Colored Ink
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miss something? check the archives about me name: n/aaliases: kit, kits, kit kat, the smart girl, foxay, an chin age: 19 location: oakland, ca hobbies: anime, manga, reading, writing, doodling, video games, french horn likes: all of the above, being lazy, mushrooms, cheese, animals, laughing loudly in public dislikes: nuts, stinging/biting insects, religious fanatics, violence, olives contact: coloredink@mailcity add .com wishlist playstation 2car a good night's sleep money stress-free life trigun long colt keychain cowboy bebop dvd box set ipod world peace realistic wishlist dayworld by philip jos?farmerkabuki by david mack lucifer by mike carey infernal affairs ii long-term obsessions anime/mangayaoi/shounenai writing music animals life and living current obsession(s) infernal affairsfullmetal alchemist currently reading rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead by tom stoppardcurrently watching hana yori dango (20)utena (23) gto tv (39) witch hunter robin (18) naruto (58) get backers (27) rose of versailles (19) matantei loki ragnarok (15) scrapped princess (14) peacemaker kurogane (15) fullmetal alchemist (28) sailormoon live action (25) |
Sunday, August 1, 2004 [link] 11:54 p.m. listening to: "Olivia" - Edie Brickell Went to Pasadena today with Rachel and a long-lost cousin, Nora. Had fun. We had eats at this place called "corner bakery," got Jamba Juices, stopped by Rachel's work (where I purchased an Edie Brickell CD), and then camped in Borders and read comic books for three hours. Alas, I did not purchase anything, although I comfort myself with the knowledge that I will, when I return to the land of the north. We had dinner at Hooters, which was quite fun, although conversation was difficult because we had to scream "what?!" after every other sentence. The waitresses were all very friendly and perky, and the food was quite good, although the breaded wings were horrifyingly greasy (I ordered the "naked," unbreaded ones, which were not nearly as tasty). We actually had two waitresses, since one was a trainee, and the attention was almost overwhelming. Our actual waitress (the trainee) had an excellent pouty face, and I was almost genuinely distressed that I was not ordering dessert. So, Hooters was a good experience. I'm not sure if my schoolmates are going to want to lynch me or throw me a parade. Saturday, July 31, 2004 [link] 08:24 p.m. listening to: "Dare You to Move" - Switchfoot Today was my last day of work, so naturally everything that could possibly go wrong did. If it wasn't, "There's something wrong with my computer!" it was "Do these estimates!" and then, "You did these estimates wrong!" all while I was trying to design a kitchen. So I ended up bringing work home with me anyway, despite today being my last day of work. And I didn't get my last paycheck, but it'll be mailed to me eventually or something, so I don't care anymore. I wish we hadn't watched King of Bandits Jing last night. I could do with some brainless anime for a while. Wednesday, July 28, 2004 [link] 09:27 p.m. listening to: "This One Eats Souls" - The Blackeyed Susans I hate it when my music is so obscure that even kazaa can't find it. >_< I learned how to do window estimates today. I'm receiving so much training my last week of work, it's exasperating; everyone's saying things about how it's such a shame that I'm leaving this week. And, you know, I wish I could stay longer, because I love feeling useful and not giving my uncle reasons to yell at me, but goddammit, you could've trained me sooner! Granted, I didn't really take a lot of initiative until fairly recently, but a lot of it was this general attitude of, "Gosh, it's so hard, and you're so young, and I'm too busy to train you--" Grar. Oh well, there's always December. But, anyway, I hope all this training can be put to use up north. My uncle's still trying to tempt me into taking over the business/doing sales, dangling the lure of financial security in my eyes. It's tempting. It really is. Tuesday, July 27, 2004 [link] 07:57 a.m. listening to: nothing Had a bizarre Harry/Draco dream last night, where I was Harry (that is, I saw the dream from Harry's POV). I'm not normally prone to HP dreams, particularly of the variety where it's a slash couple I don't even like. o_O;;; But Draco, who did not look like Tom Felton, was rather reluctantly smitten with