Wednesday, January 1, 2003 at 02:37 p.m.
Happy Holidays, everyone!
While I'm not in a particular mood to quote Bret's blog, I still must respond to it! I'm compelled. It's in response to his comments on my theories and whatnot. First and foremost, I believe my comments two years ago, believing I probably needed a girlfriend, were terrible! I cannot even believe I would think that--more or less post it on the Utopia. However, I must say that during that time (and now throughout), I've been stressed beyond what I am typically used to--I was probably thinking that if I did have a girlfriend, it would be less stressful! Goodness. What n abusrd thought! Of course it would be more stressful. Perhaps I was looking for a true confidante, but I think that in time, I got used to the stress and was able to rely on my friends, who have all been tremendously supportive. I recently took a survey off of one of those links on the bottom of MSN Messenger. It was a test to determine if you were going to burn out from your job--which I consider as a student. According to my results, I'm going to burn like that garlic bread I put in the oven for way too long! Good thing that fire alarm didn't go off! It's somewhat scary, though, thinking that one is going to burn out very soon...I think my friends need to get those buckets of water ready.
In another response to Bret's blog (isn't this great?), I have to write about the whole "Teens are horny and they're going to have sex. If they're not having love sex, then they're going to have lust sex" comment. First of all, think about it. Let's take a step back into history. We did not always have teen pregnancy problems. Teenagers always will have hormones, very true. However, if society would actually take action in discouraging teen relationships, I definitely feel that the amount of illegitamite (sp?! break is getting to me!) children would decrease. Our society promotes it way too much. On soap operas (perhaps not the most educational, but I think it's a solid reference), there are teens running amok with pregnancies here, marriages (before college! the nerve!). Society needs change (how general)...
Must work on Physics project. Kudos for now.
Entered by Denny
Tuesday, December 31, 2002 at 01:46 p.m. I've found a really good Chinese music website at Boxup.com. You can listen to all these songs (when the server isn't busy, but all you have to do in that case is click on it again), but the only catch is that you can't download anything, unless you pay. And, the site is entirely in Chinese, but thankfully they have the singers' English names (for example: Aaron Kwok Fu-Shing is listed right next to the Chinese symbols for Kwok Fu-Shing). Even if they didn't, I think I could manage because I can recognize my favorites and their names in Chinese. I'm currently listening to some stuff by Twins, and I don't understand their popularity. The only song I actually enjoy is Ichiban Hing Fun. Their songs are okay, I guess, but they're so typical of Canto-pop. Interesting.
Break has been really nice. I've been able to catch up on sleep and leisure reading, hobbies (hobbies? I consider sleep a necesity) I usually don't get enough of during the regular school year.
My cousins from Florida came for dinner yesterday. They're nice and all, but seeing as how I've only seem them twice in my entire life, it felt awkward at times. They're also much older than I am. Mark is 28, and Curt is 26. Mark wants to go into law and Curt is a bartender. (Is that sp right?) Anyways, enough of Twins. I've always thought Joey Yung looked like Vicki Zhao. Okay, enough of me babbling too!
Kudos for now.
Entered by Denny
Friday, December 27, 2002 at 10:47 p.m. I've had recent attacks on my theories lately on dating and relationships. I still, however, retain them. Perhaps I haven't met the highly overrated the one and never will, but it doesn't make any sense.
"Love isn't supposed to make sense. It's just a feeling."
What the heck is that supposed to mean? It's a logical feeling. Perhaps why you are attracted to a person may not be as logical--but it still shouldn't be called this mysterious power or whatever. It's something you base your actions on. All this "let's break up" or "let's still be friends" or "I hate you" crap is so terrible. Why not hold off on relationships until you're ready? College is a good time. People are often times more mature at that point and have a good sense of themselves. Why start high school relationships if they aren't going to last? How many "high school" sweetheart relationships work out successfully? The point of it...is so pointless. Is it just because someone did it and others are doing it to fit in? What ever became wrong with being friends?
"Nothing's wrong with being friends...but going out is special."
If friendship is fine, I see no reason to escalate it to the next level--especially if it causes more hurt and pain than friendships do! It would solve all these pre-martial sex issues and teen pregnancies running around rampantly in America. Ugh.
