went without clothes on Tuesday, February 18, 2003
=grrr haloscan=
is my comments generator working? whenever i load it up it toggles btwn being okay and having a hissy fit.
why can't i get any work done?! dammit! too distracted, all the time...
must...do...laundry...
my suite is right now filled with a random mix of music noise ranging from sheryl crow to abba and bsb. this is very, very surreal.
your poem of the day:
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say ice,
From what I've tasted of desire,
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if I had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
-Robert Frost, "Fire and Ice."
now isn't that pretty?
07:31 p.m. |
went without clothes on Monday, February 17, 2003
=the craziest.=
something for me to think hard about:
camille said to me today that i operate on two levels of esteem...with certain things, i'm just fine, but when it comes to emotions, she thinks my self-esteem drops.
=) i, of course, maintain that i'm simply realistic.
but apparently, whenever i try to talk about how i feel, i qualify it with some excuse--like, "i want that role, but i know that [whomever] is gonna do a much better job in it." she said, "you and ally have the exact same problem--neither of you think you're good enough to have your feelings valued." well, i don't think ally and i are *exactly* the same in this regard...and it's not that i don't have enough self-esteem; i'm pretty big-headed as is...! i guess it's more along the lines of, i hate impeding on people; and i always feel like if i am emotionally difficult people won't want to deal with me.
in either case, she told me that i have a right to my emotions, and i shouldn't apologize for them. so this is my declaration of conscious effort to take up space, to express, and own how i feel. huzzah. ^_^ here's to personal promises.
02:27 a.m. |
went without clothes on Saturday, February 15, 2003
=i was wrong.=
rolando was right. wes and rudy were right.
daredevil was pretty bad. *although*!! i did like SOME parts of it. honestly! i did...really. but it was pretty bad.
luckily, we more than made up for it. after daredevil, we watched lola rennt, which marcos hadn't seen and LIKED (whew), and then i was introduced to revenge of the nerds and revenge of the nerds, part 2: nerds in paradise, quality films both. haha. my cinematic exploits are so random.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, RAMAN!! :) thank you for the im of love.
I LOVE YOU, ALANA!! =) you're too sweet.
THANK YOU, SHIRA! :) i love the quote!
EM ENTE, you rock my world! =) thanks for the valentine, sugar...
to JENNY!!! :) it was wonderful to hear from you and get an e-card. you're the sweetest. see you when i get home!!
and to my beloved suitemate CAMILLE, thank you for my chocolate + valentine!
05:59 p.m. |
went without clothes on Wednesday, February 12, 2003
=cubed=
too...much...pasta...
this one goes out to wes and rudy, in anticipation for friday--i have to admit, i'm MORE than psyched for daredevil, which i have crazy amounts of faith in. their main argument is, "ben affleck can't play a superhero." but, i will maintain i think he's a very talented actor, and there's lots of material there for him to do good with! plus, jennifer gardner, michael clark duncan, colin farrell?! please boys, how can it NOT be great. andrew and i have been looking forward to this one since spidey. with the recent super-success of the action hero movies (do you all remember how great x-men was?), i think this one is totally going to follow in those footsteps...wes-and-rudy-skepticism aside. :)
plus, if we saw st:nemesis, i think you guys can humor me enough to go see daredevil!! right? lol. =D
07:38 p.m. |
went without clothes on Tuesday, February 11, 2003
=triumphant return=
at lunch today~ ME. ally, i had some really eye-opening reading last night, and a great discussion in class--honestly, i've never felt more comfortable being me.
ALLY. (smiles) finally!
well, sorry for the extended hiatus, but i'm back! :) thank you jon, for wondering what i've been up to and encouraging me to come back. january was devoted to my big directoral debut, which was a huge success!! the post-mortem is tonight, but overall people were impressed and i couldn't be more proud of the show. i have some issues with the review that was in the paper, but wes has heard all about that already...! (feel free to read the review here, but know i have some qualms with it...)(haha, i'm not biased or anything!)
anyway, what i wanted to think about is this discussion that we had in class this morning. i'm taking a course called American Genders, American Sexualities, and for this class last night we had to part of read a book/collection of essays by Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick called Epistemology of the Closet. essentially, it's a book about literary criticism in a gay light, and the introduction, the part we had to read last night, included a section that began like this: Axiom 1: People are different from each other.
how beautiful is this thought? it's simplicity stuns me. here's the part that really struck me, though, and it's a list. okay, sexually, how do we classify each other? gender, man/woman. or, masculine/feminine. or, orientation, homo/hetero, right? well in this section, Sedgwick talks about tons of other definitions society could have adopted to taxonomize sex. here is her list, straight from the book (eep, so i'd better cite it: University of California Press, Berkeley and LA, 1990).
