.be in love with night.
Hie everyone. how have you been? i just watched kevin james... omg that guy is so funny.. everything he said was so freakin' true. i love comedians. they are so true and i always get in a good mood when i watch them. hehe. anyyways. me lisa and trent are going ice skating tomorrow "i reckon" it will be fun. i hope i hope i hope. trent hasnt ever been ice skating. i think he should be a stand up comedian. he is so hilarious. him and chris both are funny! trent was going on about skate guards.. and stuff.. and he just thinks about it off of the top of his head (i assume) And its really funny.. well anyways. i had better get going.. longer blog later *psyche*

Your thoughts were corrupted at 10:32 p.m. on Friday, November 16, 2001

HOCKEY! *growl*
*snarl!* ~*BiTe*~ okay. we seriously need more sports over here in high school land! i swear! tain't NOTHING over here. i hope that everyone checked "yes" for ice hockey on their sports surveys. i REALLY REALLY REALLY want to play ice hockey. its like the only thing i'd be able to letter in. PLUS i'd be able to whoop some ass. you guys are quivering in your boxers arent you? =0D (LOL maki- is it itchy yet? VILLLE!) i know that i'd whoop some ass in hockey. because not only would theyat first go easy on me.. im just a delicate flower.. but then when they found out the true "Wrath of Jingles" they'd go hard on me. which would push me to be as good as i can! so they're screwed either way! wahah! okay anyways. hockey is fun. i dont know all the rules and stuff.. i know the basics.. but i dont know alot of the rules to the sports i love. (besides figure skating.. it ain't that hard to figure out lol) because i never play em like team-wise. hehe i always go back to "broom roller hockey" too much fun! ahha! okay well im outta here =0* jingles

Your thoughts were corrupted at 11:54 p.m. on Saturday, November 10, 2001

its not fair to deny me of the cross i bear that you gave to me
~*well, well.? where to begin. remember how i said me and matt were going out? well we arent. lol he broke up with me.. after. what four days? he said "he didnt feel the spark" im glad, because i didnt either. its like we were missing something... oh well! but now hes being a complete asshole.. which i dont like. =0P but trenty and christoph are being nice to me. so thats good. hehe. anyways. i have 11 Mp3's! i am entering thenew age! woo! we were listening to michael jackson. now im going to go find some of his music. DANNY BEFUMO WAS EXPELLED?!?!?!!? WHAT?!?!!?!? okay thats all luv korkster

Your thoughts were corrupted at 11:02 p.m. on Friday, November 9, 2001

aaagony! =0)
hehe j/p. quick blog tonight. i sprained my wrist, but im owrking it off.. ill be fine by tomorrow. i am NOT going to the hospital i HATE it there! =0P!!!!!!! matt said "expect the unexpected." i have no idea what that is supposed to mean. i know he got grrrrounded =0O he gets online SO FREAKIN EARLY! i am online until wayyyyyyyyy late and he gets on at like 8:00-ish =0O how does that happen!? woowzers. well im fixing to make me a webpage.. typing is really hurting my wrist so more latah. ciao....

Your thoughts were corrupted at 11:36 p.m. on Saturday, November 3, 2001

alright.. let the corruption begin
AHH! LIsa has been corrupted. i thought i had seen the worst. but they seriously need a neon flashing sign that says "PDA"! ohhh its so funny. lisa was so innocent... but now shes not! LOL i have one thing to say.. "Alright for lisa!" im glad for her and thomas =0D and i tell you what. those stupid girls better not try anything with him. and he better not give in! (its the untrusting bull in me lol) OOhhh i heard the funniest promo for lava life.. it goes "i had no idea you were so good at.. foreplay!" and "i had no idea you were so good with.. your tongue." and "maybe we could go searching for... my g-spot." "you made me so happy when you... showed up!" hahahah it has me rolling. its like a fill in the blank thing. very funny

