Colored Ink
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miss something? check the archives about me name: n/aaliases: kit, kits, kit kat, the smart girl, foxay, an chin age: 19 location: oakland, ca hobbies: anime, manga, comic books, reading, writing, doodling, video games likes: all of the above, being lazy, mushrooms, animals, food, laughing loudly in public, SUSHI dislikes: nuts, stinging/biting insects, religious fanatics, violence, olives contact: coloredink(at)gmail.com wishlist playstation 2car a good night's sleep money stress-free life trigun long colt keychain ipod hardon-kardon speakers 19" flatscreen monitor world peace realistic wishlist dayworld by philip jos?farmerkabuki by david mack infernal affairs ii dvd-rom lucifer vol 7 transmetropolitan long-term obsessions anime/mangayaoi/shounenai/slash writing music animals life and living current obsession(s) smallvillecurrently reading the dark is rising by susan coopercurrently watching hana yori dango (20)utena (23) witch hunter robin (18) naruto (58) get backers (27) rose of versailles (19) matantei loki ragnarok (15) scrapped princess (14) peacemaker kurogane (15) fullmetal alchemist (28) sailormoon live action (25) smallville (2.19) |
Saturday, March 19, 2005 [link] 11:36 a.m. listening to: none I broke Firefox or something and now I can't view my own blog. Let's see if blogging will make a difference! [Edit: Nope. . . I can make entries, I guess, but I can't see them. Good thing I'm going home tomorrow.] Thursday, March 17, 2005 [link] 01:15 p.m. listening to: "Exhausted" - Foo Fighters So, I'm going home today. For two days only, never fear. Needless to say, I haven't started packing yet. My goal is to have an almost-entirely-empty suitcase, so that I can bring stuff back. That is really the goal of this trip. I want to bring back, if nothing else, my trenchcoat and my red rain jacket. I need to remember to do my dishes before I leave. Someone remind me. Wednesday, March 16, 2005 [link] 01:27 p.m. listening to: "Mario Takes a Walk" - Jesse Cook Therapy again today. I feel much less drained this time. The therapist is implying that I should go in for something long-term, but I'm not sure how I feel about that. I think it's something I'll gauge after I'm done with therapy this semester. Figuring out my issues isn't really what I want to do, here. I know what my issues are. What I want to do is figure out how to fix them. Anyway, naptime for me. Tuesday, March 15, 2005 [link] 04:58 p.m. listening to: "Sickest Girl" - Bertine Zetlitz Windows XP Tips and Tricks: I've followed maybe two or three of these tips and I've already noticed an improvement in performance. Monday, March 14, 2005 [link] 11:49 p.m. listening to: "Common People" - Ben Folds feat. William Shatner I've been really lazy/apathetic/passive these last few days. I'm kind of worried, except I'm too apathetic to actually be worried. So really, it's like I'm worried at a distance. It's like I feel I should be worried, but really I'm not. I'm worried, but too lazy to do anything about it! . . . aiyah. It's probably just burnout or something. Or really, I just have too little work. I finish it, and then I have nothing to do, and then when I do have something to do, I feel disinclined to do it. The repetition in this entry is killing me. I'm going to stop now. Monday, March 14, 2005 [link] 07:48 p.m. listening to: "Goukon ato no Famiresu nite" - Sonim Holy crap, I'm going home this Thursday. Sunday, March 13, 2005 [link] 08:14 p.m. listening to: "Goukon ato no Famiresu nite" - Sonim This song has been stuck in my head since the first time I listened to it, which was maybe two or three days ago. I don't know what it is; there's just something about it that resonates with me. The emotion, maybe? Then I went and looked at the lyrics, and it just blew me away. There's just something so desperate and real about this song. I don't know. I'm going to stop talking about this song now, because I can tell when I'm just being dumb and talking into a nonreceptive void. Anyway, this weekend's been pretty lazy, which is why I haven't blogged. I don't even remember what I did on Friday. Saturday I did all my homework, so today I did a little bit of writing and dicked around online. I guess I'm going to go ahead and do some more writing. Maybe I should get ahead on my homework instead. . . Thursday, March 10, 2005 [link] 04:17 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist Another glorious spring-summer day, and once again the lawn was peppered with women (and some boys) sprawled in various stages of relaxation. I was tempted, but by the time I ventured out of my room to go to class it was too late in the day for me to really spend much time enjoying it. I feel like I've spent my life in various stages of war with the sun. The winter months were my favorite for much of my adolescence, when I liked to spend late nights on the computer and early mornings in bed. Summer, for me, is band camp: trying to wear as little as possible, sweltering in three-degree heat and burning my skin, gulping down frozen water that was tepid by the end of the afternoon. When I was young I used to delight in comparing the darkness of my skin with my other family members; now I realize that I'm pale, yellow like a stereotypical Oriental. Mills has been good for my self-image. Southern California makes me loathe myself, constantly surrounded by the tiny Asian girls that I should be. Southern California makes me defensive; I weigh myself compulsively and rant at the restaurants for not having vegetarian options. Now, when I see myself walking towards me in the reflective surface of a glass door, I see someone who is fit and capable. I recognize that I need to lose weight, but more because I want to be able to run up the stairs without passing out at the top than because I don't want to be the only person in the class who wears XL. I'm going home for two days next weekend. I need to buy shorts. My only pair is now too big for me to wear. Wednesday, March 9, 2005 [link] 01:06 p.m. listening to: nothing Went to therapy today. I feel emotionally exhausted. Have another appointment for next week. I think I'm going to go take a nap now. Tuesday, March 8, 2005 [link] 08:23 p.m. listening to: "The Fighting Priest" - Ailsean Spring has come to visit, although I doubt she'll stay past the end of the week. Women flocked out to the lawns today and yesterday, some of them in bathing suits and some of them topless, some of them reading