Harry, I guess, and did that thing that immature boys do: irritate the hell out of their crush. Harry, of course, was clueless, although he did think that Draco was touching him a lot lately. Hermione sighed in exasperation. Pretty much the entire castle made fun of Draco. I think that eventually Harry and Draco did get together, much to the delight of. . . everyone else, who continued to make fun of them. Harry and Draco had to find ways to evade the crowds. When did I start dreaming in bad fanfiction? Monday, July 26, 2004 [link] 09:33 a.m. listening to: nothing And in breaking news: I have new shoes! XDDD Saturday, July 24, 2004 [link] 04:47 p.m. listening to: "fake wings" - yuki kajiura Woke up this morning to find that I had somehow spectacularly regressed in my illness, to the point where just standing up made me feel sick. Whereas before I didn't want to lie down because it made me feel sick, now I find that lying down is the only thing that doesn't make me feel sick. >_< Every time I move my head, the world seemed to shift. I brought home the 20/20 design software to install on my computer, only to find that I'd left the disc at work. D'oh! Well, that didn't do me any good. And I didn't go to work today, due to the vertigo, so now I'll have to wait until next week to install it. :( Phooey. Friday, July 23, 2004 [link] 05:59 p.m. listening to: none Learning how to use 20/20 makes me half-seriously consider becoming an interior designer. **scream of horror** Am about 60% done designing Keiji's apartment. Somehow, without meaning to at all, I designed his bedroom after my own dorm room. The bedroom and the bathroom were fairly easy, but oh my GOD the kitchen is giving me gyp. Considering that I'm supposed to be learning the program in order to design kitchens, this does not bode well. Thursday, July 22, 2004 [link] 06:50 p.m. listening to: "Bratja" - Full Metal Alchemist Long day to day. Was mildly chewed out by my uncle for goofing off at work. I wish I worked in a cubicle, because then at least what I did on the computer wouldn't be so open to the world. Granted, it's kind of hard to tell when I am working, since my current project is along the lines of webdesign, and this often entails surfing around and looking things up. Which, you know, makes it look like I'm not working. A lot of my dissatisfaction with my work comes from not liking what I'm doing, and also, not really being stimulated by what I'm doing. I know, as long as it pays, right? Sure, I agree with that. But I need stimulation, otherwise I can't focus. Coding a website usually keeps me occupied pretty well (at least, until my head explodes, which usually takes three or four hours). Data entry does not. I will do anything but data entry, if at all possible. So in the interest of figuring out whether or not I really want to work with cabinets for the rest of my life, I went with Victor (that's the cabinet man) on a measuring job. It was a pretty standard job, I guess, with a nicer-than-usual client, who'd actually gone through the trouble of making sketches of the way he wanted things to look. I don't think Victor usually gets that kind of specificity. So I watched Victor measure, and then we went back and I was given another job of installing stuff on Victor's new laptop. This is easy work, of course; basically involves babysitting the laptop itself so it doesn't get stolen while 20/20 is installing. Speaking of which, I started teaching myself how to use 20/20 Design today. I was given a copy of the latest version of 20/20, 6.4, and installed it on my computer. It's supposed to need a hardware key to work, but for some reason it seemed to work fine without one. **shrug** So I installed it and noodled around in it a bit. I can draw and resize walls and place windows and things. I figure placing cabinets shouldn't be too different. The difficult part will be learning design-y like things, like how high cabinets should be from the floor and other things that come pretty much from experience. I think Victor will take me out again tomorrow. It's kind of fun. I don't know yet if it's what I want to do for the rest of my life, but it makes me feel useful, it's valuable experience, and it gives me something stimulating to do. I think I'm going to be geeky and design my characters' apartments and stuff. Wednesday, July 21, 2004 [link] 09:05 a.m. listening to: "Our Deliverance" - Indigo Girls My ride's roof exploded