Monday, December 11, 2006
超喜歡你
I'm fucking addicted to this song.
And I'm clueless as to why I'm absolutely baffled by this fact.
Egads, I'm a mando-pop addict o__o
Someone shoot me now. I feel an urge to scream like a fangirl.
SOBS.
--
Watching Hana Kimi （花盛りの君たちえ）episodes on YouTube make me happy. It's just really inspiring to see someone like the female protagonist, even if you do require a little suspension of disbelief in relating it to "the real world".
At last, I return to my hermit roots.
eun would be so proud :)
mels was awake at 11:27 p.m.
*
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
HAH
Monday, December 4, 2006
Lovefern
You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you!
How to lose a guy in 10 days?
Baby, I lost you in 6 1/2.
--
I'm currently wondering how to lose 10 kg by Christmas, other than starving myself and liposuction. My previous affair with the weighing scale read 57.4 and so I'm really hoping to drop to at most a 55 by the end of the week.
How? That, I still have no idea. Maybe I'll run like a lunatic for the rest of the month.
--
I need more Show. Preferable in nice portable capsules that I can administer at my convenience.
*
How to lose a guy in 10 days?
Baby, I lost you in 6 1/2.
--
I'm currently wondering how to lose 10 kg by Christmas, other than starving myself and liposuction. My previous affair with the weighing scale read 57.4 and so I'm really hoping to drop to at most a 55 by the end of the week.
How? That, I still have no idea. Maybe I'll run like a lunatic for the rest of the month.
--
I need more Show. Preferable in nice portable capsules that I can administer at my convenience.
mels was awake at 03:08 p.m.
*
Saturday, December 2, 2006
The Wind That Blew My Heart Away
Ok, watched the latest episode of OTH and OMG DRA-MAH.
You know how people who have lives don't really blog?
Well now you know. I don't have a life.
My horoscope says I need to shake things up. I really really hope I can... because just reading about it is beginning to suck.
It's not what you say, it's what you (won't) do.
I miss my shar.
mels was awake at 06:03 a.m.
*
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
HAIL!
THE CONQUERING HERO
In a flurry of smses,
I heart my j.
--
Yes, I won't do very well. I only had 1 paper and I've managed to screw even that up, so I guess I'll just have to keep chanting "I'll work harder next term, I'll work harder next term" over and over again till I finally reach nirvana.
Ah, wells, if NOL decides to withdraw their scholarship, I'll be in deep smelly poo-poo.
--
I can't believe my mom's birthday is next week and I haven't gotten her anything.
NEXT WEEK.
I mean, what do you get for mom that isn't too expensive, so I won't have to live on bread and water for the rest of the month?
(Which, btw, is not a very good idea because it's The Holidays!)
And knowing mom, she'll probably ask me to keep the money for myself (so I won't have to keep stealing from the joint account :x oops).
But I really wanna get her something. At least a cake.
Ok fine, a small cake.
And a card.
But she'll probably stuff it away, like I do, and it'll just collect dust.
So I really want to get her something she can use, or display. Something practical. But other than Jumbo toilet paper and stain remover, I ain't got much else.
I got her a mug for her office during mother's day already, so that's out.
I'd get her a picture frame, but we haven't taken many family pictures lately (like, for the past 10 years) so I have no idea what picture she's gonna put in there.
I wanna get her a nice bag or something, so she can bring it to work, but that'll set me waaayyy too far back. She was looking at a Carlo Rino one the last time we were at Robinsons' but it was like $150+++ so unless I've suddenly started shitting money, there's no way I can get her that.
A spa treatment? She probably wouldn't go.
Shopping vouchers? Too tacky and impersonal.
Stuff for zack? She gets too many on her own already.
So basically, I'm back to nothing. What in the world can you get your mom on a budget? And that she'll like. And that isn't a total waste of money and space?
Underwear?
--
Oh, and my dad's birthday is tomorrow -___- Yes, TOMORROW.
I'm somehow less worried about him, though, because I know that everything he wants I'll never be able to afford anyway (ie. new phone, home theatre system, better car, new house), but other than the standard cliched tie and cuff-links, what can I get dad that won't totally burn my pocket?
Hmmm.
Maybe I'll just skip the birthday presents and combine them with the christmas ones.
--
Which reminds me, I've gotta go christmas shopping soon. Need cards. Many new people on my christmas list :)
And something special for the special people, to let them know that they're special.
GAAHH I see the spot on my pocket where the hole is gonna be.
*
| me: | OMG IT'S FINALLY OVER!! I probably won't do very well, but what the hell, I've survived my first term! :D |
| j: |
argh I need to get myself down to studying :( meet up next week k? |
| me: |
ok I shall go spend the rest of the week sleeping then :x SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! |
| j: | yeah save some fun for me. am dy-ing. |
| me: |
here's a hug for good luck! -hug- and hurry up and finish so we can go get a life |
| j: | definitely:) |
I heart my j.
--
Yes, I won't do very well. I only had 1 paper and I've managed to screw even that up, so I guess I'll just have to keep chanting "I'll work harder next term, I'll work harder next term" over and over again till I finally reach nirvana.
Ah, wells, if NOL decides to withdraw their scholarship, I'll be in deep smelly poo-poo.
--
I can't believe my mom's birthday is next week and I haven't gotten her anything.
NEXT WEEK.
I mean, what do you get for mom that isn't too expensive, so I won't have to live on bread and water for the rest of the month?
(Which, btw, is not a very good idea because it's The Holidays!)
And knowing mom, she'll probably ask me to keep the money for myself (so I won't have to keep stealing from the joint account :x oops).
But I really wanna get her something. At least a cake.
Ok fine, a small cake.
And a card.
But she'll probably stuff it away, like I do, and it'll just collect dust.
So I really want to get her something she can use, or display. Something practical. But other than Jumbo toilet paper and stain remover, I ain't got much else.
