Colored Ink
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about me name: n/aaliases: kit, kits, kit kat, the smart girl, foxay, an chin age: 18 location: socal, usa hobbies: anime, manga, reading, writing, doodling, video games, french horn likes: all of the above, being lazy, mushrooms, cheese, animals, laughing loudly in public dislikes: nuts, stinging/biting insects, religious fanatics, violence, olives contact: coloredink@mailcity add .com wishlist playstation 2car summer job a good night's sleep money stress-free life trigun dvd box set realistic wishlist dayworld by philip josé farmerkabuki by david mack long-term obsessions anime/mangayaoi/shounenai clamp music animals life and living video games current obsession(s) schoolap tests currently reading nothing newcurrently playing dark cloud 2ffx currently watching hana yori dango (20)utena (23) gto tv (27) mirage of blaze (6) witch hunter robin (18) weiß kreuz gluhen (8) naruto (30) wolf's rain (12) i my me strawberry eggs (9) get backers (23) rose of versailles (16) |
Sunday, May 4, 2003 [link] 07:19 p.m. listening to: nothing Rehearsal went well today. I didn't forget my instrument this time! We went straight through all the songs and it was clear that we'd vastly improved from last week, so Mr. Fulbright wasn't cranky. I learned that Matt Peebles, the violinist that I raved about in this entry, made the Julliard program. Not only that, he's being taught by Itzhak Perlman. Good grief. I'd give my right arm to be taught by Itzhak Perlman, and I don't even play the violin. Jessica came over today on the mistaken idea that I can somehow help her do well on the AP Lit test. Well, actually, I offered, out of some mistaken notion that I actually know what I'm doing. Which I don't, really, but I hope I was able to help. I ended up talking to her a little about The Book, and she said something to the effect of, "There's an actual author sitting across the table from me. I'm hearing an actual author talk about her work." That surprised me, because I don't really consider myself an author, and I don't think I ever will, or at least until I actually get a book published. But still, it's nice knowing that someone thinks of me that way. It makes me feel like I can actually succeed, even if on a very small level. Saturday, May 3, 2003 [link] 05:16 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist I've wanted to be an author for a very long time now. There is, I think, a difference between an author and a writer. It's possible to be one without being the other. Some people are conceivers of ideas, while others are the ones who execute them. That's the difference between an author and a writer. An author is also, in more commonplace terms, someone who writes for a living. I am not, I think, very good at authoring or writing. But I strive to improve myself and work towards my dream: writing for a living. The thing is, though, how does one become an author? Apparently, one falls into it mostly by accident. One works as a gas station attendant, or a plumber, or a librarian, and one writes in one's spare time. Then, one day, one begins to make more money from writing instead of pumping gas or shelving books or whatever, and then one quits one's day job to devote more time to writing. How many people decide, when they're young, that they're going to write when they're living? How many people actually pursue it? How many people succeed? I am so very confused. Saturday, May 3, 2003 [link] 10:20 a.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist Trip to Little Tokyo was cancelled due to rain. Blarg. Whatever happened to willf.org? Should start studying for APs today. I really should. [Edit: And now the sun is fucking shining. The hell is this?] Friday, May 2, 2003 [link] 10:22 p.m. listening to: nothing Rain does not bode well for our meeting tomorrow, Gen. Just got back from a birthday party at Rachel's grandmother's house. I felt really bad about having to leave as early as I did, but I'm severely allergic to cats, and Rachel's grandmother has a cat. Argh. I love cats, I just can't stand to be around them. -_- Anyway, that was nice. Her family's really fun, and we had pizza and cake and ice cream, and it was all good. They were all very nice to me. Friday, May 2, 2003 [link] 05:44 p.m. listening to: Intended, today, to come home, drink something alcoholic, and then pass out. But I was so tired that I just ended up passing out. Some people drink to get away from their problems. Apparently, I just sleep. Going out with Rachel's family today to celebrate her birthday. Yay! Still fighting depression. These days I come home and do nothing until an (in)appropriate hour, when I go to bed. Maybe if I studied this wouldn't be a problem, but I've never dealt well with stress. This is not healthy. The AP Lit test is on Monday and I have only a vague idea of what I'm doing. I feel better prepared for the essay now, but no more so for the multiple choice. I am so screwed. On the verge of giving up for the AP Bio test. But I've never been able to go down without a fight. I'm too stubborn for my own good, sometimes. Must schedule some study meetings this weekend and next. Thursday, May 1, 2003 [link] 04:35 p.m. listening to: "The Band Played Waltzing Matilda" - John McDermott Walked to school with Rachel today. Ended up fifteen minutes late, but we didn't care. It was fun. We got a slurpee from 7-11 on the way. I feel so overwhelmed lately. It's odd, actually, because on the one hand, I feel like I have everything figured out. I know what college I'm going to, it's all paid for, I know what I'm going to do. But on the other hand, I also have no idea what I'm doing, and AP tests are coming up far too rapidly. I haven't even started studying yet. You know how when you're little, you sleep early so that tomorrow