Colored Ink
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miss something? check the archives about me name: n/aaliases: kit, kits, kit kat, the smart girl, foxay, an chin age: 19 location: oakland, ca hobbies: anime, manga, reading, writing, doodling, video games, french horn likes: all of the above, being lazy, mushrooms, cheese, animals, laughing loudly in public dislikes: nuts, stinging/biting insects, religious fanatics, violence, olives contact: coloredink@mailcity add .com wishlist playstation 2car a good night's sleep money stress-free life trigun long colt keychain cowboy bebop dvd box set ipod world peace realistic wishlist dayworld by philip jos?farmerkabuki by david mack lucifer by mike carey infernal affairs ii long-term obsessions anime/mangayaoi/shounenai writing music animals life and living current obsession(s) infernal affairsfullmetal alchemist currently reading rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead by tom stoppardcurrently watching hana yori dango (20)utena (23) gto tv (39) witch hunter robin (18) naruto (58) get backers (27) rose of versailles (19) matantei loki ragnarok (15) scrapped princess (14) peacemaker kurogane (15) fullmetal alchemist (28) sailormoon live action (25) |
Thursday, April 29, 2004 [link] 02:03 p.m. listening to: nothing Woke up this morning around 8 AM to a REALLY LOUD SHRIEK OVER MY HEAD, ie: the fire alarm. It only went off, thank goodness, so it wasn't a drill. But it was enough to wake me up good and proper, so that I couldn't really get back to sleep again. Not pleasant when you went to sleep at 2:30 AM because you were writing a paper. And now I have go to take two tests. In a row. Fuck. Wednesday, April 28, 2004 [link] 11:40 a.m. listening to: nothing Woke up with a really brutal bloody nose this morning. The kind that gushes and just doesn't clot, so you're sitting there forever. Not that any of you needed or wanted to know that. I hope this isn't a premonition for how the rest of the day is going to go. Yesterday was shitty enough. Monday, April 26, 2004 [link] 07:29 p.m. listening to: "Stare at the Sun" - Thrice I'm not going to make a list of all the things I have to do because it will just make me cry. I think the stress is starting to tell on me. This weekend, I had these weird delusions of an assignment I thought I'd done. I had these memories of sitting in front of the computer and typing sentences like, "Within the internment camps, Japanese women found themselves with unprecedented leisure time" and "Can racial profiling on this level happen again, especially after the events of 9/11?" Only, of course, I hadn't actually done the assignment, because it was nowhere to be found on my computer. I also have dreams about my alarm clock going off. It's happened to me twice now. I dream that my alarm clock goes off and I ignore it, and then later of course my alarm clock really does go off. My alarm clock is ignorable only in my dreams. And oh my God it's too hot to THINK. This school doesn't seem to understand the concept of air conditioning or something, at least not in the dorms, and those of us with west-facing windows get a lot of direct sunlight in the late afternoon. Which leads to the room becoming a furnace. My Tiger Balm is melting. My petroleum jelly is melting. My neighbor's deodorant is melting. Opening the windows actually makes it worse, because then all the heat comes in. Leaving the windows open overnight helps to a degree, but I have horrific allergy attacks in the middle of the night if I do that, probably from all the pollutants in the air or something. Fucking eczema. Okay, time for me to stop bitching and just go do my work already. I'm not going to research my term paper anymore because I can't find any research for it. So maybe I'll go read about feminism or something. Saturday, April 24, 2004 [link] 01:15 p.m. listening to: "Ghost" - Indigo Girls There are some people that have had such a profound influence on your life that even though you haven't talked to them in ages and have no intention of doing so, you still think about them. They appear in your head at odd moments of the day, like when you're brushing your teeth or attempting to study. I don't know if this is just me, or what. Well, I'm going to make myself some sandwiches for lunch. I don't know about the rest of you. You can all fend for yourselves. Oh, yes, the concert last night went all right. Some people say it went more than all right, but I think it went all right. Unfortunately, the dress rehearsal half-killed my lips, and it was so bleedin' hot on stage that I was hideously out of tune for most of the performance and couldn't seem to do anything about it. But other than that, it wasn't terrible. It helps that I knew nothing about Senior Thesis concert and didn't realize that we'd be the only ensemble there (the other stuff was cool/weird synthesized and/or singing--although there was one Chick With Guitar). Not going up against other ensembles does wonders for your confidence. Right, now I'm off to make my sandwich. Mmmmm, turkey pastrami. I need more vegetables in my life. Friday, April 23, 2004 [link] 02:29 p.m. listening to: "Wild Horses" - Bush Woke up early-ish this morning. Gave my tour as usual, and then went and watched "The Life and Times of Rosie the Riveter," a documentary on women workers during WW2. Very good documentary. Sat through class, then slogged to my interview. Long and short of it is, I'm not being rehired. I shrug it off philosophically with a "C'est la vie," because I was planning on finding another job anyway, and my (ex)-employers promised me good references. So that should help. I have actual work experience now! It would be nice to find a job off-campus, but since I do not drive, this is probably well-nigh