Colored Ink
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about me name: n/aaliases: kit, kits, kit kat, the smart girl, foxay, an chin age: 17 location: socal, usa hobbies: anime, manga, reading, writing, doodling, video games, french horn likes: all of the above, being lazy, mushrooms, cheese, animals, laughing loudly in public dislikes: nuts, stinging/biting insects, religious fanatics, violence, olives contact: coloredink@mailcity add .com wishlist playstation 2car summer job a good night's sleep money stress-free life trigun dvd box set realistic wishlist dayworld by philip josé farmerkabuki by david mack moxy fruvous live noise hellsing dvd box set long-term obsessions anime/mangayaoi/shounenai clamp music animals life and living video games current obsession(s) schoolcollege currently reading nothing newcurrently playing ffxdevil may cry currently watching hana yori dango (20)utena (23) gto tv (27) ccs tv (19?) mirage of blaze (6) witch hunter robin (17) kogepan (10) weiß kreuz gluhen (6) naruto (19) wolf's rain (5) i my me strawberry eggs (6) |
Tuesday, February 18, 2003 [link] 03:04 p.m. listening to: "Dona Dona" - Joan Baez I'd also like to add that Something Positive breaks my heart. Yes, Something Positive, a comic known for its sheer callousness and bitter, acidic wit. The past few comics have torn out my heart and tapdanced on it. Tuesday, February 18, 2003 [link] 02:34 p.m. listening to: "Dona Dona" - Joan Baez Lots of things to mutter about today. When I got home there was a box waiting for me from Buy.com. I eagerly tore it open, thinking it was my new burner, but it was just the CDs I ordered along with the burner. Apparently my burner's on back order. **tears out her hair** ARRRRRRGH. I'm really, really beginning to hate high school. It feels like one great big stretch of NOTHING. I go to school, I go to class, and I don't even remember what we did in class. People ask me, "So what did we do in Government today?" and I just give them blanks stares. I don't know. I just want out. I want to go to college already, where I can choose my own classes and where I won't be sitting in a classroom seven hours a day. It's not to say that I'm not learning in school right now; I feel like I'm learning, at least in Economics (Mr. Hammett prods buttock). Is it right to say that I don't feel like I'm learning the way I want to? Or that I'm not learning the things I want to know, that I need to know. I feel like right now, I'm just fulfilling requirements. That's it. But I'm afraid that once I get into college, maybe it'll be worse. I've heard too many horror stories from people who went to college and then fell flat on their face. First quarter, first semester horror stories. They weren't ready for it. Am I ready for it? Emotionally, I think I am. I'm champing at the bit. But intellectually? Am I prepared for college? I don't know. But I think I'm ready to find out. It's better than this endless uncertainty of not-knowing, and the restlessness of being trapped in a cage, able to go only three steps in any one direction. There are some people who're reluctant to leave high school. They're insecure or unambitious. They're not ready. That's fine, I understand that; some people move at different paces. But then there are some people who never leave high school. They just hang around forever, talking to their old friends and their own teachers. I can understand the nostalgia, maybe; after all, high school is at least a familiar place. But I can't understand how they can be content with this. How can anyone not want to move on, eventually? I know that it's a scary thing, growing up, but you have to, and you might as well face it on your own terms, right? But maybe that's just me. Some people are content to stay in one place their entire lives. On a different note entirely, I'm an intellectual snob. I know this. I can admit it, though I dislike doing so. I don't want to be thought of as a snob. But I am. It comes from, I guess, an altogether too easy childhood. I understood things quickly and easily in elementary school, and I was too young to notice if other kids didn't "get it" quite as quickly as I did. It never occurred to me that some people might have trouble understanding. It wasn't until I got to high school that I actually saw it. These are perfectly nice kids. They aren't lazy; they honestly try. You can see how much effort they're putting out. They just don't get it. Their brains don't grasp the material. I helped them, and then they would get it, and they would look at me and say, "Wow, you're so smart!" And I would smile uncertainly. I never realized that I was different. Now I know that I'm considered "smart" by many of my peers, even those who take the same AP classes I do and more. It seems so ridiculous. For one thing, there are plenty of things I'm not good at. I can't do shit with my hands, for example. Building, craftsmanship, art; I can't do any of this. I'm as clumsy as if I were born with three legs. I can't catch, throw, or run; in fact, I'm not suited to anything athletic except maybe hockey and soccer. But because I have a memory that's a little better than others and because I can analyze information just a little quicker, people think I'm "smart" and shower me with praise. I think there's something a little wrong with that. So, yeah. I'm an intellectual snob. I get impatient, sometimes, with people who don't get it, or who have trouble remembering things that the teacher covered in class. I'm surprised when people don't know the words I use. It's not intentional, but it's difficult to help myself. I usually understand things after they've been explained to me once. I'm uncomfortable asking when I don't understand it; I feel like it's my fault, somehow, for not comprehending. After all, I've always understood things before. And when people ask me, "How did you get so smart?" or "Where did you learn this?" I can't say, "Oh, this is how I picked