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La
Fillette:
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+ e-mail
+
name: CW-chan
+ birthdate: August 26
+ location: Canada
+ obsessions:
+ hobbies:
+ loves:
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*beauty
*intellect
*loyalty
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+ loathes:
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Favourites:
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+ colours:+ books:
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*Johnny Got His Gun
*Ender's Game
*Seaward
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+ movies:
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*Adolescence of Utena
*Schindler's List
*American Psycho
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+ musical
groups/artists:
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*Gravity
Kills
*Disturbed
*Creed
*Finger Eleven
*Stabbing Westward
*Gackt
*Luna Sea
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+ songs:
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*Enough
*Stupify
*Illness Illusion
*Twin Moons
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+ words:
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*beauty
*intellect
*whimsical
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+ foods:
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Inspirations:
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+ those that inspire and
love:
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*P-chan
*DS
*Pickles
*BB-chan
*LG
*JJ
*Mav
*CC
*E
*LL-Mama
*Ochiba
*Moo
*Rob
*Oba-chan
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+ those that I cuddle:
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*Teika
*Lynx
*Basil
*Tummy
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Anime
Favourites:
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+ series: Gravitation
+ manga: Shirahime-Syo
+ mangaka: CLAMP
+ bishounen: Fujimiya Aya
+ bishoujo: Line Inverse
+ villain: Nakago
+ yaoi
pairings:
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*Schuldich x Aya
*Youji x Aya/ Aya x Youji
*K x Touma
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+ yuri pairings:
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*Haruka
x Michiru
*Manx x Birman
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Links:
Reccommended
Authors:
Words Lived
By:
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"Dream different dreams
while on the same bed." -Chinese proverb
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Languages, Fluent and
Broken:
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+ English
+ French
+ Japanese
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Goodbye...
Friday, July 12, 2002
02:15 p.m.
Dearest Jack, I have lit a candle
in your honour. Rest in peace. We loved you.
The Smoking Debate
Thursday, July 4, 2002
05:32 p.m.
You know what pisses me off?
Stepping outside the mall when that insane nicotine craving kicks in,
then being called disgusting
by some prudish middle-aged woman with children. I'm sorry, but if
you have a problem with smoking, keep it to your fucking self. I
don't go calling women who have screaming children who run around in
circles incompetent bimbos who can't keep their demons in line-- to
their faces, anyway. Isn't it common courtesy to not insult people who are trying their best to blow the
smoke away from prudish faces? God, I am so fucking
sick and tired of people getting on my ass and hating me because I
happen to smoke. Does it make me a bad person? Have I been exiled
from society because I inhale tobacco out in public? No, it doesn't
even seem to matter that smoking is a personal thing. Even if I don't
smoke outside-- if someone catches a glimpse of that cigarette pack,
run for the hills. Apparently, you're a monster if you smoke-- a
monster trying to kill children and further disable the disabled.
Well, for those of you who have such illusions, wake up. I smoke
because I want to. I smoke because I am addicted. If I get lung
cancer-- I don't really fucking care at this point. Don't preach to
me. I'll quit when I'm good and ready. I don't smoke to spite the
non-smokers, the apparent 'heroes' of
this world. I smoke for myself. Don't feel so fucking special because
you think I do it to cause lung cancer and heart disease. *Sighs.*
Sorry if I've offended, but assholes who discriminate make me sick.
Physically. Just like cigarette smoke.
Find your emotion!
No shit.
What Type of Villain are You?
mutedfaith.com
/ <º>
*Smirk.* That's me. And, for
those of you who celebrate it, happy Fourth of July.
Random Chirps
Thursday, June 27, 2002
03:43 p.m.
Have you ever come to the
realization that you just don't like some of your friends? It's a
bad feeling. Very bad. I felt guilty because my immediate reaction
to this revelation was all
that lost time!! I'm a
terrible person, I know. Would you have me any other way?
Yuck, I'm in a mood. Not angry, but getting there... Don't know why.
But, my eye's twitching, so something's a-brewin'. -.-' Damn P-chan
and her redneck musicals. Hmm, I'm sure I have something to rant about... Oh! I've discovered that Chal is
not only my fic goddess, but my blog goddess as well. The stories
about her cats... *Chuckles.* I'm way too easily amused, I think.
Maa, ne.