or something, so I'm going to be late into work today. Okie dokie. I can live with that. The summer is too-rapidly drawing to a close. I am terrified and breathless with anticipation at the same time. Where the hell does the time go? I remember when I was young, and a year seemed to last forever. . . I've started having some really bizarre dreams lately. The night before last, for example, I dreamed about email spam (God, the stuff follows me even in my dreams!) and also that I offended a woman with an inadvertantly-racist comment. Last night, I dreamed that my friend accidentally backed over her dog. I think I'll blame it on the medication. Sunday, July 18, 2004 [link] 01:04 p.m. listening to: "Hurricane" - Lisa Loeb Went to the doctor again today. Apparently it's Urgent Care on Sundays. This means OMG GIGANTIC BILL. **sob** I take comfort in my $200 deductible. SAVE ME, INSURANCE! Turns out I had an inner ear infection after all. Go go Rachel. Or Rachel's mother, as may be the case. This means OMG ANOTHER GIGANTIC BILL. And this time insurance does not save me. How I long for my university health care clinic. My medicine cost well over a hundred dollars. **weeps** The BiAxin, which is an antibiotic that's supposed to cure my ear infection, is taken in conjunction with some other medicine that's, like, supposed to clear my nose or something. Eustachian tube dysfunction, he says. Your nose and your ears are connected--you know that, right? Yes, yes, I know, I said. Yeah. But this medicine--which is, as far as I can tell, basically an allergy medicine--has a label on the side that says "may cause dizziness." Hmmm. So how do I know when I'm well? Friday, July 16, 2004 [link] 06:37 p.m. listening to: "Jonas and Ezekiel" - Indigo Girls Today I left my desk to walk around a bit in hopes that it would clear up my nausea and somehow ended up sweeping the warehouse. Fortunately, physical activity seems to chase away my physical discomfort. Maybe I should sweep the warehouse more often. Slowly but surely, my web design skills (or lack thereof) are getting better. Practice makes perfect, I guess. The vertigo is changing and morphing. While I still get vertigo when I lie down and get up (making going to sleep and getting up in the morning more hellish and usual), this is no longer accompanied by vertigo during the day. However, I do get random bouts of lightheadedness, usually accompanied by nausea. I've also started getting stomachaches after some of my meals, which is really weird because I almost never get stomachaches. I don't know if these two things are related. I'm really tired of being pseudo-sick. I don't count this as "sick" because it doesn't really keep me from, you know, living my life. It's just really annoying. This pseudo-sickness also means that most of the time, people don't know or don't realize that yes, I am sick, and no, I'm not going to do this-or-that for you because I'm trying very hard not to fall over. Rar. Wednesday, July 14, 2004 [link] 08:49 p.m. listening to: "Speed Kills" - Bush I'm no longer stricken with vertigo when I get out of the car. It's the small victories. I'm beginning to think that doctor visit was for nothing. Getting up in the morning is still horrible. Tuesday, July 13, 2004 [link] 07:26 p.m. listening to: "Diamond Dogs" - Beck And now I have a stomachache. I think something I ate at dinner didn't agree with me. Goddammit. Will the universe please stop shitting on me now?! Tuesday, July 13, 2004 [link] 11:26 a.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist Went to the doctor yesterday. Since I was a walk-in, I had to wait rather a while. Also, I couldn't seem to find my insurance card, and then it turned out that I have a $200 deductible anyway, meaning that insurance will pay once the cost goes over $200. So if I break my leg or something, I'll be fine, but for these little doctor visits, it comes out of my pocket. Yargh. The examination itself was rather quick, but when the doctor administered the Dix-Hallpike test, he only turned my head to the right. Since I lurch to the left more often than not, and turning my head to the left, particularly when lying down, brings on a stupendous bout of dizziness, I probably should have pointed out that he needed to turn my head the other direction if he wanted any results. Dammit. So he prescriped me meclizine hydrochloride, which I later found out is basically carsickness medicine. At