|
surf
mothers who think
hipmama
slowlane
read for them
Family Matters
Our Babies, Our Selves
Operating Instructions
Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way
The Baby Book
Parenting the Fussy Baby and the High-Need Child
Nighttime Parenting
Attachment Parenting
read with them
More, More, More Said The Baby
One Yellow Lion
Goodnight Moon
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
The Very Quiet Cricket
Alphabet City
|
Monday, November 29, 1999
This weblog is written from the viewpoint of a father helping to bring up his new son. The key word here is 'helping', Ethan and I are blessed to have a mother and partner who is filling both our lives with love, wisdom, strength and the humor needed to raise a child. Caroline is an amazing and incredible mother but she is also a photographer, teacher, swimmer, confidant, best friend and so many more things to both of us. You can see his love for her in his eyes when she walks into the room - he smiles, laughs and flaps his arms in complete happiness. I stopped flapping my arms a while ago, but I hope she still sees the laughing and smiling that's inside.
Tomorrow, November 30th is her birthday, so if you have a minute please send her an e-mail and wish her a great birthday.
p.s. You can tell her that I love her but don't mention the website just yet, it's still a surprise.
Monday, November 29, 1999
We're back from our hectic holiday. Arrived home at about 1:30 AM on Saturday night. Ethan slept for almost 14 hours Sunday, I guess he is as tired from the trip as we are. I'd love to post touristy pictures of NYC but we don't have any. All of our time was spent with family and friends from the city, to Long Island, to Westchester to New Jersey. Ethan weathered the traveling very well, at times he seemed like a virtual poster child for the pleasant baby society. He's a very happy kid and that spirit can infect everyone around him.
Highlights of the trip include Ethan's first real crawling experience on Thanksgiving night. He saw the cell phone on the hotel bed and headed for it in a big way. A great way to end Thanksgiving day.
Saturday, November 27, 1999
The weather is finally better. We're headed out to Maplewood, New Jersey tonight and then home. I've seen babies in all manner of strollers here in the city, including a high end pram that looked like the Rolls Royce model. Details, striping, whitewalls the whole nine yards.
The folks at Ess-A-Bagel were happy to see Ethan this morning. If you're in the city stop by our favorite bagel place for an everything with a schmer.
And there's no funny stuff here. Know what you want to order, have your money ready and get outta here. The no-frills place takes its bagels seriously. Once you get a taste, you'll agree that Ess-A-Bagel is where it's at.
From the website New York Now.
Thursday, November 25, 1999
We're in New York City for Thanksgiving. Windy, rainy nasty weather kept us away from the parade. Ethan will get to see it soon enough though. We stopped by our favorite Ess-A-Bagel on 50th and 3rd only to find it closed. We'll go back tomorrow to take some pictures that we can load up when we return.
Ethan fell asleep on 2nd Avenue while walking back to the hotel last night, quietly snoozing in the carrier through fire alarms and even a car wreck.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Tuesday, November 23, 1999
Another is the long line of excellent stories/articles/rants on "Mothers Who Think" in Salon. If you're not a regular reader you should be. Salon offers some of the most intelligent writing on the web. Today's story is On Being Ken.
Tuesday, November 23, 1999
On todays walk we ran into some local residents. Here is an unfortunately out of focus picture of Dave and Charlie.
We stopped in at Cold Spring Coffee Roasters where I tried (and failed) to resist getting a coffee. I stuck with decaf, that makes 3 in the last 10 days, I'm not doing so well on my habit. Paul was at the controls of the Probat Roaster doing his part to keep our little "Silicon Village" wired.
Monday, November 22, 1999
Today's Mothers Who Think features an article called "The Cult of The Cloth", an essay about cloth diapering.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized I was witnessing a cult. For these women (and that one guy), diapering is not just a way to keep one's lap dry. With its fragrant oils and distilled waters, its virgin-white cloths, vestment fancies and gestures of humiliating servitude, cloth diapering is nothing short of a rite of purification in the worship of their children. Hail Jesus, Mary and ... Justin?
I'm proud to say that I was the research maven for our cloth diapers (although not the one mentioned in the article). I think the article fairly explores many of the motivations of the cloth diapering crowd but misses the big picture which is simply this - we think that this is a better way of doing things.
It seems that a cultural backlash is being created against parents who seem to care too much about their children. I'm sure that we'll want a break from the awesome responsibilities of raising our child at some point - but he's only six months old - I'm willing to sacrifice some of my life to make sure he gets a good start on his. I'm willing to spend the extra time washing and folding diapers. Why do so many people seem to have a problem with that? Why are some many people urging parents who are happy to be spending the time to "take a break"?
