about me
name: n/aaliases: kit, kits, kit kat, the smart girl, foxay, an chin
age: 17
location: socal, usa
hobbies: anime, manga, reading, writing, doodling, video games, french horn
likes: all of the above, being lazy, mushrooms, cheese, animals, laughing loudly in public
dislikes: nuts, stinging/biting insects, religious fanatics, violence, olives
contact: coloredink@mailcity add .com
wishlist
playstation 220-30 gig hard drive
car
summer job
a good night's sleep
money
stress-free life
trigun dvd box set
realistic wishlist
dayworld by philip josé farmerkabuki by david mack
over the rhine cd
moxy fruvous cd
hellsing dvd box set
long-term obsessions
anime/mangayaoi/shounenai
clamp
music
animals
life and living
video games
current obsession(s)
schoolcollege
currently reading
the picture of dorian gray by oscar wildecurrently playing
ffviiiffx
currently watching
hana yori dango (20)gravitation oav (1)
ayashi no ceres (11)
utena (16)
rayearth (8)
gto tv (15)
ccs tv (19?)
mirage of blaze (6)
star ocean ex (22)
.hack//sign (7)
01:06 a.m.
listening to: ditto
What's YOUR Writing Style?
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. . . this should come as a surprise to no one.
Sunday, November 10, 2002 [link]
12:48 a.m.
listening to: "Hotel California" - The Eagles
Yes, I'm still listening to this song.
Competition at Capistrano Valley High School today. We were judged purely on music because of rain (the stadium was basically underwater), which was advantageous for us because we're very musical, but have us march and play and we forget all sense of dynamics. Unfortunately, half the band screwed up the slow horns up going into an abbreviated version of Simple Gifts because we hadn't practiced that very much. So that sucked. But music-wise, I thought it was excellent. Unfortunately, we didn't place, although percussion and auxilary got third place trophies.
I got home about half an hour ago and devoured half a Hawaiian chicken. Good stuff. Some of the best chicken I ever had. Mmmm.
Esperanza High School had an amazing show. I'm going to blurb it now while it's still fresh in my mind.
The theme of the show was a storm. I have no idea what songs they played, unfortunately, because we were unable to get ahold of a program, but it was some damn good music. Their guard had rainsticks. It began with the slow fall of rain, the tilt of the rainsticks, and the slow, melodic piping of a Native American flute. Then the band came in, something slow and subtle and powerful, the inexorable move of the clouds. The second song was the crashing of the storm itself, loud and angry and majestic, with storm-colored flags that rippled and shimmered like lightning-bellies. The pit actually had some sheet metal or something that emulated the sound of thunder. It was awesome in the old-fashioned sense of the word. The final song was the end of the storm, silver flags to signify the melting of the clouds, then gold as the sun rose. It was quiet and beautiful and sweet, and you could feel the world breathing in relief as the storm passed away.
It was beautiful.
Friday, November 8, 2002 [link]
10:56 p.m.
listening to: "Closing Time" - Leonard Cohen/"The Man Who Sold the World" - David Bowie
Life is good! Practice was canceled today due to rain, so I was able to go home and sleep. Sleep is good. I've been feeling myself sickening these past few days, and I'm hoping to stave it off until after Saturday, because being sick during a field show competition would, ah, suck. The AP Bio midterm has been pushed back to Wednesday because I think Dr. Jang would like it if some of us passed the midterm.
I am going to attempt to get downtown this weekend, seeing as how my copy of Gohou Drug 2 came in. MUST. ATTAIN.
So tired. I go bed now.
Friday, November 8, 2002 [link]
06:20 a.m.
listening to: nothing
I feel much better. I really enjoyed Homecoming last night, despite it being a Thursday game (Thursday football games are a thing of the devil, I tell you). Cheering up means I can actually write again; when I'm depressed or in an otherwise terrible mood, the voices in my head are silent, which tends to make me more depressed. But now that I'm feeling better my mind is whirring with snippets and bits of dialogue again, which is very cheering.
It's raining, which helps. I love rain.
