||+thewriter+||
||+tag you're it!+||
name/ Melinda
nicknames/ Mindy.. Mellie.. Nilla Wafer..
location/ GA
age/ 17
bday/ 5.15.86 buy me a present? =o)
occupation/ student.. princess? etc =o*
email/ viciouspunkangel@comcast.net
pleasure/ Ice Skating, My Car! Music, people who dont label other people,. kevyn
aucoin (*tear*), bloomingdales, nordstrom, jack daniels, cats, tigers, cute guys
who drive nice cars, my friends, 1978 Pontiac Trans Am Smokey and the Bandit
Edition, Dares, Twister, Makeup, James Marsters, etcetc
pain/ close-minded people, junior year of highschool, the DRESS CODE, people who
drive stupid cars and think they're in racecars, when people confuse "theyre,
there, and their" stupid boys who are always mean to me and are so cute, Girls
who teenybop rock music like they're listening to pop, moody people, people who
think im gay just because i hang out with gay people, people who crack their
knuckles constantly, etcetc i could go on for days
symphony/ "Tainted Love," Blink 182, Good Charlotte, WANG CHUNG, the donnas,
MADONNA, POE, garbage, joydrop, Linkin Park, (only hybrid theory though.) Sarah,
80s Rock, "Girls, Girls, Girls," "Torn," STP, Green Day, any type of 90s alt,
etcetc i could go on for days and days
cacophony/ RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS, boybands, (even though they died out) Avril,
(my idol LOL) Britney Spears, the screechy pre-pubescent voices of some and that NASTY noises ppl make when they eat. ugh !
love/ My Car
like/ certain people =o)
her positive/ mm kinky.. funtimes occasionally.. and creative?
her negative/ impulsive ("sure you can have my #!") absolutely mean, and shy,
plus im blah
dreams/ happy times. nothing bad.
nightmares/ just anythign alone or in the dark. plus the recurring homecoming
nightmare (LOL j/j)
RetroStats
||+the music+||
You're on the outside
You're lookin' in
You're takin' pictures of what you never been
So kill to kill
So ya wanna die?
You're burnin' slowly - with seven lives
Blow up the bitch with the firecracker smile
Switchblade in her suitcase
Loves to drive 'em wild
So kill to kill
Yeah ya gonna die
Everybody's searchin' - every single night
You'll never keep it 'cause you sold yourself
And by the way
You'll never lose it 'cause you never had it
It's all the same
Rock Star Life - turn on the switch
Hollywood Bitch - so fake that she seems real
She goes again
She's from the 'Westside,' she's lookin' thin
She fills her body with what she'll never be
So kill to kill - so you wanna die?
Everybody's searchin' - every single night
||+archived+||
||+Friends+||
||+talk about an altered image+|| hung out with james and trenty tonight. we had goodtimes. played monopoly.. well. began monopoly. has ANYONE ever finished a game of monopoly? i didnt think so. well i guess im out like a homie =o) hehe j.j.
boy'o'boy.. talk about an altered body image.. (except not really) anyways. i started pilates on monday. and its easy, but hard.. and burny. its intense. although. i hav eno idea how well they work.. cause i havent seen much change (HAH its been three days i know. still. im impatient) anyways. i want to get down to a lean.. 115 perhaps..
i ate too much today i think. 3 pieces of chicken. 2 cookies and a granola bar.
im so achey full. im gonna do some situps and then perhaps ill feel better..
its been so cold and bitter and blechy. and ive been trying to keep positive and nice and happy.. its unusual. usually winter makes me depressive, but this winter i feel unusually positive.. its so weird. im going ice skating on saturday. with or without people. if they end up cancelling ill go alone. im trying to figure out who all im going to ask to go............... let me see.. *goes over list in head* there is *ooone* person id really like to go.. but unf. i have not enough courage to enforce this "you will go" techniqu. but maybe if i ask him again and find out the actual time.. he'll go. *crosses fingers* i think it would be fun if he just happened to go. =o) hehehe. anyways. i suppose i should be going. i have sit-ups to do.. and etc. etc. etc.
minderz
hold me closer on Wednesday, January 7, 2004 at 08:14 p.m.
