sunbeams and moonshine Wednesday, 4.28.04 :: 09:24 p.m. "How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!" - from Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope "the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars, and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes, 'AWWWWW!'" - Jack Kerouac Sitting in study hall, in the usual corner, we talked about kidnapping, faked kidnapping, depression, suicide and death. Have you noticed how all of those words have d's in them? The thumping sound of your heart beating through a cotton t-shirt, D D. D. D. DD. No one spoke for -------- Then a long ---- Measuring out -- One endless heartbeat, we were too absorbed in either our thoughts or the magnificent shade of brown of the plastic-wood table to speak. Sunlight crept into the dark recesses of my mind, chasing away the deep Plutonian shadows, and flowed and kept flowing and bubbled up, overflowing, from somewhere way down deep, as deep as the sky. And I covered my mouth, because it seemed like a horrible time to laugh, to break that silence, but it was fruitless. (And damn, I can go without my 5 servings, fresh, daily) But not without that. That wasn't funny, at all. I don't know what was, exactly, but it wasn't that. Children shouldn't play with death or its cousins. And we should talk about that more often, if only to laugh afterwards. Because, we can. And they can't.

can-can! Tuesday, 4.27.04 :: 09:38 p.m. Phone rings, I pick up: [Cue loud, fuzzy musc] "WOOOOOOOOO!!! HI LINDSAY! WE'RE AT THE MAROON 5 CONCERT!!!" "I LOVE YOU!" "HIIII LINDSAY!" :D Wish I were there, but I'll hear happy stories from Tayn. At least, I'd better!

now what have you learned Tuesday, 4.27.04 :: 09:28 p.m. That Murphy's Law applies to concerts, too. That being a lawyer would be difficult. But probably not quite as difficult as that stupid debate was. That Señora would rather I come in and puke all over her than miss class. That writing without using "to be" is irritating. That we really need to get our printer up here. Like, now. That The Sphere is a horrible, horrible book. Don't read it. That when I graduate, I'm going to laugh and cry simultaneously, because I'll know that I made it.

list list list Monday, 4.26.04 :: 10:29 p.m. For my own sanity: -English paper due tomorrow -Graded precalc hwk due tomorrow -Study for physics quiz tomorrow -Sketchbook due tomorrow -Sign up for SAT in June -Study for SAT II Writing and AP English exam, both of which are coming up VERY SOON. -Get un-sick. I come back, and dig myself into a hole. Hmm, lovely. :) Happiness: -Maroon 5 < 24 hours. -Joe here: 4 days. DTown Invitational: 4 days. -YS Relays: 12 days. -My bday: 20 days. -Prom: 26 days. -45 days till NO MORE SCHOOL!!!

clandestine pork Monday, 4.26.04 :: 12:00 a.m. The first star I see may not be a star We can't do a thing but wait so let's wait For one more And the time's such clumsy time Deciding if it's time I'm careful but not sure how it goes You can lose yourself in your courage When? The time we had no ends When? The big hand goes round again Can you still feel the butterflies? Can you still hear the last goodnight? And the mother's comfort grows When I'm alone with my big plans And this is what she said gets her fluid If I don't let myself be happy now then when? If not now when? The time we had no ends And when the big hand goes round again Can you still feel the butterflies? Can you still hear the last goodnight? I close my eyes and believe That whever you are, Angel For when the time we had no ends And when the big hand goes round again Can you still feel the butterflies? Can you still hear the last goodnight? - Jimmy Eat World; For Me This Is Heaven Good music, a clean (and finally totally unpacked) room, a rainy night... and it's Monday again? One of these days I'm going to get all of my work down the night before and go for a run in the early morning. Then I'll sit around and eat a bagel and drink some oj. Then maybe think about taking a shower and going to school. One day. Perhaps that day I'll also be uninjured, not sick, and awake? What a day it'll be. Wish I could've gone to the March for Women's Lives. I'm so glad people are protesting Bush's abortion legislature.