Even identical genital acts mean very different things to different people.
To some people, the nimbus of "the sexual" seems scarcely to extend beyond the boundaries of discrete genital acts; to others, it enfolds them loosely or floats virtually free of them.
Sexuality makes up a large share of the self-perceived identity of some people, a small share of others'.
Some people spend a lot of time thinking about sex, others little.
Some people like to have a lot of sex, others little or none.
Many people have their richest mental/emotional involvement with sexual acts that they don't do, or even don't want to do.
For some people, it is important that sex be embedded in contexts resonant with meaning, narrative, and connectedness with other aspects of their life; for other people, it is important that they not be; to others it doesn't occur that they might be.
For some people, the preference for a certain sexual object, act, role, zone, or scenario is so immemorial and durable that it can only be experienced as innate; for others, it appears to come late or to feel aleatory or discretionary.
For some people, the possibility of bad sex is averse enough that their lives are strongly marked by its avoidance; for others, it isn't.
For some people, sexuality provides a needed space of heightened discovery and cognitive hyperstimulation. For others, sexuality provides a needed space of routinized habituation and cognitive hiatus.
Some people like spontaneous sexual scenes, others like highly scripted ones, others like spontaneous-sounding ones that are totally predictable.
Some people's sexual orientation is intesely marked by autoerotic pleasures and histories--sometimes more so than by any aspect of allerotic object choice. For others the autoerotic possibility seems secondary or fragile, if it exists at all.
Some people, homo-, hetero-, or bisexual, experience their sexuality as deeply embedded in a matrix of gender meanings and gender differentials. Others of each sexuality do not.
after reading that for the first time, i felt so much more comfortable being me than i have in a long time. i'm not queer, but the same question goes back to the review for my play that said my casting choices were distracting, seeing girls who were "obviously not overweight talk about their weight problems." well, the play was about body image, and every one who has a body has a body image--girls who are terrifically underweight have weight problems. similarly, i'm not gay, but sexuality is something that everyone deals with, gay or not.
okay, one more thing, then i'll be done. during our discussion today, we discussed how one of the other authors we read compared sexuality to diet. i *love* this comparison! no one thinks any less of you if you adore spicy foods; that's ridiculous. everyone has something they don't like, or refuse to touch. and then everyone has their comfort foods. taste is not a biological condition; identical twins may have very differing tastes in foods, and not one is biologically more fit than the other because of it. who are we to say that one sexual lifestyle is more right than another? further, there are lots of things that we eat that is not for caloric value; i love questioning that only reproductive relationships should be valued. it's interesting to think about a time when we can de-stigma-fy sexuality enough it will be equivalent to making a lunch choice. i don't see it happening soon, but the analogy is great. :)
01:58 p.m. |
went without clothes on Tuesday, January 14, 2003
=unmarked white pills=
okay, this will be EXTREMELY nonsensical, just b/c i'm feeling a little out of sorts right now, but need to get this all out.
here are, basically, some of my notes from a video that i saw today on body image and advertising:
impossible image of ideal physical beauty, learned guilt at failure to mirror that image, body equated with object/thing.
constructed bodies--breast implants, which cause you to lose sensation in your breasts. (THINK about this: you go from being, then, a subjective creature, from deriving pleasure and sensation from your body, to being a purely objective creature--they are there purely for others!)
food advertised with sex, as a substitute, promoted to meet emotional deficiencies.
in relationship to control: that a lack of food is indicative of control, that fitness equates to goodness and virginity and purtiy. resulting in shame for eating.
prejudice: this is one of the last socially acceptable forms of discrimination.