//+bohemian rhapsody+//
that song is utterly depressing ;o) i LOVE it. it feels so good to blog. you have no idea.. =o) yayya. anyways. im in VA if my imaginary readers dont know already (PS-im currently writing to wonderboy. OO! WONDERBOY THEMED BLOG! Im a frickin genius)
VA is alright. boring however. nobody has called me currently on the celly or at home to get the cell #.. (fyi im talking about a specific person.) i just dont get things
talked to my dad tonight. oh thats always a funtime.. except not even sort of. because he just sounded pissed off at me... probably because im driving out to his house..
my g'ma let me drive her cavalier. its cute. =o) 4cyl. im not used to all that lack of gogogogogo speed yanno? i like it though. its cute. =o) this summer ill be driving to VA in my own car. which will kick ass.
i dont understand why people feel the need to lie to me..(more on that never.)
i was rereading my angsty poetry.. im such a horrible writer. oh my poetry is kickinbad... LOL and im so ANGRY !!! and i have no idea why. (actually i do know why....) here goes my most favourite shit ive ever written: (not really... but i cant post the good ones.. cause someone will tell met hey suck.)
To:Me
welcome to hell..
you cant feel. cant breathe. cant see.
i wish you luck
your sorry half-life existence
will soon fade out
will they remember you?
will they even care?
we'll wait and see but not for long
your time is coming
you / miserable wreck
so kill yourself
no one will care
craptastic right?
my discman isnt working. ok.. nm i messed with it for like 15 minutes before remembering that i put the hold on it.... go me. im an idiot.
anyways.. i need to blog a bout my dad later.
wish me luck
CALL ME SOMEONE
after nine.. hehe
-mindy
hold me closer on Sunday, December 28, 2003 at 09:33 p.m.
||+...+||
;_; well.. im a stupid stupid girl. thats aabout all i need to say on that. to T*H*I*N*K that a *guy* could actually not (lie) and >>CALL<< when he said he "would" ::hahahah:: i find that --so-- humourous. maybe i could call ^him^ but then.. wouldnt he call me if he wanted to ? wouldnt he???? @ugh@
-mindy- AKA losergeek ;o)
hold me closer on Monday, December 22, 2003 at 02:23 p.m.
\+no subject+\
so...... me. thats a big ol' no subject right? cause everyone has me all figured out. im just the blonde.
right?
there is so much more depth.. that i really dont feel like getting into.. ive been through more.. that most anyone around.. with the exception of my lovely robin.. and seriously, nobody has any idea. and i go through way too much to be sane.
then people wonder why i act so nice and ditzy
yea.. when youre liek that then nobody worries about you. anddd theeeennn you dont have to deal with anyone ! =oD ! *happy face*
i have a severly distorted view of my own self. its.. horrid.. partly because of all the constant um, dislike from the people i well.. dont.. dislike? i think.. that its getting progressively worse as the days go on.. i looked in the mirror today and was repulsed.. then i stood on the scale and lo-and-behold it was a weight that previously i had been o__K with. so now im trying to lose more.. to be okay.
but i am okay.
tommorrow will be another day..
i dont like how guys like playing games with me. im so straight up tell it to your face (most of the time) please dont play games.. because.. i fall for it so easily. though i dont let *anyone* know.. i do. and im absolutely hopeless.
blechy
now.. onto i guess one of the last parts.. so.. im pretty tough on the outside.. dont let people in alot.. dont let anyone.. know whats going on.. only because.. they dont *really* care.. no matter how much anyone says "oh mindy i care so much about what you are saying." i think its a lie.. i think that no matter what anyone says.. they dont honestly give a damn. i can say that with the utmost confidence that i know im right. cause.. its *hard* to trust people. because they will inevitably stab you in the back.. it has always happened.. and probably always will.. prove me wrong.
moving backwards.. i get tired of people thinking im stupid.. no.. im not taking a full load of hard ap classes.. dont dog me out jsut becaus ei like things easy.. so wahtever ont aht point
(feels good to blog again)
i miss robin.. a lot. at times shes like.. the only person who i know is there.. and who i know.. knows? i trust her. and thats about it.
okay now for my current friends? dunno so much about trust on that. i just get "talked down" to so much that its weird to say "oh yea i trust that person!" when.. they dont honestly want to know what im saying
can i say that one more time?
THEY DONT CARE
and i dont care that they dont.
yes.. i do =o/
i dont know if i can help feeling like this. i just dont know what else to do anymore. i want to be normal. normal normal normal.
why cant i do that?!?!!?!
because... they wont see past who they think i am.. to who i really am.
-me..
hold me closer on Monday, December 15, 2003 at 08:51 p.m.