I've woken up with a sore throat for the past two days, which is usually an indication that I'm getting sick. I'm hoping that the writing on the wall is wrong this time, or that it'll at least hold off until after the competition tomorrow. ^^
Thursday, November 7, 2002 [link]
02:12 p.m.
listening to: "The Man Who Sold the World" - David Bowie
Okay, I said I wasn't going to angst about school anymore, but I lied. If I don't whine about it here, where am I going to whine about it? Not that I have any right to whine, since the major problems I'm dealing with are a) money, b) grades, and c) stress from the aforementioned two, and that's what everyone has to deal with. So there's no reason for me to bitch, but I'm going to anyway.
Mr. Edo cut the show's fourth song today, Simple Gifts, which was not only my favorite song but the one I had a solo in. I'm not upset with Mr. Edo, who had very valid reasons, although I am upset with the decision and the reasons for it (such as, say, the band not watching and not doing what they're told). It's unlikely that he'll reverse it, since we only have two weeks left in field show season.
You know, I remember when I was considered "smart." My brain broke or something this year. I remember when I could walk into a classroom and feel confident that I knew the material. I remember when teachers could not get me to shut up. Now when I get into a classroom I just kind of sit down, shut up, and hope that I don't get reamed. I spend the school day in kind of a low-level panic, then go home and spend the rest of the day studying in a kind of low-level depression.
Well, not really depression; it's more like a case of the blues. It's not the kind of depression that keeps me from functioning; it's what I call "cheerful depression" where I'm blithely resigned to the fact that I'm stupid and worthless and boy I'd really like to cry right now but I don't have time for that because I need to finish reading this chapter on Congress! I'm fine as long as I don't turn to drinking or cutting myself.
And I still have to do my college applications. Argh. My life has just become one gigantic morass of suck or something.
I passed the Bio test yesterday with a 4. Dr. Jang kept pointing me out in class today (was I the only one with a 4 or something?), especially after I located and read the paragraph that answered one of the test questions that nearly everyone had gotten wrong. I think everyone hates me now. ^^
Wednesday, November 6, 2002 [link]
08:53 p.m.
listening to: "Requiem Mass" - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
I've been so freaking depressed lately and I don't even know why. Most of it's stress, I'm sure, from schoolwork and college applications, and the AP Club thing is not helping. I just really, really hate myself right now. I have virtually no problems but I whine about them anyway. I also hate that I've somehow been sucked into the stupid idea that GPA == self-worth, and that if you have better grades, you're a better person. Which is complete and utter bullshit, of course, but that's the way it seems to run in this country. I'm also a craven, materialistic bitch who has lost touch with the important things in life that can't be bought with money.
I want to write, but I don't have the time or energy. **cry**
pleasekillmenow
Wednesday, November 6, 2002 [link]
06:33 p.m.
listening to: "Hotel California" - The Eagles
I CAN'T STOP LISTENING TO THIS SONG.
And also, I have a Biology midterm next Tuesday! I am going to die! Yippee-skippy!
Dr. Jang gave us a "pop quiz" today. That is, he gave us a test on chapters thirty-four and thirty-five. I think everyone in the class except maybe three people failed it, because some people hadn't even read the chapters yet. Jesus H. Christ, that was not cool. I was extremely fortunate to have read the chapters while pollworking yesterday, so maybe I passed it. Maybe. **cry**
But the good news is, I have Officially Finished my personal statement. At least, Ms. Borja says so, and I'll just take her word for it. It seems to be on par with several of the personal statements that got people accepted into Stanford, so I'm hoping it'll be good enough to get me into, say, Pitzer despite my not-stellar academic performance and my sad, sorry lack of extracurricular activities. Not that I have anything against community college, but I'd rather not end up going to one. As Rachel said, it is Gabrielino continued, and I've had enough of high school.