and one for your dog, WINK Sunday, 4.25.04 :: 01:09 a.m. Firstly, as a matter of the gravest importance, I feel that I must call everyone's attentions to the latest and greatest in today's technology. I was originally alerted to these fantabulous little mechanisms of marvel through Neil Gaiman's journal, and couldn't stop laughing... so I pass the glee onto you! The army one is SO ghetto, I want it! (And a laptop.) I've had more fun in the last, say, 40 hours than I had all week. Wonderful weather on Friday made for a nice track practice, during which I actually ran, not jogged, on the track. The rest of the team did 8 200's then 2 straights and curves, so I did an 800 warm-up, 4 400 accelerations and a mile cool-down. A few twinges, but I was taking it pretty easy. Hope fully the weekend off will help and I'll be able to run again soon. After practice, it was over to the practice football field to find Alex so we could hunt down a few other people to play Ultimate. That, however, took a while. With the help of Cory, we grabbed a few tennis people as they were finishing practice, found Sean watching the baseball game, and were joined by Kamal. Four on four; tennis people vs. runners. I'm not sure what the score was in the end, but there were some pretty nice points and saves; Matt Whittaker deciding to slide tackle me as I was catching the frisbee, Matt Shapiro's crazy leap to make a point, Michael Su's unsuccessul dive... Fun stuff. Unfortunately, people had to leave, and a thunderstorm decided to roll in at about 6:30. If it weren't for the lightning, I'm sure the remaning four of us would've been playing in the rain for a while ;) Who wants to play again this week? Got a ride home from Matt S. (thanks!),took a shower and ate some cereal before heading back out to YS for the Spring Fling. Now, if you know anything about Suburban, you know that the dances can be... sub-par. This one set a new precedent, let me tell you. It was supposed to be held outside in the science courtyard, but since that thunderstorm definitely dumped a minor flood on us, the dance was moved into the home ec. hallway. Lame, right? Not! It was like this little club: there were mostly juniors, and a few seniors and sophomores squished into this narrow hallway, and everyone was actually dancing! That in itself was amazing. It was one of my better Friday nights. Today was a day of sleep. Then food. Then more sleep. Then a shower, and driving randomly around trying to figure out York. Yeah, I don't know how to get around... but I'm workin' on it. I seriously need to look at a map or something. Anyway, eventually headed out to Resevoir, where I tried very hard not to look at this 50-something couple making out in their pick-up truck, walked around, and drew a bunch of trees. Trees are the most intimidating thing to draw, in my opinion. Therefore, I will draw as many of them as possible in an attempt to become unafraid of them! Seemed to work for hands, feet and people, so why not trees? Oh, got a new (bigger) sketchbook at Michael's, too. Heart it. Do not heart spending $20 on it, as that is all the money I have for now. Donations accepted. I'll even draw you a tree! Not really looking forward to the history debate. After Monday (and that English paper), though, I'll be all smiles - Tuesday night is the Maroon 5 concert (after a meet against West York), Wednesday I may be conveniently sick, and Friday is the D-Town Invitational and the Return of Joe! The following Saturday and Monday we will not discuss, since that would require usage of the words "standardized" and "test." So that's a nice ramble for now, I think. I'd really like to try those new Hershey's kisses. And this shirt is cool.

TGIF, mate Friday, 4.23.04 :: 07:10 a.m. Dos cosas. Primero, almuerzo ayer fue awesome. That plus the nice weather really brought me out of a bad mood that was caused by Mr. Peace. Segundo, I wish I could exist on like 3 hours of sleep, because then I could get so much more done. Alas...

