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3 hours and 2 minutes to go... Wednesday, November 5, 2003 at 08:58 p.m.
AAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
The Home Stretch: 4 Days Left! Sunday, November 2, 2003 at 09:52 a.m.
In four short days, my twenties will be over. How do I feel about this, you ask? Well, I guess I'm alright. I'm not one who believes that it's all downhill from here - ask me again when I am approaching 50 and I will probably have a different answer for you.
A lot has happened this week. I've witnessed firsthand the "circle of life" that people speak of. My grandfather passed away on Monday, October 27th and on Wednesday, October 29th, my older sister had an 8lb 11oz baby girl who is absolutely gorgeous! On Thursday, I went down for the funeral and was fortunate enough to be able to meet my new niece at 1-day old. This is huge for me because I didn't meet her big sister until she was 8 (long story).
While that was a joyous occasion, the funeral was not. It was a nice ceremony - they gave him a military send off and even had a real bugle playing Taps. I didn't think I was going to be emotional until I saw my grandfather in that coffin. It didn't even look like him - he was gray (my grandfather always had jet black hair, even in his 80s) and very gaunt. Once the funeral was over it took me awhile to compose myself. My mom was even worse.
But something good did come out of it. My grandfather's older sister, younger sister and younger brother came from around the country to be there. Many of my cousins were there and almost all of my aunts and uncles. We went to dinner afterwards and had a great time catching up.
Lately, I find myself a greater optimist than normal. I think this is proof that there is definitely a silver lining in every dark cloud. A bit of wisdom I will carry with me into my 30s and beyond.
Hmmm - a gap Sunday, October 26, 2003 at 03:48 p.m.
I just went back and checked and it appears that I lost an entry. If you didn't read the missing entry you wouldn't know what my last entry was in regards to - ugh! Anyhow, to fill you in, my husband was offered a position on the west coast of Florida and accepted - so we're moving! I can't think of what else was in there but that's the big stuff.
Less than 2 weeks to go! Sunday, October 26, 2003 at 03:41 p.m.
My how time flies! Seems like a million years have passed since I first created this journal - but that's due mainly to all of the major changes I'm getting ready to go through...and not just turning 30. We bought a new home which will be ready to move into in December (if we are lucky), so now we have to sell our house, have a garage sale, and pack. Not only that, but as well, I may have to find a new job. As of right now, I'm working with my boss on a proposal that would allow me to telecommute. Not sure if it will fly with the decision-makers, but please, keep your fingers crossed!
My husband and I also starting trying to start a family again. I've had all kinds of problems in the past and have scar tissue on my fallopian tubes so this could take awhile. All I know is that I've never been more ready to do this.
That's my life in a nutshell at this point. There is so much to do that there is barely time to breathe, let alone add an entry to this site. But I will do my best!
36 days to go! Wednesday, October 1, 2003 at 09:27 p.m.
Okay, I've just experienced my first ice cream bender of my life and am feeling pretty "whalish" right now. Why did I do it? Why did I eat almost a whole pint of cookie dough ice cream? I cannot answer that question - could be hormones (it's "that time") or could be the "Last Supper Syndrome" as I am currently reading Dr. Phil's new book on weight loss. Not sure. All I know is that tomorrow I get back on the wagon! Swear it!
In other news, all is good on the homefront. My husband got his first paycheck for his new job - quite impressive! So we are now back to living a normal lifestyle. Thing is, he's still kind of looking for something else. This is a good paying job and all, but not exactly what he was hoping for. He's been interviewing like a madman - in fact, he had 3 interviews already this week and has one more on Friday! This is beyond amazing to me because I am a career counselor and most of my students are lucky if they get one job interview in a month's time!
Let's see...what else has been going on since my writer's block began??? Um, well - the good news is that my complexion is FINALLY clearing up again after a crazy hormonal outbreak. Funny thing is that I was getting facials, microdermabrasion treatments, chemical peels, and even saw a dermatologist - but what finally cleared my face up was going back to using Estee Lauder Idealist and Idealist Micro-D. They aren't even meant to treat acne, but my skin is looking 1000% better. Who'd a thunk it???
Anyhow, that's about all for now. Off to bed I go!
47 days to go... Saturday, September 13, 2003 at 11:05 a.m.
Things have finally gotten better! Hallelujah! My husband was offered a position on Thursday evening and accepted. There is a chance we might not have to move and the salary is at least $20K more than he was making before!