Tuesday, November 5, 2002 [link]
09:23 p.m.
listening to: "Dona Dona" - Joan Baez
Worked the polls today. It went pretty smoothly; we had to issue a few provisional ballots, nothing major. Well, there was one small crisis with an angry voter this morning who had had to call the polling people once already to find her new polling place after she moved, and then refused to vote using a provisional ballot. We eventually found her new address in the very back of the roster, and she calmed down pretty quickly and apologized. It was cool. I felt sorry for her, actually; she was apparently caught in the throes of a really bad flu and had to go to work afterwards.
I have never spoken so much Mandarin in one day. I tend to avoid speaking Chinese whenever possible because, uh, I suck and Chinese people make fun of me. But today I received several comments on my horribly hacked-up, ungrammatical Mandarin simply because it enabled people to vote. ^^;; I felt sorry for this one couple where the husband obviously wanted to vote but the wife did not. She was able to vote, but for some reason the husband wasn't on the roster, and he didn't have any proof of his current address. He wanted to go home and get some because he wanted to vote, but the wife was impatient and wanted to get out of there. "I didn't want to vote anyway!" she snapped. "But we're Americans now!" he protested. "We should vote!" She eventually harassed him into leaving. I felt pretty bad about it, especially since afterwards I realized that she could have signed the envelope swearing that she knew where he lived. Argh.
I did a lot of doodling. My fellow clerks really liked my embarrassingly bad doodles. They weren't even pseudo-serious doodles; I was just fooling around. I also read chapters thirty-four and thirty-five for Biology. I wish I'd had the foresight to bring my Government book home from school; I could have read that, too.
So sleepy. Must read for Government now.
Monday, November 4, 2002 [link]
07:51 p.m.
listening to: "Hotel California" - The Eagles
I am fucking sick and tired of fighting the administration. I spent twenty minutes arguing with Mr. Crist today over why we should have an AP club while he explained why we should not. So after a while it was basically circular and went something like this:
Him: It's not necessary. I mean, to have a club purely for fundraising--
Me: It's not just for fundraising! We'll have study groups and help each other and--
Him: Well, teachers are supposed to do all that.
Me: **thinking** Yes. Right. Overworked, underpaid teachers who have a hundred other students to worry about besides their oversized AP classes.
Him: And we have federal grants and programs to help kids whose parents don't make enough money.
Me: Yes, but what about those kids whose parents make just about the line?
Him: Well, those kids just need to face reality. They have to learn make decisions and prioritize. We all have to make those decision, both now and in college and in life. Don't go to that movie this weekend. Don't buy new clothes. Get a job.
Me: **thinking** Yes. Right. Kids taking four AP classes really have the time for a job or to go to the movies.
Him: I'm sure it isn't that bad. They're just stretched. A wealthy family who has to pay thirty-thousand dollars for their son to go to college is just as stretched as a poor family who's sending their son to college on financial aid.
Eventually, I will have to learn which battles I just can't win. There comes a point when it's just not worth the time and effort. Something tells me this should be one of those times. But goddammit, I'm too stubborn and spiteful to just give up. The problem is that I need people behind me; people who are equally motivated and who aren't afraid to give the administration some trouble. Where the hell am I going to find people like that?
. . . I know you're out there. Tell me that you want to be the reinforcements.
Monday, November 4, 2002 [link]
07:51 p.m.
listening to: "Hotel California" - The Eagles
I am fucking sick and tired of fighting the administration. I spent twenty minutes arguing with Mr. Crist today over why we should have an AP club while he explained why we should not. So after a while it was basically circular and went something like this:
Him: It's not necessary. I mean, to have a club purely for fundraising--
Me: It's not just for fundraising! We'll have study groups and help each other and--
Him: Well, teachers are supposed to do all that.
Me: **thinking** Yes. Right. Overworked, underpaid teachers who have a hundred other students to worry about besides their oversized AP classes.
Him: And we have federal grants and programs to help kids whose parents don't make enough money.
Me: Yes, I know, I get those waivers, but what about those kids whose parents make just about the line?
Him: Well, those kids just need to face reality. They have to learn make decisions and prioritize. We all have to make those decision, both now and in college and in life. Don't go to that movie this weekend. Don't buy new clothes. Get a job.
Me: **thinking** Yes. Right. Kids taking four AP classes really have the time for a job or to go to the movies.