Your thoughts were corrupted at 11:51 p.m. on Friday, November 2, 2001

times have changed.
Hey. Well i haven't blogged in a long while. So sorry. Well on the 30th Matt brought me rose and a poem.. and he asked me out.. and DUH i said yes =0* I think I made Michele angry.. but I have not a care about it. I don't know if Tiffany is mad at me or not. If she is, I haven't a clue as to why. Yesterday and on All Hallow's Eve we had our plays. on the 31st we did alright.. we covered our mistakes....... then came last night. HORRIBLE!!! I totally messed up everything! =0P I'm such a screw up. I swear to grief. I got completely horrible feeling right before we went on. I have no idea why. I was onstage..doing the scene.. skipping lines.. messing up the whoooolle thing =*0( and like i just kept leaning down more and more on Jocelynn's shoulder.. I just about passed out. Check THIS out. I had on bronzer and poweder.. and when i came offstage everyone was telling me how pale i was. Thats when i decided to leave... i wanted to stay and see Matt perform... but i couldnt. i got home.. and i was freezing cold. My back is KILLING me. Jerry said "Who broke her?" lol! thats what i feel like though ! like im one of those barbie dolls that you chew on.. GAH! everyones yelling at me!!!!! i want to go to sleep. but im not tired. my arm kills =0P!!! well i am such a complainer =*0( and a screw up AUUUGHHHHH im so charlie brown hehehehehe well im off for now. quiches> korky

Your thoughts were corrupted at 09:58 p.m. on Friday, November 2, 2001

Please Don't Step On The Mome Raths
The Mome Raths? Why, Hello again! We're painting the roses red. we're painting the roses red! not pink, not green, not aquamarine! yes we're painting the roses red! =P i LOVE that movie. Alice in Wonderland. Right now you could say anything you wanted to say to me, and it wouldnt upset me in the least bit =0P If IIII had a world of my own everything would be nonsense. everything would be what it isn't.. and what it is.. it wouldnt be. and contrarywise what it isn't it would.. you see? i would totally click in alice's world. lets see.. stay here in reality with liars backstabbers etc.etc. or be in a world of madness! (*you may have noticed.. that im not all there myself.*) a VERY merry unbirthday to you!!!!! i feel like i have just regained my own world. dear, dear me. what ever will i do when monday comes. ? maybe i should just live in my nonsense world where all my books are full of pictures.. there would be no evil queen of hearts.. but i would enjoy a tea party or two. care to join me in my fantasy world?

Your thoughts were corrupted at 10:21 p.m. on Saturday, October 27, 2001

can i fall asleep and never wake up?
YAY! can I please? Well, I haven't blogged, but I've written. I'm not copying it down on my site, because i dont feel like it. i have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.. i feel like im dead/dying on the inside. Once again more folk to screw with my head. I'm told by Matt that he "never really loved me" how NICE! well its not like its the first time. People say it but its not like they mean it. Ever. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. He's all telling me "oh just leave!" maybe i will. i swear. it must be the thrill of pushing someone over the edge. i am horrible grossed out on the inside. my stomach is in a heap of knots. i wish i knew what to do. he says "something BIG is going to happen on halloween" f'that! what the hell ?! daaaggone. I know what i am to him.. im "the thing that wouldnt go away!" he hates his Ex-Girlfriends, but they all just leave him alone. Trenty is his friend, and my friend. well, what you could call a friend. I really am all alone. I have 2 or three actual literal friends. the rest are just aquaintences. i wish i knew what to do. have you ever slid a knife across your wrist and begged for the courage to press down? i beg for the courage to put it down. "Fairy Tales cannot fool me now." i just DONNNNTTTT KNNNNOOWWWWWWWW WHHHAAAATTTT IIII SHHHOOOOUUULLLLDDDD TTTHHHHIIINNNNKKKKKKKKK ANNNYYYMORRRE! someone help me. He plays around.. but maybe hes not. he probably isnt. i doubt he ever loved me. i doubt itvery truely. why? because i believe that i will live my life alone. i believe that i will live my life alone, w/o anyone. but its okay.. i've accepted that. to the very core. it was hard.. but life goes on. there is more to life than being w/ someone.. correct? yes, yes i think not. but its fine. im fine. really.