Monday, November 22, 1999
Even though I'm a software developer myself, I feel hesitant to look at "Learning Software" for children. Somehow it seems a bit forced, too much of the electronic babysitter mentality. Most of the stuff I've seen is full of distracting sounds and colors, the learning portion of it is in there somewhere, it just seems buried behind a wall of cacaphony (see my Baby Mozart review for the video equivalent).
There may be some hope, this company sounds like they're on the right track.
Sunday, November 21, 1999
We continued tracking the squnny this afternoon. A search on the hillsides around town proved fruitless. We did, however, encounter one of the squnnie's minions who mocked us from his perch.
Stay tuned for updates on our progress.
Sunday, November 21, 1999
Today on our walk Ethan and I once again encountered the mystical "Squnny", half squirrel - half bunny in his natural habitat - the lawn of the library. Hopes of snapping a picture of the wild beast fade as wintertime approaches. We'll keep you posted on our efforts.
Friday, November 19, 1999
Blessed art thou digital camera and time-sucker. To date we have snapped approximately 2000 digital photos of young Ethan. These pictures are rapidly e-mailed to grandparents and friends or posted on web sites for the public at large. In the beginning we viewed the camera as a "money saver", no more film, no more prints, no more reprints. Later we thought "time saver", no more trips to the photo lab, no more waiting for development. Of course, now we spend hours at the computer choosing just the right image from our rapidly expanding digital library. "Can't we take the red eye out?", Photoshop, Graphic Converter, Nikon View Browser, Cameraid, Eudora, Outlook Express .... I think we need a bigger memory card, wouldn't it be great to print these out. Can't we build a web site?
Time saver? Forget it. Money Saver? The jury is still out. Still, the thrill of taking a picture and sending it off to appreciative folks for immediate reaction is well worth it. If you want to put a quick smile on my face take a picture of Ethan and e-mail it to me, I'll take a quick look and get back to work. Of course, if I just cropped it a little on the left hand side . . .
Thursday, November 18, 1999
As Ethan reaches six months of age we are faced with a barrage of choices about his diet. Continue to breastfeed exclusively or begin solid foods slowly or, as some parents think, move to solid foods exclusively. Mothers have the ability to directly provide their babies with the very stuff that keeps them alive and healthy, breastmilk. Contemplating the loss of that connection, even minimally, is a deeply personal experience for parents and should not be entered into lightly.
A series of eye-opening articles appeared on Salon a few months ago about the age old breastfeeding vs. formula debate that are worth reading. Formula for Disaster Part 1 and Part 2
Thursday, November 18, 1999
Although I don't qualify as a stay at home dad (SAHD) for those who do there is a great resource called SlowLane that offers support for stay at home dads, primary caregiving fathers and their families.
SlowLane hosts regional SAHD networks, how-to articles, poetry and an overall wealth of information.
Wednesday, November 17, 1999
Mother to Son
by Langston Hughes
Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floorâ?”
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall nowâ?”
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
Langston Hughes, "Mother to Son" from Collected Poems (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1994). Copyright © 1994 by the Estate of Langston Hughes.
Wednesday, November 17, 1999
I don't think we have enough music in Ethan's life. I'm sitting here at work listening to the wonderful music of The Chieftans and it's making me happy. Sometimes music seems so distracting for a child who can barely focus on the same thing for 30 seconds though. We had some beautiful music on during Caroline's labor and Ethan's birth that now seems to be hard-wired into my brain. I can't hear it anymore without getting overcome by emotions. Its called The Planet Sleeps and its a powerful and beautiful recording that I urge you to seek out.
Monday, November 15, 1999
How do we make the daunting series of choices that confront us as parents? Natural Childbirth vs. Epidurals, Hospital Birth vs. Birth Center vs. Home Birth, Breastfeeding vs. Formula. The list goes on and on, sometimes we feel like the 50-foot wave of decision making is crashing down on us and we have to keep paddling as fast as we can so that we don't get pummeled on the rocks. We all have a lifetimes worth of experiences and thoughts that lead us to the decisions we make about our children but it seems like these decisions are often reached without any conviction.
We struggle and debate almost everything that we do, but in the end we feel like we have tried as hard as we can to do whats best for our child and I urge everyone to be the same. Make your childcare decisions, whatever those decisions are, with as much conviction as you can muster.