it up." I don't remember where I learned words like "simian" and "peremptory." They're just there, in my brain. I'm always surprised other people don't know them. As a child, I always assumed that I was normal, that everyone was like me. Now that I'm older I know it's not the case, but that's my instinctive reaction anyway. Why isn't everyone like me? I don't know. Supposedly, my brain works more "efficiently." It's because I read a lot of books when I was young. It's because my father treated me like an equal, not a child. It's because I have a better memory. Whatever it is, it makes me uneasy. I feel like I have to keep myself back, somehow, so that others won't envy or resent me. But why can't I just be myself? Better yet, why can't everyone be like me, so that I don't stick out? Sunday, February 16, 2003 [link] 10:11 p.m. listening to: nothing Auuuugh my eyes they buuuurrrnn. Yeah, I just watched four episodes of Reign: The Conqueror, three episodes of I My Me Strawberry Eggs and Spriggan. . . . yes, diverse anime selection. Auuuuugh my eeeyyyyeeeeess. And my brain, too. Pure goop. Reign. Is. The. Best. Thing. EVER. My God, why did I not watch this series before? In the immortal words of Whitney (who, by the way, foisted images and things on me until I was positively drooling over this series), this series makes me hard. It makes me thrash. Furthermore, it makes the baby history geek in me perk up and go "Ooo?" I know very little about ancient history, but so far everything in Reign has actually been fairly historically accurate. I mean, besides the sci-fi stuff. And Ptolemy being a comically wussy little man. And Olympias being a crazy snake-lady. And Cassandra being incredibly kickass. . . . okay, so there's been a lot of little liberties taken with this, but overall it's historically accurate! Unfortunately, I know that Alexander's going to end up with Roxanne, because it's historically accurate. I haven't seen very much of her so far, but what I've seen I don't particularly like. Anyone who stares off into the distance after dangerous, mysterious men (who saw you naked and then pinned you down and covered your mouth) and says, "His skin smelled so sweet. . ." just. . . argh. They get a black mark in my book. Even if said men are hot, sexy, and incredibly cool. But--but Alexander's sleeping with the harpist, whatshisname! I seriously can't ever remember his name because they address him so rarely, but he kicks so much ass it's not even funny. I think he spoke two lines in the four episodes that I watched, but every time he was on screen I squealed because I knew that he was going to prod buttock. And now, this next blurb on I My Me is going to be blanked out because it is SPOILERIFIC. In the tradition of shoujo anime, like, everywhere, I My Me has a wonderfully messed up love polygon going. Too bad I can't remember anyone's names. Fujio has a crush on Akira, who has a crush on Fuko, who thinks she's in love with Hibiki, their teacher. Because of this, Fuko thinks she's weird, because Hibiki's a girl--but in actuality, she's not, Hibiki's actually a guy disguised as a woman. Fuko just doesn't know. And Hibiki, meanwhile, seems to be falling in love (or like, or lust, or whatever) with Fuko as well, but he knows it's wrong because he's a teacher and she's a student. I really do not like the direction the series has taken with this whole Hibiki/Fuko thing. There's something in me that just thinks teacher/student relationships are wrong. Not necessarily in the case of college or university students, perhaps, since at that point the professors and the students should be on an equal level (but then, some of the professors are much older than the students, so maybe that's not "okay," either). But anyway, I think teacher/student relationships are unethical. You may say that if it's consensual and that if the student fancies him/herself "in love" with the teacher, then it's all fine and dandy. But, er, no. Besides the legal issues (statutory rape, anyone?), I think it makes the students lose enormous respect for the teacher, and furthermore, I think it breaks the trust that teachers and students are supposed to have in each other. Not that I want to place teachers on a pedestal and dehumanize them, but they are supposed to be people that students can talk to and trust, at least in the workplace. I don't think any student can do that if said teacher's sleeping with a fifteen-year old on the side. Teachers are human and as such have their faults, but they're supposed to at least maintain that image. But if you think I'm wrong, well, you're welcome to dispute it. But, anyway, moving on. Yeah, I hope nothing comes of the Hibiki/Fuko angle. Although it did break my heart just a little in that one scene where Fuko was about to declare her feelings. Hibiki knew what was coming and turned away before Fuko could finish her sentence. As for Spriggan, uh, BLAUGH. Saturday, February 15, 2003 [link] 05:02 p.m. listening to: "As I Went Down in the River to Pray" - O Brother, Where Art Thou? I just watched Naruto 19. It made me cry. What the hell? When did I become such a girl? And I already knew what was going to happen, too! But seeing it animated and hearing the music. . . argh. SPOILER. I wanted to see Zabuza take off Gatoh's head, dammit, like he did in the manga. But pitching him off the bridge was pretty good. Friday, February 14, 2003 [link] 02:52 p.m. listening to: my cousin playing SimCity 4 So, today is Valentine's Day, and I am still happily single. Yes, I know, Valentine's day is designed to make single people feel unwanted and worthless, but you know what? I really don't care, this time around. In fact, my major irritation was probably the sheer amounts of red in the air, from roses to balloons to boxes of chocolate. That and the people cuddling and kissing everywhere. Maybe it's just me, but I find that very. . . augh. Public displays of affection just make me want to get