Your thoughts were corrupted at 11:11 p.m. on Friday, October 26, 2001

can i fall asleep and never wake up?
YAY! can I please? Well, I haven't blogged, but I've written. I'm not copying it down on my site, because i dont feel like it. i have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.. i feel like im dead/dying on the inside. Once again more folk to screw with my head. I'm told by Matt that he "never really loved me" how NICE! well its not like its the first time. People say it but its not like they mean it. Ever. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. He's all telling me "oh just leave!" maybe i will. i swear. it must be the thrill of pushing someone over the edge. i am horrible grossed out on the inside. my stomach is in a heap of knots. i wish i knew what to do. he says "something BIG is going to happen on halloween" f'that! what the hell ?! daaaggone. I know what i am to him.. im "the thing that wouldnt go away!" he hates his Ex-Girlfriends, but they all just leave him alone. Trenty is his friend, and my friend. well, what you could call a friend. I really am all alone. I have 2 or three actual literal friends. the rest are just aquaintences. i wish i knew what to do. have you ever slid a knife across your wrist and begged for the courage to press down? i beg for the courage to put it down. "Fairy Tales cannot fool me now." i just DONNNNTTTT KNNNNOOWWWWWWWW WHHHAAAATTTT IIII SHHHOOOOUUULLLLDDDD TTTHHHHIIINNNNKKKKKKKKK ANNNYYYMORRRE! someone help me. He plays around.. but maybe hes not. he probably isnt. i doubt he ever loved me. i doubt itvery truely. why? because i believe that i will live my life alone. i believe that i will live my life alone, w/o anyone. but its okay.. i've accepted that. to the very core. it was hard.. but life goes on. there is more to life than being w/ someone.. correct? yes, yes i think not. but its fine. im fine. really.

Your thoughts were corrupted at 11:11 p.m. on Friday, October 26, 2001

--*i'm waiting..for you*--
Well, well, well. Today. Facinating. I can't wait for Monday. Do NOT take any sort of anger you may have out on me. I am not in the mood for people's BS anymore. Please, please, PLEASE don't tell me any kind of mean things. I'm tired of hearing it. It really does me no good to hear "oo you are mean.. and stupid." ehh look who's talking. Anyways. I sold pumpkins today.. wore a bunny costume (black pants.. black shirt.. bunny ears.. bowtie... cuffs etc.) and i was called "miss bunny" how enthralling. sorry for the lack of a good mood. I know i must be bringing everyone down. I can't wait to grow up! I want to live in Macon with that big house.. and my family (not that big..) and next door to Lisa. it would kick serious ass. i swear to goodness. =0) well i guess i should be leaving. i'll leave on this note "shoot for the moon.. b/c even if you miss you'll land amongst the stars." and.. "watch me.. crumble. im giving into you." --*psyche*--

Your thoughts were corrupted at 11:16 p.m. on Saturday, October 20, 2001

how would YOU like it
how would you like it if i decided to tell you that i loved you.. then a day-ish later get all pissed off for unbeknownst reasons. sounds familiar anyone? im sick of people getting mad at ME for stuff i dont even know why?! that is the most freaking retarded thing. im just all too sick of the human race. im tired of folk always with their BS and stuff. im sick of this universe and this planet. i just want to go to sleep and not wake up. and i cant even do that because i have insomnia!!!!! UUUGH people annoy the hell out of me! well thats all for now.. ill see you later tonight. *--psyche--*

Your thoughts were corrupted at 01:08 p.m. on Saturday, October 20, 2001

I wanna be the arch nemisis!
well.. today was interesting.. to say the very least... i was selling pumpkins today.. some yetti guy ran over like 4 of them.. we were mad. i painted my face.. my shirt.. AND my pants.. it was SO fun! hadji just told me that some people died.. cuz some guy broke into their house and killed em. scaRY!!!!! i dont want to hear that!!! now im all scared. not really. lol villaness's dont get scurd. but i still have an unsetteling feeling that something bad is gonna happen. and i dont want nor need that feeling! blah ! okay well i guess thats all for now. =0* psyche "i wanna be the chain! you always get to be it!"