I got her a mug for her office during mother's day already, so that's out.
I'd get her a picture frame, but we haven't taken many family pictures lately (like, for the past 10 years) so I have no idea what picture she's gonna put in there.
I wanna get her a nice bag or something, so she can bring it to work, but that'll set me waaayyy too far back. She was looking at a Carlo Rino one the last time we were at Robinsons' but it was like $150+++ so unless I've suddenly started shitting money, there's no way I can get her that.
A spa treatment? She probably wouldn't go.
Shopping vouchers? Too tacky and impersonal.
Stuff for zack? She gets too many on her own already.
So basically, I'm back to nothing. What in the world can you get your mom on a budget? And that she'll like. And that isn't a total waste of money and space?
Underwear?
--
Oh, and my dad's birthday is tomorrow -___- Yes, TOMORROW.
I'm somehow less worried about him, though, because I know that everything he wants I'll never be able to afford anyway (ie. new phone, home theatre system, better car, new house), but other than the standard cliched tie and cuff-links, what can I get dad that won't totally burn my pocket?
Hmmm.
Maybe I'll just skip the birthday presents and combine them with the christmas ones.
--
Which reminds me, I've gotta go christmas shopping soon. Need cards. Many new people on my christmas list :)
And something special for the special people, to let them know that they're special.
GAAHH I see the spot on my pocket where the hole is gonna be.
mels was awake at 12:24 p.m.
*
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
I know.
Darling, only a fool couldn't see through us.
--
I often fantasise of what would happen if we met again.
Hello, stranger.
But you know, and I know, that it sounded better when we found out we've been lying all this while. Give me a reason, make up your mind.
I hope you've found a way to show the world you're a star.
--
I forgive you.
--
I often fantasise of what would happen if we met again.
Hello, stranger.
But you know, and I know, that it sounded better when we found out we've been lying all this while. Give me a reason, make up your mind.
I hope you've found a way to show the world you're a star.
--
I forgive you.
mels was awake at 12:29 a.m.
*
Friday, November 24, 2006
Irreplaceable
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable
So since I'm not your everything
How about I'll be nothing
Nothing at all to you
Baby I wont shed a tear for you
I won't lose a wink of sleep
Cause the truth of the matter is
Replacing you is so easy
mels was awake at 01:07 a.m.
*
Thursday, November 23, 2006
i come bearing thanks
I think it's important to have pictures that remind you of the good times.
It also helps if you're a camwhore like me :D
People at school tell me it's impossible for me to've ever been a quiet wallflower. I guess the reason why I am who I am today is because of who I wasn't in the past.
Winter holidays are coming. Somehow I wished Singapore had a thanksgiving. November seems like such a wonderful month to decide that it's autumn.
I muse.
I heart my j! Miss you lots muaks xoxo even though I know you don't read this. Can't stop me public displays of affection, yo.
Fo shizzle~
It also helps if you're a camwhore like me :D
People at school tell me it's impossible for me to've ever been a quiet wallflower. I guess the reason why I am who I am today is because of who I wasn't in the past.
Winter holidays are coming. Somehow I wished Singapore had a thanksgiving. November seems like such a wonderful month to decide that it's autumn.
I muse.
I heart my j! Miss you lots muaks xoxo even though I know you don't read this. Can't stop me public displays of affection, yo.
Fo shizzle~
mels was awake at 01:59 p.m.
*
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Comedy Central
My brother is the motherlode of useless crap.
He just made me watch the funniest clip ever on youtube.
Ok, so I'm a noob who hasn't heard of russell peters till today, but now that I have, I must say, OMG THAT MAN IS A FREAKING GENIUS.
Really. You have to watch him. I rank it tops, together with The Blue Collar Comedy Tour and Southpark World of Warcraft.
Dat phan is another really cute one, although his is more of a physical comedy than anything. His mom sounds awful cute! The asian powerfemme - stern, stubborn, stereotypical.
--
I miss my daily dose of John Stewart.
--
I was thinkning alot of things this afternoon, most of which I've forgotten. HAHAH. Times like these I wish I had one of those snazzy palm pc things with infinite bluetooth and other awesome wireless shit.
Which reminds me of one of my gripes.
I HATE RICH PEOPLE.
Or, more accurately, I hate the fact that I envy them. And I do envy them. Alot. Like, other than sloth, I'd say that that is one of the other deadly sins that I'm closely accquainted with.
They get to go places and do things that I only dream of! And it doesn't help that I'm materialistic too! I mean, female and a libra? Not good combinations, really.
And then there are other times, when I get a glimpse of people on the other side of the affluence line.
Should I feel guilty for my privileges? Should I feel guilty for enjoying them?
People say no, that I should appreciate them instead, and count my lucky stars and so on and so forth, but it doesn't stop the food in my mouth from turning to sand when an old man with no left hand comes up to me selling tissues, and I turn him away.
I didn't have to turn him away, but I did.
Why?
Why did I pass up on the opportunity to share my wealth, especially with someone so pitiful? Why would I pass a donation bucket or a busker or an old lady selling tissues, and NOT share? Why does anyone?
Because I'm selfish and want it for myself, even though I know it'll mean so much more to someone less fortunate? Because it's become too common? Because we're suffering from a charity version of audience fatigue? Because we've become so self-serving in our pursuit of more, more, more that we've subconsciously ignored how little so many have?
Why?
--
There was this one incident, during cny a couple of years back I think, where an old man in a walker was selling tissues at a open-air seafood restaurant. We were all tucking in to expensive cuisine and enjoying ourselves on a few-hundred-dollar dinner, when this old man with the skinniest legs I'd ever seen shuffles up to our table feebly in his walker, selling tissues.
$1 for 3 packets.
We didn't need any tissue. With three alpha females and their pesky kids, two dads who dripped buckets in the presence of spicy food, and a grandmother with the fussy penchant for wiping down all untensils before use because she has issues with dubious public hygiene, we had an army's supply worth of tissue, both of the dry and wet variety, and in multiple scents too.