Rob gets back today. In fact, he
should be walking through that door any minute now. I'm exicted to
see him. ^___^ I'm such a daddy's girl. *Snicker.* Wonder what
he'll say when he sees my hair...? A foot and a half of my
highlighted locks now lie in a dumpster somewhere. I felt so naked
after I got it chopped off. It was passed my waist before; now I
look like Yotan. 0.0 I miss my hair~. Oh, well, I'll give it eight
months. My hair grows fast.
Yes, people have been wanting to
know about my writing situation. Sorry, guys, but I'm so damned
blocked... and ashamed, because The Uke of the Universe was the last thing I left for you. >____< I
think I'm going to take the summer off-- yes, two months-- and give my poor brain a break. I'm still
waiting for that motivation... where's Ochiba, dammit?!
>____<
I hate the summer, I really do.
Sunlight does not agree with me. I don't burn, but I loathe heat. Absolutely can't stand being hot... I want
winter back. ;____; Not to mention the bug factor. *Groan.* And
swimming. If E tries to get me to go swimming at his house one more
time, I swear I'll go homicidal. I don't like water! Is that so
hard to understand? Swimming does not agree with CWs. At least I
don't bloat up and sink like Oba-chan... But still, unless it's a
shower or a hottub, I ain't going near it. Chlorine irks my soul...
and my hair. Another reason why I hate summer would have to be that
I miss half of it. I don't go to bed till four in the morning, and I
rise at about three p.m. I'm bad. But, the a.m. just does not exist
for me in the summer, unless it's still dark out. ^____^ *Is the
epitome of a night owl.* But, dammit, I'm working this summer!
*Tears.* The world is gonna end... and on that note, ja!
Insomnia
Monday, June 17, 2002
01:46 a.m.
You know, I should be in bed right now, considering I hafta get up for
work tomorrow. But... lately, getting to sleep has been a fight.
Perhaps drinking Pepsi and smoking before bed has something to do
with it. >_> No way... Anyway, yeah, life is gradually becoming
normal again. My stress level has greatly decreased, though I'm still
worried about my grandmother, and I miss Rob. ;_; Oh, well. C'est la
vie, oui? Oui. Nyer, babbling in French at a quarter to two in the
morning is perhaps a bad idea. Maybe I'll spout some random Japanese.
No. My English is bad enough as it is, right now. I might screw up on
other languages. *Sigh.* Teika's staring at me, her big blue eyes
begging me-- pleading
with me-- to come back to bed. Her little tail is curled around her,
and her head is tilted in silent question as to what the
fuck I think I'm doing, not cuddling her and
all. Damned cat's demanding. >_< Oh, well. She'll live.
^___^
Yay, more stupid tests! *Has
developed an unhealthy addiction to said tests.*
What kind of ANGEL are you?
Quiz made by Angela
Fwee! Call me CW-sama, ne? ^___^;; No.
Which
Gackt are you most like?
quiz by  mcvarmazi
So purdy. *____* I'm a purdy Gackt!
What am I talking about? All Gackts
are purdy. ^___^;;; *Really needs to stop typing
'purdy'.* Nyer...
What's
Your Sexual MO? Find out @
She's
Crafty
*Purrs.* ... I'm done. Oyasumi
nasai~.
Breaking Point
Sunday, June 9, 2002
11:23 p.m.
It is always said that bad things
come in threes. How fucking true that is. First, Joe died. Then I
had to go out of town on Friday because my grandmother was
hospitalized-- we still don't
know what's going on, by the way. For those of you who have e-mailed
me with your condolensces, I thank you. Now, for the third slap in
the face: Rob is going to England for an undetermined amount of time.
Break my heart in three, why
don't you? This is terrible. I'll miss him so much, and we have no
idea how long he'll be there. This is CW when she's depressed.
*Sighs.* Had me a bit of an emotional break down when Moo told me.
I just don't know what to do. I'm a mess right now, and there's
nothing I can do to cheer myself up even slightly.
There are other family issues which are happening right now, but I
refuse to get into them. P-chan knows, and she's the only one who
should know. Fuck. This sucks. I need a hug or
something, but I won't ask for one. The last thing I want from
anyone is pity. So why am I writing this is my blog? I need to
rant, I suppose. Whatever. Hopefully, when I wake up tomorrow,
everything will be normal again. Hopefully, I'll have regained my
sanity. If not, I think I'll have to drop off the net for a while.