I have mixed feelings about the moving thing. I don't know why - I just feel like I'm ready for a change. I enjoy my job and even better - I'm very happy with the salary and the job title, but something deep inside me says it's time to get out. My boss has told me that she will not stay there if I leave - which makes me stop and think. It's like, "Wow, when will I ever have a boss who loves me so much that she wouldn't want to work there without me?" Most people hate their bosses and here mine is my best friend! How lucky can you get? And that is why I'm mixed. On one hand I couldn't get any better than what I have, and on the other, I'm burnt out.
I am a firm believer that fate will play out and if we're meant to move away, we will. If not, I'll survive. It's not like I'm miserable or anything like that. I'm just happy that things are looking better for us. It was touch and go for awhile there - he was starting to get depressed and lose faith. Thank God this looks like it's working out!!!
55 days to go... Friday, September 5, 2003 at 02:50 p.m.
I'm home sick today and feel like crap. I don't know what I ate to make me feel so bad but I've had a stomach ache and nausea since about 2am this morning. Then again, maybe it wasn't something I ate...maybe it was anxiety.
Yesterday was the first time I've been upset since my husband lost his job. Not because of that, but because I found out that if I transfer to another state university in Florida, I can only bring 9 credit hours with me, meaning I will lose 9, including the class I'm taking now. I checked to see if it was too late to withdrawal from this class and they said I could petition to get 25% back, but that was it. What's more important to me at this point...time or money? It used to be time, but these days, it's $$$.
Last night we had a rep from Buy Owner come to visit us and talk with us about putting our house up for sale. We're probably going to do it next week, considering that the positions he's applying for are ALL out of the area. The good news was that we are able to list our house for over $75K more than we paid for it 3.5 years ago. Amazing!
My husband is interviewing in Atlanta today for a position in Tallahassee. Mind you, that is not my favorite place in the world, considering I am a Gator, however there are some good things about the place...like that there are rolling hills there so you can have basements (also good for long rigorous walks), the houses are reasonably priced and there are lots of houses made of brick that have large yards, the temperature is milder in the Spring and Fall (however colder in the Winter and hot in the Summer), and one of my best gal pals lives there. I think we could suck it up for awhile and then seek a transfer to another location.
I can't believe though that we still have no idea what's going on. The two interviews he had last week have not yet yielded an offer - he does have another interview next week for a position in Orlando...I know that what is meant to be will be. I'm just trying to remain supportive and patient. It's no wonder my stomach is a mess!!!
59 days and counting... Monday, September 1, 2003 at 04:23 p.m.
Well yesterday another one bit the dust...or something like that. My friend, Cory turns 30 next week and yesterday, had a big party to celebrate it. I had a great time - the best part was spending time with some of my old girlfriends from high school and their families.
It's crazy to think that I've been friends with these girls for 14 years, or that this is the year we all turn 30. I am the youngest of them all - however this is not much consolation considering that I've seen them all go through it and some take it better than others.
In high school, we were the shit. There were 8-10 of us in our group. I'd say we were popular, and I suppose we were, however there were enough girls that hated us to make me think that popular might not be the right word, as popular by definition implies one is well-liked by many people.
Somehow in high school, I was the one in my clique who experienced the brunt of the dislike...I don't know if it was because I was the new girl or because I was the most outspoken and loyal...I've never quite figured that out. I look back and get an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach thinking back to some of the hell that some girls put me through (calling the cops on a party I had, keying my car, writing horrible things about me in the Senior Will, pitting my friends against me, etc.), however I think it helped make me who I am today. I've made peace with most of these girls - and I think my best revenge was getting a standing ovation at my 10-year high school reunion. The great thing was that even some of the girls who once hated me stood up as well.
I don't know why I'm rambling on about this except that it's hard to imagine that so much time has passed and 30 is right around the corner. I am grateful that, unlike many people, I've stayed close with my friends from my high school days - they remind me of who I was and who I have become.
68 days to go Saturday, August 23, 2003 at 07:52 a.m.
Well, this has been a week of ups and downs. My husband interviewed for two jobs this week - and found out he didn't get either one. The first company they are still very interested in him but want to consider him for positions in Florida...so we can't rule them out yet. The second company said he seemed like he was "angry at the industry" - that is ridiculous! When he finished that interview, the HR guy said, "I'm going to let you know how you did." According to this guy my husband aced the interview. I don't know...that's just weird.
But we're pressing on. He interviews with two companies this coming week and a third company thinks he's so perfect for the job that they are going to present him with an offer before they even interview him! We'd have to move a little farther North than we were hoping, but right now, we're not ruling anything out.
