Colored Ink
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miss something? check the archives about me name: n/aaliases: kit, kits, kit kat, the smart girl, foxay, an chin age: 19 location: oakland, ca hobbies: anime, manga, reading, writing, doodling, video games, french horn likes: all of the above, being lazy, mushrooms, cheese, animals, laughing loudly in public dislikes: nuts, stinging/biting insects, religious fanatics, violence, olives contact: coloredink(at)gmail.com wishlist playstation 2car a good night's sleep money stress-free life trigun long colt keychain cowboy bebop dvd box set ipod world peace realistic wishlist dayworld by philip jos?farmerkabuki by david mack lucifer by mike carey infernal affairs ii long-term obsessions anime/mangayaoi/shounenai writing music animals life and living current obsession(s) infernal affairsfullmetal alchemist currently reading rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead by tom stoppardcurrently watching hana yori dango (20)utena (23) gto tv (39) witch hunter robin (18) naruto (58) get backers (27) rose of versailles (19) matantei loki ragnarok (15) scrapped princess (14) peacemaker kurogane (15) fullmetal alchemist (28) sailormoon live action (25) |
Tuesday, October 26, 2004 [link] 07:41 p.m. listening to: nothing So. Fucking. Tired. Am rapidly approaching burnout. I think Thursday will be another Mental Health Day. I'm working three days a row this week: Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Going to die. My hair is blue again. Saturday, October 23, 2004 [link] 02:31 p.m. listening to: "Origin of Love" - Hedwig and the Angry Inch Spent much of yesterday being confused and walked into things a lot. I'm much better today, but that may have something to do with not going to work. I woke up this morning nauseous, the world spinning around me. A few hours later, with Sudafed and some food in me, I feel much better. I think I really just needed a break. Catch up on work, on comic books, on sleep. Well, not the last bit--for some reason I'm wide awake now. It's raining outside and my room is dark, and it feels like the middle of the night, only it's not. Thursday, October 21, 2004 [link] 09:24 a.m. listening to: "Haunted" - Poe I dreamed last night that someone died, and I never had a chance to talk to him one last time. God, I hope my dreams are not prophetic. [Edit: I'm informed that he's fine, if anyone cares. But I do plan to talk to him soon. As in, today. In case the dream really is prophetic, which I honestly hope is not the case. I also don't have a history of prophetic dreams, though, so I think it's just my subconscious being mean to me.] Tuesday, October 19, 2004 [link] 05:55 p.m. listening to: "Blaze of Glory" - Jon Bon Jovi I would like to take a moment to talk about my latest Survey of American Lit. The prompt: discuss Frederick Douglass's use of religion in his Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave. I took Bible as Literature two semesters ago. I have way too many friends who are religion majors or otherwise heavily invested in religion. In other words, this is a great prompt for me. I have gone all out in this paper. My title is a direct reference to Daniel. I quote Matthew. I place allusions in context. The last sentence of my paper says something about delivering the people from Egypt. I think I'm so cool in this paper. I'm going to get a B-, I just know it. Monday, October 18, 2004 [link] 11:42 p.m. listening to: "Sin Nombre" - The Refreshments One of those days at work today where I couldn't seem to do anything right. Fortunately, Hugo didn't chew me out, probably because he realized that I was already mentally beating my head bloody against a wall. Then we went and watched Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence, which is an incredibly awesome and complex movie with some of the best composition and cinematics I have ever seen. TEN THOUSAND THUMBS UP. Also, I got an A (barely) on my last Chinese test. And a 46/50 on my oral composition. Rock. Sunday, October 17, 2004 [link] 01:36 p.m. listening to: travelling mix So as some of you know, I've been trying to lose weight over this past year. No fancy diets, just sensible eating and an increased exercise regime. I've had some minor setbacks in the form of health problems (ie: an inner ear infection for the last two and a half months that make it hard to do anything like jog or any exercise that involves having my head in a horizontal position), but so far it seems to have been fairly successful. My pants no longer fit. You know how after wearing a pair of jeans for a few days, they kind of stretch out and sag? It used to take a few days for my jeans to stretch out to the point where they'd fall off of me. Now they're just really, really too loose on me, so that I have to do stupid things like hold my pants up when I climb stairs, otherwise they fall off of me. I'm thrilled