Well it's been a while since I last wrote on this thing. Many many reasons for that. For one thing I caught a cold that has been raging in my body since last friday. It still hasn't gone away.

This leads to a current problem, I failed my mock prt this morning even though normally I should have been able to pass it..but nooooo..since I was taking an expectorant it was kinda hard to run 1 mile+ 1/2 when you are coughing up phlegm every 5 seconds augh. I know that had I had an adequate O2 supply reaching my muscles I would have easily passed. I ended up with a time of 15:51 and I think for my age group I should be running @ 15:15..but I'm not sure cause they never tell us the numbers.

So anyway, besides the mock the weather has been killing me lately too cause the change has been so dramatic. One day it's in the 80's, the next in the 60's the next 40 the next 70 etc etc. It's so crazy that almost everyone is sick.

More news, Holzemer came back last friday too. It was awkward cause he came to my room to get my stuff and we talked about what went on in Iraq like old chums or something even though it was very clear to me that he resents me for cheating on him. Strangely he has never brought the subject up and for that I am grateful because the last thing I want to do is get into another arguement. I mean isn't that why I don't want to date him anymore? To stop the arguements in the first place? Oh well. At least he has Shenene to hang with..they will always be good friends no matter what. Woop-dee-doooooo.

To make things worse there hasn't been hot water at the barracks for at least 3 days now so I have had to walk all the way to the hospital to take hot showers cause I refuse to dunk my already sick ass in cold water..and I must bathe every day or else it is just unhygenic! Arrrggg. It's really out of the way..a 10 min. walk just to take a damn hot shower. God damn navy..

Well on a good note I did find a website that ships live fish and the sort. So I bought shrimp, crabs, a snail, a clam, some plants and a few more bettas for my tank. i am so excited I can't wait till they arrive!

I also bought like 7 (or was it more?) games for my ps2 cause I was bored. It all came out to $200-something hahahaha..oh well, to be happy one must spoil themselves.

Speaking of happy I got do my self medicated therapeutic session that I have not been able to do in months. You know what I mean. The side effects though have hit me hard this time around. Still it is nice to remind myself that I am capable of being truly happy and peaceful without any reason to be..yep.

With that said I am gathering up the balls to tell my therapist everything. I mean EVERYTHING. It will get me in a lot of trouble but hopefully if god is merciful this could be my painless ticket home. However optimism is hard when you already run a bad record with a bad rep. Oh well some chances are worth taking I guess. Keep your fingers crossed people..prayer does not hurt either. NO matter what I am on a mission to save my sanity!

Friday, September 24, 2004
11:38 p.m.

Well as promised the weekend has come. I'm trying to chill and relax..let some tension go. I have to prepare myself for what I gotta do to get out of this shit hole. But for now I'll just lay back with a nice bowl of raisin bran and vanilla soymilk...mmmmm...heaven. Erg my remaining fishies are all doing well. I assume the others were just sick without symptoms cause I know for a fact Mr. Wiggles was a little porker. Oh well. I still have most of my babies intact. Well I'm running around fixing stuff soooooo gotta go.

Saturday, September 11, 2004
01:51 a.m.

So I haven't written in a few days but that's because I have had lots of stuff happen. Not good stuff like always..to summarize..

I had a nurse tell me my technique in taking temps was probably wrong. That was a real slap in the face cause all I have done for one year was take temps on babies. Then when she took it herself it was lower than mine..augh.

Just yesterday I had another nurse tell me that I had no right to get pissed off at her since I get on her nerves daily. Well that's a big freakin news flash I knew she didn't like me for a long time. She told me I was disrespectful and that I was mouthing off lately. I said I was not mouthing off I was treating people how they treat me, answering in the same tone given to me, and learning to defend myself. Cause I did not join the navy to be treated like shit and from now on I was not gonna take anymore bullshit.

I had another nurse butt in on my patient and do stuff in my stead, then yell at me and tell me I was lazy on the computer all the time. Well that's funny cause nobody asked him to go in and do those things for one thing, cause I have a system for doing stuff. Second the reason it took me so long was because I was sent on mission to get something and it took me nearly half an hour cause of the run around they gave me, and in the end I couldn't find the damn thing they were looking for! so it was a complete waste of time. Whatever that's what you get from trying to be a team player and help other people. I should have just told them to do it themselves and tended to my patient faster, so bumfuck nurse wouldn't have *been obligated to do it*.

To top it all off Mr. Wiggles (Black moore) and my two guppies died..freaking great. Mr. Wiggles I found floating..don't know why. The pretty spotted guppy I found half eaten (the bettas must have feasted but I don't know how he died) and the yellow guppy developed hemorraghic septecimia. I tried to save him but I think I noticed the disease too late in it's progress, the meds couldn't reverse it. Then the saddest one of all, Celeste died, so I am now down to 4 bettas instead of 5. She knocked the lid off her bowl and commited suicide cause I found her shriveled in the sink. The worst part is that everytime one of them died I was at freaking work, so I always came back to my room just to discover one of my babies dead. Everyone else is just fine..I just hope nothing goes wrong with them too.

So yeah..shitty shitty past week. I least I get this weekend off..hopefully I can relax and get some good sleep since I have become an insomniac lately. I can't wait to see my therapist cause I have got shit to get off my chest.

Well gotta go I am at work like always.

Friday, September 10, 2004
02:05 a.m.