$33 billion weight loss industry capitalizes on fads, using moralistic language in relationship to food--temptaion, sin, salvation--equating fat with being morally wrong. using diet to sell other things--like cigarettes. (also think about this: what were virginia slims ads [luckily now a thing of the past], with thin models pushing away food, telling girls? they should SMOKE rather than EAT. they should cultivate a habit that will kill them rather than a normal human necessity?)
i know it's not in complete sentences, or follows any real line of thought, but it's all swirling through my head right now, and i can't think.
02:32 p.m. |
went without clothes on Sunday, January 12, 2003
=i didn't do it...but if i'd done it, how could you tell me that i was wrong?=
jan. 10: groundhog day jan. 11: death to smoochy
it's not fair that everything seems destined not to work out for me. i put in so much effort, i try...i have good intentions. but that's always a joke. why is it always a joke?!
an ana story, not edited even though i can't stand reading gramatically incorrect 1st person stories (she's 25, jesus):
I am 25 years old, and going back too my good old friend ana. She is good too me. She makes me the person that I want too be and what others what too see. You see I am one of those girls, who when you look at her you think that everything in her life, must be absolutely wonderful, when actually... What you see is what I have been trained too do. I live in a bigger city in Michigan, not the capital, but not Detroit. My family, one of those well too do types. My father a successful business man, my mother, the typical stay at home and tend too the house type of crap. My older sister, is the mother of 4 beautiful children, married too a doctor (of course), my brother, a police officer. Than me, the youngest. The complete disfuntional one of the family. I am the one in my family that drinks and smokes in public, and I have been known for my "wicked tounge" as my mother puts it.
But on the inside of our walls..... You see my mother, the weakest women in the world that stays with her waste of a drunk husband, cause she wouldn't have any income if she didn't have him... She wouldn't have her fat 350lbs ass sitting in a house worth 1/2 a mil wondering what book she was going too read. My sister, yeah she does have it together, I admit that. My brother, following in his fathers footsteps I am afraid. And me.... I have been with my boyfriend for the past year, struggling off and on with our relationship. I love him so much, that I will welcome ana in my life again. You see, I was anorexic when I was 17-19yrs old...
Why did I start in the first place? I don't know. Too prove that I could do it. I guess, nothing tramatic happened too me. I just wanted too loose some weight. At the end of my Junior year, I had decided that I wanted too look wonderful in my senior pictures. When school ended I decided that only a select few friends could see me that summer, I wanted it too be a surprise too all of my friends how different I would look. In mid June I weighted in at 195lbs, in the end of August I weighted in at 130lbs. That is what you call talent. When I got back too school, teachers and counslers were shocked, and right too the guidence office I went. "Oh no, I just tried a program, that is all nothing serious. I swear." I am the queen at telling someone something is not serious, not too worry I have it under control. Well I chilled out on the weight loss, until Prom. I had 3 guys ask me, and a 21 year old won the victory of being my date. Well I wanted too look incredible, so I went dress shopping. I foud this amazing dress, size 8 only, I was pushing a 12 so I had three weeks too drop down again. By the night before prom, I decided that I would try the dress on.... I had too get an emergency alteration done, it was too big.... :) How do I drop so quick... My favorite trick, when I get up chug a liter of water, Dexitrim Dexitrim, couple of asprin for the headache, and a diet mt. dew to get your ass moving. If you are good, one apple before 6 pm, your body can't break the sugar down in your body any later than that. Than, exercise. Whenever you can. I usually would do 1.5 hour of aerobics in the morning, and run at night.
I lost touch with my supporter (my best friend went to a place in New Orleans to get treatment) and I lost my train of thought... And here I am fat, fat, fat.....
Why now. See, I love my boyfriend, he is beautiful. Tall, dark, handsome, a cowboy who wants too take me away.... But his one thing, he wishes I would loose some weight. I know that I need too, and I have been trying to be healthy about it, but I don't see that working any more. He told me the other night, that if I get back down too 120 we can get married. He wants too marry me, but I just don't think he wants too be known as the guy who married the fat girl. We love the outdoors, but I feel like if I put on a bathing suit I am a imbarassment too him. I don't want too be that. SO I took action. In May I started, 246lb (please don't say harsh things about me being fat I already look in the mirror all day) I am at 205lb today, and I am aiming at 175lb by August 1st. If that happens (which I hope too be lower) I figure I should be at 120lb with a diamond on hand about mid October. I would like it sooner. But I need support. Something that people won't really notice I'm doing, but would kick ass at loosing weight. When are you posting the stuff on fasts? Please email me any tricks/trades.... Pills, laxitives, programs.... Help me get my ring and my man... That is all that I want right now.
