Colored Ink
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about me name: n/aaliases: kit, kits, kit kat, the smart girl, foxay, an chin age: 18 location: socal, usa hobbies: anime, manga, reading, writing, doodling, video games, french horn likes: all of the above, being lazy, mushrooms, cheese, animals, laughing loudly in public dislikes: nuts, stinging/biting insects, religious fanatics, violence, olives contact: coloredink@mailcity add .com wishlist playstation 2car summer job a good night's sleep money stress-free life trigun dvd box set realistic wishlist dayworld by philip josé farmerkabuki by david mack long-term obsessions anime/mangayaoi/shounenai clamp music animals life and living video games current obsession(s) schoolap tests currently reading nothing newcurrently playing dark cloud 2ffx currently watching hana yori dango (20)utena (23) gto tv (27) mirage of blaze (6) witch hunter robin (18) weiß kreuz gluhen (8) naruto (30) wolf's rain (12) i my me strawberry eggs (9) get backers (23) rose of versailles (16) |
Sunday, May 11, 2003 [link] 03:27 p.m. listening to: "True Light" - Irino Miyu Just got back from the last PYMA concert of the year. It went reasonably well. It was a very relaxed kind of concert, actually, and it was held in the small, informal Harbeson Hall rather than the huge, intimidating Sexson Hall. The theme was Mother's Day, so they were giving away free carnations and whatnot. I got two, because apparently they were desperately trying to get rid of all the carnations after the concert. ^^ I also got a free CD of PYMO's performance of Lord of the Rings last year. w00t. Angela (oboe player) gave me Altoids. I admitted to never having Altoids before, which led her and Amy (cello player) to declare me inhuman. According to them, Altoids are the pinnacle of civilization. Matt Peebles is starring in a short film of some sort about a young man who goes to Julliard. So, er, naturally he's perfect for the role. Poor guy gets put on the spot a lot. He was part of a string quartet performance during the concert, and I was very near, but he was sitting with his back to me so that I couldn't see his face. I wish I could've seen his face. I want to know what he looks like when he plays. After the performance, there was this little mini presentation to what was supposedly the only senior in PYMA. I was a little disappointed, but mostly amused, considering how many times I've been overlooked. Is there something really ordinary about my name that just slips the mind? Afterwards, Ms. Stoup asked if I was auditioning for PYMO next year, and I said I wasn't, because I was going to college. She looked very amazed, and I said yes, I'm a senior, and then she said, "Roberta [Wilcox] didn't know that. That's terrible." I didn't know if she was referring to Ms. Wilcox's oversight or my being a senior. o_O It's really hot out today. I think California's finally making its mind up as to what season it is. Bleh. The AP Bio test is tomorrow, and somehow I can't bring myself to care anymore. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. Happy Mother's Day to my mom, too. My feelings toward her are lukewarm at best, but, well, she tries. So Happy Mother's Day to you, Mom. [Edit: Don't mix medications. This is something they tell you not to do, and for good reason. I took a nasal decongestent/antihistamine and a sleep aid last night before going to bed, and. . . okay, so it didn't really do anything to me besides, uh, be completely ineffective in the area of actually getting me to sleep/stay asleep. And give me dry mouth when I woke up. I'm still thirsty. And sleepy, too.] Saturday, May 10, 2003 [link] 11:51 p.m. listening to: nothing I have a concert tomorrow. I left my horn at school. Fortunately, Mr. Edo is a wonderful, wonderful man and I love him and he's going to be at school tomorrow so I can get my horn. Saturday, May 10, 2003 [link] 11:47 a.m. listening to: the washing machine in the background Yeah, so I woke up this morning to check on the progress of the defragmentation of my hard drive, only to discover that it hadn't started because it didn't have enough space to work. That is to say, there were only four gigs of free space left on my hard drive. So I'm currently in the process of burning a big chunk of anime to CD. I need a new hard drive. Okay, so I don't need a new hard drive, but one would be nice. Like, 120 gigs or something. Or I could just stop downloading so much damn anime, but it's a horrible, horrible addiction and I can't stop. Friday, May 9, 2003 [link] 09:55 p.m. listening to: mahjong in the background Woke up this morning feeling great. I was taking a shower and grinning like a loon simply because I felt well. I think these past few days of rest doing absolutely nothing has done me a lot of good. Rebecca came