose i owe you any explanation.

i just wanna live,
or rather, i wanna leave.

ive tried to go on like i never knew you
im awake but my world is half asleep
i pray for this heart to be unbroken
but without you all im going to be is incomplete

mm backstreet boys, incomplete.
its been quite awhile since their last release, and im glad that theyre still producing such great tracks :)

--

ahhh crappy day, rushed down to chung cheng (lol yes correct my pronounciation if you please) intending to see the ohfiveasstwelve people, but yea it didnt go too well i guess. hung out with sister fabian since everyone else left so early :(

super tired, that i came home & literally crashed on the bed, without bathing, changing or even removing my contacts. really crazy honestly, i was THAT shagged.

-growls. im bored!! ahhhh :(

i just archived my april entries. hahas, it really amazes me, this is the third time im archiving april entries. lol confused? well, first time it was april03, then april04, this time its april05. :D

darkblu.pitas is two years & a month old already. :D what a journey it has been. the milestones of my life all recorded down, each of them holding memories, some happy & others painful. yet all of them unforgettable & has made me grow in one way or another. but yea, this is my life, and its unique story. :)

speaking of milestones, i guess last night was yet another milestone for hui, sam & i, the piggies. i cant help but go wow, honestly. :) i have never imagined it to be like that, and i know i probably have said this many times, but it isnt gonna hurt saying it once more. three girls, so radically different, yet our minds work the exact same way. its quite unbelievable, somewhat like three of the same person, put into different bodies, background & lifestyles. but somehow we managed to cross each other's path by chance, and everyth just happened. :D goshhh i cant wait for friday!!

hahas thinking about what happened yesterday really makes me smile la, it was so totally spontaneous & suddenly it seems that going home wasnt so important after all. -laughs. from hugging goodbyes at orchard mrt, to okok lets sit down and talk for awhile, to rushing for the taka macdonalds, to getting chased out cus they were closing, to sitting outside taka to continue the conversation, to finally leaving cus the cockroach disturbed us. hahas wow :D

trust me, its totally crazy, but i like! :D hahas. so yes, our next appointment would be friday. really thank them for all that, its been FAB (: i think my life would be so dull without them man, and i'd probably go nuts due to the lack of thought-provoking conversations in my life.

ahhhh! hahas okok i gotta start mugging already. no more slacking anymore, or i'll probably just die during the week man.

anyhows, happy labour day everyone :)