My aunt pressed a $2 bill into my cousin's hand and asked her to pass it to him as a donation. The old man handed her the tissue, but my aunt smiled and said no thanks. He bowed his head repeatedly and said thank you to all of us, and we kept waving our hands and saying, "No need, no need."
It was only $2. To us it was really nothing. $2 can't even buy a bowl of noodles nowadays. I'm actually surprised when chicken rice at a hawker centre sells for less than $2.50 because, really, that's how expensive food has become.
But to him, it meant more.
After dinner, as my dad was driving the car out of the carpark, we saw that same old man.
He was sitting in a wheelchair, being pushed by a maid.
I smiled sardonically. Ain't that life.
--
So why don't we do charitable deeds anymore? Because we think people don't deserve it? They can go work for their own money, instead of waiting around for people to give it to them.
Well then, what makes you think you deserve your good fortune? You certainly didn't work for it. Your parents probably gave you a head start.
Deserve is a really bad word to use.
Then again, why do people do charity? To appease their own guilt at enjoying themselves too much? To chalk up Good points in case there really is a judgement day to face?
Is altruism really a selfish act, instead of a selfless one? Tact is self-indulgence and not charity? (Speaking of charity, from lyn, I want to read Matt Ridley's The Origins of Virtue which argues - inter alia - that altruism is a means of control and fuel for self-esteem.)
--
I've gone incoherent. Too many thoughts. In the words of eun, My brain is exploding.
--
Being struck with a sudden sting of nostalgia, I must gripe. I miss my friends. I really really do.
I miss everything about them. Most of all, I miss the moments that made me smile that quiet, secret smile that no one else has to see, because all I needed was myself to know that it's real.
And it hurts all the more to think that it ended because they couldn't see me for who I am.
I mean, really, for the weeks, and in some cases more, that you've known me, from the very first moment that we met till the last moment that you died in my life, from what you have known of me and what I have done for you -- what makes you think I would do something like that? Do you really think I'm even capable of something like that?
Really?
--
My tummy feels naseous. Maybe it's the combination of staying up all night and vanilla coke on an empty stomach.
Or maybe it's just my life.
He just made me watch the funniest clip ever on youtube.
Ok, so I'm a noob who hasn't heard of russell peters till today, but now that I have, I must say, OMG THAT MAN IS A FREAKING GENIUS.
Really. You have to watch him. I rank it tops, together with The Blue Collar Comedy Tour and Southpark World of Warcraft.
Dat phan is another really cute one, although his is more of a physical comedy than anything. His mom sounds awful cute! The asian powerfemme - stern, stubborn, stereotypical.
--
I miss my daily dose of John Stewart.
--
I was thinkning alot of things this afternoon, most of which I've forgotten. HAHAH. Times like these I wish I had one of those snazzy palm pc things with infinite bluetooth and other awesome wireless shit.
Which reminds me of one of my gripes.
I HATE RICH PEOPLE.
Or, more accurately, I hate the fact that I envy them. And I do envy them. Alot. Like, other than sloth, I'd say that that is one of the other deadly sins that I'm closely accquainted with.
They get to go places and do things that I only dream of! And it doesn't help that I'm materialistic too! I mean, female and a libra? Not good combinations, really.
And then there are other times, when I get a glimpse of people on the other side of the affluence line.
Should I feel guilty for my privileges? Should I feel guilty for enjoying them?
People say no, that I should appreciate them instead, and count my lucky stars and so on and so forth, but it doesn't stop the food in my mouth from turning to sand when an old man with no left hand comes up to me selling tissues, and I turn him away.
I didn't have to turn him away, but I did.
Why?
Why did I pass up on the opportunity to share my wealth, especially with someone so pitiful? Why would I pass a donation bucket or a busker or an old lady selling tissues, and NOT share? Why does anyone?
Because I'm selfish and want it for myself, even though I know it'll mean so much more to someone less fortunate? Because it's become too common? Because we're suffering from a charity version of audience fatigue? Because we've become so self-serving in our pursuit of more, more, more that we've subconsciously ignored how little so many have?
Why?
--
There was this one incident, during cny a couple of years back I think, where an old man in a walker was selling tissues at a open-air seafood restaurant. We were all tucking in to expensive cuisine and enjoying ourselves on a few-hundred-dollar dinner, when this old man with the skinniest legs I'd ever seen shuffles up to our table feebly in his walker, selling tissues.
$1 for 3 packets.
We didn't need any tissue. With three alpha females and their pesky kids, two dads who dripped buckets in the presence of spicy food, and a grandmother with the fussy penchant for wiping down all untensils before use because she has issues with dubious public hygiene, we had an army's supply worth of tissue, both of the dry and wet variety, and in multiple scents too.
My aunt pressed a $2 bill into my cousin's hand and asked her to pass it to him as a donation. The old man handed her the tissue, but my aunt smiled and said no thanks. He bowed his head repeatedly and said thank you to all of us, and we kept waving our hands and saying, "No need, no need."
It was only $2. To us it was really nothing. $2 can't even buy a bowl of noodles nowadays. I'm actually surprised when chicken rice at a hawker centre sells for less than $2.50 because, really, that's how expensive food has become.
But to him, it meant more.
After dinner, as my dad was driving the car out of the carpark, we saw that same old man.
He was sitting in a wheelchair, being pushed by a maid.
I smiled sardonically. Ain't that life.
--
So why don't we do charitable deeds anymore? Because we think people don't deserve it? They can go work for their own money, instead of waiting around for people to give it to them.
Well then, what makes you think you deserve your good fortune? You certainly didn't work for it. Your parents probably gave you a head start.
Deserve is a really bad word to use.
Then again, why do people do charity? To appease their own guilt at enjoying themselves too much? To chalk up Good points in case there really is a judgement day to face?