I'm no good to anyone when I'm not writing, and I can't write when
I'm like this. We'll
see what happens.
Nya ha!
Tuesday, June 4, 2002
05:26 p.m.
Welp, I entered my first fic to Ana
and Gal's Insatiable contest. Yay me. ^__~ I'm still gonna enter
another fic, one which isn't pure stupidity and bishounen smut.
Awww... Maa ne! *Is unusually perky.* Weeee!
Oooh, oooh, I get the Marshmallow
tomorrow! Erm, Moo's car for those of you who are wondering-- does
anyone actually read this? Mneh. Yes, Moo's car has been dubbed the
Marshmallow. It's not a very interesting story, but I'll tell it
anyway: this winter we had major snowfall-- the joys of living in
Canada-- and her car-- a Mazda Millenia, for the record-- was
completely sheathed beneath about two feet of snow. Now, me being the
food-minded person I am, I screamed, "It's a giant marshmallow!" I
then proceeded to go in search of edible marshmallows. Unfortunately,
there were none. *Sniffles as she reminisces.* No marshmallows for
CW... Anyway! yes, that's why the Millenia was named the Marshmallow.
*Stupid grin.* Wasn't that fun and educational? ...the only thing
I learned from that is that I want marshmallows, dammit!!! *Throws herself a little hissy fit.*
>_<
You know... as soon as
Ochiba-neechan gets her wonderful self back online, I'm going to
murder her. Hai hai. She abandoneded me.
*Sniff sniff.* Nah, I just really wanna talk to her, poke her about
Crimson and Breathing Room, make her write smut till the cows come
home... Yes~, I have it all worked out. *Rubs hands together evilly.
Stops.* Oh, for the love of--!!
You are 30%
evil!
[?]
You're still
on the good side of 50%, but you're gaining on it. You're not as good
as you should be, but you're good ALMOST all of the time. There's
only an occasional time when evil takes over you, but when it
does...
Pfft, I wanna be more evil than that! >_< Not fair. Oh, well. I may
not be evil, but I'm a topper. ^__~
Are you a Seme or Uke?
*Insane laughter.* I really need to
stop taking these stupid tests... Maa ne. Ja!
New Layout
Sunday, June 2, 2002
11:08 p.m.
I have developed this rather nasty
Yuusuke x Kurama obsession... I know that
everyone loves Hiei x Kurama, but I really
dislike that little youkai and all his Vegeta-like qualities.
*Grumbles.* Besides, Yuu-chan is cuter; he's not a deformed midget,
plus he gets along with Kuwabara. *Loves the
ugly bishounen, thank you.*
Yeah... I'm in a very defensive mood right now. *Shifty eyes.*
Paranoid as well. My cats are out to get me... Heh, why the hell did
I change my layout so damned fast? I was in a Y x K mood. ^^; Kurama
is so preeeety. *___* I love how he has Yuusuke's necklace in his
mouth. *Shameless fangirl squeal.* ...I'm done.
Which Kiss Are You?
Hoo hoo, baby! I'm a hard kiss.
^__~ Rrowr. *Snickers.* I'm in one of those moods,
obviously. The test-taking, uber-perky and sexually deprived CW is at
your service! *Chuckles.* Yep, I really need
humilty...
I'm almost done my major project!
*Triumphant pose.* Once I got started, it was a breeze to just keep
going. All I need to do is take some oh-so-purty pictures of fabrics
and wallpapers and such-- making a webpage for an interior design
store, by the way-- and type up the history of the agency. Nyaha, it
is almost complete! ^_____^
Working on my entry for
Insatiable... Bastardizing Aya and making Ken all pathetic-like.
*Blinks.* I need to come up with some more material. *Sweatdrops.*
Maa ne. *Growls.* FFnet is down right now... I'm thinking of posting
all the reviews I've received here. *Shrugs.* I'm an egotist.
Speaking of which...
![What Seven Deadly Sin Are YOU? [?]](http://www.sakuracardz.com/questionmark/sevensinspride.gif)
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You're
PRIDE! You like yourself, and you aren't
afraid to show it. You don't like to admit when
you're wrong, and you think you're better than
most. You're represented by the color
violet.
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*Shamless grin.* Heh... Bai bai!
Boycotting and
Speeding
Sunday, June 2, 2002
01:39 a.m.