+//needs a massive re-doing.+||
s i need a massive redoing.... *sih* i jsut ened a theme... and motivation.
life is broing.. im so sorry i avent updating.
ive been.. confused? maybe? dunno. confusing. im atually somewhat looking forward to going to va.. cause thi year.. i look pretty good =o) halfway decent to say the least.. so .. to all the pplw ho didn tlike me up there.. well.. now check me out =oD anyways. im all about this new look. couple of more poudns and ill be ideal.
no real guy situation.. as always.. just.. boring same ol'. think im goin thursday to see LOTR w/ marqus. which will be cool.. if i can go=o)
dunno whatim doing anymore. =o/
me.
hold me closer on Sunday, December 14, 2003 at 12:38 a.m.
||+blogging/friends~fakefun~+||
right. guess they dont apply. im very tired of everyone. im so finished. im just washing my hands clean of all this stupid crap. so.. "friendship" thats a marvelously wicked thing isnt it? dont be the fake child you are to my face, get the inside scoop then BAM jab that knife right in there.. that friends list keeps shrinking.. it seems so childish the way people act. lets talk childish. having to conceal your thoughts from people for fear of how they will act ont hem. how bout that. childish is fakefriendships and other bullshit that just pisses me the hell off. holy freaking crap. "why is EVERYONE so fucking IGNORANT !!!" --mia.. =o[] AAAAARRRRGGG!!!!! i just dont understand. i have no freaking clue . someone want to explain? blech. i dont know why eveyrone has overlooked me. you just have to wonder how much they overlook sometimes........ *drifts into long silence* so.. rules of friendship.. complete crap.here's true friendship
moi[12:00 AM]: =o) ya love me anyway right?
Mia [12:00 AM]: of course
Trenty[11:59 PM]: I don't know what I would do without you either.
moi [11:59 PM]: not watch swc at my hosue thats for sure
Trenty [12:00 AM]: Well, of course.
well i dotn udnerstand. and i never will. but. i have learned from this time. and i will NOT make that mistake again. ever. and i mean it. i know... roll your eyes.. however, once this break is over.. expect to see a brand new revamped Moi. and ill knock your ass out. because i just dont give a DAMN anymore. (i shifted from self pity to.. fuck you guys.) i think ill just shift back into me.. i need to just be me.. and stop caring what everyone else thinks.. or trusting people i shouldnt.. or saying things that i KNOW i will regret.
damn me for doing it again holy shit. i did it again. they did it again. that one person. did it. again. and here i am going "derr..?" so DAMN annoying. i want to rip my hair out. holy crap. i just.. im in shock. you just dont do that. you DONT DO THAT! what a miserable person. dont be malicious, when i can be 1 million times worse. i can be anyones worst nightmare EASILY. . because im a "cold heartless bitch" direct quote from.. a certain someone.
oh joey? dislikes all of them. LOL we had a discussion im like "do you know.. blahblah?" hes like "oh i hate him.. and him.. and GOD i hated her. seh was so stupid." good. at least hes one.
well this is certainly a LONG blog. i should really start doing it again. all the time. i think im giving up my xanga. because a. its stupid and b. i have to censor everything i write ANYWAY, s owhats the point of posting?
let me make an oath not to fall for bullshit anymore. im so FREAKIN sick of people. absolutely. entirely. be completely self absorbed i just dont even give a flying flippidy shit. okay ? im out.
-moi.
hold me closer on Wednesday, November 26, 2003 at 11:32 p.m.
||+*sihg*+||
lack of excitment. boring. blech. i need a new layout. i need an angry layout. becaus eim sick of everyone. ugh. just freaking fed up with the entire highschool. because its all drama and retarded. and UGH i hate highschool. like.. indefinately. you know what i hate most? when people are all "oh yea he totally likes you" and then they get your hopes all up and then it turns areound and hits you in the face like a pissed off fatman would if you snatched the last chicken leg. (you know fatguys and their chicken legs. =o.) anyways. bck to what i was saying. just like last year with a person i refuse to name. yea. it was all "oh yea mindy hes totally into you" and i, who didnt even notice the idiot until after this.. was like "hey maybe he does" then im all.. okay well that works out for me then. and suddenly i get the damn carpet pulled out form under me. now with the stupid kid. and the stupid stupid people. and the.. stupid me. UGH. i still maintain that it "cant be everyone. so it must be me" ugh.
Moi [7:15 PM]: i hate them
Mia [7:15 PM]: me too
thats my quote that sums it all. Thomas has been uber nice to me lately. and really boosted self esteem when i was getting iffy. (like.. lower than ususal.) by telling me im the prettiest girl at morrow. of course.. its nice to hear.. but i just dont see it.. im so fall on the shelf i guess. blech. im putting myself out to pasture.
my mia is sick =o( i dont like that at all. *frownie face* i hope you feel better.. PROMISE IT WILL BE DIFFERENT! hopefully ill get to see you when i get up there.
well.. guess id better get. there are many things going on lately. i have a shirt to complete.. or...... something. i dont know. long weened etc. thank god. i cant take much more of htis.