Is altruism really a selfish act, instead of a selfless one? Tact is self-indulgence and not charity? (Speaking of charity, from lyn, I want to read Matt Ridley's The Origins of Virtue which argues - inter alia - that altruism is a means of control and fuel for self-esteem.)
--
I've gone incoherent. Too many thoughts. In the words of eun, My brain is exploding.
--
Being struck with a sudden sting of nostalgia, I must gripe. I miss my friends. I really really do.
I miss everything about them. Most of all, I miss the moments that made me smile that quiet, secret smile that no one else has to see, because all I needed was myself to know that it's real.
And it hurts all the more to think that it ended because they couldn't see me for who I am.
I mean, really, for the weeks, and in some cases more, that you've known me, from the very first moment that we met till the last moment that you died in my life, from what you have known of me and what I have done for you -- what makes you think I would do something like that? Do you really think I'm even capable of something like that?
Really?
--
My tummy feels naseous. Maybe it's the combination of staying up all night and vanilla coke on an empty stomach.
Or maybe it's just my life.
mels was awake at 05:02 a.m.
*
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Sexy Ladies /
Let Me Talk To You
I think it's just a baaad sign when I start bobbing my head to Justin Timberlake.
--
HI ANJ!!! Here's the shoutout I promised! :D
Is it somehow strange that I feel way more comfortable talking to you now that you're 10,000 miles away?
And I would totally love to join you in central London (ooh doesn't that just sound so snazzy?) but I've gotta scrub together some moolah to pay for my plane ticket first :p and unless crashing in your room is acceptable, I'll probably have to find accommodation too.
--
So, the lifeless me has finally gotten herself a new preoccupation.
The Sims 2! Woohooo! And just in time for reading week, during which I will probably not be doing much reading anyways.
--
Thursday was the last LTB class (sniff sniff) and we were all taking farewell pics and doing stupid poses because our sanities have been fried by the 13 week purgatory that is The L-T-B, and as proof that we've really lost it,
HAHA omg look at that huge green monster in the front!
Looking slightly saner. My legs are fat. Sigh.
It looks like I'm grabbing her all to myself hahah.
The lovely nise.
Our colour-coordinated possessions!
--
Been talking to the seannie recently. I know it's strange, but the low rumbling of his abnormally octaved voice is just really really comforting.
It's just surprising when you meet someone so genuinely mature, what more a guy, when you've been surrounded by so many who just don't make it past "annoying".
--
I've realised that, yes, I do have alot of guys in my life. Hardly any of them are really men, even though their future looks bright nonetheless.
But I've got lots of fabulous galpals too!
Like
My chiobu.
My running buddy.
The matching mani-pedis.
My oldest friend.
The adorableness.
My lemonade-face!
My sista-fromanother-motha.
My sanity.
And others whose pictures I don't have yet :x
I rarely tell them how much I love them, but I do. Because I need things like these to remind me that it's alright to feel lonely once in a while.
--
TV teaches you things.
Like easily, Love rarely.
Trust no one.
--
Peace!
--
HI ANJ!!! Here's the shoutout I promised! :D
Is it somehow strange that I feel way more comfortable talking to you now that you're 10,000 miles away?
And I would totally love to join you in central London (ooh doesn't that just sound so snazzy?) but I've gotta scrub together some moolah to pay for my plane ticket first :p and unless crashing in your room is acceptable, I'll probably have to find accommodation too.
--
So, the lifeless me has finally gotten herself a new preoccupation.
The Sims 2! Woohooo! And just in time for reading week, during which I will probably not be doing much reading anyways.
--
Thursday was the last LTB class (sniff sniff) and we were all taking farewell pics and doing stupid poses because our sanities have been fried by the 13 week purgatory that is The L-T-B, and as proof that we've really lost it,
HAHA omg look at that huge green monster in the front!
Looking slightly saner. My legs are fat. Sigh.
It looks like I'm grabbing her all to myself hahah.
The lovely nise.
Our colour-coordinated possessions!
--
Been talking to the seannie recently. I know it's strange, but the low rumbling of his abnormally octaved voice is just really really comforting.
It's just surprising when you meet someone so genuinely mature, what more a guy, when you've been surrounded by so many who just don't make it past "annoying".
--
I've realised that, yes, I do have alot of guys in my life. Hardly any of them are really men, even though their future looks bright nonetheless.
But I've got lots of fabulous galpals too!
Like
My chiobu.
My running buddy.
The matching mani-pedis.
My oldest friend.
The adorableness.
My lemonade-face!
My sista-fromanother-motha.
My sanity.
And others whose pictures I don't have yet :x
I rarely tell them how much I love them, but I do. Because I need things like these to remind me that it's alright to feel lonely once in a while.
--
TV teaches you things.
Like easily, Love rarely.
Trust no one.
--
Peace!
mels was awake at 09:25 p.m.
*
Thursday, November 16, 2006
MADE: Volleyballer
WHAT WAS WRONG WITH MIKE?? MIKE WAS ADORABLE!!
Bah. Plebian.
I wish there was a version of Made in Singapore. I'd totally want to be made into a cheerleader. Or a cross-country runner. Or a pageant queen. Or a ballerina.
Ooooh. Or how about a ROCKSTAR.
o__o
Awe-some.
I feel a urge to run. I need to get off my ass and start working out. I was supposed to do alot of things that I ended up not doing, and that really sucks because it's like I'm disappointing myself. I mean, I get enough of that from other people already, so I should stop before I overdose myself.
Anyways. Happy Almost-Last-Day-Of-School! Can't wait for the holidays so I can go back to pretending like I have a life. Whee!
Bah. Plebian.
I wish there was a version of Made in Singapore. I'd totally want to be made into a cheerleader. Or a cross-country runner. Or a pageant queen. Or a ballerina.