as far away as possible from the slobbering. And now, for my List of Reasons Why I'm Happy to Be Single. I'm already quite busy. I like having "me" time. I like hanging out with my friends. I don't have enough free time as it is. I don't like being tied down to people or places. I don't like other people being tied to me. I don't want to have to worry about other people. I want to concentrate on worrying about myself. I don't like public displays of affection. I don't like engaging in public displays of affection. I don't need or want presents. I don't need or want to have to give presents to other people. I like being independent. I don't want to be emotionally dependent on other people. I don't need or want the emotional baggage that comes with a relationship. I don't have the time or energy to be committed to someone right now. I don't have the money to be committed to someone right now. In short, I'm simply Not Interested. I don't feel "incomplete" in any way, shape, or form. I don't feel the need to have someone to "lean on," and I certainly don't want people leaning on me. I have enough trouble staying on my own two feet as it is. I'm sure the day will come when I'll fall head over heels "in love" and then I'll be just as sappy and romantic as everyone else, although I can't imagine what that day'll be like when it comes. Until then, I'm satisfied. Maybe I'll celebrate Lupercalia instead. But that would involve being flagellated with goatskin, so maybe not. Thursday, February 13, 2003 [link] 03:48 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist Pollworked for the school Youth In Government elections today. Good God. It was simultaneously more boring and more hectic than the county elections. It was more boring because I just didn't have anything to do in those long lapses between the rushes other than talk to my peers. Which was fine, except that sometimes what my peers talk about just isn't interesting to me. Then the government and history classes would come in and we'd be trying to attend to sixty people at once, and then we'd have another half hour of ennui. My biggest peeve was probably that people kept treating me like I didn't know what I was doing despite my having been a poll clerk twice (and through the Precinct From Hell, too). The girl who'd been appointed City Clerk was a junior who hadn't even worked the polls before. Good grief. Not that she wasn't capable; she was capable, although at times she was also frustratingly clueless. Poor girl seemed more stressed than anything, actually, and I don't blame her at all. But the good news is, I don't have any homework now! Well, unless I want to get ahead on my Econ reading. That sounds good. Wednesday, February 12, 2003 [link] 03:59 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist It's still raining. It doesn't rain much in SoCal, but when it rains, it pours buckets for days without stopping at all. It's expected to rain like this until Friday, at least. Blarg. So, today's just been one of those days. I'm so tired right now that I'm beginning to think I'm actually a parakeet or something, but I can't take a nap because I have so much farking work to do. Argh. I really have no problem with rain. Rain is fine. I like rain, as a matter of fact. I love water. I'm a hydrophiliac. But after a while, there comes a point where I'm sick of being wet. So, today at lunch, I get soaked going the fifty yards or so to the lunch line. After obtaining my lunch, I get further soaked getting from the old campus (where the cafeteria is) to the new campus (where I usually eat). When I finally make the hundred or so yards to the new campus, dripping wet, I meet Rebecca in the halls. She asks, "Aren't you taking yearbook photos in the gym?" I utter an expletive, go with Rebecca (who kindly shelters me somewhat with her umbrella) to the big gym, only to find that the sole club I'm really participating in this year isn't taking photos. I utter another expletive, make my way back to the classrooms. When I sit down, someone asks me something about economics, and that reminds me that crap, I have to take an economics test at lunch today! I grab my soaked, uneaten lunch and hightail it down to my economics class, where I simultaneously bolt my food and take my test. I think I didn't fail. I finished just as the bell rang, chucked my tray in the trash can, turned in my test, and then shuffled quickly upstairs where I proceeded to fail my Biology quiz. Yay. The most amusing thing throughout the whole day was probably the flooding of the campus. Our campus has always had, er, a slightly flooding problem. The ground isn't even all the way around (of course, as in all outdoor campuses), so you get these gigantic puddles that are maybe twenty feet across. There's another gigantic puddle where approximately the southwest corner of the new parking lot is, which we affectionately refer to as "Lake Gabrielino." It's about fifty feet across and probably about a foot deep in the worst parts. They do their best to pump it out and keep it from getting bigger, but today the pump either broke or ran out of gas and they had to take it out. As a result, the puddle grew so big that it basically made a swift-running "moat" about six inches deep around the new gymnasium, cutting off the new campus from the old campus. Runoff from the Lake flooded the old campus as well, so that the entire north side of campus was covered with at least an inch of water. They put in these wooden ramp-type things so that kids don't have to slosh through the water to get to class, but by lunchtime they were submerged. I came home and found that, amazingly, the leaks in the computer room had stopped. But there was a new leak in the hallway. It doesn't appear to be dripping anymore, but I put a tub under it anyway in case it stops again. And now I have to read twenty pages on Mendelian genetics. Tweet tweet. |
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