CW is on a fanfic boycott. Hai
hai. You'll get nothing from me for a while, unless some uber-spiffy
motivation comes my way. That looks unlikely. Maa ne. I'm just
getting sick of writing when I don't have to, or when I don't really
want to. I think I just need to take a bit of a break; not a
terribly long one, mind you. I think that I'll just put everything
on hiatus until school's over... I still have my major project which
is due in a week; I really need to start it.
*Sighs.* You know, I never used to be this lazy... Pfft. Whatever.
Anyway, the only things I'm gonna do for the next little while are
my project, and I need to get my ass in gear for a few contests. I'd
like to write one or two entries for Ana and Gal's Insatiable, and I want to submit another fic to
What's
Your Kink. Ugh, I suck. I
shouldn't want to do this, I really shouldn't. What am I trying to
prove? I know I won't win, not when I'm up against my fic goddesses.
So, why do I enter? I think it gives me an excuse for writing, and
also a backbone to the structure of the story. Something new and
refreshing... heh, kink. *Grins.* Love the entries for that
contest. ^_~
I went to imouchan's today. Well,
technically yesterday;
who's counting am versus pm, neh? *Sheepish grin.* Anyway, I'm
happy. ^^ Heh, I escaped DS' evil clutches and avoided playing DDR.
Poor E... He was stumbling all over the place. It was cute and
hysterical at the same time. Also kind of sad... *Snickers.*
Yeah... I had to pee really badly on the drive home, and we had to
stop to see if P-chan's mom was ready to leave work. >_< I had
to pee, dammit! First thing I did when I got home
was bound to the bathroom, legs crossed and all. My cats were
looking at me funny... 0.o
My driving is getting worse. I
swear, one of these days I'm gonna get pulled over for excessive
speeding. It's not that I'm not careful, I just... have a lead foot.
>_> It's hereditary; Oba-chan is a li'l speed demon. ^_~ Suki
da, Oba-chan. Like she'll ever read this. -.-' Maa ne. But,
seriously, I need to calm down when I drive. I always put on my best
driving music-- a mix CD of Nickelback, Gravity Kills and Stabbing
Westward, baby-- and it just-- I don't know-- motivates me to go... rather fast. <_< But-- and you
should be proud of me for this-- I don't drive while wearing my
platforms. ^^; I'm sure if I did, I wouldn't be able to feel the
pedals. How in the hell do
women drive with Stelletos on?! Ceases to amaze me... I once knew a
woman who drove with her legs crossed.
Anou, I don't think that driving is the time to be prim and proper.
Arg, and I absolutely hate it when
chicks-- I can say it, for I am one myself =P-- put their make-up on
while driving on the fucking
freeway. I was puttering
down the Hanlon the other day, and this woman was going 60km while
applying mascara.
WTF?! 0.0
Anyway, I'm going to stumble off to
bed and smother Teika. She's sitting on my lap as I type this, being
all cute and stuff. But... she's kneading. Claws hurt. ;_; Oyasumi
nasai~.
More Tests and Morals
Friday, May 31, 2002
09:38 p.m.
Moo convinced me to go up north...
Her uncle just died, and she wants me to go have fun. I thank her for
thinking of me. My mom always understands how I feel about certain
things, and she assured me-- a billion times, give or take a few--
that it was okay if I didn't go. She dreads going herself. My great
uncle's family... Sick, twisted people. You have no idea. *Sighs.* I
belong to a very fucked up family, but, fortunately, we don't
associate ourselves with the religious freaks, nor the pedophiles.
Good.
Well, those were my morals; now for
more stupid tests. I need to stop taking these things; they're making
me think strange. 0.o Even my grammar is sounding a bit off 'cause of
them. Hmm... Maa ne.
Which
HP Kid Are You?
All I have to say for this is: 0.0
I've actually never read Harry Potter, but my imouchan is an absolute
fanatic. I decided to do this test, after seeing it in her blog. Oi,
but I did see the movie. Draco's a bitch! I'm not a
bitch! ...I'm a lesbian, though, apparently:
How Gay Are YOU?
[?]
But I like coc-- I
will not say it, I will not say it. *Sighs.* I really need to develop
some sense of humility. Mneh.
The Mourning of
Morals
Thursday, May 30, 2002
05:50 p.m.
My great uncle died this morning.