least it only cost four dollars. I'm tempted to go back to the doctor, especially since I also woke up with a headache this morning, but I really can't afford it (yesterday's visit cost me over a day's worth of wages, and I've taken too many days off as it is). I may just suck it up and hope my body learns how to compensate. Monday, July 12, 2004 [link] 01:40 p.m. listening to: nothing Still vertigo-y, although better than yesterday. I can actually do normal things like walk to the kitchen for a class of water or bend over to pick up something I dropped without reeling like a drunk person. Lying down is still a problem, though; when I lie down I get dizzy, and when I get up I lurch. I have a tendency to wobble to the left. I killed a fly today. This is a big accomplishment for me. I'm not only clumsy and slow, but also notoriously squeamish; I won't even pick up dead bugs by myself. Unfortunately, the fly died in the bathtub where I was planning to take a shower, so I couldn't sweep it out of the way with a broom or something as I might have had it died on the floor. My brilliant idea was to flood the bathtub, use a container to scoop out the fly, and then flush it down the toilet. It worked, and now I'm waiting for the bathroom to ventilate so that I can take my shower. It reeks of bug spray in there. The fly was huge. I largely suspect that it was the fly that got in last week that my cousin was unable to kill, and then mysteriously vanished. I presumed it had either gotten out or died of starvation (as pests seem to do in clean-kept houses), but apparently not. Monday, July 12, 2004 [link] 02:28 a.m. listening to: "Simple Gifts" - Yo-Yo Ma Woke up at around 5 AM with what WebMD says is mild vertigo. Well, sure felt like the end of the world to me. We were supposed to go to the Getty museum today, too. We left about two hours later than expected, mainly because I wasn't sure if I could go. But we went anyway, and it was cool, although I probably didn't enjoy it half as much as I should have because I'd just get these horrible washes of dizziness followed by nausea. I've been sleeping ever since we returned home around 6 PM, and finally got up around 11:30 PM because it was hot and stuffy and I was thirsty and couldn't stand to stay in bed anymore. Now I think I'm finally ready to return back to bed, although lying down tends to make me more dizzy. Blah. At least I don't have to go to work tomorrow. Saturday, July 10, 2004 [link] 11:52 a.m. listening to: "P.S. You Rock My World" - The Eels Wow. I'm actually blogging four straight days in a row. Shocking. So this morning I was thinking about relationships, and how I don't want to be in one. Not necessarily ever, just. . . not right now. And, you know, it's always right now, so I don't know what I'm saying, really, it's just. . . maybe a few years from now, I'll want a boyfriend/girlfriend/dog/rat/snake/alien companion. But right now, I'm fine being by myself. Relationships seem so messy and complicated and. . . I don't know. Why would you want to tie yourself to someone else in that way? Not that I begrudge anyone who is in a relationship. "Why the hell you in a relationship, yo? What's wrong with you?" No, nothing like that. They're happy, that's fine. I'm happy being by myself. Is there something wrong with that? I have a few like-minded friends who're also single and happy. They cite trust issues, right now is a time for self-discovery, relationships are confining, I have enough trouble handling my own life, much less someone else's. Great. I'm not alone in the world. But is there something wrong with us? Is there something wrong with me, that I don't mind being alone? Do I have some kind of deep-rooted insecurity? Am I afraid of something? Do my feelings about relationships stem from my parents' divorce? From my friends' parents' divorces? From a messy, violent relationship I had with a boy in middle and high school? Should I see a therapist? Fuck you, society, do you see what you do to me? I don't need to be in a relationship right now. I don't care how "rewarding" or "satisfying" it is. And I don't need to explain myself to you. I just. Don't. Care. If you're happy with your boyfriend/girlfriend/ferret, that's great. If you're happy with your casual sex/booty calls/friend with benefits, bully for you. But I'm not a freak, goddammit. And don't hit on me, either. |
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