As for me and my health, I've been pretty good - some days are better than others. This week it was mostly good days, so my guilt is minimal.
75 days and counting... Saturday, August 16, 2003 at 10:56 a.m.
I've not been posting entries as often as I said I would - but I'm here now so that's a start! Things are looking better for my husband and I. Next week, he has 2 interviews lined up (one for a job in Tampa and one for a job in Augusta, GA) and 1 the following week (for a job in Jacksonville). He's also got a lead for a position in Arlington, VA that he will most likely get an interview for soon.
We've talked about it at length and have decided that we'd be happy in any of these places. Of course we'd prefer to stay in Florida but we'll play it by ear until the offers start rolling in. One thing we're considering is the fact that I might not be able to find a good paying job in Augusta, which makes Tampa and Jax more attractive - however my husband did make the comment that if that were the case, we could start having children and I could stay home (which I would love) or I could maybe open up my own business (which I would also love). Regardless, I will probably stay here until December for several reasons...one, I just got a promotion at work; two, I promised my boss I wouldn't abandon her during the busiest months of the year; three, I would be able to take one more class towards my MA degree; and four, it would give me more time to try and find a decent paying job (which is sometimes hard in my field).
I love change, so this isn't all that traumatic. It's actually kind of exciting to think that soon we will be starting a new life somewhere! As long as that "somewhere" isn't in the midwest (been there, done that, hated it) or northeast (too cold) I'll be good to go.
Misbehavin' Wednesday, August 13, 2003 at 08:54 p.m.
I've been misbehavin' lately - not eating right and not exercising. It's just been in the last 3 days - but it's gotta stop. Even if we aren't trying to get pregnant now, we could be 3 months from now so I do still need to take care of myself.
81 days to go... Sunday, August 10, 2003 at 10:29 a.m.
While still trying to cope with the reality of my husband losing his job, I can at least say that I have been taking good care of myself. I've been very conscious about what I eat and have been getting in more exercise than usual. I'm one of those people who is addicted to change - I love new adventures - so that's how I'm viewing this whole thing. Thing is, we could end up staying here or, more likely, we could end up moving away. Either way is good to me. He's been searching for jobs in all of Florida (except the Panhandle), Asheville, NC, Charleston, SC, & Savannah, GA. All are places I'd love to live! It's only been a few days...but I hope the interviews start rolling in soon. Prayers, please?!?
What a difference a day makes Thursday, August 7, 2003 at 02:14 p.m.
Things have changed.
My husband lost his job yesterday so babies are out of the question right now (unless I got pregnant on the first try - but I doubt it...but won't know for sure until the end of the month). I know that he will find something relatively quickly - he has amazing experience: an engineering degree, 4 years as a military officer, and 3+ years of sales experience. If I know him, he'll have something lined up before the month is over.
But what if I'm wrong? We'll ultimately be okay. We do have a cushion to fall back on if necessary, however for now we have to conserve...no more nail appointments, no more shopping, no more eating out. For the time being, we are not DINKS - we are SINKS (and hopefully the abbreviation is not literal).
Weight lost to date: 2.5 pounds
Healthiest item consumed today: Strawberries
Least healthiest item consumed today: Pasta
88 days to go... Sunday, August 3, 2003 at 08:43 p.m.
I had a few days there that were touch and go - and I've come to the realization that it is extremely challenging to maintain healthy habits when traveling. Today I had to start from scratch - but I am ready to get back on the horse (or wagon, whichever term you prefer to use) and try again.
Today, I ate very healthy and my husband and I joined the YMCA (finally). We worked out and then went shopping at Super Target for healthy food...he is feeling as bad about his health as I am - so we're going to motivate each other. What more could I ask for?
In other very important news, we've begun to try and conceive. He seems to think it will happen this month, however I have a feeling it will take longer. Who will be right? Only time will tell. I'll keep you posted though!
What day are we on?!? Tuesday, July 29, 2003 at 11:30 p.m.
Well, I'm on Day 2 of my new lease on health and am feeling very proud of myself. I ate very good all day yesterday and today and plan to continue on this route. The funny thing is that when I am tempted to eat something non-healthy, I now say to myself, "Do you want to get pregnant and be unhealthy?" And the answer is no. This is more important to me than potato chips or cookies.