Kudos for now. Entered by Denny
Friday, December 27, 2002 at 01:29 p.m. Hey, everyone! It's been two days after Christmas, and I've been doing quite dandy. Unfortunately, I haven't been updating as much as I would have liked to; instead, the Physics golf ball project has taken my life (and house) by storm. I still think it's impossible, even after spending countless hours on it, but since it counts as an exam grade, I have to turn something in on the Wednesday back from break.
On a materialistic level, I had a grand Christmas. I got a bunch of CDs and VCDs from Yesasia, clothes, books and money. On the actual spiritual level of the holidays, that wasn't all so bad either. I got to spend it with my family (and some of my extended family), as usual, and the topic of colleges was brought up, which fits Teen Angst: Naaah (one of the books I received for Christmas) very well, and of course, has me extremely worried. Aunt Rosie found it unacceptable that I wasn't going to take the SAT, so I guess I'll have to give in and take that too, because the next time I see her, she'll probably ask what I got on it.
The HRC get-together/party/whatever-you-want-to-call-it went very well. We all got along very well, and it was extremely festive in light of the holiday season. There were a few mentionable things, however. To begin with, the Scattergories with the perverse theme was slightly annoying. And then people running over and finding out what they wrote--if they don't even bother or can't say it out loud, why bother putting it down? Another thing, much to my disappointment, I felt that once I popped in the Chinese music and Cassie started to say, "What's with the Japanese?!", people wanted to leave. So, I guess I did learn something: if you ever need to disperse a get-together a.s.a.p., just let me know. I'll let you borrow some VCDs. Works like magic. (yes, I realize that was a fragment, but let's just make up something in English grammar. I'll call it the "understood it." Sounds good.)
Now Bush wants to attack N. Korea? My goodness. That is absolutely insane. First of all, we cannot go after every country with nuclear activity. It would involve going after ourselves. First Iraq, now N. Korea. Let's pick our battles carefully, eh, Bush?
Must eat lunch. Kudos for now. Entered by Denny
Wednesday, December 18, 2002 at 04:50 p.m. That was way too sad of a post. Sorry for those who became teary-eyed during the reading process. However, it did help venting-wise.
I've decided from now on that I should watch carefully what I say. I always get worked up over some issue, and sometimes, I may say things I don't mean and perhaps may regret in the future. Also, I should watch out for sensititve subjects that may involve external forces outside of my control. One may wonder how this affects chemokinetic in anyway? It does, rest assured, lad. The topics I normally grouch and groan about may not appear so frequently (I know they have recently). I do not know whether this will mean a decrease in posts. I hate self-censorship, but it's best for one to speak wisely. Is there a difference between self-censorship and speaking wisely and appropriately? Hmm, I should re-take Speech. Obviously, Schakel did not do that great of a job. Somehow, I get this eerie feeling that Denny's Utopia isn't so Denny anymore, as if it has this empty feeling. Kudos for now. Entered by Denny
Wednesday, December 11, 2002 at 11:10 p.m. Imagine working four years on a project. Getting promoted. Doing well. On the job. Friendships. Success.
Now imagine a sudden, screeching halt to these four years of happiness. Crash. A sudden, screeching halt to these four years of friendship, success and motivation. Boom. Would you feel shafted?
Dear Denny,
That is the end. I am out now. My time done. Bills paid. As I look back at all the memories of Science Olympiad in these past four years, tears of happiness...but also of not wanting to let go...stroll down my cheeks, flood my eyes. I blink.
I have made so many friends through the program. These are the people I love so dearly. People I have worked with for hours on end. We laugh together, sing together... Then, I engrain the imagine of them standing on the podium, celebrating together--there is someone missing. Myself. They were all chosen, except me. They are all smiling for the camera. They are all singing Build Me Up Buttercup...wait, I remember that song. Hold on, wait for me! The image slowly fades and I remember I am no longer with them. A slow, haunting feeling of isolation clouded my train of thought.
The medals underneath my bed are useless now, signifying an end to what was such a wonderful experience. They clink everytime I open the box, and the thin sheet of dust mobilizes. Each one brings a memory to my mind. A certain test problem. A specific experiment. A specific friendship. I slowly close the box, tears bubbling underneath my eyelids.