Tuesday, November 9, 1999
It's crazy, the emotional swings that go through me as I think about Ethan and Caroline during the day. I picture him in the swing at the playground, or happily bouncing in his sling on his mom's chest - head back, toothless grin on his face - happy to be enjoying the day. I well up with tears, his trust and love in us as parents is reflected in his face. I never want to betray that trust, I'll do everything I can to give him what he needs.
Recently, he's needed holding. I think his cognitive skills have increased beyond his physical capabilities. He sees and hears everything around him but, because he isn't mobile, he finds it hard to do anything about it. This frustrates him - the only cure for now is to hold him. Of course, I don't mind this. I won't look back in five years and say "you know, I think we held him too much".
Friday, November 5, 1999
Ethan is an outdoor kid. Doesn't matter is he's frustrated, or upset or not feeling well - as soon as you get him outside he's happy. I wonder if this personality trait will stay with him?
Many people feel that a child's ultimate personality is set at a fairly young age. Micheal Apted made a fascinating documentary called the 7 Up series, currently at 42 Up that explores this theme with a socio-economically diverse group of British children. It's an amazing look at personality, growth and the class system in Britain - if you haven't seen it, I encourage you to do so.
Thursday, November 4, 1999
Ethan's first swimming experience was today. We went to the combination play/swim group at the local Y. Of course, we had to lie about his age to get him in.
Us: "Really, he's six months old"
Them: "He doesn't look a day over 5 1/2 months to me"
He loved it! Splashing, laughing and generally having a great time in his styling yellow swimsuit. Looks like he's got a future as a fish.
Thursday, November 4, 1999
On our walk this morning Ethan and I stopped by the Williams pool to warm up a bit and get out of the cold wind. We met Kit (the Williams Diving Coach) and Annie her 13 month old daughter. I've seen Annie at the pool numerous times, happy in her stroller as her mother teaches swim lessons to Williamstown youth. She seems so happy to be watching the activity around her. I think that all kids are like that, comfortable in places their parents are comfortable, happy in their daily routines. Ethan is the happiest with me on our morning walks. Winter is coming though and we'll have to find a new morning ritual. It saddens me that we'll have to stop walking but I'm looking forward to discovering the next thing that he enjoys.
Wednesday, November 3, 1999
Isn't it sad that babies don't remember the first few years of their lives? A time filled with love and new experiences, all tucked away somewhere but mostly gone.
Amy Arbus has a new book out called the inconvenience of being born that chronicles babies in the first six months of life, the emotions playing on their faces, angry, sad, frustrated and happy.
Thursday, October 28, 1999
I found an amazing website this morning, HaringKids all about Keith Haring, his art, and how you can combine the two in educational and fun ways for kids. Aside from the fact that I like his art, and think the whole concept is pretty cool, one thing especially struck me. I searched in vain for something to buy- I couldn't believe that there was a website out there that didn't desperately want to sell me something, but it seems to be true. I encourage you to check it out.
Just for comparison, read this privacy statement and think about how other web sites for kids compare.
Wednesday, October 27, 1999
Sometimes I get a sense that things are "happening" in this area. I just had a conversation with Brett who is the Tech Director at MassMoCA (my office is located here) and we talked about all the high-tech firms sprouting in the area and how we could use MassMoCA to foster a sense of community amongst the new firms and hires. It would be nice to feel like we're all connected in some way, hoping to have an interesting work life with a high-tech job but managing to live in a rural community.
I know I'm looking for that same sense of community for Ethan, its one of the reasons we moved to a small town. I meet and talk with more people just walking around with Ethan that I ever did before. I'm trying to learn to drop my guard of suspicion and arrogance, and try to accept people for what they are. I'm still not very good at it, but I'm getting there.
Tuesday, October 26, 1999
Ethan talks to tags. Regardless of the toy in front of him he usually finds the tag and concentrates mightily on touching it, chewing it and holding a lengthy conversation with it. Which brings up the question, could you make a toy that was just a tag? Would it have it's own tag? Is it actually the tag that the baby is drawn to or the difference between the tag and the toy? I asked Ethan but he didn't really have an opinion.
Monday, October 25, 1999
I tried to add an epinion on cloth diapers but to my frustration, there was no category available. I wrote to the "feedback" person and they said they'd get on it. It may be news to you but there is a raging debate on the concept of epinions being carried out on the Internet. It strikes me as an academic exercise, a quote I once heard "Academics debate things so ferociously because there is so little at stake".
I wonder what my motivation is for writing an epinion? Ego? Money? (Full disclosure, as of this writing I have made three dollars and ninety cents). I think I'd rather steer people away from bad products than pronounce the greatness of the good ones. As to cloth diapers - we use Mother-Ease and have been very happy with them. Enough said.