Big thanks to Michele for suggesting I try honey mustard instead of mayo on sandwiches - you have no idea how many calories and fat grams you are saving me! :)
Weight lost to date: 1 pound
Healthiest item consumed today: Zoe Flax Granola Cereal in Apple Cinnamon
Least healthiest item consumed today: Tarter sauce (just a smidge)
94 Days to Go Monday, July 28, 2003 at 07:05 p.m.
I am a loser, but only partially so. I didn't "hit the gym" on Saturday, but I had a very good reason - I didn't want to purchase a month-long membership if I am going to be out of town most of this week. Excuses, I know.
I did work out yesterday - I did 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer and every 5 minutes, I'd get off and do some sort of conditioning exercise (crunches, push-ups, etc.). Then today, I did "yogalates" for an hour.
I am bloated and all that good stuff, so I don't know what I was thinking by stepping on the scale today. According to it, I've gained 10 pounds since February. 10 pounds! It came out of nowhere, I swear!
No, honestly, I know EXACTLY where it came from...a combination of eating crap and not exercising. But, that's it - that's my limit. I refuse to weigh more than 127 ever again (unless I'm pregnant).
Speaking of pregnant, my husband and I have decided to forge ahead with trying to start a family. Woo hoo! But here's the pact I'm making with myself...if I am going to be responsible for the health of another life, I have GOT to develop healthier habits. This isn't about vanity anymore. It can't be.
96 days to go... Saturday, July 26, 2003 at 11:13 a.m.
While I wasn't able to work out Thursday and I got my "monthly visitor" yesterday, I am definitely working out today. In fact, I am going to go join the YMCA for a month - at least, in order to get motivated. We have a Bowflex and an elliptical trainer at home, but it is SO HARD to get motivated in an environment where you are reminded of all of the things you could be doing instead. In fact, as soon as I get off the computer, I will get ready to hit the gym.
I'm losing track Thursday, July 24, 2003 at 05:19 p.m.
What day are we at? 98, I think. Something like that! Whatever!
Well, I had accupuncture for the first time today. Wow - what an experience! The accupuncture didn't hurt a bit - what did hurt (like hell I might add) was the accupressure. However, I left there feeling much better (albeit sore) and really believe this is going to make a difference. I go back on Tuesday and I am looking forward to (most of) it. In other news, it has cut my appetite down to next to nothing. There really is a God!
100 days and counting... Tuesday, July 22, 2003 at 09:54 p.m.
Well, I experienced yet another day lacking willpower to resist the cookies that called my name, however, I did make up for it. After training today, I went over to the Celebration Health Center and worked out, doing cardio (10 minutes of warm-up and 5 minutes of cool-down) and weight training (legs, abs, shoulders, lats). The facility was gorgeous - well worth the $10/day fee. After, I really wasn't all that hungry so I went to the movies and ate a plain soft pretzel...that was my dinner. Not the healthiest of choices, I can assure you, however better than nothing. The good news is that tomorrow night I will be back home...I can hardly wait! I talked my husband into joining back at the YMCA for a month to jump-start our fitness routines. We are starting back on Thursday...yay!
101 days to go... Monday, July 21, 2003 at 10:03 p.m.
Can I say how damn hard it is to eat right when you are away from home?!? I have to give myself SOME credit though, so I will. I'm here in lovely Celebration, FL on business and today I ALMOST did pretty well...all was great with the exception of a few Double Stuff Oreos during the afternoon break. I did, however, make up for it by working out (a little) in the evening. I must say though, I am SO DAMN OUT OF SHAPE! 5 minutes on the recumbent bike and I was DYING! I think it's time to join back at the YMCA. I need the support. Other than that, all is well.
My goal for tomorrow: resist the chocolate and creme yummies in all of their evil splendor.
102 days to go... Sunday, July 20, 2003 at 08:35 p.m.
Babysitting was a BREEZE last night! Those kids were (near) angels, I swear. The little girl, Zoe, is about 15 months old and hardly uttered a sound the whole evening. She walked right up to us and sat on our laps, and was just the sweetest thing in the world! The boy, Senne, who is almost 4, was a doll too, however a lot more energetic than his baby sister. We had a great time with them - I was just thanking the heavens that it was a positive experience or it could be another 3 years before my husband might consider parenthood again.
Today is Sunday and as such, I've been a lazy piece of you-know-what. I did, however, do some yoga this morning, but other than that, I've sat on my ass all day - at the beach or on the compter. Tomorrow I am off on a business trip for three days at a hotel with a lot of nice amenities including a fitness center, sauna, pool, etc. I am striving to use this time so close to such luxuries wisely. This, "the diet will start tomorrow" crap has got to stop! But really, it WILL start tomorrow - I promise!
103 days to go.. Saturday, July 19, 2003 at 04:42 p.m.