-melina
hold me closer on Tuesday, November 25, 2003 at 07:26 p.m.
||+Lyrics-thatilove-+||
Clay Aiken: Invisible
that man is so gorgeous. and i totally feel like this all the time.. i think i found a new theme song *dance*
What are you doing tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Still in your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive
[Chorus]
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)
I saw your face in the crowd
I called out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could be what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life
[Chorus]
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)
I reach out
But you don't even see me
Even when I'm screaming
Baby, you don't hear me
I am nothing without you
Just a shadow passing through...
[Repeat Chorus]
i love this song. i think i just found a new themesong...... *prepares for intensive blog re-do-age.*
-moi
hold me closer on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 at 08:34 p.m.
||+Lyrics-thatilove-+||
Clay Aiken: Invisible
that man is so gorgeous. and i totally feel like this all the time.. i think i found a new theme song *dance*
What are you doing tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Still in your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive
[Chorus]
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)
I saw your face in the crowd
I called out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could be what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life
[Chorus]
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)
I reach out
But you don't even see me
Even when I'm screaming
Baby, you don't hear me
I am nothing without you
Just a shadow passing through...
[Repeat Chorus]
i love this song. i think i just found a new themesong...... *prepares for intensive blog re-do-age.*
-moi
hold me closer on Tuesday, November 18, 2003 at 08:34 p.m.
||+hiya+||
okay well .. these past few days have been uneventful.. yesterday.. i was driving home from petco.. when i heard a strange thunking noise.. and then when i would turn really deep i would here noises like i was going over railroad tracks. so i get home.. and look under my car.. *dreadful sound* and my muffler had halfway fallen down *sob* i almost cried. a long and bitter cry of an angry teenager with dread and remorse. (that was a whole lot of big words which really dont make sense together) anyways..
so i ate at chickfila. it was a whole lot of not so great. it wasnt very tasty. although i do like the fries. however the coolwrap makes me want to vomit. and i think i might... anyways. did see who iwent to see there... that cute guy with the camero. however i ddi see ashlee myers.. and TR who was like "MINDY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE SWEETIE?!!?" im like wow now that all of chick-fila knows that mindy is here... =o/ and.. thats about the most eventful thing this evening
going tomorrow to get the new muffler... hopefully itll be able to be driven (driveable???) by monday =oP *crosses figners* well.. in other enws...
saw no cutie with camaro (cwc?? LOL) *sigh*
-me
ps talking to trent. more later
hold me closer on Friday, November 14, 2003 at 06:53 p.m.
||+healthy attraction+||
okay i think i finally have a healthy attraction to someone. (I KNOW!!!! its such a shock right?) hes really really cute. and i can finally have a crush on someone.. and have them not be stupid.. i guess. in the whole one 2-minute conversation i had with him.. he seemed really nice. hes a year.. ish.. younger than me.. even though i think its more like "a couple of months" cause he was drivign in september of 10th gradei think. well.. ig otta go im talking to NIICCOOOLEE!!!!!!!!!
me.
hold me closer on Monday, November 10, 2003 at 08:15 p.m.
||+Crueler Irony+|| ..pt.one
((these are random paragraphs from my notebook..))
everything i hate. The epitome. why does he affect me? why cant i displace him? hes all consuming. he penetrates and lives in the darkest regions of my mind. why cant he leave my mind alone? im not safe in my mind. last night it betrayed me and dreampt of imaginary situations involving him. hes always there. he and all his imperfections. why doesnt he see me? why am i invisible he looks through me. past me. around me. never at me. why cant he feel me? why do i keep letting him in? why cant i let go? hes all ive got. all i cant ignore. all i cant forget. all i hate. all i want. why do i want that? what is wrong with me? i hate him. so much more than you'll know. more than he knows more than i know.i just cant understand. i cant figure myself out. why cant i let him be? why cant i feel anything for anyone else? i want to. i hate him. with a passion he cant see the passion i have. why cant he see the sparks? the fireworks. its a cruel irony.
authors note: i wrote this in government 10.22.03... feeling particularly pissed at an individual whom i despise.. loathe.. abhor.. detest.. etc fill in the blank. even though i really dont.. i kind of do dislike him. oh whatever i dont know about my mind anymore
-moi again.
hold me closer on Sunday, November 2, 2003 at 10:51 p.m.
||+hey why dont you shut the hell up+||
gar. that pissed me off so much. i was highly annoyed for the entire rest of the day. okay so i wasnt. but still. it was awfully rude. so im "sick" so i wont be going to school *fake cough follwed by sarcastic eyeroll* too bad. looks like ill be missing out on a whole lot of nothing. a-woo-hoo. *makes face* so that guy in the gray camaro is cute right? i was actually kind of suprised. on seeing him the second time i was like "you know.. damn you are cute huh?"
i dont know waht im doing socially anymore. and i dont even really care. i just want highschool to be done and over with so i can go to college. hopefully the people there will be different. i dont know why everyone thinksi t will be. its the same people in highschool that go to college. *heavy sigh* its hopeless. this generation is so stupid.
the only way i feel connected to anyone is through the internet. how sad is that? thats the only way i can talk to the one person that i really really want to talk to . (mia =*oD) oh well.