over to study for AP Bio, which unfortunately we ended up doing very little of. I think we spent more time playing video games. We managed to go over some stuff on cellular metabolism and protein synthesis, which we're both very weak on, but there's a lot of other stuff we need to cover. She's going to come over again tomorrow, and sweartagawd we will study. Even though, like, I don't think I'm going to pass the test at all. Le sigh. I have an earache now, though. I hope that isn't an indication of something. Controversy seems to have been a subject lately among some of my friends, and I guess I might as well put in my two cents: I think it's part of the territory. If you put your thoughts, your views, your ideas online, you open yourself up to anything from attacks to praise to plagiarism. You can gripe about "netiquette" and courtesy all you like, but there are always going to be idiots in the world who don't have these things, and they're the ones who're going to ruin it for the rest of us. This is true in real life as well as online. When I was younger and more hot-blooded, I got involved in some heated debates and all-out flamewars. Not over my blog, though; I don't think anything I say on my blog is really worth a flame or even a heated comment. My life is boring, and if I share something I think is controversial, I try to fully explain myself in order to avoid misunderstanding. Besides which, I don't have comments on my blog--in order to disagree with me over something, you have to email me, and I guess that takes more courage. I've met some really intelligent and wonderful people through this blog, though, and I really can't imagine life without them anymore. Which probably says something about how much time I spend online, but I don't believe I regret any of it. Friday, May 9, 2003 [link] 01:38 a.m. listening to: "Ghost" - Indigo Girls It is late and I am tired, but I slept too much today (er, yesterday) and so now I am not ready for bed. So instead, I boil frozen dumplings and eat them. Mmmm, vegetable dumplings. So addictive. They're probably full of MSG or something. I am going to talk about random things now. I get random emails, occasionally, from total strangers. This is always surprising, but flattering, because I am an attention whore and I wither and die if I don't get any attention. Er, I mean. . . I love getting email and meeting new people. Yes. That's right. And it's always nice when someone has something to say about what I said. It makes me wish that pitas had a comment feature. I don't seem to do very much ranting on my blog anymore. I don't know how I feel about this. I'm not sure people want to see me bitch and moan about my life on my blog anyway--although, like I sometimes say, why care about other people think? This is my blog and I shall bitch and moan if I want to. Heck, I'll talk about porn if I want to, but I have shame, so I don't. Not that there's much to say about porn, I suppose. But the lack of ranting is probably just an expression of how content I am with my life at the moment. My college is set, my financial aid is set, I don't have any problems at home. . . life is just peachy, actually. I wouldn't venture to say that I'm happy, because a movie I saw in Berkeley (Better Luck Tomorrow, perhaps you've heard of it) pointed out that happiness is a trap and I realized it was true. But I'm pretty damn content. I suppose I'll talk about popularity now. Some people think I'm cool. Or smart. Or funny. This always surprises me, because I think I'm pretty damn loud and obnoxious a good deal of the time. I also think I'm really stupid, but maybe this comes from living with my father, who is an abnormally smart man. Actually, my entire family is composed of really intelligent people, so I often feel like I'm the "black sheep" in comparison. Most of my friends also tend to be incredibly intellectual people, to the point where I sometimes find them intimidating, so this doesn't lend any credibility to my so-called intelligence, either. Not that, I suppose, I should compare myself to other people in terms of intelligence. Some people are better at one thing than others, some people are more talented than others, and someone can be perfectly intelligent but not very knowledgeable due to lack of experience and what have you. My father's an incredibly smart guy and could probably do advanced calculus in his sleep, but he doesn't know how to tie a neck-tie. He wears clip-ons. But it's very difficult to not compare yourself to others in terms of intelligence. How do you tell if you're "smart" otherwise? It's difficult to judge yourself based on your own merits if you don't know whether or not they're merits in the first place. I think it's stupid to judge your self-worth based on your GPA, but that seems to be the way it