Colored Ink
|
miss something? check the archives
about me name: n/aaliases: kit, kits, kit kat, the smart girl, foxay, an chin age: 18 location: socal, usa hobbies: anime, manga, reading, writing, doodling, video games, french horn likes: all of the above, being lazy, mushrooms, cheese, animals, laughing loudly in public dislikes: nuts, stinging/biting insects, religious fanatics, violence, olives contact: coloredink@mailcity add .com wishlist playstation 2car summer job a good night's sleep money stress-free life trigun dvd box set realistic wishlist dayworld by philip josEfarmerkabuki by david mack long-term obsessions anime/mangayaoi/shounenai clamp music animals life and living video games current obsession(s) schoolap tests currently reading nothing newcurrently playing dark cloud 2ffx currently watching hana yori dango (20)utena (23) gto tv (27) mirage of blaze (6) witch hunter robin (18) weiß kreuz gluhen (8) naruto (30) wolf's rain (12) i my me strawberry eggs (9) get backers (23) rose of versailles (16) |
Sunday, May 18, 2003 [link] 09:28 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist I have been a productive little monkey today. I finished my Econ final project, mailed out all my rejection letters (yes, I know, I'm bad), and. . . that's all I did, really. But hey, that Econ final project! I have a gigantic blister on my little toe from the parade yesterday. It's, like, almost the size of my thumbnail. I've been wondering if I should pop it. It doesn't really hurt--it was very painful yesterday--but I just don't like having it there. I should probably wear sandals to school tomorrow. With my Econ final project done, I feel like I can stop worrying about school now. I know that's not the case and that I should still keep my grades up, but still. Laziness is so tempting. Saturday, May 17, 2003 [link] 02:48 p.m. listening to: "Big Yellow Taxi" - Amy Grant Last parade of the year today. It went okay. We got second place. I was too tired to care, really. I'm just glad it's over with. They had to cut my hair, which horrified some people. You can't really tell; they managed to put most of it up under the shako and cut what didn't fit. The hair at the back of my neck is just jagged, that's all. I meant to get it cut last week, but what with one thing and another, I forgot. So I really just saved ten bucks. I wish people would understand that I don't care about my hair. I'd shave my head for a hundred dollars. And I honestly don't care about "looking stupid." It's not like I'm trying to impress anyone, and a hundred dollars is a heckuva lot of money. Shower now, then nap, and then I shall work my ass off on my econ project for the rest of the night. I need to buy a display board. Friday, May 16, 2003 [link] 05:20 p.m. listening to: "Wild Horses" - Off the Beat While I'm waiting for some (evil, immoral) scanlations to download, I might as well talk about sex. **significant pause here** If the topic makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this entry. It's not my intention to weird anyone out. I just want to clarify my position or something, I guess. I have what could be considered a peculiar attitude towards sex in that I think it's a perfectly normal, healthy thing. I do not recoil in shame and disgust at the mention of it. Neither do I happily and gleefully envision everyone on the street unclothed. I consider this a healthy attitude towards sex. Sex is not something that I think we should be ashamed of. It should not be treated as a taboo subject to shield your children from at all times. Good grief, how did those children come to be in the first place? But I don't think it's something that should be discussed loudly at the dinner table, either, because it's something private for most people. Some people are comfortable chattering about their vibrators at the dinner table in mixed company. Some aren't. For courtesy's sake, please refrain from mentioning genitalia while people are eating. That said, I'm not a gigantic pervert. I do not think about sex every eight minutes. I am not "sick." I'm about as sexually active as a raw potato, or at least one that likes looking at pretty guys getting it on (that link does not mean I endorse them, it's just that they do a pretty good job at explaining what yaoi is, last I checked). I'm just not fazed by the mention of sex or things related to sex. This doesn't mean that I think sex is "cheap." I don't view men--or women--as merely sex objects. I don't put sex on some kind of shining pedestal because I don't think it's the end-all and be-all of expressing love. Some people use it as recreation, some people save themselves for marriage. Okay, whatever floats your boat. It's up to you. Just stay safe, because God knows what diseases are floating around out there today. But despite all this jabbering, I don't think about sex much. I don't allude to sex much. This is because it's a normal thing to me. I might as well talk about my socks or something. It's not a big deal. Some people make it a big deal, and they show it by constantly making perverted jokes or talking about who they laid last night or whatever. To which I say: are you trying to shock me? Are you trying to impress me? Because you're not. You're