Your thoughts were corrupted at 11:20 p.m. on Friday, October 19, 2001

but why is it a house of leaves?
before i begin.. let me just say that hadji is makingme mention the hurricane. i dont know who it is.. or who it is supposed to be.. but im doing it to make him happy.. so here goes "the hurricane" well.. again i shall exerpt from thenotebook of doom.. (im up to pg. 45!! LOL) i dont know where my life is going ((BTW i left out a whole paragraph about one specific person.. its not exactly feelings i want to post up on the web.. no.. not mean feelings.. i just dont want to regret anything!!)) i couldn't tell you. my life doesnt make sense!!!! gah! well its only 8:40 AM and im already lost. i cant accept reality, apparently.. oh well.. i like living in a dream world suuperb! >sarcasm< i have "ankle checkers" it makes me feel cared about that my friends do that for me ^^ very nice. call me pathetic and say "you KNOW people love you." these are just thoughts and feelings. nothing to worry about. like i tell everyone, "im not someone to be worried about. i figured outmy greek goddess persona.. "Psyche" only... leave out her ending.. and you've got me! >P i dont belive in happy endings. they are a waste of time! ---end okay well thats al the entrys for now! ^^ much fun. that was like 4 pages condensed... lets put it this way, "there are certain feelings about certain people that i dont want to share at this point in time.. because im scared of how they will react.. and how everyone else will react too.. colour me a chicken, but thats who i am! now for you'z guys in GA.. if you want my notebook just ask me and ill more than likely let you read it.. and the inspirational letter i got from sarah =0D it makesme tear up when i read it! well anyways i must be off.. im talking to lisers and trenters in a chat.. so ciao --psyche-- "this time YOU be the whip!"

Your thoughts were corrupted at 09:38 p.m. on Thursday, October 18, 2001

last one for tonight.. i swear!
i cant stop writing.. i have about a gagillion thoughts on my mind! im trying to organize them.. i think ill just write them all down.. you know i love all of you and when i get them organized.. ill be sure to share them~! so i hope everyones life is going well.. mine is.. i suppose.. i cant help this feeling that some piece of me is.. missing in a way.. its like.. something isnt there.. a part of me.. isnt.. and thats a horrible feeling. trent says i need to get healthy... sarah says the same thing.. i am really trying hard.. its so hard to feel better when everyone around you is telling you negative things about yourself.. "oh you are cold and heartless" "oh you are mean" etc.. it really is hard to try to make yourself a better person.. when you constantly get brought down its an awful hard thing... and i dont need to hear "oh i told you he would go w/ someone else if you waited too long" i dont want to HEAR i told you so's.. because it puts me in a sucky mood. i dont want to hear it. i dont care . i dont care i dont care i dont care! im hoping if i say it enough times in a row.. then it will all just disappear.. and i really wont care... no such luck yeti'll inform you if it does work though.. well its 12:23.. i guess i should sleep.. =0*

Your thoughts were corrupted at 12:04 a.m. on Sunday, October 14, 2001

wasted tears on a wasted youth. come down the abyss with me
well.. my friends kick butt i love then to death. okay enough of that! =0) what did you think about my picture? i've changed right? lol you guys havent seen me in 2 years! AHH! korkys different kind of crazy now! =0P hehe~* so how is everyones life? i figured out that i have the abilty to piss MULTIPLE people off.. without even moving! what skillz i have =0D hehehehehehe well i dont really have a rant today.. except.. i dont like hypocrisy? is that really something i need to say? lol well whatever on that part. chocolate chip poppytarts are very yummy.. i hate my braces!! They are mean to me =0( okay well.. enough of my fake happiness.. ill return someday.. =0*

Your thoughts were corrupted at 10:38 p.m. on Saturday, October 13, 2001

StReSsOrS aRe kiLLuN mEh
AH! this entry is hate and rage filled! i HATE teachers and i am RAGE FILLED about the psat! actually im just kidding =0) i dont want to take the psat.. but i guess i have to.. oh well'z. well i dont know WHY some people act like complete backwards retarded monkeys... but they do! and that confuses me.. i guess i dont get it or something. well whatever. im sick of feeling emotions. people disgust me.! i really oughta just write this down. but why? whatever. well i know that i think someone has pulled my stomach inside out.. and tied it up into several thousand knots. in the past week.. i've run out of tears. and i am glad. never again will i ever let (b) ANYONE (/b)get to me! =0P okay well back to the PSAT i dont want to take this test.. but im kinda glad we do.. it just means i get to sit in homeroom for the whole time i just hope i remember my "quack-u-lay-tor" Hannah asked me how i can be so happy all the time.. my response? "im not really a happy person. lol im the least happy of all the people you'll meet" ah well?! wahaha im bored as anything. when i get bored.. AND angry.. it is NOT a good combination! >=0O *i came to knock you up. i came to cut you down* take note.. i love Garbage.. the first US released album.. kicks serious butt~! well i know i'm setting myself up for a disaster.. but i dont care =0D my attitude is just like it used to be in middle skewl "um yea whatever.." anyways.. i guess ill go now.. im about to yell >=0O! toodles =0*