Friday, October 22, 1999
I had a poster of The GashlyCrumb Tinies by Edward Gorey in my office that depicted children dying typically "Goreian" deaths revolving around letters of the alphabet. "N is for NEVILLE who died of ennui". A co-worker, who was a new father, told me that I wouldn't find this sort of thing so humourous after my own child was born. I'm still working on this, I know I'm more senstive to things like violence that I used to be able to pass off as "unrealistic". I'm not sure I'm ready to have Ethan exposed to this. On the other hand, I still find humour in twisted things, witness the illustrations for:
"Childrens Books You'll Never See".
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Strangers have the best candy
You were an accident
And the Classic:
The Beastly Baby, Edward Gorey
Friday, October 22, 1999
We're thinking about teaching Ethan sign language, we figure we can at least do better that than this.
Thursday, October 21, 1999
Make money for me! I'll donate it to charity, I promise. Just read my epinion on the Kelty Koala Baby Carrier.
Thursday, October 21, 1999
I was cruising around the Web the other day and reading Hipmama when I noticed that one of the articles was written by Ayun Halliday, an old friend from way back. HipMama is serializing her stories NeoNatalSweetPotato and I encourage you to read them. funny, sad and bittersweet take on a birth that didn't turn out quite the way it was planned. Still I emerged from the reading with a sigh and tear for the resilience of parents in emotional situations.
Ayun publishes an engaging zine East Village Inky.
Her description follows:
The East Village Inky-- in which the mother of a 3-thumbed fleet-footed baby manages to issue forth another installment in the ongoing saga of their lives in New York City's East Village despite such obstacles as bronchitis, the holidays and dwindling naptimes. Perishables & Dry Goods! Insomnia! Rent-bashing! Obscurities reviewed! East Village babyproofing! A Paucity of Negative Space! Buy this magazine so maybe some day Inky can afford to go to a really top-drawer college and major in business and bail her artiste parents out of their 340 sq. foot apartment.
Thursday, October 21, 1999
Just before Ethan was born I read “Operating Instructions” by Annie Lamott. Sometimes hilarious, sometimes sad, but always engaging and interesting – I found her account of the 1st year of her sons life to be very moving. Annie is a single mother, recovering drug and alcohol addict and usually at wits end but always in love with the amazing process of a babies growth. I don’t always agree with her views, particularly on circumcision and religion, but the writing was personal and inspired.
Thursday, October 21, 1999
Last week the Consumer Product Safety Council published a study and I use the word “study” very loosely, that practically whined "Don't sleep with your baby or put the baby down to sleep in an adult bed,". We have practiced co-sleeping with Ethan since the day he was born and wouldn’t have it any other way. I find this study incredibly flawed, they neglect to mention how many children died in cribs each year as a means of comparison, there is no mention of how many of the deaths were caused by parents either intoxicated of on drugs, and just what “product” is the CPSC reviewing here anyway? The whole thing smacks of the government interfering in the lives of parents, I think they are way out of their league here. For more rebuttals see the Salon Article by Peggy O’Meara, publisher of Mothering Magazine.
Dr. James McKenna has an interesting article on the topic and is also author of a wonderful book, “Our Babies, Our Selves – How Biology and Culture Shape the Way we Parent” which I highly recommend.
I could rant about his for hours but really, it comes down to doing what you feel is right as a parent, not responding to the institutionalized fear of a government agency.
Thursday, October 21, 1999
I got interested in Weblogs earlier this year and read This faq. There are some really great examples out there, I’ve read DaveNet for a number of years – you can explore the Universe of Weblogs to your hearts content. I played around with one for awhile, liked the concept, but found that either I didn’t have the passion or the ego to sustain it.
Most of my recent hours have been spent either at work, or caring and coping with my new son, Ethan Jacob. Caroline and I are both dedicated to doing the best job we can and part of this dedication involves researching almost every childraising topic that comes our way (and there are lots of them). I wanted to document our thought processes and emotions like all parents, but we never seem to be able to find the time. I realized that I could combine my desire to produce a weblog with my passion about the life of my son – that’s how this thing came to be.
So look for me to add entries after an emotional day, or when some story comes my way that makes me think, or when I simply look at Caroline and Ethan and feel the tug in my heart.
|
send e-mail
shop
The Baby Lane
eToys
listen
The Planet Sleeps
epinions
Baby Mozart
Earl E. Bird
Kushies Swim Diapers
Kelty Koala
The Planet Sleeps
Britax Roundabout Car Seat
Kids and Family
|