just annoying me. You might as well talk about your hair for an hour, because you'd get the same amount of interest. Friday, May 16, 2003 [link] 04:49 p.m. listening to: "For the Sake of the Song" - Azure Ray This week was one of the longest weeks on Earth. My father's home. He was indeed in Las Vegas. I don't know if he won more than he lost. But still, he's home. This makes me happy. Gen, sorry, it looks like we won't be able to meet this weekend, either. Rachel can't make it, and we both have a huge project we should be working on anyway. But next week, for sure! Rachel's keeping next Sunday open. And since I haven't done one of these descriptive exercises in a long time, I'll do one now: The air is thick and hot, the kind of heat that sticks to your clothing, the kind of heat that presses down on everything and keeps everyone inside. Even the birds are silent. They fly low, when they fly at all, weighed down by the sun on their backs. The wind is hot too, like the blast from a furnace. Everything is sun and bright and yellow, baking the sidewalks, heavy on your skin. The sky is blue and seems to go on forever. Days like this remind me why I'm moving to the Bay. Thursday, May 15, 2003 [link] 08:32 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist I am cranky. I hate school. I am sick of school. My classes don't do anything for me anymore. I go to school for Econ and band, and that's it; with APs over, the rest of my classes are pointless. Maybe I can go to school zero and first period tomorrow and then go home and work on my project. Or procrastinate some more. I can't sleep at night. I've been swallowing one pill after another on and off, and they've stopped doing anything for me. I've been taking sleeping pills for four nights now. Usually I stop after three, when my sleep cycle gets back on track, but I still can't sleep. Maybe I should up the dosage. Maybe I should stop before I become addicted. Maybe it's already too late. The house is so empty without my father. I don't want to think of what it must be like for him when I'm not home. It's not like we interact that much, when he is home, but I can count on music coming from his room. I can count on his occasional meandering around the house. There's no food and my father didn't leave me any money. I have my own money, so it's okay, but I wonder why he didn't leave me any money. He almost forgot to leave me money last time, too, when he went to China for two weeks. At least he's only gone for five days this time. Sleep deprivation is associated with depression. I hate everything right now. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 [link] 06:03 p.m. listening to: "Agnus Dei" - Libera Something I pondered just before falling asleep today: I wonder if I'm becoming too aware of race. I mean, it's not something I really used to pay attention to. I don't particularly feel Asian. I don't particularly feel Caucasian or Hispanic or what have you, either. It's something that happens to the second-generation Asian-American whose family isn't terribly cultural, I guess. You don't really identify with any one "race." I put down "Asian, Asian-American, or Pacific Islander," on those tests because I'm expected to, not because I really feel any sense of identity as one. But somehow, I've become more aware of my race/ethnicity recently, "recent" encompassing perhaps the past year or so. I find myself making more jokes about being Asian, and it's become easier to explain my idiosynscrasies or those of my family as "an Asian thing." It makes me a little uncomfortable, how easy it is to say things like that. I mean, why should my or my family's mannerisms be so easily labeled? But somehow, it's easier to say that we do this or that "because we're Asian." That one label encompasses so many things, from thriftiness to a certain skepticism of authority to a kind of family tie. [insert crack about Amy Tan books here] Amea has said in one of her entries that she was taught to ignore racial difference, which I think is the best way to go about it. I wasn't precisely raised to do the same, I just ignored racial difference because I didn't know any better (save for that one incident of the Indian boy that I mentioned a few entries ago, whom I was mean to because everyone else was). I wasn't aware that people treated each other differently because they looked different, not even in second grade, when we learned about Martin Luther King Jr. That sort of thing doesn't really sink into the brain of an eight-year old, I guess. So I don't know if it's a bad or good thing, being aware of being "Asian." Maybe it's a good thing, since in the Bay Area people seem to be very conscious of things like "minority rights." I've been spoiled, in a way, living in Southern California where I'm surrounded by "my own kind." It's like a security blanket of sorts. Of course, being surrounded by my own kind has also made me more callous, in a way, because there are some Asians out there that are incredibly stupid and ignorant and give the rest of us a bad name. I never knew that there were people out there who still called us "chinks," but there are. It surprises and amuses me; I don't find it particularly hurtful. But that sort of thing