Your thoughts were corrupted at 11:47 p.m. on Friday, October 12, 2001

life skills from a math class..
well.. let me start at the begining.. this notebook started on 9/30/01 .. i don't know why it became a voodoo notebook.. but now you can get the voodoo on moi.. in this notebook... of course i'll post tiny segments from it up on the site.. but the real deal is up in my notebook.. so here goes.. (just to catch you guys up) BY THE WAY the link above takes you to my archive.. click on the white letters to read my old blogs... 9/30.. No aspect of my life makes sense.. Matt messed with my emotions byt huge.. and the more i was w/ him the less i wanted hime to leave.. but i was impulsive and ended it.. i dont know why.. -.-;; that night.. he found something inside of me .. and i cried true "sadness" tears..that i havent shed since 6th grade. I really wish i had done my life differently.. but you cant change the past. its hard to be "the strong one" sometimes, id like to tell someone how i feel.. and maybe cry.. but thats our of character for me. i want to be there for my friends.. but how when i cant even be there for myself?? Le 8 Octobre~* im sick of this planet. i am tired of people. all they seem to do is fill themselves with hypocrisy and lies... i dont know.. i just feel self pity ((the quote i wrote in the n/b was "well, nobody ever has or ever will love you")) lets face it folks, i drice pople away.. i am too afraid of being hurt..but on the same note.. i am so afraid of not being loved.. i want to cry.. when i DO cry.. its always to myself. why? because its better that nobody ever sees me cry. im torn apart on the inside. (ask me about my scars... ill show ya .. they are just surface scars) ((by the way. the 10/8 entry was 8 pages long.. lol)) o/"if i should choose to die alone you should forgive and forget me"o ((PLEASE EXCUSE THE DePREssION!!!!!)) i wonder how many people (outside of my family) would care if i died.. i'd end up giving some people a big head.. "oh she killed herself for me? wow i feel that!" nuh-uh. i'd make sure i'd point out why i did it in my suicide note. its awful to write one of those.. i've written 2 in my lifetime... horrible huh? i just want to climb up to my window.. and jump ((im on the 1st floor hah.)) and run away.. and never return....... 10/9 i am furious.. at only myself. i am a stupid girl for letting people get to me! all this book ((and page.. wuff yall!!)) is is an outlet for my sanity.. i need to rant .. and this is my outlet. the only good ways to cheer me up are my music and "hallo mr. razor!" i put that razor down yesterday.. and 1/2 hour later.. i got it again. i hate myself for doing it.. i know this must be depressing.. so allow moi to lighten the mood..w/ my life! ((lOL its taking place in Macon.. starring moi)) i want a BIG house.. in the "almost suburbs.." where i can have a HUgE backyard... with a white picket fence.. and a dog in the backyard with a little himalayin cat on the inside.. my husband? um the position is yet to be filled. my kid? well.. i have a name! Jared! (jared leto)! it will be fantastic ((then i get depressed again.. just thinking aboutthe future i wont have =0P)) well here goes what my actual life will be like.. "apartment.. alone.. no kids.. no husband.. no one." ((hmmm sounds sad.)) by tomorrow ill have buried that damn feeling.. and ill leave it for dead once again! 10/11well, tiffany and trent made like a banana and split. i really feel for trent. i DO understand what he is going thru.. i just dont understand. i wonder how much of peoples happiness is real.. and how much is fake/pretend. i dunno much at all.. ~*((new entry/same day))*~ GOOD NEWS! its been since tuesday since i "gashed" my leg.. PLUS i got a new sharp razor! i am on the path to mental sanity! OKAY! thats all for now.. hehe if you want the unabridged version.. stalk me at school and ask me for it.. chances are.. ill let you read it.. alright sweetpeas.. im out for the night~>thumper ("the omniscient one")

Your thoughts were corrupted at 10:20 p.m. on Friday, October 12, 2001