impossible. So I hope I can find another job on campus instead. Rehearsal today from 4:30 - 6:00, and then concert at 8:00. It's going to be a long day. I'm going to take a nap now and avoid the rush. Wednesday, April 21, 2004 [link] 09:34 p.m. listening to: big honkin' playlist I am becoming addicted to Leonard Cohen. My life is slowly becoming stress. I have no finals (except one, possibly, in Massage, but who counts P.E. finals?), but I do have papers. My term paper for East Asia since 1700 is due on the same day as my final paper for History of Women in America, except that I will have approximately three days in which to write the latter. And hence, I don't know my topic yet. I'm also very certain that I have another paper for Traditional China, but I don't know the due date for that yet, either. I also have tests in both my Asian History classes, but if I think about that too much, I'll explode. AUGH. Sunday, April 18, 2004 [link] 11:12 p.m. listening to: "The Wood Song" - Indigo Girls Updated my website. Finally. **hides** Thursday, April 15, 2004 [link] 01:01 p.m. listening to: nothing Sometimes I think that this place is way too politically correct and that I really just want to move to, like, Oregon or something. Or that people need to grow thicker skins. And then I remember that I'd die of boredom and lack of diversity if I went somewhere more homogeneous, and with diversity comes a certain amount of consideration, ie: political correctness. It just pisses me off, that's all, how sometimes I feel like I can't say anything without kicking myself in the back of the throat. Maybe I should move to New York or something. Maybe I should just shut up. Wednesday, April 14, 2004 [link] 08:53 p.m. listening to: nothing My life is confusion. I have a lot of money left on my meal plan, so I decide that it is time for my daily pilgrimage to the Teashop in order to spend it all. On my way out the door, I see that there are an awful lot of red flashing lights outside. I am met by one of the old RAs (she took a leave of absence) coming in. "What are all the flashing lights?" I query. "I brought an entourage," she replies. Joyce, a girl from my hall, is holding the door open. "What's going on?" I ask. "I don't know," she says. "I've been a doorstop for a while now. The Public Safety guy came running in, and then the police." The next thing I know, the police are coming out again. They're holding a girl I know by sight if not by name. She is escorted away. I watch until the police and the fire engine drive away. The ambulance is still there. I take my leave, and when I return, the ambulance is still there and there is a mass of people crowded on the doorstop, wondering. It's clear that none of them know any more than I do. And now, off I go to eat cereal and read about the rise of nationalism in Japan. It seems so very unimportant now. Wednesday, April 14, 2004 [link] 06:14 p.m. listening to: "Gates of Dawn" - Secret Garden So there's this fable. A man and a boy take their donkey to the market for sale. They're walking along next to the donkey, and then a passerby says, "Hey, stupids, why walk when you've got a perfectly good donkey?" Reasonable, isn't it? So the man puts the boy on the donkey, and they're walking along, and then someone says, "Isn't that shameful, the boy riding while the old man trudges along?" So they stop, and the boy gets off and the man gets on. Next thing you know, someone says, "Isn't that shameful, the man riding while they poor little boy trudges along." So the boy gets on the donkey too, and what do you know, then someone says, "Isn't that shameful, two people riding on that poor overburdened donkey!" This is where the fable gets screwy. So then both the man and the boy get off, and they cut a pole and tie the donkey's feet to it, so that they're carrying the donkey. Everyone they pass is too busy laughing or gawking to offer any advice. But when they're going over a bridge, the donkey somehow manages to get one of its feet loose. It kicks and thrashes until the man and the boy drop it into the water. The donkey can't swim with its feet tied together and drowns. The moral of the story is: Please everyone, please no one. It's not a very good fable. I mean, it's not exactly realistic. Who in their right minds would carry a live donkey like that? Really, they probably would have gotten off the donkey and just continued walking like they were before. Would've gotten to the market just fine. Fuck it all, I'm tired. Tuesday, April 13, 2004 [link] 10:02 a.m. listening to: My life is pain. . . . okay, that's an exaggeration. But my life is, currently, STRESS. EXHIBIT A GOAL: take three classes + Chinese @ Berkeley. Since language classes are 5 units at Berkeley, this should translate nicely into 4.25 Mills credits. REALITY: the class I want to take at Berkeley is actually only 3 units, because it's Mandarin for Mandarin Speakers, hence, only reading and writing. This places me at 3.75 Mills credits. I'll be able to keep my financial aid, but I won't be a full time student. RAMIFICATIONS: I am five credits ahead. I don't particularly want to be, because I don't actually want to graduate a semester early. So if I take a 3.75 courseload for three semesters. . . I will be only 3.5 credits ahead. This will provide a nice buffer for when I'm overseas (overseas credits often don't transfer well). CONCLUSION: . . . okay, this is not necessarily a big deal. EXHIBIT B GOAL: Register for 3.75 credits. REALITY: I can't, because in order to cross-register at Berkeley, I actually have to go to the class and get the instructor to sign it. RAMIFICATIONS: Well, I can register for three Mills classes and, uh, lose a bunch of my financial aid temporarily, like I did at the beginning of this semester when a