-moi
hold me closer on Sunday, November 2, 2003 at 07:21 p.m.
||+lets go jew tipping+||
dont ask. youll be so annoyed by my explanation to that crap. anyways. today was celebrity day. i was Christina [xtina/] aguilera. it was funtimes. i think she is so pretty. at lunch today jacob made my whole day funtimes because he looked at me for a second and then said all nonchalantly "you really do look like christina aguilera" maybe it was the nose ring or the black braids.. but that totally made my day lovely. because it was so casual. =o) my hair was ugly by the end of the day *sigh* toga day is friday.. im excited im trying to get my toga all figured out.. but those damn things are complicated. i might just summon a greecian spirit to assist me =o) only kidding kinda
i got into my car yesterday.. and i just cried and cried. and i really dont know why. i havent done that in a long time. i dont know whats with this new cycle. its unusually annoying.. there is jsut so much to do and not enough time to do it all in. i dont know whats wrong. maybe im crazy. ive just been annoyed/weepy/mopey. so if i dont feel like hanging out.. its not you its me
saw lewis today. he was all dressed up like justin timberlake. i felt we were fitting for each other. which is neato-burrito or something to that effect
sicne i hate hippies i am not dressing up tomorrow. i feel its a stupid day. =o) (there goes the mood again.)
well.. i guess thats all for now..
me.
hold me closer on Wednesday, October 29, 2003 at 09:00 p.m.
||+so whats wrong with me+||
so wahts wrong with me currently ? what meaningless problem is inflicting me on the surface???? i have no idea. i just cant make it stop. im being devoured by melancholy. and i have no idea why. who cares anyway? not anyone. thats why its soOoOo fun. fun-times. i dont know whats the matter with me anymore. an di dont even care. its getting to the point.. again.. where im just at this lull.
and when i talk to people.. i feel like they dont even hear me. i feel like its like "oh. okay" withe veryone.. kinda like "yea.. i dont really care." and i know there will be people going "oh mindy you know im totally there for you!" but i jsut dont feel it. i feel bitter sarcasm and annoyance. so ill write it all down. (im glad i ahve this thing cause nobody reads it anymore myuahaha)
maybe im in need of a new friend. joey completely fell through because hes totally not cool.. and everything in generally feels like its falling apart. and i dont know where im at anymore.
moi.
hold me closer on Saturday, October 25, 2003 at 11:58 p.m.
||+big ol' belt buckle||+
k. anyways. country western day is monday. *yawn* i believe im going to dress up all alabama-y teehee. anyways. not much going on lately. nothing truely interesting. homecoming week is next week. halloween is next friday. w00h00. its gonna be fun.. for real. hve to alter this shirt tomorrow.. which is still breaking dresscode..b ut i love it. ill get a picture once im done... so everyone can see the current moi =o/ i love how fast smg's hair grows. its like.. annoyingly quick and always looks cute. how come my hair isnt all cutsey like that??? (ugh) anyways. i guess id better fly. nothing at all exciting. LOL how dull. maybe ill say things that are actually on my mind and have everyone get all pissed off at me =oX nahh.
-you know who.
hold me closer on Friday, October 24, 2003 at 11:29 p.m.
||+is it fixed?+||
oh how i love my blog. *glompz* (ohh i stole that from kay-tee mwahaha) im not taking stats anymore. so i have the easiest schedule in the universe. Teacher Cadet.. English.. (which is a breeze) Office Aide.. and Gov't.. all of which r0x0r cause they're freaking easy as hell =o) aanywyas. nothing much has been up lately. just been over here.. bored. buffy is going to have its last season.. starting tomorrow.. on FX ! YAY (is that sad that my big yay of the week is buffy??) i talked to Laura (lewis's sister) at Goody's for a while yesterday.. she goes to GA State.. and we were discussing the school.. and life and stuff.. apparently ga state is a pretty nifty school. i have to stay close to alabama so mia can visit me =o) and i can go visit her in alabamalama =oDDD
no real drama in my life.. its basically at a standstill. although, i find myself not really attracted to that guy joey .. like i thought i was.. cause suddenly im like.. God.. he just htinks hes a Gansta (but.. hes a wanksta... and he needs to stop "frontinT" LOLOL) seriously. hes not as badass as he thinks he is. at all. plus his redneck "boiiii" is all up in the middle ofthat.. and its jsut annoying
ill stick to my crush on the guy that hates me. those are the best kind. because he'll just reject me some more.. until my self esteem is low.. and.. then all thats left to do.. oh wait.. thats not good.
laura wasl ike "college is totally different. you would like ga state. its diverse. and theres not the same stupid drama" i think morrow puts a curse on its students.. to make them miserable.
i guess id better get.