what kind of asshole makes his gf lose weight before he proposes? there's some seriously f--ked up shit going on in this world. i am so grateful that i've always been treated well by guys (and friends); that they respect me, and don't hold their love from me like a ransom else i do something really unhealthy. it's so awful, i feel so close to dangerous thoughts sometimes, but there are so many other people out there who need the kind of support i have, and i can't give it to them. i try so hard, but i am so helpless when it comes to saving other people, i can't even deal with myself sometimes, and i just feel useless.
01:47 p.m. |
went without clothes on Friday, January 10, 2003
=short and sweet.=
1. the girls in my show are absolutely amazing. i'm blown away every time.
2. daredevil is going to be SO GOOD. i know it.
3. movie today: the mothman prophecies
02:42 a.m. |
went without clothes on Thursday, January 9, 2003
=is it a waste of time...is it me? is it you?=
they shot it! i don't even subscribe, so i can't see the video...probably lucky for me; i'd think that'd be distrubing!
hey, big guy. how ya doin'? you want a sooooda? "Two liters is nothing. I could urinate two liters for you right now. But 30 liters? That's untouchable."
Your Lord of the Rings character is...Galadriel Ghandi, Obi-Wan, Galadriel, you - old souls all. You seem to exude fathoms of insight and experience, the kind you couldn't possibly have come by in one lifetime. Often looking younger than your years yet wiser than your peers, people have this sense of you being somehow other-worldly. Which is sometimes cool and sexy but sometimes it's just a bit smug and annoying.
Calm and measured, you rarely let fly with a careless word. Rather every utterance drops from your lips as crystallised wisdom. And you're the kind of person about whom the masses sit, reverent and adoring, waiting to hear your words.
Beautiful and serene, people are always falling in love with you. But there's a hint of sadness about you too, as though you mean to tell us, "the world's more full of weeping than you can understand." Which works wonders on hormonally charged adolescents and incurable romantics but just occasionally you could do with a good slap and being told to lighten up.
Gracious and kind, your elfin charms are powerfully seductive: be careful how you use them. BADASS! i'm a F--KING ELF!!!! YES!!! =D which lotr character would you be?
michael jackson baby drop games.
Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate? brought to you by Quizilla *whimper* i love him so...
01:18 p.m. |
went without clothes on Thursday, January 9, 2003
=can we do it?=
winter study/january movie goal: can one a day really be achieved???
*grin* yeah it can. progress so far:
jan. 4--minority report and spiderman jan. 5--rounders and monster's inc. jan. 6--magnolia jan. 7--austin powers in goldmember jan. 8--who framed roger rabbit?
i love winter study.
03:45 a.m. |
went without clothes on Wednesday, January 8, 2003
=this may be a long one...=
here i go...
wahine soul...
so my family and i went on vacation to the bahamas for the week of christmas, and we stayed in the Atlantis resort on (get this!) Paradise Island. :O) it was cloudy most of the time, but luckily still warm. we did everything--went snorkeling, played on the beach, went out on boats. it was nice to spend time with my family.
a thought about the bahamas: i was lucky enough to go to maui last year for winter break, and i thought the waters there were absolutely gorgeous. but it was *nothing* compared to the bahamas. there were times when i was sitting on a boat, or standing at the beach, and looking at the water literally took my breath away! i thought, more than once, "this is the most beautiful place i've ever seen." hands-down.
i think that the ocean and the water is really my beautiful setting of choice. *grin* it's not that i don't love the mountains here, or the desert back home. i've been captivated by some of the most beautiful snowfalls i've ever seen at williams...but i've never really been as taken with my surroundings than when i was standing in four feet of crystal clear water, looking at schools of tropical fish swim by my tummy, with my toes digging into perfect white sand. it was unbelievable. it was so serene! and warm! i just love the water. i wish i could use words to describe how i felt for you guys--it was just so great.
mmm brr.