that I've lost so much weight, but goddamn I need new pants. So today, I dug through my drawers, hoping I had a pair of older, smaller jeans. Sure enough, I found a pair of black jeans that I'd brought with me for God knows what reason, because they haven't fit me for a while. I tried them on when I first started college and couldn't even get them past my thighs. Those jeans fit now. They're a little snug, but they fit. I'm filled with indescribable glee. Friday, October 15, 2004 [link] 12:15 p.m. listening to: "Lord, I Have Made You a Place In My Heart" - Ani DiFranco Attended a drag dance last night. It was fun, even though I cannot dance. However, dancing these days seems to involve mostly moving your hips to the music, so maybe I'm a better dancer than I think. Besides, I was a gangbanger. I don't think they do anything fancy when they dance, anyway. It was kind of a spontaneous decision on my part to go. I wasn't planning to, since I had lots of work and class the next day, etc. But we taped down my chest, stuck me in a t-shirt and baggy pants (part of my normal attire), covered up my long hair with a beanie, slapped a spiked wristband on my wrist, and I was good to go. People kept saying things like, "You look like someone I went to high school with," which I take to be a sign of ultimate success. Gave an oral presentation in Chinese today, which I didn't fuck up as badly as I thought I would. Those years of speech and debate really paid off. Now I'm home, and I'm going to take a nap and then do my laundry, because my sheets are disgusting. Then I'm going to read some more Frederick Douglass (who's surprisingly readable, even interesting), and then I'm going to go to Berkeley and read comic books and eat dinner with my friend. Work tomorrow, and also a glorious seafood dinner. On Sunday, I'll do the rest of my homework (World Religions reading, intro + thesis for Intro to Lit, Chinese hanzi practice) and write my paper for Survey of American Lit. Not bad. Wednesday, October 13, 2004 [link] 05:56 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist Big test in Chinese today. I didn't leave anything blank. I'd say that's an improvement. Monday, October 11, 2004 [link] 11:18 p.m. listening to: "Tiin Taitans GO!" - Puffy AmiYumi Puffy AmiYumi concert today. FANTABULOUS. Yumi is hot like fire. And now, I am going to drink beer and do World Religions homework. The $640,000 question: why do I not have a Teen Titans shirt? Thursday, October 7, 2004 [link] 10:56 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist My job has perks I didn't even consider. Attending conventions for free, for one thing (well, I work the booth one day, but I get another day to wander around and see stuff). I also get to go to the Puffy Amiyumi concert on Monday. Cool. In other news, I got arch supports today. Oh my God, they make such a difference. I should have done this years ago. Monday, October 4, 2004 [link] 09:02 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist The register was short today. Sunday, October 3, 2004 [link] 03:57 a.m. listening to: "Good Enough" - Sarah McLachlan I am not entirely certain that I am a bad person. But I have a low tolerance for bullshit. I have a low tolerance for self-indulgent, whiny behavior. I am not afraid to tell someone to their face that I think they are full of shit/need to shut up/need to grow a spine. Most of the time I know and utilize tact. Yeah, sometimes I shove my foot down my throat so far it comes out of my ass. Who doesn't? . . . don't answer that. But there are times, you know, when I think the other person genuinely needs a good smacking. This doesn't mean I don't like you. As a matter of fact, this generally means I love you to death. It's when I stop talking to you entirely that there's a problem. I'm so tired, but I don't want to sleep. I don't have any problems of my own; it's everyone else's problems that get to me. I have problems communicating. I often do the "what do you mean you can't read my mind?!" thing, I think I've told someone something when I haven't, I have difficulty expressing my emotions. This is why I write. This is why I use writing to communicate to myself, even, things that I need to know but aren't ready to face. Or maybe I'm too blind to face them. But, yeah. It's just been a long night full of hurt feelings and miscommunication, and I hate it. I don't have any problems. I feel like I'm not pulling my weight. Or maybe I'm just in denial about my problems. Maybe I just cope better. I don't know. I should probably just sleep. I'll wake up tomorrow (er. . . later today) and wonder what all the fuss was about. Sunday, September 26, 2004 [link] 09:43 p.m. listening to: "Wild Horses" - Bush I think I've lost all direction in my life. It's a new feeling for me. Saturday, September 25, 2004 [link] 07:12 p.m. listening to: "Good Enough" - Sarah McLachlan My cousin Kelvin is moving