Each medal also brings with it a representation of hard work. Years of hard work. Into a program. For four years. My hard work was not good enough, not nearly enough this time to bring myself another position on the team. For that matter, my dedication and motivation are also useless, just like the tossed aside medals.
I begin to realize it's only the beginning of a long end
Kudos for now. Entered by Denny
Monday, December 9, 2002 at 05:38 p.m. Well, my day was really ruined. Okay, fine, maybe not 'really,' but certainly close enough...
I've mentioned the Senate article and reaction previously. Today, we continued to see its consequences. I'll say today that I was officially repudiated by the Blade advisor for my actions--publically, mind you. Of course, Mr. Sikkenga did not name anyone (me), but everyone knew--the Senate fiasco has gotten me famous. Basically, he called me arrogant. I was so insulted. If he wanted to express disapproval for my actions, he could pull me aside separately and talk to me. He did not have to ridicule me in front of the entire classroom. It really put off my day, which was going so-so to begin with...What angers me the most is that I've just been trying to help Senate all long. I wrote that article to spark change, and I was glad to see them publish a newsletter. I felt like I made a difference. Then, to have the Senate President...and even worse...a teacher rebuke my actions--hello? What ever happened to 'Thank You' cards? Perhaps I was too critical, but I spoke my mind. It was to change Senate for the better. To be sworn at and now to be called arrogant is not my idea of a good time. It is completely wrong. By wanting to find errors, I wanted to ensure they were not made in the future. It's not like I enjoying ripping apart newsletters and telling everyone what Senate has done wrong (well, for the most part). However, I would have nothing to do if Senate has been doing their job. Besides, I'm not the only person who believes Senate needs reform. Egh. It just makes me unspeakably angry. I won't even blog anymore about a certain managing editor. Anyways, lots of tarea. Kudos for now.
Entered by Denny
Saturday, December 7, 2002 at 03:37 p.m. Well, that entry was awfully analytical. However, I guess it proves either A) I did pick up some skills last year in AP Comp or B) I'm just that type of person. Either way, I promise I won't be nearly as "Blah Blah Blah" this time.
I've been listening to more and more Chinese music lately, and I cannot begin to express how relaxing it is. Mandarin, well, is okay, but in my opinion, Cantonese is the way to go. Gigi Leung is turing out to be one of my favorites so far. Too bad I did not end up ordering one of her CDs on Yesasia.com.
In other news, I've been comtemplating about my schedule next year. The newspaper has been popping up in my contemplations most frequently. I've been thinking about either three things for Blade next year. I could step down as a copy editor and become a staff writer. I could remain as a copy editor...or I could become a section editor. I have given the first option lots of thought. As of now, I am starting to think it's the way to go. It will avoid further potential conflicts with my superior editors, and I won't have to stay much for paste-ups. Sure, I'll have to write more stories, but that won't be much of a problem. As it is now, I am definitely unhappy being a copy editor. After all, my own style and writing gets slaughtered by someone who is suddenly my superior. No, not anymore, I don't think so. Sure, things have healed on the outside, but I still maintain a belief she is not qualified to be managing editor. I think sometimes a monkey could do a better job. Then, I think the opposite -- I don't have to give into that fart nugget.
I've started reading Gao Xingjian's Soul Mountain for leisure, and I think it's fairly well written, although I don't know what the Nobel Academy finds in his literature, for I have read far better works in the past.
Oh, and I'll update you on something. I wrote an opinion editoral for the newspaper on the ineffectiveness on Student Senate--and the President blew up in my face yesterday...literally swearing and cursing me! I'm sitting there calmly and rationally responding. He left after one of the assistant principals told us not to make a spectacle in the lunch room. It is not ever like I am the only person in the student population to believe that Senate needs reform. I am just the person who write the article. Perhaps sometimes it is better to remain silent. On the other hand, I think when he blew up, it was rather humorous and entertaining. Hehe. He sure made Senate look bad! Entered by Denny
Thursday, December 5, 2002 at 11:16 a.m. Wow! Look at this...posting at the school--what a strange thought. I must be working ultra-hard to please the "masses" who come here. If only I worked that hard in Physics...