class I wanted to register for was closed, leaving me with 3.25 credits. Or I can register for four Mills classes and then drop one next semester, depending on whether or not I can get into the Chinese class. CONCLUSION: Safer to register for four classes and drop one. It's easier to drop classes than add them. Besides, what if I don't get into Chinese? EXHIBIT C GOAL: Take Mandarin for Mandarin Speakers at UC Berkeley REALITY: It's notoriously hard to get into a language class at Cal. They try to keep them kind of small, and of course they give preference to Cal students. Since there are a BUTTJILLION CAL STUDENTS, that means it's hard for a Mills student to find a spot and keep that spot. RAMIFICATIONS: If I can't read or write Chinese, this kind of SCREWS ME OVER for my prospective career choice. I also won't be able to participate in the translation program at Lingnan University, which is kind of the entire reason I want to go there. CONCLUSION: . . . auuuuuuuuugh. And not only that, I was really supposed to register yesterday, since I'm of sophomore standing. So now I have to wait until tomorrow and hope to God that the classes I want aren't filled up, because that'll cause me even more problems next semester with my financial aid. WAAAUUUGH. And also, I have to outline a term paper by this Thursday that I haven't even done the research for, and I didn't get enough sleep last night. [Edit: And now one of the classes I wanted to take is full. FUCK.] Sunday, April 11, 2004 [link] 05:51 p.m. listening to: "Gates of Dawn" - Secret Garden Easter today. I am not given overmuch to religious entries, seeing as how I am not a terribly religious person. I did not attend Easter services, I did not lay flowers on the Founders' grave (although the latter is something I plan to remedy in the coming weeks, as the lack of flowers there makes me sad indeed). I did not have any sort of Easter-related meal, although today I tried and succeeded in making a new dish, which I will try to perfect in the future. But still, it's Easter today, and I figure I should at least give that a mention. And now, I'm going to cut my nails, because they're much too long, and then I will read about women's suffrage. Saturday, April 10, 2004 [link] 02:45 p.m. listening to: "Gates of Dawn" - Secret Garden For lunch, I had udon noodle soup with broccoli and spinach. For a snack, I am eating strawberries and raisins. For dinner, I will be having steamed tilapia and sauteed asparagus. I HEREBY DECLARE THIS THE DAY OF DIETARY FIBER! And yes, I'm still listening to this song. I'm obsessed, okay? Wednesday, April 7, 2004 [link] 04:19 p.m. listening to: "Gates of Dawn" - Secret Garden I bought another sarong today. It's plain black with little stylized suns on it. Very simple and elegant. It cost about thirteen dollars. WHY GOD WHY DO I HAVE NO WILLPOWER. Wednesday, April 7, 2004 [link] 11:45 a.m. listening to: "Gates of Dawn" - Secret Garden Prospies come today. I'm sooooo not ready. Have I mentioned that I'm obsessed with this song? Tuition's going up (again). I feel a little guilty, because no matter what, my tuition's guaranteed to be paid for. I have a Trustee Scholarship, which covers anything the CalGrant doesn't cover--which means that even if my CalGrant is taken away entirely (which looks like a real possibility, considering the way things are going in this state), my tuition will still be paid for, and all I'll have to worry about is things like room, board, etc. With a combination of Pell Grant, work-study, and student loans, I don't really have to worry about anything financially. But I'm lucky; there are juniors and seniors who're leaving because they can't afford to stay. I want to get more worked up about this. I want to be able to take action. My senior year, when I was fired up about the AP Club and went around gathering signatures, I was met with people who told me, "But I'm fee-waived, I can't sign this. . ." And I told them, "It doesn't matter. I'm fee-waived, too. Just sign. This is for the people who aren't." Not, I suppose, that it's lucky to be poor, but I'm not one of those who ever felt impoverished. We always had food to eat, we always had water and electricity and gas--and if creditors called our house every twenty minutes threatening legal action and my dad occasionally discussed declaring bankruptcy, well. When did I become so apathetic? I should be upset about the tuition increases, but I can't, really, because I know that it doesn't affect me. Besides which, I'm not sure what we as students can do about it. Tuition goes up at all colleges everywhere (in the US, at least) no matter where or who or what you are, and it doesn't help that the California economy is crappy and the administration keeps making cuts to education and financial aid. I know I was warned about it; my teachers always warned us to fully understand what kind of financial aid we were getting and whether it would cover us for all four years, and my aunt told me, "They tighten the screws every year." I'm sorry the system is so shitty. I'm sorry your parents make too much money and can't or won't give any of it to you. I'm sorry we don't live in a socialistic system, with universal health care and free public university education. I'm sorry. Really, I am. Sunday, April 4, 2004 [link] 08:19 p.m. listening to: "Gates of Dawn" - Secret Garden Room Draw is hell on earth. Not only are Eleanor and I not in the dorm of our choice, we ended up across the building from each other. But we would have been across the building from each other no matter what, considering how the maps turned out. But hey, this song is doing wonders for my mood. I highly encourage everyone to listen to it. So purtyful it is. |
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