Him: I'm sure it isn't that bad. They're just stretched. A wealthy family who has to pay thirty-thousand dollars for their son to go to college is just as stretched as a poor family who's sending their son to college on financial aid.
Eventually, I will have to learn which battles I just can't win. There comes a point when it's just not worth the time and effort. Something tells me this should be one of those times. But goddammit, I'm too stubborn and spiteful to just give up. The problem is that I need people behind me; people who are equally motivated and who aren't afraid to give the administration some trouble. Where the hell am I going to find people like that?
. . . I know you're out there. Tell me that you want to be the reinforcements.
Sunday, November 3, 2002 [link]
10:23 p.m.
listening to: "Happier" - Guster
If my grades experience a sudden drop, don't worry, it's only Kingdom Hearts.
I will now proceed to give my opinion of the game, spoiler-free. Currently, we (Siean and I) are three worlds into the game (Traverse Town, Wonderland, and the Coliseum). We are both of the opinion that the game is massively fun. Games should not be that addictive; it inhibits us from getting on with our lives.
Yes, the jumping sucks ass. Siean says this is because there's no shadow under Sora when he jumps, which makes it difficult to judge where you're going to land. The camera also has a habit of moving at inopportune times. But both of these complaints have already been discussed thoroughly by others, so I won't dwell on it any longer.
No, I was not put off by the fact that it is a Disney/Squaresoft game. Actually, that was what drew me to the game in the first place. The concept was just so intriguing. An acquaintance pointed out that Kingdom Hearts is Disney being treated seriously for once, and I have to agree. When was the last time Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck was in a "serious" game? When was the last time they were in a game that wasn't for children six and under?
I have no problems with the voice acting. As a matter of fact, I think most of the voice acting is excellent, probably because Disney is loaded and can hire people who can act. I did not have any problems with Squall being voiced by whatshisface, probably because I have never watched Buffy and therefore don't know what Angel sounds like. But whatever the reasons may be, I thought Squall's voice had the proper degree of coldness and stoicism. I always expected Cloud to have a deeper voice, somehow, so the voice they gave him made me blink. But so far none of the voices have made me want to claw my eardrums out, and that's good enough for me. ^^;;
I love Riku. You all saw this coming.
The controls take a little getting used to. I dislike not being able to use the directional pad, and Siean and I must have spent a good chunk of time just wondering why the characters weren't moving before we realized it was because we were hitting the d-pad. So, it takes some getting used to, but once you do it's fairly simple. Gummi ship travel is amazingly fun; I've been begging Siean to let me do it ever since he first told me to take over because he was eating dinner. Siean refers to to it as the Lego ship.
In conclusion, I think the positive reviews for Kingdom Hearts has been fairly justified. I was actually surprised by how deep the game is. It's not FFX in terms of story, but it's not the childish plot I was expecting. The Disney characters probably biased my expectations. Anyway, the story (what I've seen of it) isn't really something I'd expect six-year olds to be able to handle or understand. Actually, I don't think six-year olds could handle the gameplay, either. ^^;; I've noticed that most of the seriousness seems to come from the Squaresoft side (Sora, Riku, Kairi) while most of the comic relief seems to come from the Disney side (Donald and Goofy). But this is probably because, well, Donald and Goofy have never been serious characters. The villains, however, probably do Disney the most credit. They've always come up with excellent villains.
Anyway. Yes. Fun, fun game, mostly from the gameplay perspective. The plot hasn't really taken off yet, but who needs plot when you're having this much fun?
Sunday, November 3, 2002 [link]
02:34 p.m.
listening to: "Wish (Komm Zu Mir)" - Lola Rennt soundtrack
I would like to take a moment to delve in self-pity and say that I am a hopelessly inferior being. Whatever good qualities I have are trivial and useless and I will never amount to anything significant. Everyone is better than me at everything and there is no need for me whatsoever because I quite plainly suck. I am, apparently, committed to mediocrity. I will never be good enough.
. . . I so don't want to go to PYMA rehearsal today.
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