-me.
hold me closer on Thursday, October 23, 2003 at 06:28 p.m.
//+highschool RULEZ only.. notsomuch
(i miss you robin) Ahhh the sanctity of the damn psychommunity.. i love this, cause i dont have to pay for it *jumps and giggles* woo that was all .. not.. even kind of how i am. anyways. need to rant/vent/something. school is completely stupid. statistics is going to suck my soul out and then ill be like an empty shell of a human. patheticly miserable because statistics is SO FREAKING GAY and not good gay.. like willow/tara gay. like bad gay. like.. mean butch lesbian gay. enough relating this. lets discuss further. the class is way too overcrowded and full of people who think "yay ap class! lets chitchat" ill admit that i do my fair share of talking.. but when a person ahs their hand up for the ENTIRE CLASS PERIOD and the teacher NEVER GETS TO ME then theres a problem. wouldnt you agree???? i would. moving on.
homecoming court nominations were this week. i would have died if i was nominated. not bad die. like good OMG YAY IM ON THE HOMECOMING COURT AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! but no. because i think im unpopular or soemthing. maybe. i dont know. but still. i would have been elated. full of rapture. totally played it off like "oh man who did that!!! AHH im gonna die cause its so embarassing" etc.. but inside going "omgggg someone thought i was preeeetty!!" no. enough of that cause thats done and over with am i right? *gag* i didnt want to even be nominated. its a stupid popularity contest and i wouldnt win right? ugh.
moving along. been confused.. i guess? lately ???? who knows. my social life Sux0rz the big one. seriously. im falling back into that same path i did last year... and i feel myself being attracted to someone i shouldnt be attracted to.. (kay its been going on for a while.. and nobody knows) and then of course theres nobody else around so why not get rejected by some guy .. who hates me like the plague. its such a pattern. oh yea.. i just feel very alone i guess? like.. not in the relationship way.. but like.. friendship wise.. i just write my letters to robin. and hope that she doesnt think im stupid. even though i dont know what i am anymore. im jsut at a confused place. i just wish everything was okay .. maybe someone will move in ? nah. thats so tired.. that whole fantasy.. maybe danny will see me in VA.. when im up there....... *sigh* thats another tired fantasy. danny is my saftey net. hes always there.. that.. being of danny.. he has no idea who i am anymore, im lik e99.98% sure.. but i remember him like you wouldnt believe.
how come the nasty girls get the guys? OH RIGHT cause they're all hoey. duhhhokay well thats solved. how come the decent guys like the hoey girls? how come the hawties like the hoey girls. are they THAT hard up to have sex???????? its absolutely disgusting. just once can a guy not be all about the s-e-x? its NOT THAT EXCITING , so im told. 5 whole minutes? arrrr
i guess i just need to snap out of this stupid bull. im tired of people. tired of the fakey people who are all "oh i dont know anything about anything"
and not to mention the tentacles of the beast are spreading to other boys now. so exciting. pretty soon all the world will be under the spell. and ill be sitting back going "where did i go wrong?"
anyone know wher ei went wrong? because i'd appreciate some insight. okay. i guess i had better get going now. i will blog more later...
-moi.
i cant save you. i cant save me. i cant save anyone. i cant help anyone anymore. i cant help myself. i cant help you. where are you when i need you ? i miss you and i need you (you know who you are) why cant you sign on and tell me im okay. because everything is so messed up. did we all die or am i missing something? he just slipped into the oblivion like the rest of us. and i had hope for him. hope like you wouldnt believe. i was alive. he was alive. we're all alive.. and then.. bam. he took away my life support. its unfair that i couldnt do anything. DAMMIT. im so sorry for everything. i wish i was there. i wish i helped. i wish i was better. someone make the sad go away please. because i dont know how.
hold me closer on Tuesday, October 7, 2003 at 07:37 p.m.