Ooooh. Or how about a ROCKSTAR.
o__o
Awe-some.
I feel a urge to run. I need to get off my ass and start working out. I was supposed to do alot of things that I ended up not doing, and that really sucks because it's like I'm disappointing myself. I mean, I get enough of that from other people already, so I should stop before I overdose myself.
Anyways. Happy Almost-Last-Day-Of-School! Can't wait for the holidays so I can go back to pretending like I have a life. Whee!
mels was awake at 02:12 a.m.
*
Monday, November 13, 2006
Diversion aversion
Sigh, everything sounds SO much more exotic in Spanish.
Ah, what I wouldn't give for a tall, dark, handsome spaniard to sweep me off my feet and teach me the ways of el mariachi and romance me with tequila and moonlight.
Fantasies galore!
--
I just need to get myself out of here.
Ah, what I wouldn't give for a tall, dark, handsome spaniard to sweep me off my feet and teach me the ways of el mariachi and romance me with tequila and moonlight.
Fantasies galore!
--
I just need to get myself out of here.
mels was awake at 12:44 a.m.
*
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Of confetti
and purple hippos
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!
I remember when shoo's parties were the social highlight of the year, and stand in strange and semi-awkward fascination at how much we have changed since then.
Simpler times, indeed.
Watching Peter Pan and pouring out my tragedy to shoo in her movie room was unexpectedly and amazingly cathartic. I'm a chatterbox, I know. Can't seem to keep anything to myself these days.
I thought about him alot today. More so than I have for the past week or so, anyway.
In many ways he reminds me of Peter. Hah, for that matter, in many ways I remind me of Wendy, too.
And in many other ways, I wished they'd cast someone prettier as Tiger Lily.
--
There are certain people that you know you'll always love.
Hope you like viola's company as much as we've liked picking her out for you!
--
I think I'm the lucky one today.
And I'm terrified as hell because the higher up you go, the farther you have to fall.
"Will you believe me if I said this means more to me than you think?"
You're killing me, you're killing me.
Please God, won't you please save me from myself?
I remember when shoo's parties were the social highlight of the year, and stand in strange and semi-awkward fascination at how much we have changed since then.
Simpler times, indeed.
Watching Peter Pan and pouring out my tragedy to shoo in her movie room was unexpectedly and amazingly cathartic. I'm a chatterbox, I know. Can't seem to keep anything to myself these days.
I thought about him alot today. More so than I have for the past week or so, anyway.
In many ways he reminds me of Peter. Hah, for that matter, in many ways I remind me of Wendy, too.
And in many other ways, I wished they'd cast someone prettier as Tiger Lily.
--
There are certain people that you know you'll always love.
Hope you like viola's company as much as we've liked picking her out for you!
--
I think I'm the lucky one today.
And I'm terrified as hell because the higher up you go, the farther you have to fall.
"Will you believe me if I said this means more to me than you think?"
You're killing me, you're killing me.
Please God, won't you please save me from myself?
mels was awake at 02:26 a.m.
*
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Verona's Dream
There are certain people that you know you'll always love.
I remember when you'd be the only one to ask about me, and how you'd tell me all your problems and sigh with me over milkshakes and chicken nuggets. I remember when you smiled because we had fun, and how you'd snort at me for being me but accept me all the same.
I remember when you said, "After this, I can face another week with all these other stupid people."
There are certain people that you know you'll always love.
Talking to you today, I've realised that maybe, just maybe, there are people out there who love me too.
And maybe, they're really not that far away.
--
I think the dilemma with him is that he's still a great guy, he just hasn't been acting so great.
In my mind, there is a person, and then there is what a person does. Granted, what you do is part of who you are, but there's the whole other part that's made up of what you believe in, and what you think, and how you feel.
That's the part of him I still can't forget, the part that I'm still hopelessly clinging onto.
Then there's the other part -- what he does -- that I can't seem to forget either. And ironically, that's what's holding me back and keeping me sane.
--
We write poetry to make our sadness beautiful.
Pretty pain. How fashionable.
I remember when you'd be the only one to ask about me, and how you'd tell me all your problems and sigh with me over milkshakes and chicken nuggets. I remember when you smiled because we had fun, and how you'd snort at me for being me but accept me all the same.
I remember when you said, "After this, I can face another week with all these other stupid people."
There are certain people that you know you'll always love.
Talking to you today, I've realised that maybe, just maybe, there are people out there who love me too.
And maybe, they're really not that far away.
--
I think the dilemma with him is that he's still a great guy, he just hasn't been acting so great.
In my mind, there is a person, and then there is what a person does. Granted, what you do is part of who you are, but there's the whole other part that's made up of what you believe in, and what you think, and how you feel.
That's the part of him I still can't forget, the part that I'm still hopelessly clinging onto.
Then there's the other part -- what he does -- that I can't seem to forget either. And ironically, that's what's holding me back and keeping me sane.
--
We write poetry to make our sadness beautiful.
Pretty pain. How fashionable.
mels was awake at 02:16 a.m.
*
Friday, November 10, 2006
Fanfare
So yesterday marked the ended of Le Dreaded LTB (cue cheers of joy).
Our presentation helped us go out with a bang, thankfully, and as we all gathered with our TA at the Soup Spoon for brunch, it occured to me how much work really affects people and the way you perceive them.
Like what I said about the rabid hamster, "As a guy he's great, as a friend he's even better, but as a leader, boy has he got lots to learn."
I seriously love everyone in my team. Seriously. The sad thing is, if it wasn't for the fact that I'd been forced to interact with them, I probably wouldn't have at all.
Then again, ain't that the way with most relationships?
Probably. Probably not.
I'd need statistics, and thinking about said topic makes me feel pretty guilty right now because I'm ponning econs class. Again. For the 5th time.
Whoopdedoo.