will come that much faster? Now that I'm older, I don't want to sleep because I hope that means tomorrow will never come. I'm also very, very hungry. And tired. I think I shall find something to eat, and then crawl into bed for a short nap. Wednesday, April 30, 2003 [link] 12:33 a.m. listening to: "Waltzing Matilda" - Slim Whitman I am occasionally prone to bouts of depression. I do not think this is a bad thing. I think that, once in a while, it's good to let yourself get depressed. As long as you don't, like, try and kill yourself or anything. So, tonight, I am depressed. I think stress has something to do with it. I don't react well to stress. Some people respond by clobbering whatever it is that's stressing them, which I think is probably the best way to deal with it. I, however, curl up into a miserable little ball and try to distract myself as much as possible. Which, of course, does not make the problem go away and simply delays it. Eventually--when it's almost too late--I wade in with both arms swinging and somehow pull it off. At the moment, I am at the curled-up-distracting-myself stage. And being really depressed. I've had trouble sleeping lately. Not so much insomnia (that is, being unable to sleep), as not wanting to sleep. I can be falling over with exhaustion and fatigued to the point of nausea, but I'll put it off until I'm about to pass out over the keyboard. Part of it is probably because I don't have to be at school until relatively late the next day. This week is standardized testing week, and as a senior, that means I don't have to show up until after testing. I don't know what the other part is. What puzzles me is that I haven't been sleeping in my own room. I moved into the guest room temporarily because my own room reeked of smoke, but now it's completely fine and I'm. . . still sleeping in the guest room. I have no idea why. Wednesday, April 30, 2003 [link] 05:10 p.m. listening to: "Agnus Dei" - Libera Libera is an incredibly kickass boy's choir. I cannot stress how amazing their stuff is. I would also like to say that I, as a rule, do not attach any great importance to birthdays. I often forget my own. ^^ As the time goes on, the passing of another year does not especially mean anything to me. If anything, I look at it with dread, because I really hate how fast time seems to passes. So if I forget your birthday or don't really acknowledge it, don't worry about it. It's not because I hate you, or because I don't care--okay, maybe it's because I don't really care. I'm sorry if a birthday is something really big and spectacular for you, because I don't really see it that way, and it's really difficult for me to muster enthusiasm for something I don't really believe in. I've also been under a lot of stress lately, so showering people with birthday greetings is not exactly high on my list of priorities. Gen, if you could get on AIM sometime, we could discuss meeting downtown this weekend. [Edit: Yes, this entry was just a really long and roundabout apology to Rachel for not being as enthusiastic about her birthday as she'd probably like. It's not that I don't love you, honey, it's just that my mind's been elsewhere these days.] Wednesday, April 30, 2003 [link] 02:25 p.m. listening to: the chatter of the media center You are right, of course, in that sometimes it just takes to much to constantly defend yourself from other people's comments. But, well, I guess some controversy adds spice to one's life. Still, sometimes, it is easier to remain silent. The highlight of the day was John serenading Vivien in front of the entire class in order to ask her out for prom. It was simultaneously really cute and funny. Last, but not least, today is Rachel's birthday. Shower her with love and appreciation, please. She needs it. Tuesday, April 29, 2003 [link] 09:36 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist Argh. This this annoying gnat or something that keeps flying around my face. **waves it away** Leave me alone! Anyway, I'm seeing some people concerned about other people reading their blogs, controversy over certain blog entries, etc. etc. To which I say this: Who the fuck cares what other people think? Okay, first, let me say this: if you're worried about certain people finding your blog and reading it, then why is it online in the first place? Presumably it's online precisely so that other people can read it. The World Wide Web is not a place for private thoughts, unless you're okay with your private thoughts being made available to anyone with a computer and Internet access. Secondly, what are you so afraid of? Are you afraid that whatever you're ranting about is going to cause people to dislike you? In that case, these people either need a thicker skin, or they're not really your friends. If you're afraid that your crush is going to find your blog and read it, well then, I have nothing to say to you. But if you're worried about causing arguments or conflict, well, that's inevitable. I've been in a few pretty bad "flamewars." They usually blew over, or we never spoke to each other again, and sometimes it's really for the better. Getting that incensed over something to the point where you don't speak to each other afterwards usually indicates that it was never really meant to be. But if you're really so terrified of certain people reading your blog, use initials or pseudonyms or something to protect the identities of whoever you're ranting about. In the end, though, hopefully your blog is for you. If it's for someone else, well, then you're not really doing yourself any favors. But since it is for yourself, then you should be able to say whatever you want, without being afraid of other people arguing or hating you or whatever. While I'm on this subject, I might as well say that I generally disassociate myself from whatever I talk