which i guess makes an interesing segue into my spiel (*grin* wes) on how cold it is here in williamstown right now! for some reason i'm not feeling affected by my heater...darn it. it's been snowing for a couple days straight, pretty much (and probably for a couple days before that, even, but i wasn't here for it). i'm feeling very little motivation to go to the gym, to go to pick up my mail...even to go visit andrew, cause all the shortcut pathways are all covered in two and a half feet of snow (and even some of the regular pathways!).
at the same time, it's very beautiful: right outside my window, these huge (i dunno what they are, pines? evergreens?) are frosted with snow, and it's just like if someone up in the clouds had dusted them with powdered sugar. *smile* which is a fun thought.
roses, anyone?
anyway, back to my break...i got a call from my dad, who--surprise, surprise!--turned out to be in LA. so i went and spent new year's with him, my stepmom, my stepsister and stepbrother, and my little half-sister. we went out for dinner (steak!), then thought it might be fun to hang out for a couple hours in old pasadena. lol, we just forgot one thing--that all of pasadena nearly shuts down, for the rose bowl parade on new year's. so after we watched all the people camping out on the sidewalks of all the streets, we went to have boba instead (i acutally went with my mom's favorite, a hung dou bing [red bean ice] as opposed to my usual staple boba...). it was cool, though; that was the first time my dad had ever been with me while i was driving! :O) he was (sorta) pleased i could drive stick shift.
flicks! so, also while i was home, my friends were all great enough to make the long trek down to irvine to see me! gina mentioned to me that she wanted to see chicago, which i've been really excited about for a while now, so somehow we managed to cajole elaine even rudy and wes into coming to see it with us. aaaand guess what? even the boys liked it! :) really! (or so they said, right guys?) hehe.
then, rudy and i dragged wes to go watch nemesis (*groan* yes, it's true, i'm a trekkie, i'm sorry, i'm sorry!!). acutally, i liked it (not as good as first contact, but still...). the only thing was, i was sitting next to wes, who kept snorting at the script and the cheesy-ness of it all. LOL. he kept making me laugh, too!! and it was also hysterical because i would lean over to him at crucial points in the movie and whisper, "...that's BAD!" hehe. OH! one more exciting thing: while we were in line to get tickets, i saw movie posters for a kid's flick coming out called holes. i was so excited i called ryry on the spot and told him about it. holes is a kid's book by louis sachar that i bought for him and we both read--and LOVED. its a great kid's book, interesting and complex and never condescending. so we're both really really psyched to see this movie! yay.
finally, gina and elaine and i got together with barrry and we watched analyze that, which was pretty funny. mainly, it was nice for me to see barry, whom i haven't seen in such a long time! but the movie was fun, and we played around for a while in the spectrum, and then went and had pho. get this--i think i may have even converted elaine to pho!! ^_^ i'm good.
flight from hell. schedule for coming back to williams: i left my house friday evening at 5.30. i had a 7pm flight to san jose. (?!) i waited in san jose for a layover that lasted from 8pm until 11pm. then i took an 11pm semi-red-eye flight (semi-, cause it was only half the night!). i got into chicago o'hare at 4.30 in the morning. THEN, i had to wait until 9am for the first flight out of chicago to albany, getting there at noon. not cool! luckily, i had the cell fully charged and plagued rudy with calls at multiple points along the way. (oh, he wasn't doing anything important...!)
who's seriously reading this? well. there it is. my update for the last two weeks...that's not even including the past couple of days! but seriously, at this point i highly doubt anyone is doing anything but skimming, so i'd just like to point out--to all my friends who may be going through tough times right now--i'm here for you if you need me. please make use of me...
funny moment
ME. (a little whiny) i'm tired...
HALE.(making fun) "i have to go to the bathroom...i'm hungry...mom, are we there yet?"
ME. (playing along) "he crossed the line!"
HALE. "he hit me."
ME. "he's making fun of me! he tried to push me out the window!"
HALE. (pause) no i didn't.
ME. (pause) that's true.
again. maybe ya had to be there.