Tonight, my husband and I are babysitting our next door neighbor's kids while they go out to dinner. One is 4, I think, and the other is maybe a year at the most. This is considered a "practice session" for us to see if we're REALLY ready for parenting. The good news is that the 4-year old LOVES my husband...so hopefully there will be no tantrums.
In other news, I went to the grocery store today and bought a ton of fruits and veggies - and actually took the time (for once) to cut everything up and measure out into baggies. My goal for this week is to ensure that no baggie goes uneaten to get thrown away when it goes bad. I've been reading up a lot on estrogen dominance and one thing the information mentions is that eating fruits and veggies (and reducing refined sugar consumption) can help to balance the estrogen/progesterone levels out. This is good - now my motivation isn't just about being thinner...it's about being healthier (in mind, body, and spirit).
PS: I've also gone a whole 2 days without buying anything unnecessary...that's saying A LOT!
Day 104, Part II Friday, July 18, 2003 at 04:22 p.m.
This morning, while still suffering from my "blonde moment," I went to the doctor for my 6-month check-up. Here's what I learned:
I really should start having children within the next 5 years because after 35, complications arise
I have a hormone imbalance which is causing adult-onset acne (as if wrinkles weren't stressful enough to consider), fatigue, cloudy mindedness (hence the blonde moment), and difficulty losing weight...how can I make it go away?!? I can't - it has to go away on it's own. Reducing stress helps though - so I guess I need more yoga
Since years and years of chiropractic isn't giving long term relief for my neck and shoulders, he referred me to see an accupuncturist...I've been wanting to try it for months but didn't think it was on our insurance. Turns out it is - woo hoo!
My scale at home is as accurate as the one in the doctor's office - I weighed myself before going just to be sure.
104 days to go...and I'm a retard Friday, July 18, 2003 at 11:24 a.m.
Okay, can I just say how awful I feel this morning?!? Awful, I tell you! Why?!? Because I pulled a stupid last night. Promise you won't laugh?
I accidentally took two thermogenic pills last night before bed thinking they were vitamins. Yeah, I know what you're thinking...'how could you have "accidentally" taken them?' Well, I had them in a little Dixie cup that I keep all of my vitamins in - and forgot they were there. Before bed last night, I'm taking all of my vitamins (and mind you, I take a lot) and there you have it. I woke up at 3am with the worst stomachache in the world - so bad that I was nearly crying.
So now, it's 11:28am and I still haven't slept. I didn't realize until around 8:00 this morning what I had done. Duh! No wonder I couldn't sleep! Anyhow, hopefully I'll be able to get some sleep today - at least I have the day off.
105 days and counting, part II Thursday, July 17, 2003 at 04:49 p.m.
I am always so bad at keeping New Year's Resolutions (who isn't?!?), so I'm thinking I shouldn't put all of that pressure on myself to behave for a WHOLE YEAR. I mean, REALLY! That's a long time! Nobody should be expected to behave for that long! So, without further adieu, here are my July/August Resolutions:
- Be nicer to myself...my head is always full of negative self-talk. I resolve to catch myself and turn whatever I am thinking into a positive affirmation
- Tame the shopping beast...if I can go 45 days without buying anything I don't NEED, I'll be working a miracle
- Do more yoga...at least 2x a week if not more
- Make healthier food choices...specifically, decrease carb intake and increase lean protein and fiber intake; reduce sweets
- Work my ass (and other body parts)...I have an elliptical machine that's becoming a piece of furniture - and an ugly piece at that; I resolve to give that thing a purpose to exist
- Weight train...because cardio training isn't enough
I think that's enough for now. Let's not get TOO overzealous!
105 days and counting... Thursday, July 17, 2003 at 01:39 p.m.
I had the crazy idea to document my trials and tribulations of dealing with getting older. It all started this morning when I found myself staring in the mirror, searching for wrinkles or anything else that would prove I look like a woman approaching 30 looked in my mind when I was younger. Okay - well, I don't *think* I look 30...for now. But in good time I inevitably will.
Don't get me wrong - I'm actually looking forward to my 30s. What put me in a tailspin this morning was picturing how I looked when I was 21, when I first met my husband. I used to LOVE my ass - I'd constantly check it out in the mirror, that's how much I loved it. Now, I hide it every chance I get. I want my 21-year old ass back - that is my drive and motivation for this blog.
So, here's the deal - I am going to (do my best to) document my life up until I turn the big 3-0. And who knows...maybe even longer after that.
Only time will tell...
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