about here. Not in the sense that I feel like this blog belongs to "someone else," although perhaps it does. When I'm online, I'm Kit. I'm not whoever I am IRL (which is why I tend to feel uneasy when I see my real name on other people's blogs). This is what's nice about the Internet. Kit is not terribly removed from myself--I mean, really, we're the same people--but generally, anything I talk about on my blog isn't something I'm going to bring up on my own at school the next day. Unless it's something like waking up to a bedroom full of smoke. That's just something I have to go into histrionics about. [Edit: Or, wait, doesn't Xanga have a feature where you can "privatize" entries or whatever? I have no idea what that does. For LiveJournal users, that means only people on their friends list can read the entry. By the way, if anyone reading this is interested in getting an LJ, talk to me. I have codes. I don't give them away to just anyone, though. Just to let you know.] Tuesday, April 29, 2003 [link] 03:41 p.m. listening to: "Evangeline" - Emmylou Harris and The Band I do not consider myself a great fan of country music by any means, but I love this song. I've been riding my bike to school for the past few days. I'm a little sore, but feel pretty good. The only problem is that I have to ride on the sidewalk (which is technically illegal), and this means I seriously have to watch out for pedestrians. I should have a horn or a bell or something put on my bike, because bicycles are fairly quiet vehicles, and people can't tell I'm coming. I nearly hit a little old lady coming out of a store this morning. ^^;; I was also barked at and threatened by a dog about the size of a football. That was annoying. The house still smells like smoke. [Edit: At last, new Kagerou pages! I love this comic so much it hurts.] Tuesday, April 29, 2003 [link] 02:34 a.m. listening to: nothing Jesus fucking Christ, I just love waking up an hour and a half after falling asleep because my bedroom is full of smoke. My dad's been getting really, really bad about burning things lately. On the stove, that is. He leaves stuff on the stove, warming or whatever, and then forgets about it until he smells smoke. Normally I notice something's burning long before it gets dangerous, as my computer's right next to the kitchen, but obviously not when I'm asleep. As I was just now, seeing as how I have school tomorrow. Er, today. This is actually the third time this has happened; once because I wasn't home (but Siean was, and he noticed, thank God), and twice because I was asleep. I'm kind of glad he's selling the house, as I wouldn't want him living here alone. I'm always afraid that, one day, it's worse than a burned pot and really smoky rooms. Monday, April 28, 2003 [link] 10:07 p.m. listening to: "Bang the Drum Slowly" - Emmylou Harris I feel like I have so much to do in so little time, and yet I also feel like I have no work at all. How strange. Monday, April 28, 2003 [link] 03:11 p.m. listening to: "Lies" - Evanescence People have been throwing a lot of Evanescence at me lately. I downloaded a bunch, but a lot of it ended up sounding kind of same-ish to me. I ended up burning most of it to CD, since it didn't really appeal to me too much. I really like this song, though; the intro is nicely creepy. Social blogging, today. Nessa: Well, gee, how come nobody asks me these things? Kahaha! I didn't tell you anything about our anti-prom party because I didn't think you'd be interested, as you're going to prom. But since you're so deadly curious, it's just a little get-together of friends who aren't going to prom. We have some plans to go out for sushi and/or go to the beach and such, but we're still working out things like transportation. Does that satisfy you? Walker: Consider transferring to Mills. Yes, I know, it's far from home, and it's a private school, which == expensive, but I wouldn't plug it without a reason. I took a tour of the education department while I was there, since I'm considering becoming a teacher, and I was very impressed. Mills has the oldest lab school on the West Coast; it's been there since the 1920s. It runs from preschool through fifth grade, unlike CSUSF's lab school, which only goes up to second grade. In other words, you'll actually be working with and teaching little kids, supervised by a "head teacher." I know you're planning to teach elementary school, so I figured you'd be interested in this. I don't know about the technical stuff (tests and certificates and whatnot), but I suppose you can research that yourself. Here's the Mills website. Still incredibly stressed. Have postponed all sectionals until further notice, which is probably a bad thing as we have a parade coming up, but it's all I can do. I'm already missing too many of the AP Bio meetings because of PYMA. Gah. And I trust the kids to practice and learn their music on their own. I feel bad neglecting them so much this year, but they're very independent and seem to be good at taking care of themselves. Sunday, April 27, 2003 [link] 08:18 p.m. listening to: "Hotel California" - The Eagles I forgot my instrument at school last Friday. Stayed after for two hours to work on Literary Anthology and forgot my horn. Gah. So I went to rehearsal today without one. Melody was there today, and it sucked for her because she was sightreading and didn't have anyone to follow. ^^;; I did my best to sing the difficult parts for her. She's good, though; she got it down after a few times. One more rehearsal until the concert. I'm confident, though; the music's not that hard. There's still a few parts in the fugue that I need to practice, and then I'll be peachy. Mills does indeed have broadband in the dorm rooms. In fact, it also has wireless. The Princeton Review lies. |
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