04:06 p.m. |
went without clothes on Saturday, December 21, 2002
=i am soo lucky.=
sooo, christmas came early!! :O) we decided to exchange gifts pre-vacation, and my parents got me lots of stuff i'd been wanting: spidey and monsters inc (dvds), plus dangerous liaisons and the corrections (books)--and socks! haha, yay! =D my mom likes getting me cute socks. ryry got the warhammer 4000 game (he loves it; he's excited to put together all the pieces and paint them), plus some books of his own (the 2003 guiness world records book and i got him "a samurai's tale", which is really good) and an electronics set with wires, led's, transistors, etc (i didn't learn about that kind of stuff till freshman year! he's so much smarter than me). my mom loves (and looks great in) the b.r. sweater i got her (silk! her favorite color! sleeveless! gorgeous! perfect...), and i teased my stepdad about "reclaiming his youth" when he opened the metal speed racer poster i got for him. all in all a successful morning! =D
i wish you all a very happy holiday season!! *BIG HUG*
02:03 p.m. |
went without clothes on Friday, December 20, 2002
=*sigh*=
well, we all knew the honeymoon wouldn't last forever, didn't we? ryry has been throwing attitude at me all day, being fussy, demanding, bratty, etc. ^_^ i knew it was too good to be true. i just thought we'd last longer than two days! haha.
yay, vacation!! i can't wait--beaches, resort, food, etc, etc. :O) i can't wait to tan and have pina coladas and take pictures...all that touristy junk.
plus, the plane ride will be great for me to work on MMW, and work through some blocking and other ideas i have. hopefully, if i prepare enough, everything will come together in the two and a half weeks that we have.
okay! current stats:
song i'm searching for on the radio: "running away" by hoobastank
movie i want to see: solaris, adaptation, chicago
fiction i'm reading: "lolita" by nabokov
nonfiction i'm reading: david sedaris's "holidays on ice" (very funny ^^, )
tv show i need to catch up on: last tuesday's 24
grades to date: A, A and A-!!!! oh man. can't believe i pulled an A- in abnormal psych...liz dimenno rules for drilling all that info in my head! and here's to extra credit, too.
grade i'm waiting on: just PNI. i think i did okay on that lab report, though. anyway, i'm soo excited about the others, it almost doesn't even matter! this gets the 'rents off my back for this break, at least.
purchase: just bought an exercise top to act as my new tankini top.
laughter thought: yesterday, ryry and i met up with wes at brea to go shopping (or at least get ideas). so we got ryry's paint thing, then hit up waldenbooks...bookstores, somehow, manage to have the perfect thing for whoever you're shopping for, ever notice that? =D our biggest kick was picking out books for rudy. among those considered? "pregnancy for dummies"..."the girl's guide to self-esteem"..."how to be a domestic goddess". LOL. we were rolling on the floor laughing. it was great.
05:17 p.m. |
went without clothes on Thursday, December 19, 2002
=sick! sick!=
letter rec'd from marcos, subject line:"Worst movie reviews EVER"
So apparently my old high school has a newspaper, which is really cool, except for the writing in it. They had a feature under "entertainment" where this 9th grader (I imagine) wrote "Christmas Movie Reviews". Here are three of them, verbatim, unedited, from the website...
THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
Tim Burton (1993) The story of the leader of Halloweentown named
Jack Skellington, who meets a parallel universe-
type place called Christmastown. With really cool
graphics, and original characters, this is not an ok
movie for little kids, since there are scary characters
(for real). It's a movie that makes a nice transition
between Halloween and Christmas.
JINGLE ALL THE WAY
Brian Levant (1996) Awesome classic with Schwarzenegger who can't
make a movie without action. That's right, this
classic has a lot of action; Schwarznegger goes
through a lot of trouble to get his son what
he wished for Christmas. Nobody has ever gone
through trouble to please his kid; but we are
talking about Turboman, which is only the
coolest toy ever, but he just can't keep his hands
on it. Excellent sentimental touch with a lot of
special effects. That's right, special effects!
BARNEY'S CHRISTMAS STAR
I didn't find the Director This great movie by Barney and Friends teaches
toddlers about the importance of having a
Christmas star and it links back to when the wise men
followed one all the way to where baby Jesus was
born. This is not a classic but has the potential
since it was just released last October 22.
