Catshade's Catharsis Corner SE: Daydream Believers

Sunday, July 18, 2004

Mood : *disappointed* *sarcastic* *lonely*
BGM : "Pagan Poetry" – Bjork

Belakangan ini saya punya keinginan yang cukup sepele: jalan-jalan (dalam artian, 'berjalan') di tengah hujan tanpa tujuan tertentu, hanya semata-mata karena jalan-jalannya itu saja. Nah, mungkin sebagian dari kalian akan bilang kalau saya adalah drama king sok 'cool' yang suka 'merancang' suasana demi pemenuhan kebutuhan emosi dan citra diri yang absurd, bahkan mungkin konyol (teen angst? oh please...). Atau apalah, saya sendiri juga tidak tahu. Mungkin karena saya menganggap keinginan itu, seandainya terlaksana, bisa menormalkan kepala dan hati saya yang lagi panas-dingin saat ini. Saya tahu, akhir-akhir ini memang banyak kejadian yang dapat dengan begitu gampangnya memicu paranoia saya, tapi itu tetap tidak melepaskan saya dari kesalahan. Karena telah menyakiti hati sahabat-sahabat di sekitar saya yang saya percayai, suatu kesalahan yang sukar saya maafkan, bahkan untuk diri sendiri. Atau ada alasan lain? Mungkin juga karena saya ingin berziarah pada diri saya yang lain, yang telah saya bunuh 5 tahun lalu demi terlahirnya diri saya yang sekarang ini. Kalau pada saat-saat seperti ini dia ada di posisi saya yang sekarang, dia pasti akan biasa-biasa saja. Malah mungkin akan tertawa-tawa. He never gave a damn on those things like 'friendship', after all. Dan sekarang, saya, entah kenapa, terbersit suatu keinginan lain, untuk menghidupkannya kembali.

Apakah itu hanya sekedar mekanisme pertahanan-diri belaka? Mungkin juga, karena sampai sekarang si tua belum menurunkan hujannya sama sekali (kecuali di larut malam atau sewaktu kuliah dimana saya tidak mungkin melakukannya). Hope he know the best.

Catshade wrote @ 10:40 p.m.

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Sunday, July 11, 2004

Mood : ^_~
BGM : "I Hope, I Think, I Know" – Oasis

So many friends. So few can be trusted. Either I'm in a wrong circle after all these seem-to-be-good years, or I (or "they"?) am taking this whole 'wired' matter WAY too serious. Or both ^^;. But thanks to those few (and a crazy hermit), I'm quite enlightened now:

Seorang wanita mengeluh kepada kawannya yang sedang
berkunjung bahwa tetangganya adalah seorang ibu rumah
tangga yang buruk. "Engkau harus melihat betapa kotor
anak-anaknya, dan rumahnya. Rasanya malu hidup
sebagai tetangganya. Lihat pakaian-pakaian yang ia jereng
di tempat jemuran itu. Lihat coreng-coreng hitam di kain
dan handuk itu!"

Kawan itu pergi ke jendela dan berkata, "Saya kira kain-
kain itu cukup bersih, kawan. Coreng-coreng hitam itu di
jendelamu."

Again, thanks guys...*hugs*

Catshade wrote @ 08:52 p.m.

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Thursday, July 8, 2004

Mood : -_-;
BGM : "Jelita" – Romeo

Duh, gara-gara kemarin sampe subuh bergila-gila dengan anak-anak lain soal Happy Tree Friends (XD), hari ini jadi bangun telat (meleset 6 jam dari reminder jam 6 pagi ^^;) dan jadwal seharian langsung berantakan semua. I don't usually rely on automaton reminder (baca : HP) though, but in a vacation time like this, the manual ones just aren't more reliable --;. Oh well, akhirnya gak jadi ke kampus buat rapat All-About-Japan Club (klub kebudayaan jepang yg baru dibikin di kampus) –ini sebenernya gara-gara kurang motivasi buat join aja jadinya males menghadiri :p, trus beli buku-buku yang diperluin buat matkul-matkul semester pendek, beli cd di stasiun UI, and...lots more. Oh well, there's always tomorrow if you can't do it today. *disambit* Lagipula besok rencananya sekalian mau nyambangin Bona di Indonesian Idol di Balai Sarbini ^^.

*lirik atas* Dear me, kyknya membosankan ya kalo cerita sehari-hari seperti barusan...--;

Catshade wrote @ 11:38 p.m.

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Sunday, July 4, 2004

Mood : *psychotic*
BGM : "No Such Thing" – John Mayer

A lot of important things happened, lately (which explains this blog's inactivity for a while). Ugly things, they are; Cuss words in the back with saint-tific mask-faces in the front. Consolidation and indoctrination for the masses of innocent (or from other viewpoints, naive and uneducated) minds. (N)etiquette abuse for shallow (and stupid?) political (and pride) means. Ha! Who said that this place is better than real? As long as the seventh protocol isn't implemented yet, this place will remain as gritty as it is now. IF there's a remain enough to be called 'place'. >_>

"War determines who's left, not who's right." – Bertrand Russell

Catshade wrote @ 01:44 p.m.