--
Retail therapy-cum-celebration with the Type Bs after that :D
Watched Step Up, which had phenomenal dancing. Really made me wanna take up hip hop and street jazz again, despite my tendency to lose interest half-way.
Bought 2 absolutely adorable tees and a pair of pretty earrings for a steal. Bugis is awesome if it wasn't so crowded, and wasn't getting so expensive :p
Went for a pedicure! -sighs contendedly- I never really got the whole mani-pedi thing until recently. Ok, manis maybe not still, but pedis are just absolutely rewarding. To watch your feet turn from battered to beautiful in under and hour is just such a treat!
--
Last burst of energy ended up leaving me really drained by the end of the day so I slept real early last night.
I mean, I know. Gasp, right?
So I missed eun's really adorable sms before hitting the pillow, which I still can't keep from laughing at because she is just so irresistable.
shoo's bday celebrations are tomorrow and we're all sort of scrambling to throw together a semi-decent present for her. I mean, what do you get a girl who can afford everything she already wants?
I've missed these guys sooo much. Sniff.
I'll miss them even more once abbie and shoo start flying off for school next year. Double sniff.
--
I find myself thinking about him less and less these days.
I mean it's granted, because it's already been like 5 weeks since the not-breakup, but it still leaves me feeling a little empty, somehow.
At the start, I kept asking why I couldn't make him go away, and now I'm beginning to ask why I can't seem to make him stay.
nisa's such a lucky shit and she doesn't even know it.
--
Wherefore art thou polarbear?
My horoscope tells me, "You're attached to certain people the way old trees are attached to the ground -- in deep, complicated, beautiful ways."
Gosh, that sounds like an awfully romantic way to say, "Hey girl, you're a mess."
Our presentation helped us go out with a bang, thankfully, and as we all gathered with our TA at the Soup Spoon for brunch, it occured to me how much work really affects people and the way you perceive them.
Like what I said about the rabid hamster, "As a guy he's great, as a friend he's even better, but as a leader, boy has he got lots to learn."
I seriously love everyone in my team. Seriously. The sad thing is, if it wasn't for the fact that I'd been forced to interact with them, I probably wouldn't have at all.
Then again, ain't that the way with most relationships?
Probably. Probably not.
I'd need statistics, and thinking about said topic makes me feel pretty guilty right now because I'm ponning econs class. Again. For the 5th time.
Whoopdedoo.
--
Retail therapy-cum-celebration with the Type Bs after that :D
--
Last burst of energy ended up leaving me really drained by the end of the day so I slept real early last night.
I mean, I know. Gasp, right?
So I missed eun's really adorable sms before hitting the pillow, which I still can't keep from laughing at because she is just so irresistable.
shoo's bday celebrations are tomorrow and we're all sort of scrambling to throw together a semi-decent present for her. I mean, what do you get a girl who can afford everything she already wants?
I've missed these guys sooo much. Sniff.
I'll miss them even more once abbie and shoo start flying off for school next year. Double sniff.
--
I find myself thinking about him less and less these days.
I mean it's granted, because it's already been like 5 weeks since the not-breakup, but it still leaves me feeling a little empty, somehow.
At the start, I kept asking why I couldn't make him go away, and now I'm beginning to ask why I can't seem to make him stay.
nisa's such a lucky shit and she doesn't even know it.
--
Wherefore art thou polarbear?
My horoscope tells me, "You're attached to certain people the way old trees are attached to the ground -- in deep, complicated, beautiful ways."
Gosh, that sounds like an awfully romantic way to say, "Hey girl, you're a mess."
mels was awake at 12:06 p.m.
*
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
Just my Fantasy
Disguised.
When will I learn?
--
Griping with the lovely nisa on the benches outside class today, I realised that love is really fucked up.
Ok, maybe not realised, because I've probably known it all along, but I was acutely reminded of the fact that perfect is never, and hellos only build you up for goodbyes.
It's hard to see a friend cry. And she was trying so hard not to.
--
I often wonder myself, what I would do if I had a chance with you again. Would I jump back to old habits? Would I lay down my own rules? Would I tell you that I loved you?
Or would I decide it isn't worth it and sweep everything under the carpet again?
No one changes drastically in two months. Not really. Eventually we all become who we were, because no matter how much you try to cover it up with frills and bells and pretty little wistles, underneath it all you're still the same person.
You just get better at hiding it, that's all.
But is that really such a bad thing? To want to change? To try to change even though you know you probably won't be able to anyway? Isn't the fact that you want to change for someone else enough as it is?
Not really, I guess. If it didn't work then, it probably won't work now.
"If liking each other was enough, everything would be so much less complicated."
Famous last words indeed.
Still I can't help it. I miss you and it's insane.
Never's a really long time.
Love is not a maybe thing. But how do you get to the yes or no?
I shouldn't love you
but I want to
The carpet's really not that bad a place to be.
--
I am not afraid to keep on living.
--
Griping with the lovely nisa on the benches outside class today, I realised that love is really fucked up.
Ok, maybe not realised, because I've probably known it all along, but I was acutely reminded of the fact that perfect is never, and hellos only build you up for goodbyes.
It's hard to see a friend cry. And she was trying so hard not to.
--
I often wonder myself, what I would do if I had a chance with you again. Would I jump back to old habits? Would I lay down my own rules? Would I tell you that I loved you?
Or would I decide it isn't worth it and sweep everything under the carpet again?
No one changes drastically in two months. Not really. Eventually we all become who we were, because no matter how much you try to cover it up with frills and bells and pretty little wistles, underneath it all you're still the same person.
You just get better at hiding it, that's all.
But is that really such a bad thing? To want to change? To try to change even though you know you probably won't be able to anyway? Isn't the fact that you want to change for someone else enough as it is?
Not really, I guess. If it didn't work then, it probably won't work now.
"If liking each other was enough, everything would be so much less complicated."
Famous last words indeed.
Still I can't help it. I miss you and it's insane.