Awesome movie for all Barney fans.
my reply: please, please tell me this is a joke...is this a satire? please. (*gouges eyes out with a ski pole*)
...aaaand, marcos's reply: I don't think it's satire. This is from the same paper that has the following
headlines in its news section: "Russia-Chechnya conflict manifests itself" and "Euthanasia kills"
...Satire this brilliant only on "Family Guy"
11:25 a.m. |
went without clothes on Thursday, December 19, 2002
=the men in my life=
so, the two towers was great; not as great as the first one, not as great as the trailer (come on, the requiem music?!), not as great as my fantasy, but still great. there were more plot problems and slow parts, but it was breathtaking nonetheless. (maybe if i get my act together i can put up a movie review...m3 has been abandoned by its previously faithful servants.) (i blame wes.)(it's true!! he totally neglected it!! i had no motivation without his dedication!!)
can we just talk for a second about how incredible legolas is?
actually, better to not get me started.
anyway, so i came home from the movie and dinner last night (wonton at sam woo--first real chinese food i've had in so long!) and was all ready to watch my 24 tape, but got too tired. :O) incredible, huh? my stepdad said to me, "cynthia. you haven't slept...in *days*, have you?" i was like...erm. no.
but ryry's holiday choir concert was this morning! he was so good, and i had to embarrass him by screaming "YEAH RY!! WHOO!" among all the grade school kids and their parents. lol. i am the *worst* sister ever.
but i had this weird thought as he was up there on stage!! you know, ryry, with his hair cut, and the shape of his face, and his skin color, looks A LOT like...wes!!! seriously! i don't know what it is, guys, but you gotta see him lately--i was like, wow, this is weird. my brother looks like wes. btw, i tried calling ya twice, and your dad kept picking up, being like, who is this? can i take a message? what do you want? haha. i was kind of intimidated!
tentative plan for today: bypass lunch? maybe. i want to hit up the spectrum, see if i can't find myself a decent suit that doesn't show off the tummy...then i gotta be back home by 1.30 so i can take ry to brea mall to get his paint thing, and maybe get some christmas shopping done.
10:21 a.m. |
went without clothes on Wednesday, December 18, 2002
=sweet home CA=
got in at 11pm last night...and had to wake up early to take ry to school! :O) but i don't mind, ryry and i always get along really well right when i get back (oh, but give it a week, haha, we'll be bickering soon enough!).
this is cool; i was talking to my mom on the phone this morning (trying to work out times to go see LOTR, of course), and she says to me, "you should stop by the spectrum. i think they have a pac sun. didn't you want a new bathing suit?" (we're vacationing next week) and i was like, "um, yeah. i did. is that okay?" and she says to me, "yeah--i mean, you have all this time free during the day. go out! go shopping!" ...*my jaw drops*...this is extremely atypical. so i tell her..."okay." lol. and then i told her that those words were what every 19 year old female loves hearing. haha. she said, "just don't touch my credit cards!" hehe. silly mother, i wouldn't take her plastic...doesn't she know she pays for my credit cards? lol.
this morning ryry says to me, "wedge, will you take me to the mall on thursday?" (that's the first day he gets out of school.) talk about some atypical conversations going on in this house! turns out he wants some base coating for painting some figurine thing. i think it's soo cool he asks for me to take him places now. i love it.
tentative plan for today: must unpack...then i have to drive all the way downtown to little tokyo for my dentist appt. there, i fear i shall be faced with a small conundrum, which is should i give into the japanese food weakness, and have the first real japanese food i'll have had since the summer? i run the risk of running into ppl from the lapd/mayor's office who i know w/o having thank you/christmas cards on hand for them yet. alternatively...i could come home and have a boba. mmmmm. anyway, whatever--then i come home and help ry with his homework (by the way, can i just say that he ROCKED his report card?! all A's and one B in math. holy sh-t that kid is smart, i'm soo proud of him. send him an email congratulating him, will you? he's at rygoo @ cox dot net, thanks). we wait for mommy to get home, then LOTR! LOTR!! whoo hoo. we're psyched.
ahh yes, who doesn't love a good old fashioned personality test? ^_^ leave me a comment as to what personality type *you* are!
Type Two: The Helper The caring, interpersonal type. Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.
(i find that's kind of generous...i was also high on 3, 6 and 7...)