dont wait for answers, just take your chances Wednesday, 4.21.04 :: 06:23 p.m. Currently waiting for Jon, Aunt Kathy, and Uncle Paul to get here, so we can all head out to Olive Garden to do some serious damage to their food-stores. In the meantime I think I'll discuss the merits of art. Not art as in "Ohhh, pretty picture! Let's analyze it!" or "Wow, I wish I could draw/paint/scupt/whatever like that!" but art in the sense of learning enough about something to be able to put it down on paper in such a way that it takes on the perfect shade of meaning for yourself. That's what I love about it. There aren't any outside infuences - it's just you and your subject. No one can tell you how to look at it, how to interpret the different angles, how to depict light... it's all you. While I'm drawing or painting, I go into this zone where I have tunnel vision and the rest of the world drops away. Time runs away and when it's all gone you have to stop. Once I have something down on paper or a canvas, it almost loses all of it's meaning to me. The value is in the process, truly. What do you think of when you look at someone's art in a museum or an art show? Personally, I try to imagine that person creating their art - what were they thinking? where were they? who was around them? what happened to them before and after they made the particular piece of art? It's the world that's interesting, not little scraps of paper or canvas. On a tangent, the same thing goes for books. In my opinion, we spend way too much time analyzing and critiquing works of literature. Sure, read it once or twice and think about it. Maybe talk to others about it, but don't pick it to pieces instead of going out and... living. You hear about all of these Pulitzer prize winning authors who write from both experience and school, but mostly from experience - they had to drop out of school early to support their families or some such. They turned out just fine, didn't they? Then again, I suppose people like T.S. Eliot turned out fine, too, and wrote some amazing poems and stories, but then you think about how much time he spent writing them, and how much time you spend trying to figure them out, and it all seems a little pointless. I don't know, this is probably just me rebelling against school. I'd much rather be outside playing in the sun all day, or drawing, or, ironically, reading. Hrm. To finish the tangent, how about that military draft bill? I had absolutely no idea they were preparing for that. I don't know why, we definitely should have seen this coming, but wow. It was interesting seeing people's reactions in Triggs' class this afternoon: "We are NOT a spoiled generation!" "YES WE ARE." Lol. How do all of you guys feel about this? I did a search on it and found these articles that I though were interesting: Agency Initiates Steps for Selective Draft US Preparing for Military Draft in Spring 2005 Hollings Sponsers Bill to Reinstate Military Draft

beware pickpockets and loose women Tuesday, 4.20.04 :: 12:02 a.m. Oh wow, it's been a day of bagels and sunshine. Got up super early (oh wait, no I didn't, HAH) to finish that stupid history paper on drug testing in schools. The only reason it took me longer than half an hour to research and write it was that I spent like 45 minutes trying to decide whether I agreed with it or not. And I still don't know. The concensus at the lunch table was that we're always scared that we don't know all of the facts, and that therefore we're scared to take a stance. We're perfectionists, bottom line. Wish I didn't feel like I have to prove myself to everyone. It's getting old and tiring switching schools and trying to re-establish myself. At least now I know that I at least have senior year here, before leaving for college. At least I have practice dealing with new people, right? Along the same line of thought, is it bad that I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life? Seems like everyone has these clear-cut goals and such; makes it seem like I'm at a huge disadvantage when it comes to making choices now that will affect me later. You may be wrong but you may be right My to-do list is a page and a half long. I love this "living" thing, it's quite nice so far. Picnic at Resevoir sometime this week? If it doesn't rain... Track meet at Eastern tomorrow today. I'm running the 4x8 and possibly the open 4, depending on my hamstring. It's uber tight, mrh. Today we ran against Northeastern, and beat them. I love when these teams don't have 4x8 teams, it's so much fun racing, but not really. In this weather we just cruised... and were lapped a few times. Woot! All you life you had to stand in line Still you're standing on your feet All your choices made you change your mind Now your calender's complete Don't wait for answers Just take your chances Don't ask me why Mrs. O is ruining Catcher for me. Why do I think that almost any female English teacher would ruin it? Strange... a cosmic mystery? Heh. You know it's almost summer when you can sense every inch of your skin, and it feels like you're still basking in the sun. Even after midnight. A modern day of bagels and sunshine, folks.

good morning aztlan Monday, 4.19.04 :: 12:18 a.m. As I sit here typing up my silly history paper on drug testing in schools, I'm wondering what the world will be like in 50 years or so. 50 years ago there was no way that school would perform drug tests on their students. Then again, teachers were allowed to hit their students... hmm. Now I want to re-read 1984 and Brave New World. Oh yeah sweet mystery Strung together along a wire But then it breaks -- why I don't know What is there to do When this thing has done gone blue

oh happy day! Thursday, 4.15.04 :: 06:32 p.m. I WANT TO RUN. Why oh why did I pull that stupid hamstring? WHY??! It's the most frustrating thing in the world to not be able to participate in half of the workouts. I'd just run through the pain, if I knew it wouldn't re-injure the muscle. But it would, so FAH! Why isn't this like my knees, where I can just ignore it and know that nothing will get worse? (Ack, cross your fingers for me on that one... lol) Both field hockey and track have been annoying seasons this year, since I've been injured for both. I re-emphasize: GRRRR! But it's very nice outside! Like this: Well, maybe not quite like that, but much better than this: You get the idea. Now I have to clean and finish up some work... then maybe Gabe's later? It's in my front yard now, heh. Alex and Matt: 1) That song is horrible! 2) Go white boyz, it's yo birfday... 3) Were those kids beating up that poor little kid?