Never's a really long time.
Love is not a maybe thing. But how do you get to the yes or no?
I shouldn't love you
but I want to
The carpet's really not that bad a place to be.
--
I am not afraid to keep on living.
mels was awake at 08:17 p.m.
*
Tuesday, November 7, 2006
same old excuses.
because, because
a b o u t
1. name: melsie.
2. single or taken: independent
3. sex: f
4. birthday: 6th oct 1987. mark your calendars people.
5. siblings: two younger
6. hair color: brown
7. eye color: dark brown
8. shoe size: 7-8
9. height: 161 cm
f a s h i o n s t u f f
1. where is your favorite place to shop?: any place I can afford
2. any tattoos or piercings?: seven piercings
s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs?: no. it's one of the three things I'll never do.
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: sunsilk colour-lock
3. what are you most scared of?: liking people too much
4. who is the last person that called you?: karen
6. where do you want to get married?: in a castle
7. how many buddies are online right now?: 20
8. what would you change about yourself?: fats
f a v o u r i t e s
1. color: white
2. food: pizza?
3. boys names: iain! and. um. rafael? luciene, definitely.
4. girls names: androgynous ones. like adrienne and danielle and toni.
5. subjects in school: COMM101
6. animals: puppies
7. sports: rollerblading
h a v e y o u e v e r
1. given anyone a bath?: zack
2. smoked?: never
3. bungee jumped?: unfortunately, no
4. made yourself throw up?: yes, when I was sick
5. skinny dipped?: no
6: ever been in love?: yes
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: no
8. pictured your crush naked?: no
9. actually seen your crush naked?: no
10. cried when someone died?: yes
11. lied: yes
12. fallen for your best friend?: yes
13. been rejected?: yes
14. rejected someone?: technically and uncomfortably, yes
15. used someone?: probably
16. done something you regret?: yes
a r e y o u
understanding: to a point
open-minded: yes
arrogant: probably
insecure: yes
interesting: amusing in an insane sort of way?
random: yes
hungry: always
smart: of course
moody: frequently
hard working: I'm a nerd
organized: no
healthy: nooooo
shy: sometimes
difficult: rarely
attractive: yeah, maybe with the right plastic surgeon
bored easily: yes
messy: yes
obsessed: yes, for short spans of time
c u r r e n t
clothes: pink sweater, denim skirt
music: the fray
make-up: school foundation, mascara
smell: dinner
favorite group: my friends :)
picture: sentosa
book youre reading: fistful of charms
cd player: mp3?
dvd player: hard candy
color of toenails: red
l a s t p e r s o n
you touched: timmy
hugged: nisa!
you imed: abbie
you yelled at: young
you kissed: b
w h o d o y o u w a n n a
kill: no one
slap: nick, jason, the chian and julian
get really wasted with: julian
look like: kristin kreuk
talk to offline: cedric
talk to online: julian
F i n a l q u e s t i o n s
1. do you like fillings these out?: I guess
2. gold or silver: silver
3. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: the prestige
4. favorite cartoon/anime?: my little pony
5. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: green tea cake
6. who would you love being locked in a room with?: someone interesting. maybe julian.
7. could you live without your computer?: no
8. would you color your hair?: yes, in fact I have
9. could you ever get off the computer?: yes
10. habla espanol?: si. from one to ten.
11. how many people are on your buddy list? 45
12. drink alcohol?: whenever I can
a b o u t
1. name: melsie.
2. single or taken: independent
3. sex: f
4. birthday: 6th oct 1987. mark your calendars people.
5. siblings: two younger
6. hair color: brown
7. eye color: dark brown
8. shoe size: 7-8
9. height: 161 cm
f a s h i o n s t u f f
1. where is your favorite place to shop?: any place I can afford
2. any tattoos or piercings?: seven piercings
s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs?: no. it's one of the three things I'll never do.
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: sunsilk colour-lock
3. what are you most scared of?: liking people too much
4. who is the last person that called you?: karen
6. where do you want to get married?: in a castle
7. how many buddies are online right now?: 20
8. what would you change about yourself?: fats
f a v o u r i t e s
1. color: white
2. food: pizza?
3. boys names: iain! and. um. rafael? luciene, definitely.
4. girls names: androgynous ones. like adrienne and danielle and toni.
5. subjects in school: COMM101
6. animals: puppies
7. sports: rollerblading
h a v e y o u e v e r
1. given anyone a bath?: zack
2. smoked?: never
3. bungee jumped?: unfortunately, no
4. made yourself throw up?: yes, when I was sick
5. skinny dipped?: no
6: ever been in love?: yes
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: no
8. pictured your crush naked?: no
9. actually seen your crush naked?: no
10. cried when someone died?: yes
11. lied: yes
12. fallen for your best friend?: yes
13. been rejected?: yes
14. rejected someone?: technically and uncomfortably, yes
15. used someone?: probably
16. done something you regret?: yes
a r e y o u
understanding: to a point
open-minded: yes
arrogant: probably
insecure: yes
interesting: amusing in an insane sort of way?
random: yes
hungry: always
smart: of course
moody: frequently
hard working: I'm a nerd
organized: no
healthy: nooooo
shy: sometimes
difficult: rarely
attractive: yeah, maybe with the right plastic surgeon
bored easily: yes
messy: yes
obsessed: yes, for short spans of time
c u r r e n t
clothes: pink sweater, denim skirt
music: the fray
make-up: school foundation, mascara
smell: dinner
favorite group: my friends :)
picture: sentosa
book youre reading: fistful of charms
cd player: mp3?
dvd player: hard candy
color of toenails: red
l a s t p e r s o n
you touched: timmy
hugged: nisa!
you imed: abbie
you yelled at: young
you kissed: b
w h o d o y o u w a n n a
kill: no one
slap: nick, jason, the chian and julian
get really wasted with: julian
look like: kristin kreuk
talk to offline: cedric
talk to online: julian
F i n a l q u e s t i o n s
1. do you like fillings these out?: I guess
2. gold or silver: silver
3. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: the prestige
4. favorite cartoon/anime?: my little pony
5. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: green tea cake
6. who would you love being locked in a room with?: someone interesting. maybe julian.
