9/24/05
[Entry edited due to the fact that Shtetl wasn't mad at me. She was talking about somebody else] Oh well, Me Jason, Christina and somebody else are watching a the DVD of the animated hobit since I've never seen it before. On the way back from our trip we're wacthing saw. Sweet, neh? I love phycological horror movies. theya re just so much scarier then blood and guts alone.So on a wonderful note: Four Words: Brecksville has hott men. So yesterday we played brecksville for a conference game. We (the band) got to go over and talk to them (the Brecksville band) and these Brecksville guys decided they wanted to mingle so they came up and talked to us (Me, liz and Lisa.) There was this really tall one with kind of buzzed cut hair that Liz liked. I think he played trumpet but I honestly don't remember. Then there was this slightly shorter one with blond hair and blue eyes nicknamed smurf that was a junior and played trombone. I could have died on the spot. Lisa, Liz, and I spent the rest of third quater break talking to them about the nazi impilcations of band (and who in each band resembled hitler). They were nice, smart, funny, and just all around awesome. After we got back to the band stands Liz and Betsy (another friend who talked to different guys) talked about how they wised they gave the hott men from brecksvile their phone numbers. I wished that I had enough courage and faith that they guy wouldn't go running off screaming in horror to give him mine. This is diffently a first. Damn female horomones.

8/21/05
Well, my grandfather just died tonight. My dad was with him so was my aunt and my grandma. He wasn't doing to well and I had a feeling this would happen. It started last Christmas. Just something I couldn't explain. Until now. But it doesn't feel like I expected. I always thought that I would be torn up inside and consumed by greif but... it just doesn't feel real. I just can't explain it. I'm not going to be at marching band practice or to the show that morning. Neither is my brother. We're going to grandma's. The visting hours sound like they'll be wed. My mom says I don't have to go to school but I am going to try. I can't miss the first day no matter how upset I am. Damn it. I just saw him a week ago. How could he be gone...? I love you grandpa.

8/12/05
So on Thursday I went to my grandma's. I went to her doll club meeting. The entire thing was about princess dolls so I felt a little out of place in my Wal-Mart-biker-jacket and black chocker. On the plus side I was the tallest one there. Since it was one of the special "bring a family member (aka little girl)" day there was a special group of us (kids of about 5-8 and me -__-;;;) that were princesses for the day. I know what your thinking and it honestly wasn't as bad as it sounds. Though I did feel awkward I got to meet some really interesting ladies. The woman who drove myself, my grandmother and another of the club members there was married to a pilot in world war two. His plane was shot down and he died but she loved him so much she never remarried. I had a flash back to fantasy book moment when I found out. It was nice to see my grandma so happy again. My grandpa isn't doing to well and she's been really down in the dumps. He seems to be going back to the hospital about twice a week now and he looks really frail. I hope he's going to be all right. I love my grandpa so much. I can't bare the thought of not seeing his smile. I told my grandma he would be all right and said that if he was strong enough to make it this far he would be all right but I felt so empty when she smiled. I wish I could just convince myself. Then I wouldn't feel like a liar.

7/9/05
Well I just got back from vaction and I just feel like I've been a fool. One of my friend's has been really mad at me, She has been focusing upon me as a person to be igonred unless I'm doing somthing she doesn't like. Maybe I'm just a parinoid person but it feels like she was leaving me out of things, planning them infront of me and just being really cold to me. I think I know what I did but I'm not sure. And no one can tell me what going on. I want to as her. I want to ask. But I'm afaid she'll either be cold again or I won't be able to handle it. I want to jump up and scream "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!?" but I can't. Someone please tell me that I'm arrogant, that I dress funny. Tell me that I'm to simlar to or to different. Someone tell me I am a pompous know it all. Tell me I suck at everything I do and that I'm trying to be cool but I'm not. Hurt me. Hate me, just don't ignore me. Break my spirit but don't cage it. Trust me, compilment me, be my friend. Do something, Do anything. I just what to know what's going on inside. Tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can prove I can do what's right. I want to make myself into a good person. Even if you don't think I can handle the criticisms just tell me what I didn't to make you mad. I won't change who I am for anybody but I'll try to keep away the parts that make you frown when I'm nearby. Tell me if that's all of me so I can leave you alone. Just give me a light if even a black one. I don't want to be in the dark.

7/7/05
well Christine comes today. I'm typeing with only one hand because the other one is blow drying my hair. I've been working on re-dyeing it today. Yesterday night I went up to the lake with Christy and Amanda I went wading up to my chest but I just couldn't bring myself to go swimming because my mom would have klled me. ^____^; I really missed hanging out with my friends. Sometimes I don't feel like I belong. IO still think Liz is mad at me. Either that or I'm just being parnoid. Probably the later.My head BURNS!! Anyway I couldn't have been happier when they showed up at my house. Sometimes I feel like the odd man out. Especially when I hear them make plans but I know I'm not included. Hell, you probably think I'm being stupid right now. Getting jealous over a little thing like that. I really do want my friends to be happy. It's like that one song "You're not here" from DDR. "You'd gladly give me everything you had and more... craved my happiness. When you made me feel joy it made you smile, but now...I feel your stress." I'm like that person that they're singing abut. I'm not happy unless the people the people I care are about are happy. That's probanly why I have the tendancy to change personlities. Around some of my friends I'm fairly outgoing and crazy. Around others I'm very quite and distant. When I'm proving somebody wrong I get loud, intellectual and morbidly sadistic but when I'm just talking to some people I'm fairly reserved and slightly dim. I dunno. Whatever. Fosff.net is going to be up again today So I'm fnally going to get to post my last chapters on there. YEAH!!!

6/30/05
So everybody guess what? I'm up on XANGA too! Some girl in Texas already took my name so I'm under Crimson_cat instead. I'll still be posting here (and probably more often) because I like Pitas better. I dunno wherther any of my friends have noticed I'm there yet or what but who cares. I didn't post in Liz's, LaRue's, Shoova's or Shtetl's blogs. I think Liz and Shtetl might be mad at me... I'm not sure and I'm probably paranoid but I don't want to bother them. For shoova and LaRue I couldn't think of anything to say. ^__^;; *shrug* Anyway the address is http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Crimson_cat. Have fun!

6/28/05
Well I finally got up to it and fixed the page for summer. The music playing is "Open up your mind" from Gensomaden Saiyuki. I found out that no mater what way I turn it I can't be in choir at the highschool next year. So I'm taking creative writting instead. *Sigh* I hope it works out. So I've finally watched all of the anime Hellsing and I'm working on the manga. I also watched Some Saiyuki reload and the movie Gunlock. I got a kickass Naruto sand ninja headband at the Ceveland Collsacon. *celebrates* I joined a whole bunch more fanlistings and such. I think my "My mind's made up" fanfic is going to end soon but I'm not sure. Ne.. I got my hair dyed purple and cut short. Instead of being midback lenght it's now bottom of my neck length. I like it. Nyo.. Anyway see ya guys around.