starry, rainy night Tuesday, 4.13.04 :: 09:40 p.m. Check out the Non-Sequitur for today. The Irony Age, how ironic! Just got back from a trip to Giant on my mission to find Joe his beloved, yet sadly out of stock Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs. I tried, but alas, was too late. Perhaps buying them before Easter would be a good idea? Heh. Stopped on that huge hill in back of the HS (Greenhill? I don't know street names...) just to look at the city in the rain and fog. Amazing... I love that view. And hills that make views like that possible. I don't think I could ever stand to live, by choice, in a flat place. So monontonous. We need reminders that we don't have to just crawl over the earth day in and day out, we can fly... Point looked sideways, trying to find the source of the squelch. It was Counterpoint, lying on his back in a puddle, tongue lolling. "It's death by falling raindrop, and he's been shot down." Point continued on, sliding sideways through the water.

stolen from the MD Matt... Monday, 4.12.04 :: 09:34 p.m. Because I'm bored and my movie isn't on...: 1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 17, find line 4. write down what it says: the cliffs. It is breaking everywhere. The sea has not only cut 2. Stretch your arms out as far as you can. what do you touch first? A wall on the right, a box on the left. Ironical, ain't it? 3. What is the last thing you watched on tv? Good Morning America, this morning. 4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 9:35 5. Now look at the clock, what's the actual time? 9:40 6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? The wind and the rain. Oh yeah, and the washing machine. 7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? I dashed in here, out of the rain, after coming home from Stevi B's. 8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at? An IM from Nate 9. What are you wearing? Ooh, kinky... Hehe, nah. Houndstooth pants, yellow polo, jean jacket. 10. Did you dream last night? Yes, but now I can't remember it. 11. George bush: is he a power-crazy nut case or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years? I'm glad he's saying what he thinks needs to be done, and doing it. I'm glad he was our President during 9-11, but there are definitely some thing that I totally disagree with him about... but I'm sure I'd disagree with any president about some things. Can you tell I'm skirting this question? 12. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Deirdre or Mackenzie, or anything else that's interesting :) 13. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? I really don't know. Hmm... 14. Would you consider living abroad? Yes. Yes. 15. When did you last laugh? About an hour and a half ago. At Matt. :) 16. What is on the walls of the room you are in? A mirror with pictures in it, my parrot mobile from Julia, the bulletin board that I painted, a DMB poster, and a RotK poster that Joe gave me for Christmas. 17. Seen anything weird lately? Are llamas and buffalo in PA weird? 18. What do you think about this quiz? Keeps me from studying English... 19. What is the last film you saw? Finding Nemo, with Tayn 20. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? A huge farm for Mom, then a car for me, and plane tickets to New Zealand and Scotland 21. Tell us something about you that we don't know. Wow, um, I was born bald? 22. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Equality. 23. Do you like to dance? YES. Anywhere, anytime. ;) < /time wasting >

why not close the window? Monday, 4.12.04 :: 09:01 p.m. I have a band-aid on my finger from when I cut it with that stupid butcher knife. Not a good idea, because a) it hurts and b) it makes it very difficult to type. I shall persevere. So, where to begin? I could start by saying that I wish I had nail polish right now. Bright blue or lime green or barbie pink or something. Anything to combat this insanely dreary weather that's seemed to have moved in permanently. Track practice was interesting in this weather - I think I was probably running around with around 10 pounds of water-weight on my back, I was that soaked. If someone had poked me I would've squirted them in the eye. You don't want to hear about that though, do you? Well, how about I talk about Easter? Or make a list of memorable stuff, since that's proven to be much easier and less time-consuming for me: - Zoning out in the car on the way up, for about 5 solid minutes. - Rice's and lots and lots of bags (!!!) - Tayn's amazing 30 second purchase that totally made my day. - "Doing homework" while everyone else was asleep. How'd that work, anyway? We should've been sleeping, too! - Peddler's Village and awesome quotes, earrings, and candy. - Carousel. - Waking up late Easter morning and finding eggs (hehehe...) - I'm going to marry a plant, or a chair. But probably the plant. (I don't remember half of that conversation, but I remember that it was a good one.) - Major detour on the way home, and llamas and buffalo. Whoa. I actually have a lot more that I could write about, but I'm kind of sick of sitting in front of the computer. I have homework to do, tests to study for (both standerdized and not), boxes to unpack, and movies to watch. I mean, what?