Speaking of school, let's go into the recent events. There's been a steady decline in my academic performance, which is not very uplifting considering it is my most important junior year. I'm carrying two A-'s on my shoulders right now, Physics (which I guess is okay) and Literature. Of course, I'm not happy with the Lit grade. Having bombed my Midsummer Night's Dream test, I still feel like I have worked harder to deserve a higher grade in that class. It's all very depressing.
Do you ever just sit back and think about the future...or even the past (like one of those "how would things been different had such and such...")? Oh no, I'm in a weird mood again. Hang on to your seatbelts, ladies and gentlemen--wait, you aren't wearing 'em? Buckle up! Anyways, I feel like sometimes all this work I'm doing is not getting me anywhere. Recently, my cousin told me: "If I had known grades were as insignificant as they are [in college], then I definitely would not have worked as hard." I start to wonder...is it worth it? Am I causing un-necessary stress? Could I lighten up and still perform as I do now? And then I heard a story about some kid blatantly cheating during some test--because he wanted the "A." Is that what it's come down to? Cheating? And then there's the worry of occupation. College is a must, for I have not worked this hard just to grill burgers at the local McDonalds. Am I going to end up working when people are disrespectful towards one another? Senora becomes so disheartened when her students perform poorly on an assessment. She even said today that the quiz on reflexivos still gets to her. And I start to wonder...whoa. Will I be the next Senora? Of course, some will label her a nut and toss her aside, but I canot help but think and overanalyze. Enough worries, let's discuss.
Thanks, Lauren, for your utlra-analyzed thoughts on racism. I will agree with you that racism does stem from the white culture. It's a superiority complex spanning from only God knowns when. However, I will disagree with you on the belief that it cannot be solved. Of course it can. There are non-racist whites out there who are very in "touch", as you would say, with their culture. It's a possible problem to solve. It's not like taking the square root of a negative. Let me tell ya, in this case, the problem is a "positive".
Kudos for now. Entered by Denny
Tuesday, December 3, 2002 at 07:38 p.m. Greeting, everyone to land of Denny's Utopia!
Okay, okay, okay...anyways, let's get down to business. I can officially drive, but my parents are being overly protective in not letting me drive out when the weather is poor. That's a load of bull crapperoni.
Bush has gotten the support of Turkey. Darn him. What evidence has he provided justifying going to war? There's some; Iraq has some nukes, but so do dozen of other countries. Maybe I'm just liberal.
Kudos for now. Entered by Denny
Saturday, November 30, 2002 at 02:15 p.m. Happy Saturday, everyone, and a belated Happy Thanksgiving to you all.
I'd like to congratulate Bret for alas taking my advice and starting a blog. The entries, while negative at this point, are very good, I believe, in that it enables all the emotions to come on out. Keep up the nice work, Bret...oh, and may I also add that I am extremely proud of myself for updating twice in one weekend? Sure enough, it's a long weekend, but I still deserve one of those pat on the backs.
Oh, and I am thrilled to have finally be old enough to drive! Thanks to everyone who wished me a good birthday and in particular those who got me gifts and cards...
Kudos for now! Entered by Denny
Wednesday, November 27, 2002 at 09:16 p.m. Wow. Long time no update. Lo siento. I'm sure, however, everyone has been waiting for me to give some sort of opinion or something. Sorry for the wait.
Anyways, Blade has been irking me some more. These new rules have been invented; they completely squash opposition to any sort of disagreements people have with a select few in charge. Oh well, if they're rules that won't be enforced (and I highly doubt they will be), then I won't worry about it, I guess.
In other news, I must say that I've been having some issues trying to contain my excitement that my birthday is fast approaching. I don't ever remember it being so close to Turkey Day before...hmmm...*daydreaming off into thought* That's right, family is coming in for tomorrow. Grandma, who has fallen terribly ill (and believe me, it was quite a nasty fall), is still coming in despite her illness...
Oh, yeah: All those in favor of having an ethnic diversity minority forum say "Yea." Entered by Denny
...I regret to inform you that you were not selected to be on the team this year...
Kudos for now.
Yea
Yea
Yea
...hehe.
Kudos for now.