makes me think that maybe it's not so bad to be more aware of my place in the world. Wednesday, May 14, 2003 [link] 02:50 p.m. listening to: "Hymn" - Jars of Clay / "Call Me Call Me" - Yoko Kanno I think I 0wnz0r3d the AP Government test, but again, that probably means I failed. Especially in something like Government, where I walked away from quite a few tests feeling like I'd done well and came back the next day to find that I'd gotten a C. Mr. Hammett fed us, though, so it was okay. He fed us well, too. Sushi. Mmmm, sushi. Since the computers are networked, this past week I've been listening to music on the other computer. The other computer has speakers that are like three times better than mine, and my mp3s sound so good that I could have a music orgasm or something, We have an extra set of those speakers, so I almost want to take them with me to college, but they don't have a headphone jack, so I wouldn't be able to listen to music on headphones. And, uh, disturbing your dormmates = not good. I'm going to get a new hard drive before I go to college. And new headphones. This I vow. I'm so tired. I'm so very tired. AP tests are over, which means things should be easier, but I still have a final economics project to do that I haven't even started on (mainly because I can't find any information at all and I am so screwed in that respect). I should start on that now--or at least figure out a topic I want to change to, since I seriously can't find anything on my current topic--but I really, really want to relax. I'm tired. I wish there were a way to take a vacation from life. Tuesday, May 13, 2003 [link] 09:29 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist My father's gone again, for those of you who, like, want to know about my welfare and stuff. He left on Monday. He didn't say where he was going this time, which leads me to believe that a) he's still in the country and b) he's in Las Vegas. Ditched school to study for the AP Government test today. I'm not so much with the whole cramming-the-night-before thing, but eh. I actually don't care that much about AP Government. It seems that after the AP Bio test, senioritis has hit me hard. I have to remember to keep my priorities in order. Like, uh, graduating. Graduating is good. I wish I could stop going to school after tomorrow. I feel guilty about missing so much of zero period. We have a parade this weekend, and if I miss zero period tomorrow to go eat breakfast in Mr. Hammett's room and do last-minute "studying," I'll have missed three days of zero period (I missed Monday too, and I missed today for obvious reasons). Ordinarily that would be enough for Mr. Edo to keep me from marching, but I don't think he would, since he trusts me and all. And I missed the last parade because I was sick. But still, I feel bad. Mr. Edo's a really nice guy and I hate taking advantage of his good nature. Grar. But. . . free food! Auuuugh. Monday, May 12, 2003 [link] 02:25 p.m. listening to: the chatter of the media center The AP Biology test did not completely assrape me. As a matter of fact, I'd venture to say that I might have done well, save that if I say such a thing I'll undoubtedly receive a big fat 2 as my score, and that would be very disappointing. Still, it wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be, although I don't know how well I did on the essays. The first essay question, especially was a complete. . . arrrgh. I ended up saving it for last and didn't even answer one aspect of the question, involving Chi-squares, which I didn't understand at all. The other three essay questions, however (regulation of water/temperature/flowering, population growth, and death), were all right. I am very sleepy now. I feel like I've been living strung on edge for the past week and am only now getting to relax, which of course means I immediately flop over and fall asleep. There's only the AP Government test now, and I feel fairly confident about that. |
blogs better than mine friends ambercathrine dagger gen jasmine jean jen jess kelsey tracy vanessa walker ppl i wish were my friends lexnatalie neil gaiman otherpeople places to go shameless plugs blue tumbleweedscasm colored ink hogwarts post rpg role-play network the book my side7 gallery notus bebhinn friends book of genismhanaeda's corner lost intent shike.org snag studios pirates' alley ex-technomancy productions willf.org yaoiville non-friends bishoneninkcasualvillain.com crimson tears firecat fanfics hanashika.com impossible kitsch mooncalf oki doki rabi's headquarters scribbled spaghetti sekai seifuku the void tourniquet twoflowerian fiction comics sinfestboy meets boy the boondocks foxtrot for better or for worse something positive bruno grayling scary go round arcana megatokyo penny arcade faux pas jack suburban jungle tril0kan saturnalia clipped wings mac hall my life in blue directions of destiny vinci and arty kagerou [mirror] fallen return to sender bite me strings of fate your wings are mine sexy losers sabrina other cool sites anime news networkanipike dictionary.com explodingdog elfwood epilogue gamefaqs kekkai.org livejournal orisinal otakuworld side7 themeworld the onion toriyama world yerf zany video game quotes i owe my stress to pitas.com |