and studying, some of them sprawled feline-content on the grass with their lovers. I was in that befuddled state that comes with a late morning and a lazy day. I got a B- on my paper, but I was much too blah to care about it until later in the day. So instead, after class, I played pool with myself until I felt in a state to go back to my room and do absolutely nothing. I've decided that I'm probably not going to grad school. It's a scary thought; I've just always known that I was going to go on and get a higher degree. But, well, English majors aren't encouraged to go to grad school right away, anyway. And if I'm going to be a journalist, then what do I need grad school for? Journalism isn't something you learn in a classroom. It's something you learn sitting through City Council meetings and sweating over a keyboard at 2 AM, trying to meet your deadline. The only reason for me to continue my education would be so that I could get paid more, but then I run the risk of no one wanting to hire me for precisely that reason. So, I suppose it'll be a BA for me, and I'll go to grad school after I have a few years of experience under my belt. I have a big Chinese test tomorrow, but somehow I lack the energy to care. I'd better go study. Monday, March 7, 2005 [link] 11:46 p.m. listening to: "Pretty When You Cry" - VAST If I had a racehorse, I would name it Aesop's Fable. Sunday, March 6, 2005 [link] 02:06 p.m. listening to: "Here" - VAST The ubiquitous to-do list! - - - Archaeology reading - - I'm working Wednesday night, so I should work to get ahead in my HW as much as possible. Friday, March 4, 2005 [link] 08:23 p.m. listening to: Avenue Q: The Musical (Broadway Cast Recording) Oh my God, this album is totally the best thing ever. Thursday, March 3, 2005 [link] 11:35 p.m. listening to: nothing That last entry wasn't meant to worry anything or implore people to stop reading my blog or anything. It's the Internet, for Chrissakes; how would I stop anyone from doing anything, and why would I want to? The very fact that I have a blog means that I'm a narcissistic whore. I made an appointment to see a counselor next Wednesday. Hurrah, a step on the road to mental wellness! I don't feel that there's anything terribly wrong with me, but I think I need to unload to someone who can give me a nudge in the right direction. We'll see how this goes. Meanwhile, today I woke up late, snarked at a friend, ate lunch, dicked around, went to class, came back from class and dicked around some more, then went to dinner and then to another class. And then I came back from class, did some writing, and now I am going to bed. My life is so comfortably dull. Wednesday, March 2, 2005 [link] 01:00 p.m. listening to: "Le tribu de Dana" - Manau Lately, there have been some things I want to discuss, but not necessarily here. They're intensely personal things, the kinds of things that I have to drunk to talk about. I'm perfectly aware that people I know in real life read this thing, and sometimes they bring up an entry. Which is fine; I'm not averse to discussing anything I write about on the Internet (I mean, it's the Internet; if I were uncomfortable with the subject, why on Earth would I put it up for the entire world to read?). But at the same time, I like the ability to pretend that no one's reading this but me. It's a completely ridiculous attitude, of course, and one I should stop entertaining. I've just had far too much time to think lately, to analyze myself and worry about certain tendencies. I need to find another job or another hobby; I need to find something to occupy my time. Or maybe I should stop trying to analyze myself and talk to someone who's paid to listen to my fears. Never again for the rest of my life will I have free therapy, after all. Monday, February 28, 2005 [link] 07:57 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist Last night I stayed up unnecessarily late in order to freak out over my future. In other words, I figured out which classes to take and when for my Journalism minor. It looks like I'm going to have to find a study abroad program that offers journalism classes in order to fit everything in. I still don't know where to study abroad. I keep thinking England, because I've always wanted to go to England, but I think I won't know for sure until I get back from my European tour this summer. Again, it has to be somewhere with a journalism program. And preferably in English. I think I'm at peace with becoming a journalist. It's probably stupid, but it feels right. With everything else that I thought of doing--teaching, interpreting, etc.--it always felt forced, somehow, like I was trying to squeeze myself into a shape that didn't quite fit. Now, though, I think I've found something I can live with. Until the next thing comes along, anyway. Saturday, February 26, 2005 [link] 07:47 p.m. listening to: "Full of Grace" - Sarah McLachlan Sometimes I have nightmares about my father dying. They're not nightmares, really. I don't have them when I'm asleep. But every time a family member tells me that my father can't type anymore because of his arthritis, when he emails with news of his heart problems, I wonder about a world without my father in it. I imagine that when I get the news, I will be completely unresponsive for a week. Right now, I can joke about it. I can tell my father to eat less meat and more tofu and get more exercise. I can joke about hiring assassins, because if my memory is correct I'll come into a sizeable amount of money when my father dies. But all I can really do, somewhere inside, is cling and ask him not to go. Saturday, February 26, 2005 [link] 06:20 p.m. listening to: "Common People" - Ben Folds feat. William Shatner For the first time in my life, I'm having some difficulty making a paper meet the minimum page requirements. After altering my thesis for the third or fourth time (this is how I work), I am confident that I'll be able to do it now, but it's still a pain in the ass. One paragraph and a conclusion to do. Then I'll print the paper and edit it tomorrow with fresh eyes. I'm sure there are typos everywhere. Why haven't more people covered this song? There are so many ways to play with it. Wednesday, February 23, 2005 [link] 12:33 p.m. listening to: "Run" - Collective Soul Things I need to do today: - FAFSA - - - yell at financial aid (actually, I may do this tomorrow, since I am very sleepy and the office closes at like four) **sigh** |
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