//+highschool RULEZ only.. notsomuch
(i miss you robin) Ahhh the sanctity of the damn psychommunity.. i love this, cause i dont have to pay for it *jumps and giggles* woo that was all .. not.. even kind of how i am. anyways. need to rant/vent/something. school is completely stupid. statistics is going to suck my soul out and then ill be like an empty shell of a human. patheticly miserable because statistics is SO FREAKING GAY and not good gay.. like willow/tara gay. like bad gay. like.. mean butch lesbian gay. enough relating this. lets discuss further. the class is way too overcrowded and full of people who think "yay ap class! lets chitchat" ill admit that i do my fair share of talking.. but when a person ahs their hand up for the ENTIRE CLASS PERIOD and the teacher NEVER GETS TO ME then theres a problem. wouldnt you agree???? i would. moving on.
homecoming court nominations were this week. i would have died if i was nominated. not bad die. like good OMG YAY IM ON THE HOMECOMING COURT AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! but no. because i think im unpopular or soemthing. maybe. i dont know. but still. i would have been elated. full of rapture. totally played it off like "oh man who did that!!! AHH im gonna die cause its so embarassing" etc.. but inside going "omgggg someone thought i was preeeetty!!" no. enough of that cause thats done and over with am i right? *gag* i didnt want to even be nominated. its a stupid popularity contest and i wouldnt win right? ugh.
moving along. been confused.. i guess? lately ???? who knows. my social life Sux0rz the big one. seriously. im falling back into that same path i did last year... and i feel myself being attracted to someone i shouldnt be attracted to.. (kay its been going on for a while.. and nobody knows) and then of course theres nobody else around so why not get rejected by some guy .. who hates me like the plague. its such a pattern. oh yea.. i just feel very alone i guess? like.. not in the relationship way.. but like.. friendship wise.. i just write my letters to robin. and hope that she doesnt think im stupid. even though i dont know what i am anymore. im jsut at a confused place. i just wish everything was okay .. maybe someone will move in ? nah. thats so tired.. that whole fantasy.. maybe danny will see me in VA.. when im up there....... *sigh* thats another tired fantasy. danny is my saftey net. hes always there.. that.. being of danny.. he has no idea who i am anymore, im lik e99.98% sure.. but i remember him like you wouldnt believe.
how come the nasty girls get the guys? OH RIGHT cause they're all hoey. duhhhokay well thats solved. how come the decent guys like the hoey girls? how come the hawties like the hoey girls. are they THAT hard up to have sex???????? its absolutely disgusting. just once can a guy not be all about the s-e-x? its NOT THAT EXCITING , so im told. 5 whole minutes? arrrr
i guess i just need to snap out of this stupid bull. im tired of people. tired of the fakey people who are all "oh i dont know anything about anything"
and not to mention the tentacles of the beast are spreading to other boys now. so exciting. pretty soon all the world will be under the spell. and ill be sitting back going "where did i go wrong?"
anyone know wher ei went wrong? because i'd appreciate some insight. okay. i guess i had better get going now. i will blog more later...
-moi.
hold me closer on Tuesday, October 7, 2003 at 07:37 p.m.
//+more of highschool fun
i think im living vicariously through buffy. seriously. like.. thats my reality. because.. mine is kinda crappy. id rather fight a whole buttload of vampires and have teh GORGEOUS James Marsters follow me around than.. sitting in school bored off of my ass. which.. is dull. if you couldnt tell.. school is my least favourite thing.. in the history of favourite things. its really REALLY boring. mr. cannon is pretty nice.. he lets me leave if we arent doing anything.. so i LoOff him. and.. mrs clarke is okay.. ms hughes is nice.. and mrs lowe is greattttttt.. but still.. school.. with the rules.. and the dress code.. and teh ugh. anyways
we missed you todya jamie. =o( esp in 3rd. jess had to sit next to matt.. and.. be all.. near matt.. and isnt that bad enough?
anwyays.. i will jsut live vicariously through buffy. because.. thats when i feel all calm. im like YEA i wanna kick some vampy ass baaaaaaby!@ WOO !
k, i have a 15 year old hitting onme .. ((egoboost)) he thinks im bee-u-dee-ful.. LOL !!! ah kids. =o* im out.
-moi
hold me closer on Monday, October 6, 2003 at 07:30 p.m.
//*gotta love highschool.
except you dont. LOL people talk bad about me apparently (*thx fer fillin me in prestonia. i looove you) the kids in the morning.. who come into hurley's room.. think im a bitch ! and a poseur.. AAAANNNNDDD a HO ! *jawdrop* i know.. let the shock soak in.. just absorb it all.. okay.. bitch ill give you.. yea.. i know.. and i do say it myself. im a self-proclaimed evil bitch. but you know what? there are plllent of them.. and okay poseur? didnt our freshman/sophmore class INVENT that term? i mean HELLO? do we not see the fakey kids walkin around being all hardcore and giving themselves paper cuts being self-proclaimed cutters.. shopping at hottopic thinking they are original?? HAH dont mak eme laugh. okay sorry for the psoer rant. anwyays.. a HO?!?!?! okay. that just pushes every button i own. because what the hell???? you dont even know me dont sayi m a ho ??? yea.. okay i wear small clothes theres a difference between a "ho" and dressing "quasi-sexy" because thats what i do. since when does a ho wear jeans and long skirts? i mean seriously. yea i psuhed the envelope with the schoolgirl outfit.. but really now. sorry YOURE fat and cant wear it. people are ... UGHY. so if some ppl think it.. who else thinks it you know ? probalby everyone. ill never get a date in highschool. they're all lik e"shes a hobitch." UGH stupid. i hate highschool. i want to move. im going to go to Florida Metropolitan. they're hot in fla. i hate freaking mhs. they suck SUUUUCKSUCKSUCKSUCKSUCK. people USCK. UGH
-moi.