I'd only ever met him once, and that was at my grandfather's funeral.
I feel bad that he's passed on, of course, but in no way am I
mourning. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so. You can
be sad without shedding tears, which is how I feel right now. I had
plans for this weekend, ones which I had been looking forward to for
a few weeks. I was torn between going up north or going to the
visitation of my dead great uncle, but in the end, I think I did the
right thing; I'm going to mourn. I can always go up north, if not
next weekend, the one after; I will never have another chance to pay
my last respects to a man who I hardly knew-- I should stop saying
that. It doesn't matter that I didn't know him. He
was family, and going to see him one last time is the morally and
ethically right thing to do.
On a lighter note-- I tend to jump
from depressing to downright bizarre, don't I?-- I took another silly
test. Why are the stupid things so fun? And why am I so proud to post
the tacky banners in my blog? Perhaps it is a status symbol of one
sort or another, or maybe it is just proving that I live a rather
dull life. 'Taku... -.- Maa ne.
What Trigun ship are you??
...I think it's saying I'm a slut.
>_> It's... untrue, of course. <_<
Back from the
dead...?
Thursday, May 30, 2002
03:46 a.m.
Mattaku, how long have I been
without blog? Doesn't matter. But, here I am again. In a rather
cruddy mood, no less. *Sigh.* Ever feel like your very sanity is
slipping away from you, like the ground is falling out from beneath
your feet and you have nothing to hold on to? That's the mental state
I'm in right now. Curling up in bed and never waking to the world
again sounds like a good plan, but I know I'll feel differently in
the morning. I always do. What's difficult for me, though, is that I
hardly ever get in these moods, so I don't know how to deal with
them. Everyone who knows me knows how much I supress my emotions;
they all know about the different masks I wear so I won't appear
vulnerable. But, no one seems to be able to help me -deal- with my
emotions. It's hard, really, knowing that once I'm done crying or
screaming or hitting a pillow, I'll just revert back to
one-emotion-CW. It's not that I'm always happy, but I'm never-- I
don't know-- -sincere- around others as far as my real moods go. I
think I've only ever cried in front of two people in my life, save my
parents. Is that bad? Do I have some psychiatric condition which
plagues my very actions concerning my emotions? I don't think so. I
just don't like to cry, to break down, for I want to be there for
others, and I know I can't be if I'm a blubbering mess. I dare not
burden others with the weight of my tears, my sins, or my cries, for
if I do, I'll have to rely on someone. I refuse to be dependent on
anyone, especially concerning emotions.
I'm trying very hard to work on my
various fics right now. Withering Orchid refuses to budge from where
I last left off-- Nagi's now part of it, but... he just doesn't want
to be written. Ara, people have been asking me to do a sequel to
Emotion Withstanding. I honestly don't think I could pull it off. I
don't have the guts. I'd screw up somewhere along the line; I'll
leave it where it is, and pray people forget about it. All my other
writing is on hiatus at the moment, as I'm struggling with my webpage
for school. Why I picked such a dreadful thing as a major project,
I'll never know. I think I'm an idiot. Maa ne.
Take the World of Darkness Quiz
by David J Rust
Ayashi... no... oh, dear LORD!
Sunday, January 6, 2002
12:35 a.m.
Mou! My friends just bought me a belated Christmas gift: the Ayashi no Ceres Chinese DVD. This means that, basically, it's completely bootlegged. So, I pop the first CD into my Playstation 2, all excited and perky. Well, shit. First of all, it takes me about twenty-five minutes to figure out how to get the damned thing in English; I can read Japanese kanji, NOT Chinese. Once I beat the living Hell out of my poor console, and figured out how to set it up in the English language, I pressed play, sat back with drink and cigarette in hand, and prepared to be entertained. Well, I was entertained-- amused, actually-- in a way which I didn't expect. The people who translated the script must have taken the language literally, for Aya was then known as Little Fairy, and Mikage was the Royal Shadow. They screwed up on other names as well-- Yuuhi was Hung Fi, Aki was ... I forget, but it WASN'T Aki, and Ceres... dear God... Ceres was Louise. -.-' Um, did I miss something...? Unbelievable! Obviously, I was... distraut. *Eye twitches.* But, I suppose that's what you get for not buying the real thing, neh? *Sigh.* Well, I'm gonna get back to... *shudder* Ayashi no Louise.
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