let it wash away my sanity Wednesday, 4.7.04 :: 09:08 p.m. My day has been gorgeous, how about yours? I'll begin at the most logical place to begin - the end. I just got back from Weis/K-Mart and I have a bag full of notebooks and random goodies to show for it. At Bennett we never really took notes in any classes, so I didn't really keep notebooks... and that just isn't gonna work here :) The random stuff is for my track secret buddy, whom I feel kinda bad for since I haven't gotten her anything yet. Oh well, I think I've made up for it. Backtracking, track practice was nice, since we didn't really have one. That's not exactly true, since we warmed up, did our 150's and drills and then ran hills, but we didn't have an actual workout. We played Ultimate instead, always fun. Todos de mis amigos, we really need to start playing that again, now that the weather is getting nicer (keep your fingers crossed!). Also, field hockey peeps, I think we're gonna try to start running and whatnot on Saturdays after Easter vacation. We ARE going to districts this year! Hehe... I have to actually figure out what I'm going to take next year, and I'm having problems deciding between certain things. Like, do I want to take AP Euro? Do I really want to take art portfolio? What about cultural diversity with Mr. G? Or do I seriously want to try to pull this whole independent Russian study off? Choices, choices. Then there's college stuff. Yum. On the agenda for tomorrow is a York Tech meet - I'm running the 4x8, the open 4, and the 4x4 - after which I'm jumping into the car with Mom, Tayn, and Laura and heading up to Ainee's. Then we get to get up really early Friday morning to go to Rice's, which is totally awesome, but oh man I'm going to be beat. I wish my knees and hamstring would start to feel a little bit better. Happy early Easter everyone :)

how many times can she allude to mrs. o... Tuesday, 4.6.04 :: 09:54 p.m. Remember, and educate others... The meet at Hanover was good, aside from the fact that no one was in a race mentality. I think cinder tracks do that to you. It's kind of funny, you can tell the track people from the non-track people by the way they laugh - all the runners have this rasping laugh/cough that makes us sound like creepy old men. Anyway, spent the 45 minute bus ride home talking to Nicole about a bunch of stuff, mostly college and track related. It is soo strange to think that this time next year she (along with the rest of the current seniors) will be gone, and I'll be a senior. Wow. I think that's the sort of thing that some would choose to use the word "ephemeral" in conjunction with. This time next year, we'll all know where we're going to be for the next four years. How is it that I just got back, and now I have to focus on leaving again? Not to just stick in a random thought, because, you know, that's very modernist, but dinner was wonderful. Matt, we love you.

round and round Monday, 4.5.04 :: 11:07 p.m. Law and Order reruns are my friend - they allow me to zone out while my hand continuously writes English vocab crap. One day, I will live in a world where once you've proven that you understand what "didactic" and "prosaic" and "languish" mean, you won't ever have to regurgitate their definitions again. I'd rather spend my time learning them in russian... Very, very cold track practice. That's an understatement, you know. Cold and windy were definitely the words of the day, and we braved the 30 mph winds to do our warm-ups, and our 200's and our finish lines. It's interesting being the slow one for once - gives me a whole new perspective, which isn't entirely bad. ('Cause hey, runners DO have nice asses, and I've been seeing a lot of them lately...) I'll be back to my old self eventually, I just hope that it's in time to qualify for Penn Relays. We'll see. I get to run the second leg of the 4x8, and the open 4 tomorrow... wish me luck? Nakonyéts.

and all the birds are flying backwards Sunday, 4.4.04 :: 07:01 p.m. ... It's a virtual monsoon outside. I think we're up to 40 mph winds now, the rain is coming down, and the trees are whipping around. Maybe it's because we're on a huge hill? Or maybe it's because we're doomed to have rainy weather forever? I'd really like a nice 70º, sunny, cloudless day for once. i.e. I'd like summer. Ainee and Pop pop left this afternoon, after much running up and down stairs looking for felt hats on my part. Four days till we head there for Easter, which should prove to be interesting. (Rice's, here we come!) Hopefully we'll have a tag-a-long accompanying us ;) And yes, the birds really are flying backwards.