hold me closer on Sunday, October 5, 2003 at 08:37 p.m.
||+i want a guy who will be my friend+||
HAHAAHH!! Yea freakin' right. i want a guy whos not boring how bout that?? i know im so uber picky. anyways got a site *freaks* it has sexay pictures of moi on it *devilish grin*the addy is chickvicious.iwarp.com its "unpleasant" and it also has the quote book on it!
-me =o/
hold me closer on Sunday, October 5, 2003 at 01:07 a.m.
//*6 years old
i guess i am.. i have no mm.. look at HER in me? im awkward and it shows. no other word to describe it.. like.. im 6. no ability to be all rawr (my brain isnt functionaing with the vocabulary-isms..) im just plain ol vanilla flavoured girl. plaine jane i guess. it doesnt make eny sense to me.. iget so sick of "ohgolly mindy youre SO pretty you must have tons of guys!" or.. "oh youre so pretty what guy wouldnt want you???!" um.. i have a long list. including several repeat offenders who i keep falling into that delicious trap with. i know here's what comes next "what about the car line dood" YEAAAA!! how about the guy who is a redneck whos bigtime into doin the sex thing. oh and the hawtie friend? yeaa he loves those one nighters. me? notsomuchintothat. what is it? guys see me as "oh yea id do her.. but eeh not date." which sucks? oh YAY i could get LAAAIIID! theres a plus. am i bringing it on myself? probably. do i care? no. so i wrote this whole rant in government cause i dont talk to anyone. im like the loser girl in that class =o/ and cause my friends havve too much to worry about besides my ridiculous whitegirlwhines. plus i hate the "oh mindy dont be silly" in that ridiculous condescending tone. cause afterall sweet mindy must not know the truth. so.. yippie-skippie. my day was bleh. cause i looked blech and its october mood. thank God my car loves me. is that sad? i think an inanimate object loves me? it is nice to be needed. its good to be needed.. too bad its not real human emotion. i doubt i could handle that anyway. am i hopeless? are all guys like this? nah. it has to be me. but what about me. how much weight do i have to lose.?how much do i have to keep altering myself.? is it fair? is it my personality.? am i a massive bitch with a huge 'tude? some of my friends,enemies, exes etc might say yes. hoever i see rude-y bitch girls with dates. im 6 year old annoying. thats it. ive decided. i guess its time to change again. ill just go on a diet. try to lose 5 pounds. cause i think im fat again. ew. but im fine. i feel better now. ijust needed to rant it out. and decide it was unfair. but i dont care. ill get over it. who cares really. not me. im over it. done. finished.
-moi
hold me closer on Friday, October 3, 2003 at 10:49 p.m.
//*beowulf..
okay top 3 reasons i dont like school #1. the people are really dumb (except the select few) #2. beowulf is really terrible and boring (i love mrs lowe though.) and #3. the.. people really suck. (=oD) okay. but i cant fall back into the skipping routine from last year. *shiverS* i have to go to school... i have to go to school... In other news... that guy i gave my # to? umm. well hes not really my type but his friend.. is Wayyy cute. like uber cute. and... apparently he thinks im mad hot HOWEVER im off limits? *giggle* dont ever say that! now id try to date the friend jsut to piss off the other guy =o) muahahahha in other news.. james you wanna go seal clubbing? its reat to rid your frustrations.. plus they're so cute when you hit em =oDDDD *winkwinkwink* hehehe.. i know people are gonna read that and flame me huh? hahahah! we got DSL. its wicked cool. so my new email... viciouspunkangel@comcast.net gotta change it up ont he ol' about me thing huh? anyways.. i guess i gotta fly. ill talk to yall later..
-mindy
hold me closer on Thursday, October 2, 2003 at 09:30 p.m.
||+I DID IT+||
Thank GOD i finally changed from those damn cherries. heheeheheh okay just a quick blogy tonight. everything is totally updated and i do promise i wont neglet you again precious =o* OH FYI: IIII can put links you all on skanga. LOL you guys suck the big one =o)
me
PS i did the whole layout all by myself. no teplate that i followed or anything =o) cool huh?
hold me closer on Sunday, September 28, 2003 at 10:12 p.m.