7. could you live without your computer?: no
8. would you color your hair?: yes, in fact I have
9. could you ever get off the computer?: yes
10. habla espanol?: si. from one to ten.
11. how many people are on your buddy list? 45
12. drink alcohol?: whenever I can
mels was awake at 10:05 p.m.
*
Tuesday, November 7, 2006
Sour Milkshakes
So.
I'm in the middle of LTB meeting and I feel like my eyeballs are about to fall out of my skull.
I realise that I'm in dire need of film-making skills.
---
My brother is the funniest shit ever. He told me this absolutely hilarious story.
Ok, so he and his friend are at MOS Burger, and my brother orders a milkshake. He tastes it and it seems a little sour. So he asks the girl at the counter if he can get another one. She gives him a blank look and "er.."s a bit before going off to talk to her manager.
MOS girl: (walking back) Uh, my manager says, strawberry flavour is supposed to be a bit sour.
My brother: But... mine's coffee flavoured.
MOS girl: Oh. (shuffles back to manager)
My brother: (waits in confusion)
My brother's friend: (raises eyebrow)
MOS girl: Uh, I think it's the vanilla powder never mix properly.
My brother: Oh. Then.... can I have another one?
MOS girl: (pauses) Ok, I go mix for you.
My brother: (waits)
My brother's friend: (gives raised eyebrow and shakes head)
MOS girl: (returns and hands him milkshake) Nah, vanilla flavoured right? (shuffles off and starts serving other customers)
My brother: But.... (trails off) Nevermind.
My brother's friend: Dude, try it try it!
My brother: I'm trying I'm trying!
Other than the mix-up between coffee, vanilla, and strawberry flavours, the new one that she passed him was so thick he had to take the cap off because he couldn't get any through the straw. HAHAH. omg and he swears it's a true story. I mean. Wow. It's these people that truly make life worth living :D
---
Speaking of people that make life worth living, I feel really bad for the polarbear.
I mean, I know I'm an over-affectionate gusher sometimes, and I do it mostly for laughs, but I never thought it'd affect other people too. And in a bad way.
And I've got a feeling the polarbear's getting a bit too much of unwanted attention due to my over-affectionate hugs and arm-in-arm strolls, all of which I was guilty of imposing on him.
I feel real bad. Like, really. I never meant to make things uncomfortable for him, and even though he hasn't really said it in that many words, I sort of feel it. And it's a baaadd feeling.
Maybe that's why he was reluctant to go out with us this thurs :( I'm really sorry, polarbear. I'll back off from now on.
---
Young was right. The fish IS nicer :)
btw, the left column only shows if you're viewing in Firefox, so go download it! or not... either way it's free!
*
I'm in the middle of LTB meeting and I feel like my eyeballs are about to fall out of my skull.
I realise that I'm in dire need of film-making skills.
---
My brother is the funniest shit ever. He told me this absolutely hilarious story.
Ok, so he and his friend are at MOS Burger, and my brother orders a milkshake. He tastes it and it seems a little sour. So he asks the girl at the counter if he can get another one. She gives him a blank look and "er.."s a bit before going off to talk to her manager.
MOS girl: (walking back) Uh, my manager says, strawberry flavour is supposed to be a bit sour.
My brother: But... mine's coffee flavoured.
MOS girl: Oh. (shuffles back to manager)
My brother: (waits in confusion)
My brother's friend: (raises eyebrow)
MOS girl: Uh, I think it's the vanilla powder never mix properly.
My brother: Oh. Then.... can I have another one?
MOS girl: (pauses) Ok, I go mix for you.
My brother: (waits)
My brother's friend: (gives raised eyebrow and shakes head)
MOS girl: (returns and hands him milkshake) Nah, vanilla flavoured right? (shuffles off and starts serving other customers)
My brother: But.... (trails off) Nevermind.
My brother's friend: Dude, try it try it!
My brother: I'm trying I'm trying!
Other than the mix-up between coffee, vanilla, and strawberry flavours, the new one that she passed him was so thick he had to take the cap off because he couldn't get any through the straw. HAHAH. omg and he swears it's a true story. I mean. Wow. It's these people that truly make life worth living :D
---
Speaking of people that make life worth living, I feel really bad for the polarbear.
I mean, I know I'm an over-affectionate gusher sometimes, and I do it mostly for laughs, but I never thought it'd affect other people too. And in a bad way.
And I've got a feeling the polarbear's getting a bit too much of unwanted attention due to my over-affectionate hugs and arm-in-arm strolls, all of which I was guilty of imposing on him.
I feel real bad. Like, really. I never meant to make things uncomfortable for him, and even though he hasn't really said it in that many words, I sort of feel it. And it's a baaadd feeling.
Maybe that's why he was reluctant to go out with us this thurs :( I'm really sorry, polarbear. I'll back off from now on.
---
Young was right. The fish IS nicer :)
btw, the left column only shows if you're viewing in Firefox, so go download it! or not... either way it's free!
mels was awake at 04:43 p.m.
*
Tuesday, November 7, 2006
Hello, Stranger
Talk about revisiting old spaces.
Well hello again, stranger :) I hope you've had a nice life since I was gone.
Then again, nothing says blog-warming like a good ol' introduction, followed by that ever-important disclaimer.
Me? I'm no one. Not in particular, anyways.
Well hello again, stranger :) I hope you've had a nice life since I was gone.
Then again, nothing says blog-warming like a good ol' introduction, followed by that ever-important disclaimer.
Me? I'm no one. Not in particular, anyways.
mels was awake at 03:43 a.m.
*