08:15 a.m. |
went without clothes on Monday, December 16, 2002
=lost and found=
I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
Why are you running away?
04:21 p.m. |
went without clothes on Sunday, December 15, 2002
=give me a little credit...have in me a little faith=
UGH. yesterday was ROUGH. 9.30 am psych disorders final, then PNI research lab due at 5pm (which actually didn't get turned in until 3.30am...but hey, it's done!)
saturday's away message:
Auto response from xc253: welcome to my WORST DAY EVER.
please, please don't talk to me unless you're going to say something nice.
i just might kill something.
sticks of gum since 9.30am? EIGHTEEN.
*LOL, there's hope for me yet. thanks for saying hi, sam. ^_^
ShiraTAriel: you don't have to im back, i just wanted to say hi and that i love you. you're so talented and funny and wicked smart and adorable and giggly and such an amazing friend. i am so glad to have you in me life. hope today gets better, or at leat that it ends soon. you're the best! love always, shir
*thanks, shira. i appreciate it.
cmboucher (8:04:32 PM): haaaaa
Auto response from xcrazi253 (8:04:32 PM): WORST DAY EVER.
sticks of gum since 9.30am? TWENTY. cmboucher (8:04:35 PM): i love it
cmboucher (8:05:00 PM): that's the result of an oral fixation
cmboucher (8:05:11 PM): not your work
*lol, chris, you crack me up!! way to pin me, hehe
ALSO, thanks to everyone who stopped by to cheer me up!!
-i got cookies and a hug from emily...
-craig stopped by and recounted some of his own bad days, complete with an out-of-tune score, lol.
-lucas (water/blind) came over to encourage me to go out and party (call it incentive to hurry the damn process along!)...
-mike came upstairs and told me he was lonely--and even offered to walk me over to turn my lab in! awww...
-and rhianon stopped by after finally emerging from her library reclusion to (get this) do some more reading with me. :O)
i have the best friends ever. thanks guys.
and your final quote of the day (or, rather, *my* final quote of the day): "for all our discussion...and neuroticism...alcohol just kind of crashes through all of that like a wrecking ball, doesn't it?"
11:10 p.m. |
went without clothes on Saturday, December 14, 2002
=F.=
even though it's technically past the 13th, HAPPY B-DAY TO BECCA!!! :O) love you.
so far, feedback on the new layout has consisted of alana's vehement hatred of orange. sorry babe. it'll only be a couple of months, tops. ^_^
I'M GOING TO FAIL PNI. i'm so ashamed for prof. friedman to read my paper. i am, literally, embarrassed to turn it in.
so here it is, finals time, time for cyndi, right on schedule, to become neurotic. liz and i studied from 2pm-5pm in schow, then went back at 8.30pm to study till around 1am. i'm still not prepared for the cumulative essay. really--what the hell is this essay, anyway? why the hell do we have to write it? it's pointless. and can i just take this moment to say, reading about psychotherapy sucks ass. it's great if it helps people, but i simply hate the literature.
thanks for everyone (the small number of you guys) who saw the junior seminar's persephone today. it was nice of you to make the walk all the way out to spencer in the cold.
orange mango juice? it's cheering up the depressing PNI thoughts, anyway.
01:30 a.m. |
went without clothes on Thursday, December 12, 2002
=gotta support the ifilms=
plan for today:
now: meet dave in schow.
2ish: meet w/prof. friedman re: PNI paper.
4pm-6pm: persephone rehearsal in spencer art.
7pm: dinner at new indian restaurant w/2nd fl. B.
but here's my exciting plug for the day--see the trailer for rolando's new mockumentary here or at romanstyle films. ^_^ it's just a trailer so far, but definitely looks fun, and come on, who doesn't love matt shafeek's kidnapper pose in the picture?
01:02 p.m. |
went without clothes on Thursday, December 12, 2002
=new colors=
well, variations on a theme, i suppose...nothing too exciting. what do you think?
03:35 a.m. |
=beautiful.thought.of.the.day= The sleeper will awaken....And the world will bleed.
=name.the.flick= RALEIGH.Are you ever coming home?
MARGOT. (pause) Maybe not. But--
RALEIGH. You're joking.
MARGOT. No. But--
RALEIGH. I want to die.