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Thursday, June 24, 2004

Mood : *rabid*
BGM : "Navras" – Juno Reactor & Don Davis

*delete draft blog barusan* Let's just say I'm too paranoid to write anything decent for the time being...>_>

Catshade wrote @ 07:49 p.m.

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Saturday, June 19, 2004

Mood : '_'
BGM : "This Picture" – Placebo

Holidays were fleeting away like dreams...and moreover, I just got two consecutive bad dreams in one night (or rather, one early-morning), involving a time-ghost called Pandora Tomorrow (don't. ask.) and...something else that's mentally worse (since the latter involves my love-life >_>). Until now I'm still scared though, because my dreams eventually will come true in some ways (and I hope it's not a self-fulfilling prophecy). *sigh* Saking udah terbiasanya hidup dengan pisau assignments di leher, ketika dilepas gini malah nggak tau mau ngapain...somehow I'm glad that the compact semester will start next Monday ^^;. Dan ngomong-ngomong tentang kuliah, begitu libur ini kok rasanya jadi lost contact sama temen-temen kul (except the indirect ones through friendster). But the 'positive' side is, jadi mulai aktif lagi di wired-life, setelah sebelumnya sempet hiatus gara-gara mulai ngerasa nyaman di real-life. Hope I can balance both worlds ;).

About the latter dream, I know some people who know my problem will ask about this matter. Just want to say : "janganlah berpegang pada sesuatu sedemikian eratnya, karena kamu tidak tahu bahwa hal itu (dan segala hal lainnya yang kamu coba berpegang padanya) sebenarnya juga sedang jatuh ke dalam jurang, sama seperti kamu." Of course, it's easier said than done.

Catshade wrote @ 12:36 p.m.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Mood : +_+
BGM : "Venus as a Boy" – Bjork

Yay, the final exams are over!!! The substitute assignments are done!!! Heavens unleashed, beibeh!!! XD *digetok* Hahaha, maaf deh buat euforianya barusan, abisnya emang selama tiga minggu belakangan ini numpuk stres terus gara-gara UAS dan tugas-tugas yang numpuk (hail to all procrastinators around the world --;). But at least, all's well that ends well. I can say with a confidence that the finals were successful, though don't ever ask me about scores prediction ^^;. With the assignments....ah, let's just say that I didn't make it with my full potential this (or, until this) semester >_<. Nggak tau kenapa, kok rasanya jadi susah banget nulis, suatu hal yang beberapa bulan lalu masih jadi hobi tetap. Mungkin gara-gara terlalu banyak gaul kali ya? Hnnn, that's why I decided to be more study-oriented, starting from this compact semester by taking two class simultaneously (Human Philosophy and Social Psychology I). And I want to stop procrastinating... T_T

On the other side, beberapa hari belakangan ini ada seekor kucing item yang entah dari mana selalu bisa aja masuk rumah, dan suka mondar-mandir keliling rumah tengah malem pas orang-orang pada tidur. Everytime he got caught, it freaked the whole family how he can always back the next day. At first, I thought he's not an ordinary cat –maybe a ghost or a genie that took a cat's form– and it was COO~L!!! *Luffy mode: on* until I encountered him at this late midnight. The scary thing is that, he's like...a projection of my evil-side. That slick stare, irresponsive gesture, eye-contact avoidance...*shivers*. Now I'm afraid of myself.

Catshade wrote @ 01:20 a.m.

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Friday, June 4, 2004

Mood : ^_^
BGM : "I Do" – Ten2Five

Ok then, on with the usual "background/dedicated to" stuffs. In the beginning, there was this cat, who adore (or liked ^^) someone who threw away his past to attain his dreams. Quite a daydream, I thought (and before you get mad, no. There's nothing wrong in that), so I came up with this "Daydream Believers" theme. At the same time, I was also addicted to One Piece manga (scans, thanks to nee-chan for that ^^), which in my opinion, also has a similar theme (reach your dreams, though how improbable it is blah blah blah). But darn it, it's so difficult to find a One Piece image out there that's quite easy enough (using n00b's standard like me) to be modified as a blog layout. So I turned to an alternative: Calvin and Hobbes, a famous comic strip about a schizophrenic kid and his imaginary tiger (or just a full-of-imagination kid, depends on what theory you use). Quite a daydreamer too, so it's not a problem to change minor differences. And thanks to Buddha (for the national holiday ^^;), I can finish this layout in 1.5 days approximately.

Now's the hard part; dedication. Firstly first, I want to dedicate this layout to the cat aforementioned (you know who you are ^^) and her *******, hope both of you can meet each other again. And the second....actually, it's only dedicated to her --;, but oh well, I also want to dedicate this layout to all Calvin and Hobbes fans all over the world. Enjoy!

Catshade wrote @ 09:34 a.m.

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