works. Then it comes down to standards. Some people are happy with a 3.0; some people are appalled. That's the way it works. Some people are delighted by a 1200 SAT score. Some people are disappointed. And I don't see the point in trying to be "cool." Doesn't being "cool" mean that you exude some kind of aura of coolness? I always thought "cool" people weren't defined by the way they dressed or what brand of cigarette they smoked but simply by who they were. Someone who's cool doesn't need to set up a facade; he just acts like himself and people fawn all over him. Or her. It's kind of unfair, actually, that there's no recipe for coolness. It just is. Aw hell, I'm not cut out for Deep and Meaningful Thoughts at one-thirty in the morning. I should just go play video games or something. Friday, May 9, 2003 [link] 12:57 a.m. listening to: "Ghost" - Indigo Girls I broke down and got a xanga. I'm so weak. But I was really sick of not being able to comment on other people's entries. So, uh, don't expect any breaking news on my xanga or anything. Having two blogs for two aspects of my life is enough for me. And besides, I find xanga really awkward to navigate. ^^ Thursday, May 8, 2003 [link] 06:25 p.m. listening to: nothing I always feel just a little bit better after waking up, but spending an extended period of time vertical seems to make me feel worse. Which means, of course, that I should stay in bed, but I hate staying in bed. I haven't been this sick in a long time and I hate it. I feel like I've let myself down. And also, I am hungry but fear eating, because eating anything of substance seems to make me puke. My dad said, just now, with the air of a man having a revelation, "I think you're sick." I'm glad he's so intelligent. Thursday, May 8, 2003 [link] 12:46 p.m. listening to: "Dies Irae" - Libera I feel slightly better. Actually, I feel like death warmed over, which is an improvement over yesterday, where I felt like I was dying. . . . okay, so that's an exaggeration. But more to the point, I feel like fit company today, and I think I'm actually able to eat now. Wednesday, May 7, 2003 [link] 07:23 p.m. listening to: "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - Bonnie Tyler You know, I think one of the ultimate signs of real affection is your partner's willingness to hold your hair out of the way while you're puking into the toilet. In other news, I went out for Mediterranean food today and enjoyed everything except the main course, I feel nauseous again (damn, and I was hoping that hunger was a good sign), and I have a headache and I am going to go take a nap. As soon as Rachel gets back to me on how long she's going to be online, as we have an assignment we need to do together. Fuck, my head hurts. Wednesday, May 7, 2003 [link] 03:36 p.m. listening to: nothing I feel better now. Was twitchy and anxious for most of the morning. Couldn't stand the thought of riding my bike to school and ended up getting a ride from Rachel's mother. We were a few minutes late, but I didn't care. Felt nauseous all day. Sometimes I was fine, and then sometimes I'd find myself gagging and wondering if I should run to the bathroom. Didn't actually vomit, but I wonder if the nausea's an indication of actual illness or a physiological reaction to the dream (I actually did go and have dry heaves over the toilet in the middle of the night, before crawling back under the covers and wondering if I dared fall asleep). When you're young and you have a nightmare, you can run to your parents and tell them about your dream and they'll hold you and say it's all better. But when you're an adult, and you sleep alone, what do you do? But I feel better now. I came home to an empty house, but there were chocolates, and chocolates make everything better. I remembered more of the dream, throughout the day. I am dying. I don't know how I know, but I am dying, I am sure of it, and I don't want to die alone. I want my friends around me. So I'm desperately seeking someone who will hold my hand, to sit beside me as I pass, but no one will listen. No one believes me. "No, it's okay," they say. "I'm sure you're not dying." Some of them don't even see me. They look right through me, as if I'm not even there. So I die alone. I can feel the light slipping away and then there is only cold dark emptiness like drowning but worse because drowning is something that ends eventually and this doesn't this is forever this is infinite this is nothing stretching away and I am alone for the rest of eternity oh god please dont let me die alone im so afraid Wednesday, May 7, 2003 [link] 06:51 a.m. listening to: nothing I don't normally have nightmares. That is, I don't normally have the ones you read/hear about, the ones where you wake up gasping, sweating, shaking, and afraid. I've had some disturbing