back to Los Angeles to work for his father. He will probably take over the business. I don't know if this means I'm out of a job or what. Well, probably not out of a job; I could probably still go back and do sales and whatnot if I wanted. But sales isn't something I want to do for the rest of my life. The appeal is running the business and being your own boss, and not having to take crap from anybody. Chinese class is going well. I am officially enrolled in section 2 now. I'm glad to have that weight off my shoulders. And I'm employed, which is another fantastic thing. I have Internet in my room. Everything's clicking together. It would be silly to ask, "Then why aren't I happy?" I'm very aware that just because everything's going smoothly doesn't mean that I'll be happy. But I'm not unhappy either. I have a very thick Taiwanese accent. Most of my class does not speak standard Mandarin; they speak either southern or eastern Mandarin. So I'm not the only one with this problem. My issue is more that I don't want to correct my accent. The teacher projects an air of "standard Mandarin is better and superior for x, y, and z reasons" and it irritates me. In fact, it makes me feel deeply uncomfortable, as if I have been speaking an inferior dialect all these years and should be very ashamed. But there is no reason this should be the case; is a Bostonian or a native New Yorker inferior because they have an accent? I think I understand, now, some of the feelings of a Kansai native. Or a Cockney-born. I have resolved that I am not going to speak standard Mandarin. I'll learn it for the sake of a grade (we have to give oral presentations later on in the semesters), but I won't standardize my pronunciation. It's been good enough for eighteen years, and it should continue to be good enough for the rest of my life. However, this means I cannot be a translator. At least, I cannot be an interpreter, which is really what I was working towards. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I used to know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, and now I don't, and the nights are growing longer. Kelvin is taking me out for dinner tomorrow. I wonder if I can bring some friends. Wednesday, September 22, 2004 [link] 09:30 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist I AM NOW GAINFULLY EMPLOYED. From now on, I am an employee at Anime V, which is a division of Paradigm Enterprises. In other words, I work at an anime store. I AM SUCH A LOSER. I do all sorts of things, from menial tasks to selling items to renting out items to inventory to blah blah blah WORK. But at least it's, you know, stuff I know about, so I'm not miserable or anything. It's not like I have to, like, learn the merchandise. Ha ha ha. And after a month I can get free rentals and employee discounts! WHEE. So far, I'm working six hours a week on Wednesdays. I'm confident that with more training I'll be bumped up to work two days a week. I'm hoping for three, but that's up to Hugo. I totally was not expecting to work today. I didn't get enough sleep last night (random insomnia) and I was expecting to go home and take a nap before starting on the ASSLOADS OF WORK I had to do. Had class in Berkeley today, decided to stop by the store and see if Hugo had looked at my application. Hugo: Yeah, I called you yesterday. Me: You did? . . . I'm sorry, call my cellphone next time. Hugo: Anyway, checked out your references, it looks like you can handle it, blah blah not all fun and games blah these are your expected duties blah blah yakity smackity you need training but I'm going to be gone these next couple of weeks blah blah blah etc. Me: . . . so when do I start? Hugo: Can you start today? I agreed, probably against my better judgment. Got a crash course, most of which I may not remember due to being massively sleepy and also, you know, A LOT OF NEW INFORMATION. But with a little practice I was able to, like, ring up purchases by myself. OMG. I am so l33t. Yeah, so, I'm employed now. If I work 16 hours a week (as I hope I will), if I can get it scheduled right, my grades should not suffer. I'm underloading this semester, and my classes give me so little work that if I get my shit together, I'll be able to get my work done in plenty of time and still be able to go out occasionally. I just have to figure out when my midterms are so I can give Hugo plenty of advance warning. So that I can do things like, I don't know, study. And not fail. Sunday, September 19, 2004 [link] 12:10 p.m. listening to: "Kesenai Tsumi" - Nana Kitade At last, I have Internet in my room! Internet that's not going to go away! And it only took three wireless cards! I also have a cold. But at least I have Internet in my room. I also met Kaie yesterday. I want to take her home with me and keep her forever. In other news, I have to write a paper today. Phooey. |
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