dreams, but not ones like the one I mentioned above. Not ones where I wake up curled in a ball underneath the covers wishing that daylight would come or that someone would tell me it was all right. I had one last night. I don't even remember what it was about, only that it woke me up and I was suddenly afraid that I was alone, and I couldn't really fall back to sleep again. I think it had something to do with dying. And being alone. Dying alone. God, I don't want to ride my bike to school today. Or even go to school, but that's another matter altogether. Tuesday, May 6, 2003 [link] 04:38 p.m. listening to: "Requiem Mass" - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Ditched school today and saw X2. No, I didn't ditch school specifically to see the movie, it just ended up that way. . . . I'm not sure that I can say anything about the movie that hasn't already been said. I mean, I could wax about Nightcrawler for days, as many people have, but. And, yes, I hear that Gambit has been cast as one James Bamford. Scroll down far enough and you'll see that he's listed as Gambit - stunt actor. I'm not sure whether this means he's actually going to be playing Gambit, or if he's just going to be Gambit's stuntman. ^^;; The imdb has him listed as Remy LeBeau/Gambit, though. It's a sad, sad indication of what fangirls we are that when he saw his name (when Mystique is looking stuff up on computers), Rachel and I squealed and thrashed. I almost failed to notice Methos. I'm ashamed of myself. Tuesday, May 6, 2003 [link] 01:51 a.m. listening to: "Mercy Street" - Virginia Gentlemen I am very sleepy, and I have an Amazing Fact to reveal: Most of the time, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just winging it. This includes tests. If it seems like I'm going really quickly, it's because I read quickly. And also because I tend to lose interest halfway through tests (I'm serious; I've been known to nearly fall asleep halfway through long tests, like 60+ problems), so I try to answer as many questions as quickly as possible before I, er, begin to get sleepy. Just in case people are amazed at how fast I finished the AP Lit test. Trust me, the speed at which someone completes a test is no measure of their level of confidence. A person who finishes really quickly might have guessed on every other problem, for all you know. I think I sound amazingly lucid for someone who's on the verge of falling asleep in her chair. Monday, May 5, 2003 [link] 02:23 p.m. listening to: chatter in the media center OH YEAH, SWEET VICTORY, BABY! In other words, I think I 0wnz0r3d the AP Lit test. Which means, of course, that I got a 3, because whenever I think I did well it usually means that I did poorly. But, I think I did well. Oh, let it be a 5! I want it to be a 5! The test was absurdly easy. No poems. Well, there was a passage from something that looked an awful lot like Shakespeare, and there was something similar-to-a-poem that I didn't like at all. There were two story/essay excerpts. Nothing in really archaic langauge (such as, say, Francis Bacon). It was fine. It was easier than the SAT II Literature test I took last year. For one thing, there were maybe like three questions that had anything to do with literary terms, and only one of them was one of those pick-the-literary-term-used-in-this-line. The other two were more like, "identify which line held the paradox." The essays? The essays were sweet. Or, rather, sw33t. The first one was a compare/contrast between two poems about Eros. Okay, no problem. The next one was a short story excerpt, discuss how narrative voice/characterization was used to create social commentary blah blah. Ehn. The third one made me happy. I grinned like an idiot when I read it. The prompt was, basically, "Write an essay about one or more works of literary merit about how the suffering the tragic hero causes to those around them enhances the tragic voice of the work." It was, like, my dream essay topic. Hamlet wasn't one of the suggested pieces, but I used it anyway. I unintentionally freaked some people out during the test. I was using one of those "uniball" pens, see, the ones that are very inky and black and photocopy well but bleed through the paper. Since, er, aggravating your readers is never a good thing, I wrote on one side of the paper in the booklet. I ran out on my last essay and had to ask for more paper, which caused some people to look at me strangely. ^^ Then I had to ask for another pen, since my faithful pen decided at that moment to die on me and I wasn't allowed to open my backpack and get another one. My poor pen. Then I ate lunch, then went to Biology where I got to write more essays, only these essays sucked because I don't know the first thing about Biology. Argh. |
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